Last Sunday I told some stories about the origins of life. And I proposed that life is the interplay between our sensuous body and the world. The interplay or the dance between the sensuous body and the sensible world. That that dance is our life, or is life. And also I propose that this dance between your sense organs, my sense organs, and the world is cognition, is consciousness.

[01:13]

And I mentioned that sometimes we say that consciousness arises from the interplay between our sense organs and the sensible world. Sometimes we say it arises from that. But it might be better to say that it is the interplay rather than it is an interplay plus something called consciousness. So consciousness is not my sensuous body, And consciousness is not the sensible world, it's the dance between the two. That's the story I told last week. So according to this, living systems are cognitive systems, are consciousness systems. And living as a process is a cognitive process.

[02:24]

And so today part of what I would like to do is connect what I said last week to something, another step, which is that upon this dance, upon this life, upon this dance between our body and the world, which is life, which is cognition, Upon that, we tell stories. We imagine in our mind a relationship between ourselves and the world. So once again, our awareness arises as the relationship, as the dance with the world.

[03:35]

And then with that awareness, with that life, comes the ability to tell stories about the dance, to tell stories about the interplay, to tell stories about life, to tell stories about consciousness. And so the story I'm telling is that these stories about the dance, we tell them in order to make sense of the dance, in order to get a hold of the dance. Because even though it's a dance, and even though it's the dance of life, when we're unenlightened, we're afraid of it. We're afraid of life. which is the dance between us and the great earth and all other living beings. We're afraid of the dance we're doing with other humans and with the mountains, the rivers, and the great earth.

[04:40]

In its immediate vitality, if we don't understand the dance, we want to get a hold of it as a coping mechanism. And the way we get a hold of it is by imagining in our mind some way that we can get a hold of it, some story about it, some picture story about this dance, in hopes that St. Nicholas will soon be here, in hopes that we will be able to get a hold of it and that that will assuage our fear of this totally dynamic, life dance. Okay? Here we are, we got a body, it gets turned on by the world, and the world gets turned on by it. Before the body is turned on, there's no life.

[05:43]

Before the sense organs are stimulated sufficiently, For the dance to start, we're not alive, we're not conscious. When that intensity is sufficient, we are a living being, a sensuous, sensory, sentient being. Then we get scared. And we have the ability to cope with it by making up stories. And these stories are what we call karma. They're the basic activity, the basic action of our mind is to make up ways to turn an ungraspable dynamism, which is life, into something we can grasp. We do this as a coping mechanism and then we generally speaking forget that we did it for that reason and we start believing it. If we don't learn and understand how we're interpreting this dance, how we're interpreting the dance to make sense of it, how we're telling stories about the dance to make sense of it, if we don't understand that, we and all other beings, the whole world, is harmed.

[07:13]

Harmed. We are harmed if we don't understand the story we made up to cope with our life. We feel trapped and it also, by the way, it doesn't really assuage our fear. We're still afraid and we're now, the stories which we generate to cope with the fear lead to more stories to cope with the fear and more harm. And the basic way we're harming is that we're believing that our stories about our relationships with each other, we're believing that our stories about our relationship with each other are actually our relationship. Now, some stories are nice, like, you're my friends. But still, for me to believe that my story that we're friends is actually our relationship is an insult to the actuality

[08:16]

which is not actually accounted for by that little story I told about you and me. It's a nice story though. If I believe it, it harms our actual relationship. Now if I tell a bad story, of course that's really sad. And if I believe it, of course it's even worse. The key thing is that if we do study, if we do learn and understand these stories, then the world is benefited. If we do make these stories, that's our karma. We can't avoid it. We have this activity of mind to make some way to cope with our life. We can't stop that for now. If we don't study it, the lack of study causes a negative transformation of the entire world.

[09:25]

If we do study it, however, and understand it, it makes the world evolve positively. The evolutionary thread of our life is the activity of our mind which is interpreting the world. It's an evolutionary opportunity. If we don't look at it, if we don't pay attention to it, if we don't understand it, we miss. No, it's still the evolutionary thread, it's just that then the evolutionary thread is a negative one. When understood, it's a positive one. So that's a story about the necessity to study stories if you wish that the world will be transformed in a positive way. And it's a story about if you wish the world to be transformed in a negative way, then don't pay attention to what you're thinking.

[10:35]

Don't pay attention to the stories you tell Just tell them, believe them, and don't understand them. And you will be successful at contributing negatively. And the world will be transformed by that contribution of your not studying what you're up to. No matter what we do, we contribute to the transformation of the world, and the world then contributes to the transformation of us. Again, let me say that I'm telling a story. I remember maybe, I don't know how many years ago, not too many, but someone said to me, you're a storyteller. And I thought, hmm, I never had that story about myself. And, you know, I thought I was a, I had a story that I was a Zen priest

[11:37]

that I meditated and things like that. But then I thought, well, being a storyteller is good in a way. This person seemed to appreciate it. So now I accept that I'm a storyteller. And that that's a story. But I also offer to you that I have a story about my relationship with each of you. And I see myself in relationship to each of you. And each of you I see as a storyteller. I say we're all storytellers. Some of us don't talk that much, but when we talk, we tell stories. When we're quiet, we're telling stories in our mind. I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm miserable. I'm being unappreciated. I'm being appreciated. I'm the boss. I'm the employee.

[12:40]

I'm the mother. I'm the father. I'm the father and I really am the father. I mean, I'm really the father. We tell stories like that in our mind, and then we sometimes, after telling it in our mind, we sometimes say it out loud. I'm the father. I'm the grandfather. I'm the walrus. We say out loud, we tell stories every moment, every moment there's a story in our mind. We do not, no matter what's happening, which is giving rise to our life, this dance, we don't just dance, we have the story. But if we give close attention to the story, there's a possibility that we will not be caught by it. Letting go of our stories, not being caught by our stories, good stories, bad stories.

