Let us pray. O Lord, we pray you restore your people within and without, that inasmuch as it is not your will that they should be held back by the things of the body, you may make them to be strong in the intent of the Spirit, so nourishing us upon the things that pass, that you cause us to cleave rather to the things that abide through Christ our Lord. Amen. We have spoken this morning, dear brethren, about the divine agape. This is charity, that God has loved us first, not that we have loved God first, that God has loved us first and has sent his son to be a proputiation for our sins. I think in every retreat, and especially one takes as we do the broader idea of the contemplative life as a kind of a guiding principle.

[01:07]

We should indeed start and constantly remind ourselves and try to penetrate into the cogitationes cordis. They are generationen generationem into the thoughts of the heart of God from generation to generation. that he may snatch our souls out of the hands of death and that he may give us nourishment in our hunger. So to enter into the thoughts of the heart of God, that is also the purpose of these two conferences, one on the divine agape, as it is in itself and denied on the agape as it is received by us. If we go through, you all are familiar with that, it's nothing new to you.

[02:14]

If we go through Holy Scripture, then you will find, you know, there the divine, the pattern of the divine agape working working everywhere. Take, for example, yesterday's lesson at Matins and today's lesson. We have the same lessons, don't we? I mean, today's Lamech and all his wives, two wives, you know. Did you have those? You don't? The whole point is lost on you. I can pack my things and go. And give up in disgust. Why do you have different lessons? Yesterday we had Cain and Abel. Not... Oh, you had a feast. All the lessons are different.

[03:15]

Oh, no. But I mean you are reading Genesis anyhow now, isn't it? It's in the air, you know. And there you have the two cane, you know, the go-getter, you know, who then stumbles over the thought, you know, of perhaps offering a sacrifice. And Abel, the younger one, you know, and the weaker one, and the shepherd, that means the dreamer, you see, is the man who blows the pipe. And Cain is the one who hustles and bustles, you see. And those two... And Cain may probably, the Jewish interpreters always say, he wasn't too generous with his gift.

[04:18]

Anyhow, the idea came to him. And, of course, if he were right, as the Jews always say, the older one has the right to offer the sacrifice, and the younger has to join in, has to follow him, to join him in the offering of the sacrifice. And the fact that Abel doesn't do it and offers a sacrifice all by himself, although he was the younger one, would be against, you know, really, the law. There must be something wrong with Cain's sacrifice. And there is the difference, you know, between the two types. Of course, St. Augustine already found that out in the Civita today. that Cain belonged to one city and Abel to the other. And that Cain city went happily along, you know, to Balkain, the man who plays the guitar, I think, and then with others, you know, who are the silversmith and goldsmith and all kinds of things, you know, to do.

[05:30]

And they built the first city. It's all in the line, the same line. The pattern of thought is clear. And then one of the flowers of this illustrious generation is Lamech, who then proceeded to take two wives, and then bragging before the two wives. Yes, Cain was avenged sevenfold, but Lamech, of course, seven times sevenfold, or seventy times seven. So the word that our Lord later on took up in order to change vengeance into mercy. So we see there, that's one line of thought, and Abel is the other, the weak one, the younger one, and that line is followed. I mean, you know Ismael and Isaac, and then later on... Esau and Jacob and all through the younger brother and the topic and pattern of the younger brother is one of these manifestations of the divine agape.

[06:45]

And then the barren one that is beyond the age of bringing forth children and through the grace of God, the mercy of God, the divine agape, like Anna or like Rachel and so on. So we have then there's the other one, and the poor one will be the object of God's care, and the rich ones will be thrown from their thrones. So there is this pattern all through Holy Scripture. Naturally, it all culminates always in the one of whom St. John the Baptist says, you know, that he comes after me. And St. John the Baptist, let us say for that matter, the older one, our Lord, the younger one who comes after me, and he is the one who is before me.

[07:50]

So there it culminates in Christ as the, let us say, the younger brother in comparison to Israel, God's firstborn son. And he, the new Israel, the younger brother, who then, and that is the other element and the important element I wanted maybe to touch upon tonight, and that is that The younger one, too, so often is led, really, into the deep crisis, into the point, now we call it the zero point. As Adam, poor Adam, after he had go through the whole animal world, you know, found himself alone, and a deep sleep fell upon him. And that was the moment in which then his companion was fashioned out of his side, or how one stands to translate it.

[09:00]

And then we find the same thing later. We find it in Jacob, poor Jacob, who gets in trouble with Esau, his older brother. And there was something, you see, not... St. Augustine says, but some modern exeges don't believe St. Augustine. So there were some, let us say, dealings, you know, which were not quite all right, and Jacob suffered from them, and he had to leave his father's house, and he comes to this place, the place, the place, Macomb. Desolate place, evidently. And there he lies down. Outside his home, the circle, the protecting circle of his home and his family. An exile.

