I have this feeling that this practice period is very unusual, or just plain unusual, in that it starts out with such a high level of what might be called sickness in the community. Have you ever seen a practice period like this before, with so much sickness at the beginning? partly carrying over from the last practice period, I guess. So it occurs to me that since we're sick, we might as well be here. Because if we left, we'd be sick someplace else then, too. But we have this issue or this condition of illness that we don't take care of right at the beginning.

[01:02]

Oftentimes at the beginning of practice period nobody has illness and then later in the practice period sometimes people get ill, somewhat maybe tired from the illness. Challenges of the practice period of not getting too much sleep and so on. People sometimes get sick. And then they usually recover. So by the end of the practice period, usually people are pretty healthy again. But there's usually some difficulty in the middle. So I don't know what's going to happen this time, but I encourage all of us to be careful and take loving care of your bodily condition so that you will be able to continue to take care of your bodily condition through the practice period.

[02:06]

Also, a number of people ask me ...messages to me before the practice period starts about, is there some books that they could bring to the practice period, or some studying they could do beforehand. I hesitated to say because I didn't know what the situations would be like once we arrived. I didn't know, for example, there would be so much sickness. And I didn't know what the people in this price period would be up for in terms of study. So I didn't want to commit to anything before I arrived. But I did bring with me 60 copies of a number of of scriptures, which we can... I don't know if these will turn out to be the focus of the whole practice period or not, but if they do, that would be fine.

[03:27]

If they don't, something else maybe will be. The scriptures that I brought with me, one is the first scripture, what is considered by most people to be the first scripture of Buddhism, the first talk, the first formal discourse of the Buddha, Dhamma-chakap-pavatthana-sutta, the scripture of Dhamma rolling. That's the first scripture that I brought. And the second one is called the Kacchayana Gota Sutta, which is a discourse to one of Buddha's students. So those are two scriptures that I thought we'd at least be reading and chanting in service occasionally.

[04:31]

You can familiarize yourself with them just by going to service. Also, we have these nice little folders for them, and I thought that everyone could have their own at the end of the practice period. But I didn't make 120 copies, so we can use some in Zendo. We'll put some on reserve here for you to read. I would suggest you... chant it in service, and also that you other times might memorize it. You could also write out your own copy by hand, which is a good thing to do if you're memorizing, to write out a script, a text, with your hand, and better with your feet. then we'll be exposing ourselves to these two teachings. And these teachings are focusing on the, what's called the middle way.

[05:35]

And there's, in a sense, a somewhat different approach to study the middle way. And also I brought with me some of Nagarjuna's teachings. on the middle way. Nagarjuna is what's called the middle way school of Buddhist philosophy. In a sense, the Buddha's first teaching is the middle way teaching, the middle way philosophy, but then Nagarjuna again reiterated this approach in his book, which is called The Fundamental Verses on the Middle Way. So there's some chapters in that which we can look at. In past practice periods, we have chanted in the 24th chapter of these verses.

[06:44]

This time we have, in addition to that, chapter 15 and chapter 18. But other chapters are good too, but we might look at these. We'll see. These scriptures that I mentioned, I don't remember exactly. I don't think the word love or compassion appears in them. I might have missed it, but I don't think those words appear. Love, compassion, kindness, gentleness, sympathy. But in the background of these texts, and at the root of these texts, is compassion and love.

[07:50]

One way to look at these two scriptures is the first one. The first one that Buddha gave is an instruction about how to settle down the conventional phenomena of our life, how to settle into our experience, encouragements to us to not distract ourselves from what's going on. the balanced way of being with our experience. So again, from the beginning of the practice period, I'd like to encourage us to start with a moment-by-moment settling with our observable experience.

[09:23]

But again, in order for us to settle with our moment-by-moment observable experience, I think there has to be some kind of kindness and compassion, because settling with observable experience means settling with, in some cases, discomfort and illness, various kinds of discomfort and illness. necessarily easy to steadily be present with our experience. If we understand that it's really good for everybody for us to do that, and we, as an act of kindness, we take care of being present and aware of what's happening moment by moment, we have a better chance of doing this. deep habits to be distracting ourselves from what's happening, be distracting ourselves from awareness of what's happening.

[10:54]

I suppose most of you know about those. But some of you, some of us, may have these habits of distraction so strong that we don't even know about them. We may not even know that we're distracting ourselves a lot of the time. There are people who have no idea that they're even distracting themselves. It's like, I mean like, They have no idea. They had the totally surprising idea that they would be distracting themselves from what's happening. Give up distraction from what's happening, you start to notice the level of distraction. And these two scriptures are talking about ways we distract and abstract ourselves from our experience with what's happening.

[12:02]

In the first case, in the first scripture, we indulge in, we indulge in, we are devoted to indulgence in sense pleasure. And in the second case, I mean in the second case, we indulge in self-mortification. So there are people I've met who walk around most of the day actually practicing devotion to self-mortification, walking around criticizing themselves all day long, taking negative thoughts about themselves, practicing self-denial and self-criticism all day long. And that is easier. That's a habit. Rather than just feel what it's like to be who they are or what they are. They are devoted to distracting themselves by self-denial, and the other one is distracting themselves from it by indulgence in addiction to sense pleasure, which doesn't mean necessarily that you have sense pleasure, but just that you're always looking for it.

[13:18]

rather than paying attention to what's happening, can distract you from what's happening. Now, if any sense pleasure should happen to arise, then the addiction to sense pleasure would not be that you just feel the sense pleasure and enjoy it. It would be looking at it even while you have it. So, the addiction to sense pleasure is that even when you're having it, you're looking for more or you're worried about it going away because you're using it as an addiction rather than just something to feel. And some people who are aware of this painful situation have told me, I hope you understand that some of us will do anything in order to continue to practice these extremes. We'll do anything in order to continue to practice devotion to addiction to sense pleasure and devotion to self-mortification.

