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Women's Sesshin


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good morning everybody
puddles of humor
haven't met me my name's megan collins
she'll get through meal with them
do i need to move this the more half that better
i'm so think it's so much for inviting me to lead this wonderful morning
formerly it's never been hard for me to a ride a cock which i give from once in a while
but this one
oh you know elena needs the water
but this one has been because i am
i really don't know at this point in my life what it's like being a woman in the current world
i'm i'm dealing with the an old
and i lived mostly in the company of widows
most of my companions
and age mates still have very bright minds and a lavish who are definitely for
and they're they're know what i used to call stock clocks among amina faith
i haven't some people just get to a certain age and then they live mostly in the past sale however
a different visual art de vivre about the future but ah
i am i
oh but still were mostly dealing with me and old more than the business of the and women but i do have some things to say about their and then i'm going to ask some questions a few or a crush you know better than i the world of today
my cover of from the world war two generation
ah and that made a seismic change and the life of women
before that will among women stayed home and re reared their children and a with some exceptions of course it's a necessity but
the war of the young man were gone to the war in the army or navy and the
the are they were just things that had to be done
and of the women had to do them one of my friends or was a ferry pilot and she flew planes all over the country from you know where they were needed from here there
i myself in the summers when i was in college was a copy boy at the new york times to have a girl doing that was unheard of before the war
and then
of course after that we didn't wanna go back to in v is secluded way that we have them and a lot of women were barred from there is kinds of professions i i myself never
suffered from not being able to do what i want to do because i never wanted to be anything but a rider and that's always been open to women since the time of them are on tastes as versus and even before
but when i was young there was were big hurdles in the way of women who were under to be a doctor or a lawyer or god for their an engine here
a friend of mine who was a college professor in the sixties at a massachusetts university told me that it was considered an unusual high honor for her to have tenure
but any old simple wind and jolt of a man that have to an air of it for her she was supposed to be honored that she could even be a professor at that place and bidding at nabbing ten was just really super super privileged
the last time i was briefly in the hospital all the young interns who came to attend to me were young asian women and when i commented on one of them to that she told me that now sixty percent of
the students in medical school are women
but when i was in college there was a sort of peculiar double vision that they had about what women or should young women were supposed to do
yeah you we went to college in you've you could choose a career
as something difficult to study and then after you got out you you might work at it a few years until you got married and had children but then you were expected to stay home and take care of the children
ah with a few exceptions some of them were some determined
the women who would keep at it but to by enlarge that was the powder
so all that
our knowledge was supposed that you know you have your career and your studies and college who was supposed to be put into the service of charitable the a work you could work for the league of women voters or whatever but
i can still hear the in builder sleeve that you know it's saying that you should use your your your college it learning to be involved in charities and two girls have bowed don't be a potato
an sff
so i am
and and there was still a lot of biased and about women who didn't marry
ah she was looked down on and the kind of over a condescending way and called an old maid or spinster and the n and stood outside the main stream of a society in a way that film
that unmarried men never never had to put up with
there used to be a genre of movies in those days about spirited independent women and katherine hepburn was always fifty fifty one if it was at rosalind russell and and they were a
you know in in know
a kind of combat with with but men for their position and and considered rebellious but in the end they always had to bow down you know that they come subservient to spencer tracy ear
have a
whoever it was cary grant
and it's social life we had the day for my parents were really a very liberal with me at home and i never suggested that i shouldn't say whatever i saw them and enter the conversation but still the mothers include
adding mine would warn you don't ever beat a man and ping-pong
and above all if you were intelligent you were advised not to show it because you might make some man feel inferior
ah i remember when i was at young married woman we were living in north carolina and are some discussion was going on about the norman conquests than the day was in question and i said to ten sixty six
and then later on in that same group
the man who had been unsure of the of the norman conquest states said something about another date and he said but i don't really know and another man and then group said well don't worry megan will tell you
and i you know i really felt
flashed by that
i wouldn't mention a movie it wasn't really well received but i liked it i was called avatar and it was an unusually beautiful a kind of
what are they you know like
