May I have that question, please? Yes. It's about that mindful being with the way things are. Given the way that dependent co-arising is, what is the nature and role of authentic conscious intention and responsibility, both in zazen and everyday life? What is the role of what? Authentic conscious intention or choice or maybe even willing. I'm not quite sure how to say it exactly, but choice, intention. Good effort. Maybe he means good efforts. What comes to mind is that what I said earlier was that spiritual freedom is based on moral commitment.

[01:12]

And one aspect of moral commitment is that you commit to do good. and not to do harmful things. In one sense, what this means is that we have to, in order to do good, we have to somehow get into intimate accord with the way things are. Until we are convinced and really accept that things are dependently co-arising, we are not enlightened.

[02:14]

And if we're not enlightened as to the nature of things, in fact, although we may try to be harmless or even beneficial in the world and really be trying to do that, until we understand dependent co-arising, our attempts are not authentic. Our moral activity is not authentic because authentic moral action must and can arise only from enlightenment spontaneously. So I'm not in control of my choices by my own power. But when I enter into the way I actually happen, when I enter into the way I'm actually happening and understand that, then my moral behavior will spontaneously arise from being in accord with the nature of things, which means enlightenment.

[03:23]

So authentic right action will arise from enlightenment spontaneously. But also in order to enter into enlightenment and enter into rapport with the way things are, I must have moral commitment. So prior to realizing the nature of dependent core arising, if I make a moral commitment that's necessary, in order to understand dependent core arising, I must make a moral commitment. I cannot understand dependent core arising without that. But when that moral commitment comes to fruit as actually according with dependent core arising, then this is an authentic enlightenment because it's based on moral commitment.

[04:26]

And the morality which emerges from that enlightenment is authentic morality because it's coming out of the way things are. So choice is an event that occurs. The choices that, you know, like my hand is now going in the air. Did I choose for that hand to go in the air? You could say I did. But actually this raising of the hand did not happen by my power. This event, like all things, happens with the coming forth of many conditions other than itself. It did not produce itself. My voice right now, you could say that there's a choice of words happening here, a choice of which words are being spoken. Yes, but who's making the choice? All dharmas are coming forth to realize this person.

[05:32]

To think that this person is here deciding what to say is, quote, delusion. Sometimes all dharmas come forth and realize a person who makes a moral commitment, who says, I wish actually to practice good. The person says that. But that activity is a dependent core arising, which means that that activity exists, comes into being and lasts for a little while, It exists for a little while in dependence on things other than itself. It does not make itself. My words do not make themselves, and I do not make myself who makes my words. But I sometimes come with words, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I come with silence. But I don't make myself.

[06:36]

And yet, in a sense, the universe chooses me to be a certain way by chucking up a bunch of conditions and then in that way. So in a sense the universe chooses you to be the way you are moment by moment and just for the moment. It doesn't keep you being that way. The universe chooses not to keep you going on for a little while. The universe chooses to make you exist for a moment and then chooses for you to cease and then chooses for you to be that way again. So authentic, you know, actually, you know the word author has to do with to create. The root of the word author means to make. So authentic is related to author. And so authentic morality, authentic morality, authentic good has to be in accord with the way things actually happen.

[07:38]

And being in accord with things the way they happen, being in accord with the way things happen means that all things come forth and realize you. Being in accord with that, that's enlightenment. So enlightenment and morality have to be conjoined. So when you are really thinking about how all things are coming forth to realize you, and you're really thinking about that and meditating on that and being mindful of that, and you're watching your behavior in that context, I think your behavior is becoming closer and closer to being authentically awakened or authentically arising from awakening. And the phenomenon of choice is like also a dependable arising.

[08:45]

And so in a sense there's choice every moment, but in a sense of choice is an illusion. When our stories about choice are illusions. The stories we have about choice are the way it appears to be round or square. But the other features of your choices are infinite in variety. How the choice actually occurs is infinite in variety. But we still have to take care of, minutely and detailedly watch our choices. Watch those little squares and circles. Watch those stories we have about our choices. And then that choice that you see, that circle of water, remember that there's an ocean around it.

[09:49]

And that this thing arose from the ocean. Not from you. And not from itself. although you and it are dependent on each other. How does that work for you? That was pretty good. Pointing me towards the ocean, at least. But also, I hope, encouraging you to pay attention to the circle of water. Don't skip over it and demean it in any way.

