Pray, come Holy Spirit, enlighten us, enlighten all those who follow in the way of Saint Benedict, that we may be true disciples of your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, whom we venerate as our Lord and God. Help us during these days of retreat to renew our zeal for the things of your kingdom, for our monastic life, for our fraternal life, and that we may be true witnesses of the risen Lord, whom we praise and glorify. We give you thanks for your goodness to us, and we pray for all those who are helping us as benefactors to live our life. We give you thanks through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. Well, I must say also I'm very honored to be here. It is a pleasure to come here for the second time. Most of you were here the first time I visited in 1979. We were all younger then. But we're still persevering in the monastic life.

[01:01]

Thanks be to God. And rejoice in new brothers that have joined also. So thank you for inviting me, Father Martin. And I hope that these days are useful for you. I want to say that I haven't given that many community retreats. This is the fifth one I've given. The first one was to the nuns of St. Walburgis in Boulder, Colorado, who were friends of Father Damascus, I believe, and certainly friends of Father Elrod. Then I gave a retreat to a community of retired Sisters of St. Mary of Namur in Fort Worth, Texas, Sister Julianne's community. And then I gave a retreat to the monks and sisters at Pecos Monastery right before the election of their abbot Andrew a few years ago. And the last retreat I gave was to the monks of St. Benedict's Abbey in Petersburg, South Africa, a couple of years ago. So this is the fifth retreat I've given. But the material I've prepared is for you. I'm tired of hearing the things I've given before, so this is new stuff. Hopefully it's new for some of you.

[02:04]

That's always the difficulty in giving a retreat. rehashed for some, and maybe for others, new material. So like Fr. Martin was saying to me the other day, finding a book for the table reading is always a challenge, because some are bored to death by what they're hearing, and others may be completely confused by what's being read. But that's the challenge of being in a community. But I hope what I say is helpful, and if it's not, don't let that spoil your retreat. because you can always find other useful material to read or reflect on. You can use your time well, and the retreat can be wonderful, no matter what is being said by the retreat leader. I'll be available to talk with any of you whenever you want, morning or afternoon. You just say when and where, and just let me know for confessions or for just spiritual talking. I was born, I should say a little about myself, in 1952 in Portland, Oregon, so I'm 44 years old. My last two years of high school, I went to Mount Angel Seminary High School.

[03:08]

And during that time, I remember very vividly not being interested in monastic life, even priesthood, though it was a high school seminary, I went there. because I had the opportunity to have a scholarship, because I worked in a Catholic summer camp in Oregon, and the high school I was going to was moving me to another one that was being opened, and I'm sure it's Divine Providence now, but in any case, I went to this high school seminary, and while I was there, within the first few months, I read an article in Life magazine about New Skeet in Cambridge, New York, and it really fascinated me. the concept of Eastern Christian monasticism. At that time, of course, they were still just leaving the Franciscans of the Eastern Rite and becoming a monastic community in their own right. But I never joined there, obviously. But it really piqued my interest in monastic life, and I joined Mount Angel Abbey in 1971. I was 18 years old, right out of high school. You would never take anyone that young, nor would we now at Christ in the Desert, but providentially, I guess, I was accepted, and that was 26 years ago.

[04:19]

I made simple profession in 1972, and during that time of simple vows, there was a group of us, maybe seven or eight, who used to talk about contemplative monastic life, and I'm sure some of them were inspired by what Father Damascus had done, and readings they had done about Mount Savior, or even Christ in the Desert. spiritual director of our now Abbot Philip was Abbot Bernard from the Trappist Monastery of Guadalupe in Oregon. And the man who brought him, Abbot Bernard, into the Catholic Church was Fr. Gregory Borchstedt when he was a portsmouth. So there's this beautiful link I always think of between ourselves, Mount Savior, my own life, and Christ in the desert. Abbot Bernard advised us to stop thinking or even talking about a foundation until someone, anyway, was willing to experience a contemplative kind of monastic life firsthand and not just to dream about it. So, as you know, Philip went to Christ in the Desert in 1974 and never came back to Mount Angel, and I still was feeling called to something of a smaller, more contemplative type of monastic life than I was experiencing at Mount Angel, a community of