[14:29]

I hope you know that. And when this person told me that, I said, well, I didn't really know that you were that into it. I was worried that some people didn't even know that they were into it. You're telling me that you're aware that you're into it with a vengeance, with a with a frightening intensity, a fierce intensity. And I'm glad you're that aware of it. I appreciate you telling me that. But some people, I think, are not that aware of it, that they're into it. And that's a more dangerous situation. And once again, I didn't ask each person what your intention for the practice period is. So I thought, well, I just hypothetically thought, now if someone was into realizing the middle way, selflessness, then these topics that I brought up would be appropriate for such a person.

[15:49]

And in practicing kindness and compassion toward yourself and others would be appropriate for you if you wanted to realize the middle way. If someone wanted to, I don't know what, what's the word, perversely, if someone wanted to be unhappy and cause unhappiness to others, then practicing kindness toward yourself and compassion toward yourself and others wouldn't be apropos of that agenda. And also, I don't think anybody really does want to be unhappy, but if you said you wanted to be unhappy, then I guess awareness that you want to be unhappy and awareness that you want to not be kind to yourself, that wouldn't necessarily apply either.

[17:04]

So to be cruel to yourself without awareness probably would go fairly well with being unhappy. But anyway, if someone told me that they wanted to be unhappy and they didn't want to be aware of what they do to be unhappy, it probably wouldn't make sense that they would tell me that either, so probably they shouldn't tell me that. And they didn't want me to help them do that either, because if I was helping them that would hinder them. If I was always walking with them saying, now remember to not be aware that you're doing things to harm yourself. In my case, in relationship to me, then anybody who wanted to be unhappy, it would be a good idea if they wouldn't tell me about that, because even the act of telling me would undermine the process, because that would bring some awareness to this path of cruelty. I guess the best thing to do is, if you want to be unhappy, then just don't tell me or anybody else about it, including yourself.

[18:09]

And don't pay attention to what's going on and distract yourself from your experience, and you will be successful. You even heard that, and just go along with your habits of doing those things anyway. And probably good to stay at Tassajara, though, even if you're on that path because you're surrounded by all this illness. On the other hand, if you wish to realize freedom from self-concern and freedom from the anxiety that goes with that, then admitting it to yourself and admitting it to others will increase your awareness of the process and will be conducive to liberation from self-concern and the anxiety that goes with that. If you do fall into the general rubric, I mean, if your motivation or your interest does fall into the general heading of wanting to realize peace and happiness for yourself and others, then I would encourage you to make that known to yourself.

[20:18]

If that's what you feel, I would suggest you tell yourself that. And I would suggest you tell anybody else that you think would be up for hearing about that. And then after they hear that, they may have some questions for you about how you're going to proceed. And then you could tell them how you're going to proceed. And if they didn't understand how you're going to proceed, then they could ask you questions because of their lack of understanding, and you could explain to them. And as you explain to them how you're going to proceed, you'll become clearer about how to proceed with this path of compassion and freedom and peace. Perhaps in the discussions you'll become clearer and clearer, and that will be helpful to you in your practice. You can also, if you're not sure, you can also ask yourself, what is your motivation, what is your intention for this life, for today, for this three-month period?

[21:46]

You can ask yourself, and maybe you won't get an answer. But that still would, I think, be good to ask, and find out that you don't know the answer to the question. keep looking and asking. See if you can find your, you know, your central point of reference for your life. And then, and then do what is appropriate once you find it. And also, if you don't find it, do what's appropriate if you don't find it. Is everything I said really clear?

[22:46]

Check. Check. Any comments? Questions? Problems? Yes? About happiness and unhappiness, I notice that I have a preconception that happiness and contentment are states of mind that come up more or less accidentally and go away more or less accidentally. But I don't know how they come up or go away. And I notice that's my preconception.

[23:53]

But when I practice, I think of happiness and contentment as practices. I wonder if you could comment on this. Sometimes you think about the word happiness and the word contentment and you see them as states of mind that arise and cease. More or less accidentally. Which you have no control over. That's the preconception. That's your preconception? Well, I think, has anybody else ever had some happiness arise and cease? Has that ever happened to anybody? So, Vicky has said that she has a preconception that there's a thing that she calls happiness that arises and ceases. Is that right?

[24:55]

But you actually wouldn't have to have a preconception about that. Notice, maybe you have noticed that some kind of state of mind, which you call happiness, has arisen and ceased in your life. Okay? You could, I mean, you wouldn't have to have a preconception about that. That could just be something that you just told us that you've experienced. That happens too. Huh? That happens too. That could be the case too, yeah. So, yeah, so there it is, something which... You know, you're sitting there, standing there on the planet, and suddenly you just say, well, what can I say? This seems to be happiness. It seems to be a psychophysical event. I mean, I feel it. It's like something I'm aware of, and I feel it in my body, and it's a body-mind thing, and I'll call it happiness, and there's a reason now it has ceased. You don't need a preconception that something like that might happen, but you could actually observe it. I would suggest that you can see this thing happening.

[25:58]

That without the preconception that you can't control the arising and ceasing of such states, which generally fall under happiness or contentment, without the preconception that you can't control their arising and ceasing, you might be able to observe whether you can control them. I suggest that you put the preconception that you can't control your states of happiness arising and ceasing, just put that on the side, the preconception that you can't control it. And actually give up the idea that you're trying to control it. If you had the preconception, you might say, well, then it would help me give it up. Well, maybe so. But whether you have the preconception that you can't give up trying to control the comings and goings of happiness, I would suggest you give it up.

[27:03]

Give up trying to control. And I would also suggest that you see what happens when you give up trying to control. Another experiment is continue to try to control and see what happens then. So that's fine. But I would suggest that you're already doing that, probably to some extent. You're trying to control the arising of happiness and not the ceasing of it. That's this addiction to sense pleasure, which is well established in the community. If that's happening, then pay attention to that. That's based on the preconception that you can control it. Now, there's another preconception that you can't control it. I would suggest that you don't fight either of those preconceptions. But observe what it is like if one of them are in control, or not in control, but are the fact of the situation.

