Good morning, everyone. Well, we're starting this weekend our fall retreat, fall practice period, about seven weeks long, and we had all our orientations and everything, and there are about thirty people or so joining the staff of Green Gulch to practice for the fall.

[01:03]

So today's lecture is the first lecture of the retreat, and today I have a title for my lecture, and the title is Including the Unincluded. And this is also not only the title of my talk today, but also the focus that I want to give us for our fall practice period, Including the Unincluded. So this is what I want to try to see if I can say something about today, how we can include in our lives, in our practice, not only what's obvious, not only what we like

[02:14]

to include and what we can see, but also how to include what we might not like to include and what we might not even see and what we might not even want to see. And the reason I bring up this topic is not because it sounds good or it seems like a good idea, but because I feel very much as if it is necessary for our sanity and well-being that we do include more and more. In fact, I think that the path of the Buddha, the path of clarity and awakening, is a never-ending journey of inclusion. That starts with ourselves, where we are now, and where we have been, and from there

[03:23]

it just goes deeper and deeper and wider and wider, endlessly. This is how I understand the very famous saying of Dogen that I'm sure all of you have heard many times, to study the way is to study the self, to study the self is to forget the self, to forget the self is to let all things come forward in enlightenment, and this traceless enlightenment continues forever. So, how can we practice this way of completely including the unincluded? I've said many, many times that our Zen way of practicing is very, very, very simple. Sometimes I even go so far as to say that it's so simple it's embarrassing that someone

[04:26]

could spend their whole life on something so simple. The only thing that we do is just sit down, make an effort to quiet our mind, and to simply be present with what is there. We're not looking for some big breakthrough experience, though sometimes there is an experience like that and that's nice, and then we're just present with that, and we allow that to arise and go away, and then we just quietly resume our practice as before, because we're not trying to produce some great vision or some dream of peace or enlightenment. All we're trying to do is simply be present with the breath and the posture and whatever

[05:30]

else may happen, just to be ready, to be present with all of that, without any goal, without any judgment, without any pushing away, without any holding on, just to be there as completely as possible in the silence and quiet, just letting go of all our constant efforts to get someplace or make something, and just to be with ourselves and with what arises. Very simple. So if we give ourselves to this simple practice, we get to see so many, many things about our lives. A lot of the things that we see we already knew, it's not a big deal to see them, although

[06:35]

we may see them more deeply, still we already knew, but some of them we didn't know before. Some of the things that we see, we're impressed by how repetitive they are, how the same things keep going on and on and on, it's very impressive. Other things are pretty unexpected. Some of the things that we discover we can talk about with our friends and think about in ordinary ways, using ordinary words, and other things are so subtle that it's very difficult to say anything at all about them truthfully, and others are so subtle that it's even hard to say whether we experience them or not, because they're more subtle than our ordinary apparatus of experiencing. So we can see many surprising things if we sit long enough, with enough sincerity, we

[07:50]

see that the person that we imagined ourself to be probably doesn't quite add up. We see that there are many, many sides to our life, and that these sides are probably contradictory to one another. Ordinarily we don't allow ourselves to see these contradictory sides, because we think of ourselves as a unified, organized person, who is a certain way and not another way. But when we do this very simple and really radical practice of deliberately and on purpose, setting aside some time, frequently, regularly, over a period of time, to simply be quiet and present with what's there, applying our energy to that, applying our heart to that, we see that our life actually isn't as simple as we thought it was.

[08:52]

So there's all this part of our life that we like very much, or at least we're used to it, anyway. And then there are these other things that we would prefer not to include, and that we haven't included before. But if we keep sitting, pretty soon we have to include them. We have to include these dark or unbeautiful parts, too. And oddly, we sometimes find that it is these spectacularly beautiful parts that we have not been including, because it's too scary. It's too big. So we haven't been including those parts sometimes, too. And it may be the case that it is just as hard to admit and include those awesome parts

[09:59]

as it is to admit and include all of our subtle crimes and shortcomings. Maybe it's even harder. But we have to include it all. We have to be willing to keep including and including more and more, to be surprised by what arises and to accept what arises, to welcome what arises in, whatever it may be, and whatever consequences it may have for our lives. We have to make ourselves big enough and calm enough to include all of it. And when we do that, the truth is after a while it is not that easy to explain ourselves or define ourselves, because there is so much in any one life, so much that we like, so much we don't like, but all of which we have to honor and allow, all of which we have to permit.

[11:04]

There are lots of reasons why we don't want to include everything. One reason why is because our human consciousness seems to always want to have some clarity, even if it's a painful clarity. Because we feel like we need a hook to hang our lives on. So even though we might begin to see many, many different things in our lives, we don't want to mess up our hook. Even if it's a painful hook, we would rather have it than see it disappear. Human beings sing songs and tell stories. And each one of us has so many, many songs and so many, many stories. And when we listen to all these stories, it makes our head spin, because one story seems to cancel out the other.

[12:11]

So naturally, we would like to decide which stories are true and which stories are false, and to defend mightily the true stories and to eliminate the false stories. But if we keep sitting and sitting, without goal, just with effort, it becomes pretty clear that all the stories are true. And all the stories are false. And if we keep sitting through that, more and more, all the stories just dissolve into a very, very large silence. And we can hear that silence in the song of a bird, or the click of the closing of a door,

[13:14]

or the roar of the ocean, or the wind. And little by little, we see that this silence is not the silence of our mind. It's the silence of the world. And we open ourselves up to include, starting from what's in ourselves, all of what wants to come in, and finally the whole world comes in. Every corner of it, every creature in it. So we have this curious sense of our lives, and we begin to take the whole world very, very personally, and in a way, to take what we usually think of as our self, less personally, as if the world were our mind, and our mind were the world.

