I vow to taste the truth of Bhaktivedanta's words. Good morning. It's always interesting to get somebody else's perspective on I'm very happy to be here, and welcome to those of you who are here for the first time, and hello to the child care people in the community room.

[01:27]

For me, this is always coming home, so I'm always surprised. in a mixed kind of way, in a bittersweet kind of way, to be hosted. Because, you know, the relationship of host and guest is actually quite profound. And I always thought of myself as the host and now I'm the guest and you are the host. Anyway, one of the things we practice on the ashram in Montana is the law of hospitality. And it's a wonderful thing to be able to receive people and to be received. The teacher there sometimes calls it the highest law of the work or the highest law of practice. And in Zen, they talk about host and guest often.

[02:34]

So it's a nice relationship. It keeps things a little formal, but not chilly. So I'll talk a little bit about my life in Montana, but I'm coming to you with a question. I have an ongoing practice. And so I thought I would bring it here because I'm not practicing in a Zen place on a regular basis. We do have, there is a Zen group there that was started by a woman who practiced here about 10 years ago for a short time, Wendy Roberts. Some of you may remember her. She was a PhD student. Now she's a biologist and she lives in Bozeman and there's a small group there and I participate there and I have lots of opportunities to teach in that setting. But most of my life is consumed on the ashram where I live and being a mom, a new mom, an old mom, an old new mom is what I am.

[03:39]

And I'm really enjoying that practice the most. And this relationship with this young boy is just completely lit up my life. So So what I'm interested in right now are some of the forms that I've practiced with over the last 20 years in Zen, what they mean to me now, or how I settle with them. Kent, would you put the clock on the outside so I can... Thank you. I wanted to bring for our consideration the question of the Bodhisattva vow. The Bodhisattva vow is kind of the main context of our Buddhist practice, and I wanted to remind myself of that.

[04:45]

to bring it here, to talk about the radical nature of this practice, the practice of devoting yourself and your life to other beings, to all other beings, and to their welfare and happiness. And I live in a climate that's not so political. I'm a little bit sheltered these days. And when I come to Berkeley, I'm reminded of the energy with which people have to deal with because there's so much in the air here. It's not the same in Montana. And I'm in a situation that kind of, I confess that we kind of ignore some of the drama around what's going on. And then also it's a pretty libertarian kind of atmosphere there. People are more about their own rights than anything else. So it's a little interesting. And there's a lot of beef.

[05:48]

The Bodhisattva vow is the radical notion that your life is not about you. It's not really not about you, but it's not about you. It's not about your self-improvement. It's not about your comfort or happiness. It's not even about your awakening, although your awakening is necessary. It's not sufficient. So the first line, Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Many of you have been around long enough to remember when it was, I vow to save them. And Sojin changed that many years ago. And even though sometimes I have trouble remembering that when we chant, I like the feeling of it better because it, It's actually more to the point. It is a part of our awakening, but that we awaken with other people.

[07:01]

When Buddha woke up, what he realized was not just his own liberation, but that all beings are fundamentally liberated and he could see it and he saw that they could not. So all beings are fundamentally liberated. So I vow to awaken with them and I vow to awaken for their benefit. Like my awakening is not for my benefit. It's for yours. That's the proposition before us. So every morning when we sit Zazen here, we do a service and we dedicate the merit of all our effort and we give it away immediately. We immediately give over any attachment we would have to any gaining idea and just immediately dedicate it to the welfare of others. So we could stop right there and talk about just how radical this is and all the examples one could find of how people manifest this in the world.

[08:07]

So I live with this guru, and he's, you know, I don't know how much, I know some of you know something about gurus, but he can be very irreverent and say exactly the wrong thing, you know, and it's very provocative and it helps. And he's always talking about bodhisattva, smotisattva, you know, oh, the bodhisattvas, they're just, you know, who would wanna, I don't wanna save all beings. Beings are annoying, you know. I only want to save the ones I like. And sometimes he says it and he's very provocative about it. Sometimes he's kidding and sometimes he's trying to get just me. And other times he acts very serious about it and it's very uncomfortable. And I've noticed that how he lives is completely in accordance with the bodhisattva vow. So, um, one of the things gurus say sometimes is don't do what I, what is it?