[10:54]

So again, your small story or your story about morality should be noticed. What you think is good in a particular case, what appears to be good to you, should be noticed. You should be mindful of that and take care of that. But we also want to be liberated from our ideas of what is moral and authentic. Okay? We want to be liberated from our stories of what is moral and authentic. Not to belittle what we think is moral or what other people think is moral. or which means to belittle what we think is immoral or what other people think is immoral, not to belittle that or deny that, but how can we meditate on this in such a way as to be liberated from morality?

[12:06]

The only way to be liberated from morality is based on more commitment. So you make a commitment to your morality and then you meditate in such a way as to become enlightened about your morality. And then your morality becomes authentic and you're free of it. Same way in a relationship. Do you want to be free of your spouse? Only be free of your spouse when you make an unadulterated commitment to your spouse. And you can be free of your spouse. You can be completely free when you're completely committed not just to ethics, but ethics are very important.

[13:11]

This may be a good time to read this. In the San Francisco newspaper, they interviewed people around the Bay Area and asked the question, do you expect a terrorist attack on the U.S. ? And this one Chinese man in Oakland said, there will be peace as noisy terrorists fade like yesterday's bells unrung. Sleepy Democrats will emerge like groundhogs blinking at the sun. And pigs will grow wings and fly. Catherine told me that somebody wrote a question on a piece of paper downstairs, and Catherine likes to read during these retreats.

[14:35]

So she's reading the latest news, the retreat news. So she tells me about what she's reading. And one of the things she read about was somebody was wondering what the significance of bowing is. And I don't know what the person means by bowing, but was it, this is one kind of bowing? You mean this kind of bowing? Who wrote that? Huh? Who wrote the question? I did. You did? You mean this kind of bowing? So this strictly, this is one kind of bow is to join your palms and then lean forward a little bit or quite a ways. You wonder what the significance of that is? Well, a lot of us come from a tradition where we don't practice that, and so we're doing it here, and I thought it would be nice to understand more the significance of, because there's a lot, you know, we bow to our cushion, and we turn around and bow out, we bow at our meals. Okay.

[15:36]

And just to understand more, like, you know, what's behind that, instead of just doing it without understanding what it signifies. Well, the first thing I would say is you say, what's behind it? Okay? What am I going to say? The pinnacle of rising. The pinnacle of rising is behind it, right. So, in this world, in this dusty world, it looks like these palms are coming together and we're bowing forward at some point. But behind this appearance, this thing has, the features of this thing are infinite in variety. There are worlds there behind this. Okay? But I can tell some more stories in the dusty realm about what this is about. I can tell you a little bit about it, right? So, stories or the history of this, right? Joining the palms and then for example, bowing forward little ways or bowing all the way to the earth.

[16:40]

That's another way to do it. There's a chant that we sometimes recite when we're doing the bow. In the chant, one way I'd translate this was, person bowing, person bowed to, their nature, no nature. my body, other bodies, not two. Plunge into the inexhaustible vow, realize freedom. So, in a sense, when you join your hands together, You're joining self and other.

[17:42]

You're joining subject and object. You're joining yourself and Buddha by bringing your hands together. And then when you bow, you kind of like are cutting through the duality. Because the nature of Buddha and the nature of you, if you're bowing to a Buddha statue or to another person, the nature of the Buddha and the nature of you, you both have this nature of being dependently co-arisen, of being a dependent co-arising. And you both have the nature of depending on things other than yourself. So in that way, you're bowing to something which has the same nature as you. And in a sense, you have no nature, because the pinnacle of rising means you don't have any nature of your own. You have the nature of depending on things other than yourself. That's your nature for your existence. The nature of your being is that you depend on things other than yourself.

[18:46]

And Buddha also depends on things other than herself to exist. For example, Buddha depends on all of the Buddhas, and Buddha depends on all living beings, because Buddha is nothing really but love for all beings. So there's no Buddha without all beings. So Buddha also doesn't make herself. You don't make yourself, so you're like Buddha. So when you bow to Buddha, you understand you're bowing to what has the same nature as you, which is that you don't have your own nature, and Buddha doesn't have her own nature. Also, your body and Buddha's body are not two. So joining your hands symbolizes that, and bowing means cutting through the apparent separation. That's one kind of, like, way to meditate on what a bha means, or what it's trying to teach us and remind us of.

[19:50]

And then we bha at certain places, like we come in the meditation hall, and just in case you didn't notice that you're coming in the meditation hall, if you join your hands and bha, you say, oh yeah, I'm coming into a meditation hall. Hmm, okay. Otherwise, if you just walk in, you might not notice that you're going into a meditation room. I mean, you know it is, but somehow you might not stop and say, okay, yeah, right, oh yeah. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't bow when you enter other rooms. Matter of fact, it might be a good practice, every room you enter, or rather, at the entering of every room, to stop and bow And then watch and see how everything comes and gives you life. Come in the room, you go, and then watch and see how life is given to you by the room and the people in the room.

