Good morning, everybody. For the benefit of those people who are here for the first time and might not know what's going on, My name is Ross Blum, and I'm the shuso, or head student, for a practice period here at Berkeley Zen Center. And this is my second talk about practice and my life. And we're gonna talk, or I'm gonna give a talk, and we'll have a little time afterwards for questions, and afterwards, in the garden, With tea and cookies, we could talk a little more if you have some things you'd like to raise. I'd like to thank everybody who's here today attending this talk.

[01:32]

Attendance has been somewhat lower than anticipated during the practice period, and I don't think it was people wanting to save their energy for a Saturday lecture. In any case, your attendance here is appreciated. Someone asked me after my first talk, were you nervous up there? And I said, well, yes, I was a little nervous, but it's hard to not feel comfortable when there's so many smiling and supportive faces facing one. So thanks again. Last time I spoke about a gentleman whose name is Dongshan. Dung Chan lived in China in the 9th century and that time Zen was in its golden age.

[02:36]

It was leaving some of the stylistic practices of India or Indian Buddhism behind and coming into its own and the flavor of our Zen in this country is It draws strongly from Chinese Zen and, of course, Japanese Zen. There are three stories which I'm going to read and then comment on and attempt to draw parallels between the three. Dunshan, when he was taking his leave, his teacher, Yanyan, asked, where are you going?

[03:41]

Dongshan replied, although I am leaving you, I still haven't decided where I'll stay. Yunyan asked, you're not going to Hunan, are you? No, replied Dongshan. You're not returning to your native town, are you? Asked Yunyan. No, replied Dongshan. When will you return? Asked Yunyan. I'll wait until you have a fixed residence, said Dongshan. Yunyan said. After your departure, it will be hard to meet again," Dongshan said. It will be hard not to meet. End of story. Now, while these stories are around 1,100 years old, one can read them and try to figure out what is going on here between these two people. It's our job as Zen students to find out what's going on with this person.

[04:50]

So these stories are mirrors and metaphors for our life. And for me, what I'm about to say applies to myself and trying to listen without a judging is too strong a word, without thinking of your own experience so much. And then afterwards, hopefully the story will resonate with something inside you. The tradition is that students work with their teachers up to a point, and then they move on. That happens here also. People practice the BCC and move on. Some people stay for longer periods of time. So, Deng Shan, by this time, had had some understanding of Buddha nature. And he was about to take his leave.

[05:54]

And Yunyan asked where he was going. And Deng Shan said, I'll wait until you have a fixed residence. Well, what is fixed? In our practice, what we come to realize is that there is nothing at all fixed. Everything is in a constant state of flux. So what is Deng Xian saying? Where will his teacher be in a fixed residence? Well, his teacher doesn't have a fixed residence. From one moment to the next, he's in a different place. And he's right where he's at. Yun-Yun is in no abode. He's not going anywhere. He's where he's supposed to be.

[06:56]

Sogyal Roshi the other night in class was talking about Prajnaparamita and going to the other shore. In our practice we talk about attaining enlightenment, waking up and going to the other shore. And in the old school of Buddhism that came out of India, there was a lot of striving and orientation toward practicing in a certain way in order to get to the other shore, to get to nirvana. And what we talk about in our school and what we try to instill in students here is that the other shore is right here. Now, how can the other shore be right here in my misery or in my joy? Well, if you don't have any other place to go, then the only place to be is right here. While I was studying for this talk, I heard myself thinking how the many ways of presenting this story and my understanding and my experiences, and for a moment I was getting a little bored with it.

[08:21]

And then I realized that all these teachings are recounting, repeating the same thing again and again from different points of view, from different people's experiences. And at some point, if we're fortunate enough, we have a little opening and a little awakening to what's already been said 108 times before. Yen-Yen's teacher, Yen-Yen said, after your departure, it will be hard to meet again. Dung-Shan said, it will be hard not to meet. I started thinking about where we meet. And while physically we can be in one place or another and say, well, I'm in North Berkeley and you're in South Berkeley, or this person died 30 years ago, he's not around. I was reminded at our annual Suzuki Roshi memorial service where in December we make an offering to Suzuki Roshi and we talk to him.

[09:32]

Suzuki Roshi died in 1971. So there's only a few people in this room who physically practiced with him for those years in the late 60s. But for most of us we never met him. I used to have a lot of sadness about not meeting him. And over the years, once a year we have this ceremony, and at first I thought, this is just a contrivance. There's a picture of Suzuki Roshi on the altar, we offer incense, we stand in the back, we do a bow, and then we recite a poem or say something. And then as the years went by, I started feeling his presence here. I didn't want to be anywhere else. I had stopped thinking about this is just a contrivance. Everyone here is making an effort to create a space of not going anywhere, not going to another shore, and being right here in this moment.