[13:48]

Letting go of our intentions. Every moment we have a story means every moment we have an intention. letting go of our good intentions and our bad intentions, is happiness. It's happiness. Holding on to our stories is more or less unhappiness. I'm a storyteller. You're a storyteller. if I let go of my stories, letting go of my stories is happiness. Doesn't mean there's no stories, it's that letting go of them is happiness. Holding on to them is unhappiness. And when I let go of them, the world is transformed positively because the whole world makes me, in the dance I have with the world, and the whole world makes me

[14:58]

create a story about my relationship with the world. And when I understand that story, the world is transformed positively. And when I understand my stories, I don't hold on to them. If I don't study them and don't understand them, then generally speaking, I forget and hold on to them and the world is transformed unfortunately. That's the story I'm telling you. And I have to be careful not to believe it, like think that it's really what's going on. The basic action of a living being, the basic action of a conscious being, not the consciousness itself, but the action of the consciousness is this interpretation of its relationship with the universe.

[16:22]

It's a basic action and it's, of course, it's an action of the cognition. It's a conscious action. this action is shaped by the cognition. And once the action arises, a consequence of this action is that it shapes the next cognitions. And then those cognitions shape the intentions, the interpretations, the stories. So round and round. If this cycle is not studied, then the way that the actions influence the next cognition is to make it darker. And dark cognitions contribute to unskillful actions, and unskillful actions unstudied then contribute to

[17:25]

more and more dim vision, more and more dim vision, and so on. That's how it works. And all this is in relationship to the world. So everybody else gets drawn into this lack of study. And vice versa, even if an action or a story, a cognitive action story, is unskillful and unhappy, if studied, the study transforms the story and the vision becomes clear. I often say, we often say, learning the Buddha way is learning about the self. But today I would say learning the Buddha way is learning about karma, is learning about cognitive activity.

[18:39]

Learning the Buddha way is learning about your intentions, is giving close attention to the story you're telling right now and right now. Studying, learning the Buddha way is learning about the story that we're telling right now. All of us are telling a story right now. To learn the way of enlightenment is to learn about the story you're telling right now. That's about learning the Buddha way. And when you actually do learn the Buddha way, then the actual culmination of the learning is that you let go of your interpretation of the world. You forget it, in a sense.

[19:41]

You're relieved of it. You're relieved of your intention. You're relieved of your idea about how you're related to the world because you studied and understood it. When you're relieved of your understanding of the, when you're relieved of your interpretation of your relationship with beings, when you can let go because of understanding, not throwing away, but because you understand that your relationship with other beings cannot be grasped because it's a dance. You can tell stories about the dance, but you cannot grasp the dance. You are the dance. And the world is the dance. And both being the dance is life. And it cannot be grasped. But again, we're afraid of this thing, this dance. So we make up a story about it. If you study this story, in the present, in the present, in the present,

[20:49]

you will become free of the story. And when you're free of the story because of not holding to the story, then everything that happens enlightens you. So this is about learning the Buddha way. Now, what is the Buddha way? The Buddha way is to be enlightened by everything. The Buddha way is basically leaping The Buddha way is being and doing in such a way that is happiness for you and the whole world. The Buddha way is working and being, you could say, for the happiness of all beings in the great earth. But actually it is the happiness.

[21:53]

It's the way of being which is the way of acting which is happiness for all beings. And it is also basically leaping. Leaping clear of our stories, leaping clear of our interpretations, But it's not just being free of the interpretations, it's having interpretations, it's living in the world of being, in our case as human beings, who are cognitive creatures, who have cognitive activity of interpreting, interpreting, interpreting, but who have studied this process and now leap free of it. And then, again, be a human study being a human, learn about being a human, and at the understanding of what it is, there is leaping free and being enlightened by everything.

[22:59]

The Buddha way is acting, is working, again, for one's happiness and the happiness of others, but I kind of like better working, doing, that is the happiness. There's a way of working, there's a way of acting that is the happiness. But in order to be that way and work that way, we need to learn what we're up to. Somehow without the practice of paying attention to what we're up to, and what we're up to is non-stop storytelling. We are full-time storytellers, and the practice is to be aware of that. If we're not aware of that, the blinders go up.

[24:11]

Not being aware of that creates blinding to the way of being that is happiness. It creates blinding to the leaping that is actually happening. So we have this this basic practice of studying the self, learning about the self, but in particular learn about the self through learning about your actions. And your action is the way your mind creates a picture of your relationship, of the pattern of relationship with the world. The peace and happiness of the world depends on us turning the light around, turning the light of awareness around, and shining it back inwardly to illuminate what we're up to.

[25:22]

We are up to something. We never aren't. The happiness of the world depends on each of us And the unhappiness of the world depends on each of us. If we don't do this work, if we don't look inwardly and see what we're up to, that hinders the positive contribution. If we do do it, if we turn the light around, it facilitates our positive contribution. We're going to make contributions. We can't avoid it. We are going to think We are going to imagine. We are going to interpret. We can't not do that. But by studying it, we can resolve the problems. And every moment's an opportunity. if we give close attention, close and penetrating attention.

[26:33]

First of all, pay some attention. First of all, give some attention. When you first give attention to your intention, when you first give attention to your story, it may not be that close because you may be out of shape about giving attention to what you're up to. but gradually learn to give close attention to what you're up to. And what you're up to is close, but you may not know how to give close attention to it. And by learning to give close attention, you can come to give penetrating attention. And when you give close and penetrating attention to your story, you will see that there's no substance to it. and you'll be relieved of it. And you will be unhindered at that moment in bringing happiness to the world.

[27:37]

Another way of saying this is practice intimately and return to where you are. practice intimately and return to where you are. And where you are is the place where you're dancing with the universe and where that dance is your life and where you're telling stories. Come back to the story center and be intimate with the story and you will realize freedom for the story, not just for yourself, but for the thing you're dancing with, your partner, the entire world. When you're freed, the world's freed with you. Not everybody understands that, but you can show them how to understand it, which is to do the practice of looking at what they're up to. Coming to this hall today, did you by any chance

[28:52]

turn the light around, shine it back to see what your intention was coming here? If you did, that is called practice. That's called finding your place right where you are. And where you are is a place of consciousness and conscious activity. And there's an intention there. So I could ask you, if you did look as you started to come to this hall and to see what your intention was, maybe you could say now what intention you found, those of you who looked and found an intention. What was your intention? You can all talk at the same time if you want, or take turns. He had the intention to follow the schedule of Green Gulch Farm.