[14:24]

And when we begin to experience our lives in this way, we feel an enormous self-understanding, and an enormous self-confidence. I'm not talking about a kind of arrogance, a great spiritual arrogant passiveness. I'm talking about a deep and realistic self-confidence, which is centered in the particularity of ourselves as we actually are, and the particularity of the world around us as it actually is. And this self-confidence is swimming in a great sea of serenity and sadness. Sadness, you said? Where did that come in? Why sadness? I don't know why sadness, but I do know that it's true,

[15:36]

that if you really do include the unincluded in your life, there will be great sadness. To be alive, to really and truly be alive, it seems to me, is always to experience a great loss. And the longer you live, the older you get, the more this is true. Each moment of our lives, we lose a little bit more of our lives, a little bit more of our possibilities. And as time goes on, we lose husbands or wives, close relatives, friends, lovers, careers, possessions, parents, children, our youthful bodies.

[16:45]

We are defeated sometimes, betrayed sometimes, shocked, disappointed, disappointed in ourselves, disappointed in others, disappointed in our community, in our world, disappointed in life itself. And in our lifetime, those of us sitting in this room now, we have become increasingly aware, though maybe it's always been the case, that we are also losing our planet, losing species of plants and animals every day, which are aspects of our own minds that will no longer ever arise again. The treasure of the earth isn't in gold or silver or stocks and bonds

[17:54]

or Bill Gates's bank account. The real treasure of the world is in the beautiful life that there is, the collective gene pool of all the kinds of life on the earth, the diversity of the life. This is the real wealth. And it's diminishing, even while some people are supposedly growing wealthier. And kinds of people, cultures, are disappearing also, and their ways of life are disappearing. I mean, our whole continent used to be peopled by groups of humans who had a different way of life, a beautiful way of life, and mostly a great number of those peoples are all gone. And just now, recently, in our lifetime, we're noticing.

[18:55]

We didn't even notice, can you imagine, that this was the case? And for me, I'm particularly aware that languages that were spoken are disappearing, so that there are certain kinds of human thoughts that will never be expressed again, because these languages have gone. And here at Green Gulch, we're also aware that farm life is disappearing, small-town life, small-farm life, village life. You drive around here and there in California and see housing developments that are named for the orange groves that used to be there, the almond groves that used to be there, farmlands and wetlands and forests and so on. Rivers and streams and rivers disappearing. And if we sit with our breath and our posture,

[19:55]

just mindful of the present moment, we will see and experience all this, and it will be personal. And it's not that easy to take. So, we make ourselves bigger. We make our hearts bigger so that we can sustain it. And we would maybe like not to have to think about it all the time or notice it, so we would like to turn away. But it is impossible. There is no option to turn away, because this loss is not outside of our mind. It is right exactly in the middle of the nature of our consciousness. So there is no choice, really, but to breathe and notice and be aware and turn our attention to it. And we have to be honest about what we feel when we do that.

[20:58]

We feel helplessness or fear, confusion, anger, betrayal. We might want to run away and hide or distract ourselves by becoming more and more busy. More and more excited about things. Or maybe we will want to blame it on someone. It's our parents' fault. It's our husband or wife's fault. It's the business people. It's our organization. It's our government. But there is no one to blame it on. And our anger is always misplaced. Even though it's true that our government is messed up and our businesses are messed up and our organizations are messed up and our spouse might be confused and this and that. It's probably true. But still, that's not why. Why? And if we keep sitting through all this,

[22:08]

and we don't get tired of the sitting practice and take up something else, or run away somewhere, we will come to a deep forgiveness. A deep, deep acceptance. And we will no longer be surprised or shocked at all the losses and disasters that occur. We will be able to understand them and embrace them to accept that this is the way of the world and to forgive ourselves and others and the whole world. And this forgiveness that we feel, and this acceptance that we feel,

[23:12]

and this sadness that's mingled with it all doesn't just sit there. It becomes a kind of groundwork, a kind of foundation for a steady and sustainable and joyful, even cheerful, activism. To do whatever we can, each one of us in our own way, to build up more peace and happiness today and tomorrow and the next day and to reduce, as much as we can, violence and selfishness and unhappiness a little bit today and a little bit more tomorrow. So lately I've been thinking of this issue of forgiveness and how deep it really is. And I've been seeing it more and more as the real essence of our practice,

[24:12]

the essence of what Dharma is, the essence of what sitting practice is really all about. When we allow ourselves to be open to everything that comes up intimately and welcome it into our own lives, things have a way of getting very deep and very serious and out of that comes a real forgiveness, which is a warmth and a tenderness toward all suffering that we, ourselves personally and our world, endures. And this is not a kind of pity or sentimental feeling. Pity and sentimentalism are always very distancing, I think, and very conceptual. I mean a real intimate and true acceptance and forgiveness that has a kind of toughness to it. And a cheerfulness to it.

[25:12]

It's an attitude that enables us to go forward, come what may, just to go on, with our eyes open, seeing what's really going on and our sleeves rolled up, willing to be involved in whatever way we need to be right now. And this to me is the spirit of the ancient Zen worthies. That's how I think of them. That's how I imagine Zhao Zhou and Bai Zhang and Deng Shan and all the rest of them practiced and carried on their lives. And I see this spirit, this attitude, over and over again in all the records of their energetic, embracing expressions and their doings and stories that happen between them. This kind of tough cheerfulness with clear sight as to what's really going on. And lately we've been having a class in Deng Shan's great poem, the Hokyo Zamae, which translates as Jewel Mirror Awareness.

