It seems like we have the ability to forget the most fundamental points. Because when we remember them we say, oh yeah, well yeah, sure. So, I'd like to make a fundamental point just to make sure that we all remember that the Buddha way and the Buddha dharma, the foundation of it is great loving-kindness and great compassion for all beings. So we can build a house on this foundation, we can build a community, a society on this

[01:58]

foundation, but sometimes after we start building we sometimes forget the foundation, get concerned with the beams and the roof sometimes. And roofs are really beautiful sometimes. Sometimes people don't actually even notice the foundation of some beautiful roofs. The last meeting we had here in August, we were studying the Samdhinirmochana Sutra, the chapter four, and a number of you were here for that, to hear that chapter. And this chapter starts out memorably, I feel, with the Buddha Tathagata asking his great

[03:12]

disciple Subhuti how many people he knows who are not living under the influence of conceit and pride. And how many he knows who are living, did I say aren't? How many does he know who are living under the influence of pride? And Subhuti says, well, I know just a few that are not living under the influence of pride. Just a few sentient beings are not living under the influence of pride that I know. But I know incalculable, innumerable ones, sentient beings who are living under the influence

[04:13]

of pride. And then Subhuti mentions a little bit later, basically, that because of pride we sometimes stop short in our study of reality. We think, well, we think this is the way something is, like today is Saturday and we just stop there, proud that we know it's Saturday and there's no need for further investigation, or that we're right and somebody else is wrong, or that somebody else is right and we're wrong. And anyway, we have various phenomena which we meet and because of pride we do not keep going in our practice. And then, so we had our meeting and we were happy to study our own pride and here at Nobode

[05:22]

nobody seemed to be insulted that this point was made, and almost no one thought, as far as I know, it's nice to be among the ones who aren't under the influence of pride. I'm just so happy that I'm not proud. I feel sorry for the people who are. Nobody seemed to be happy that they weren't proud and nobody seemed to be insulted that the topic was brought up. And then I brought it up at the beginning of the Seshina Gringotts, which happened shortly after that, and there too this teaching, this suggestion that there's quite a few people who are proud and not too many who aren't, it was received, I would say, with open hearts and a lot of people actually thought, yeah, I'm proud but I haven't been remembering that. Somebody said, where did you get that idea?

[06:24]

How come you brought it up? It's so relevant, not just to the other people but to me. I said, well, because of the sutra, a wonderful sutra brought this to our attention. And then I went to Europe and I brought it up to people in England and they too really appreciated being reminded of a basic problem that we have. And as I mentioned over and over on the evolution towards becoming free of defilements, conscious and unconscious defilements, the last thing that's dropped that we become free of is pride. And, of course, if you get over greed, hate and illusion, if you're wise and not angry

[07:31]

and greedy anymore and kind and have almost no addictions, it's pretty good. The last one to drop is pride, like, yeah, I do understand pretty well what's going on here. I'm doing my practice, it's actually very, very good. What can I say? It is. How can you see that your practice is good, which it is, your practice is good, it's true. Your practice is very good, it is. And how can you receive that without being proud? Well, yes, I hear that he says my practice is good, but what does that mean? What is that? What is he talking about? What is that practice that is good? And then the Buddha states with great confidence, how can you have the confidence of a Buddha

[08:33]

with no pride? This is our problem. We want a lot of confidence. We want deep faith. This is the Buddha way, to have deep faith in the Buddha way without being proud. Well, probably we're not there yet. Probably if we have a lot of faith, we probably have pride. Some people then try to turn their faith down so low that they think, oh, now, my practice is no good, and Buddhism is no good, and it's not better than Christianity, and Christianity is, yeah, Christianity is great, Judaism is great, but my practice of the Buddha way is lousy. So now I think I couldn't possibly be proud. Well, that won't work. Not that any of you have tried it, but that won't work.

[09:37]

Now, the new things I'd like to bring up, this again is to now reiterate that this has been a year which here at Novo Bodhi, at the beginning of the year, like January 3rd or something, I committed, I promised to concentrate on studying causation this year. And I wish to continue to study causation, to develop and encourage deep faith in cause and effect. Deep faith in karmic cause and effect, not deep faith in karma. People have actually already enough faith in karma, they're doing it all the time, but deep faith in studying the causal processes of karma, to understand how karma works.