[29:57]

We're in the middle of a three-week intensive. Right in the middle. Right in the middle right now. And he had the intention to follow the schedule. That was the intention. Yes? He had the intention to be a good Zen student. That was the story. This is a good Zen student and I want to be one of them. Right? Yes? Hear the true Dharma. Hear the true Dharma. She wanted to hear the true Dharma. That was her intention. She had this picture. Ah, true Dharma, hearing. I want to join that. Yes? What? I couldn't hear you. Not to act holy. Not to act... Holy. Your intention was not to act holy? Oh, holy, holy like holy and profane? Or completely? Holy like opposite of saintly? I mean, same as saintly? You didn't want to do that? That's your story? Great. Yes, what was yours?

[31:02]

What? Get a good seat. What? Your intention was to stop being jealous. Is it still? Interact with like-minded people. My intention was to see God, feel God, be God. Your intention was to seek God? See God, feel God, be God, trust. See God, be God, see God, be God, trust. That was your intention? Okay, all right. Okay, now that you've arrived, what's your intention? Now that you've entered the room, what's your intention? To reconnect with practice. To reconnect with practice. There's a story called Practice, Me, and Reconnect. It's a story, okay? Now what's your intention?

[32:06]

Same one? Okay. I'm happy to go on, but I just want to mention that one of my stories is that it's not unimportant what your story was or what your intention was. And it's not unimportant what your intention is. I'm not saying it's not important. I'm just saying that your intention is, strictly speaking, that's not practice. That's just a story about practice, like Eric was saying. A story about being a good Zen student or a bad Zen student. I want to be a good Zen student, I want to be a bad Zen student, whatever. I don't know what a Zen student is. These stories are not, strictly speaking, practice. They're just the activity of your mind. The practice is to give close attention to your story. So some people come and tell me stories which I think sound to them when they're telling me like pretty sad stories, stories of disaster.

[33:14]

People tell me stories like that. Sometimes people tell me stories of happiness, of joy. no matter what people are telling me stories. That's not the practice. That's the object of the practice, is to pay attention to the story. I'm in big trouble, okay? Paying attention to that story that you're in big trouble, that's the practice. To be intimate with the most terrible story, to be intimate with the most lovely story, to be intimate with whatever story you've got, that intimacy That awareness, that's the practice. That will show you eventually that no matter what story we have, stories of woe, stories of happiness, no matter what story they are, they're not actually what's going on between us and the universe. They're just an interpretation which we can't avoid doing.

[34:19]

unattended. The consequence of not attending to these is the same as the consequences of not practicing with our stories. Practicing with our stories, they will evolve positively. But even though they evolve positively still, if we think they're substantial and we believe them, we're still trapped. But along with the positive evolution, due to study, along with the positive evolution of our interpretation of this world, our vision becomes clear, our cognitions become clear, and we will see that there's no substantial self to us, the universe, the dance, or the stories about all that. And then there will be happiness and there will be leaping. And the practice then will go on Again, the more we don't study, the more we don't learn, the more we're not aware of our self, of our intentions, of our storytelling, the more we don't see how we are being helped by all beings.

[35:53]

The more we don't do this study, the more we don't learn about our stories, the more we don't see how we're helping all beings. Even if you have a story that you're helping beings, which is a nice story. I'm helping beings. I want to help beings. I'd love to help beings. That's a nice story. If we don't study that story, we won't see how we're actually helping people. And we won't see how to help people. Because what they need help doing is seeing their stories, which we're not doing. If we have a story that we don't want to help people and we don't study that, we won't see how, when we have the story that we don't want to help people, we won't see how we're helping people. You can have a story, I don't want to help you, but you still are helping people.

[37:00]

And if you don't study the story of how you don't want to help people, you won't see how you are helping people. If you don't study and learn about the story about not wanting to help somebody, you won't see how everybody's helping you. Now, if you do study the stories, whatever they are, you will come to see how everyone's helping you. And you will come to see how you're helping everyone. That's actually what's going on. That's actually the dance. Is that the universe is dancing with you and then giving you life and consciousness. That's what everybody in the universe, everything in the universe is doing. It's dancing with you, giving your life freely and completely as your life. You are the manifestation of this dance. You're not the whole dance.

[38:05]

You're just part of it. But you're the manifestation of it. And so am I. You are helping the universe and everything in it, and everything in the universe is helping you. If you study your interpretation, your story, which is to study your karma moment by moment, you will come to see that that story is ungraspable, that what you're dancing with is ungraspable, that you're ungraspable, and the dance is ungraspable. And then you will see how you're helping everyone and everyone's helping you. you will have studied your storytelling so thoroughly that you're free of it.

[39:11]

And the Buddha way is realized. And the way of being that's happiness for all beings is realized. That's the kind of amazingly, astoundingly positive story I'm telling. But what's involved is very challenging effort to be aware moment by moment in a close, intimate, and penetrating way of what I'm up to and what you're up to. But it's possible. It's possible that we can do this, at least for a moment. I asked you what your intention was. You could tell me for a moment, but then that may be the last time you check for quite a while. So that's why we have Zen centers where people say, what's your intention? And you get to say, at least at that moment, you get to look. Because somebody asked you, would you please turn around and look inside and see what your intention is? What's your story of your relationship with the universe right now?

[40:14]

Now, if you're asleep, then I say, are you asleep? And then you wake up. Then I can ask you, what's your intention right now? And when I ask you, I look, what's my story? My story is, I'm the wake-up bell. I'm saying, hello, hello. And then my story is, you woke up. And now my story is, what are you doing? What's your action? What's your intention? What's your action? And while I'm doing that, I should have the light back on me, what's my action? Do I think I'm helping this person? Do I want to help this person? I do. I do. But that's just a story. And so I'm not holding on to, I'm wanting to help. I'm not even holding on to, I am helping. But if I don't hold on to that I am helping, or that I'm not helping, because I study I am helping, I'm not helping, then my eyes open to see how we are helping each other.

[41:20]

And to see this is called enlightenment. And with this enlightenment, then we can you know, join the dance of the Buddha way. Or rather, joining the dance is the Buddha way. So the Buddha way can be realized by this study. We can realize the leaping and the happiness that comes through studying our karma, which is our problem And if we study it, we'll be free of this basic problem, this basic storytelling, which we must do. And we must do it if we want happiness. And we do want happiness, but we we still sometimes have a hard time doing what's necessary because of the consequence of quite a few moments of not doing that in the past.

