Good morning. Good morning. Tamar, could you, if you have a clock, could you put it down below and just turn it towards me and I think I can see it if you put it on the... Oh, that's fine. I was thinking it was just going to blow. It's okay. I'm happy to welcome Mary Mosine, our Dharma sister. She's been practicing many years. She's a student of Mel's, but she did a lot of her priest training at San Francisco Zen Center in Tassajara. And then she started the Vallejo Zen Center, and I think just this summer had a kind of mountain seat. Last year, actually. It was last year. Wasn't it? There are many people here that are deeply involved. Anyway, she has the Vallejo Zen Center, and we're happy to hear from her this morning. and I started out here in 1988, March of 88.

[01:07]

So I want to talk about what is a bodhisattva or the koan of a bodhisattva. Some of us in Vallejo have been, we're just starting to study the Prajnaparamita in 8,000 lines, which is one of the shorter ones, actually. The Perfection of Wisdom in 8,000 lines. There are lots of Perfection of Wisdom sutras, including the one we chant all the time, the Heart Sutra. That's the very condensed version. But this one in 8,000 lines is probably the first one and it's in verse and then it's in prose and I suggested we study it because I have never had to never read it and it seems it's a rather fundamental text for us.

[02:14]

This is a basic Mahayana Buddhist text. It grows out of the beginning of Mahayana Buddhism. and it's about the practice of a bodhisattva. And we talk about bodhisattvas all the time. And we refer to ourselves and one another as bodhisattvas. Sometimes I ask myself, you know, say, what would a bodhisattva do? Lori Tanaki, to whom I talk occasionally about difficulties I'm having, is rather tough with me. I don't know if she's tough with me. And so if I may be complaining and the fingers pointing that way, she'll say, well, we're doing Bodhisattva practice, right? What's Bodhisattva practice here? And my stomach sort of contracts.

[03:17]

You mean I have to let go of being irritated? I have to let go of resenting? I have to stop complaining? What's the fun in that? But that feeling is also a letting go. It's an acknowledging in my body, oh, that's right, that's my deep intention. And it's hard. This is difficult practice. It's not easy. And sometimes we talk about it in a way that I think kind of glosses over, oh, bodhisattvas, yes, we're enlightening beings, we're working on it, we're trying to live for others or something like that. That's true. And it's difficult and it's a very deep practice. And there's a koan at the heart of it, which I will get to.

[04:17]

But talking about it being difficult, I just want to read you the opening verse. So this is called the preliminary admonition. So as you study this, as you practice it, because this is about practice, right? This is not a literary event so much. Call forth as much as you can of love, of respect, and of faith. Remove the obstructing defilements and clear away all your taints. Listen to the perfect wisdom of the gentle Buddha. taught for the wheel of the world for heroic spirits intended taught for the well-being the welfare of the world for heroic spirits intended that's us heroic spirits so it gives you some little idea of what's coming like uh-oh

[05:34]

I'm being asked to be a hero. A maha-sattva is a heroic being. Sattva means being. And maha means great, brave, heroic. So we say a then when we dedicate at the end of a service, we say, Bodhisattvas, Maha-sattvas. Bodhisattvas are Maha-sattvas. So, they are great beings. Bodhisattvas are great beings, Bodhisattvas are heroic beings and you know there's lots of hero stories that you've read and the hero always goes through difficulties and has a hard time.

[06:53]

You know if the hero just sort of like swept everything aside and charged to rescue the guy in the tower then she wouldn't be very interesting, would she? It's the difficulties that we work with that are interesting and that constitute our practice. The koan of a bodhisattva is to completely let go of any ideas about what's going on, completely let go of fixations, completely let go of attachments, completely see the reality of experience, which is that it is empty.

[08:00]

That's the secret, that's it. You can all go home now, it's all empty, forget it. and know that it's nothing, there's nothing but connection and flow, energy maybe. Beings are like a flash of lightning, a dew drop on the grass, a magic show, a cloud. That's us. A bodhisattva knows that in their bones and yet a bodhisattva is intended and intends to save all suffering beings, lead us all out of suffering into nirvana, liberate us. And when I say us, I include myself. The Bodhisattva doesn't separate from beings and a Bodhisattva's base is compassion.