[28:07]

If you're living under the burden of the preconception of trying to control, see what that's like. If you're living under the burden of the preconception you can't control, see what that's like. The possibility of giving up both preconceptions and just letting happiness come and go. letting these so-called states of mind arise and cease. That's the first part of my response. Did you have another part to that? Was there another aspect to your question? that when I'm practicing, contentment is part of the practice. Oh yeah, and you can see them as practices rather than you're trying to control them. You can see them as practices. The practice of happiness or the practice of contentment as practices. And you can do them as practices without making these practices into ways of controlling their arising and ceasing.

[29:15]

Right? So you can practice contentment without having the practice of contentment being trying to control the arising of contentment. And I would suggest to you that practicing contentment, where that practice is really not trying to make contentment arise and really not trying to make contentment last when it arises, That way of practicing contentment, I would say, is coherent. To try to practice contentment in order to make contentment happen is incoherent. It will create discontent. Does that make sense? So the practice of contentment is to give up trying to make contentment happen. The practice of contentment is that when it arises, you say, excuse me for saying so, but you say, thank you very much, I have no complaint whatsoever about this contentment.

[30:29]

And when the contentment ceases, you say, thank you very much, I have no complaint whatsoever about this ceasing. It would follow that you would, yes, it would follow that you'd still be content. Exactly. You could also be content with the discontent, but in this case we don't have... No, but in this case we don't have any discontent. We're talking about contentment in this case. Okay? Right? The ceasing of contentment is, Rosie, my dear, not discontent. It is not. It only could be incoherently. The ceasing, the arising of discontent is not the ceasing of A lot of people walk around a good share of their life with the ceasing of content and not the rising of discontent. There are such people. You know, there's big spaces between the ceasing of the content and the rising of the discontent.

[31:36]

And in the space between, there's what's called the middle ways being practiced. There's no discontent arising. However, when discontent arises, when a state of mind called, quotes, this is discontent, It arises. Boom. Here it comes. Discontent. Here it comes. Whoop. It's gone up there. To practice content with that means you say, thank you very much, I have no complaint whatsoever. The arising of this discontent. And now the discontent is ceasing. It's going away. You watch it go away. Same practice. That's a practice of contentment. And that's a practice of happiness. So, the arising and ceasing of phenomena At the limits of practice, there's just the arising and ceasing of phenomenon. That's it. And that is the practice of happiness. In the meantime, you might try to practice being content with what's happening.

[32:39]

There's no separation between the meditator and the arisings and ceasings of events. Yes? So you don't know what it is, okay? So, this way of practice is the middle way, okay? And the middle way is basically, I mean, the middle way is ultimately emptiness. It's not a thing. This way of being with things, Not another one of those things. But it's not nothing, either. But when we talk about it, now I'm talking about it, right? Then it's like, I'm talking about this practice, right? We're talking about the middle way, and you don't know what this way is. For now, it's me talking about it and you listening to it.

[33:45]

But that's not what it is. That's just the way we're talking about it. Actually, this way of being with things is selflessness. It's emptiness. The middle way is emptiness, ultimately. But conventionally, the middle way of how to practice is such a way that you can be with what's happening in this middle way. So when we talk about being with the arising and ceasing of phenomena without trying to control them, and without indulging in these distractions, that's not another thing that you grasp onto and then you're that way. So avoiding extremes is not another thing. It's a, you know, it's a, it's dependent co-arising.

[34:51]

So it's not a thing and it's not nothing. It's like this tremendous, you know, interaction. It's the situation of interdependence, but interdependence is not a thing. But it's not nothing because it's all these interdependent things being interdependent. And entering into that way of the middle way. And it's not this, and it's not that, [...] but it's not then something else. First of all, just being settled with what's happening, being settled with experience moment by moment, which in experiences arise and cease. They're dependent on various conditions for their arising, and when those conditions change, they no longer can then cease.

[35:55]

So you don't know what that is, that way of being. Knowing what it is would be, would be having this theory about what it is. And or she said, I don't know what it is. Another thing that people would say is, I don't know how to do that. So in other words, when you hear this kind of structure, you don't know how to introduce a self into the process and have the self do this. And if you try, that's okay, but you'll see how that works. And that also will create a disturbance if you try to introduce a self into this process which you've made into a thing which a self can then operate on. Yes? I know for myself it's really important to have faith. I don't know if I could do this practice or not, or whether I knew what it was or not.

[37:06]

So at some point, just to really have faith that this thing that we're talking about is there, believing that I am feeling like I'm listening to you, that's why I'm not doing whatever it is I think I'm supposed to do. I think they're happy, they're pleased. The faith that's almost relevant in the sense of it, the faith that I shouldn't be discouraged by that, and I should continue regardless. It's really helpful for me, you know, to find it. It's a lot to do as it is. Thank you for that. May I respond to that? Or do you want that just to stand as a statement? Which way do you prefer? Take your time. Well, how is it to be content with discontent?

[38:10]

It seems like it's almost like a separation with your own experience. And I know it's not the way it's meant. Exactly. It's exactly the opposite of that. It's not being separate from your experience. That's exactly what it is. If you're feeling discontent, then contentment is to not be separate from it. It's to be completely discontent. Yes. It's to be the completeness of discontent. It's to be the totality of discontent. How could I be content? How could you be content? The totality of everything is contentment. So, if you have contentment, but you feel separate from your contentment, you've isolated yourself from the totality of the phenomena called contentment, you're discontent.

[39:18]

You have contentment, but it's being eroded by your sense of separation. You're afraid of what's going to happen. You're going to lose it. You're lacking. You've got contentment, but you feel lacking at the same time. You're scared it's going to end. You're scared somebody's going to take it from you. You're scared somebody's going to be jealous of you. Because you shouldn't be having discontentment. Because you've got this self, this free-floating self here, and the contentment. So this is not full contentment. Now, if you have discontentment and the same kind of separation, well, then you maybe have good old discontentment. But if you took the totality of that experience, in the totality of the experience of discontentment, there's no discontent about that. The entire universe has successfully accomplished this phenomenon, which is a pure experience. And what's the middle way there?