[26:15]

It's a poem that we chant in our morning service frequently. And it's a poem about the pristine, reflective nature of our mind. How with our practice we can come to see things as they really are, without distortion and without limitation. And there's a line in the poem that's always struck me. And this time studying it and looking at the characters in Chinese very closely and cogitating about it, I saw the lines in a different way, using the dictionary and everything and thinking about it. The translation that we have used for many, many years says, when erroneous imaginations cease, the acquiescent mind realizes itself. When erroneous imaginations cease, the acquiescent mind realizes itself. But a lot of characters in Chinese, like in English, have shades of meaning and different meanings. So when I looked at it more carefully and thought about it a lot,

[27:21]

I made a different translation, which goes like this. When the conceptions of the upside-down mind fall away, the accepting heart naturally forgives itself. So I like that translation, because it reminds me very much of how our practice goes. This upside-down mind is really what it says in Chinese, upside-down mind. It's a phrase often used in Zen to describe our minds. They're upside-down. It's like we're walking around on our heads. See the whole world upside-down. Everybody wants peace and everybody is very quick to go to war. Everybody wants happiness and peacefulness and everybody right away is making more complexity

[28:23]

and more confusion in their lives every day. Everybody wants love and the way we act we perpetuate hatred and selfishness. Everything is impermanent and we see it as permanent. We're losing everything and we want to hold on to it. So that's how the world is upside-down. We're seeing things just the opposite, I mean the exact opposite of the way they are acting, the exact opposite of our deepest wishes. So that's why the ancients said that we have upside-down mind. And upside-down mind produces constantly upside-down conceptions. So just like a glass of orange juice, you know with pulp in it, you shake it up, you put it down on the table and don't do anything, just put it there. It settles and it's clear.

[29:23]

Same way if we just sit in silence long enough, the conceptions of the upside-down mind can just settle and fall away and we don't have to shake the glass again or look for any more. And this to me is the process of meditation. And when that happens, without any of our doing, naturally the mind that is at rest and not producing more upside-down conceptions forgives itself fully and forgives our whole world. And out of this forgiveness comes the warmth of our compassion, just unfolding and unfolding. We don't know how in our lives as we continue. So as I mentioned here maybe a few weeks ago,

[30:27]

one of the ways that we've been working on including the unincluded in our Sangha is by making an effort to change our liturgy, which is very old and repeated many times by many voices. So it's hard to change it. And we don't want to change it. But we're trying to change it in some way to include mentioning women as exemplars of the enlightened way. And we've, as maybe you've heard from some recent announcements, we've also put on the altar a figure of the Green Tara so that we can explicitly see and bring up this side. Of course, as everyone knows, there has never ever been a single moment of the awakening mind that has not included men and women and plants and animals and the Great Earth.

[31:30]

But still, the historical aspect of our Zen teaching as carried down to us through the liturgy hasn't expressed this. And it has named a lineage that includes only men teachers. So we're trying some various experiments to see how we can change this in a nice way, not only with the spirit of including women, but to include through the inclusion of women more and more, and finally everything that has been unincluded. And part of the process is not just to say the names of these great women teachers in the liturgy, but also to study their teachings. So today I want to tell you a little story about one of these great women teachers of the time of the Buddha and her name is Kappa. And I was surprised reading her story because it really struck me.

[32:36]

Last year in the fall practice period, and especially in the December Session, we celebrate the enlightenment of the Buddha, so I always study the Buddha's life and think about the Buddha's enlightenment at that time of year. And I remember last year when I was doing that, I was really struck by the story of the first person that the Buddha met after he was enlightened. I don't know if you're familiar with this little incident from the life of the Buddha, but it's really wonderful. The Buddha gets enlightened and he has to be talked into teaching Dharma by different gods, and they finally talk him into it. And he decides that he will teach, so he sort of walks on down the road ready to teach people. And the first person he meets is this ascetic by the name of Kala, and Kala sees him and notices that he sort of has a little glow about him, and he says, gee, who are you? And Buddha says, well, I am the Buddha, I am the enlightened one, the unsurpassed teacher, the peerless one. And Kala looks the Buddha up and down and says,

[33:40]

maybe so. And goes on his way. Seemingly unimpressed with the Buddha. And it's a particular quirk of my personality that, to me, this is a very impressive story. It makes me more impressed somehow with the Buddha that this happened. So I was really thinking about that story. And then, of course, the Buddha went on and met the five ascetics and began teaching, and one thing led to another, and here we are. Well, the reason I'm telling you about this story is because this fellow, Kala, was the husband of this enlightened woman, Kappa, whose story I'm going to tell you about now. She's the hero of the story, and she was married to Kala. And I never heard this story before, you know.

[34:44]

I thought that was the end of Kala, but now he appears again. So he was an ascetic. And he was, I think maybe, went to Kappa's house. As an ascetic, he was invited in for alms and so on. And when he was staying at Kappa's house, he fell hopelessly in love with her. But being an ascetic, he couldn't really do anything about it, and so his method was the typical ascetic method. He went into the forest and took a vow that he would never eat again until he got married to Kappa. He didn't ask her or anything like that. He just went into the forest and decided he wouldn't. This is the methods, strange methods, that the ascetics use. And we use similar methods often in our practice, you know. That's what he did. And then Kappa's father found out that this was going on

[35:47]

and he went to the forest and when he understood what was happening, he gave his daughter in marriage and they were married. And they had a happy marriage. And they had a son. But, after a little while, Kala, as men sometimes do, maybe you've heard about this, began to get a little restless. He wasn't sure, you know, if he could continue this commitment. He wasn't sure if he was up to the responsibility of having a son and so on. Plus he started thinking about his life as an ascetic and the importance of the path and so on. He felt, you know, hemmed in by his responsibilities, limited by them. This relationship isn't working for me, he probably said.

