January 25th, 2002, Serial No. 00034

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Speaker: Dom John Eudes, OCSO
Possible Title: Retreat 2002
Additional text: #5, Joy, contd, carol discussion

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Jan. 23-25, 2002

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to rejoice in the Lord always. And he repeats himself, again I say, rejoice. This comes from the epistle to the Philippians. It gives the name to the third Sunday of Advent, but actually it's an exhortation to all of us to live in a state of joy. Joy is very much related to the other topics we've been talking about. It's related above all else, seems to me, to love. And in particular, the love of God and to his presence. There's been a new interest and understanding the place of love in relation to the inner life of the Trinity.

[01:06]

Just since I'm here, I've seen a couple of articles that deal with the, especially with the Holy Spirit in relation to the inner Trinitarian life. But also in relation to creation, we can't talk about the love of God without being aware that we exist simply because He loves us. That's the point that Father McCabe makes, and He creates us in such a way that if we know ourselves, In depth, the chief thing we learn is that we're loved by God. We couldn't exist in the way we do unless God loves us and gives us the space to be free and to love in return.

[02:22]

But joy is very much related to that, and of course it's also related to the other topic that I took up earlier, that of perfection. Because joy is the fruit of love and fulfillment. It arises from the experience of a certain completion, a greater fullness of life. Joy is created by love when love is intensified and elevated and so made more pure and noble. We're about to celebrate Lent for Lom. It happens that just a day or two after Ash Wednesday, I head for the Philippines. That'll be my Lent, I'm afraid.

[03:24]

And Lent too, although it's a very sober kind of joy, like Advent, looks forward to a presence, the presence of the Spirit won for us by Jesus on the cross. at the very end of Lent. So that Lent too, although it stresses penance and self-denial, is like Advent, a time for spiritual joy. St. Paul goes on in this passage where he tells us to rejoice always Why? Because the Lord is near. He's coming in the flesh at Christmas. He's already near to us now by grace and will become still more near to us by the gift of His Spirit.

[04:38]

is sent after He gives Himself for us on the cross. So the Lord is not only near, He is within us, in our heart, in the depths of our spirit, making it possible for us to love Him in return. That's one of the points that Father McCain makes that I think is the chief insight he has in his article on the Trinity, that the normal relation between a creature and its creator, a child and its parent, is one of hierarchy, of submission and of command. But in the case of God's creating us in Christ, we become his equals in a certain way, because Christ is his equal.

[05:54]

And so we become capable of friendship with God. That's the deepest source of our joy. There's more than first occurs to the mind wrapped up in these few words of St. Paul, to rejoice always, because the Lord is near. What does it mean to rejoice in the Lord? It soon becomes apparent to anyone who attempts to answer this question, then it's not possible to give any adequate and precise definition to this expression. It's a pointer rather than a definition, what we say about joy. The best we can do is to paraphrase it with parallel phrases, such as to find delight in the Lord, to feel glad or cheerful,

[06:59]

knowing we belong to him and that he's given himself to us. In giving a son to us, he makes it possible for us to become not only his children, but his friends. Such joy then results from our attachment to the Lord, not from any other benefit he might bestow on us, such as good health, success, loving friends, but from our personal relation to Him. This joy terminates in the person, in the persons of God. The joy is not so readily understood as some of the other states of consciousness. While there is a wide agreement concerning its general characteristics, various writers define it somewhat differently. Their treatments are rather

[08:01]

complementary than contradictory, arising from distinct points of departure in part, as well as from the character of joy itself. Its exact nature is elusive in good measures, it seems to me, because it derives in its essence from deeper levels of the soul and is rooted in the spirit, not in the psyche, like the other emotions are. For example, Karl Rahner and Heinrich Vorkremler describe joy as an experience of ordered harmony of the plurality of human existence. You have to sort of think about that a while before it registers. But since joy is an experience, defining it in such terms is not the way to connect with it, it seems to me.

[09:08]

But still, it describes the basis for joy, a harmony of the various elements that make up our human existence. Certainly that is true enough. Joy in this view of things is ultimately founded in the intrinsic harmony of the cosmos, which in turn is due to the fact that Christ is the meaning and ground of creation. All things were made by Him, Saint John tells us in the prologue. The experience of harmony that is joy is rendered possible only because all creation is ordered to Christ. the Word made flesh. Fr. John Horton, Jesuit, defines joy as a feeling aroused by expectation or possession of some good.