[10:46]

Deep faith that understanding how karma works is an essential part of practicing the Buddha way. So I've been saying this over and over for nine months, now almost nine months, in various ways. Did you notice? Have I been following my commitment somewhat? And then I told the story, I'll try to make it brief, that towards the end of Dogen's life, he made a strong emphasis on deep faith in cause and effect. And some people feel like he went back to kind of like basic, kind of beginner's practice

[11:48]

by doing that. But whether that was what he was doing or not, anyway he was emphasizing deep faith in karmic cause and effect. Basic teaching. Skillful actions lead to beneficial results. Those who practice skillful actions rise up with confidence and become free of pride. Those who practice unwholesomely fall down. How that works is not deterministic, but it works by that basic suggestion. He emphasized this towards the latter part of his life. Now, in the latter part of my life, I follow his example and emphasize it.

[12:53]

And I'm really enjoying cultivating deep faith in cause and effect. And also, again, realizing not to make the faith too deep, in other words, not to make it proud, or rather to be aware that there may be some pride in this emphasis. When I went to England, what I promised to talk about there was not causation, I promised to talk about the Dharma flower, you could say the lotus flower, turning the lotus flower. No, not the lotus flower of the Dharma turning the lotus flower of the Dharma.

[13:54]

The Dharma lotus turning the Dharma lotus. That's what I promised to talk to them about, and so I did. I talked to them about that. And now, along with this emphasis on causation, of studying karmic causation, of studying karmic consciousness, along with this study, surrounding this study, irradiating this study of karmic cause and effect, I wish to bring in, for the rest of this year and through the beginning of next year, the lotus, the Dharma lotus turning the Dharma lotus. To make the lotus sutra, turning the lotus sutra, the context in which we do this difficult

[14:56]

work of studying our karmic consciousness. The lotus sutra says, in chapter two, one of the most important things in the whole sutra is in chapter two, when the Buddha says, this Dharma is very deep, only Buddhas, together with Buddhas, can fully know it. And he also says that the Buddhas appear in this world, or I would say appear in worlds, for one great causal condition, and that is they appear for the sake of, they appear by

[16:07]

the desire to help people enter Buddha's wisdom. That's what makes Buddhas appear, is that desire. In other words, they appear in the world by the compassionate desire to help beings open, see, understand, and enter Buddha's wisdom. So, I would like to have you help me reiterate, now for a while, the lotus sutra context, the lotus womb, in which we study karmic consciousness. So we're doing the challenging work of studying our karmic consciousness, of hearing teachings

[17:14]

about how it works, with confidence that this is what Buddhas do. So, Dogen says, the Buddhas, the Buddha Tathagatas, they don't do anything beyond clarifying cause and effect. That's all they're doing, is clarifying cause and effect, that's all they do. But that's in the context of their doing this to help us clarify cause and effect. And we're doing, I hope we're doing, clarifying cause and effect for the benefit of all beings, because clarifying cause and effect just for myself or for my own improved karmic consciousness will not be fully successful. Only with the aid of this huge context will I be able to do this very challenging, all-consuming

[18:22]

meditation on cause and effect. So I have to meditate not only on cause and effect, but I have to remember who I'm practicing with and for whom I'm practicing. And just again to remind you that we have the simple, so Dogen's emphasizing very literally and classically deep faith in karmic cause and effect, and early in his career he didn't use the word karma so much, he didn't talk so much literally about cause and effect, but he did say that studying the Buddha way is to study the self. So now later in his life he says to study the Buddha way is to study the self of karmic

[19:32]

causation, is to study the way the self keeps propping up karma and the way karma keeps impelling the sense of self. So really in the beginning of his life, of his teaching, he was emphasizing studying the self, studying karmic causation. And later it gets more literal and sounds more like Indian Buddhism. In his early days of teaching he didn't sound so much like Indian Mahayana. Towards the end of his life he more and more gets literally sounding like Indian Mahayana Buddhism. And if you skin for saying so, me too, I'm getting to sound more like Indian Mahayana Buddhism and less like what some people might think is Zen.