[36:49]

So, he decided he was going to leave. And he was going to go off and join the Buddha. Because, now that he thought about it, he was impressed with the Buddha. So, he starts to leave and Kappa comes along as he's about to leave and tries to talk him out of it. And the strange thing is that this scene has been recorded. It was 2,500 years ago. This scene that probably happens all the time in our world, the same thing happens all the time, probably has happened millions of times in human civilization, it was written down. And I'm going to read you this dialogue that's recorded in the Therigatha between Kappa and Kala. So, Kala says,

[38:01]

Once I was an ascetic with a stick in hand. Now I am a deer hunter. Because that's how he was earning his living. Now, it's because of my own lust that I'm in this swamp and can't see my way clear to the other shore. Kappa thinks I love her. She has kept our son happy. But I want to cut my ties with her. And renounce the world again. And Kappa says, Great man, don't be angry with me. Wise man, don't be angry with me. How can you be pure or austere when you are controlled by your anger? Kala says, I'm really going to leave. Who'd want to live in Nala? Here women use their bodies to trap ascetics who only want to live the Dharma. And Kappa says,

[39:04]

Kala, come back. Enjoy my love. I'll be your slave and all my relatives too. Kala says, Even if only a part of what you say were true, Kappa, that would be terrific for someone who was turned on by you. Modern translation. This is a great book. Susan Mercott, the first Buddhist woman. She translated, worked many years on this. It's a really good translation, much better than the old one. So that would be great for someone who was turned on by you. And Kappa says, Oh Kala, I am like a Takara tree blossoming on a mountaintop, like a bitter apple vine in flower, like a trumpet flower in the interior of an island. My body has been rubbed with golden sandalwood paste. I have put on muslin from Varanasi. I am beautiful.

[40:05]

Why do you leave me? Kala says, You are like a bird hunter with that lovely body of yours, but you won't snare me. Kappa says, But Kala, this child fruit of mine is yours. How can you leave me when I have your child? Kala says, The wise leave their sons, their relatives and their wealth. The great set out like an elephant that has broken its tether. Then Kappa says, Then I'll knock him into the dirt, right here, this son of yours, with a stick, with a knife, and out of grief you won't go. Kala says, Even if you give our son to the jackals and dogs, I won't turn back, poor woman. Then all of a sudden Kappa says,

[41:12]

Then goodbye, Kala. Where will you go? To a town? To a village? A city? A capital? Kala says, Once we had followers. We wandered from village to village, to cities and capitals. We thought we were ascetics, but we weren't. But now, by the Naranhara River, the Buddha teaches the Dharma to the living. I'll go to him. Kappa says, Then give him my greetings, the guide of the world, and make an offering for me. Kala says, It's right what you say, Kappa. I'll give him your greeting, the guide of the world, and make an offering for you. Then Kala went to the Naranhara River and he saw the Enlightened One, the Buddha, teaching Nirvana, suffering,

[42:16]

the cause of suffering, the end of suffering, and the great eightfold path that stills all suffering. And Kala bowed at the Buddha's feet, walked around him to the right, made the offering on behalf of Kappa, and became a disciple of the Buddha. And the last two lines of these verses say, The three knowledges have been realized, the Buddha's teaching has been done. And that's the end of the story. Kappa, you know, protecting herself and her child, tries to get Kala to stay. First she tries submissiveness, you know, I'll be your slave and I'll get my whole family to be your slaves too. And when this doesn't work, she tries seduction. When that doesn't work, she appeals to him on behalf of their son and even threatens to kill the son, which is shocking, you know. But nothing works.

[43:17]

He won't stay. And I find it, personally, very difficult to have a shred of sympathy for Kala, the husband in this story. Reminds me of our present situation about all you hear about welfare mothers and fathers who disappear, you know. It's hard to have sympathy for this. And it's hard to like Kala for what he's done here. That's how I feel anyway. But somehow, when Kappa tries everything that she can think of, you know, whatever it is, she stops at nothing. When she's tried everything and she sees that it's not going to work, when she realizes that the situation is absolutely hopeless, that Kala is not going to come back, she makes this incredible

[44:19]

sudden turnaround and she just forgives him. She just forgives him. There's absolutely no reason for her to forgive him. He hasn't, you know, apologized, he hasn't made any amends, he hasn't repented in the slightest. I mean, he just seems like this totally irresponsible bum, you know, running off. But out of her clarity and sense of hopelessness, she realizes that the only thing that she can do is to reach very, very deep inside herself, and when she does, she finds forgiveness and she just forgives him. And that's her work. No matter what he does, she can't dissuade him or persuade him one way or the other. So she wishes him well. She seems to have concern, you know, where are you going, where will you go, what will you do?

[45:19]

And when she finds that he's going to go to see the Buddha, she says, would you please make an offering for me? And somehow, this forgiveness and this concern maybe awakens some spark of decency in Kala, and he's moved by her forgiveness and says, oh, I'll make an offering for you. And as we see, he does that. And maybe, I would say, it's the energy of that offering that enables Kala to become a disciple and to become enlightened. Now, there's more to the story. Kala, Akapa, I mean, after Kala goes, is still broken-hearted and she, leaving her son with her father,

[46:20]

she goes off herself to seek the Buddha. Not because she's trying to find Kala, she's really giving him up, but because out of her broken-heartedness she really wants to find the path. And out of her forgiveness, she really wants to find the path. So she goes to the Buddha and she becomes an enlightened disciple of the Buddha. And that's why she's included in this book of enlightened women, because she becomes a great disciple, fully awakened. So this might seem like a kind of a quaint fairytale story, and it's probably true, but maybe it isn't, I don't know. It's kind of a nice happy ending, you know. But to me, it does seem like a true story on some deep, deep level, because it shows the transformative power of a wide forgiveness.