[09:15]

Don't, what is it? Don't do what I say. Do what I do. It's the opposite. Don't do what I do. Do what I say. I'm doing what I do. You do what I tell you to do. Um, but I noticed what he does and, um, So I feel like the Bodhisattva path is alive and well in this little Baul work community that we have in Montana. The second vow is to end delusion. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. And I will talk more about how that to me is one of the, is like the pivotal point in how we're going to bring forth our bodhisattva vow, is our practice of ending delusion and what, how we do that ongoingly because we fail all day long at that.

[10:19]

But that's really, that's really where it starts. facing our fundamental ignorance and the delusions we build from that ignorance. We vow to enter all Dharma gates. And one of the ways I interpret this is that there is no opportunity, no phenomena, nothing that arises that isn't an opportunity to reach out and make a connection and practice the Bodhisattva vow. with anyone in any circumstance. So in our lives, when we think we want to be done with our task at hand so we can get to the real practice of being in the Zendo, that might be a mistaken view of what practice is. All Dharmagates, anything that happens, but within your own body and mind and between the body and minds of you and others.

[11:24]

The opportunity to transform the world and the self. And then the capping phrase, I vow, Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it and really attain it, really bring it forth. So for me, I want to bring, we're going to chant this at the end of this lecture and we chanted a lot and it's an opportunity to meet our actual vow and decide again that we're in this practice for the long haul and for the hard work, for the real loss that's involved in being a Zen practitioner, the real loss.

[12:28]

We're not here to gain something. We're not here to get better, but we're here to actually lose and then help other people. Sangha is one of the three jewels. And so for me, the Bodhisattva vow is manifested in our relationships, that Zen is a place where we practice together. And although retreat practice or solitary practice is never discouraged, there's just no substitute for rubbing up against each other. And I've gotten myself into a situation where I live with other people. I live right now with about 20 other people. families, individuals, couples, and there's a lot of rubbing up against each other. And there's a lot of relationship. And there's a lot of avoiding relationship. And there's a lot of being right.

[13:30]

And it happens between people and it happens in relationship to the teacher there. And this led me to think about what the nature of relationship is. Like, what are we talking about when we're talking about being in relationship? In some ways, you're never not in relationship. Like, just by the nature of being here and being in a body and mind and being in this phenomenal world, relationship is the way things are. to sort of do relationship is kind of extra in a way, you know, sort of adding on this activity to what's already naturally occurring. So maybe one way to think about it is how to sort of relinquish our hindrances so that we can get out of the way of what hinders actual relationship. The nature of relationship to me is actually the first quality I came up with was aloneness.

[14:34]

That fundamentally we are alone and we spend a lot of our energy avoiding that dimension of our existence. I think when I come back to the Berkley Zen Center, feel so much like this is my home. I can't believe y'all have gone on without me, you know, and that's a real feeling. And I know a lot of people feel it for different things. Um, and of course I'm happy that you do because this practice is again, not about me, but it's practice for the sake of practice. But I, um, I Berkeley Zen center has become the last hold of my identity. And I've been carrying around a Zen identification card, making sure the ancestors knew I was still part of their club. And really afraid that if I were to sort of not be here enough, you know, they would turn their backs on me.

[15:44]

You would turn your back on me. And it's moving to me because it's like, who are you? you know, this configuration has probably never happened just this way in the Zendo and may never again. This particular event is completely rare and wonderful and it will be gone. So my friend pointed out to me that the aloneness that I was grappling with was not about this place. This place was just the best indication of it, the best evidence I had for my state, for my situation. So I've kind of dropped back and I'm sitting with my fundamental aloneness that if I'm part of this sangha, if I'm part of the sangha in Montana, wherever I am, the truth is I'm going to die alone one day, even if you're all with me. There's things, there's gates we have to pass through as individuals.

[16:47]

It's the nature of human life. And we have to remember that even though we are alone, it's only one version of the truth. But it's a gate I have to pass through in order to really express the connectedness that's so, that I actually feel a lot. So I think the nature of relationship has a lot to do with aloneness. I think it has a lot to do with dissatisfaction and experiencing lack or not getting met. I think there's a lot of yearning in relationship. I think there is heartbreak and I think relationship is one of the best places to experience the heartbreak that is being a human. And I think there's a tremendous vulnerability that any time we open to other people, we run the danger of being left, of being hurt, of losing them.