[20:34]

Now I'd like you to think about how is this teaching, studying the self, related to studying karmic cause and effect, and how is that related to Buddha meeting Buddha and exhaustively understanding the true Dharma. And now I have been studying in a priest meeting at Green Gulch, with two different groups of people. One people who are candidates to become priest and others who have already gone through a process called, it's actually called literally, Leaving Home and Attaining Liberation. That's a classical name for what we call priest ordination, leaving home and attaining liberation.

[21:52]

There's another ceremony which is called actually, Staying at Home and Attaining Liberation. And I'd like to offer you some kind of difficult things to look at, because most of you are not literally priest candidates. Some of you are, but most of you are not literally, formally priest candidates. But I'd like to talk to you about this, because I think it might be helpful, but also I think it might be shocking and disturbing. So I'm aware of that, but may I continue? Yes? Sorry to interrupt you, but before you continue, you've used the word faith a lot this morning and I just would appreciate it if you would say a little more about what you mean by the

[23:01]

word faith. Faith is what I think is most important. My faith is what I think is most important, is the thing I most want to put my life towards. So if I think that at the end of my life the most important thing would be whether or not I gave myself to the welfare of all beings, then my faith would be in giving my life to the welfare of all beings. I would believe that that was the most important thing to do with my life. And that belief, that faith would be the basis upon which my life would be lived. Now if I believe that that's the most important thing, but I don't act in accordance with

[24:03]

that, then my faith is kind of a little bit weak. If I acted half the time that way, I would say that's like a full half-strength belief, half-strength faith. If I was able 90% of the time to act based on that belief, I would say I have a very strong faith. And of course I would aspire to a life in which every action was for the welfare of all beings. And aspiring to that is slightly different than the faith. You could have a faith but not aspire. So to have that faith in that path, which is the same as the path of the Buddhas, that's what their life is, to wish to live for that reason and then to promise and vow to live for that, the vows would be an action that follows from that belief.

[25:05]

And so, based on that belief, some people enter into these formal ceremonies, in one case called staying home and in the other case leaving home. And it doesn't say in the name of the ceremony, but it's staying home and receiving the Bodhisattva precepts, or leaving home and receiving the Bodhisattva precepts. So staying home or leaving home could also be called, you could also translate that as renunciation. So if you would, yeah, whether you live in a monastery or in a house with only one person

[26:26]

in the house, it's possible, theoretically possible, that you would be practicing renunciation. Now most people seem to need somebody else in the house to help them not just be dreaming that they're practicing renunciation. So one monastic manual starts out by saying, all Buddhas of three times say that leaving home is realizing truth. And I would just mention briefly that taking the word the out kind of alludes to the truth

[27:27]

we're talking about being the ultimate truth. Because the ultimate truth is that there isn't the truth. The ultimate truth is that all truths are contingent. Realizing the ultimate, or realizing the ultimate truth is leaving home. What's leaving home? It's realizing ultimate truth. Well that sounds good. What's ultimate truth? It's leaving home. I don't know about that part. Then Nadogan, after quoting this, rephrases it and says, not all Buddhas of three times, but all Buddha ancestors say that leaving home and receiving the Bodhisattva precepts

[28:29]

is realizing the truth. And receiving Bodhisattva precepts means deep faith in cause and effect. So it isn't just that you renounce all attachment and renounce apprehending anything. But you do that together with deep commitment to the Bodhisattva precepts. So you're studying Bodhisattva precepts, you're studying karma, cause and effect, together with not apprehending the Bodhisattva precepts. You're committed to the Bodhisattva precepts and you're practicing non-apprehension of anything. This is an expansion on what realizing the truth is.

[29:33]

Oh, it's on here. So, one meaning, and in the so-called staying at home and realizing liberation ceremony, the hair-cutting ritual involves less hair being cut. But there is actually a hair-cutting part of the so-called staying home and attaining liberation path. So it seems to me that the ancestor Dogen is affirming that people who stay at home can pursue the Buddha way, can enter the Buddha way. But they have to practice renunciation too.