[40:25]

It's being with that discontent without distracting yourself from it by looking for some contentment. or mortifying yourself in the midst of that experience. That's the first sutra. It's the first way the Buddha taught the Middle Way. And the second way is that you would experience this discontent while letting go of all views, existence and non-existence of this discontent. And in experiencing and being with the totality of something, you're not abstracted from the experience so that you can have theories about it. Then you practice the middle way with this experience. And the middle way is contentment.

[41:27]

It is contentment. It is peace. It is nirvana. It is insight. And it means that it can happen no matter what phenomenon is arising. What? You cannot do this. I find this difficult to do. I would say it is impossible for me to do this. This is not something done by a self separate from the universe. There's no self visiting the universe. from the outside. In the middle way, there's not a person who's practicing the middle way. With whatever is happening. Yes. Yes. What I have been experiencing very strongly during the last few months is that all I really need to do is practice.

[42:33]

You've been experiencing... What I really need to do is to do the very simple practice of paying attention. And as I'm doing that, some of these things are actually happening by themselves that you're talking about. Yes. And what I experience is a shift in the direction of that middle way. Mm-hmm. Without trying. Mm-hmm. And just by giving up that intellectual... mind, the controlling mind. Good. Great. Are you okay? Good. Yes? In your conversation with Jerome, I find an image arises in my mind when I think about being content with discontent. The image is something like, you know, it's another one of those called mornings, and I'm just going, oh, it's not.

[43:41]

I can't stand it. And it's like with no interruption and no commentary. And so I'm wanting to ask you, is that what we're talking about? It's right there. It's not someplace else. So, like, you know, I thought of that story of, what's his name? Shrensha. Shrensha, when he was, when he left his teacher and he was going off on pilgrimage. He was going to go off and study. He'd been studying with his teacher. Who was his teacher? Sepo? Shrephong? Was that his teacher? Hmm? It is or it isn't, right? What do you think? Is that his teacher, Setpo? Yeah, so he had this great teacher and he said goodbye to his teacher and couldn't go off on a pilgrimage. So he's walking down the hill from the monastery and he stubs his toe. And I guess he really stubs his toe because it was like started bleeding.

[44:44]

And in the midst of great pain he said something like... How could this be happening? And he understood, you know, how it could be happening. But like he wasn't like, he was like really in pain, you know. So you get up in the morning and you stub yourself on the cold. And you have this, your body goes, your body and mind go, yikes, you know. And then in the middle of that, how is this happening? How is this happening? How could this be happening? Now that's not something in addition to what's happening, you're just like... This is happening, you know, there you are screaming about this cold. Maybe your hand's in your face. Maybe your face is in your hand. But anyway, there you are. And you sort of, there's this wonder about what's going on.

[45:48]

How is this happening? But that's not wonder. It's not someplace else. You don't go someplace else and wonder. You're right there in the cold. But you're right there in the cold. There in the cold. There's no more to it than that. It's there. Does anybody know of another practice besides being there with that? You a while ago? You were? Okay. Going back to what Lukey said about practice of contemplation, would you say that the same is practice of equanimity? Well, they're related, but practice of equanimity, well, let's just talk about equanimity. Equanimity, when it's is that you see, for example, the way that contentment and discontentment are the same. You understand that?

[46:48]

That's one aspect of realizing equanimity. Another aspect of realizing equanimity is you do not prefer contentment over discontentment. Now, when you don't prefer contentment over discontentment, that kind of equanimity, that's very close to practicing contentment. So, the practice of equanimity and the practice of contentment are closely related. And I think that to realize contentment, you need to see the similarity between discontent and contentment. For, you know, real dependable contentment will be when you understand that it has this quality of being selfless. In other words, no matter what's happening, you see, oh, thank you very much. You're getting another lesson in the middle way.

[47:51]

Every phenomena that comes to you teaches you Buddhadharma. It's another example of the middle way. It's another example of the teaching of emptiness. It's another example of the pentacle arising. It's another example of the Eightfold Path. The dharma is coming at you through this phenomena. All dharmas have the same quality of teaching you the Buddhadharma. No dharma doesn't teach you Buddhadharma. in a sense that's equanimity because you see so then you don't have any prescience at that point because you're happy to receive this current dharma installment and that would be if you were practicing that way the heart and mind would be content but you know this is like ultimate contentment. In the meantime, before we can actually see and understand that everything is Buddha Dharma, maybe we're struggling with admitting that we still have preferences, but we're realizing that this is something we watch our preferences arise and cease.

[49:04]

But we're still sort of like pushed around by them somewhat. We're still like leaning towards our preferences and leaning away from some things we don't like. But watching that is contentment. Or watching that with no sense of trying to make it go differently, that would again bring us back to practicing contentment and equanimity. And this is an aspect of love. This is an aspect of the grind of realizing the middle way. Was anybody else ahead of me? No, he was quite new. I don't know if I missed any other people. No? Okay, yes? On the questionnaire form for the practice period, it asked me what my intention was. I wrote, to be present. And it's interesting because the whole concept of being present is something that's sort of unusual because, you know, we're talking about distracting ourselves.

[50:13]

I'm having sort of a difficult experience trying to figure out exactly what does it mean to be present wandering. Does that mean you're not present? When I sit zazering, I thought I was doing Zazen quote-unquote right by just not even trying to meddle with anything that was happening during Zazen, by just sitting there maintaining upright and just allowing whatever happens to happen and not really trying to meddle with it. And so sometimes I'll be sitting there and I'll spend a good deal of a period just mind is completely wandering, doing interesting things. Sometimes it's really lucid. I don't fully feel like I'm here, but I'm also here. But I'm just present. And I sit still with that. And I feel like, well, that's maybe being present. Yeah, it sounds like that. But there's this perception that I should be doing something. And when the perception of I should be doing something arises, what is the practice at that time?