[47:23]

Kappa is the hero of the story, and she's such a strong hero that there aren't any villains in the story. The strength of her heroism is so much that she transforms the villain of the story into a hero too. She was able to include her grief, her brokenheartedness, probably her anger, her fear, her resentment in her practice, and come up with the clarity of a deep and wide forgiveness that was really transformative. So I'm almost finished, but one thing I want to just mention before we go is that even though we don't

[48:28]

talk about it as much as we did at one time, there are still these people on the streets who don't have anywhere to live, who roll shopping carts around and carry their belongings in a paper bag maybe, and they are unincluded. They're actually, to me, they seem like the living symbol of what has been unincluded in our apparent prosperity of the last number of years. So in our human world, these homeless people symbolize and actualize our own lack of awareness. They are living loss right in the middle of our lives. For some of us, we may have a passing moment of sadness

[49:29]

when we read about trees being cut down or something like that, species disappearing. It may be rather conceptual for us, but when we see a person on the street, we have to encounter that person right in front of us. So it's difficult because often the homeless people are not that nice. They're difficult, maybe. Not so pretty to look at. Not so cute. But they are us. Really and truly they are us. And I'm saying this, I'm mentioning this today because I'm going to go over this afternoon to the city right after a question and answer to join my voice with my co-abbot Blanche Hartman and other religious leaders in the San Francisco area to protest the tearing down of the weary housing in the Presidio,

[50:29]

which, you know, the new park, they're tearing down beautiful houses, really nice houses, tearing them down at a great cost, millions of dollars it costs to tear down the housing. When there's these people who don't have anywhere to live, it just seems odd, doesn't it? I went to a protest a while ago and went inside this housing and it's beautiful, hardwood floors, you know, kitchens. But it's being torn down so this wonderful, saintly woman by the name of Sister Bernie, Sister Bernie Galvin has made an organization called Religious Witness protesting this. And today at 2 o'clock at the synagogue of my dear friend, old friend Rabbi Alan Lu, Beth Shalom on 14th Street in Clement,

[51:31]

there'll be a prayer service and a walk down to that area just to express how we feel and hope that somehow if we witness this and don't ignore it, maybe somebody will think that something could be done. And just, in this case, doing nothing would be doing a lot, not tearing down housing. So anyway, I invite you to join us if you feel like it. So, please, I know all of you in this room are practicing the Way. And I know the activity that you all do in your lives is helping our world. Please continue

[52:33]

to do it and please help each other and let's all together just go on and on this way, just like Dengxiang and Zhaozhou and Baizhang. Thank you very much. May our intention be How's that? That's better, huh? Yeah. Martin asked, what about the decision of Fakala to leave home? Isn't it just like the Buddha's implying, I think? Isn't it kind of like the Buddha's leaving home? You know, who also left his wife and child. You know, there's another version

[53:37]

of the story of the Buddha. Do you know this? This other version of the story of the Buddha leaving home is told in the you know, the story of the Buddha's life is told mostly in the Vinaya, the rules of monastic rules. It's told in bits and pieces by way of telling how they established various rules in the Sangha and so forth. So that's where you find the life of the Buddha. There were different at one time in India there were 18 great sects of Buddhism. And each of the 18 sects had their own canon. And the canon differed somewhat from sect to sect. And one of the key and most important sects was called the Sarvastavadin sect. And they had their own recension of the Vinaya. And in their recension of the Vinaya, they tell the story differently. And I'll tell you in a minute what they tell. But the story that we all know where the Buddha leaves his wife and all that, that's the Theravada version of the canon. The Theravada sect

[54:37]

happened to survive up to the present. And they will tell you that they're the only true and ancient sect and so on. But it just so happened that they survived. You know, I don't think it means that they're truer that they survived. They just so happened to survive. And frankly, I'll tell you that there is a strain in my opinion, in my opinion, I would say, that there is a strain of sourpussness and dislike of women in the Theravada strain, I think. Not to say that all Theravada people that you'll meet have this, but I think that there is, there has been over the centuries, this. So we have gotten that story from them. But it's not the only story. And so what I'm telling you all this is to say that this story that I'm about to tell you is not some fringe story or some made-up story. It's actually a canonical story in another sect that just didn't happen to win the game. Okay? Here's the story. The Buddha,

[55:39]

the night that he decides to leave home, in the Theravada version he sort of looks at his wife and slips out. In this version, he goes into bed with his wife and they make love on the night that he leaves. They don't have a child in this version. But they conceive a child on that night. So then the Buddha goes out to seek his enlightenment and all the same things happen in the story, except that it's one of those, like one of these TV programs or movies where you have like a cut between one story and another. It cuts between the story of the Buddha seeking enlightenment and the story of his wife, Yasodhara, pregnant. And the idea of the story is that there are two parallel and mutually interpenetrating paths and everything that happens to the Buddha along the way of his searching happens to Yasodhara along her pregnancy. They even say, the Buddhists

[56:40]

practice for six years, they even say that her pregnancy lasted for six years. That's what it says in the text. And when the Buddha was like practicing asceticism, she was practicing asceticism and when he was not eating, was only eating one rice grain, she was only eating one rice grain and her father-in-law, Buddha's father and mother got so upset about this that they were doing all these things to get her to eat and everything and finally, just before losing the baby, she did eat, just at the same moment that the Buddha accepted the rice milk and ate. And just at the moment when the Buddha got enlightened under the Bodhi tree, Rahula was born. Same moment. And, you know, in Asian Buddhism they often use etymology of words to give teachings. So, in a Theravada school, the word Rahula, they tell you, comes from some Indo-European root

[57:40]

that means fetter, binding. So, he left home because that's the symbol. But, in the Sarvastivada sect, they say the word Rahula means, I think it means the illumination of the moon because it was a full moon night when Rahula was born and Buddha was enlightened. Totally different story. Completely different story with a totally different feeling. And, I heard this story first from a Buddhist scholar who wrote a big paper on it in which he said that he felt like what the story was telling us in the Sarvastivada sect was that the awakening of a Buddha was not something that an individual did. It was something that involved the whole community and all of a community was part of that awakening. That it wasn't really the story of an individual. That it was the story of a community. And that's how he interpreted the way the story went in the Sarvastivada sect. So, I mean,