[42:28]

So we have a habit of not turning the light around and looking at how we see our relationship. We have a tendency to see what we're related to rather than see that we have a story of that. So that habit makes it hard for us to be aware of what I'm doing. But it's possible to develop a new way that gradually can become more and more predominant. But it's hard. the more I study the story that I practice on my own, that I have to do the practice by myself, the more I study that story, the more I see that I'm not practicing by myself, but through the support of all of you.

[43:37]

The more I study the story, the more I don't study the story that I'm doing my practice, the more I don't study the story of I'm doing my practice, that I'm practicing Zen, the more I don't look at that, The more I believe it, the more I hold on to it, the more I don't see how you're helping me. And then practice is really hard. So to some extent we think practice is hard because we kind of think we have to do it on our own. But the more I look at how heavy it is to think that I have to do it on my own, the more I see how heavy it is, the more I say, uh-uh, I ain't doing that kind of practice anymore. I'm doing the practice of everybody helping me. That's much easier. In fact, it's easier because it's the way things are. The practice I'm actually doing, you are supporting me to do.

[44:41]

Thank you. Okay. No, not yet, Grace. Wait, wait, wait. I apologize for not having any new songs today. And yet, even though I don't have any new songs, I wonder if you'd like to hear an old song. Nobody said no? A few people, like six people said yes. The other people are neutral. Is it okay? Okay. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[45:46]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I can do what I want. I'm on, let's see. I can do what I want. I got a mind of my own. Don't need anybody else. Gave myself a good talking to. No more being a fool for you. But then I see you and I remember how you make me want to surrender to boot away. Laughter You're taking myself away, boot away. You're making me want to stay and boot away. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[46:49]

I had the story that I was very gratified to see Maya laugh. I don't know why I love you like I do. I don't know why I just do. And Johnny takes that And staying in the present as often as possible, or hopefully, possibly, I have noticed that My intentions change very, very fast and very often.

[47:55]

There's something amorphous and indistinct that gets to be a little bit boring, and then I fall off. observing until there's something that sort of awakens me again and tries to stay with that. Could you hear what she said? She aspires to be present continuously. Continuously. But then she notices that she kind of falls off that presence for various reasons. You know, for example, boredom is like, when boredom comes, it's hard to, like, be present with boredom.

[49:06]

Boredom is a very challenging thing to be present with. It's easier maybe to be present with something that's, like, maybe lust might be easier to be present with. But then you might find actually that's kind of difficult too, to actually be present with lust. But boredom, you might think, actually boredom is hard to be present with. So that's another challenge. Boredom often comes... after you've been able to be present with more exciting situations, then boredom comes as the next level of challenge. So anyway, this is typical. And I would just say to you that I remember one very important Zen teacher said that when he was 65 and he started practicing when he was a teenager, that when he was 65, he finally was able to be present every moment of the day.

[50:07]

So after practicing for about 50 years, really exceptionally wholeheartedly, he finally was able to be continuously present. So I don't say that to let yourself off, but rather realize that you're talking about a level of training that takes many years. And so be patient doesn't mean say, okay, it doesn't matter. It means be present with the pain of not being present. If you wish to be present and you're not, you feel a little uncomfortable, and then be present with the pain of your discomfort of being not present, and then you're present again. So practice patience with your current level of mindfulness and presence, and then you're back on the job again. Practice patience with it if you're uncomfortable with how seldom you are.

[51:13]

If you're present and you're happy, clap your hands. If you're not present and it's painful, practice patience. Catherine, did you have something? Is the fear that you've used, you've indicated, motivates the construction of stories? Is that fear a consequence of karma? Yeah. And is fear or that kind of fear the only motivating source for the construction of those stories? Could you hear the question? No. She said, is the fear of immediate experience, you know, does that motivate the construction of stories to cope with the immediate experience?

[52:18]

Yes. Then she says, is there some other factors motivating the construction of interpretations of this immediacy? And yes. desire, and particularly desire for the immediate experience, which is very rich and alive. So we're in immediate experience every moment, and we have been from beginningless time, and we've been distancing ourselves from it out of fear and out of out of what? Out of desire. And the desire comes from past distant things which have created a sense of alienation or exile from this vivid realm. So we desire to return to it and we also are afraid to return to it.

[53:23]

So we both desire and fear the actual flux which is of the dance. And the desire and the fear are karmic consequences. And they're karmic consequences. And one wants to know, well, how did it start? But starting is another way of coping with a situation that doesn't have starts and finishes. It's another coping mechanism, which again creates a sense of isolation from a beginningless process, and then we yearn to get back to a beginningless process that we projected beginnings and ends onto, which then, you know, make it poor of its actual ungraspable, you know, unbeginning, you can't make it have a beginning on it. But then we yearn for the beginningless after we create a beginning. And then when we get closer to it, we feel afraid of it.

[54:26]

So that's an unenlightened way of dealing with it. But if we can study the the derivative situation of the storytelling, it gets us ready to be able to understand that and then understand the original immediate experience. And with understanding, we're not afraid of it. There are some other ways of constructing stories that seem maybe more playful. But maybe there's just variations of desire and fear, curiosity and imagination. Yes, right. There are ways that maybe would help you have a sense of the tentative, provisional quality of these constructions, that actually you're just trying something out. as a coping mechanism, but then you forget that you're just trying this out.

[55:35]

And so then you're caught by it more. But by study you realize, originally this was just a construction tentatively, an experiment, and now it's become an establishment. So being relaxed And practicing being relaxed and dash tranquil in this process opens us up to being able to play with it. And being able to play with it means that we actually consider the possibility that we are, as someone said, the walrus, that we are a jerk, that we are wrong. that we like to do what we don't like to do. Like that story I often tell about my wife and I going out for dinner with another couple who had us over, and the husband of the couple

[56:39]

The male husband. My wife asked him, you know, what Irvine, California is like, because he works there. And he said, it's beautiful. And his wife says, it's ugly. My wife turns to me and says, you should learn that. Oh, I skipped a step. Oh, he says, he says, it's beautiful. His wife says, it's ugly. He says, it's ugly. And then my wife says to me, you should learn that. So if you're relaxed and somebody tries to change your story, you go, okay. Of course, you still have the story. The story's still there. It did happen. and you did make it, and you might have thought it was true when you told it, but the fact that you can say, I don't have that story, helps you maybe not think it's so true, even though I still kind of think that's a better story than the one you told me to tell.