[09:04]

But how do you arouse compassion? How do you do this? when you don't believe in it. And the way of a Bodhisattva is to make this offering to all beings and acquire vast, vast, incalculable heaps of merit and seek to become a Buddha. but with no ambition, with no expectation, with no attachment to that merit. A bodhisattva acquires merit and turns it over, constantly turning it over. That's why when we chant, we dedicate the merit. We dedicate the merit of this chanting to the enlightenment of all beings.

[10:09]

At the end of the Bodhisattva ceremony that we just did, I dedicated the merit. I let it go. Of course, one of the little weird things is that you let it go. In dedicating it and turning it over and giving it to all beings, of course, you acquire unimaginable amounts of merit. So there's nothing for it but to ignore it. A bodhisattva just does. A bodhisattva just gives. In some sense a bodhisattva just is. In the Diamond Sutra, which is another perfection of wisdom sutra, it says a bodhisattva unsupported gives a gift. Unsupported, no idea of gift, no idea of giver, no idea of receiver, just That's the practice of a bodhisattva and it's our practice.

[11:21]

But we kind of forget or we don't take ourselves seriously enough I think sometimes. So I want to read just a little bit of this. So these first couple are from the basic teachings. Number five, no wisdom can we get hold of, no highest perfection, no bodhisattva, no thought of enlightenment either. When told of this, if not bewildered and in no way anxious, a bodhisattva courses in the well-gone's wisdom. Well-gone is one of the many names for Buddha.

[12:24]

No perfection, no bodhisattva, no thought of enlightenment. If you're not worried when you hear that, then you're coursing in the wisdom of the Buddha. Now, of course, we get worried when we hear that. What is this wisdom? Whose and whence, he queries, and then she finds that all these dharmas are entirely empty. Uncowed and fearless in the face of that discovery, not far from Bodhi is that Bodhi being then, Bodhisattva. Bodhi, the wisdom of the Buddhas. Okay. What is this wisdom? Whose and whence, she queries, and then he finds that all these dharmas are entirely empty. Uncowed and fearless in the face of that discovery, not far from Bodhi is that Bodhi being then.

[13:27]

So we start out, we start out practicing and we start hearing about being a Bodhisattva, Bodhisattva practice, and we sort of think, well, well, what's that about? And what are those people over there doing? And, oh, I can see that in Lori. I can see that in Sojin. but it's not mine. What are you talking about, no self, no me, no thing? I can see this book, it's right here. And you start sitting for a while and then you begin to get a little feeling and maybe it's a queasy feeling. of not being able to grab onto. You may have some conversations with a teacher and they may say something like, or you read, try to find a self. Where's your self? You have a self?

[14:31]

I think I have a self. I confess this. I confess it. But I can't find it. If you cut off your leg, would you still be yourself? What if you cut off the other leg? What if you cut off your arms? Would you still be yourself? If you went blind? Is it in your little finger? Is it in your brain? Do you have thoughts that come not from your brain? Don't seem to come from your brain? Yes, you do. Yes, you do. When you get quiet and pay attention, you'll notice that thoughts arise. They seem to come, for me, they seem to come from my gut. You may have your own experience, but you can feel it. It ain't your brain. So what is yourself? Buddha says there's no self and there's no soul. What's going on here?

[15:34]

So you start to kind of feel, you start to feel queasy. You start to get a taste of this emptiness, this no self, no person. And you think, oh, what's going on? What is it? Who's in whence is it? He says, this Bodhisattva, what is this wisdom? Who's in whence? And then he finds that it's entirely empty. It's empty of own being. It doesn't have some sort of essential self. Then what? I remember once studying something along these lines and sitting in Zazen at the city center, San Francisco Zen Center, and I'd been stewing about it. It was a writing of Dogen's. I'd been really stewing about it and talking with people. I was in a seminar and we were studying this. Gakudo Yojinshu points to watch on studying the way. And Dogen says something about if you completely understand discontinuity, that's liberation.