[51:18]

I just... And I say, you know... this is what I'm doing. I'm sitting here and I'm being still and I'm just sort of almost like a spectator to my mind. Well, just a second, you left out something in your response. Do you realize what you left out? No. I should be doing something different. You left that part out. That was what we're talking about. How come you left it out? Where'd you go? And when there's no screws, what's the practice? Would someone please pass me his application?

[52:23]

Did you get that application notarized? No, I don't think it's notarized. I don't think I'm really supposed to be here. Would you like to write that down and have that notarized? That you don't think you're supposed to be here? Hmm? okay right of town we'll have it notarized you don't think you're supposed to be here so we have we have one notarized statement we'll have a notarized statement by Noah saying I don't think I'm supposed to be here I just wrote down that his intention was to be present yeah but that wasn't notarized so we could have two notarized statements one is I don't think I'm supposed to be here and the other one is I want to be here okay I want to be present. That's your intention. But then where did that thing come from? I don't think I'm supposed to be here. Where did that come from?

[53:23]

Where did that come from? Huh? Left field. Left field and what if, you know, left field, yeah. That's good enough, I guess. That's called karmic consciousness. Karmic consciousness, I'm not supposed to be here. I don't think about this. So we come, people come to be, you know, as they develop, they develop this idea which is going on most of the time, something else is, something else should be happening. I should be doing something different. I'm not supposed to be here. So if you're just being present, and then you have this thought, I should be doing something different. If somebody comes up to you when you're being present and says, no, you should be doing something different, you would probably say, you know, I had the same thought myself. I agree with you. I think I should be doing something different. I signed up for this thing about being present, but actually I think it's kind of bunk. I made this great intention to be present, but most of the time I think I should be doing something different.

[54:24]

Right? Or, you know, most. Maybe somebody's doing a census of these states, and you can find out that if more than half the time you think you should be doing something different. I actually kept track and I found this. I was thinking I should be doing something different, even though somehow something came out of my mouth at the beginning of the practice period. I said I wanted to be present. I don't know where I heard that or where that came from. Maybe I heard maybe some Zen master said that and I thought, yeah, that's great, I'm going to do that. But be present where? You know, be present where? With, you know, in what situation? Be present in nothing? Or be present in what's happening? Be present with what's happening, right? And what's happening often is the thought, the body, I should be doing something different. And the practice you said you wanted to do, which was you want to be present with what's happening, so then you can be present with this thought, I should be doing something different.

[55:36]

No. Turns out, at the end of the story, that only lasts for a minute, and then you wander on to something else. Right? Like, this is fine what I'm doing. Or, you know, yeah, I'd like to do something different, but what? Here's the possibilities. You start going down the list of things you could be doing different. So your mind is like, I don't know if it's that bad, but it's running around, coming up with all the different things you could do. Is that right? So... There's this idea that you should be somewhere. Huh? There's this idea that you should be somewhere. There's the idea you should be somewhere and there's the idea you shouldn't be somewhere. There's that one too. Right? There's ideas that you should be somewhere. There's ideas you shouldn't be somewhere. There's ideas you should be here. There's ideas you should be there. And be there can be... The list can be very long. These ideas are infinite. Ideas are infinite. Ideas are infinite. And... If they're like... out there and not related to in the middle way, then ideas are infinite affliction.

[56:44]

And I vow to cut through all those afflictions. How am I going to cut through them? Well, one way is I can practice like Noah and be present with all these afflictions. If they're happening, why not watch them arise and cease? If Buddha saw an affliction arise, what do you think Buddha would see? What does Buddha see when Buddha sees an affliction arising? He sees an affliction arising. When Buddha sees an affliction ceasing, Buddha sees an affliction ceasing. If we can watch these afflictions like I should be doing something different or I'm doing the best thing I could do and I can't do anything different and I'm doing better than the rest of the people in this room, these kinds of afflictions When they arise, we just, we watch them arise when they're arising. And when they cease, we watch them cease. Being with the arising and ceasing of what's arising and ceasing is being present, isn't it? And if what's arising is this, and the ceasing of this, and then the arising of something different, and the ceasing of something different, and then if there's the arising of an opinion about what's been arising and ceasing, what arises, called what's, this has been a wandering experience,

[58:04]

pattern of arising and ceasing. This hasn't been a coherent, concentrated, nicely packaged series of arising and ceasing. This has been a mess. There's arising and ceasing in the opinion of the arising and ceasing. Okay? That's happened to people, that happens to people. Like to you, right? But there can be, with all those thoughts, which can be called wandering thoughts, it can be presence with each one. Mindfulness with each one. The undistracted presence and direct experience of each one. And that practice can be the same for each one of those. So that there's a continuous practice, undisturbed practice, no matter where in the world we're wandering. We can also wander with other beings who are wandering all over the place and continue to do the same practice no matter where they're going, no matter what they're doing, no matter what they're feeling.

[59:08]

And no matter what we're feeling, we can be present with that. But you might be dreaming that you're present. Is there any presence actually there? And the answer is, maybe relating to what Peter's saying, well, I think somebody's present. Buddha's present. Buddha's not getting distracted by all this varied experience. Because that's what Buddha is. He isn't any Buddha's. That's what Buddha's say that they're doing, that they're like right there with what's happening, watching it arise and cease. But also Buddha's not only see things arise and cease, they also see at the same time, at exactly the same moment, they see things don't arise and cease. They can see both at the same time. ...arise and cease half-consciously. And because we are half-consciously arising, watching things arise and cease, we also are half-conscious that they... or maybe not even half-conscious that they don't arise and cease.