[10:44]

And the result of that is that we meet Suzuki Roshi very clearly once a year at that ceremony. And more often we meet him in each moment, if we can see that. By virtue of our dualisms and discursive mind, we need help in order to see that we are at the other shore already. So we use props. Some of these props are pictures, incense, black round cushions, four pillars, tea and cookies. But whichever prop you have in your sphere of influence is all that you have, and that's being here in this moment,

[11:53]

and meeting with Suzuki Roshi. It's hard not to meet him. A few moments ago I was in my house thinking about this talk and I was sitting there, trying not to get too excited, and I had a nice cup of tea, and then I looked at this picture, I have a frame, I have a bow leaf, and the leaf is from a tree that was grafted from the tree that Shakyamuni Buddha supposedly was enlightened under in India. and it was given to me after the fellow who had borrowed it died.

[13:04]

And I started wondering about where did Dr. Lidecker go? Dr. Lidecker was a Fulbright scholar in India and he was very interested in religion and he studied a lot and his house was a museum of religious artifacts. Dr. Leidecker, but he had died some years ago. I was looking at the leaf and I started crying and I thought, well, Dr. Leidecker is right here. And then I began thinking about the water that was coming out of my eyes. And I began thinking about the water that had been flavored with tea leaves that I had just drunk. And then on and on and on about all the water that is in this universe.

[14:15]

And as I think most of you know, nothing is created and nothing is destroyed. All this water is just moving around the universe and finding a place and moving on and finding another place and moving on. And when one looks at water that way and looks at people that way, we can see that there in fact is true interrelatedness between all beings. And it's very easy to lose faith about that interrelatedness between all beings when our life is in such chaos and despair that there's just too much crying or too much distraction. In the next story, retells Tungshan's enlightenment.

[15:22]

Just before leaving, Tungshan asked, if after many years someone should ask if I am able to portray the master's likeness, how should I respond? After remaining quiet for a while, Yunyun said, just this person. Tungshan was lost in thought. Yunyun said, Che Akarya. Having assumed the burden of this great matter, you must be very cautious." Tungshan remained doubtful, or dubious, about what Yanyan had said. Later, as he was crossing a river, he saw his reflected image and experienced a great awakening to the meaning of the previous exchange. He composed the following gato. Earnestly avoid seeking without, lest it recede far from you. Today I am walking alone. Yet everywhere I meet myself. He is now no other than myself, but I am not now him. It must be understood in this way in order to merge with suchness.

[16:27]

After remaining quiet for a while, Yun-Yun said, just this person. We've all remained quiet for a while. It sets a certain tone and then form arises. Some years ago, a homeless person had found our old laundry room, and he lived there, unbeknownst to us. And one morning, my ex-wife went down to check on her laundry before Zaza, and the door wouldn't open. And she came upstairs, somewhat startled, and said, Ross, I think somebody's in the laundry room. You want to check it out? So I went down there and I pushed the door and it didn't open and then this form appeared in the window. And there was just two forms beholding each other.

[17:51]

And then the gentleman got up and moved away. I opened the door and I told him what you I spoke to Sojourn Roshi about this incident and he said something to the effect of form is emptiness. So we set this tone or we experience this tone of emptiness and form arises. As I mentioned earlier, Tungshan had a fair amount of understanding about Buddhadharma by the time he had left his teacher, Yunyun, so the tone had already been set. He was walking along, as the story says, and he was crossing a stream and he looked down and he saw his reflection.

[18:57]

So what did Tungshan see? I see myself. I was talking to Sargent Roshi the other day, and he said, if you're walking in the woods, and you see your reflection in the tree, the tree trunk, what do you see? Well, as the book says, I was lost in thought. Well I looked at these lines and I worked at trying to understand what was being offered. And then I thought again back to this man who was in our laundry room. And before discursive mind enters in and starts dividing and separates rich and poor, homeless

[20:08]

not, and all the other ways that we separate out in the world, it was just two images beholding each other. We talk a lot about being dead, not physically dead, but spiritually dead, which is spiritually alive. When we're truly dead, then we can take in the whole universe. So in each moment, if we are quiet, if we are dead, then we come to life. And what do we come to life to? We come to life to ourself. And ourself is what we see.