[10:09]

He observes that it's rooted in the rational will. The New Catholic Encyclopedia defines joy as a pleasant state of quiescence. which the will is satisfied in a good. A condition for this experience is intellectual reflexive awareness. Modern English usage employs this word in a very wide sense. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness. This definition, however, is too restrictive, it seems to me, in that it excludes the profound and quiet joy known to many of the saints in the midst of suffering and experienced by many fervent followers of Christ in their daily life.

[11:16]

And one cannot always be exultant or ecstatic, and yet St. Paul teaches, in the text cited above, that we should always rejoice. Aristotle already examined this question, and St. Thomas considered that he came up with the right view of the matter. The light, Thomas maintained, differs from joy in that it is a movement instead of the sensitive soul. Delight is experienced by animals as well as by human persons. Joy, on the contrary, is proper to human beings and to angels. For we do not speak of joy except when delight follows reason. We feel gratitude for God's gifts to us. We experience joy when we find ourselves absorbed with his person.

[12:20]

when we feel he is near and present to us. It's useful, perhaps, to point out that being near is not the same as being present to someone. Man can be physically at our elbow and mentally and emotionally very distant. I remember once an encounter I had with a I think I mentioned that the other day, where he said with his wife, she was sometimes very present to him, and other times so distant that he found it depressing. He was actually so discouraged by her, he was tempted to suicide. So physical closeness, material closeness, is not what St.

[13:23]

Paul has in mind. It's not the source of joy, inevitably. It's spiritual closeness, personal. Such presence is itself a form of charity. That is, a benevolent love that transcends selfish satisfaction. Though to be sure such a relation is the most gratifying of all experiences, the gratification is not sought for itself, but is a by-product, a gratuitous fruit of self-giving. Joy is one of the purest of responses to another, for it arises from appreciation of the other in himself. Some years ago, I had a very fascinating encounter with a young woman who was a very attractive personality.

[14:29]

In fact, I noticed her in the back of church. And I had to go down to the guest house to interview somebody. And when I finished, she was in the hall there and asked to talk to me. And she said, she had something to ask me, that she wasn't a Catholic, that she belonged to a very, one of these biotistic churches, and was a married woman, still in her twenties, but she had cheated on her husband. And she told me her husband was a very serious man, very earnest and he was loyal and all of that, but happy emotionally. And she said that what she wanted to ask me is, should she tell him that she had slipped and got in a relation with somebody and committed adultery?

[15:47]

So that was her concern because it was part of her belief that a man and a wife should not keep secrets from one another. I advised her against that, telling her. But she wasn't at all sure he would forgive her. Could it ruin their marriage? I said, if after many years you feel that he could handle it, you could tell him then. But for now, you better not. I don't know what she did, I never heard from her, but what I remember very explicitly is that she mentioned a couple of times that because with her husband, although he loved her in his way, there wasn't any joy. She went looking for it elsewhere, and of course she found more misery instead of joy. You can find delight in that kind of thing, but not joy. And she was one of the most striking instances of that that I've ever encountered, because she certainly was a very attractive woman and a very virtuous person, but was vulnerable because of this lack of a connection on a personal level that gives joy.

[17:15]

Joy doesn't arise from self-interest. Delight can, but not joy. Rather, it's responsive to the qualities of the other who, in some real manner, we truly love. Joy results because, being created in the image of God, we find fulfillment in imitating God, who, as Trinity, is essentially shared love. And that's what these recent articles by Sebastian Moore and Father McCabe treat of. There's a revived interest in that and a new, I think, some new insights into that question that already Saint Augustine gave important attention to. not wholly successfully.