[10:02]

And there puts his head on the stone. And then sleeps. And then a new world opens up. And he sees the ladder going up vertically in the horizontal, in a desert place. It's hopeless to look around. It's nothing. But there comes the ladder from above and is put right next to him firmly on the ground. And on the upper side, The end of the ladder, there is God visible. And between the two angels descending and ascending. And that is for Jacob. That is there in the dream, which is, I mean, the sleepiness.

[11:05]

Desolation, there is then suddenly a new vision. He is not alone. He is in communion, in living communion, contact with God. And then later on there are many other examples. There is David every time. Now I'm not so sure again, you know. We say before Vigil Psalm 3, that is, I think, the common custom of serving the rule. Psalms 3, well, you know, where we too, we have that, you know, multi-sund, quam multi-pictati-sund, qui, those who are against me, my enemies, you know, multi-multi, the hoi poloi, you know, see, but out of there and then, David, you know, in this, in this, uh,

[12:11]

A situation may be a reflection of his flight from Jerusalem when he had to leave his city. And then he sleeps and he rises again. And the sleep is for him the turning point. He rises again and the world has changed the next morning. and he gets again the upper hand, and it ends in victory and in a blessing for all the people. It's so beautiful that we say this psalm every morning, because there might be sometimes a zero point in our life, you know. And there, ego dormivi et separatusum, et exorexi. So is the resurrection.

[13:13]

And so in many other, of course, culminating then in our Lord Jesus Christ, in his own death and in his resurrection. So to understand it, to enter into the realm of the divine agape, to receive it, and in that way to be filled and animated by it, we have to go and everyone through this zero point. We see that so clearly in St. Peter. In St. Peter, who was, by nature, you know, was a man of a real, now how could I say, I hate to say, go get her, because that he wasn't, you know. He wasn't, but he had this curly hair, and that indicated a strong temperament, let us say.

[14:16]

A leader, the born leader, the one who is always there with the first word, the first reaction and the advice, and knows what to do. And, of course, he had a golden heart, you know, deeply attached to the Lord, but he was very eager, there's no doubt about it, and it's interesting to point that out, you know, and to consider it, that St. Peter, the head of the church. In the seminary, I was always told to you about our seminarians down there years ago, and where is it, you know, Archdiocese of Newark there, Darlington, Darlington, very nice place, the first place where we went when we landed here in the United States, and we taught there three years, happy years, you know, wonderful years, and teaching those fellows there from Jersey City, God's country in God's city.

[15:23]

So eager, you know, and promising for the future. And they always told us when they heard that we were Benedictines, that there we can't belong to the first order, and that was the order that was founded by St. Peter, you see. And so just in order to think, you know, about a little answer, I got them interested in the figure of St. Peter. And of course also the Germans always liked St. Peter, you know, very much, because he drew the sword. He was the one apostle who knew how to handle a sword, you know, and therefore the old Saxons there in the north of Germany, one church in honor of St. Peter next to the other. They don't say, well, you must read the Heliant, you know, as the first Germanic poem about Christ, you know, where St.

[16:27]

Peter is the feudal, let us say, feudal vassal, you know, of the Lord, who is the feudal Lord, you know, of course, and he is the vassal, and he draws the sword, and he gives a tremendous, impressive, you know, account of how all the others, you know, get... terribly frightened, you know, and St. Peter just was cutting off heads right and left, you know, and so on. It was a bloodbath, you know. They didn't mention that he just got the little thing of the lobe of an ear, you know, which is nothing to, let us say, to determine and to bring about a turn in a battle, you know. But so, dear St. Peter, therefore, this golden-hearted man, but in the, certainly, with the idea that he wanted to follow the Messiah, and the Messiah simply is, for that matter, a royal figure.

[17:38]

He is the leader of Israel, and he is the one who establishes Israel here, on earth, you know, and takes care of the needs of Israel, you know, the wine and the bread and all those things that is in rabbinic tradition all the way through. And so St. Peter followed him and certainly followed him with great hopes. He would be it, so to speak. And then, of course, came one disappointment after the other. And our Lord did things that St. Peter didn't agree with. He was in... I don't think he understood really the Lord fully when the Lord first manifested his power to him when they were catching the fish on the lake.

[18:39]

And then suddenly he realizes that, you know, that... The fish just run into his net, and that must be the Lord, you know, but then told him, Go away from me, O Lord, because I am a sinful man. Maybe he didn't. Already they are not quite understand what it was all about. in the incarnation that our Lord had come to be another kind of Messiah, the one that keeps company with the sinners who has taken on the likeness of the flesh of sin. And he, after all, went already down there to St. John the Baptist, where he was baptizing at the river Jordan, where all the world, all the sinners, was a public manifestation of repentance.