[16:38]

And I did not like that. I did not like it, and I didn't exactly know why, but we were studying it, and we read those two sentences, and I exploded. I said, what? I don't understand that. What do you mean? Because it feels to me, my hand is here, and it moves over here. And I see it move, and that looks like continuity to me. And it really bothered me a lot. And Blanche Hartman was leading, she still talks about it. I guess I was I was upset and I think it was because my ego knew that there was a big challenge here. My brain didn't know it but my body knew it. There was a big challenge there and at some point during those couple of weeks when we were studying that I was sitting in the Zendo and I felt as if I got socked in the solar plexus.

[17:41]

I don't know that I actually doubled over, but it felt like that, and I may have done a little. But what happened was, it was just, it was a realization, and then the words came. The words were, know me, and that's what I didn't like. And with that understanding, I could start to loosen my, loosen my grip because it was like I hit bottom about it. That was the bottom. I didn't like this notion of no me. But I got it viscerally that this emptiness, this no self implied no me. And in Bodhisattva, our practice is to try to stand it. I started to say Bodhisattva can stand that, can take that, and go on with joy and with equanimity.

[18:47]

But we are beginning Bodhisattvas, we are not quite Avalokiteshvara Manjushri yet, so we're working on it. But you can have moments of deeply understanding no me and that being all right. And then act from that place. A bodhisattva acts from that place. Now there's a story which I won't go on about. Case 14 in the Blue Cliff Record. Yunmin is questioned by a student, what's the teaching of an entire lifetime? And we usually say, what he said, an appropriate response. Actually, the translation says an appropriate statement, but at any rate, an appropriate response. That's the practice of a bodhisattva, an appropriate response.

[19:51]

A response from emptiness, from no giver, no gift, no receiver, just see what's needed, do what's needed. See what's useful, do what's useful. And we do that from time to time with no idea of recompense. So often when we give a gift, we're expecting a thank you, or we have a sort of a, well, she gave me last Christmas something that was probably worth around $20, so I should give her something in that range. There's these quid pro quos that we have. that we're often not even conscious of until maybe you give somebody something and they don't say thank you or they don't give you a gift next whatever the opportunity is and then you find out that you had the expectation but sometimes we just respond out of emptiness that's the appropriate response simply trusting the Dharma

[21:05]

to come forth and experience itself, to flower. Years ago, I was in an Al-Anon meeting, and I had been practicing for a couple of years, I guess, practicing Zazen here, and I was in an Al-Anon meeting, and I was sitting next to a woman who was sharing, and she was talking, and she was in a lot of pain, and she's talking about something really difficult, and she was crying and I'm sitting beside her and I kept saying to myself, you should take her hand, you should put your arm around her, you should this, that and the other thing and I just didn't. I didn't do those things and then at the end of the meeting We all stood up, this is standard, we all stood up and we held hands and we said the closing prayer.

[22:07]

And at the end of the... I think it ends with keep coming back, it works. But at any rate, at the end of that prayer, I turned to her and she turned to me, she came into my arms and I held her and she sobbed in my arms. And that was an appropriate response And I didn't think about it. I didn't plan it. There was no should in it. It just happened very naturally. So I always thought of that, that that was an appropriate response. I did a practice period at Green Gulch not long after that, that Ten Shin Rev. Anderson led. at some point I told him about that and he said, well, let that be emblematic for you. Let that encourage your practice. Simply responding.

[23:11]

It didn't come from shoulds, I did not take a market survey, I didn't have a focus group, I just responded. And we do that. We do that. And our practice is I think intended to encourage us to do it more often or to do it easily. Without all that, I mean, I spent 10 minutes listening to her and beating myself up, you know, but not that I wasn't doing something. But actually, probably in that instance, not doing was also the appropriate response because she needed to be able to, she didn't need to be comforted, she needed to say it and then later be comforted. You know, sometimes people just need to, they need to get their pain outside of their bodies. They need to say it. So an appropriate response could be doing nothing. But it's hard, it's hard to wait and allow oneself to be open enough to allow this appropriate response.