[17:52]

In fact, many of you have probably seen that quote that's, it used to be on Ross's fridge for the longest time. Mel and Sojin and Ross's fridge. And I even had Ross copy it for me. And I always forget the first part of it. It's something like, how tender all of our, affections and relations are with each other, how tender and something, if anyone remembers it, because some of you have seen it. And then the second line is, we will lose every relationship to which our hands now cling. It's two lines and I can't, I can only remember one. But that line about how tender and how sweet these alliances are and yet we'll lose every relationship just brings me to a brink that is almost like I can't talk. It's kind of, you know, and this is a good reminder in practice for me to, um, to see how, to feel and know how dependent I am on all of you for even being here right now.

[19:09]

and to admit that vulnerability, to admit that I'm scared of losing it and to plunge into that. So I don't mean to say that the nature of relationship is only suffering. It just certainly is marked by suffering, but we tend to look at relationship very dualistically and we evaluate and we try to gain. We're looking for something when we are trying to get in relationship. OK, I'll wait on that. I missed it, so I'll come back to it. So for me, examining what relationship actually is, is a good part of how to settle with the fact that relationships aren't going to solve my problem, my fundamental problem, but they are the way I am going to practice.

[20:13]

In fact, there's no other way to practice. So it's kind of, it might sound paradoxical to some people that we're fundamentally alone and yet there's no other way to practice but in relationship. But for me, it kind of helps me settle to realize that I need all of you in order to practice in order to face the thing I have to face on my own. Um, but I want to talk about some of the ways I have been looking at how to practice in relationship. And some of them are Buddhistic and some of them are not, but they all inform a kind of, um, growing up to me and how to be in relationship with other people. Um, and again, this is based on the assumption that we have agreed that we are in Bodhisattva training school, you know, um,

[21:16]

So here's a quote from a man named Jeffrey Hopkins, who is a Tibetan scholar and practitioner. This is in a book from about 20 years ago, but it really struck me. In cultivating the bodhisattva path, you must develop a mind that remains compassionate in the face of any horror whatsoever. And some of the horrors that we have to face are really small and subtle and insidious. and they're all ego driven. So some of the processes that I practice with have to do with this sort of letting go and dismantling the ego or the attachment to the ego or the primacy of the ego. I don't, you know, my ego has been hard won. I worked really hard to get my personality and my ego and my self-sufficiency and to grow up. So I'm not about becoming this selfless blob who has no personality and no agency in the world. I'm not about not taking care of myself or thinking that I'm going to be a big rescuer and it's all about you and it's not about me.

[22:28]

but I am interested in healthy relationships where I can be forthright and honest and use every opportunity to turn the light inward and see what I'm up to and how I'm holding out on the bodhisattva vow. So, the one I'm interested in is is pioneered by the work of M. Scott Peck, and he was talking about communities. He was talking about how communities can come together and be true communities, but it works for relationship. And it has to do with getting more real. And he has this little sort of path from pseudo relationship to real relationship. And pseudo relationship is not bad. It's just not complete. So the idea is if we want real relationship, we have to abide the fact that we have some pseudo relationship.

[23:35]

And we have to endure the steps and the unmasking it takes to have a real relationship. So a pseudo relationship is, you know, the hi, how are you? And we don't want to dispense with hi, how are you? We want our protocols and our conventions in place so that we know that we're in the same world. But if we stay there, we miss the opportunity to help each other face what we need to face. So the next stage of that, it gets dicey really fast. You go from pseudo-community or pseudo-relationship to chaos and conflict. When the beginnings of chaos and conflict arise, we should notice them. We should not avoid our feelings of judgment or blaming or wrongdoing or all those things that make it like I'll just sort of, you know, okay, that person and I'm going to sort of turn and not deal.

[24:40]

Now, I'm not saying you have to rush headlong and deal with every little thing that arises. But in relationship, in a working relationship, I mean, there's all kinds of networks here. People have positions, people have histories. There's vertical hierarchy, there's lateral, you know, sibling-ness to our situation here, and we're in relationship. And so chaos is, or conflict is bound to arise. And part of why we avoid it is it feels somewhat chaotic. We don't know who we are, and we don't know if we've won. And we want to win and we want to know who's right. We want to know what's right. We assume something is right. We have this notion that there is some right way. And I I've said this and I've said it in this seat before.