[19:45]

And our Lord joined them all to go down. and to be baptized like all the others already by that, indicating what kind of messiahs he would really be. But we know from our experience how long it takes for man really to understand something that is completely against the accustomed way of thinking. And so here, too. But then later on we realized that, we know it, that St. Peter was all there, one can say, on Mount Tabor. All there, I say, maybe not quite all there. Because he said, oh, let us build here. But, you know, this is the kingdom. Here is the Messiah's. not knowing what he said, as Holy Scripture says there again so beautifully.

[20:50]

But then when it came, when it came to go up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man must go up to Jerusalem, and there he will be spit upon, and he will be killed. That was... That, Saint Peter thought what the Lord should definitely not do, because it really would be the end of his career, so to speak. And therefore said, never go up to Jerusalem. Go behind me, Satan. Get out of my way, Satan, was the answer of the Lord. And we know, because... The thoughts that he was thinking, St. Peter was thinking, are not the thoughts of God. They were not the cogitationes codis divini, the thoughts of the divine heart.

[21:57]

But they were thoughts of men and of fallen men, and they moved in the line of power. What a tremendous for us at this moment and for this nation, what a tremendous decision it is in what a situation we are. Just the other day, we had a visit at our monastery of a scholar, Confucian scholar from Vietnam. And he explained, tried to explain to us the situation there and the feeling of the people and the strong, strong, strong opposition against the use of arms, which to us is the only way in which we can do something or without which any kind of material help he would give would probably be lost, at least that are our calculations.

[23:04]

Are these the thoughts of man or are these the thoughts of God? And what kind of role should the thoughts of God play in human politics? What a tremendous question that is. And so we can fully understand St. Peter at this moment because in reality we are in the same position. Our... Planes, you know, go now by the hundreds, you know, and they go over Hanoi and bombard the cities there and the people die. And, of course, the reaction on the part of these Vietnames don't want to be helped that way, that's for sure. Yes, of course, it's just frightening. It's just terrific, you see. What do we do? Are we then somewhere, are we involved in some guilt or what is it? So it leaves those things, leave us in tremendous inner perplexity if we think about the whole of the nation, if we think about the years that are approaching.

[24:19]

So St. Peter, of course, was thinking, you see, and was the dilemma in which he was. So then the Lord went up to Jerusalem, and St. Peter followed him, and I'm sure he followed him because he loved him, but also, I think, because he thought, if I don't go with him, It will really come to a catastrophe. I have to do what I can to prevent the worst. And the worst, you know, would be, of course, that he would be killed. And so he follows our Lord up to Jerusalem. And then they come and the Lord celebrates his last supper. And he, as St.

[25:22]

John describes that so beautifully, and again every little feature just full, you know, of spiritual meaning, he rises, takes up his upper garment, the upper garment for every human being down there in the Orient, that is his dignity, that gives him his public standing. That is the sign of his status in society. Takes it off. Puts on an apron like a slave. And then kneels down before St. Peter. And St. Peter says, Lord, you should not do this. You are the Lord. You throw away your dignity. Our Lord says, if I don't wash your feet, you have no part in me.

[26:25]

Oh, then everything, not only the feet, you see, just from top to bottom, you see, he wanted to be washed, you know, to be completely the Lord's, you know. Again, didn't quite understand the point, you know, see. The Lord wanted to get at his feet, the feet of God, Oh, yentles, you know, walking through not, you know, our macadam roads aren't dirty, really. And so that is what he wanted, you know. So then later on, he allows him to wash his feet, you know. That is, again, there's the divine agape. Don't wash your feet. You will not be clean. And then later on, you know, then comes the manifestation that the Lord will leave, you know, and that at this moment they cannot go with him.

[27:35]

And St. Peter said, I want to go right away, you see, right away with you. Now wait a moment. You can't do it now. It's always that same inner impetus, you know, that we know so well from our own experience constantly. And then later on they go and they pass over the Kidron River, you see, that brook down there through the valley to the other side. Out of the city, the other side, where Olivet is, where the garden is. Hence then, again, the flesh was weak, you know, the spirit willing, but the grace was weak. And then comes the moment of the arrest, you know, and there is then this whole scene, you know, where St.

[28:37]

Peter, you know, he was, had prepared, you know, the, The swords, you know, too rusty swords. He hadn't used it for a long time, I'm sure. The Lord said, put it away in the end. But he used it, and he got then this poor servant of one of the high priests, you know, no significant figure. He didn't really, you know, hit him too well, let us say. And... Because the joy was not the hour for the legions, you know, was not the hour for the sword. This was the hour where the Lord delivered himself into the hands of the powers of darkness. And, of course, who could understand really? St. Peter did not understand. Do we understand it?