[24:26]

to allow the universe to come forth and experience itself and to stop trying to intervene and to insert oneself, as we so often do. There's a great phrase, you know, stay close and do nothing. That's Bodhisattva practice. Stay close and do nothing. And that staying close includes staying close to this one so that you know what's going on here. Perhaps you're not exactly coursing an emptiness right at the moment. So if you're frightened or angry or anxious or impatient or whatever, knowing that, maybe you don't have to impose it on others. And doing nothing doesn't mean passivity. It means not leaning in. So I want to read two more and then stop. It's a little bit late. We started a little bit late. So I'm going to read 24 and 25. This is the section on the transcendental nature of bodhisattvas.

[25:32]

Why is bodhisattvas coursing thus? Do you understand what I'm saying when I say coursing? You know, like a river running in it, practicing it. We say in the Heart Sutra, avalokiteshvara, when practicing deeply the prajna paramita. Another translation is when coursing in. Why is bodhisattvas coursing thus reflect on non-production? on not leaning in, not coming from the ego place. Reflect on non-production and yet while doing so engender in themselves the great compassion, which is however free from any notion of a being. Thereby they practice wisdom, the highest perfection. When free from doubts, the Bodhisattva carries on her practice. As skilled in wisdom, he is known to dwell. All dharmas are not really there.

[26:34]

Their essential, original nature is empty. To comprehend this is the practice of wisdom, perfection supreme. So, that's what we're aiming for, but let's not aim for anything. Just sit down, get quiet, pay attention, see what happens. That's easy to say. So this is the koan of our practice. How do we settle in emptiness, course in emptiness, and yet act in the world. How do you understand the insubstantiality of yourself and others and yet arouse great compassion?

[27:44]

Vimalakirti a wonderful lay teacher from Buddha's time said, in answer Manjushri asked that same question, well if we're supposed to see them like dew drops on the grass or a magic show or something, why should we care? And Vimalakirti said because you remember what it felt like to be living in attachment, to be living in suffering and confusion. And you know how good it feels when you let go of that. And we all know this. You know those times when you have a fight with somebody and you are wrong. And you don't want to apologize and you keep justifying yourself. And you sit in Zazen and you sit there and you stew about it and you argue with the other person. or you and or you beat yourself up and finally you get tired of that and you get clear enough you go to the other person and you just say I'm sorry I lied to you I'm sorry I was rude to you without any explanation because you know it's not usually all your fault but whatever just saying that

[29:16]

and how amazingly wonderful that feels. That's Bodhisattva practice. And knowing that you feel that way, you know that other people feel that way. So, the more you can let go of that clinging, that self-clinging and self-preservation and all that junk that we carry around, what a delight. So this isn't about something, some pie in the sky, these guys on the altar. This is about us. So you know what it felt like to be mired in suffering and confusion and you know what it feels like when you let that go. So you want to share that with others. You want to not impose your suffering and confusion on others. So that's the koan of a bodhisattva.

[30:23]

How do you just do this without being attached to it? Without thinking of yourself as a good person? Difficult. It's for heroic spirits intended. but it's also the teaching of the gentle Buddhas, and I don't think we have any choice. Thanks. Do you have any questions or comments or your own definitions of a Bodhisattva? Well, I feel a little bit like even though you said something else, avoid this problem, but still I feel like we've been given, some of us might think we've been given some shoulds. Like I should be heroic, I should be selfless, I should be, I should apologize for things that I do, you know, I should be letting things go all the time.

[31:30]

So I would, I feel like I'm one of the many beings that's coursing in delusion And I feel a little bit left behind here in this talk. Well, I guess there are shoulds. And we do the precepts and there's a way in which there are shoulds, except they're not like hard and fast concrete rules. They're offerings of koans. And we're all left behind in the sense that none of us is Buddha yet. This is a work in progress and what I suggest to you is that you try it on. Try paying attention, getting quiet and paying attention and see how the other thing works for you. See how it works for you to be unkind to somebody and not apologize. How does that work for you?

[32:31]

Or how does it work for you to not to pay attention to the precepts. How does it work for you to lie or to gossip or to kill however you understand that killing. My experience is that when I'm really paying attention I find out that it's really, it really feels yucky what I'm doing and I do those things. We all violate the precepts. I don't know anybody that doesn't violate the precepts. And so we are working on it. But I think the practice is sit down, get quiet, pay attention, and see, look deeply at what it feels like, what's going on. And notice where you're clinging, and see what that feels like. And notice when you're hurting yourself and others, usually, in that process.

