Good morning. My name is Paul Haller. This is the first time I've talked here. So, I was thinking about that, actually I started to think about that when I arrived here. I was thinking how Buddhist practice, in particular Zen practice, is It's not something outside of us. It's not something of itself. It's more the nature of interaction. It's more contextual. The situation creates the dharma. And so when I started to think like that, I was thinking, it's very interesting to come somewhere and just come in and talk. So I'd like to ask one question. I was thinking I could ask a whole series of questions.

[01:02]

I could ask, how many of you have sat for the first time? How many of you have sat for one year, two years, three years, four years? How many of you sit regularly? Thank you. I won't ask anything else. Recently, in my own practice, the buzzword we use for what we call doing Buddhism, I've been asking myself questions. I went to Tassajara, which is our center at the top of Carmel Valley in the wilderness. And there too I was thinking of, what is it to enter a new environment?

[02:03]

Can you be the person in that environment? So that was one of the questions I was asking myself. Can I be the person in Tassajara? And to support that, I thought I'd try on different aspects of practice. I had been thinking about what is practice and the definition I had been working with was a very traditional Buddhist one. It involves five factors. The factors are trust or confidence, or inspiration. Second factor is energy or engagement. The third factor is awareness, consciousness.

[03:09]

The fourth factor is concentration, sustained awareness. And the fifth factor is wisdom. This definition comes up in a context of what you might call early Buddhism. More analytical perspective than perhaps Zen would usually have. But it's very useful. It's useful in as much as that it puts in front of you a grid to see yourself, to see your own activity. to look at what you do in this context. You could say it's a manufactured context, a context we take on to discover what's going on. This is a context.

[04:12]

We're here. But as human beings, after a while, we take it for granted. You know, when you walk in the door for the first time, you notice. Like when I walked in this morning, I noticed certain things. They were very evident to me. But if I did that, when I walk in the Zen Center at Page Street, where I've lived for six years, I think there are a lot of things I probably just take for granted. I don't notice them because I've seen them all the time. So that's one thing, these sort of proposals of reality that Buddhism puts forward, that's one way they can be helpful. We can take them and examine our situation, our experience within them. And this particular sort of five-factor arrangement, we can think of it as

[05:22]

See, within the momentary context, you know, these are the five factors that arise in a couple of minutes as we practice. Or we can think of them over a long time. You know, we could look at this, I've been practicing ten years and I can see how my confidence in Buddhism has gone from tentative inquiry to some deep sense of trust and we could look at how our effort has gone from once again from tentative or maybe more usually our effort goes from some sense of struggle hopefully to some sense of moving with working with, that we work with our practice, that we work with our environment, we try to be in harmony with it.

[06:30]

And then the same applies to our consciousness. As we start to look at it, admit to it, to own it, to discover what it is to be this person. And how to sustain our awareness? Well, what is concentration? How do you stay aware as situations change? That was one of the questions I asked myself at Tessahara. I would ask myself, how do you stay aware when you move from Zazen to eating, to working, to taking care of your two children, to Zazen? One of the nice things about going to a simpler environment, which was my experience of Tassajara, I live in the city, it doesn't have the same complication as my city life.

[07:34]

So I could think of the day as just simple activities, zazen, working, eating, interacting with my kids, going to the baths. And that question could find itself easily. So when we come to practice, we come to explore. Maybe we come already with the definition or maybe we don't. And in some ways, it's a journey. And these five factors can describe the terrain of the journey, the terrain we pass through.

[08:37]

And as I said, they also describe the momentary event. And in one way, wisdom comes at the end. So we have consciousness, sustained consciousness and wisdom. And in another way, wisdom comes at the beginning, particularly in Zen practice. In our practice, immediately we bring... we bring forth an effort that isn't trying to achieve something special. We bring forth an effort to be in this environment to notice what it is and to notice what we are and to notice how the two combine or don't combine. And this is what we're told when someone describes to us how to sit.

[09:40]

When we ask someone, what is the point of Zen? This is what they tell us. So in some ways we say in Zen, first of all, we get enlightened and then we practice. And this is very helpful, it's a very helpful guide. But within these five factors, usually what comes up first is some notion. Life is suffering or whatever. Whatever particular piece of dharma that falls upon our ears and that we hear and nod or say, uh-huh, or whatever. And that initiates something. All the time something initiates the style of our engagement. So initially we take up something and hopefully we try it on as an experiment.