and n had these blue people that lived in the trees and at the thing i remember about that list that the way they greeted one another was not to say hello they would say i see you i see you and that made it
i'm a huge impression on me because i'm
i think that's what many women in our society just do not as if they are seen especially when you're not the young and gorgeous anymore
ah middle aged women or of that there
oh you just become kind of invisible and that got to be very wounding to the spirits and i'm sure minorities feel the same way that features just not seen
so but one thing we can do about that we can resolve to see everybody that we can see we can look and see and the world
i was really struck i went to hawaii in the early spring and there was an atmosphere about that place that that i could feel among the people and somebody told me well that's what a lot means
aloha doesn't just mean hello goodbye it's a on a generosity or a
sub the spirit towards other people and we could import some of the but sign the pineapple to the mainland a cliff a better
so i'm
i'm still i always feel that we iron pay for women women are my generation oh a big vote of thanks to our daughter's generation because in the sixties they decided they weren't gonna put up with as anymore and they
he marched and they were mocked about burning browse and stuff but they are they organized and and it made a difference but i noticed that doctors now no longer act like mr god that in the mail ones and
as a like mr god as much as they used to them talk to an answer your questions in it's a it's it's a change it's a change
i am
so in the early days of of basic see when i first came which was in the late seventies
and and going on and the early eighties we will we were still pretty new being over here
we started in of in a little victorian house self around white way where male lived and and the
liz and the zendo was in the attic and you'd have to be awfully careful when you stood up that you didn't bump your head on the ceiling as slamming ceiling but it was it a lovely little than though a lovely place and then we moved over here
ah and the atmosphere as i remember it at first was it was a little bit patterned on the japanese monastic a kind of system
now i never felt that male himself had felt any discrimination toward women
personally however all the major of practice physicians were man and a ah
there were no women priests melee scott and friend tribe we have to thank for changing that they
a leap
a frameless a little a
she was very strong i'm not saying that but her her way of going about things was maybe a little milder than maley but maley man and it wasn't gonna be in a man ruling the world with a effort of which is around and l
and that was true at the three the others and centers bz see him and toss our as well the the men were on a just in all the major roles and
so and also that the way that that started when i first began to sit here you come in and get on the time and
and that somebody might pass behind you and you would just know that was by their body language
because you had been sitting with them for a couple of years or more but you might not know their name or ever have spoken to them
and nearly decided to start a women's group and we we would meet
sometimes elsewhere from here i can't remember whose house but but it it was a very strong group and from that beginning then
he was an ordain them but but then that's what began to make the difference that we began to know each other and talk to each other and have so you have ideas about things that we will discuss it or it began to
the to change this envelope as an endless ways of being here
ah and and another person i think who was influential was a does teacher in a marine stewart she she was the head of the cambridge and center in massachusetts a wonderful woman oh hi miss
her but unfortunately she died pretty young a breast cancer but she came out here one time who anybody else go to that sashaying she had over and oliva
yeah yeah yeah
wonderful isn't it
and a that that was the kind of first time we had had that kind of of a gathering and ah she ah
a she she her being here made a difference afterwards
so let's
so i'm okay are all that being said
i'd like to move on to some questions
and ah
i'd like to know they do any do any of you feel like your status as a woman has changed at all during your adult life is a better or worse or anyone wanna speak to that yes



may i ask what country that is

okay here
well as
we've become invisible that know they did nobody sees you anymore here
yeah so
i think it's hard i think you brought this up that
ocean between me
what's worse
i just find that disability
and i find that i do need and willing to assert myself where i feel that
the of seeing a woman but i also find it's about being all and sure
i i am i agree with you you'd be amazed how often people come in on my stick when i'm out in the street people will say something about it
i want to know
what type of life
when i write down a trade off
women's ashes lecture for that's not very
we can do better than that
oh did you have an idea about the
i see you a that's great thank you yeah i like that too i know that
now i think we have enough of and elsewhere
so what are the things that i've only recently
become very clear about i have a lot like
you can save you
easy but ah i thought that i was an exception to impressed when when i was a young adult one i thought i was an exception to be because that's when feminists force first way
i've done whatever i wanted i thought i'd gotten power the intellectual world and blah blah world i've traveled in on thought that
