Joshu's Wash Your Bowl

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nancy do the morning
can everyone hear me
flu the a couple of talking talking it's very sunny outside
half of your sound effect you're saying okay
i thank you again the introduction
well first things first was for this happening at softball i was playing right center thursday morning and my pleasant hill team
how in lesser this guy really love dearly anything ron carlock
ah shock is it between us and a gap
i call for my full tilt rod is calling for frank hotel neither one of us here the other i don't wear my hearing aids
i don't like to start because you know our figures or drops and this thousands of dollars plus it would delay the game and in any way we smashed
can use his fun
horn this later that it was actually a very sweet experience
custom i felt so chairs for other guys yeah was knocked out and my users and grass and all these faces out revenge you're all right don't make a wrong
we can emergency room and guest to tend to me at the emergency room doctor hurt
the your pants
here they are and to say their hurts to this because now i can do my
champagne much i
people have a certain age of jacket
anyway
a vindication of will
no
here it was ruled done online or weapon and a game was called himself and so today it's a lovely day and
great to see him by here and
i had rocky balboa
just a few minutes ago at ross's incisions place now celebrate with jack waiting casper very soothing to me anyway
the case that surgeon roshi has given me his practice period
to of work on to set with his joshua's washer bowl and its case seven from the moment com case thirty nine and the book of serenity i remember he said go see it in both of these well i read the book of humanity version
the verse vs okay but the commentary assets southern russia you mind if i just used the moment com have you have to
look at the book of saturn and assuming the women conversion is much more plain spoken so more my style and are in the case shortly after some introductory remarks in a couple of weeks from now when i get my second time i'll speak on milan's commentary and verse or read those today i'm monica
talk on the main case today so a bit about joshi first in chinese joshua
and i always find it confusing on the speakers go from the japanese the chinese and very fluid and pretty soon i have no idea who were talking about so i'm going to stick to the japanese version chashu and the same thing for terms charm san i'll stick to then with a few exceptions you shall see get to them
of necessity i'm going to be using cicadas translation of the moon can't even though it's not my favorite but that's go on about that translated english lumen khan is the game escape where the game plus barrier it was written in china and twelve twenty eight by the
monk mama
he put together some forty eight cons and included his own comment and verse for each one
khan is japanese for the chinese come on public records
in his preface to the moment kind
mama says the great way is gave us approached in a thousand ways once pass this checkpoint you stride through the universe
really love it
a few words about joshi joshua has become very near and dear to my heart sometimes i think of him as just joe
the idea leia
this guess there's and go up and air scheme of that
i really am grown fond of jesu he was born in seven seventy eight in the countryside north china fairly poor background became a monk at early ages was commonly the case facts and at eighteen he met master none
zen and entering
master nonsense room he found him lying down and the dialogue allegedly went like this the master s where have you come from joshi reply from zero in the master said well then did you see the staff
image of the buddha their show she replied i don't see a standing buddha i see a reclining to to takata
master asked are you a novice with a master or novice without a master
chaussure replied an office with a master the master said where is your master judge replied in spite of intense cold early spring i dare say your honorable bodies enjoying good health
some call the head monk of the temple and said give us snows a special seat
in amongst whole is another very famous county wants food is that a team so figure that's surely precocious
famous dialogue between johnson and joshua
which precipitated shoes enlightenment experience is this jesu as nonsense what is the way
she replied ordinary mind is the way shows you as shall i try to seek after it now replied if you try for you will be separated from it
joshua us how can i know that way unless i try for it that's a replied the way is not a matter of knowing or not knowing knowing his delusion not knowing his confusion when you have really reached the freeway beyond doubt you will find it as vast and boundless is how
space how can it be talked about on the level of right or wrong with this joshua had sudden realization and i hardly scientists because it growth is going to be reflected in some the words essay layer
indirectly it comes through
so joshua had dharma transmission with nonsense soon after he remained at nonsense temple until not died at the time joshi was fifty sep in practice at nonsense several all that that's many years maintain fifty seven she's spent three years morning is faster and after that
i decided to take a pilgrimage throughout much of china carrying just standing water jacket and staff today i think of my water bottle and my trekking pole
he was willing to learn he said for the youngest child to the oldest person didn't met at age eighty he decided to settle down on his own place