[25:42]

It's still true for me. Um, but I'll say it in a little different way for those of you who heard it before. Then you'll think I'm so creative and new. And that is when you're right about something, when you're right, that's when you're wrong. So it's good to have a good view of things or a healthy view of things, but when we're attached to it and when we're really right, We're wrong. We're wrong because we've lost the connection with the other person. And we want the rightness. We want the thing that we know is right to win out at the cost of the other person. Sometimes at the cost of ourselves. Some of us are the type that will adapt so quickly and let other people be right. And then we harm ourselves. And in a way we harm the other person because we've endorsed their rightness. You know, we've allowed them to continue not being in relationship.

[26:49]

So it's very good in my mind to explore the nature of this conflict and what we're attached to and what we want from the other person. But the way out is a process called emptying. And I think it's somewhat related to Buddhist emptiness, but for the sake of this, it's just this kind of emptying, like when you have a full cup of water, nothing else can go in it until you empty it. So when we empty, we take responsibility for how we actually feel and what we're actually projecting and our darkness, our discomfort, our attachment. And that's what we can take care of. And in fact, that's all we can take care of is how I feel in this moment or in general, in my relationship with you, what's what's happened is this thing is built up and I have this story about you and I know I'm right because the truth is we're often right.

[27:55]

When you hook into another person and you know something about their faults, it's not that they're not there. It's just that they're not your business, you know? So, um, all I can do is take care of myself. So when we empty, we confess to ourselves and each other what's so for us. And usually what that gets down to is some kind of grief, some kind of sadness, some kind of lack of control that we did not want to have to admit in front of each other. And again, I'm not painting the picture of going around being this open puddle of like, how wronged you've been or whatever, But really we have to do the hard work of facing what, wow, I really have that judgment of other people and I don't believe in judging other people and yet I'm full of judgment. And so of course I'm worried people are judging me and that whole story.

[28:57]

We have to sit still with that and unpack it, kind of let it breathe and not get caught by it. And the only way I can see what's so for you is if I've been willing to sit still with what's so for me. When we, in Bozeman, we have this practice of meeting in women's and men's groups. And this has been invaluable for me because if I bring a consideration to the women, like instead of going to the teacher right away, it's like something's going on for me, bring it to the women. You know, I'm having, I'm trying to think of the stuff I've been through with some of it has been about, I don't want to be there. I want to be here. You know, why am I there? And when I would talk about it, I would have this language of Paul brought me to Montana, or this is not my lineage, or you people don't send enough Zazen, or you don't understand what Zazen is,

[30:02]

yada, yada, yada. And when other people listen to you and they deeply listen, they can see right away what you're up to. They don't have to know you really, really well. You don't have to know somebody really, really well if you're listening carefully for where they're projecting outward. Because anytime we make it about that, there's something we're not looking at. So the women will really, um, at first they'll gently coax, you know, Karen, I think you're blaming Paul, you know, and you have to take some responsibility for your situation. Um, but if I really have some fire behind what I'm doing and I'm not listening, they will pounce on me. They will just yell back. So it gets very lively and very real and very dirty. And, um, But it's in the service of what are you not seeing?

[31:04]

What do you really need to be doing right now? Because it may be that a decision needs to be made, but often some grief needs to be acknowledged. I watched one of the students there, who's very close to the teacher. She brought this invitation she had done, and it was one of those two-sided ones, and that she didn't use good enough paper, and so it was sort of showing through on the other side. It wasn't a really nice product. And she was nervous about it, but she had made a decision to go ahead with it. And she showed it to him and he's like, well, this sucks. This doesn't work. I don't want to send this out. And he said, this doesn't work. And she said, I know. But she said, I know like that. She said, I know, not I know, not I know I screwed up. I made a decision and it was wrong. And I'm sorry. It was, I know. And what do you think follows that kind of I know?

[32:06]

I know, but you weren't around for me to ask you, and we're trying to save money, remember? And so I didn't want to buy it. And he was like, what's going on? And she kept defending herself. And the truth is, all those stories were true for her. But in the moment, she could not receive his teaching of, this is screwed up, and I feel really bad about it. Not it's all my fault, it's all my fault. This just, it doesn't feel right. And I'm sorry or whatever. And I was watching it and I was going, just turn. Like, it's like, it's like a half a degree turn. All you have to do is say, I know, I know I've probably disappointed you, but we won't do that because she wanted to retain the dignity of being an adult person who doesn't make a mistake or get something out of the situation. She wanted to win something. And when you put yourself in the fire of transformation, if you win, you lose.