[60:13]

If you're completely concentrated and present with the arising and ceasing of things, you will understand that they don't arise and cease. So if you're observing your mind wandering, and you feel like you're completely present with it, then that could be your current version of the practice of being present. So, what's happening? Thank you very much, I have no complaint. I'll work with what's happening, I'll work with this. I will be not someplace else from what's happening. I won't be different from what's happening. I won't be the same as what's happening. There'll just be what's happening. There won't be me and what's happening. There won't be me practicing presence. There will just be what's happening, which is presence. And no matter what happens, there will be just what's happening. If it's colors, if it's smells, if it's emotions, if it's feelings, then what's happening?

[61:21]

And there won't be somebody in addition. Now, if there is somebody in addition, then I'm in training for this presence. I want to practice presence, but I... I want to realize presence, but I haven't realized it because I'm still separate from what's happening. But how can you really be separate from what's happening? No, I mean, I feel like I'm separate from it. I perceive me separate from what's happening. So if I do, then I would say, if I feel that way, if I have the experience of I'm separate from what's happening, I don't say I'm present. I say, this is not presence, this is just a perception of separation. But if I completely settle into the perception of separation from what's happening, then there's presence again. then there's just this perception of separation. So, in fact, presence is always the case. That's actually always going on. But there also can be sometimes awareness of feeling separate.

[62:23]

It can be that all kinds of preconceptions are being grasped without the realization of presence. So if we try to practice presence, we often will notice that we feel that we're not. So, then we don't feel like it's being realized, and we feel miserable, relatively speaking. But it also can happen that there can be the realization of presence, of just what's happening, and the middle way has been entered. and we're not thinking that I got it, or I entered it, but it has been realized, and that's the point. But we need, you know, again, I want to say again and again, you know, you have to be really kind with yourself in order to be able to settle with this stuff.

[63:28]

It has to be a lot of positive energy to be this simple. to be this radical. We have to really have a feeling for what we're doing here. Otherwise this, you should be doing something else, will knock you away from your awareness. Rosie, did you have something? Isn't the feeling of on the thought I've gotten, just also to learn what's happening? Yes, it is. And then one might be able to say that, you know, and I'm not present with that thought, the thought that I'm feeling separate, and I feel thrown off by it. I don't feel like I've realized The cognition, in the cognition of being separate, there is just the cognition of being separate.

[64:33]

That's it. I'm not doing that. I'm separating myself from that again. It is, but I still feel that I'm over here and it's over there. And I don't realize that it's just a thought. I think there's me and it. And it's not true. In fact, there's just a thought of me in it. But I have not realized that it's just a thought. I'm caught by being a reality. Not that I'm perceiving myself separate from you, and that's all there is to it, but there's me perceiving myself separate from you. I'm really still holding on to me. I have not relinquished the view of me watching you and me being separate from you, even though, in fact, that is just a thought. You don't have to make reality happen. In fact, reality is always this way, that thoughts are always just thoughts. But, somehow, we need to train ourselves to get with what's happening, to relate to the views, all of our views.

[65:44]

Yes, John? Will you have some suggestions? Well, I also said, huh? Acceptance, yeah, I also said thank you very much. I have no complaint whatsoever. That's kind of like love. I'll work with what's happening. I'll work with you the way you are today rather than with somebody easier to work with or something. I'll work with you the way you are now. I'll work with you the way you are now.

[66:48]

I'll say thank you for this opportunity to practice right now. This is like acceptance. This is like giving. I'll let you be who you are. This is patience with what you may be in pain, and I may feel pain when I'm with you because you're suffering, but I'm patient with that. I'm enthusiastic about this. So the six paramitas are another way to talk about what love and kindness are. But basically, like I said, these scriptures do not mention giving ethics patience, enthusiasm, and concentration. They don't mention gratitude and acceptance and gentleness and well-wishing and compassion and loving-kindness. They don't mention it, but we need to understand that at the beginning, and we need to keep working on that all the time.

[67:49]

Otherwise, we won't be able to practice meditation properly So I'm starting with that. There's no text before me. I'm just telling you that we need to work on these feelings of appreciating everybody in the practice period. We need to learn to value every person in the practice period. Work towards that. Now, you may not be able to do it today, but if you can appreciate and value the life and manifestation of each person in the practice period that will help you practice the middle way, that will help you be radically present and simple with what's happening. And on the other side, if we don't value everybody, each person we don't value, each person that's not important to us, that lack of appreciation will undermine

[68:59]

Our pure presence, because we'll do the same thing with what's happening for ourselves in other realms too. When we're meditating, some thoughts will arise and we'll say, this thought will not be dear to us. But dear to us doesn't mean we're attached to our thoughts, and dear to us doesn't mean we're attached to people. It means, like I wrote down here, do we love our baby? Yes, we do. Do we love our little grandson? Yes, we do. Do we see it as it is? Yes, we do. Do we desire it? We don't. They want me to desire it, but I don't. ... Yes.

[70:04]

There's many layers of distractions and thoughts that we need to deal with. First of all, just the obvious distractions, but then even down below the commentary on what you're doing, and below that, just that. just that vague perception of the watcher, of the self, and I try to let go of that, but then there's still just the trying. I mean, there's always... It seems sometimes like being stuck in a bunch of tape or something, that you can't ever quite get yourself free of it. Right. And I know that it's exactly, I'm starting to get the clue that it isn't working.

[71:11]

But how do you do then? How do you not do? What do you do when you're all caught and you can't get out of it? Yeah. I don't think you would do anything. You might say, wow. You might say, fantastic. You might say, it's so nice to understand. You might say, this is what I heard so-and-so say in class the other day, and now I'm seeing it myself. This is fantastic. You might say all those things, but those things are not, you're not saying them as like code for like, get me out of here. You're just impressed by the boundless unclarity of karmic consciousness. Case 37, Book of Serenity. Sentient beings just have karmic consciousness.