and he became resident priest as kennedy in a rundown temple and china there are only a few months there they have very thing or food is said that the
and wall in front wall the of the zendo was dilapidated and very area this is a northern china so very cold when joe shoes chair broke the months want to replace it with a new chair
he said now well how about a new chair like know a tie to piece of burned wood and ember from the fire and wrapped it around stuck it and tied it onto his chair so this is fine he wouldn't allow anyone to he wouldn't allow the lay community to give support he would allow his monks to go up and begged for support
now is set up at the or eight ninety seven he was one hundred and twenty years old he passed away after assuming the full lotus physician
thousands of monks and lay people gathered to mourn him he had thirteen dharma hairs but his lineage soon died out
fortunately there was one follower who wrote down joshi lectures and dialogues for us
unlike his predecessors and combat contemporaries of time he did he wasn't of the shouting school and of these the hitting with a stick school is very plain spoken very straightforward he was noted even at his time for subset succinct things he was a legend in his own time that the
i guess at one twenty you can volley reach that point he said that his lips emitted light
and when i first day that i flashed i'm sorry i'm katy perry in her song now the light streaming am got for the young folks here katie couric anyway
joshua appears in the moment i actually five times which is up there for and the bloop cliff rapid twelve times and of course in the book serenity he's perhaps most famous for move his answer his response to does a dog have buddha nature
i want to give you a little flavor of jesu five short dialogues a monk asked yoshio what is myself judge replied well you see the oak tree in front of the garden
the monk had understand
i'm like as to dragons are fighting for a pearl which dragon gets it joe she replied i'm used to watching t a monk ass master what is the state of no thought joshua said speak quickly speak quickly
the master said or nasser a monk asked the master why do you sweeping gym she replied just comes in from the outside
the not reply master this is a pure temple why then is their guest judge replied there's some more
then five one of my favorites
a tax collector came and payers respects to master joshua said master just you please say a word or two about the essence of the buddhist tradition joshua
responded today i have no money to give you
the
now from my god
i've done and
i got by woman can
somewhere ship them and fifty so i will stay the case
and that's all right you know because i know the case and i told you i'm going to talk about the
the commentary in the verse next time just
this is called making do but that is free if you know me this is good time to practice
as a
so the case is this
a monk
enter the temple
and said to master jesu
master what is your teaching i would like to learn something joshua reply have you eaten your rice porridge in the mom replied well yes i have
and then joshua replied then go wash your ball
that's the case
now
the literal meaning is fairly ride out there you know maybe monks coming in and joe she's concerned and valuing i have you had your breakfast you know where the keys to your apartment you know as a bathroom is that sort of thing we're okay we'll have you washed your bone yeah often will go go washable
oil
and i will say that i heard a norman fischer lecture some time ago it was magnificent on a literal translation notes from their interpretation
i'm more traditionally and i will spend much time in this is you know have you eat your rice porridge well that's from the interpreters have you had some realization you have some understanding of what the ancestors have given us well yes well then joshi saying to them will never forget about that and go onto the next
sec
but for me in here with his car i wanted to have my own response and i wanted to reach point of i felt joshua speaking to me and i have to say what when mostly first gave me because i said yes i think me because i like to wash dishes i do
about the homeland and here i was like get sushi my dishwasher or back i was glad i didn't quite know why except for the dishwashing connection was curious about the meaning of the word wash yeah so i looked up the various stationers etymology is from the new was meeting
water which i really resonate to i'm an aquarius waterson and and not that i'm into it but waters from seattle
a lot of as a real significance for me and my life
soap not so much so
why a lot of ideas came to he was hiking i mount diablo i'm briefly i'm a volunteer their huh
i am i have my badge and my uniform hat and i among other things give advice to people who are loss i
the realisation that the kids don't have maps but and of cell phone so i say here's my map just take a picture and
i think would cost a feral of which you're trespassing
into our parkland and i report cows and stray from one sector or another i pick up litter anyway you get the idea that's your thing that people are collecting things have say well you know actually park well as we don't collect any when some of the ideas that came to me while hiking or these is the washing ever done there
no thing to wash dying is the final washing berkeley all
the impermanence washes the universe when the rain washes you clean you'll know stealing x from the rumors nineteen seventy four fleetwood mac
i was a lot with stage she's my a gonna wash that man right outta my hair south pacific
the water with which we watch these holes for today's like ambrosia we offer to the various here you satisfy them all over this i saw in