[30:48]

Well, how can you practice renunciation and stay at home? Well, you stay at home giving up fame and gain. If you stay at home, you still must practice renunciation. You can't stay at home and hold on to fame and gain and practice the Buddha way. And Dogen says, if a person who is staying at home, dash lay person, if somebody who is not appearing as a monk, who is living without trying to get anything out of life, and is trying to practice the Bodhisattva precepts, they can realize the truth.

[31:52]

So one meaning of leaving home is transcending the values of secular society. Transcending the values of the society of attachment. The society of attachment, transcending those values. Being compassionate towards the society of attachment. Loving all beings who are devoted to attachment and gain. But renouncing and transcending the gain and fame agenda society. The other meaning is to take on the form and the ceremony of a monk. Including that you take on the form and the ceremony of the monk, renouncing gain and fame.

[33:03]

Some monks seem in the history of this tradition to have taken on the form of a monk, and still being concerned with fame and gain. Some lay people also in this tradition, people who tried to enter this tradition, but got involved in fame and gain. Probably almost no monk has avoided ever slipping into fame and gain. That's why we have confession and repentance for monks and non-monks. Just a minute. So Dogen is, and I think Zen Center, San Francisco Zen Center is saying, we affirm, I think it says it now in our bylaws practically, we affirm the path, I think they use the path of the lay person,

[34:08]

we affirm the path of those who live at home, those who are not residential monastics. We affirm their path as a way to practice the Buddha way. But we also, I think at Zen Center, affirm the path of formal monastic practice. So now as we're approaching an ordination of quite a few people at Zen Center at Green Gulch, we're looking at what does renunciation mean for you people? What are you renouncing? How is your renunciation in receiving the precepts? The same as not apprehending anything and realizing the truth. The testing ground, the classical testing ground to see if you're attached to anything, if you're apprehending anything, is the practice of the Bodhisattva precepts. Can you practice these precepts wholeheartedly and not attach to them?

[35:09]

Now some people who don't practice them at all, they feel like, well I don't attach to them, I never even think about them. But again, that's like trying not to be proud, to turn your confidence down so far that you think, now I'm so depressed I couldn't possibly be proud down here. So once again, the medium by which we practice to see if we actually like letting go of attachment is with these precepts. Make that clear in this tradition. That's what we work with, to test and verify non-attachment. Now a very advanced practice could be, can you test your non-attachment by forgetting the precepts all the time, just completely forget them as a test?

[36:11]

And I would say that's too advanced probably for this world system. So I'm personally, you can see, I'm personally trying to practice the forms and ceremonies of a monk. At the same time, I live at Green Gulch and I live here. So I'm trying to practice the forms and ceremonies of a monk. But this place and Green Gulch do not belong to me. And this place and Green Gulch are things for me to not be possessive of. And I'm devoted to my wife and to various grandchildren and their parents. I'm devoted to them. But I'm also devoted to you.

[37:14]

When I first got ordained, when I first took the form of a monk in an ordination process, my understanding was that I was getting married for the welfare of all beings. And I had the idea that the last person I was devoted to was my wife. I didn't tell her that, but she gradually found out. And over the years, I stopped making her last. I just make my devotion to her total. But I also vow to make my vow to everybody total. So in that sense, I vow to leave home and be totally devoted to all beings,

[38:19]

not just my wife, not just the grandchildren. My wife is not my best friend. She's my wife. And I only have one. So far, that's the setup. Probably won't change, because that would take quite a few years. I'll be gone before that gets reorganized. Some people do have many wives. I don't. But I wish to be devoted to all beings, and the wife I have is actually letting me be devoted to all beings. She's remarkably not jealous. The center of gravity of the word jealous is to be possessive of what you possess. And envy is like wanting something you don't have that kind of belongs to somebody else. Wishing you were as good looking as somebody else. And jealousy is more like holding on to your own good looks.

[39:22]

So she's remarkably unjealous about me. She's sharing me with the whole world. And also, she appreciates me being her servant. And being devoted to her. And I do too. And that makes my life go really much more simply. That I just focus on being devoted to her and everybody. That's the foundation of leaving home. Is to be devoted totally to all beings. And not being attached to any of them. And once again, when the devotion is total, it's simultaneous with not apprehending. If you're devoted to someone you're still apprehending, I wouldn't say stop being devoted. I would say be more devoted. More, more, more. Until there's no place to get hold.