[18:20]

The intensity and purity of joy varies with the degree and quality of the loving desire in which it is rooted. That in turn is determined by the quality of the object of one's love, as well as on the virtue of the lover. Supreme joy arises from the perfection of love for God, and as God himself as his object. There's also a joy of participation in God's life and love. Our sharing in his life is a profound source of spiritual delight, one that is compatible with other affections, such as sorrow. That's not often appreciated, in my opinion, and it's a pity. But one of my deepest convictions is that the strongest support for our monastic life is a quiet and profound joy that arises from belonging to God, and that is quiet and deep enough that it can exist in the presence of difficulties or struggles, even of a certain feeling at times,

[19:49]

of sorrow and struggle. But if the joy is there, I believe that it's the strongest support we can have, humanly speaking, for persevering, and persevering fruitfully in our call. In proportion as human friendship and other loving relations reflect divine qualities such as dedication to truth, goodness, and spiritual beauty, those human relations too are a source of true joy for us. For joy is in fact rooted in love, St. Thomas Aquinas averts in his analysis of its nature. It is evident, he states, that love is the first affection of the appetitive power, and that desire and joy follow from it.

[21:00]

Hence the same virtuous habit inclines us to love and desire the beloved good and to rejoice in it. In practice, this means that to take joy in anyone occurs only when there's some measure of bonding with that person so that in some way he has become another self or at least is experienced as such. It would even seem that to experience joy in another is itself a bonding experience. Either creating a new union or intensifying one that already exists. Joy results from the fulfillment of desire or an aspiration that is rooted deeply in the soul. Only when the other embodies some value or good that we admire and aspire after do we react to its presence with that spontaneous and gladsome feeling we call joy.

[22:09]

and that makes life seem somehow more complete and more worthy. Jesus understood his life in preaching to be a source of surpassing joy. St. Luke makes it clear that his birth was already a source of great joy to many. He states that explicitly. I give you tidings of great joy, the angels announced to the shepherds. At the visitation, Mary carrying the child in her womb, the joy brought by the Lord was already communicated to the Baptist, who leaps for joy, and of course to Elizabeth and her household. Its mere presence was a source of powerful experience of joy. He presented his message as good news and compared its content to a wedding feast.

[23:16]

His own person produced joy in those who lived with him, so that they could not be sad or fast, he says, when he was present among them. So great a cause for joy was he that John the Baptist compared his person to a bridegroom and referred to himself under the same image. Those who accept him and his teaching are characteristically led to rejoice. The first thing that Matthew did when he came to know Jesus and accept him was to make a banquet and invite his friends, as well as the Lord as his honored guest. He celebrated in joy. As the last event of his active ministry, when he gave out his most moving and profound thoughts and aspirations, was a meal with his disciples.

[24:22]

The joy he brings is expressed more fully in community of those who are one in heart and mind in their union with him. Our joy, to be sure, Our Lord, to be sure, was keenly aware that however pure and elevated in this life, joy would always remain imperfect and limited. He turned the hopes and aspirations to his hearers, to a world where joy would one day be full. Thus, in the Beatitudes, he preaches a happiness that looks to a future world, where the values that will be rewarded are those despised in this world. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted in the world to come, that is. The Apocalypse is faithful to this transcendent vision and depicts heaven as a place of light,

[25:29]

glory and praise, where God is the source of unending blessings to the saints, and joy symbolized by the brilliant attire of a bride is everywhere diffused throughout the heavenly city of which God is the soul under the form of light. The Church Fathers grasped with a sure spiritual sense this message of joy and its implications for Jesus' followers. They carried his good news to their communities, wrote of it, and explained its significance in their preaching. Origen, to name the most creative of them all, understood the Word of God as an ever-flowing fountain of refreshment. and the source of spiritual gladness. The gospel, he wrote, is a discourse that contains the announcement of events that, justly in view of their usefulness, gives joy to those who hear it from the moment they accept its announcement.

[26:43]

Just as the appropriate nourishment for the body satisfies animals who also origin rice, Every rational animal has need of nourishment that is proper to it and suitable for its condition. Now the true nourishment of reasonable nature is the Word of God. The Word of God then is ordered to provide a profound satisfaction to our spiritual self. He is aware at the same time that the joy at discovering the true sense of Scripture, as revealed by Christ, is inevitably accompanied by suffering. St. Augustine is well treated seriously of the question of joy in relation to the Gospel. He points out that since Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, He showed that what we call happiness is false and leads to slavery.