[05:35]

a hundred monks, involved in parishes, schools, running retreats, good work, but I felt that there was something else maybe in store for me. And I recall too, I thought about this last night, that while I was a novice at Christ in the desert, I saw not, see this is the advantage maybe of reading magazines, which I still do. Reading in the Jubilee magazine the article about Christ in the desert, this was now 1972, no 1971, I was still a novice, the article had come out in the 60s, but in the library I found this old article about this monastery in New Mexico. It fascinated me. And I wrote to Christ in the Desert, and Fr. Gregory wrote a letter back. Very simple, it was a little hard to read, as I recall, his handwriting, but saying, there are now two of us here, Fr. Elrod and myself. And I sort of gulped and said, oh, and that sounds a little too challenging for me. But I filed it in my... I don't have it anymore, I wish I'd kept it, but I filed it away and thought about such a life as Christ in the Desert, and felt encouraged somehow by Fr.

[06:38]

Gregory too. keep thinking, anyway, about contemplative monastic life. So, our contemplative foundation dream that some of us had at Mount Angel never materialized, and I went to Valliermo in California for two years. I think, looking back on it now, hoping to find there what I ultimately found at Christ in the Desert. I spent two years there, and during the end of the second year, I asked permission to visit Christ in the Desert again. I did. decided while I was there to ask to return for a longer stay and got permission to do that. Ultimately transferred simple vows and then made solemn vows in 1980. That's it in a nutshell. And some of you here voted on me for making vows and I'm grateful you passed me. In 1985 I was sent to Rome to do studies in theology and then was ordained a priest in 1988.

[07:39]

And since then, I've just been living at home, but helping pretty regularly at our foundation of La Soledad, where Fr. Edward is buried. I usually go there a couple times a year to help out. They, at this point, only have one priest, Fr. Ezequiel, who's the prior. And I replace him. Fortunately, we have another priest now, Fr. Luis from the Philippines, who made solemn vows last year, who also can replace Fr. Ezequiel because he speaks Spanish. Well, I'm not a scripture scholar, I'm not a linguist, I'm not a patristic scholar, I'm not even a comedian. But I come to you as a monk, hoping to share with you some thoughts about our monastic journey that we're all making together. in this way of life, and I feel very at home here, because we say it regularly at our monastery, the monastery nearest to our style and the spirit is Mount Savior. And so I feel very at home here, and I'm sure any of our other brothers who have come, or will come, or do come, feel the same thing.

[08:42]

So I think we're on the same kind of journey together, a simple monastic life, keeping the house running, doing our work, receiving guests. We have a lot in common. So we could ask ourselves, why another retreat? And I remember probably arrogantly thinking of this as a younger monk, why should monks make retreats, so we should be on retreat perpetually? But you know and I know, life can get very busy, even in a contemplative community. And it seems like no matter how many are at home, there's still plenty to do for everyone. So I think a retreat is a valuable thing, and it can be very useful. But we could still ask, haven't we gone beyond that? And especially if I tell you these talks are nothing more than reflections on the rule of Saint Benedict. So you might ask, what more could be said about the holy rule? But I'd like to share a little story from our elder brethren, coming from the Jewish rabbinical tradition, that might help us.

[09:43]

Here's the story. When the Romans forced the Jews to not study the Torah What did Akiba do? He gathered his people and taught them against the law. Papo, the son of Judah, heard of it and sought out Akiba. Don't you fear the Romans, Akiba? Who replied, Papo, are you the one they call the wise? In reality, you are foolish. Listen to this story. A fox was passing along the riverbank. There he saw fish in the water, scurrying to and fro, and said to them, Why do you go back and forth like that? To avoid the nets they have set for us, the fish replied. The fox said, Come out of the water and let us live together on land like my ancestors and your ancestors used to do. The fish answered back, Are you the one they call the clever beast? Actually, you are very stupid. If we have fear here in the water, the place of our life, even more would we fear the land, which for us is the place of death.