[72:14]

It's boundless and unclear and there's no fundamental to rely on. You can't even find a place to get a hold in this mess. You're totally in a mess, but you don't even get that the mess is like really a mess. You'd like to. Well, at least if it can be a mess, then I can say, well, it is a mess. Well, sorry. And you can find out that it's true, though, if you fight the mess, in a sense, you can make it worse. It seems like we can make it worse. But, you know, really you can't, but it seems like you can. Right? If you feel all tangled up, you can fight that, and maybe that makes it more tangled. Like that famous story which I told many times about that movie, The Song of the South. Did you ever see it? It has these animals in it, the Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Bear and Br'er Fox.

[73:19]

It's an old movie. So the fox and the bear are always trying to catch the rabbit. But the rabbit's considerably smarter than... than the fox and the bear. But although he's smarter than them, he's also someone to look up to. So they come up with this good idea. They make this little baby out of tar. And they put the baby by the road. And the rabbit walks by the baby and says hi to the baby, the little black baby. He says, hi, baby. Don't say anything because the baby's made of tar. So then he says, hey, I said hi to you, baby. And the baby still doesn't say anything. So then he says, he pokes the baby. Hey, baby, I said hi to you. And he sticks his finger into the baby and gets his hand stuck in the baby. So then he tries to use the tar off his hand.

[74:22]

So then he gets both hands in the tar. And he tries to use his feet to get the tar off his feet. So he bolts his feet in. Then he starts using his head to get his feet and his hands out of the tar so he gets his head in. Then he wiggles around and gets his whole body in the tar. So you've realized that. Now, if the bear and the fox are waiting for you, they're going to come and get you. But if they're not, if you would, at this point anyway, do what you should have done in the first place, namely just, tar baby that's not talking to you, say, hello tar baby, I said hello to you. I've got a tar baby here who's not talking to me. Now, you could still stick your finger in the tower if you want to. Interact. But not to get it to talk to you, just say, okay, you want to talk to me, but I'll tell you what, I'm going to poke you.

[75:26]

Now, if I want that tower to come off me, all I've got to do is just stand there and it'll melt off. Don't have to do anything. It'll melt off. But it would melt off even before I touched it, too. So at some point anyway, you stop. And you say, okay, here I am. I'm alive. I got a tar baby here who's not talking to me. This is my life. That's it. This is presence. But if you want to fight that tar baby a little bit and get all covered with tar, then at that point you say, okay, now I'm totally caught. This is my life. And then maybe also the bear and the fox come and get you. But if you keep saying, this is my life, now they're going to decide what to do with me. This is your program. This is your moment in history. This is your great opportunity. You're going to get your chance to be Buddha under these circumstances.

[76:29]

And then you'll have something brilliant to say. Like, if you guys really want to cause me trouble, I'll tell you what to do. That would really be terrible. No, excuse me. If you want to really do something bad to me, do this and do that. But please, don't throw me in the fire. Don't do that. So then they will. So then you'll be free. You know, you can whip me. You can starve me. You can, you know, you can interject jhardi into me. You can make me sitangai forever. But don't, do not make me be present. Don't do that. Please don't, don't make me be present. Then you will be made to be present. And in fact, that is the way you are made.

[77:39]

You are made that way. And so, wanting, putting down your intention to be present, you're actually putting down your intention to be the way you are. But the way you are is that you have karmic consciousness, too. That's the way you are. Now, you're completely present, but karmic consciousness is that you think you should be somewhere else. The way you are is that you have no fundamental to rely on. But you've got a karmic consciousness which has no fundamental to rely on and karmic consciousness is always trying to get a fundamental. That's the way you are. You're a perfectly paradoxical being, a conflicted being who can be no other way than wanting to be some other way and who has no fundamental to her consciousness but is always trying to find one. Check that case out. If a person, if you can like not get caught by that, you can express Buddha's freedom right in the middle of karmic consciousness.

[78:49]

So, Guishan asked Yangshan, about this, all karmic consciousness, boundless and unclear with no fundamental to rely on. How would you test this? In other words, how would you test if you got a Buddha? Buddhas have karmic consciousness right available to them too, but they're not caught by it. Buddhas are inseparable from karmic consciousness. It's fixed in the mind, but they're not caught by it. So most people, if you ask them something about what they're interested in, they'll hesitate and they'll try to use kind of consciousness to come up with the right answer. Just respond without trying to get something to hold on to to come up with the right answer. So in the midst of being all tangled up,

[79:55]

just be in each moment it all tangles up be a person who's driven to find something more than just things arising and ceasing so things are arising and ceasing but we're always thinking something more should be happening and this is karmic consciousness it's okay to be that way it's okay to be that way I mean, it seems like you have to have... It's not exactly okay. It's not for me to say it's okay. What I would say is that that way of being is the life of Buddha. Buddha is like life. Those are sentient beings. This is what we're devoted to, is to lovingly take care of that way of being. To attend to and learn all about this poor suffering being who is all tangled up. So okay is a little... It's more like, I value, I value, and I'm going to care for this being.

[81:06]

I'm not attached to this being, but I'm going to care for this being, this tangled up being. That's the Buddha's presence with all beings like that. And that kind of presence gradually teaches the entangled person to the entangled being. They learn gradually... to give up their karmic consciousness, to give up trying to get something which they never can get. So okay is a little weird. It's more like it's beyond good and bad. It's just the opportunity for Buddha's compassion. Buddha doesn't say, when Buddha sees our suffering, Buddha doesn't say, it's okay that you're suffering. Buddha attends to our suffering completely. So to be intimate with your suffering, okay and not okay are kind of a little bit to the side.

[82:07]

Let's just be intimate with it. Now if saying okay helps you get somewhere in the neighborhood of yourself, fine. But as you get closer and closer, you drop away things like okay, sort of good actually, and just gradually get more and more quiet with what's happening and see how it's happening in that closeness and quietness. Yes? The process is... It seems to me like it's always karmic consciousness that I'm using to do this with. Is that just part of it? Right. Is that just what? Is that using karmic consciousness to be present? Using karmic consciousness to be present Karmic consciousness will use itself to be present. Karmic consciousness will think that there's something called being present, and it's going to get this thing called be present that it can depend on, this really nice practice called being present, and it's going to use that practice, which is a really good practice, to get everything cleaned up here.