[27:48]

He is the one who reveals what our true happiness is. He also bestows on us the special graces needed to attain to it. Joy results from that happiness that is founded in truth. 1st Guston demonstrates, though two individuals might disagree totally as to what activity would make them happy, Yet both make their choice based upon their opinion as to what will bring them joy. They call the joy itself the happy life, he writes. For though one seeks joy in this way and the other in that, yet there is one thing which all strive to attain, and that is to rejoice. And since everybody has had some experience of joy, when they hear mention made of the happy life, they recognize what it is from their memory. This joy is the interior experience of the happy life.

[28:53]

It unites all the faculties in a single fruition. It is found when a person seeks the truth with desire. However fortunate any of us might be in this life, though, never will we know the fullness of joy. Joy is certain only when it is the result of attaining eternal truth. For St. Augustine, then, joy results from realizing the goal of desire. If we would attain to perfect happiness, we must intensify and enlarge our desire. For he wrote, desire is the space inside the heart. We shall attain what we desire if we extend desire as much as we are able. This doctrine then is another link that connects joy with the cease and

[29:57]

of Advent and of Lent, which fosters the longing for the coming of Christ to bring salvation and eternal life to His people. St. Brunner, too, is one of the more prominent preachers concerning the importance of joy for the Christian and of the appropriate means of attaining to its perfection. He points out that the very ardor of desire is a foretaste of beatitude. Bernard insists, however, that before we can expect our desire to be ardent, we must mortify ourselves and abstain from false satisfactions. This entails sharing in the Passion of Christ. In a sermon that has joy as its theme, He develops this point further and stresses the need for purification before we can be capable of pure joy.

[31:00]

Good wine, he writes, is not from the vine of impurity, but from the jar of purification. Good wine is not made from the grape of Gomorrah, but from the water of Judea. You have saved the good wine until now, we read in John. For the best wine is saved until now. in that it is not made with water, but rather from that great cluster from the promised land that is carried upon a pole, when we know Christ according to the flesh and Him crucified. After laboring at this work of cleansing the heart, the soul is freed from vice and begins to drink of the wine of joy, having learned to glory, not only in hope, but also in tribulation. Though in the present time of purification we're not left without consolation, Bernard reminds us, but we are helped by the Holy Spirit.

[32:07]

This is the twofold joy that you have in the meantime, Bernard says, in the Holy Spirit, from the memory of future goods and from enduring present evils. This rejoicing still has a certain restlessness about it that leads us to desire a deeper satisfaction, which we seek through union with our Savior in prayer. In the measure that we turn in prayer to the Lord, we begin to enjoy more than the memory of the Lord. We experience His presence, even at times, His embrace. Although only a total union with the Word made flesh will satisfy the longing spirit in this life, we must live by faith and be content with the longing for face-to-face vision possible only in heaven. Still, even now, we possess the Lord as an amiable companion on the way.

[33:12]

who lightens our travels with his delightful conversation. Bernard describes in elaborate detail the ways in which the Lord solicits our love and sustains our hope by revealing himself to us as lovable. He writes, and in all these things he is gentle and tender, rich in mercy, for in his kiss he is affectionate and mild He anoints us, as it were, with soothing pigments and fragrant salves, by treating us with gentleness, overflowing with delicate compassion. On our journey, He is cheerful, affable, charming, and consoling. He is munificent in showing us His riches and possessions, and in His royal largesse, shows Himself to be lavish in bestowing rewards. Accordingly, we can even now live in joy, though our joy must remain imperfect so long as we are embodied and consequently devoted to death.

[34:21]

We can hope to know the fullness of joy only after the body is glorified by the resurrection and enjoy the face-to-face vision promised to those who are pure of heart. Although we shall be fully satisfied, yet our desire will continue to stretch out, taking us further into the source of our delight in the Lord. Daya Doga Phutiki, if you recall, as I said the other day, spoke of a higher joy that leads to perfection. Since joy is the fulfillment of the ardent desire of the true good, who is Christ the Lord, and desire is the fruit of charity, if we were to attain to perfect joy, we must make it our concern to cultivate that love of God that is pure and ardent, in which we denominate charity.

[35:27]

The liturgy that fosters our longing for the Lord's presence stimulates us to strive after a more pure and more profound love for God. By placing before the eyes of the Spirit the mercy and goodness of God who patiently awaits our repentance and forgives our sins in view of refashioning us in the image of His Son, the liturgy gives us strong motivation for responding to God's kindness with a loving gratitude. When we reflect on the fact that it is His own Son whom He sends to aid us by His personal sacrifice, His humility in suffering, and even His death, we come to feel a greater trust in approaching Him and become more confident of His welcoming us. Nothing so stimulates love as recognition that one is loved, and I would say trusted.