it was good thing that women standing up to their rights and organizing but it really i was an exception that's what i thought when i was so long it took one one time for me to understand how i was wrong i just want to mention how i was wrong
i humiliate people have this experience have to are both sides i have to fight and become strong and prove that i could win over all the biases in a fresh at the same time i haven't made myself attractive i have
succeed in a feminine way and the tension of that just about killed me and i didn't know it
you haven't won just once small until i would as a young woman always be looking to see if somebody had wedding ring on and up to this day i have that habit they have a wedding ring on her face seeded have they made it because otherwise you're a figure that
launch it's really hard to point out that condition of hispanic
yeah i'd like to put in at that when i was a a
i'm just telling you the cataract surgery is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you i had had ten per cent vision before i had my cataract surgery i couldn't see the baby on the
on the chart when when i was a youngster there were no contact lenses yet and i had those kind of glasses that have the bible bottom but as you say lender it is the job of a young girl young woman to be attractive that's your
job and i would gather around the world without a laugh than half the time and i i know i had the reputation and school of being a terrific snob because save somebody at the distance of romney would wave to me i wouldn't
see it so
that that that that pressure on you to be pretty and attractive and also a l a at he wanted to do well and and at studies because you could and it was a
offer gay
yeah lisa
still going through the process ecology
because there is a team inner condition
that is acknowledged it as girl
by my life
hmm is something we're talking about the was i have to buy into every male value to make it even more so and i had to compare myself constantly always a last stand
status and only after having children entering the women's world and understanding that there was
interwoven support system
but i had wished away so much that i didn't even know existed until i and then
so there has continued as they get older
oh to the point where i'm wondering
how are we going to me the men and women together because to styles are so different
so the horizontal illness of the women's royal the feeling that is the fact is very sad
playing field is level
because we are all suffering fees we are all imperfect all of the nature to get ill and die
and women are really holding that and fan gets desire most of their lives
because it's all still about
higher or lower i run for off at fact is more important
my sense of wellbeing
than anything else will they have to really and mineral
no i know it didn't know i don't think so i think them the men competitive you know in the working world the in in i know in the corporate world a few work and you've gotta watch your back if
women men or women but of course men have been in that so it's it's it's that vulnerability that you cannot have in order to compete with other man in in corporate the rivalry
yeah willits murray and then about today
i'm in a generation where when i was coming i was one of two women
ah but later either endless my teacher
was harder to study psychology
said she was what was the only and when she would walk into the psychology village know that there was none of that
there is a kind of structural
that has existed for a long time that i think has changed
i lived in his cage
the way that i see it now is that
i'm hearing a lot
about his all english
the one example that as
your about how we were coming into figuring out
the president vice president and treasurer
and reaction was
whenever a cast of characters was suggested oh my god the women
getting there are going to be a whole slew of no reason to san francisco's ever and here i mean that was that was getting
i've ever seen
each gender kids the energy
but we actually sort of managed to not have the ceiling ball game around
i don't know if anybody's know exposed them
since year
and judy
yeah well
i just really enjoy the spirit of you
the south
ever wanted to give a shout out
so call it was and speak i jumped at the ash
rebel refuge
and i
i'm in fortunate to be in a lot of typical circumstances where i had to mph that has stretched the first time i was working
in an environment where there was a large transfer
mostly transparent
that my reality while

you know and now i feel like there's a great refuge and the whole
gender fluidity sexual
conversation around
what to call it jenny choice
or something because i feel like when i really touched me a nature
my have so i sometimes if the building in their boots shocker
in energy tower and do i call that the hell something like that because area
assertiveness theory
cocky or do i call it hours
such as frameless you know that sometimes assertive and receptive car didn't ask them service receive something about a flaw either by that is definitely have it in area
ever changing nature he got of the mara
the others know and i feel like that that has to be a really important part is conversation are not to mention that raises construct and had lived with it had someone song
because i get concerned sometimes in our gatherings like this the how do we do that
true nature
in conversation that has no gender well this this fully inclusive the to look at it and yet there's a real thing walk out the store how am i going to need how they're going to do that i see and how you can use nine
don't know and identity action really cheap
play out
yeah penelope
give meaning to i see you
f f
if an empty experience of those veterans receiving end and assembly really feel that is not using you feel actually starting to see him when is very far from home