[10:52]

So too for you, Akiba, concluded. If we have fear studying the Torah, of which we are told, this is your life and prolongation of days, even more do we fear if we stop studying it. So I think our whole lives, we are on the way, we are novices, we can gain a lot by studying the basics of our rule. So I just want to work through several chapters of the rule during these days, beginning with the abbots. The Lord Jesus said, Whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be the slave of all." And he said also, I am among you as one who serves. And in complete harmony with the Lord's teaching, Saint Benedict places the abbot in the same role as the one who came, not to be served, but to serve. The abbot is intended to be a living norm for the disciples of the meek and humble of heart, master of all the Lord Jesus Christ.

[12:04]

It is necessary, then, that the abbot reflects the meekness of Christ in his role as father, shepherd, and physician. He represents Christ in the monastery, Benedict says. So the abbot is always to strive for faithful and merciful love that Christ also bestows on his beloved. Now, saying that the abbot is to be meek and humble in his service does not mean that he is to be weak. The meekness of Christ was never weakness. We know this. or drawing near to evil. In fact, Christ was never fearful in the face of evil, but confronted it head on, as in the desert, the power of darkness unmasked by the greater power of love of Christ. So the abbot is expected to draw from this same grace of the Lord to conquer darkness, first in himself, since unlike Christ he is not immune to evil, and then to conquer the darkness in others, the flock entrusted to his care.

[13:12]

So the abbot is placed as the shepherd and guardian of the sheep, and it's a very fitting model for your own community here, where you have sheep, to think of the abbot as the flock's guider. The abbot is placed and expected to be vigilant, on guard, to wage war against the wolf that seeks to upset, or despise, or disperse, or attack the flock. Yesterday I met your dog on the other side of the fence with that nice sign, do not enter, guard dog at work. And the abbot has to be that for the community, too. It sounds like a negative image, perhaps, but something of a guard dog. Like a roaring lion, your adversary, the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour, says 1 Peter. Sometimes used at Compline. The abbot is expected to continually fight against evil, even to the point of shedding blood, even giving up his life.

[14:15]

And I think of this Trappist community in Algeria this past year who were willing to give up their lives in the service of their people. And obviously the abbot approved that their prior, in fact, approved of that move to remain there and take the risk of giving their lives. Several of them did that. Sometimes in this struggle, normally before the point of shedding blood, most of us won't have to do that, the abbot may appear as anything but meek in the eyes of his monks. And this is no surprise, because even in meekness a certain toughness or tenacity is called for, to really make clear that Christ's ways are what we seek in the monastery. And that may require a resounding no to some things, and a clear yes to others. But let it be said, this requires real faith on the part of the abbot who has to make those kind of decisions, and on the part of the disciples who may not know the whole story, or what the abbot has already tried, or who knows what we would do in the same situation if we were abbot.

[15:28]

So we're looking for meekness, not weakness. We have to distinguish and discern between them to find the way of love, peace, God's will in the monastery. That's why we're here. And the abbot who sees vice but doesn't want to say or do anything about it is not meek but weak. The Lord expects the abbot to be faithful in difficult tasks, even waning in popularity with the brethren when speaking up or speaking out is called for. If a monk is proud, attached to his own way, obstinate or close to others, he needs to change. We make a vow of conversion of life, conversion of manners. And the monk can become meek only by a struggle against the ego. But alone he can't do it. We are Cenobites who have chosen to live under an abbot and a rule. And that is where the abbot comes in to help us in the process of conversion, which is not a once and for all affair, but a daily and lifelong turning to Christ.

[16:39]

Think here of the experience of Saint Benedict with the rebellious monks of Vicovaro. You can still visit the place. It's on the way to Subiaco, and the Franciscans who run a retreat house there will tell you they feel they have sort of a dubious connection with Benedict because of the the monks who were there before them who weren't Franciscans, but people go there to visit the place, to see this place where Benedict was nearly poisoned. And there are still some ruins overlooking a river where you can imagine Benedict might have been. And we can say it would be a display of false meekness had Benedict not said something in the face of the vice and softness of that group of monks. He challenged them. He had to reprove them, unmask them, to be true to God's will, even though he knew it would mean the end of his popularity with them. As good shepherd, even of an unruly flock, Benedict knew there could be no compromise in the face of evil.