[36:37]

Let us take these considerations to heart then as we enter upon the coming season of Lent, so that made ready through more fervent love and gratitude to God we might receive Christ in joy, when He comes to take us with Himself into the presence of His merciful Father. Yes. I think you're right.

[37:43]

That's one reason I speak about joy. That doesn't mean there wasn't a kind of joy present, but often it wasn't spoken about much. But I personally made a discovery in my own life. When I entered the Trappists, it was certainly grimly austere, in my experience at least. Life seemed rather heavy there, but I discovered that underneath that, that somehow I was able to, not to resent it, but to realize it was productive.

[39:03]

And that was a source of joy. And as time went on, I could see that behind this sort of sorrow or heaviness, there was a presence of God that really was a source of strength and joy. So that I think I can honestly say that at least since I made simple vows, I haven't had an unhappy day yet. But I've had a lot of days when I could barely get through. The worst was in Africa. But I felt the Lord carry me. And then when I almost died about 18 months ago, I had that same experience that I didn't feel upset. I didn't feel sad.

[40:05]

And on the contrary, I felt, if this is God's will, it's quite all right. I wasn't overflowing with joy. But I think I mentioned that one of the doctor's assistants there felt that. And she was a Buddhist, but she decided to come in the church after that experience. As she said, she saw the way that that I experienced that miserable condition. I couldn't eat, or sleep, or even turn over in bed on my own, or breathe. And yet, it didn't seem to be anything depressing. So I think that's why I mentioned that there is a kind of quiet joy that I think is part of the charism of the monastic life, which is dedicated to conversion and awareness that we're sinners and take responsibility for our weaknesses and our sins and fragility.

[41:23]

But at the same time, our whole call is response to God's love. And I think as we realize that, that's the real source of quiet joy. But I do agree with you that there's a paradox in it. I just finished reading a life of Lubeck. Sort of the biography of his thought is more than his life, but it's life too. One of his admirers, the Jesuit. And he's a very impressive man. I wouldn't be surprised if he were canonized someday when you go into the details of his life. But one of his deepest convictions was that God has made us in such a way, He was suspected of being a heretic because of this.

[42:32]

He made it in such a way that we really can't find our joy and our happiness except in Him. And yet that being made in that way, although it's in our nature, we can't realize that happiness except by a special gift of grace. He has a book called Supernatural, and that seems to be the essential message, and that gift of grace is given us, of course, in Christ, out of God's sheer love for us. So that awareness of that, that's why we're all here, I think is the basis for quiet, peaceful joy, even in the midst of trials and awareness of our sinfulness.

[43:35]

Yes. Yeah, that woman who committed adultery sort of illustrates that, I think. Having a good time is a way to joy. It really backfired for her. It's kind of a pity not to be able to find out how things developed later in her life. But I think our talk did help her decide that she wasn't bound in conscience to tell her husband, by the way.

[44:47]

In the 15th century, they recreated the Lord, the Lord himself, the Lord himself. Yeah, yeah. But then, at the same time, there was this same spirituality, mostly The more you suffer, the holier you are. Yes. And then, of course, I was done by sisters. Yes. They were very devoted. Oh, yes. I think that was typical of many. Well, I was blessed to have a Jesuit teacher when I went to college. who was the opposite of that. He was strong on, you know, Bennett's and so on. But he was probably the most cheerful and outgoing man on the faculty. And even that I met in life, he always seemed happy.

[45:58]

And that made him a very attractive personality. But that was too rare. There were some others that I knew. I had Benedictine sisters when I went to grade school, and they had a very fine sister there too. In fact, I had the same teacher in the first grade that my father had, Sister Crescentia. I still remember her name. I'd never heard of St. Crescentia, but she was about 80 or something and still going strong. But I think it's part of our witness to accept the joy that comes from longing to the Lord. And those people who do that doesn't mean that they aren't carrying their burden of suffering, too.