no it's actually something better things came up from here for as you were speaking and i remember my mom always a church near sydney and turning the word of a hospital so in charge of a lot of people but she had to stand up and the doctor king
response was flown and circuit to in chicago
and everything that grows grippy and she were speaking obviously single mom by choice before the way for that starting and
illustrated a healthy sprint and panthers times and expressing but air and other instead to think that find that
when their face be something of that order so i think it always forget this goes way back in the first place it
this round of with of
that was actually quite threatening power
not necessarily in a team in the champions
yes yeah stephanie
a little loud of fleet
you are

took your state
really hard
he said something like lisa
how did i remember feeling i have that that shipping
hi howard
okay i'm touched with that macro as sleep
chow said
the another
the thing that's helped
is that sense of myself
i wish i cultivated through
this practice
recently doing
so i want
because it creates an energy
will thank you very very much i i don't worry i don't remember this occasion with i do so or something
that doesn't really sound like me
have to bang games like finn and the taylor's about fa
sierra yeah count county i'm sorry
i wanted to
pipelines that just express gratitude for all of you here and as a younger person who has
really entered the
i am super grateful for the way women have had i've charted a course
i feel free
the other thing i want that kind of talk about it as my experience someone
isn't that all is little data
i see you and
and then
i feel like they're still not a lot of work
ah and that can
just say oh yeah we did that just just with that phrase there's still you know there's still an i like kinds of
have to balance and you're so
he you know that beautiful more attractive young person and hotel
there's still that air
yeah i mean i just think that that that structured examination by selfie there is something
we always sort of half
whatever and and on top of that
oh yes jerry something
i was
entering medical school i went i went to college i
the college i thought i love universe
right future
and as part of that i local
hospital and the nurses couple of the nurses there said
nurse at that time versus with aids you you can be a doctor and so it was these other women nurses who said you can be a doctor nobody in my was the first person
ah family to to go to college and would understand it wasn't coming from a fan of the nurses and the sister that a person
and when i went to college there were three of us that to a women's college this i didn't want me i felt women couldn't how are you
i wanted to support remember
and i was a chemistry major have three of us have wanted to
percent to three of us from three cabbie majors because she had have all these classes
and then does the person was ahead of that group told us we should not go to get better chemistry
so then i went to medical i was trying to get into medical school and at that time they were making to women and a classic one hundred going to medical school
and i had a very interesting interview at harvard where the person said to me you we don't really take them with because you are through scientific evidence that women don't finish and women are you know john class fitness and what do you think you you
just called the pressure they especially didn't try
i didn't go there because he did you know i feel the pressure and
for i want what i noticed
when i'm finished medical school and get rewards ah it was there were just no way
rauner's but the nurses were my savior's get the sister who thing the nurses were my saviors and the nurses were all sorts of vs severity
they all
they asked supported and you know if i could actually talk to the nurses without what jerks that them
so it was the support of other women
and by the time i got out
president ceo is it was all it was starting to be a women's support group which was also that they were only a few doctors but the nurses all harvest together and it really made a huge difference in terms of not getting into the hierarchy you know having a kind of the voluntary and experience
the women's group and else
that that kind of bolstered
well my experience when it came out to berkeley and is how the galpin women support
and all left so it's always been there was a medical committee for the rights of women there will always these realizations
and they were all sorts of people you know
and so i just for me this there's this issue of importance of critical nature of
life continues to even get older deal with
it's always a system with us
well thank you good to hear that
let's see i say the time is up
ah i wonder if there's
one other thing i had several more questions that this
a larger share those are all right maybe i'll just do that and you can think about them we don't need to talk about mm
well i did the first one do you feel like your status is changing in our adult life if you are married are there questions about the balance of status between you and your husband
oh yeah oh no because that's men were talking about
no i mean the well but i was
this this was not about the marriage i know i've of course everybody as partners in but but i was specifically thinking of marriage between your man and a woman but anyway
what is the balance of house care cooking childcare between you and m does he help some a lot
are there any issues about female status in your workplace
any issues that bc see
any issues in your general society
did you have any question i did not bring up maybe you
maybe you could just tell me that that if you have one so i can think of think about it and he yeah
i didn't i'm sorry i didn't hear
what is it to be a woman
all right thank you so much