[20:59]

And you can do that in every room. Do that meditation. So let go of that you were there before. You know, just clear the decks of you and then watch and see how when you step in the room you get a new self. I sometimes say, you know, when you come into the meditation hall, check yourself at the door. don't bring yourself in the room, and then watch how you get a new self as soon as you step inside. So this is a way to, in a sense, you could say respect the room, respect the place you're going to sit, respect the people you meet, but respect partly means honor, but etymologically respect means look again.

[22:09]

Respectus. Look again. Okay? So you meet somebody and you think, oh yeah, that's Amy. And then you bow to Amy and you say, wait a minute. Let's look again here. She appears to be that way, but there's infinite features beyond what she appears to be. And the bow can remind you to look again at everybody you meet. Look again. Oh yeah, their nature, they have no nature. I have no nature, they have no nature. They're much more than I can see. My version of you is humblingly narrow. Please forgive me for my narrow opinion of you. I can't help it. I'm a human. I simplify everything.

[23:12]

My brain simplifies, makes a simple version of you, like you're a woman. I can't help it. But I'm sorry in a way that my mind does that, but I'm human, so please accept that I do that with everybody I meet, not just you. It's not personal that I make you into a limited thing. I do that with everybody. Maybe you do too, for all I know. I'm not sure. But although I do that, I also, at the same time, that when I bow to you I remind myself I'm bowing to you and I have a limited version of you. That limited version I want to mix with a version of you which is beyond my conception. I want to remember that now so that bow gives me a chance to do that.

[24:16]

I think you're my friend, okay, but you're not just my friend, you're much more than that. I think you're my enemy, you're not just my enemy, although I have a tendency to hold on to that. Your enemy has infinite features beyond being enemy too. Now you might think, oh my friend, my friend has infinite features beyond that, that's fine. But my enemy does too? Wait a minute. Or maybe my enemy has a few other futures, but not infinite. I'm not going to give my enemy infinite possibilities. No, no, not that. Yes. Your enemy might be a great bodhisattva, for all you know. You don't know. It's possible. Because it's infinite possibilities here. The gassho can, the joining the palms, joining yourself in this person, realizing that you're creating each other, can remind you of the teaching of your true relationship.

[25:37]

can remind you that their nature and your nature is the same. Your appearance is different from his appearance, yes. He's square and you're round. Your actual nature is the same. You're both dependent on core risings and you both don't have your own nature, other than being dependent on core risings. You don't have your own unique – I shouldn't say unique – you don't have your own independent existence. Neither one of you make yourselves. In that way, you're very intimate. And again, see, bow's nice because you don't have to hug him. I'm intimate with my enemy? See, with the bow, you keep a little distance. Intimate with my enemy?

[26:53]

Yeah, oh, yeah, really? Then you can really be sincere, you know, like, oh, this is really something. Here I am bowing to this person who I hate, bowing to this appearance which I hate. But this person that appears to me in this way, in this hateful appearance, has a character of infinite varieties beyond this appearance. So it starts to loosen the hate. and you treat them the same way you treat Buddha. Hopefully you give them the same bow that you give Buddha. Wouldn't that be something? To give your enemy the same bow as Buddha? Buddha would give that person the same bow as Buddha gives to Buddha.

[27:55]

Try it. So this is some stories about the Baal. Thank you. There's eight million stories about the Baal. That's from a TV show from the 50s, I think. There's eight million stories in the Naked City. This is one of them. The Naked City is New York. The population in New York is eight million. By the way, just for your information, you can figure out by the size of the human head and how big a hair is and so on, that there are a number of people in New York who have exactly the same number of hairs on their head Of course, two bald people have the same number, right?

[29:07]

But in all the possibilities, maybe one person has one, and maybe only one person has one, but some people have like 300,000 and somebody else maybe has 300,000, exactly the same number. And you know that must be so because of the number of people and the number of hair follicles that can exist on the head. And statistics, that's another part of this thing, that's another part of the reason for conceptual thought, is that statistics are useful in a probabilistic universe. So independent co-arising, probabilities are still functioning. Probabilities are also dependently co-arising.