[83:18]

Right. That's karmic consciousness. And that's boundless. That's going to be there. No matter where you go, there's going to be this kind of karmic consciousness which is going to try to Make whatever practice you ever heard of into a thing or a nothing. That's the constant extremes around your life. The Buddha's teaching is to teach us to like... But the impulse to grab them is kind of consciousness. That's going to be pervasive. So it's not like there's something else you can do. You just go ahead and do that. It's not like there's something else you can do. You just go ahead and do that. Right. Mm-hmm. Well, you will. The karmic consciousness will continue to do its thing. You just keep working. So, and no matter what teaching you hear about, which sounds like not what karmic consciousness usually does, then karmic consciousness will call that teaching which doesn't sound like karmic consciousness and make it a new thing that it can do now.

[84:26]

So it will. It will try to do that. It's contradictory to do it, but it will try. Because common consciousness is always trying to do something it can't do. It's always trying to get fundamental ground that it can depend on. It's constantly trying to do that and it doesn't have anything like that. But nothing else has anything like that either. Emptiness doesn't have some fundamental ground. But in emptiness, there's no karmic consciousness. There's no looking for in a fundamental ground. There is constantly looking for something permanent, substantial to get. And therefore, karmic consciousness is continuously frustrating. And if you ever think that you sort of do get something a little bit, then you also feel anxious of what's going to happen to you now that you got it. So things get more and more tangled up.

[85:30]

Yes? I was really struck by what you said just then. Emptiness doesn't have any ground to stand on, either. Is that like the oneness of delusion and enlightenment that is spoken about in our practice? That's an aspect of it, yeah, that both emptiness and karmic consciousness are in. of existence and non-existence, or whatever. Yeah. Equanimity, the practice of equanimity is that we don't think that emptiness is better than karmic consciousness. We don't think that freedom is better than the rat race. Rat race, you got problems. Right? Or if you don't know that, let's talk about it. Anyway, if you're attached to the rat race, most people have a problem with that. But being attached to emptiness,

[86:34]

Let's take one step back. If you're attached to the rat race, you can probably hear that you've got problems and you can be cured of your problems. You can be educated. But if you're attached to emptiness, you're almost incurable. That's part of Nagarjuna's teaching on middle way. So, thinking that emptiness is better, realizing and attaching to it. Possessing emptiness is much worse than possessing karmic consciousness. It's still emptiness at that point. Is it still emptiness at that point? Yeah. It still gets to be emptiness, except you've just taken emptiness and given some substance to it. You've given substance to emptiness, but it is emptiness that you've given substance to. You can give substance to insubstantiality. You are a clever guy. And girls are like that too. We can do that.

[87:36]

But that's really dangerous. For those who realize emptiness, so it's not that big a problem for most people, but it's a big problem for those few who realize emptiness if they would then possess it. This is really difficult because who's going to knock you off that attachment? If you're the only person in your town that knows anything about emptiness, who's going to come and... You've just slipped. Almost nobody can help you, so be careful. Yeah? Illustrate it more? It would be to prefer reality over delusion, or unreality. It would be to prefer liberation over bondage. You know about that? So, with that attitude then, take that attitude to the realization of emptiness, and if that attitude had still some life in it, you might apply it to that realization.

[88:47]

And in fact, Some people did realize selflessness in the Buddhist tradition. Apparently, in the history of art, some people realized selflessness and attached to it. And that's part of what Nagarjuna and other Mahayana teachers are trying to do, is to try to release people who have realized some selflessness but then attached to it. And in realizing selflessness, they then became... better than the rat race. And by feeling it's better than the rat race, they tended to stay away from the rat race. And therefore, they tended to undermine the realization of Buddha, because Buddha does not try to stay away from the rat race. But if you think the rat race is... selflessness, you gradually will start to separate yourself from beings. So you have some liberation for yourself, but you're repeating the process of realizing Buddha, because you're trying to stay away from beings who are all screwed up.

[89:59]

Is realizing selflessness different than realizing Buddha? Yes. You can realize selflessness For example, without understanding that the realization... You could have a partial realization of selflessness. In other words, you could realize the selflessness of yourself. You could realize the selflessness of self and other, but not yet realize the selflessness of your realization and grasp your realization. The complete, the most profound realization of selflessness would be the same as Buddha's realization of selflessness, but that's still not quite Buddha. Buddha is then to take that realization and come into the world of, come into the rat race and practice virtue in the rat race, the Buddha body in the world.

[91:02]

Did you get that? So you have to come back into the world of karmic consciousness and do various activities in that world with this understanding in order to manifest the actual Buddha body in the world of beings. That's Buddha. And some people just wanted to get liberation from the rat race. They didn't even think about manifesting Buddha. They wanted to be arhats, which means you're burned out. You know, you're free of all these afflictions yourself. But that's not the same as Buddha. Buddha is back in the world manifesting the body for all beings. Could you have your hand raised again? Yeah. Well, I was thinking when you said that, you know, getting attached to selflessness over, I mean, finding the friction with karmic consciousness.

[92:06]

Mm-hmm, or self. Or self. And that, you know, how probably a lot of us come to practice is because we want to reach selflessness. Yes. And then there are all these practices like avoiding states of mind that lead to defilement and cultivating states of mind that don't. So then there is kind of a set up, in a sense, on some degree for then also preferring. you know, first you start to prefer wholesome states over others, and you do all these practices to help that alone, then you have to stop at some point, you have to stop preferring one over the other. But in some way, we are cultivating preferences, too. In some way, well, she said, in some way we're practicing cultivating preferences.

[93:07]

So, but... All sentient beings are practicing cultivating preferences. So if you've got a sentient being...

[93:17]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_85.5