[21:19]

I was walking home from work the other day, down Vine Street, and I walked by a man who was sorting through some garbage for some food. And I started crying. I didn't stop I just continued walking to my motorcycle to come home because I had an appointment here. So first it was just crying. And then all Ross had to figure out what was crying about. And the crying was just an expression of the plight of all of us, not just that man, of trying to be comfortable. It's been a lot of crying these past couple of years.

[22:41]

Earlier in the week, a friend came by where I work and said that they needed to speak to me. And I could tell that they were upset. And I said, well, I have a lunch break in about 10 minutes. Can you wait? He said, OK. So when lunchtime came at noon, I went outside and they were in front of the juice bar, which is just down the street. It's a little, tiny little restaurant. So I went down to meet my friend and my friend was standing up straight and crying. And at first I separated and I felt a little uncomfortable. because I was known by lots of people on Vine Street because I've been there for nine years, and it seemed a little intimate. And after a while, a short while, the clamor in my mind and the feeling uncomfortable faded, and the activity around my friend and I was a mild din.

[24:02]

And all there was, was my friend's tears falling like pearls glistening in the light against a dark sweater. And we stood there for a few moments and it was okay. When I separated, I didn't feel like there was this oneness, there was trueness. And when I just stood there, it was very intimate and very quiet. And all that was going on was just what was going on

[25:07]

When Yuen Yuen responded to his student, he said, just this person, just this person is just this universe, or just this oneness, taking full responsibility for his actions, taking full responsibility for our life. When I've tried to shield myself from the universe and protect my ego, and all which I still do, I don't feel so connected. It feels very separate. And as I've been sitting, I've realized that there's really nothing to protect. I've been living here for about nine years now, and it's like living in a fishbowl, which has its advantages and disadvantages.

[26:40]

One of the advantages is that it clearly shows you that there's really no place to hide. And when there's no place to hide, you can be very vulnerable. And as I said earlier, it's easy to be vulnerable when there's a lot of support around you. But ultimately, one has to do it themself. And when you do it yourself, you realize, as I've tried to tell by these stories, that everyone is trying. Everywhere I go, I see myself.

[27:54]

He is now no other than myself, but I am not now him. Before we separate, before we start objectifying, we in fact are at one with the whole universe. But when we continue to try to objectify and to fix ourselves in some way, that separation mirrors to us, shows us that I am not now him. About every three months I have this really incredible experience of getting a haircut with what little hair I have left. When I get a haircut, I have to take my glasses off. So I'm getting my haircut, and in a very short period of time, the haircut is over, and I get to put my glasses back on.

[29:02]

In that first moment of putting my glasses on, there's just Ross in the mirror. There's just seeing. And then in the next moment, I start turning my head and think about, well, I could be a little shorter here, you know, could you, this sort of stuff. So our life is about putting our glasses on and seeing in that first moment. And we really can see in that first moment what Tungshan saw when he crossed the stream. then it's okay to fix your hair and to make all these little adjustments to our life because we know that underneath the surface of all these changes and efforts that we make, deep down inside, there's a pool of calmness.

[30:07]

And that form, in fact, does return to emptiness. And it's through Zazen and setting a tone for quiet mind that we have an opportunity to get little experiences, little glimpses of what the ancestors have been telling us for so many years. One of the first questions that we're asked when we come to practice is, why did you come to practice? And we have lots of responses to that. I came to practice because of X, Y, and Z. And at some point, we realize that we don't know why we came to practice. Another way of explaining it is we came to practice to find our true self or to Buddha nature finds Buddha nature.

[31:13]

There's many ways of explaining it, but ultimately there's no figuring it out. And that is just clearly seeing the reflection in the stream. Well, there are a few holes. and we have a few minutes to fill them. So I encourage people if they have questions or comments to bring them up and we can talk a little more about that. I remember years ago liking taking my glasses off because things were a little blurry.

[32:28]

And I think I'm just a little too comfortable with how I am. And I need to be reminded of when I was younger and to take my glasses off more. in that blurry fuzz. You get glimpses of what your ancestors have told you.

[33:30]

What I meant by that is when we study the history of Zen and we chant the lineage, which goes back 2,500 years, it's very easy to think those people lived long ago in a different country and all that, which is true. But at the same time, we have to bring them into our life now in this moment. So the glimpses I was talking about is seeing with the same eyes that those people saw back then, that there's no gap, there's no time difference. There's this tune by Charlie Parker called Now Is The Time, Now Is The Time. The emptiness is everything as it is, without discrimination.