[33:12]

So you might as well go for losing because that's what it's about. And it was painful to watch and she really fought. And I just, I just, it's hard to watch when you, when you're in it, of course, you're right. You know, you're really fighting for your life and it's like, you're really justifying. But one of the ways we can look at other people is first of all, not as other people. Right? Not as other, not as objects. The, Werner Erhard, the great Zen master, the great controversial Zen master, said that we should view relationship as appreciating and observing another's state of being. So we're all being, and what we encounter are our states, and we keep mistaking our states for our being.

[34:13]

So we forget, I forget that you're Buddha because your state is not Buddha, you know? And we keep confusing it, but if we can appreciate people's state of being as the best they can do in the moment to manifest Buddha, And we can have an appreciation for our own state of being and accept any state of being as okay for now. I'm willing to hold it. I'm willing to be present with it. Then I'll be able, if I can train myself to do that with myself, my capacity to do it with you grows. And this to me is the beginning of upholding the Bodhisattva vow. Um, We have become very sophisticated psychologically. And I know up where I live, we're all about sort of where we are on the Enneagram or what sign we are.

[35:14]

What is your fundamental knot? What is your fundamental block that keeps your Buddha nature obscured? And anytime you screw up, I can just remind you that you are, you know, doing that thing again. Why won't you drop it? It's so easy to see that you're doing it. Why won't you drop it? I can't really see mine or feel. How can I just drop it? So we have to help each other. But my point about that is that we have gotten very fascinated with the psychological constructs, and they're useful. It helps me to know where I live on the Enneagram and where I tend to go, that my fear is that something better is going on somewhere else, I'm gonna miss it, and you all are gonna leave me. Some of you are right now going, oh, I know what she is. She's a... And I am, and I'm proud of it. And I don't want that to be sort of, I don't want that flavor to obscure the one flavor of the Buddha Dharma.

[36:24]

So one of the things to do is when we practice in the moment, how we can see each other fresh, you can see me not as those traits, but as my state in the moment, and then assert the Buddha Dharma, know my Buddha nature, my remembering your Buddha nature. And then we act, like we still have to act, we still have to, you know, coach each other and get each other back on track. We have to receive teaching from our teacher and take the feedback and mess up. I think it was either, I think maybe it was Thich Nhat Hanh, but it might've been trunk or rimpache. I've been exploring other teachers, but there was this image of riding in the car with your husband, my husband, riding in the car with my husband. And I've known him for 14 years.

[37:26]

So I think I know him. I think I know him because he seems the same day to day. And he has the same habits, good and bad. And I'm sitting in the car, forgetting that I could lose him. So I'm thinking about what I'm thinking about, he's thinking about what he's thinking about, and we lose the preciousness of this opportunity. And sometimes in the car, I don't do anything about that, but I just remember and I feel my whole body just sort of move towards him and open and remember the preciousness of this human life and the opportunity to practice with him and that He's that my job is not to fix him is to wake up myself so I can help him. And I, um, I really appreciate that because I really do fall under the spell of thinking. I know him.

[38:27]

And we do that with each other. We think we know who we are. We think we know what a relationship is and we expect certain things. So instead of expecting my relationship with you to fulfill my needs, how about if I just appreciate your state? Oh, here's this lovely person going through this thing. How can I be with that and not get something out of it and not end up looking good or great or bad, like really start to unpack, oh, I'm really in this to preserve my image and finding that over and over again. I can't do a whole analysis of this, but I've been looking at the skandhas and if we are nothing but the five skandhas, if we're nothing but a body and sensations and perceptions and these impulses and this consciousness, like that's what the Buddha's teaching, like we're just this bag of scoundrels. I've started to look at how the fact that our perceptions are almost always inaccurate.