[40:27]

Go so low, there's no place to go. So, once again, I want, I affirm, I'm committed to you all practicing the Buddha way together with all beings. Everybody. And I also enjoy doing the practice of the forms and ceremonies. So you are actually doing some of the ceremonies and forms that are usually considered the concrete manifestation of a monk. And some other people are doing more than what most of you are doing. And they may do this, and the most formal part of that training

[41:34]

happens for five years. After that they can continue that same level of formality, or they may leave. And I say, this person did this training for five years, and now I feel they can present themselves as a priest. In other words, they can present themselves as someone who has done this training for five years, and wishes to continue to enact these forms. And I'm giving my life to this, I enjoy this, I think this helps, I think it's helpful to the people involved, to me, and to the people who aren't involved. I think it helps me help those who are not yet making this commitment. It helps me be clearer about what leaving home means. I'm, in other words, not giving up the issue

[42:36]

of leaving home and saying, we're not leaving home. I think that it's necessary to leave home. So I'm saying to you, I think it's necessary that you leave home in your home. I think it's necessary that you be devoted totally to your family, and that you be devoted totally to a much bigger family. And I think that's best for your family, your small family, that you be totally devoted to them and everybody else. I think it's best for your family to tell your family, I'll give you my life on a dime, if you need it. And my true family includes all beings. However, I'll probably be buried next to you.

[43:40]

Looks like that's, you know, not everybody is going to have their ashes right next to mine, probably, because you're my husband, you're my wife. You have a special relationship. We have a special karmic affinity here. But my true family is all karmic relationships. And it's good for your special karmic relationships to know that they and you together are actually living together with everybody. I hope I'm not being too proud about this, but I do kind of feel like gently but firmly biting the leaving home bullet. And once again,

[44:55]

it's not the case that people who assume the form of being a priest don't have some great challenges about, like, being more devoted to one person than another. They seem to continue to have a struggle with really being totally devoted to this person, this person, this person, this person. But what does that mean? It doesn't mean the same thing for each person. The way it plays out is different for each person. And the way we feel in our heart, holding back or not. And again, not being proud of our understanding that there's no holding back. You might feel like there's no holding back with somebody, which is great. But do you actually approve of that understanding?

[45:59]

Are you proud of it? Are you open to the possibility that actually you're just deluding yourself, that you're not really totally devoted to the person? And you might say, yeah, I am. I feel like I'm totally devoted, but I'm open to maybe I'm just dreaming that I am. And maybe something would happen that would show me that, no, no, oops, I don't want to do that. But I don't want to do that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not totally devoted, it just means I don't want to do that, and so on. Studying karmic consciousness is really hard. So, to learn the Buddha way is to learn the self. To learn the self is to learn karmic consciousness. The Buddha way is based on

[47:01]

great compassion and loving kindness, and the Buddha way is basically leaping beyond all distinctions of enlightenment and delusion, of self and other, of little family and big family. It's leaping. And that leads me to the statement here that this leaving home, the life of leaving home is to somersault. It's turning the wheel of Dharma. Somersault. Somersault. Study the self. So, yeah, leaving home, giving up attachment to everything, including the Buddha way,

[48:01]

and receiving Buddha's precepts is realizing the truth, is the state of Buddha's wisdom, is Zazen, is the Lotus Sutra, is Buddha meeting Buddha face to face. And since it's twelve o'clock, I will postpone all the many other things I wanted to say to you until later. Is there any response you have to this encouragement to leave home and attain liberation? Yes? I noticed that you called it a bullet.

[49:05]

Hmm? I noticed that you called this leaving home a bullet. I thought that was curious. Well, it goes with the thing of, I could say, I'm going to bite the the tire of leaving home. But the usual expression is bite the bullet. But you could also bite the tire, or bite the wheel of leaving home. Accordingly, I sort of feel like sometimes when people talk about their commitments, they actually use words like obligation, and it sounds kind of grim. Yeah. Or grave. Grim, grave, and gray. By the way, the color of this building is going to be more gray than it is now. This is just a primer. It'll be a little darker and grayer. Yeah.