[35:02]

And the form without discrimination that arises is a form that our life takes. So, what came up was that gentleman in the window. That was a form out of emptiness. And that form was no different than emptiness. Deep down inside, underneath it all, there was no distinction between the two. The distinction arose when I started thinking going through my dualistic mind. Maybe not too unlike when you came into the zendo and someone had broken in the zendo. There was someone here that morning and then they escorted themselves out the window.

[36:17]

Is that From his side, putting myself in his place, there's a difference between the street and a warm laundry room. I don't quite know how to get at it, and I don't want to get into a long discussion. There's something that doesn't quite meet there for me. Well, there is a difference between the street and the warm laundry room. there isn't a difference between the street and the warm laundry room. And I think if we stick to the differences, we'll protect ourselves more and more in getting our place in this world set up in a certain way, which is just setting up more dualisms.

[37:29]

But you're right, it's definitely a longer discussion. But a fruitful discussion, which I look forward to talking with the two of you. Ellen. Well, there's two questions that I'll be brief and not make it a long discussion. Which is that it seemed to me that you were talking the connection that that was why he was there. Because he was comfortable. But then when the two of you met, that changed the circumstance. And that he was no longer comfortable, or you weren't comfortable with him being there. And so then he went back to the street. Thanks for watching.

[38:47]

I went outside with that person. I was in Pete's and part of me left Pete's. It oscillates back and forth between one, two, they, me. Yes? I just wanted also to thank you for your very moving and clarifying talk. Thanks for this repeat performance of your second lecture. It is. Sojin said that there was a little talk and maybe I should comment more on the the koans and the reason that I did a lot of history in the first talk was that to give it a sort of context for when all this was going on and I like history and all.

[40:45]

we see ourselves, or meet ourselves, in various different contexts. But if there's an important teacher or a person on the street, one doesn't know when they're going to appear. That's right. And sometimes one really isn't quite prepared. And it may end up halfway down the block before you realize it. Right. that you maybe need to go back. Yeah. And the state of mind that you're... Well, and I've done that. I've written letters and I've made phone calls when I haven't been present with people. And I haven't really just been there. But it really does help to realize that the teaching entity is... it takes form You have to notice, you have to take notice.

[42:22]

Well, Satsang helps. It really does. It wears one away. It wears the one away. It wears the two away. And as Olga asked earlier about the ancestors way back, the material can be very dry and it's a matter of bringing it to the present with our own experience. We all have our own experiences of what I was talking about. These just happened to be mine. I had the opportunity to talk about them. And over the teas during this practice period, lots of people have shared their stories, and some are surprisingly similar to my own. That's one of the ways it seems that we meet. That's correct, yeah. Yes, Julia?

[43:26]

I was interested to hear you use the word props, and I wondered how you think, or whether it would, how our practice would change if the props changed, or if we had no props here at all, or if... We would create props if we didn't have any props here. These happen to be the props that were inherited from Japanese Zen. And why would we create props? Because that's what we do. Why? We need props, we need support. There are teachers in this country who practice without props and they have responded to the It's restricted to someone's understanding. And so without the props, one's left to their own devices to find their own way. But we're very creative people, and we devise ways of creating little props, little forms, which might be only known to us and not so visible.

[44:34]

A certain way to lay the book out on the table here is a nice little prop. But not too many people know about Ross's particular ways of having things a certain way. So we find our props, but it's important to see the props as ways of letting go. And I'd like to end my talk on that because it's a little bit late. Suzuki Roshi gave a lecture in 71 which talked about Doshan's waking up while crossing a stream and seeing himself. And then he talked about the rules of the temple and the forms that were followed. And a lot of people have resistance to the forms because they don't want to do it that way. Why do we do it this way? And Suzuki Roshi was trying to instill in the students that the rules are there for your benefit, the forms are there for your benefit, and when you let go of your ideas of how you want things to be, then you can just follow along with everybody else and it's just one body moving through the universe.

[45:45]

And it feels really great, but as long as there's a resistance, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that, what are these forms, what are these props about, I don't know. It's good to ask questions, but at some point, it just feels, to me, it feels really right on just to do the forms and leave the commentary aside for discussion outside. Forms are created out of emptiness and the forms are just props and it's important to know that they're inherently empty and that there is no substantiality to the forms. They're just there for your benefit and the way the zendo is set up in this nice quiet space, this tone that's set, it's set and established for waking up. Bells are hit, people walk quietly. All these things are for your benefit, for our benefit. We have to end, I'm afraid, but we can talk outside.

[46:53]

Thank you again for your attention, and I look forward to one more opportunity, which will be the Shiso Ceremony, Monday the 24th, to field questions.

[47:05]

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