[39:34]

We perceive, but we don't perceive things as they are. We perceive them through our habits and through the way we think things are. So how do I start to perceive things correctly? So ignorance is not just that, I lack information. It's like I have the wrong information. So I'm seeing you through my filters. So again and again, the teaching reminds me, I have to work here. So all of this, you may have started to realize is I'm waving a little banner for how Zazen is Bodhisattva practice. If my question was how does sitting on the cushion meet other people. And so I keep coming again to like, I am, looking at my delusion and really working with that as the way to meet you. The other skanda besides perception that I'm interested in is the sensation one.

[40:36]

How everything is, well, this is the way I understand it right now, that the sensation, it's not our feelings, like our emotions, it's our sensations of like, I like this, I don't like this, I'm neutral about this. So even now, through this talk, we've all been going through very subtle commentary on what's going on. I like this, I don't like this, I'm neutral about this. I like sitting up here, I don't like the feeling in my stomach, I'm neutral about, you know, the birds singing. Although now that I say it, I'm liking the birds singing. Why I say this is that these skandhas are ways we can really examine what we're up to. We can watch the commentary all day long. I like this. I don't like this. I'm neutral about this. And that's what we do with other people. It's really hard to drop that and really receive, really be the host for another person.

[41:42]

Really let them just exist in your presence. Let them, give them the gift of your, it's like being, it's like what kids need from us. Kids need the, I'm trying to find the word, but like we, we grant children beingness by just allowing them to be. And that's what we're asking each other to do. It's like, we're asking, it's like, you know, how the Tibetans have this practice of everyone has been your mother and you've been everyone's mother. And you've actually been in all these relationships with each other that we meet each other as a mother would meet her child, not in the, hierarchical, pejorative way, like, I'm in charge of you, but I have room for you. And that's how we are with our children. We have room for whatever they go through. And we see clearly what they need, because it's so obvious what they can and can't do. So if we can cultivate that vision for ourselves, like, oh, Karen, I see that.

[42:49]

When you get lonely, you worry that everyone's forgotten you. That's just such a wonderful human thing to do. I can hold that, you know. The more I do that for myself, the more, when I see you, it's so easy to accept your state because it's not who you are, it's your state. Red or blue. So I want to stop. I have a couple other things, but I know it's time to stop. But maybe we have an indulge for five minutes in case there are questions or comments, just because I'd like to hear from you. Hi, Charlie. Hi, Karen. What was the number one reason you came to Berkeley this time? To come to Berkeley's Inn Center. I organized it to see Mel, to see you. Nice to see you. I missed you guys last time, last year when I came.

[43:53]

Yes. Hi. I was just wondering if people are waiting to wake up. If we're already enlightened, why are we just sitting here? The great Dogen question. Ask the new. Keep that question alive. Would you repeat it? The question is, if we're already enlightened, why are we sitting here? Why are we waiting to wake up? Why are we waiting to wake up? Yeah. Um, don't wait. Red lights, as Eugene says, red light, stop green light. Go. What's yellow mama. Maybe yellow is the yellow is the color of the emperor in China, but it's also the color of hesitancy in the stoplights. So don't wait. Don't miss this opportunity. The other thing I would say about that is waking up is not what we think it is, probably. We're mistaken about pretty much everything, so there's a good chance our notion of what waking up is is pretty diluted.

[44:59]

So you may not know when you wake up. When you have a moment of total engagement, you may not actually be sort of commenting on it. You might actually merge with your experience. So you may not know. Well, your face is very awake, so thank you for bringing that question. Hi, Ko. Could you say more about your gurus or your women's group's dirty talk? Of course, it's not dirty talk. I'll tell you, those of you who know me and my thin skin, I've gotten a little tougher, but it's never easy to hear feedback. It's never easy to hear about how you're missing the mark. And the guru has a range of ways of embodying that.

[46:02]

And I feel like he's very intuitive, which can be good because he can feel what a person might need. He doesn't calculate, oh, this person's very shy, so I'll shock them or something like that, but he can feel what's going to speak to a person. And sometimes he just flat out yells at people because he's, you know, I mean, he's a human being. It's not like he doesn't think he's God. He just thinks he's embodying a function, much like Mel is. He's transmitting. And, um, When someone is blatantly not getting something, sometimes a shock is needed. And shocks are very powerful in our life. Anyone who has had a shock in their life, their mate has left them, their mate has died, they've lost a child, they've lost their work, they got an illness, anything like that, or even less. Sometimes those of us who are really sensitive, you know, someone being a little mean to us is a shock, you know.