[10:52]

This is the flavor of Zen. Here's a proposition. and life has a quality of unsatisfactoriness. Well, check it out, see what that means. Or as it says in the bathroom here, only don't know. What does that mean? How do you proceed with that when you leave the bathroom? How do you proceed with that when you're in the bathroom? What wonderful chaos if everybody took that totally literally while they went to the bathroom. So the word in Pali is Sada and in English that covers the whole range from trust, confidence, inspiration to initial commitment. And sometimes in Zen we say, this is our practice, maturing and cultivating this to move into this experience with whatever it takes.

[12:14]

And this is the flavor with which we refine our effort. Perhaps initially, and to some extent always, our effort has an element of struggle in it. We struggle to sit still. We struggle to sit up straight. We struggle to keep our mind here. We struggle not to get swept away by our habitual thinking, our habitual way of appraising situations and reacting. But we should be careful, and maybe in the beginning that's fine. But we should be careful to appreciate that actually our effort, what's asked of us is to come up with a full range and ways to make our effort.

[13:19]

The effort required to be with two small children is different from the effort required to sit Zazen. And in some ways it's exactly the same. But it asks us to look at it and discover in the ways it's the same and the way it's different. Sometimes when we practice We should be strong. We should discipline ourselves. We should make our effort. And sometimes we should do the opposite. Sometimes we should just utterly accept what's happening. And these are like the polarizations. Zen say, we say grasping and granting. So one of the things I was asking myself for Tassajara was, what does this situation ask?

[14:28]

What is the effort of this situation? What is the style of it? Should I be disciplined? Should I be granting? Should I just stand here and bullshit with this person? Just hang out? Should I walk away quietly and go to the library and take this 10 minutes and use it to study. When we're willing to look at what effort is in this way, it's very helpful because from that initial struggle, we can set up sort of plastic, mechanical approach to what our effort ought to be. I ought to be good. I ought to confront and take on the struggle of Zen. An iron rail 10,000 miles long.

[15:33]

But this can get boring. This can become tedious. We can become dull if we let ourselves think that effort is always effort, is always the same thing, always has the same approach. When we ask what is the effort of this moment, then right away we're drawn into some inquiry. Awareness comes up as a natural consequence. Engagement comes up. And that inquiry and engagement, it brings up some enthusiasm. It brings up some interest. It makes what's going on a lively question rather than just something I ought to ask because I'm trying to be good.

[16:36]

So this is the nature of effort as I was thinking about it in Zen practice. only don't know. We don't know what the effort is required in the next minute. So we enter the situation and explore with beginner's mind. So these two factors, this And you can see how this style of discovering our effort, of creating enthusiasm, is directly linked to our confidence and trust in what proposes, what comes up, what proposals we put forward as Buddhist practice, what one we're looking at at that moment.

[17:42]

And as I said, naturally give rise to connection. And that connection brings us in touch with the basic teachings of Buddhism. It brings us in touch with this moment. In some ways being connected to what's happening is the touchstone of our practice, the basis from which we verify all the proposals, all the wonderful things we've heard. And as we discover how to sustain awareness, we discover that things change, we discover that there is a certain quality in our existence that isn't completely satisfying.

[18:59]

We discover what we're calling reality, how it works and how it doesn't work. And this is our introduction to wisdom. Maybe in early Buddhism we'd call it insight, and in later Buddhism we'd call it prajnaparamita, but they're not so different. In one sense, insight can be considered elucidating the particulars of momentary consciousness. that this being changes from moment to moment. And Prajnaparamita, as Suzuki Roshi describes Prajnaparamita as willingness and readiness to respond.