[33:33]

And watch it, and watch it, and watch it. And then eventually, probably, you'll get tired of it, Loosen your grip. That was a little more for people like me. Well, I'm trying to talk about them. I almost said at the beginning this is kind of an experiment. But the thing is that I don't want to talk about bodhisattvas. I wanted to try to talk about bodhisattvas not in a sort of politically correct way. You know what I'm saying? Because there's a way in which we can be glib about it, I think. And it is for heroic spirits intended. It is hard. When Laurie says to me, look, it's a Bodhisattva practice, isn't it? It's not like I just say, oh, okay, right. You know, I don't. It's like, ugh. And I may not, you know, I may just sort of say, thanks a lot. And a week later, I can

[34:33]

let go of something or another. And then I do it again. And maybe it's easier to let go of the next time. But do you see what I'm saying? It's not an easy thing. It isn't an easy thing. But we're all in it together. I can't say everything at once, but I just wanted to try to talk about it in these terms. Yeah? something that was helpful about this too, which is that this describes the fruit of practice, as well as the direction of practice. So if we do our practice, we can't help become bodhisattvas. So we may be discouraged and think we aren't, but we can't help but become that as we practice. So it describes what you will become. So it's an encouragement. It's not a should. necessarily. And just by starting our practice at some level, we have started to let go of the idea that there's a separate self.

[35:43]

And that once we take that step, it's kind of inevitable that this is what will happen to us. We'll become heroes, whether we want to or not. Maybe in five minutes, maybe in five lifetimes, we don't know. But that's another way to look at it, rather than as a series of, you know, shaking fingers. you know, description of the past. And it's a series of koans, you know, as the precepts are koans. If you ever think you completely understand a precept, the universe is going to give you a dope slap. You know, it's just going to happen. Yeah, Peter? I'm still kind of stuck on this question of where does the energy come from to generate compassion? There's nothing there. And I'm thinking something about that moment. The seed is in that moment of complaining, of not accepting, of thinking that you are real and suffering with it.

[36:52]

That in those moments is where the seed is for that energy. I think that's right. I think that's right. Just this moment. That's right. And remembering what it feels like, that ugh. Don't even have to remember. That's true. That's true. The moment will give you the dope slap and help you. I think that's right. And then also, those times when you let it go. Because we all do this. It's not like, it's not like that's some pie in the sky. We do this. You may not stop and notice because when you just do, you're not, you're not thinking, oh, that was nice. Oh, that worked well, you know. But afterwards you may well notice, oh, I just responded. I simply responded, wow, that felt, you know, and then you think, oh, it feels light. But it's true, it's right here, this is plenty of motivation. There was, yeah, and this would be, I think, the last question, because it's a little, yes?

[37:57]

A lot of the language does feel encouraging, and because it's so ennobling, heroic, and bodhisattva, and all of that, and it's hard not to attach to that language, and to of course want to be ennobled, and to want to feel heroic, to want all those things, and to feel maybe a little over-attached, And I'm wondering if the language is meant to encourage the beginning of practice and then over time you let go of it? Or does it become cycles that you use it to be inspired and then you let go of it? Well, it's both. I mean, I only read you little bits and pieces, but there's a tremendous amount of contradiction, just as in the Heart Sutra. No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no path, no suffering, no confusion, no nothing. it's got a lot of that in it. And so it is, it meant to encourage us by talking in this wonderful, it refers to this, this rose apple land, which is quite beautiful.

[39:11]

But it also is meant, I think, to pull the rug out from under you. You don't see any wisdom, you don't see any bodhisattvas, you don't see any beings. No, no, [...] no. The Diamond Sutra is even more that way. at any rate. So I think it's both. And so you read it and you begin to get that very useful queasy feeling. Know me. What do you mean, know me? And so it's all of the above. I don't think it's particularly geared towards beginners. This text is not. But I think it is meant to encourage us. but in a variety of ways, including tough love. So you have to read it. I think we should stop. It's already 10 after 11.

[40:13]

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