[17:42]

And so it went to the extent of their trying to poison him. But he left the place, and with a clear conscience, because he had tried to help them. The meekness of the abbot is true and evangelical only if he strives to be a real servant of God, doing everything possible to help his monks live without deceit, without lies, in the presence of God. The abbot must keep working at bringing about in the community a willing service from each member, calling forth real humility, poverty, obedience, meekness from each brother, and from himself as well as the shepherd. In guiding the flock entrusted to him, the abbot has to keep in mind the weakness of some of the members, and at the same time not encourage laziness, reluctance, or a lack of generosity in anyone. But the abbot can never cease to urge on the entire community and each individual within it.

[18:51]

And we know it's a lifelong process. We're never finished with this work until death. And those around us are making all the difference as to whom we become. In the final judgment, the abbot has to be able to say with the psalmist, and this is from the rule itself, I have not hidden your justice in my heart. I have proclaimed your truth and your salvation. So the abbot is called to help each monk to live in the truth. And if there are things that make the brethren trip along the way to salvation, the abbot is expected to seek a way to help clear the path, to make it easier for the brethren to go to God. And this can cause a negative reaction at times on the part of some, or even the entire community, but the abbot must humbly accept such possibilities. knowing that if he's really spoken and acted according to the teachings of the Lord, he can continue with a peaceful heart in the service to the community, even if the community or individuals are reacting against it.

[20:00]

When Benedict recommends to the abbot that he should aim more at being loved than feared, he is not saying to gloss over the truth or necessary corrections that need to be made, but to imitate Christ, so attached to the word of the Father, the word of truth, that he willingly embraced persecution and crucifixion for it. To be the servant of each monk does not mean to leave any with an indifferent, there's no point in trying to challenge or change or correct this one or that one, but to try to find a way, a method adapted to each, to cure, bring about healing or change. With a belief in the grace of office, discernment given to one who leads the monastic community, the abbot must adapt accordingly, with sweetness, with persuasion, with strictness, and even punishment, none of these foreign to Benedict's thinking, believing that the Holy Spirit goes to work in each situation, and even if mistakes are made, that there is a way to deal with that.

[21:11]

to ask forgiveness, to look for another way, to think of another option. We believe that the abbot is for us the principal revealer of God's will for the community and for the individual members. Each monk then makes a journey of faith even if he disagrees with the abbot. Through this specific leader, then, we are given a chance to know the truth for ourselves and what the Lord is asking in a given situation. And obviously, Benedict has the brothers coming together for counsel, the brothers voting on certain things, and canon law requires certain things. But we can say We believe the abbot has a very special role in our communities. Humanly speaking, the abbot may have many defects, shortcomings, may be less capable, less educated, less experienced than myself, but that doesn't really matter. God is at work in this individual who has been chosen to guide the community.

[22:17]

And so a covenant has been established. And so I can let go and let God, as they say today, trusting that something greater than myself is at work here, and to that we can say, thanks be to God. I'm not running the show. God is, and through this instrument, the abbot for my life. This walk in faith has as its final goal full development, transformation in Christ. So it doesn't really matter if I've been overlooked for this or that job, this or that trip, this or that material thing. All these things, even frustrations, disappointments, hurts, can be material for greater inner freedom, nearness to Christ, who is ultimately the one we are seeking, and has everything that I need for real happiness and fulfillment. The true teacher, says Saint Clement of Alexandria, is one who leads disciples to that place where the soul is on fire with joy for the coming of the Holy Spirit.

[23:28]

True teacher doesn't leave disciples worn out then with discouragement or demands or overburdened or frightened. Rather, he supports and strengthens each of the disciples, helping each to walk without overdoing it, but also without stopping along the way, in the sense of abandoning the journey. We have to go on if we're committed to this way of life until death. Our entire monastic journey then, not just relating to the abbot, but with everything and everyone, the guests, one another, is a challenging road. And the shepherd who guides us along that way has to know and foresee the traffic ahead, the difficult passes, to encourage those who may be fearful to hold back the overzealous. And the shepherd has to avoid exhausting the flock and exhausting himself. wisely encouraging, and also holding back when that is necessary.