[29:38]

And then again, however, St. Peter keeps, with the help of St. John, close. He still wants somehow to have the situation somehow under control. He does not know how. But then, of course, all this, once he comes there into the court of the high priest in this cold winter night and how cold it can be in Jerusalem. And there tries to warm himself, and then there comes that girl from Galilee, and she recognizes the dialect, and she asks him, do you know this man? And the whole, you know, this whole, as it happens so often, especially in the life of men, you know, the whole edifice, imposing edifice of courage, you know, crashes to the ground, you know, comes crashing down.

[30:52]

He didn't dare, you know, he didn't face it. And of course it's true he didn't know this Jesus who was there as a prisoner and as accused, as a criminal, And we were deprived of all his, any of his, of his dignity, so to speak. And then at that moment, then the Lord turns around. That is again so. He turns around. It's that... turning that again goes through the whole of Holy Scripture, and so often that the heart of God turns, and he turns around and looks at St. Peter, and certainly not with the eyes of condemnation of the judge, but with the eyes of the friend who asked, do you now understand?

[31:57]

And St. Peter goes, and he wept bitterly. And that is the Pascha, the Pascha for St. Peter. There is the point, you know. He is really now, and tears are always, you brethren, we know it, they are always the expression of our, we are at the end, you know, either in the excess of ecstasy, of joy, or in in that of sorrow. And the tears in that way are the natural baptism of man who is at the end, at the zero point. And there he enters into the baptism. There he enters then into the new world. And that was St. Peter's real conversion. From then on, you know, he began to understand what this all was about.

[33:05]

Do you love me, Peter? You know that I love you. That was not an enthusiastic and kind of bragging affirmation, but that was a humble putting his faith in his heart, completely into the hands of the Lord. You know that I love you. In our Lord's knowledge of him, creative knowledge of him, his love was assured, a real act of faith, you know, that act which bridges the abyss. of our nothingness, there where we are dust and ashes, and leads on the other side of the Jordan into the promised land, into the land of the resurrection. And that is what then happened, that in the end, you know, he received that prophecy that another one will come and he will gird you.

[34:16]

and he will lead you where you don't want to go. That is the breaking in, as it were, and the taking over of the divine agape in his life, in St. Peter's life. And we know how he then was crucified upside down, you know, the head down, the feet up, a real conversion. and entered into that close and absolute, you know, conformity to our Lord. So there, that is then the foundation stone of the church. That is the one who founded then this famous order, which these little seminarians pretended to be novices. So I hope that by now every one of them has passed, you know, through a zero point, you know, and is entering into the promised land, the same as we also hope and pray for ourselves that we pass.

[35:27]

And of course, God is good, and he leads every single monk who makes his profession, not, you know, on the... on what all the things that he can do and plans, but who makes his profession on, let us say, his zero point and gives it. You know, O Lord, you know that I love you. That is really the meaning of our profession. Only in that inner attitude we can dare to make a vow. How else could we do it? But then, of course, the vow is one thing and the reality is another thing. And the monastic life is designed to lead us to the zero point and to lead us into the valley of tears, that in that way, then, we may be free. That is the... If the monastic life, we said the other day,

[36:32]

One aspect of it certainly is that it is systematically is the scola cordis, the school of the heart. St. Peter went through this, exactly this school of the heart, in the company of our Lord Jesus Christ. And that is also, that is the monastery. And there we go, and we go through many disappointments. and we have to give up, you know, many ideas and ideals. Sometimes, as St. Benedict says, there are ways which seem to be good to man, and still their end, you know, may be in hell. So, therefore, following the lead of divine agape, well, another one will gird us. I think that's the reason why The monk have these girdles, belts, not only to keep the scapula in line, you know, but for somebody else to take us and to lead us where we don't want to go.

[37:47]

And that will be, that certainly will be our fate. But then if it comes to that and we are and find us, At this zero point, then also let us remember, and let us remember the last sentence of today's epistle, where St. Paul describes his zero point, that he had this thorn left in his side and in his flesh. And then he was asking, Lord, take it away from me. And the Lord leaves it. There was the zero point. And he says, Virtus in infirmitate perficitu. Power is completed in infirmity.

[38:51]

And therefore, I glory in my infirmities. We thank you, O Father Almighty, who prepared for us the Holy Church, who are a haven of rest and temple of holiness, in which the blessed Trinity is glorified. We thank you, Christ, the King, who has bestowed upon us life by your life-giving body and your holy blood, grant forgiveness and great mercy. We thank you, O true Spirit, who has renewed the Holy Church. Keep us spotless by faith in the Trinity, henceforth and forever. Excuse me.

[39:32]

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