[47:01]

But they, I think, radiate more of the spirit that St. Paul speaks of, that our Lord spoke of. You know, there was a Franciscan... I worked, when I was in medical school, I worked at night in the hospital for the poor, the St. Franciscan Sisters of the Poor, because they couldn't afford interns, so they hired medical students. And there was a nun there, a German. She had a heavy German accent. who was charged to take care of us. My closest friend and I both had this job. We were on duty together. And it was kind of a grim place. Some of these patients were desperate and chronic. So I remember one who had cancer of the face.

[48:03]

whereas the bones were eaten away and maggots were coming out of his face. And she always gave the impression she had just come from a party. She was always cheerful and happy and concerned that the icebox was full so that we had enough to eat and concerned about our welfare and so on. How on earth she maintained that It was a mystery to me, but she always, I never saw her any time, day or night, when she didn't radiate that. And yet she was carrying this kind of penitential life that was, you know, I found it depressing, the atmosphere at times, except for you know, for her mostly. So the two aren't incompatible.

[49:04]

And I think getting that idea, becoming more aware of the hidden joy that is in our life, makes it more fruitful for us. Like becoming aware of the potentials that we have puts us in a position to act on them more. One of the biggest principles in psychotherapy is that Evagrius Ponticus in the 4th century already understood this, that the more precisely you can identify your inner states, the more effectively you can work with it. So he wrote a book called Antireticus that consists of a whole list of sayings you know, maybe like 10 sayings from the scriptures that you demons and the more precise against their temptations and the more precisely you identified the demon, the more

[50:16]

you were able to pick the right one of these sayings and use it against it. So the principle, it sounds a little quaint when you put it, that's the way you put it, but the principle is very sound. I mean, it's the principle that's behind all modern insight therapy, that recognizing the potential, the hidden conflicts that we have, but also, Freud emphasized the conflicts, but also the hidden potentials puts us in a position to do something about it instead of being driven by it. And then it's up to us, of course, to work at it. But I've seen that even relatively simple insight into a rather ordinary experience, a change of people's lives.

[51:28]

So being aware of this hidden joy, I think, can be a source of very real strength and of stimulus to continue on the way and to give our best. At some point, all of us get to a place in life where that's all we've got. Some of us live rather closely to that, much of the time. And a number of the saints, a number of the saints I had a friend who lived with Teilhard down in the chest with St. Ignatius down in Manhattan. You know, when T.R.

[52:49]

died, actually, in New York. And he told me, I asked, well, how did he impress you? He said he was the most misunderstood Jesuit I ever knew, because he was so humble, you know. He said he would see the Superior every week and tell him what he's doing to get his blessing and that sort of thing. But he had to live under a shadow most of his life. The Luback is the one who stood by him, wrote to defend him. He knew by experience what that was like. But he certainly had character. Actually, in the war, he was decorated for bravery under fire in the First World War. And he kept that. That aggressive spirit, I think. He was the only person I ever met that much about the First World War.

[53:51]

He was the only person I ever met about the First World War who didn't see it as an absolute, unabashed, 1,000% tragedy. Yeah. I don't want to say it was all one picnic that he was in. No, he was in the front trenches, yes. He wasn't flying it, but I mean, who's asking about what he was doing? Oh, yeah. Helping. That was just amazing. You know, the bunners that he built. Oh, John, thank you very much. Oh, I'm all right. You should publish this. There's a professor down in Kentucky who got interested in my talks on the web.

[54:52]

I put him up on the web. I would say this one was. So he's working on that. He's former teacher at Princeton, but he gave that up to go down and work in Appalachia. a Quaker, but somehow that speaks to him and in fact... Sydney Callaghan, she's worked on it a little bit, but it's the same thing, she's worked on things on Solomon and something. Oh yeah. It's a paradox how they go together. Yeah, I think so, yeah. How it's missed. Yeah. That's right. It's a kind of creative tension, almost. I think so. Yeah, I'll tell you what you said about him as an example. You know, he could give the idea, he was on top of everything.

[55:53]

But it took a lot of courage also, this Father Henderson, the one who influenced me so much. His nickname was The Breeze. Because he was always, you know, full of energy and so on. One of the things that I still remember, this is 60 years ago almost, but is how he was always the same, even dealing with poor, you know, with the poor, he wasn't any different than when he dealt with, you know, rich people or prominent people and so on. He had the same outgoing cheerfulness. He had a great influence there on the groups of students. He probably stimulated more vocations than the whole rest of the faculty together.