[57:47]

The main thing is, don't attach to your stories. And being relaxed makes you more able to not attach to them. So that's why I didn't mention it today, but practicing tranquility is a kind of a ground for being able to study stories and consider the possibility that they're just stories. Study your interpretation and be open to the fact that since it's an interpretation it's not really what's happening, it's just an interpretation which I need but I don't have to hold onto interpretations as being something more than that because I'm playful. And also if you're playful then you enter into creativity with the stories And then you again return to where they're being made and how they're being made provisionally, creatively, and then that opens you up to understanding again. Okay? Thank you. Yes? I've been reflecting on bodhicitta, the thought of enlightenment, or body-mind, or establishment of body-mind, and

[58:59]

the story I have right now is that it's a breaking through of the river. And I wanted to hear how bodhicitta, how it fits in this conversation. Okay, so bodhicitta arises, you know, generally speaking, we're interacting with the with the universe. We're interacting with the living and non-living universe. And sometimes we start interacting with awakened ones. When we're interacting with awakened ones, a special mind arises called the mind, the cognition of awakening. So that particular special mind which is very influential and encouraging to the practice, arises in communion or dancing with Buddhas.

[60:04]

And Buddhas are everywhere all the time, but again, somehow it isn't always the case that people have enough intensity of their dance with Buddhas for this cognition to arise. Just like we live in a world with lots of electromagnetic radiation, But the combination of our sense organs availability and the radiation doesn't always give rise to, for example, the perception of color. Does that make sense? We're not always seeing color. We see it often, usually, like in one minute we see gazillions of moments of color, but we also have sounds, smells, tastes, tangibles, and many thoughts in a minute. Many. And the factors that determine what kind of cognition arises depend on our sensory readiness and capacity and also the intensity of the stimulation.

[61:10]

Buddhas are in the world with us, but our mind's openness to it our mind's readiness to interact with them goes through changes, and the Buddha's intensity of relating goes through changes. But sometimes we're ready, the stimulation occurs, and this thought of wishing to realize awakening for the welfare of the world, it arises. But that's how it arises. Same way as the other ones, but with a special stimulus and a special type of openness. So like your eye, whatever kind of organ it is, when it's stimulated, it can't receive new information. It has to take a rest. So when the retina gets turned on, sufficiently strong to give rise to the kind of energy that causes us to cognize color, at that moment, radiation is still coming into the eye, but it can't turn the receptors on again because they're turned on already.

[62:15]

So at that time, you can't get more get to rest a little while, get to recover. That's the same with all of our senses, both physical and mental. And to be open to Buddha is again partly to do with whether you've been studying your karma. If somehow you've been paying attention to your karma, and able to then therefore be somewhat skillful in the process, that tends to make you more willing to open to this communion with the awakened ones. And then in that communion, if it's strong enough, this thing arises, which doesn't happen all the time to all living beings. But it can happen. And it can be cared for after that. And one of the main ways to care for it is study your action. That's one of the main ways to take care of it. Okay? Yes? Yes?

[63:17]

That's just the way it is. What makes some minds ready versus not? Where does that readiness come from? What determines it? Well, the whole universe determines it. And in particular, the part that you can see, actually, which is like conscious, is part of it, is your actual intention, your actual story. The whole universe is not your story, but the whole universe contributes to you being alive and makes you a conscious being. And a conscious being has the ability to have an active consciousness, active consciousness, karmic consciousness. And such beings can, either in this life or previously, have encouragement to pay attention to these stories and study these stories. and notice whether you're doing something that's skillful or unskillful or how it relates to instructions you receive from your parents and so on and so forth.

[64:28]

Paying attention tends to make us open to receiving more information and letting our stories change and letting our intentions change so that a new intention can arise that never arose before. But the stories we have is that this wonderful intention to live for the welfare of all beings and become enlightened in order to fully do that, this is a story we generally tell. And the way of meeting Buddha can be that you can see someone being kind, you know? Like, you see someone who's being, people are being mean to her, and she comes back with kindness, and you go, that's cool. In some sense, you're communing with Buddha. That's cool, and I want to be like that. So you open to Buddha a little bit to be able to appreciate somebody's kindness. Some people might see that and not appreciate it. They might say, why isn't she being kind to me? So they're not open to how wonderful she is being kind to somebody else.

[65:34]

So because of that background of being concerned with whether they're getting the kindness, that pattern, being caught by that story rather than, that's a funny story, me being concerned about being kind to me. Actually, I could be concerned about how wonderfully she's kind of there. That awareness of your stories and not being caught by them opens you to appreciate. And then that opens you to maybe like actually see that this Buddha's coming to you through this interaction you're seeing there. And say, I want to be like that. I want to be kind. So that's how I can break through. But self-concern and believing that your story about what's good for you or believing a story about what's not good for you, that can block you from seeing the Buddha who's like knocking at the door all the time. But maybe sometimes the Buddha, for whatever reason, doesn't have enough oomph to break through. So I mentioned last week, even Shakyamuni Buddha, the historical Buddha in India, couldn't get through to everybody.

[66:36]

I mean, some people got to meet Shakyamuni Buddha And he just couldn't, it wasn't in the cards for him to help them. And he couldn't. And some people he repeatedly met and couldn't get through to them. Some people even tried to hurt the Buddha. And he tried to help them not do that, because that wouldn't be good. Not good to hurt Buddhas. And Buddhas try to help you not hurt Buddhas, but if you're on enough of a trip, from your past karma, if you just have a strong enough karmic habit, you can try to hurt someone who is nothing but kindness for you. And then there's consequences. And once you start waking up to the consequences, then you start to open up to the kindness in the universe. Is that enough on that? Yes, Nora? Hi. Hi. I've got a couple, I don't know how to formulate all this, but When you say your story got to you, what do you mean by it got to you?

[67:45]

I arrived from my winter in the Bay Area January 1st from Canada. And all my lunch has been lost since. So I had everything. And last week, I found myself in a shopping mall. I had to buy some clothes. But it was like I was in total disassociation. And I'd also had a romantic loss at the same time. And so I called a friend from Chauvin Mall, and I said, I started crying. She said, oh, and I told her the two things that had happened. And she said, well, it really got to you. And then my girl started crying. It just felt like it really got to me. And that was it. And this is your reward.