search you can
backpacking pop dusty trail i'm thirsty gurgling create beautiful emerald pool i don't take everything in like coat off like oh guess i just take off my hat hearing aids out plunged my head down and that water is blowing bubbles sing those fish and i emergent i say hey
why i was also reminded of walls stevens thirteen ways to look in a blackbird the blackbird world in the autumn winds it was a small part of the pantomime when the black bird flew out of sight it marked the edge of one of many circles
two of the thirteen
very fond of that i liked birds a blackbirds and i crows ravens i gave my same name surname to myself some time ago raven date clap
yeah it has to give him is to me at some point my colon musings i came to think of my rice porridge as zaza
ah well
did i
did i hit this morning yes i did two girls as as well then i'd better watch my goal but what's that and who is that is doing this washing
i thought of master tosa
and you might see what what brought that i'm going to have a confession here i love masterchef zone and i was hoping i would get something like
whenever i feel like myself but i didn't know that
decide which is
fact i remember standing on a bridge years ago on mono creek some of you know where that is and looking down into the creek rushing water there's a little pool and about this is lovely i'm going to take a picture of as i turn a picture in my frame i saw myself
this shadow with pulling his camera and i saw the water and i felt the breeze through the furs and i i heard a gurgling the roar
and i i saw myself it wasn't the shadow was the shot it was
everything right there
so ever since and masters or zones and with me
and then i began thinking
no particular order having breakfast with a friend yesterday morning talking about very intimate things cradling an injured squirrel still warm and my hands after i had been struck and by the car in front of me and taking to the side and bowing to it as its eyes close or dental
i thought of the anguish tears i brought to some people very close to me by words i've said i thought about riding my bike along the canal trail picking up litter along mount diablo trails yelling expletives like you at the guy in front of you cut me off i thought of telling amy acker
i found your fine and she had fallen from a cliff being three days alone that i would never leave her in our eyes met and we thrive in that helder i thought of drifting to sleep with a giants game still on fire the knife and i don't know the score i thought of putting here in my bike tires
calling for the ball from my position in the outfield has slammed by an unexpected blow
ronnie darkness is sweet grass in my nostrils guys kneeling over me guys saying my name here i keep your eyes open that i couldn't answer
sang to dear friend pat is i scattered her ashes and pacific waves that went into are embracing my dear wife leslie talking to you today
this is it whatever i do
wherever i am i meet myself for doing this myself everything is included nothing is excluded
i really feel that i could end the talk now that i'm not
but that's really all i have to say have any import i think she because this is from here it's not something here but i will talk more sojourn roshe said you know it's one thing dude as as and but also read the superior study and so that's good is something i to come
you rather lightly because setting is not my favorite thing
sin is doing is so are washed your goal to me as a reminder to meet myself off off the cushion just as i tried to make myself on nutrition but how do i feed myself off the efficient by doing one thing thoroughly headed time searching roshi recently said to me in zazen life
meets life
all sufficient life meets life
in zen mind beginner's mind suzuki roshi surgeon or she's teacher says when you bow you should just bow when you eat you should just eat if you do this the universal nature is there is one acts somebody one app concentration and i was so
so with that when i vowed this morning i felt my forehead touch that map
we've all experienced and one time or another is feeling of no separation suspect between ourselves and what we're dealing with maybe a music playing music singing acting fixing something watching film writing playing sports
it's everything
can be everything of course it's easier to be engaged with things were were things we enjoy with things we don't like so much for me maybe painting a wall it because more problem that that needn't be i recall the opening lines of fishing ship name the great way is not difficult for those who have
no preferences
this is long resonated with me the topic of preferences as compelling that i don't have time to go into the app today i would like to clarify something no one thing at a time is holistic not fragments the whole activity so i'm riding a bicycle i'm not talking about just staring just ringing my bell
wow i'm talking about peddling steering braking shifting gears the whole shebang
and a word about the present moment
we can never escape the present moment we may send you do
in our hand we may be somewhere else but still the present moment somebody's this is just sometimes we forget whose i forget who's in front of me i forget what's in front of me
i remember hiking on rocky rich some years ago and being bussed out by the view to the north where lafayette the brand has hills and sunlight
sorry that this
it was a rather this far from my way coil in his tongue was thinking was that and i i knew that if i tried to leap he was going to be anything i tried to do so i first became statue is an asshole slithered away and then i think