[20:04]

This is beginner's mind, a willingness and readiness to be in this situation, and the next situation when it arises. So looking at these factors gives us some way to poke at our experience. You know, I've heard it said that Eskimos have 32 words for snow and It's the same snow that we have when we have it. But with 32 words, you have 32 options. With one word, it's a little harder. So this is one thing that taking one word called practice and breaking it into five, you know, and we could take awareness

[21:17]

and break that into four, the four mindfulnesses. So taking these words is a way to encourage us to look at and discover the energy of our practice, the dynamic of our practice, to stop us from just Assuming what it is, assuming how to do it and how to go along with it. Excuse me, I'm not too sure how long I should talk, so I'll just say a little bit more. But within Zen in particular, this both begins and culminates in wisdom, prajnaparamita. I mean, in our practice, everything comes out of wisdom.

[22:21]

Awareness comes out of wisdom, concentration comes out of wisdom, our trust comes out of wisdom, and our effort comes out of wisdom. This can be said for all the factors. I mean, we could say that everything comes out of confidence and trust or everything comes out of awareness. I think in particular when we emphasize wisdom. And when we emphasize sitting in zazen, just sitting is a manifestation of this state of being or an introduction to this state of being. A way to introduce us to what it is to be fully alive and then to carry that out into our world. So that's all I'd like to say and I would be interested to hear your comments or if you have any questions.

[23:35]

There's a reason for thinking a lot about faith. I wonder where that comes in. Is that included in the first factor? I didn't use the word faith, but that's the common translation. Some people react to it, like I used to. While I was away in Japan, the group would be raided on several occasions. I have more faith, and I really have to stop and think about what does this mean. I think that's kind of my weaknesses, and it's like something I have to really pay attention to.

[24:58]

So it just makes me think that in all these factors, maybe different people have different strengths. And they're stronger in one area than in another. So you have to know what to pay attention to. Yeah, I purposely didn't use the word faith because I think our common usage of the word faith is have faith in something, which sort of seems to move away from engagement to objectifying. And also for us, as most of us coming from a Christian background, it conjures up a different way of relating.

[26:02]

Whereas I think in Buddhism, it's trust sort of conjures up a different sense. When you trust in something, you're becoming close to it. Whereas you can trust it, you can have faith in something and keep a distance. You can have faith in Buddhism and still stay safely outside of its influence. I think Zazen is great, but it doesn't mean you're going to do it. I think Buddhism is saying, you know, get a little closer to it. You know, just have a little bit of trust and check it out. You know, go and do it. See what happens. So Buddhism has a vast array of proposals, right?

[27:17]

I mean, Shakyamuni Buddha, his first sermon, he said, life has a certain unsatisfactory quality, right? In the bathroom it says, only don't know. I mean, I assume someone put that there because they thought that was kind of neat. That was a neat thing to say. So what do you do with that? Do you trust it? Are you inspired by it? Do you have any confidence in it? Do you have any confidence in someone telling you that life is suffering? Do you have any confidence in someone saying Zazen is a manifestation of the total working of all beings? Or maybe you have more confidence in something that's much more tangible. If someone says, if you just spend your life waiting for things to be perfect, it's never going to happen.

[28:20]

You know, you might hear that and, no, I didn't think. Yeah, right. I can get that. I can connect to that. What can you connect to? Well, you're part of it, right? I mean, that's what we're exploring, ourself, in the midst of everything. I have a lot of dissatisfaction with the current So I was interested in your remarks about learning this question. And then I had to have a bit of difficulty trying to figure out which of the questions might be said to come from what came up most probably.

[29:32]

I would say, you know, in Buddhism we say question and response come up together. We use a question as a way to get into the situation. What is going on? So you can question your effort. You can question your understanding. I don't know if you remember, but there was a Korean teacher, Samuelsson, not Samuelsson, Master Kusan. And he came to Tassajara about eight years ago. And his style was to walk up to you and ask you a question. And then we were totally unused to that style. And it was amazing. He'd walk up to you and say, with what mind do you do that? And my only reaction was to go totally blank. Everything. went totally blank. And it actually took me about two years to digest that.

[30:43]

And I went through this thing where I would think, well, our practice is nothing special. And so his question is redundant. Just nothing special. And then I think, well, he's just You know, on this thing, you know, it's slightly aggressive trying to do something. And then after a while I thought, you know, to say with what mind do you do that is the most non-judgmental question you could ask anyone. You could say, with concentrated mind, with scattered mind, with angry mind, with kind mind, with generous mind. You could say absolutely anything. And it goes back to what you say. Is there some reliance on the self? So that question looks for some ingredient of the self.