[50:09]

In order to be Buddha, you must be able to be like an infant. And infants are sometimes grave and grim. And they scream out in pain when they're feeling grave and grim. But they also, I heard, laugh not the newborns, but from the time they learn how to laugh, they start laughing a lot every day. So we need to be having basically a good time, having a lot of joy in our commitment to study the self. Without joy, we're going to be half-hearted. However, when you're wholehearted, you will be joyful. But when you're joyful, it's not like, hey, no graveness, no heaviness. No, no. When you're joyful, you're up for gravity.

[51:11]

Gravity? Okay, welcome gravity. I'm devoted to gravity. Yeah, gravity. Body's gravity. Okay. Okay. Sit up straight in the face of gravity? Okay, yes, I'll try. I say this over and over. When Suzuki Rishi was old, he said, now I'm old. And he said that when he was younger than I am now. Now I'm old. So I can't sit up straight anymore. But I can try. And so that's one of the things nice about Zen, it's a physical practice, it's a body practice. It's a practice for people who have bodies. It's a practice, it's a body practice for people who have bodies.

[52:18]

And the thing that attracted me about it, and I'd been attracted to many other body practices prior to running into Zen practice, was most of those other body practices I realized I would not be able to do pretty soon. But I thought, no, that Zen body practice, you can do that right up until you're dead. You can try to sit up straight, even when you're dying. You can try. You might not be able to, but you can try. So I'm so happy to be here with you. Yes? When I hear about renunciation of fame and gain, I think sometimes if I should read that literally, or it's more esoteric than not having belongings or position. No, it's fame and gain.

[53:22]

You can have possessions without being famous. And you can have possessions without trying to get something. So it would be that you would have possessions, but that you'd be ready to give them away. And you wouldn't give them away to try to gain something from getting them away. So the first bodhisattva practice, basically, is giving. Giving your life, making your life a gift. But not to try to get reward. You will get reward, but you're not trying to get it. You're not trying to gain from the practice of giving. You're not trying to gain from the practice of tranquility. You're not trying to gain from the practice of wisdom. You're trying to practice giving for the welfare of all beings. And you understand that this is going to be a great thing, but you're not concerned with gain. Somehow we have to learn this fancy trick. Like, to have confidence without pride is really quite a feat.

[54:28]

I'm trying, I commit publicly, I'm trying to empty my house. I'm trying to gradually give away everything. And all my books I'm giving to Zen students. And my daughter says, wait a minute, make me first. Let me decide who gets what. And my robes are going to Zen students. And everything else I'm going to try to... I'll keep them around for a while. I'm still using them. But they're all going to go. And any money I have is going to go. And everything else that would be difficult for somebody to figure out what to do with,

[55:35]

I'm going to try to get rid of. Anything that would be disgusting and tormenting for somebody to figure out what to do with, I'm trying to get rid of. So I'm doing the joyful practice of trying to empty the house now. And you're much younger than me, but I would encourage you to try to empty your house. And then after you empty it, if you need to get something else, go get it and bring it into the house. And then give it away. Like this blue sweater you're wearing, please give it to us. But you can wear it while you're giving it to us for a while. It's fine. It's just really nice for you to wear that. Thank you very much. So it's okay for people who are not thinking of themselves as monks to act like monks. It's fine. No problem. It's just kind of a problem for people who are monks not to act like monks. But the nice thing about being a monk is that people give them feedback when they're not acting like monks.

[56:40]

One of the difficulties of being a lay person is, if you're being possessive, people might not question you. What are you doing? They might say, well, you're a lay person, so you can be possessive and you can be into gain. This is the society which we wish to transcend. To make a society where we welcome people and they feel welcome to question us if we look like we're attached to something, rather than just taking care of it. Like washing your blue sweater. We wanted to do that, but if you're trying to wash it to keep it from changing and deteriorating, well, what's that? No, no. There's a question there for you on that one. So part of practice has to be, I renounce attachment. Please give me feedback on how I'm doing. I live in a house, but I renounce attachment. I'm devoted to my spouse, but I renounce attachment. I welcome your questions about how I'm doing this.

[57:42]

Does that make sense to you now? Yes. Great. Yes. Well, I think there's an explicit statement that being a priest is easier. Dogen says that, and I kind of agree. It's easier to adopt those forms. It's easier to be reminded of renunciation when you're doing certain forms. And also when you're doing these forms, your teacher and co-practitioners are obviously, literally being asked to give you feedback on them. Whereas you're not necessarily asking your teacher to give you feedback on your car, on your house, on your clothes.