[69:18]

And this is your reward. All of a sudden, no belongings, and the person I wanted couldn't have. I had found someone else. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. The self and the story. So studying the story and seeing how you say it gets to you is a good way to find out what the self is. And you say, it got to you, but also you got it. You really like to say, this is really happening. And then you got to see how it feels when you say, this is really happening.

[70:19]

Now, it's harder to see maybe that if it was a happy story and you grabbed it with sufficient strength and it got to you with sufficient strength that you would be equally happy. unfortunate, I'm not unfortunate, but painful situation, and equally cut off. But I would suggest, you know, that's almost the case that the bad stories are almost as bad to hold on to as the good ones, but sometimes not, because sometimes when you're holding on to a bad story, you think, I could let go of this bad. When you're holding on to a good story, you sometimes think, I can let go of this good story. That's one of the things good about good stories, is sometimes you think, I can let go of it. When the good story is taken away. That's one of the bad things about good stories, is that sometimes we really get in trouble when the good story is taken away. And they do get taken away because these stories are not permanent. Anyway, this is a perfect example of like a spiritual crisis.

[71:28]

You know, you did a retreat, so now you get a spiritual crisis as a reward. And crisis means this is the time, this is the opportunity to turn, you know, to leap. There's a chance to leap here. And it's hard to leap. Okay, taking everything away now, what now? Leap. And you're able to face this because of your background. You can see this. And you can see what it's like before you let go, before the letting go occurs, before the turning occurs. You're right there. It can happen any minute now. It's all going to be taken from us. Or we're going to give it all away.

[72:36]

Either way. It can go either way. So it feels like you're in a good place actually. as usual. But you kind of know it. Well, that's the part that's holding back for the turning. No, the part that doesn't think this is a good opportunity. That's somewhat closing to the... Oh, yeah. It's ugly. Well, you know, it's beautiful, it's ugly. But he was able to switch. I myself sometimes am not able to switch, so my wife told me I should learn how to do that. This is terrible. No, it's wonderful. It's wonderful.

[73:39]

But not that it's really wonderful. It's not that it's wonderful. It's to switch from terrible to wonderful and then back from wonderful to terrible. It's the ability to turn That's where the Buddha way is, is in the turning. But we can't turn unless we turn the light back and look at this thoroughly. If you look at this thoroughly, and your main job is to look at this, not to get back in control again, but to look at how you're trying to get in control. Or look at how you lost control. That's the practice. And that's the thread. That's the practice. And, yeah. And that's a story. So I don't want to hold on to that. And be patient if you don't feel quite ready to make the turn. But it could happen right now.

[74:47]

Or later. What do you think? How about now? Huh? I'm ready. Okay. That's it. And keeping ready. Now, are you ready again? Right here, yeah. Huh? What? Right here, yeah. Yeah, right. Are you saying right here, yeah, means when I walk out of here it might be harder? Yeah, exactly. That's true. It's easy to forget this place where your life is or where my life is. It's easy to forget it. But here it is. You are alive. We are alive together. We're helping each other right now. And it's easy to forget this. That's what you asked this morning when people came, what this story was.

[75:51]

Well, mine is to be reminded. Thanks for coming. Anything else? Yes? What we talked about earlier was, and I'm probably bad at paraphrasing, but we're always helping others and others are always helping us. How do we... Hold on to that idea when... Don't hold on to it. Okay. How do we practice that idea when, let's say, the actions of others contradict that reality? How do I practice that when I look at someone and think they're not helping me? Well, one way is I say, I have a story that he's not helping me.

[76:55]

I have that story. Sometimes that's enough. And I don't necessarily switch to this story. He is helping me. I don't necessarily switch to that one. But I could. I mean, that story could come. He is helping me. Or I say to somebody, he's not helping me, and somebody else says, yes he is, and I say, yes he is. But it's not so much yes he is, but that I switch from he isn't to he is. The way he really is, I can't see until I start turning. So when somebody is insulting me, being mean to me, and I have that story. And maybe other people say, yeah, he is being mean to you, and he says, yes, I am trying to be mean to you. So everybody's got a similar story in this neighborhood. And everybody has the opportunity that has that story to, like, remember it's a story and see it.

[77:58]

And if it keeps happening, to keep looking at it as a story. Keep looking at it as a story. Keep looking at it as... my cognitive representation of my relationship with somebody. It's not the actual relationship. It's my version of it, which in this case is called, he's not helping me. That's the story. And I don't want to help him, maybe. But it could be, I do want to help him, and he doesn't want to help me. That could be that one, too. I really do. I have a story. I want to help him, he doesn't want to help me. Or I am helping him. and he isn't helping me. I'm suggesting, giving close attention to that particular story, you will see that there's no self, there's no abiding self to the story, these people aren't helping me, or this person's not helping me, or I'm not helping, or I don't want to help.

[78:59]

You will see that it's insubstantial. And it isn't the same as the actual relationship. And if you can open to that, you can open to something else. Namely, the reality that we are helped and we are helping. We don't make that reality, we open to it, and when you see it, you feel differently. Looks like you're... Do you have something more to say? So I guess whether or not we perceive someone to be helping us, he or she is. Correct. I mean, they're helping us like they're giving us life. We are born in dependence on them, and they are born in dependence on us. And they contribute to us being a person who can imagine how we're related.

[80:03]

We imagine how we're related to each other. We use our mind to create a way we're related. We are related, but the way we're related is ungraspable. It's not a package. It's not a story. It's too complex for any cognitive representation to get it. And then we get scared, you know. And so then we distance ourselves. Or we come to it already, you know, with a sense of separation from the actual relationship. And then we yearn for that real relationship. So we desire to get back to it or we're pushing it away. And one of the main ways we push it away is by telling a story about it inside and then putting it outside and then interacting with each other. So I'm saying studying the way we try to get a hold of what's going on will lead us to become free of this process of trying to get holding on. And return us to the realm where we actually are born together with everybody and everything.