[30:13]

So everything that events, everything that happens is a piece of data, right? But statistics are ways of working with data to categorize them and optimize probabilities for certain events. So conceptual thought can be used on statistical processes of dependent core arising in useful ways. That's one of the reasons why it's useful for us to project these categories onto our experience. Like, you know, this is probably Matt, and this is probably Lisa, right? So I have this general concept which I apply to him when I see him, and I apply to her when I see her. Even though they're different every time I see them, I have this thing that I use based on the statistics that my brain is generating.

[31:18]

When I first met them, I went through a complex process to come up with a reasonable image that would sort of work on them. And then as they change, I keep using that image, and it works pretty well, because statistically speaking, it's working out pretty well. We have a computer that can make those calculations and put those on people. So this is part of our deal, which makes us successful animals. But these images we put on people are just general. That's not actually what the person is, how the person is appearing. And if the person changes enough, we'll change the image. But generally, the image is the same. So this is part of being human. Other animals do it too, but we have this nature. Yes? Can you speak about how if we all go back to this limitless ocean or this existence, but limitless possibilities, and we come from that and we return to that?

[32:38]

Yeah. What about the death process? I mean, there are so many people that die really painful deaths. They linger for a long, long time. I would like to hear what you have to say about that. I mean, why would it be so awful for them to just take a pill? Because if we're all going back and returning, and it's just a circular thing. What is so immoral about that? Well, do you hear what she said? If somebody... I do run into people sometimes that talk to me about committing suicide, and what I sometimes say to them is I say, you know, I say, if you want to die right now, go right ahead. I'll sit here with you. Sorry. Huh? If they tell me they're considering suicide, I say to them, if you want to commit suicide, if you want to die, go ahead.

[33:40]

Go ahead. Just die right now. Just stop breathing. I'm not going to stop you. I might say, if you really want to die, I will support you, but I want to say a few things to you before you consider this. But I'd like you to actually, you know, Get enlightened first, okay? You're getting close. I'd like you just to finish it off and then die. But if you really don't want to finish the course, if you really want to go, I do run into people who really do want to go and I let them go. And I say, it's okay with me if you want to go. Do you understand what I'm saying? I do run into people who are on their way, they're going to die today, and I say to them, just in case they're not sure, I say, it's okay with me if you go.

[34:47]

It's been great knowing you, you can go now. And some people do have asked me, is it okay if I go? And I say, yes. And they go. Is it okay for them to determine when they go? Yes. I just say, I say, do you want to go now? And if they say no, I say, fine. If they want to go now, and they say yes, I say, fine. But to take a shotgun and put it to their head, I say, wait a minute, if you want to go, what do you need a shotgun for? What you need a shotgun for is you don't want to go. But if you blow your brains out, then you say, oh, now I want to go. In other words, if the person wants to go, and everybody will want to go, at a certain point you're going to say, hey, new body time or whatever, you know. You're all going to want to go. You're all going to say, you know, it's been great.

[35:49]

This is the last one. Great masters and mistresses all Let go of the body. They all take a last breath. We're all going to do that. Okay? And hopefully the people who love us will say, it's okay, you can go. It'd be nice to have you around, but if you want to go, okay, you can go. So I let them go. In fact, we all get to that point. So it's just the question is, do you have to traumatize yourself before in order to push yourself into a state where then you really want to go now? Okay. That's the question. And that I don't necessarily go along with. That I have some decision to talk to the person about. But, you know, now the question is now, I'll sometimes think, now if I was really like suffering, maybe I would just stop eating.

[36:55]

Because that would like, kind of like... It makes it easier, I think, to let go when you haven't been eating for a long time. It's harder to let go when you have a lot of food in your stomach. Because you know what will happen if you let go. Say, oh, I don't want to let go now because I'll poop if I let go. And there'll be all those, you know, I already call it those corn kernels in it. Yeah. from dinner last night. You might want to empty your stomach first before you let go because it's kind of tidier or something. Because you don't want people to find you in this big pool of So anyway, there are certain things I think are kind of okay to do, like taking a bath. It's kind of like something to make you feel more comfortable letting go. Cutting down your intake of food.

[38:00]

There's various things that people do when they get ready to go. I think that's fine. But to brutalize yourself... seems questionable, especially since sometimes when you brutalize yourself, it doesn't work. So then you're like this total mess and you're still alive and everybody has to take care of this, you know, the consequences of this muffed, traumatic, exit that you tried. But I think we do come to a place where the person says, it's time to let go of this particular setup and I feel ready to let go. And we say, okay. Sometimes we say, would you stay around just a little longer and sign this will? Or would you stay around a little longer and just give us one more Dharma talk? Or could I have one more psychotherapy session with you, please?