[58:50]

You could, but you're not necessarily doing that. Whereas if you're in priest training, you're obviously asking your teacher to give you feedback on your clothes, your car, and your room. And part of the training is that your teacher can see your clothes every day and see how you wear them, and see what color they are, and see if you're taking care of them, and see if you seem to be trying to get a better wardrobe, and if so, what's the reason for it. And you're welcoming feedback on that from the beginning. Whereas some lay people are not making it clear, we need feedback to keep honest. So in some ways, if you bite the tire of formal training, it's somewhat easier to keep getting checked on it.

[59:50]

So in some way, not having that support, it makes it harder to practice. So in that sense, you could make easier equal better. But it's not exactly, I don't necessarily think it's better, I think it's just, it is easier. Just like, as you know, most of you have done sesshins, and you know that during sesshin it's hard, but it's easier to be diligent in the sesshin in a way, than when sesshin is over. Because it's easy to make a big effort when you're climbing a mountain. You don't have to push yourself when you're climbing a mountain, all you have to do is climb it. You don't have to do it hard. You're guaranteed, most people are guaranteed, quite a challenge if you climb a steep incline. So it's easy to work hard in certain situations. In other situations, it's kind of hard to figure out how do you really exert yourself, if there's no resistance.

[60:55]

So the forms of monastic training, of group practice, like today, the forms are somewhat challenging, and it's not too difficult for you to find some traction to push on. Actually most of you are finding a little traction here, or some of you might be finding quite a bit of traction, but at the day's over you feel like, yeah, I made an effort. There was an effort there. It was easy, actually. It was fun, even, to work hard for a few hours. And that's how I feel too. Here we go, here it goes. It's 20 people to see today. 21 people to see today. Two talks to give. One lunch to eat. One body to try to prop up. Kind of hard, but I'm happy to do it with you.

[61:59]

I don't know how much longer, but I feel fortunate to be able to make this effort, and it's kind of hard. But in a way it's easier than to try to find some other way to make that effort. In some other venues, it's not so easy to figure out where am I getting challenged. Am I up for it? This one I clearly know from experience I'm up for it. So it can just be turned up, because I basically know, okay, okay, all right, okay. But if you throw me in a brand new situation, and I feel that, oh, I don't know about this new situation. I'm not sure what the ropes are here, so to speak. I'm feeling seasick. Yes? Kind of, because I haven't been there, I'm just kind of speculating it.

[63:05]

You mentioned about the priest and the priesthood, and the gain and fame. And the question comes to me, as somebody who has been raised to that understanding of the priesthood, naturally they must have renounced their fame and gain. So why does this fame and gain come into the place again? Where does it come from? Because they've done this great thing called renouncing fame and gain, and then they slip into thinking they've gained that attainment. Wow, I'm free of fame and gain. Fabulous. And I really am. And somebody says to you, wow, you've attained this. You're right, I have. And then there's some kind of like, oh, actually I'm kind of identifying with that. I'm kind of possessing that. That's very cool.

[64:09]

Do you say cool or cruel? Cool. Which? Cool? Cool. Cool, yeah. She said cool, I didn't know if it was going to be cool or cruel. Yeah. The last thing, pride. Because you've done so well, because you've been so sincere. You've worked so hard. And then you become proud and think, this is enough. And that's too bad. But it's not the end of the story. We can recover from our pride, supposedly. And many of you people, maybe I should say all you people, have a lot of material you could be proud of. Is that enough for pre-lunch time? Yes? Oh, I had a question, but I can wait.

[65:14]

Go ahead. Go ahead, please. Well, I had a reaction. When I'm hearing you talk about renunciation, I'm hearing liberation and freedom. Yeah, right. It says renunciation and attaining liberation. Renunciation. One statement is, renunciation is realizing truth. That's one statement. Or another one is, renunciation is attaining the way. The sentence doesn't have an English word, isn't it? It's Chinese, right? Leaving home, attaining the way. Renunciation, attaining the way. So, again, in the staying at home and attaining the way, inside of the staying at home, there has to be renunciation too. So in both cases, it's just that the formal, concrete leaving home is there in one case.