[58:41]

both those stories are probably, neither one of them is probably exactly what really happened. Who knows what really happened. But, when I hear the traditional, the one that's the most accepted story of the Buddha, I guess I don't really believe it, somehow. Maybe it's true. In Chinese Buddhism, there's a similar case of the sixth ancestor leaving home. In this case, not a wife and child, but a mother that he was devoted to. And, in the Chinese sutra, it says that after he secured someone, somehow to take care of his mother, he left and started practicing. So, that's just how I choose to look at it. Somebody else might say, with a lot of truth to it, that, yes, sometimes we do have to leave our family, leave some love in our lives behind in order

[59:42]

to seek the path. And there's that too. There is that too. So, I don't deny that. Sometimes there are hard choices. And sometimes there are certainly examples of people who have families and look within their hearts and find that it's not really right for them. You know, it really isn't. They really do have something else they need to do and leave their families. But, for our own reality here, the truth of the matter is that, you know, in those days, being an ascetic and being a celibate wanderer was the only way to practice. In our context, it's a marginal way to practice. I mean, not very many people do that. And, in fact, there's enormous practice available for householders. So, I think it does not serve us to put in our heads a dream of some, you know, in other words, the real Dharma

[60:43]

is to leave home and not be a householder when 99% of the people who are practicing Buddhism in our culture are householders. Not to say that there aren't enormous problems with trying to practice and be a householder. It's really difficult, but there's also problems if you try to be a celibate in practice. So, I think we need to honor both paths, you know. I, myself, am in favor of increased strictness within our residential Sangha around sexual issues. I think there should be celibacy at certain times, in certain situations, and there should be options for people to take commitments of celibacy, and that's a positive thing. But, to say that that's the only way to practice and that's the Buddha, you know, everybody who isn't doing that is somehow lesser, I think this would be a poisonous actually attitude for us to have. It would really be bad. So,

[61:43]

anyway, I thought you'd like... Isn't it a nice story, that other story? Yes? Yes. [...] Well, I think, actually, that's a wonderfully instructive incident, you know, because I agree with Bob, I think that's true, we don't realize today what an incredibly radical thing the Buddha did when he said that, because the Indians had a strong tradition of honoring ascetics,

[62:45]

so that if you were an ascetic, a king would pay homage to you, because the religious ascetics were really a very high class of people, and only certain people could join the ascetic sects, so that social class and religious class were identical in ancient India. So when the Buddha said anybody can join our order, no matter what social class they were from, it's hard for us to appreciate how radical that was. I mean we have a society in which anyway theoretically anybody can do anything, right? But for the Buddha to have done that was really, really radical as a social program, it was incredibly radical, because there was the case, there would be many cases in the old texts that talk about it, where somebody who was a prince, and there were a lot of Brahmins and other royal types who were in the Buddhist Sangha, but somebody who was a prince would have joined the order after

[63:47]

somebody who was a shoemaker, and that prince would have to take instruction from the shoemaker and bow to the shoemaker and make offerings and so on, and that was like totally out there. So I think that it wasn't easy probably to sustain that, so perhaps the Buddha, I mean he could have been also culturally blind as well, and also had a prejudice about, and I think there are indications in the Theravada recension of the canon that indicate that, but we can be generous and say, well maybe it was more like he just didn't want to go too far too fast, but the part that I think is great is that he did it. He did in fact begin to ordain women, in other words he listened to people who told him that this is not a good idea and this is wrong and it should happen and so on, and to me that's the beautiful part about it. It's almost like it was worth him resisting it, because that happens to

[64:49]

me, sometimes I say we should practice like this and somebody says no, [...] and then if I stick to my views, I mean to me it's a great, I feel like a great victory in my own practice, when I can turn and say, gee you're right, that was better than my idea, thank you very much and let's do it that way. So I feel like wow, that's wonderful, if I can really see it that way. So to me I love that story, that the Buddha really thought something was wrong, maybe he was wrong-headed about it, maybe he really was blinded and he saw something, because other people pointed it out to him. And what did it, ultimately was he looked at the women who were seeking ordination, and they were steady and they were firm and they were insistent, they weren't disrespectful, but they were really, they kept after it and after it and after it, little by little by little, year by year by year and he finally said, wow, how can I possibly say no, I have to say yes, I was wrong. So

[65:54]

maybe when you look back on it, whether the Buddha intended this or not, the fact of the matter is, that by going through all that they went through toward ordination, the women probably showed not only the Buddha, but a lot of other people, where they were really at. If he had agreed to it right away, other people would have said, oh, what is he doing? No wonder this sect that's so crazy to begin with, with admitting all these people in there now, look at what they're doing now, and look these women are not serious and so on. But I think by the time that he got around to ordaining women, I think that the evidence was there for everybody to see, that this was very serious and couldn't be denied. So who knows what, I mean teachers make mistakes and I think the Buddha made mistakes too, and it's hard to know. I mean, from the Tibetan tradition, the Buddha is considered omniscient and all kind of like perfect, so the Buddha could never make a mistake. But I would say that the Buddha might have made mistakes, he might have screwed up, and the victory

[67:01]

would be, could he see that he was wrong and change? So I like to think of it that way. There were a whole lot, many, many, many women arhats, many, many, and that's what we're doing in our service, is we're now chanting the names of the early women arhats, chanting the Zen lineage up to a certain point, which is all men, and then we're ending that, and then we're making another bridge to that, and then we're chanting the names of the women arhats who are mentioned, although there are more than the ones mentioned, but there's a whole bunch of them. Yes, in the back. Yes, well, you know, in our practice, we start with sitting, that simple act of sitting down