[39:00]

Or would you kiss me goodbye? Or would you tell me you love me? But basically, I think we should let them go when they want to go. But if they want to go, I question using things to push them, like, again, jumping off bridges and stuff. A lot of times when they jump off the bridge, when they're halfway down, they say, oops. And then they don't really let go and they get scared at the end. So I think the ideal thing is to try to go into it in the best possible state of mind. And blowing your brains out is not a very good state of mind. Or poisoning yourself is not a very good state of mind for most people. The kind of people who can blow their brains out and take poison and still stay present don't need to do that stuff to die. They can just let go. So I think I would just generally encourage the person to go in the best possible state, but at the same time, if they're ready to go, basically that's a pretty good state.

[40:07]

If they can just let go, that's good. But any kind of trauma or suppression of their consciousness, I have a question for them about that. But in fact, most people who want to commit suicide, I say, go ahead, go, and they can't do it because they don't want to die yet. Their body doesn't... Okay, you go... Your body says, take an inhale. And some people you know, actually, you can actually hold your breath, you can stop breathing, and then actually pass out, and your body then takes another breath for you. But sometimes you exhale, okay? you exhale, and you pass out, and your body doesn't take another breath. And that's it. Your body, you know, your dependent co-arising body, it also is actually the one that decides to die, not just your conscious thing. But at this point, your story and your body come together at a certain point, and your body says, okay.

[41:16]

Say, can I go now? Yes. And it's related to feeling comfortable not eating very much. It's related to feeling like, yeah, it's kind of like it doesn't hurt so much at the end of the exhale not to take another inhale. It's a little bit more comfortable. The body's kind of like saying, we don't actually, we'll be okay without more oxygen. And it's not so painful. And it's actually can be, it's a little bit painful maybe, but it's very, you can be calm at that last place where you exhale and no oxygen is coming in. The body doesn't say, give us more oxygen. You just get rid of the carbon dioxide and the body says, all right. A little bit, maybe. Couldn't have a little more. Can we have some oxygen? Well, I'm too tired. Okay. But sometimes the body says, give us more oxygen. You can't pull this on us. Get it in here.

[42:17]

And it forces you to take another breath. So it's not time yet. And your body doesn't want to die. So again, people say, I want to die. And I often say to them, Doesn't look like it to me. I mean, if you say so, but that's not what you're taught. You don't look like that. You look like you're really alive, actually. As a matter of fact, you look more alive today than you did yesterday. And actually, you may know that some people, when they're depressed and they start feeling better is when they commit suicide. When they're starting to come alive again, it's more painful. But they're actually more, the life, you know, the blood's flowing again and they're starting to come alive and then they want to commit suicide. So I have said that to a number of people. You look pretty alive to me. You look like you want to live to me. You look like most other people I know. You look like a great person to me. I don't want you to hurt this person. Don't hurt this person. But if you really want to stop breathing, go ahead. I'll, if you really do, I'll support that.

[43:21]

But it doesn't look like you do. So far nobody's like said, oh yeah, watch this. But if they do, then I was just wrong, you know. Which is fine with me. Because you're all going to do that someday. Everybody's going to do that. It's okay. And we do go back into pinnacle rising. It's true. We all go back to the same place that we're already in. And then pretty soon, you know, things are different, you know. I'm breathing you in a different way than I used to. You know, already we're inhaling each other's skin, right? People's skin falls off, you know, the fan circulates and goes in our nose. We're breathing each other right now. And when we die, we become more available because we're not holding ourselves together quite so tightly. So pretty soon we'll be in all of our friends in one way or another, you know, depending on if you get cremated, it goes one way.

[44:26]

If you get put in the ground, it goes another way. But basically, we get recirculated. We get recycled, right? That's a happy thing, you know. It's lovely. We become part of everything. And then everything maybe makes something out of that again, according to certain causal conditions. It's really quite lovely. But to do these gross acts of violence to a nice little human body... I don't really see that. I do not see it. I haven't yet seen it as a cool thing. But, you know, anything's possible. I don't want to be rigid, right? But so far, I've never seen an example where I thought suicide was a good deal. But I do feel quite differently about simply stopping eating. I don't think that's so violent. Just fast. And some people, if they fast... you know, start eating again.

[45:29]

Some young people fast, even stop drinking, and they say, now I want to eat. And some people fast, and they just keep fasting. But usually they're older people. Usually young bodies say, would you please change this program? We want water now. We want food. So, you know, it's not that much different between now and one week from now if you stop drinking. It's just one more week of suffering. I'd be willing to go along with you if you want to stop drinking for a while. How about that? If the person's really gung-ho, you know, they want to go today, would you consider another way of committing suicide, like just stop drinking? Because then, you know, They have like seven days maybe before they die from thirst.