[81:13]

And we die together with everything. Every moment we're born together and every moment we die together. This is a process. And I actually It's not even that we're born and died together, but rather that we come to be together, and then we come to be together. And birth and death is actually the result of our stories upon that. Because we can get a hold of birth and death, which is a consequence of our storytelling. Without the storytelling, things are originally not born and don't die. But they come to be, but not really like born. Yes? Did you have your hand raised? No? Maybe it was Miyoki. There was no hand over there? You're just scratching your nose, maybe. Yeah, I see the other people, but when Maya raises her hand. Yes? Lauren and Judy? There are just two things I want to make sure I understand. Is it that consciousness... Consciousness can only come forth when there are sense receptors and sense objects.

[82:31]

Does that make sense? Yep. And so then, is it just the nature of our particular human sense organs that the way we cognize sensory data is such that we have this imagination that we're separated. That's just the nature. No, I think other animals can do karma in the sense that they also can interpret. But the way they interpret is different from us. And one of the main differences is our language. The way we interpret makes possible language, and language influences the way we interpret. So the way we interpret is our kind of family style, our human thing. So we interpret in a different way. But I think other animals also interpret their direct experience, in that they're capable of conception. They're capable in the sense of separation. I think so. They seem to. They seem to be afraid, like us.

[83:38]

Well, it's not, you know, in a sense it does, if you look at the way the sense organs operate, in a sense they set a template for the mental construction of separation. Actually, sense organs are not separate from the sense field because there is no sense organ existing when it's not operating. So if you have around your eyeball, there's the capacity to be sensitive to a certain type of radiation. But when your sensitivity isn't turned on, the eye organ doesn't exist. The eyeball isn't the eye organ. The eye organ is the responsiveness of the tissue to this energy, this physical energy of a certain type of radiation. Other types of radiation touch the eye organ, go through, I shouldn't say, go through the eyeball, but the eyeball doesn't get turned on.

[84:47]

So at that time there's no eye organ. So eye organ actually is not separate from the sensible. It's a dance. It comes alive when it's touched. And also the electromagnetic radiation is not color until it hits a human eye and gets interpreted a certain way. So they're not actually separate, but you can see a kind of a justification for imagining separateness in the way it happens, because there's two. There's two things, two types of physicality, one that's gross and one that's subtle. The capacity is more subtle than the energy. So they're not separate, but they set up, you could say, a kind of justification for imagining these two things are separate, which is the dance then of their interaction comes with the ability to imagine that the eye and the light are two different things, that the sensitive tissue and what's touching it are two things.

[85:49]

But the ability to dream that up is not because they're separate, but because of their interaction. And the interaction, there's no two in the interaction. The dance is not two things, but it involves partners. So then we can dream this up. We can dream up other things besides separation, too, and so can other animals. But this separation, this thing, this is a way of coping with this dance prior to understanding how it happens. Yeah. To have that story as a way of coping with this dynamism which we don't understand and which we think might be, you know, I don't know, not take care of us. No. Well, actually... Even in the realm of direct perception, because of past ideas of separation, even in that realm of direct perception, still it looks like what we're dancing with is out there separate from us.

[86:56]

It looks like that. We don't have the idea. It's actually immediately feeling like that. And so we want to have something to hold on to, even in direct perception. And the way we do that is we have a way to dream up a story which we think will protect us from this fear. But that fear comes from also past karma of making up a sense of separation so that actually things in direct perception look like they're separate. It's what our partner looks like is separate from us. Without the idea of it, that's one of the effects of past imaginations The tradition is proposing that you can have indirect experience of non-duality and direct experience of non-duality. And also, that by meditating in this way, It's always the case. Every cognition transforms the body, which is part of the basis of the cognition.

[88:04]

When our cognition arises, it transforms the body and it transforms the world. Just the cognition itself. When you work with your cognitions in certain ways, it causes your... Whether you practice with your cognitions or not, your cognition still transforms your nervous system. And when your nervous system transforms, it transforms the world. The world's affected by being perceived, as physicists can tell you. And the way you perceive, the way your cognitive process gets changed when your body changes. And your body changes, your nervous system changes, when you cognize. When you cognize one way, it gets changed one way. When you cognize another way, it gets changed another way. So we actually change our body, which is related to the world, which changes the world, which is related to our body, when we meditate on our cognitions. So eventually you change your direct perceptions, and you change the world, and you change your body by meditation.

[89:14]

And by not meditating, you also change your body. No matter what happens, No matter how you cognize, no matter what kind of consciousness you have, every consciousness has consequence. And particularly, especially, the activity of the consciousness is called karma, and that really has heavy, powerful consequence on the nervous system and on the physical world, and also has a consequence of contributing to further stories of a similar type. This is a proposal which you can check out. You can actually see this part of it. There's a conscious part you can actually meditate on. And you can notice the difference between being aware and not of this activity. Plus there's a background teaching that this transforms your body, your cognitions, your cognitions and your body. And when your body and your cognitions get transformed, the world which is arising with them and which they arise with gets transformed too.

[90:17]

And everybody else in the world all the living people who are having problems, they get transformed so that they can actually receive and just practice too. That's the story. That's the story that I tell to you right now. Yes, Judy? I think it's the same thing, but more simply. So are you saying that if I work on my stories, that the world benefits, even though I don't necessarily believe that the world benefits as much as I would like to believe it could? That's fine. That's fine. If you would work on your story, that the world is not benefited by you working on the story, but you somehow go ahead and work on it anyway, the world is benefited, and so are you. However, most people will not study their stories if they don't think it's helpful. Because generally speaking, people do not study their stories because they don't think it's helpful. Well, at least you would be experimenting with the possibility that being aware of your karma would make you happy, at least.

[91:31]

Or you could have that you think that you paying attention to what you're doing benefits your friends. You can try it out. You say, well, maybe it's so, because some people I know who... I like the way they are. I want to be that way. And they do this study, so maybe, I feel helped by them, and they do this kind of meditation, so maybe if I did it, I would be helpful. Now, if you did this, so then you start doing this meditation called giving close attention to all your actions. Giving close attention to all your intentions. You start doing this meditation. Now, if perhaps you thought, this is totally a waste of time, I don't think it's of any benefit, but I'm going to continue. If you would continue, it would be probably just as beneficial as if you had this other story that it's beneficial. And that you have this new story that is not beneficial, but you subject that also to your close attention and your penetrating insight.