[56:56]

And I think it was that enthusiasm. Now, how far back would this be on the web? Is it still there? It should still be there. When was this one? I don't remember. Yeah. Well, for your peace of mind... Well, not to... But this was... 99, it looks like. Maybe older. It might be older. Yeah, 99. Just the 3rd Sunday of Advent. I modified it some this morning. 3rd Sunday of Advent? 3rd Sunday of Advent, yeah. Yeah, Gaudete Sunday, yeah. Chapter, what was it? Chapter 2. I was connecting that with what you said about yourself when you had two monks that you were worried about.

[58:23]

Yes. The monk said, or one of them anyway, said, Or was it a person supposed to have died? Yeah. Yeah. When I told him, you know, that I feel badly that you have to go through this dying of cancer, slow death. He said, oh, don't. He said it this way. Oh, don't worry about that. That's not important because if it were bad, God, my father wouldn't allow it. He didn't say God. He said my father would let it happen. And I happened to be out at the front gate because his sister showed up and when she heard about this Mary she still writes to me occasionally and she arrived when he was outside at the doctor's so he wasn't there so I talked to her a little bit and then he came back we were there and he looked awful she burst out crying

[59:30]

which he saw him. And he said, Merrick, what are you crying about? There's nothing. This isn't all that serious. It's just death. Nothing to worry. And you know, you could see he meant it. It wasn't. And then it's one thing to say that, but he stayed that way throughout his illness. When he died, he died very peacefully. And yet, he was considered to be so fragile, he might have a nervous breakdown. He got stronger. He also was one of the most faithful coming to see me. He would come every Saturday morning, you know, talk. Very bright guy. He had been a radio man in the Navy Air Force in World War II, and was very interested in science. One of his favorite readings was Scientific America, most of which is over my head.

[60:35]

Yeah, it's pretty sophisticated stuff, but he loved it. Talking about Scientific America, I was thinking of talking about light. One of the latest inventions for computers is computers run not by electricity but by light and Intel has developed a chip with 1100, a little tiny chip, with 1150 mirrors on it that are active switches and so there's no friction in such a system, because there's no resistance to light.

[61:37]

And these mirrors, there are two kinds of chips, one where the mirrors can be moved, the other is where they're fixed, but at angles. So each of those mirrors acts as a switch. And it's supposed to enhance the speed of computers by a factor of 1000. Instead of, say, a million operations per second, which they can do now, or two million, two billion. Isn't that fascinating? The first one made like that was in Scotland. Just two guys who were working at a little lab invented this thing. But Intel took it over. to it, and they say it's going to be available in two or three years.

[62:39]

Once on Tuesday, we had gone, a bunch of us had gone out for lunch, full custom, and we'd go out whenever we wanted to. So KVU asked us if we wanted to see the pavilion, the corner pavilion. three or four years. So, we were going to come back here. So we said, okay. So we went over and went inside to where we were able to stay outside. We're looking in. I'm looking out. And all of a sudden this man came along, who I hadn't seen here for months, I didn't know his name at the time. He said, what are you doing here? I said, well, I'm with three of the brothers, they're outside. He said, well, stay right here. He took all of us, some people. So when they came in, I said, well, this man came and said, stay right here. First thing he does is, I mean, he does have that view of substance, that's what he says.

[63:48]

They're with me. I said a few years later, I said, I hope you've done any further than what perception does, because it sounds like that you can't get by unless you've got some of it. And the first thing he does, he goes to this little molecule display of the photonics. And his point was, the gist of it, the short of it was, computes a passé. But it's got to be, you know, this futon has to go at the speed of light. You know, when you're trying to communicate with Washington, it's like a flick of a finger and you've got to communicate, you know what I'm saying. I couldn't fathom what he was saying. I just said to myself, well, so, you know, if this thing is, you know, it's got this photo, what do you call it, prototype thing there.

[64:51]

I'm thinking, well. It's transmitting with a laser? He spoke of laser, but I don't know whether it is laser or whether it's something else. It's probably what it was tied in with. They say they can transmit now, in a matter of two seconds, the whole content of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

[65:21]

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