[46:34]

And they say, well, this is painful too, but please, for me, die this way. It's less violent. And you're more present that way. So for me, do that. This is like my request. And I'll sit with you the whole time. I may fall asleep a few times, but I'll stay with you. And I'll keep drinking if it's all right with you, but I'll stay with you during this process. And it might be that on the seventh day, you know, or the sixth and a half day, they might have a great awakening. In fact, somebody told me about the... the Tendai school in Japan, you know, these mountain monks who climb Mount Hiei for a thousand days. At the end of that thousand days, they do a fast where they don't eat or drink anything for seven days. So for a thousand days, they climb Mount Hiei

[47:38]

Every day they climb. So that's three years they do that. Climb up and down Mount Hiei, which is on the east side of Kyoto in Japan. They climb up and climb down through winter and every day they do it. And if they can't, if they're sick or something, they get carried over. And then after three years like that, almost three years, Then they sit in meditation without any food or liquid for seven days. Their teacher is nearby. And then on the last few days they sit in front of a fire so that if they keel over they'll fall into the fire. And they get very close to death. You know, they usually have this great awakening on the last day, and that's their initiation into a certain elite group of priests, if you do that training.

[48:41]

But we can do that with everybody who's threatening suicide, say, can we just have a little training program now? So you just don't eat for seven days, and I'll stay with you, and maybe something really good will happen. However, it does help to do a thousand days of climbing beforehand. So you don't, you know, grumble over like seven days of no liquid. So these are ways to work with people. Try to make it more, you know, try to get them to do better than just like something gross like poison. or guns or jumping off bridges, that kind of thing. Let's try to get them to do some way that they can be more present. But again, anybody who can just do it like that, they're obviously quite advanced and they're pretty enlightened. They can just say, I want to die now, can I die? Say yes. Laze Master too, that they say to their students, I'm going today. Students say, oh, don't go. I say, okay, I'll postpone it a week. They say, no, I'm going. They say, okay, and they just drop dead.

[49:44]

Don't they write special poems, some of them? Some of them do, yeah. If someone's down on their head, there's various little tricks they do. But anyway, they get to a point where they think it's time to die, and they die. And they're sometimes not very sick. They just think, you know, there are cases where they weren't very sick, but they don't have any more work to do, you know. They've done enough poems. They've got excellent students who are doing all the work, you know, better than them because they're younger. And there is nothing left for them to do. They're successful, you know. There's no more work. And so they say, bye-bye. And, you know, there's some fussing sometimes, but then they say, calm down. When it's quiet, they go. It's kind of suicide when people die, actually. But it's a killing which is more like a letting go kind of killing.

[50:50]

It's not like violence to yourself. It's a respectful letting go of life in this form and re-entering into the great ocean, the pinnacle rising. And we're all going to do that, just a question of how beautifully are you going to do it. And I think, you know, blowing yourself to pieces is not very lovely. I think it's much nicer to be sitting there with your friends and say, bye, or I love you all. Or, I love you all. Or, I love you all. You know, whatever, you know, something cute, something lovely. Or, I love you all. Hold up a flower. You know, there's many things you can do at that time which will really encourage people, and they really feel like you do love them. You know, that you love them right to the end, you know.

[51:51]

What was his death like? Well, his was kind of interesting. The way he died was, he died, he was in quite a bit of pain, he had liver cancer, and it's now almost 32 years since he died. And cancer treatment has changed quite a bit since. I still think there's not much they can do for liver cancer. I think liver cancer is like really tough. You can't like take it out. You know, you got to have a liver. Anyway, he had liver cancer. And I guess they can do chemotherapy, maybe. Can they? I don't know. Radiation. But anyway, this is before that stuff was very well developed. He didn't really have any treatment on the cancer. And so he was in a lot of pain. And it was progressing much faster than he thought.

[52:59]

But anyway, we approached a seven-day session And I was actually planning on doing massage for him during the sesshin. So we didn't think he would die. But during the first period of the sesshin, as 130 people were sitting zazen in the zendo, he let go. So he let go and the session started. So he was upstairs, dying, and all his students were sitting. That's the way, the timing of it, which in retrospect looks very lovely. I don't know how conscious he was of that, or whether this was all orchestrated by the great ocean, but it was very lovely that he died just as almost all of us were there, to be with him when he went. And then we could come up to his room and we cleaned him up and put him in his room and we could all come up and offer incense.