[92:37]

And you see that the story that is not helpful is insubstantial, and the story that it is helpful is insubstantial. In other words, it's not really how it's helpful. It's just a story. But most people will not continue to learn this new trick if they don't think it's helpful. Because they'll just continue their old thing. Since it's not helpful, I just continue my old thing, which I don't care if it's helpful. It's easy anyway. It's painful, but it's easy. And I guess I'd rather have ease do the easy thing, which is painful, than do the hard thing, which is painful. which I understand, I assume will be happy, very happy about if I do, but I'm not yet happy, so I'm not going to do it. Does that make perfect sense? Yeah, great. Yes? Could you say something about trauma?

[93:40]

Trauma. First of all I confess that I I feel it's an area that I have to do more research to speak about. So from what little I understand now, I would say that it may be that if the level of trauma is quite high, that it may be more necessary to do more relaxing work and tranquility work before moving into giving attention to giving attention to our intentions.

[94:43]

Because giving attention to our intentions is insight work. And at the beginning, if you're not calm and you try to do it, you might become agitated. So I guess I might have the feeling that some people, when they try to do... I guess we all have some trauma in our background. But if it's of a certain level and I watch myself or someone else try to observe their intention, and they don't seem to be able to do it, I often would recommend that they put that aside for a while and just try to relax with the intentions that are happening, but not look at them. More like relax with them and just let them be. And accept that they're having a function, but just try to work on relaxing with them. And then, when more calm, then we may be able to now look at them. eventually looking at them is tranquilizing too. But at the beginning, looking at them is a little bit more active than just relaxing with them.

[95:49]

That's what I would say today. But I must admit, I think I need to do more, I need to understand more about trauma. I see, I don't know who was next, but let's try Jerry. Following up on that one, I noticed that My stories have a kind of a hierarchical structure. That's a story too. Yeah, that's a story too. I can look at other people, and some people, there's a sickness and illness as a constant theme in their life, and that doesn't happen to be the case with me. The theme of sickness and illness is not part of your story? Not in the same way. Not both. For some other people, yes. We all are going to die. We have different stories about illness and health. Yes. I notice that the underlying themes of my stories seem to be less visible to me. It's easier to become a little more aware.

[96:51]

Gee, right now, oh, I'm going to impress someone. Or right now, I'm feeling kind of needy. And I sense that somehow if I can get underneath that and understand more truly the theme of that and where that theme came from, that helps me to be aware of not only the theme but all the stories that come from it. Right. And then that what you just said is another cognitive construction. Yes. And if you watch that, that would be good. But if you then... sort of get into that, then you're kind of like losing track of the practice. So I take it what you're saying, the point is to have a constant awareness of the story without trying to figure it out.

[97:53]

It's okay if you have awareness of a story and now we have this new mental construction called figuring it out. Now if you then get into figuring it out without noticing that's another mental construction, then the practice has just slipped away. In other words, you got caught now by this sort of new improved version of intention. So you can have intentions And the intention can include a sense that this awareness of this intention is not very deep. That's also part of this intention. You have a picture of your relationship with people, plus part of the picture is this is a superficial representation. That's also part of it. Then to think, oh, I'd like to go deeper. That's fine. That's another opportunity. That's not the practice, though. That's just another mental construction, which can be observed like the previous one.

[99:00]

This is superficial. Here's the picture. It's superficial. Okay, fine. I want to go deeper. This is a new one, which applies to the old one. But anyway, it's a new one. But then to get caught up in that is just to get caught up in your karma or your mental construction without studying it and realizing that this is the activity of your mind operating now. But usually people are caught up with the activity of mind. They're not aware of it, that it's an experiment that the mind is trying to do to make sense of or cope with perhaps direct experience but also the current stories. And when I listened to you talk, I sense I have a story, that they're with the story, and then they make up another story, and then they get caught by the story and they're not with the story anymore. I have a sense of them being dislocated from the creative process and just being swept away by it, at least for the moment.

[100:10]

Like this is a story, but figuring it out isn't a story. Did you say, ah? Yes. So then if you're aware it's a story, that's good. And not even saying it's a story, but just aware of it. This is provisional. This is a way of coping here. And now I'm going to figure it out, but not noticing that's just another one. But that's a more subtle one. So then you don't get caught by that one. Then a more subtle one comes. So more and more subtle versions are offered to those who understand the gross ones. So your reward for not being caught by a gross story is a more subtle story, which then you get caught by. And stop realizing its provisional nature, its tentative offering, its coping quality. Then the practice temporarily is lost.

[101:13]

Is it inherently frustrating to do that? No, it's not inherently frustrating, but it is essentially liberating. But if you want to be good at it right away, that would be frustrating. If you have a story of, I'm going to learn this quickly, that would set up frustration. And the storytelling is by nature frustrating because The storytelling is not by nature frustrating if at the moment of telling you know it's a story. It becomes frustrating when you forget it's a story and start holding on to it. So telling stories is okay if you let go of them. That's happiness, is telling stories and letting go. Experiencing, making stories of our experience and not being caught by them leads to understanding our experience. That's happiness. But having experience, which we have, telling the stories which we do, and holding on to them, that is unhappiness.

[102:15]

And it has consequence to cause further hobbling of our study and further frustration. Studying the process is liberating. Having a story of how it should go will contribute to frustration. But again, having a story of how it will go just as a tentative thing and then let go of it, that's fun. It is now, according to my watch, getting close to 1240 when I'm asked to stop around 1240 so that the people in this retreat can have lunch. And we apologize to the guests for not giving you lunch today. Please forgive us. Will you forgive us? Just don't let it happen again. Just don't let it happen again? It won't happen again for a year. Huh? They can't even come. You don't get fed and you also can't come and hear the Dharma.

[103:20]

Unless they join the Sashin. So now, Maya, we're going to have a lot of people join the Sashin, but you don't care. So go see May if you want to join Sashin. We'll now have the largest Sashin in history. And if you come to Sashin, we'll feed you. And it's delicious food. Even better than unusual. It's terrific, you know. And plus, we have really nice waiters. What? What did you say? We have door prizes. We've got a lot of stuff here. No choice of menu, you say? Well, shall we eat then? Thank you for coming and being so alert and open-minded about this story telling.

[104:21]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_88.35