[68:42]

that I was talking about, and there are many, many, many other practices that come from that, but that practice of just sitting in the way that I was describing is the basis of all the other practices. It makes all the other practices come to life. So I would say, if you're beginning and you're wondering how to work on this more, I would say, just start sitting. Just sit down and come to get instruction of how to sit, and come here and sit, or wherever you are, go sit, and sit at home, and just sit, and out of your sitting, one thing will lead to another. You'll see. But if I tell you to do this, do that, do the other thing, I'll give you a tremendous number of bright ideas, and you'll go home with all these ideas, and then pretty soon, the wind will come and blow them all away, because that's what happens. But when you just sit down, and sit, and sit, and sit, and devote yourself to that, it gets rooted and it gets grounded, and then if one little bright idea floats up, it's really

[69:44]

there, and it doesn't blow away so fast. So Buddhism is a vast compendium and encyclopedia of practices for mind and body, enormous number of practices that we could call on, but at least from the standpoint of our Zen tradition, they're all rooted in this sitting practice, and it's transformative, it really is, and it's very real. It's not, like I say, some great program that you do, and then, wow, look at that, it's just everyday life, day by day by day, so I recommend and urge you to try it, and see what you think. Maybe something like this, sit down and make a plan for yourself that you'll sit for a month, a certain number of times, a certain way, you'll do it, even if you don't feel like it, you'll do it, and then at the end of the month, see what you think, and then do it for another month, or say, well, that's not for me, do something else, because if you just do it like when

[70:48]

it feels good, when you feel like it, it's not really a sitting practice. Sitting practice is steady and firm and cuts through, see, we're so bamboozled by our desires, you know, I like this, I don't like that, I'm in the mood, I'm not in the mood, this is the whole problem, right? So sitting cuts through that, it's just, well, I'm in the mood, I sit, I'm not in the mood, I sit, I'm happy, I sit, I'm sad, I sit, I need to sit, I sit, I don't need to sit, I sit, you know, a month with that spirit, and then see what happens. So I recommend that to you and anybody else who is beginning practice, and of course, use the temples to help, you know, bolster and encourage your sitting. A lot of people, I think, come and sit on Sunday mornings and sit at home or sit in smaller groups and come together and sit, and it encourages people's practice. Yes? This question is a little bit about today, but more about the talk you gave about patience last practice period, as forbearance as opposed to putting a hold button until it's over.

[71:54]

Yeah, yeah. And holding that, giving up hope for forbearance with, and I'd like to relate it to chronic illness, where it's clear that attitude, positive attitude, belief that you're getting well, all those things are going to work, have significant impact on recovery, and whether you extend that to other behaviors or not. Can you talk a little bit about maintaining that place of giving up hope or forbearance, with also maintaining this positive belief system, it's more than just a positive attitude. Could you hear what she was saying? She's talking about a different, not talking about what we are, the subject for today, but some time ago, I guess I must have given a talk

[72:57]

about patience or forbearance, which is one of the many practices of Buddhism, and she was asking me to say more about that particular practice, with particular reference to the case of illness, where you're trying to cultivate a positive attitude, and yet forbearance means that you have to have a steady attitude, whether it's positive or negative. Is that more or less close? Yeah. Well, forbearance or endurance is one of the six paramitas, one of the six great practices of the Bodhisattva toward developing compassion, and forbearance means to endure and be present with whatever arises, whether it's good or bad, painful or pleasant. So, I think the practice of patience is rooted in impermanence, in the certain knowledge

[74:10]

that all things that arise pass away. So if we're ill, we know that whether we become better or not, this body passes away, and to have some appreciation of that and some acceptance of that, I think to me, is the bottom line. So, going back to that bottom line over and over again, and really that bottom line is activated simply by observing our mind on a moment-by-moment basis, because every thought that arises in our mind disappears. Another similar one might come up, but the one that arises in our mind disappears. Our attitudes, our loves, our hates, all disappear, and just by being present, we notice that everything arises and disappears, and that's the way the world is, that's the way I am, that's the way you are, that's the way everything and everyone is. And, this illness that I have is the same way too. It will go away, definitely, one way or the other. So you

[75:18]

have to go back to that over and over and over again, because that's realistic, that has nothing to do with whether you get better or not. So you have to see that, and you have to appreciate that, and then you can save yourself. Out of my appreciation for this, I know that my life is precious, and it's so fortunate that I have this life, and I want to use it for the benefit of others, and for my own enjoyment, so I want to try to get better. And here's what I'm going to do, A, B, C, D, in terms of training my own mind to have positive thoughts, in terms of medications that I take, exercise, whatever it is that I do, I'm really going to do that. And then you try your best to do that, and when you have discouraging thoughts, or when it's not working or whatever, you go back to the basis, everything's impermanent. And that gives you a kind of steadiness and a kind of strength, because if you think this medication is going to be everything and I put my faith in it and it doesn't work, then you plunge into despair. This way you know, well something

[76:21]

might work and it might not, and if this doesn't work, I'm going to try something else, ultimately this body will pass away. So, you see, there's a certain bottom line of strength and sanity in that, in seeing that. So then we make our best efforts. I mean, you know, we try our best to get better and to do whatever we can, and try this, try that, but if we come to this patience and this patience with impermanence, we will be able to sustain those efforts, whether certain things work and certain things don't. So, our illness, in this case, can be a very powerful incentive for us to practice, because if we're not ill, it's easy to distract ourselves, because hey, things are going pretty well, and you know, well, I could go practice on this Saturday, but why practice, you know, I mean, there's this great thing going on in the city and all that, but if you're ill, you think, forget it, I can't go to the city,

[77:22]

I don't feel well enough. I have this desperate situation, I have to tend to it. There's no choice, really, but for me to tend to my spiritual development. There's no choice. It's true for all of us, but we forget. If we have a reminder like that in our lives, it's really in many ways a benefit, because in the long run, taking care of our spiritual side is the most fundamental thing, because that's where we really live, and everything else disappears, but the fruit of our action and the fruit of our mind goes on. So, that's what we should be taking care of, that's what we should not ignore. So, I hope that speaks to it to some extent. Yes? I'm unable to walk with you this afternoon about the housing, but I did write a letter to somebody talking to the rest of us. Well, send it to the Religious Witness with the Homeless, that's the name of the organization