[53:59]

So it was really a beautiful way. And also, although we did clean him up after he died, he also did take a bath the night before. And he hadn't taken a bath for quite a long time. So it seemed like he had kind of sensed that he was going to go. And did he choose it just as that day, knowing the session he was going to start? I don't know, but in fact, he did die during the first period. Just a little bit before the first period started. How did his students react? How did they react? Some were crying, some were not. Did the sheen go on? The sashin went on. The sashin went on. Was anybody with him personally?

[55:02]

His wife and his son. were there as he died. And then his wife came downstairs to the zendo. We had just started the period and asked Richard Baker and me to come up to the room. And then the other senior disciples came up and we did a little service. by senior disciples I mean the other ordained, his ordained priest students, came up, we did a little service, and then we invited everybody to come up and offer incense. And then we called people in the Bay Area. And then people came from around the Bay Area to offer incense to his body. And then we took his body away that day to the mortuary. And actually, you know, it's interesting because as we were driving to the mortuary to pick out a casket, I actually felt kind of funny because I thought, well, I should be sitting in the zendo, not be going to mortuaries.

[56:19]

But then I thought how rigid I was to that. Even when my teacher died, I thought I should be sitting in the zendo rather than... I thought, what could be more like zazen than to go to the funeral home to pick out a casket for my teacher? But there was... That's an example of morality that kind of sticks a little bit, you know? I'm like, well, I should be sitting in the zendo, right? It's sashin. I shouldn't be driving around in the city. But really... What was happening was my teacher had just died, so I probably should actually, like, get in the car and go drive to a mortuary. Actually, it's sort of like, to be with what's happening is sometimes better than to be with what you think is supposed to be going on. But it's sometimes hard to make the transition. Yes? Was he buried or cremated? Cremated. But he had... We had him in an open casket for about seven days afterwards.

[57:23]

First of all, he was at the funeral home for a little while, but then we brought his casket to Zen Center, so he was lying in state in Zen Center. And nowadays, Zen Center style would be more like to leave his body for three days or more and not embalm it. some people's bodies, after they die, start changing really fast. Of course, it depends on the temperature. You know, if you're in a hot place, some people's bodies start to, like, really go through this real fast transformation, and it just, like, it's too much maybe to, you know what I mean? Some people like to just fall apart. Other people, you know, and some people associate that with spiritual attainment, they stay kind of like tidy for a really long time. You know? Even in warm weather, they somehow, for some reason or other, they stay together and they sometimes talk about certain saints that have just not only stayed together but be warm for like considerable amount of time.

[58:35]

So we don't know what would have happened to his body if he had not been embalmed. But he was embalmed, so they take out all the organic stuff from the inside so that there's not so much to be transforming. So he didn't change that much. He just started getting, he was already kind of yellow from the liver cancer. So by the time that we took him, by the time of the funeral ceremony, he was really dark. First of all, it was kind of like yellow and kind of golden. Then his skin got really dark colored. And then we had the ceremony and then we And then his ashes are, you know, at the monastery and also back to his home temple in Japan. Well, it's kind of that bewitching hour again.

[59:38]

May our intention equally penetrate to every being and place, with the true merit of Buddha's way. I vow to save them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dark lights are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I bow to the government. So they have midterm exams and they have final exams. What's the exam between the midterm and the final?

[60:53]

What does jirguan mean? This is your Chinese tense. Jirgwan means stop. Stop and look, right. Actually, a nice way to learn it is stopping. Stopping. Stopping and seeing. Stopping and seeing. Two branches of meditation. stopping your discursive thought, becoming calm, and using your discursive thought to see the nature of things. So in Chinese, it's jirguan. In Sanskrit, it's . Sometimes they say Zen is a religion of wisdom.

[61:59]

Sometimes they say Zen is a religion of compassion, a religion of precepts, ethical precepts. Sometimes they say Zen is the religion of emptiness. Saying that Zen is the religion of emptiness is kind of like saying Zen is a religion of what? Nothing. Huh? Nothing. Of nothing. Wrong. Wisdom. Wisdom. I know that's a good thing. Thanks for saying that wrong answer. Emptiness isn't nothing. Emptiness is that all things are empty of what? Identity. What? Identity. Desiring existence. Independent. Independent being. Root. Huh? Root. Independent of root. Our ideas about them. Our ideas about the self, and they're empty of themselves.