yeah i wasn't paying attention
i wasn't vintage i wasn't even in my head with pots of of of you know dreamed that i was just looking into how are usually have more distracted by my own ego created stories a general i pay attention to earth where i'm walking
i'm not talking here about random thoughts which are part of everyday stream of consciousness they found of down referring to self created stories that become rather encrusted in my mind leading me to be reactive and they're usually stimulated charged by me react
into something that's been done to me are said to me and i get the way of seeing things the way they are my stories often take the form a perfectionist mine
not to mushroom sometimes to make mistakes in my hand as sometimes defensive mine protecting my ego keeping jake safe and well regarded in the saga now header we're intervening my trying to control the situation
even though often it's comes from good heart trying to be helpful and still trying to
i put things in place and
if we believe our stories if i believe it and hold onto them my stories can separate me from my experience from what's in front of me from feet in fact now with this separation by much more likely to treat people from things animals everything as objects to redefine it
two separate them from myself to see them other to act without compassion to be react quick story i told this before and one of my way shape or nine tracks i was coming to morning zazen and i think was a thursday yeah so i'm on wrote i live in pleasant hill i'm only about five fifteen years as
truck and from is white van it's kind of weaving drifting over to my life and i'm in the fourth lane of slow slovenes this i'm and get past this guy in the third land as if by this back so just as i'm zipping by he veers right into my honda civic and i worked my doors from god
and in elephant know so i honked my horn nothing i think i'm ok here in each pulling over a decade sanders and his kid gets out euro eurozone's this do do and that was totally my fault
has the ship is doing but i said the sheriff said he's do those i was trying to see where my next or is i'm taking donuts in round and i couldn't remember why supposed to go interesting dude as you know then i jeffrey wright the last wishes in them
polanski everything okay and that well she held i arise it well in advance progressive how is my driving
they said okay okay okay the country is myself he said here's my driver's license so it was exchanges as it lived my door you know as its systems and which so hard that he's a i don't have it is it's a home instead of cancer on as your slideshow as far as need to have changed it is is do
i don't have glacier and scarf and i'm looking at the side of well what company you work for our using he said there's no sign or it i said well have you know
back and zu einem and nine italy know would be laid you're going to fire vs a shitty or leave it i believe it anywhere on can t rama what's your way since never he says to die i don't be far as i him a shit about you i love you not taken on call the cops in anyway
i find my sense of diarrhea and came to me associated j what's was that assist you know again and was in years he had taught him your like is for and so i said i started i started guy i apologize to my angeles have so i really was a metabolize he's an asshole right and i understand
we all about things to do and said
it wasn't like a dog
hey i said actually i'm trying to have some way
why i shouldn't take it and that's i regret writing
so
and that was me if i'm now
so it's the flow of life is stuff yeah it's don't want activity time every season for the directly experiencing what's in front of me i was in my head with my stories that have you know how great i wasn't here are you know i felt offended that's what of us suzuka
hiroshi says and now he's so direct experience will come when you are completely one with your activity when you have no idea of self i was told to sell usually without knowing this point we are involved in judgments here i was judging his kid so we say this is right this is wrong mrs perfect that's not perfect he can
continues if you claim to an idea you create like a scout for an objective reality you will be lost in the objective world that you create with your mind you are creating things one after another there's no end there may be various worlds you are created and to great and see many things is very interesting but you should not be lost in your creation
ins remember that the real used quite different from any information you have about yourself i'm reminded of that bumper sticker don't believe everything you think found was i should have learned my they remind me every time you get in my car was using hiroshi said this is perfect this is awkward that really resonated with me now as an altar boy go
up catholic i was raised to and all the forms i roasted the ranks as an altar boy and one time father cleary is i was serving him the wine the credit he was fishing with his finger and this and he calls me over and go over his father and he said there are hints crawled in the wine
like like you and i was just chagrin and and i spent months trying to that i can what your confession of course and confess that i was just peppermint you know i didn't let it go
not many years ago i was tokyo and you know first time during wednesday well being service and i thought gee my voices coming here whoa whoa would be a licensed and then
as i was walking out people are kind of looking at me think what what i got the door and realized i hadn't recited any of the names and the wealthy
hi by ross so you keep and