[47:07]

That's your window, you know. And so sometimes the culture is one of providing a shock so that you can sort of go, I was really asleep. I was asleep. I had fallen under the spell of thinking I was somebody and that I was here for some other reason than to help you or to help all of us. So we've actually started moving in our women's group away from severe confrontation to more practice help. And they've called on me because sometimes people need to just practice. They just need to face what's uncomfortable. instead of working it out. So whatever you might think is your chief difficulty in your sort of karma or your personality, you can talk about it and talk about it. At some point, you know yourself well enough. You know what you're up to, what you need to do is keep facing it, avowing it, and dropping it.

[48:11]

And one of the best ways to drop your drama is to assert something else. So it's like the I Ching talks about energetic progress in the good. Or like my friend Wendy said, how do you get the air out of a cup? You know, we talked about the cup being full of water, but if the cup is full of air, how do you get the air out? You pour the water in. So read the Dharma, study, ask people for feedback. It's a wonderful practice to go and say, how am I doing with my bossiness? I was such a nice person, you know, I'm really nice. And I've said that here before, but I have this, this, I want to be in charge. I want to be in charge and I want to be the center through which all things go. So my being helpful is like this kind of

[49:12]

veiled way of being in charge. So there's this whole psychological thing that I get to know about myself. But now after 15 years of looking at it, I know about it. I don't need to sit and process it with you. You just need to say, Karen, drop it. So you have to know where you are in relation to certain things about your own suffering. Some things are new to you. When someone first told me I was bossy, I was shocked. Now I'm bossy, you know, and I'm just bossy. And it's so much, it's such a relief to just be bossy and not be like this adaptive, nice bossy. Does that make sense to people? Okay, Moffat, and then we should probably end soon. I'm just hearing a lot about, you know, how people can be, you know, essentially criticized for their false reveal to themselves, since everybody else kind of knows what they are.

[51:15]

Are you asking, like, what would be the context here, the venue? Yeah. This is just, you know, to me, that it's not necessarily constructive criticism or whatever, or correction, or without a secure context. I trust that there's a, well, a context of trust that It may take a while for each individual to feel it, but if it's there, then eventually one could risk the kind of revelation or self-revelation, because if it's not in a context of support and acceptance, Well, you've been here a long, long time.

[52:32]

Do you feel that this is a supportive, safe place for yourself? No, no, I understand. Yes. Absolutely. Right. that one has to have established confidence, I think, of trust. Yes. A feeling that whatever criticism may come, will be there, whatever, is because overall it's not that. Overall, it's not that, got it. Yes, I got your point. And I would say a hearty yes to what you're saying, that you don't want to do it out of context, you don't want to do it recklessly or for your own gratification, but that we want to do it for ourselves.

[53:47]

The main thing is that we are examining our own body-mind, that we are confessing how we Are diluted and how we see things not clearly and how we want to win and then to us. I would say you could take the radical assumption. that this is a safe place and it's a wholesome environment and that the purpose, given that our activity is purposeless, that the purpose of being here is for each other's benefit and for the benefit of all beings. And that this is an assumption and it's radical, but I don't think anyone would dispute it. And I don't think anyone could face the wall for 40 minutes without that being the ground in this groundless situation. And I'm not inviting people to sort of have a free-for-all now and feel invited to go and criticize each other. I hope that's not the spirit of what I was saying.

[54:49]

It's more like when we examine ourselves, we see our delusion and that we can bring it to people and ask How do you see this? How can you help me? Or when you're in conflict with someone, that your main job is to avow what's so for you, not to blame the other person, even when they're wrong and you're right. That goes nowhere. That is not the radical practice of a bodhisattva. The radical practice of a bodhisattva is to assert the Buddha nature of all beings as always being present in every circumstance, no matter how horrible. That's, I mean, we're asking a lot, but we're gonna do it in this lifetime, so we probably should stop. Thank you all for coming. I want to read a quote that was, some of you may have seen this, and this is another way to practice internally and save all beings. Words found in Sojin's sleeve.

[55:52]

When you let go of your old perceptions, You give people a chance to change. When you do not let go, you are participating in the continuation of their faults. So, if I can let go of my old view of you, that will help you grow. So, thank you. Beings are numberless.

[56:25]

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