[31:45]

With what mind do you do it? So I would say maybe that question is looking to promote awareness or wisdom. But I think you can question your effort too. That's what I was playing with when I was at Tassajara. What is the effort of this situation? Sort of looking at your effort and if your effort saps your energy, creates some kind of lowering of engagement or something like that. You can take that as a signal. What is the effort? Maybe you should try harder. Maybe you should switch from trying to sort of push your way through to just saying, what is here? What is happening?

[32:46]

And try to accept what's arising. It's very radical, because one manifestation of a dissatisfaction can be a, why am I doing wrong? That in itself is a stiffness, is a way of being stuck in not being able to back up on the, what shows itself in a way as a candidate just in itself. Right? Right. I think that's what we mean when we say we practice from enlightenment. I mean, so that when what am I doing wrong comes up, that's our guide. That's a piece of information to guide us in our practice. That shows us the next step.

[33:51]

If we accept it, right? If we get stuck in that, if we stop right there, then it can promote our struggle. But hopefully, if we struggle long enough, we notice that we're struggling. And when we get marred down by struggling, Well, we can get marred down by struggling and then shoot off into some sort of indulgence. I mean, that would be commonly what we do with our lives. This situation would be terrible and then we'd go off to take care of ourselves or have a good time or to just do something totally different. I think our practice is trying to, say, sustain some thread. you're always you, you're always in the midst of your environment.

[34:57]

And not to bounce from extremes, you know, from being super disciplined to being super wild or indulgent or whatever, but to sort of try to keep some balance that lets everything stay. have close, that everything can inform us as to what we are and what is happening. Well, in this connection, I have difficulty practicing with choice. When the ear ends up But as soon as we leave, there are many choices. And there are choices of what to eat, what activity to take on, and, you know, I can say how to gratify ourselves or not, but there's just choice after choice.

[36:08]

And I find it difficult, the choices are a difficult occasion that tells me something. Even the process of going over arguments for one choice or another seems to hide the real nature of what's going on in some way. I can't describe it. Do you have some words on that? Well, you know, one part of our practice is we sort of pick something up and look at it a thousand times, you know, so we do it and we do it and hopefully, as we do it and we look at it, we see it more closely. What is choice, you know? We only have choice to the degree to which we're present noticing what's happening and noticing the decision-making process.

[37:20]

When we operate from habit either blindly or just sort of through its momentum there's not so much choice. So it's kind of the same question is there as in there in Zazen is how do you You know, how do you connect to this? And what is the effort that brings up consciousness, awareness, and comes from the wisdom of your practice? The same questions are there. And at the same time, there is no perfect solution. We don't know. We just, we take the next step. And without that attitude, Then if we knew completely what the answer was, that would give us permission to sort of close the time. I got it, I'm finished.

[38:22]

That's part of our existence, isn't it? We're never finished. Suzuki Roshi said that's the hard part of our practice. We don't sort of get there and it's all over. each moment. But it's also the joy of our practice. It's also the treasure store, as Dogen calls it. I mean, out of that engagement, we discover what it is to be alive. And then the engagement becomes vitalizing. And it's intriguing to look at ourselves and see, you know, am I settling into struggle or am I vitalizing? Do I make my practice more encouraging, more inspiring?

[39:39]

Or do I define it in a way that I need to escape from? I know at one point for myself I'd become very intrigued when I'd sit such scenes and try to watch when the idea would come up to, like on a break or something, to get away from it, to time off or whatever. What is that notion? Time off from what? Time away from what? A break from what? And if our definition of practice is too tight, if it's too unrealistic, we won't be able to stay there. We won't be able to stay within that confine. Just quite naturally, our own existence will need a break from it.

[40:43]

You know, we'll have to go out and get drunk or whatever we need to do to, you know, or read, do whatever we need to do to have time off. So it's an intriguing way to think, you know. How do you conjure up Prajnaparamita that has no specific precondition. It's just readiness and willingness. It really is an intriguing question. It's time. Okay. It's time. Kings are numberless.

[41:46]

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