so what's it mean you should go in and recite them now and i've kept that with me for weeks just
food every time when i was still on recently i think was a m saturday yeah dining and i'm going on is supposed to be the big belgian and i merrily getting a little girls because i'm in my mind that the new service and people were saying no what's the big bear on know
and then finally idea is this saturday and people were almost going to happy with it and you know that was wonderful and paul was helping me and every way so i mean it was sweet and so that was i there was a sign that and i didn't lose any sleep over is fun
i was very tender here i'm reminded a little bit of uchiyama roshi she's metaphor opening the hand of thought
in which he's referring when we do zazen you know hoping the hand of fuck that applies off the cushion as well whichever way she says when we let go of our conception their conceptions there is no other possible reality than what is right now this undeniable reality is reality of life fundamentally connected to everything in the universe
dwelling here now and it's reality letting go of all the accidental things that arise in our minds is what i mean by opening the and of far
so we're not caught by thoughts were available to meet others where they are to be less reactive to be compassionate
a question for me has been how to cultivate this samadi off the cushions to find stillness within the activity in my responses do one activity through
kind of time what if i become distracted often i tried various things like finding my wrath fifty down here are not up here saying to myself justice j pay attention j really
every minute of master a who called out himself everyday master he answered yes or be wide awake yes sir
don't be deceived by others know i won't because the others are delusions
so
i'd try to be recognized when i am being reactive when i'm trying to defend myself sometimes we are able to to let go of things you know our dear friend of mine just took her life she couldn't let go of her stories of anxiety at dread and it too
her to hanging herself sometimes we need to talk to someone to get advice a trusted friend a dharma teacher sojourn roshi a therapist i've done all these one time or another
returning to my coin struck me that the metaphor i've been using for washer is similar to the metaphor of our mine as a mere our thoughts as dust and trying to wipe the dust from here but that metaphor falls short for me it's not complete something's missing
you know comes from the platform sutra with its in the the part where they
fifth patria
who ran says to the temples of his asthma go and seek for prajna in your own mind and then write me a stanza about it he who understands what the essence of mind is will be given the robe and dharma and i shall make him the sixth patriarch in response shinshu the head monk wrote
our body is the bodhi tree in our mind a mere a bright carefully we wiped them hour by hour and let no dusk alive oh the monks were impressed this is there going to be our next for our next to have it than the six danger but one monk a young man and nobody somebody from this
south considered a he'll be use the barbarians whereas they were concerned and been relegated to shoveling you know the hey out in the farm he knew immediately that shinshu had not realized essence of mine and he composed his stance on the spot residing there is no bodhi tree nor stand of
a mirror bright since all is void where can the dust delight
he was illiterate he couldn't write here another month right for it on their temple law for him and of course is yeah nobody was we know who became sixth patriarch
now we know who wrote the emptiness of form of practice
stanza of course emptiness is there whether it's written about or not
and we know i felt drove the point home that the has head over whatsapp i think that two stanzas compliment running of the relative and absolute form and emptiness as we chat everyday in the heart sutra form is emptiness emptiness is form
sometimes as we immerse ourselves in the relative world really immerse ourselves in the relative world
where we lose sight that everything is empty of own being of internet
need to come back to them as i said before such as we become trapped by the world of form we forget there is no fixed permanent independent self as producing our stories which are empty themselves if own being
and sometimes we become so attached to our stories i become so attached stuck in them are evil because mired in its own stories the point we can't sleep the point we commit suicide the my holds fast to the mirage it's created i'm reminded of pete seeger's phrasing for my own metaphor when he sang
in that anti vietnam saw waist deep in the big money but the big fool said to push on
course the big money for you young ones was vietnam to make for was when it baines johnson but for us it for me the big money says he goes the big for in images so washing my goal is to meet myself where era where where whatever i do wherever i go by doing
thoroughly when activated of time everything is included nothing is excluded nothing this is to directly experience activity no separation activities not perceived as a subject object opposition is a duality when riding my bike i'm just riding my bike in the bikers riding me
just riding riding
in each moment is justice this is doug and zingy says in his ginger call on to carry the self forward and illuminates the myriad dharmas his delusion
that myriad dharmas come forth and eliminate the self is enlightened with