[63:10]

Things are empty of themselves, which is the same as saying things are dependent on things other than themselves for their existence. So Zen is a religion of emptiness, but it's also a religion of precepts, a religion of compassion. Both. And one of the type of compassion meditation is, tranquility is compassion meditation. But from the time of the Buddha, it was well known that in order to develop deep tranquility, you must have, must be based on a very clear moral foundation. So on the compassion side, you have giving, you have precepts, and patience and so on.

[64:23]

These are the foundation of calm, of practicing calm and concentration. Okay. The Buddha's first teaching, the Buddha's first teaching, what did he teach? I told you, remember? What did he teach in his first teaching? What? He taught what? He taught the truth of suffering, right. What did you say? And he taught the origin of suffering, and he taught... The cessation of suffering. The cessation of suffering, and he taught the path to the cessation of suffering. He taught the Four Noble Truths in his first discourse. In his first discourse. What else did he teach in his first discourse? What did he teach at the beginning of his discourse? The first thing he mentioned. Middle way.

[65:24]

Middle way. The first thing he taught in the first discourse was the middle way. Sometimes known as M.W. M.W. He taught the middle way. And then he said, it is the middle way between extremes, right? And then he says, so the middle way avoids extremes. It avoids two types of addiction. It avoids two types of addiction. Two types of addiction is two ways of distracting yourself from what's happening. Two ways of distracting yourself from the truth of suffering. Two ways of distracting yourself from the truth of the origin of suffering. Two ways of distracting yourself from the truth of the cessation of suffering. Two ways of distracting yourself from the path of freedom from suffering. The middle way which avoids those extremes and therefore brings you face to face with the truth.

[66:27]

And then he said, and what's the middle way? What did he say? After he said, what's the middle way, what did he say? In the first discourse, do you know? Do you know? Just say so. Say no. Then he taught the middle way is right view, right attention, right action, right speech, right language, and so on, up to right concentration. That's the middle way. And then he says, I teach what's the middle way, and then he taught four long truths. So in the first teaching, he taught the middle way. The middle way, what kind of teaching is the middle way? It's a compassionate teaching about what? It's about wisdom. It's a wisdom teaching. It's a compassionate teaching about wisdom. The middle way is a wisdom teaching. Of course, it's compassionate.

[67:37]

It's a teaching from the compassionate Buddha about the nature of existence. The nature of existence is that it avoids the extremes. And the four noble truths he taught. Those are wisdom teachings. The Eightfold Path is a wisdom teaching. Anyway, he taught the Four Noble Truths. It's a wisdom teaching. How come he started with a wisdom teaching at the beginning of his practice? I just said wisdom has to be based on giving, precepts, pens that work, patience, precepts, patience, pens. Diligence. And concentration. So how come we went right into the wisdom practice?

[68:44]

At the beginning of his teaching, his first teaching was a wisdom teaching. How come he didn't teach compassion first and constant and tranquility practice? How come he went right into the guan and vipassana? How come he did that? Because he was talking to people who didn't practice. Right. He was talking to experienced yogis. He was talking to people who already were experts at shamatha, already experts at kama, already experts at tranquility meditation. They were like almost as good as he was at tranquility meditation. And in order to be good at tranquility meditation, these people are already also good at precepts. And believe me, if you're practicing naked in India and you get to be calm, you're practicing patience. And if you get really well developed in your concentration practice, that's because you're diligent. They already practiced all these practices. They were very good at them. So they went right into the wisdom teachings, which they never heard before. The world had never heard about the Four Noble Truths.

[69:54]

Never. This is his, you know... His insights. His insights that hadn't been seen before. This particular person found these insights. This is new. And then he could do a lot of other things, too, after that. But anyway, that was his first teaching to them. So, I've been... I lay a little bit of groundwork, compassion, at the beginning, but I haven't been, I've been trying to open you up to wisdom teachings. However, now that the retreat's come to a close, I want to tell you to remember that I'm just exposing you to these wisdom teachings, and you have to take care of yourself by doing these compassion practices after this retreat's over, because you may not know wisdom well enough yet. to be working on this by yourself without a teacher. I gave you some exposure. Now, I want you right over here, just three basic levels of wisdom, traditionally taught from the time of the Buddha.

[70:58]

And these three levels of wisdom are wisdom which arises prajna, or wisdom, which arises. In other words, wisdom is a dependent core arising too. And it arises in dependence on what? First of all, through hearing, which is called in Sanskrit, srutamaya prajna. Second of all, it arises through thinking, which is called cintamaya prajna. And third of all, it arises through meditation, which is called bhavanamaya prajna.

[71:34]

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