[66:18]

But in both cases, renunciation, attaining the way. Renunciation, realizing the truth. But what I feel about that is, letting go of fame and gain, letting go of the confines of the ego, is part of that process. So it's a freeing and an opening and an expanding of self in a way, rather than a negative. Another way you could say it is, studying the self and attaining the way. Or learning the self and attaining the way. And using the precepts as a way to study the self and attaining the way. And you can say it's not negative, and you can say it's not positive, or you can say it's transcending negative and positive. Yes? The begging bowls of Buddha.

[67:21]

The begging bowls of Buddha. And working here at home, you have to work to sustain your life. So, is that an image you have about your work? Is that the Buddha's begging bowl? That's it. Or is that a gain? No, a monk has to learn to ask for support without trying to gain anything. And a person who is not literally taking the form of a monk, should do the same way. They should offer their work as a gift. So the monk offers his bowl as a gift. He makes a request as a gift, without expecting the gift to come. And a lay person should also offer herself, her work, as a gift, without expecting to gain something. But you need the gain to sustain yourself.

[68:22]

Yes, so I would say you don't need to gain to sustain yourself. You could say, when a baby receives milk, the baby gains the milk. You could say that. So, we're talking about teaching the baby to suck on the tit without trying to gain the milk. And the babies work too. It's just that their work is to wiggle and poop and eat and cry and laugh and wiggle and so on, and get rashes. Their work is that kind of work. Everybody has to work. Everybody is working. So we're all working. We're all working. The question is, are we working skillfully? And part of working skillfully is to make our work a gift, and to look and see. When you came here today, you've been working. You're working, you're sitting, you're working, you're walking, you're working, you're listening, you're working, you're questioning, you're working. This is your work today.

[69:25]

And are you doing this to gain something? And if you are, that's a problem to look at. So what do you do? You confess, I was trying to get something out of the day. I was sitting to try to gain something. I confess that. I wasn't really giving myself to the practice of sitting. I wasn't just sitting here worshipping the Buddha's wisdom by sitting. I was trying to get some Buddha's wisdom. But to sit, worshipping Buddha's wisdom, to sit for the sake of others, you do get Buddha's wisdom. But to try to get Buddha's wisdom is antithetical to Buddha's wisdom. So we have to learn to devote ourselves to Buddha's wisdom without trying to get anything for ourselves or for anybody. This is called renunciation of our usual approach. But you do work. You do work. You're going to work for the rest of your life.

[70:28]

And all your work for the rest of your life could potentially be a gift. Every bit of work you do for the rest of your life could be a gift that you give to all of us. And we will give back to you. But if you give to us and don't mean it as a gift, and you're trying to get something back, then you introduce an obstruction to realizing your generosity, which is too bad, because in reality you are generous. You are really giving yourself with no expectation, in reality. But in delusion we think we're giving ourselves to get something. So when we notice we're doing something to get something, we just go a little bit delusion, delusion, delusion. I'm trying to get something. Delusion. Corrupting the giving.

[71:29]

But all bodhisattvas have noticed innumerable cases where their giving was tainted with trying to get something. I've been noticing that in my giving since I was eight years old, when I made a donation and I looked to see if my mother noticed. So many times I gave something and I was a little bit, did anybody see me give it? Many, many, many, many times. I gave, but not really. I was really giving to get reward. But now when I see that, I just say, oh, there it is. Tainted giving. In other words, not giving. Trying to get. Gain. So whether you're wearing this robe, the big robe, the medium-sized robe, or no robe, there's a possibility that you'll slip into trying to get something out of this life. And if you do, that's something to confess and repent.

[72:38]

And not try to give again without expecting anything. One, two, three, here you go. And you will be supported. You will receive livelihood for your work. Either way, you're going to receive livelihood. Either way, you're going to receive support. Either way means if you try to gain from your work, or if you don't try to gain from your work. Both ways you'll get supported. But one way, you'll be very happy and you'll be teaching the Bodhisattva way. The other way, you should confess that and repent that and get over it. And so should I. So should we all. May our intention.

[73:32]

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