nyishia are in focus on it his commentary and dogan century schedule khan says when we fully experience the myriad dharmas this self rosoff off spontaneously however ordinarily this self and myriad dharmas are seen as subject and object and dualistic views
are employed when having a meal you thorough become a meal for getting yourself in the meal this is to forget yourself there is no self outside of the buddha dharma there is no buddha dharma outside of the south the buddha dharma is no other than the south
friends as has student during practice period during workers is a tradition that the work later assigns the has suited to clean the bathrooms to clean the toilet bowls the washed polls i did so today
jess hill
there's nothing special about it's very ordinary as she's doing the next cent and then asked them
there is much opportunity for me to wash my vote to meet bodhidharma
to meet myself
justice
i think i'll hang with that and you
sojourn russian to defend com

when you have and sleeping dragon that you never know
the
hey
the j is finally stood up after simplicity the
the
he asked thank you joe sr that
the pekka offered his arm to village dharma and even have offered your arm fast
the very much for your job and i wonder have you watched a of money
have you didn't watch me today visited very easily just don't think about it to me

cat
yeah thanks to was sunday only way you're sharing honestly those moments so
is interpretation
destiny with
i particular book fidget and game
and that's why i'm really struggling with of i have a phobia home is fix it and as such a passion for rescue and air let's go into business get the
outside your niche so they can crash when we go to st paul
no wonder if you have anything
just say about have worked at time now find from any but as you can then
we get it
oh thank you for your question because it is a big part of my self creative minds and one thing ives said i say to myself let things fall apart i first heard at hassan since a a and i thought yes check let things fall apart but as walker knows we backpack
in cone paul and others sometimes you don't let things fall apart there's a time to intervene in a time not to and is to a hair's grass deviation and you are out of tune serves to be attuned to that hair hair's breadth deviation to dead and no movies about haven't decided that moment
if your as like it that's right in terms of that ball and intervening in catching the ball run my friend manager talks about afterwards and he said you know just let the dang guy have a treasure
it is better than cracking heads there wasn't time to intervene with that ball
i guess
the here been that long crash heads to minor maybe you might not happen is almost sounds like the elephant near death experience he ran you looked up in our faces looking down here and and you couldn't response it am in the uk my he started almost as a vision quest or if he went on to live in some first
second is are you using get chance in your infection have a near death experiences asia sacrificing the that's where know you're right about that i really there's the impact
i realize there's a set of slash and most of you have wronged next thing i mean snowing at and i broke his fall oh my my way my ear was it was the hanging for and it back on the doctor hurt glued it back on services here
hey it's going to live
does the thing is i had other near death experiences so but every time you each one is different
when is like casts the the just like gonna spit now after went off your hands i
you'd like fun
a yorkshire
here so i'm going to take up this problem
so yeah i think seventy five
san francisco zen
i had had about one year of very fervent quinoa life death fact decipher and yeah and i have his fellowship italy india and get my ph even can and i was taking up like repeatedly the dinner table should i give it all up with just the as instant logistics
and i went over this so many times because i thought i was going to be great stein
if i gave it all of self critical and
after hearing this rival which how many times philip whalen was sitting at the table was gay and he said we've just finished dinner and sit in them
stop your opera
of last year
the
if you know would find it
yes excellent like opera years any
i switch for
well i think you should be operatic whenever you darn well please
ha
but even though that's perfect remember there's a little room for improvement
me too
these are there
and i see the dawn is reminding us it's time to wash your bowl outside one last question walter and i will do a qa afterwards eleven thirty you want to why russia and jacket it's been a pleasure to serve in the border few of these past six years and i like you just
since it relates to all you've been talking about because there's so many difficult things and that we dealt with and all sorts of opportunities for opera and she's like can go check this out of it
well first of all another condition i love being on a board and a lot of people you know but i do so to me it's
he reminds me of teaching all the little things going on and planning and calendars and meetings it's caravan part of the classroom himself
and i really now
feel my bones death
yeah it is the matter what you're doing that's as you to answer so can like work and i'm enjoying and i really like i will say i really i'm may embarrassing okay i really like worth with jared and paul and david before and all the members you know andrew and caitlin
and veronica and at who have and i mentioned wrong wrong wrong is in this isn't the and hassan and insurgent and marie maria western art or sector so this is so if you're as to be on the board
to be a candidate for the board you know don't turn it down because you know how much fun
when it's not fun when it's it's fun
today was that