[24:38]

The abbot is called to be an icon of the humble servant of God, Christ the Good Shepherd. And so too each monk, walking in the footsteps of the Master, not looking for an easy way out, but with love that doesn't count the cost of our sacrifices. And the abbot has to put the straying sheep on his shoulders at times even, and not just people, but our projects, our plans, our hopes, and at the same time be able to say that God is really present, and God will give the strength and wisdom needed, and so we can remain peaceful and relaxed even in the midst of tensions. I like what Jean Vanier said about this. You know, he was the founder of the large communities in France, all around the world. Jean Vanier said, leaders must do their best and then leave everything in God's hands and go to bed with a smile.

[25:52]

So the abbot is an essential guide for us as Cenobites, called to be a model, but also we need to be realistic. No abbot is perfect. The meekness of the abbot, not weakness, but a force of love pointing towards salvation for others and for self. A wonderful lesson in meekness for the abbot is found in the chapter on the care of the sick brothers, which speaks of the extreme care the abbot should have for the sick, that they not be neglected, and that he feel and be responsible for how the sick are treated. But not just the abbot is called to be meek. The sick themselves, not irritating the brothers serving them, not being too demanding, accepting gratefully the help in poverty, whatever help is bestowed upon them. Even so, extreme illness can call for much patience, meekness on the part of the abbot and those who assist him in caring for the weak.

[27:02]

It is definitely not an easy thing for the abbot to be both meek and strong. He remains a human being, no matter how transformed in Christ he may be. He has limits, faults, blind spots, and so he needs to be helped by the patient love of each brother in the community. If he's truly meant to be a sacrament of God's love and goodness for the community, each one of us, as brothers in the community, must be open to that possibility of the abbot being a sacrament of God's love and help it come about by cooperation, freedom of heart, saying, I can accept whatever you ask. Saint Benedict is eager to see in the abbot a meekness and a zeal that characterize Christ himself in his earthly mission. Going about doing good, as we heard in the lesson. Consumed with desire to present to the Father a church, you could say here, a community, truly holy, without spot or blemish.

[28:09]

Paraphrasing Ephesians. And if the abbot or the brethren take themselves too seriously, let us think of this story from Cardinal Daniels, the Archbishop of Brussels. He said, when I get home after a long day, I go to the chapel and pray. I say to the Lord, this is it for today. Things are finished. Now let's be serious, Lord. Is this diocese mine or yours? And the Lord says, what do you think? I answer, I think it's yours. That is true, the Lord says, it is mine. And so I say to the Lord, listen Lord, it is your turn to take responsibility for and direct the diocese. I'm going to bed now. I want to give you quotes from the book Community and Growth by Jean Vanier. It's one that I found very helpful and read several times. These quotes I didn't compile just for you, so don't feel picked on if there's something you see in here that you may think is meant for you.

[29:16]

It may be, but maybe not because I picked it just for you. gathered these several years ago. We may not talk about them again during the retreat, but you may find them useful just to ponder on. I found them very good quotes. And what I found about Jean Barnier is he doesn't live in a monastic context, but his style and his interests, and his brother is a Trappist in Canada also, but he has a very monastic outlook on life. So I think these quotes may be useful for you. We'll just keep these. Have nothing else that you need to announce or anything, Father Martin? Do you need to say anything for tonight? No, we would like to be able to, it's a good time for us to really take a quiet Death always before I do, I just say to yourself, if I die, you know, what are you going to do without me?

[30:30]

And then, well, for the next few days, this will be dying, and you'll see that you'll be able to manage it without me. There are a lot of things that you, all of us, could do and should do. You know, fellows of order, And we should be able to do that. Like Krishna said, it's simple and it's daily, but we can, I don't know if I myself can avoid things. And we can get together and think in priorities to have along next to you, maybe, if we're on. So, put aside things. It reads to take this time and use it in the best way possible.

[32:04]

What is the best way possible? Both invented by ourselves, by living among us. I have to schedule it on the board. I have to take care of it in the chapel this evening. If anybody's going into town, there's going to be reasons I don't want to go. But tomorrow, I have to get on the board. If there's a dock that's open, people don't have to. and co-operate to pick things up. Well, it's just great to take these time with our own legs and thank God we're able to do both.

[33:05]

Does anybody have any questions? Or, oh, let me push it again. Who's there? Who's inside me? Can I open the door, please? Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. And as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

[33:53]

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