[78:25]

in San Francisco, and I'm sorry I don't have the address in my head, but they're probably in the phone book under that name, and if you send letters to them, they will send them, forward them, copy them, send them to different... They encourage people to do a lot of postcards and letters to different local assembly people and Congress people and so on. They've done a lot of that, so that would help. Is Willie Brown, Senator Williams, involved in that? I think Cecil Williams is, although I'm not entirely positive. I don't know that he's coming today, but I think he is. Willie Brown was involved and now remains busy with other things. And it would appear, although I don't really know, I mean, I don't know anything about this, but I would think that... See, this housing, as someone pointed out to me in the audience at the Tea today, who's a real estate person, pointed out to me what

[79:27]

I already knew, which is that this housing that they're tearing down is right next to the most expensive real estate in San Francisco, in the Pacific Heights. So, there are people who live there who probably would not be thrilled at the idea that this would be turned over to homeless people. So, this is the reality of our world. Probably, I mean, I'm making this up entirely, right, but maybe Willie Brown is thinking at this very moment, well, you know, I'd sure like to go over there and join those nice religious witness for the homeless, but I can do a lot of good as mayor, but I can blow it completely if I lose my support. And so, these people are pretty powerful and they gave a lot of money to the campaign. Maybe next time they'll give more, and if I stay mayor for a while, you know, I have all these plans and we could do a lot of good. So, maybe I just won't say anything about

[80:30]

the religious witness with the homeless, and maybe I'm busy doing other duties this afternoon and I can't go over there. Maybe he's thinking that, I don't know. And maybe not, maybe he's I know at one time he was going to the meetings, actually, and he thought it was this great idea that this housing could be used for that purpose at one point in the discussion, but then he sort of like stopped answering phone calls at a certain point, I hear. So, that's just, I mean, are you surprised? Anybody surprised? Shocked? No, that's our world. The paradox of that is here in Marin, we have a similar situation in Hamilton, but here we're contemplating spending, they want to spend 2.5 million dollars building a brand new building in Hamilton that has dozens of buildings being utilized. Yeah, I know. It's always, to me, it's always sad, especially when you think about, like

[81:35]

we were having orientation for our practice period the other day, and our Tanto, head of practice, was speaking to the group about recycling, and it was really just a great thing. He said, everything that you put in, you see, he was explaining, this can be recycled and that can be recycled, and this can be recycled and so on, and we have this big recycle, but he said these certain things, and he enumerated these many things, can't be recycled. So, he said, you should know that when you put that in the trash, that means that someone will bury it in the earth, that that's what will happen to it, it will be buried in the earth. So, it always, to me, when anything that is thrown away that could be fixed, you know, it's a shame. But of course, so many things now are unfeasible to fix them. This is one of the great problems that I always think about, like all electronic stuff, you know, all this stuff, all computers, VCRs and television sets and all that, you can't fix that anymore. I mean, you can fix it, but it costs more to fix it than to buy a

[82:38]

new one, so you throw it out. And I just, to me, that's, I mean, I do it too, right, because I can't afford to fix it, so I throw it out, and I always feel a great grief about that, like, why can't we fix this? Can't we go and, how come there aren't a lot of people repairing all this stuff, and how come it's not more economically feasible? And in fact, see, my theory of economics is that the reality is it is more economically feasible to fix it than it is to throw it out. It's just that business accounting doesn't take into account the actual costs of doing business. So, there should be a line in the accounting system that says, blah, blah, blah, so many tons of TVs thrown away, that's the cost of such and such and so-and-so, whoops, we thought we made a profit, but we're actually losing money. You don't include that part. So, I think that actually, I mean, it's obvious, right, I was saying our treasure is in diversity, right, we're losing money. I mean, world business is losing money hand over fist, right, because, so anyway, it really is more efficient to

[83:41]

fix it than to make a new one, but according to our limited concept of economics, it doesn't make sense, and so we continue to, I mean, think of all the stuff that gets buried in the ground, you know. I think I prefer it in Mexico where they just throw it, you know, and you drive by and you see it all blowing around on the street. No, really, I mean, I think that's better. I actually prefer that. Like, I remember one time driving down, I'm rattling on here, aren't I? My God. One time driving down the coast to Baja California, my family and I, we used to drive to Baja, and I remember driving by, you know, like Los Angeles and San Diego and all the way down, and then entering Mexico, and like, you know, you go by San Diego and these gigantic machines are building big houses, they're coming up, beautiful, spanking new houses and things are being bulldozed away. You go down south, and these houses are sort of slowly and gently sort of sinking into the earth. Somebody moved out, they just left them there, and they're just gradually getting more and more smooth and wearing down, and somebody's garbage is blowing along the road,

[84:45]

an old car is just sitting there, been there for 25, 30 years. I actually prefer that. I noticed, I remember because I was writing in my journal, you know, how much more comfortable it is to be around the stuff that we're throwing out than to bury it somewhere where nobody can see it, where it's in giant pits someplace, and they're just taking huge pieces of land and denying them any kind of existence, burying garbage in gigantic machines. You could go to the dump sometime in San Rafael, they have tours, you know. You can go up there. My wife takes her class, her fifth grade class, to the dump all the time, and see how they, all the stuff. She has a project in her class where, for a week, I think she still does this, she says, you have to carry your garbage around with you wherever you go, including the teacher. Everybody does. So they carry the garbage bag, and when they have something that's not recyclable, they put it in the garbage bag and they carry it with them, you know, for the week. By the end of the week, they look and see what they have, and how much

[85:50]

they have. How much does one, you know, ten-year-old child put in the hole, you know, for that week. What was the question?

[85:59]

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