Good morning. I'm very happy to introduce today's speaker, David Weinberg. His dharma name is Kan Kai Mu Ji, which means observe ocean, no sign. He started practicing at San Francisco Zen Center in 1978, and he was ordained as a priest by Sojin in 1999, and was Chuso here in 2000. has been a Tenzo at Berkeley's M Center, and he's been on the board. And he is soon to be treasurer. And outside of here, he teaches stress reduction courses. And he's the leader of the Ocean Sangha in Berkeley. So thank you for speaking to him. Good morning. My name is David. Where are my students?

[01:00]

Good morning. My name is David. Hi, David. My students and I are conditioned to speak that way. Whenever we speak in class, we say, hi, I'm David. And at least I do. And then everyone else says, hi, David. So it's this kind of call and response. What's your name? Um, Leo. Hi, Leo. Like that. Hi, David. Well, this is great. This is a Kids Zendo Day. Are you two the representatives of Kids Zendo? Wow. That's a big burden to represent everybody. Yeah, and what is your name? Mira.

[02:03]

Mira. Mira and? Leo. Leo. Leo. Leo and Mira. Wonderful. What an honor to have you here. It's kind of a special time of year, isn't it? What's coming pretty soon? Winter. Huh? Winter. Winter, yes. That's true. Are there any holidays coming? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. My birthday. Your birthday? Congratulations. That's wonderful. Yeah, Thanksgiving and Christmas and Kwanzaa and then New Year's. Yeah.

[03:04]

Hanukkah. Hanukkah. Thank you. David Weinberg. Thank you. and Rohatsu. Keep it coming. Yeah. Some of these holidays, which are coming, there's a lot of excitement, wonderful things, feelings.

[04:30]

What do you feel? Happy. Happy? This is my favorite time of year. It is? Yeah, me too. Yeah. Thanksgiving. What do you feel around Thanksgiving? Thankful. Thankful. Yeah. What a wonderful feeling. Yeah. And how about you? Um, I feel, um, happy. Happy, yeah. Happy. And there's the prospect of gifts coming. And good food and being close to your families. A lot of wonderful things. Yeah. Are there other kinds of feelings too? I don't know, maybe sad? A little sad? Yeah. Interesting. Do you know what that's about? Do you know what it is?

[05:33]

No. How about you, honey? No. Uh-huh. You don't feel sad? No. Oh, good. Yeah. It's a mixture of feelings that happen this time of year. The older you get, the bigger the mixture. The more mixed feelings there are. And that's partly what we're going to talk about today. Do you stay for the whole talk or do you leave at a certain point? I leave. You leave, okay. You'll come here and then we'll hear it remotely. Oh, and then you'll hear it remotely. I'm glad you told me that. If we're listening. Yeah. Well. About 10 minutes for them to be here.

[06:34]

Okay. You excuse them whenever you are ready. Alright. So some adult feelings and emotions are the one you mentioned, gratitude. Gratitude is a kind of fancy word for being thankful. And at Christmas, it's a sense of redemption, redeeming. It's a time of celebration and things that haven't gone so well during the year. There's a chance to kind of revisit them, see them, think about them, and in a way to let them go so that there's room for new feelings. Celebration, Kwanzaa. Lots of celebration of where we came from and our particular traditions of our families and our people.

[07:44]

And Christmas and New Years, it's the return of the light. Even at Christmas, it's so dark, you know. But it's the promise of light. What about Hanukkah? What about Hanukkah? What would you say about Hanukkah? Isn't Hanukkah about light too? Yeah. Also about light. Interesting, isn't it? Hanukkah and Christmas and New Years. all about the coming of light, a lot of promise. Now starts the adult part. Who's your friend? Oh, who's my friend? Did you wonder that too? What's she doing there?

[08:48]

She's breathing fire. She's breathing fire. So did you warm up your water? Did it warm up my water? Yeah. A little bit. It took the chill off. That's what I needed. And she gets pretty hot and thirsty. I mean with that fire. That fire hasn't changed a bit. It just keeps coming out. Fire. A dragon. I mean, she's really there, isn't she? I mean, that's a real plastic dragon. I have a lot of them at home. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. I just have one. It goes everywhere with you. This plastic dragon is real and not real. Because, I don't know, outside of here you don't see too many dragons, plastic or otherwise, flying around.

[10:00]

But we sort of know what dragons are anyway. Yeah. Yeah. In our world, in Europe and America and so on, we think of dragons as fierce and scary and something to, if you can, get rid of them. That's not what I think. Apparently not, if you have a whole bunch of them. I can see that. You're a collector. So you see the good, the possibility in dragons. And people in Asia, many people, I don't know about all of them, but some of them see that too. In fact, in Buddhism, things like dragons and fierce creatures that would usually be quite scary, you know, with big teeth, Yeah, I have actually fairly big teeth.

[11:06]

Canines. We kill them. In the West, we try to get rid of them. Right? Slay them. We have a book about dragons. What's that? We have a book about all the tea dragons. Yeah? Yeah. Do they all get slain? Not all of them, but they're mostly good. They're mostly good. Yeah, there's Asian stories, and then there's European stories. Yes. And in the Asian stories, the idea is to tame dragons. Yeah. To kind of calm them down a little bit. I don't know how tame this one is, yet it's... It's pretty tame. I've had it on my desk for some years, and it has yet to cause any problems. Sometimes I wonder about having it close to my computer, but I think it doesn't cause problems.

[12:08]

I think it's tamed. So the idea is to tame the dragon. So the dragon is not one thing and it's not another. It's not really fierce and awful, although it looks that way. It's also a helper, a protector. If you needed somebody to protect you, how about one of those about six feet tall? That would be good protection. So, a lot of what I'm going to talk about today is kind of like dragons, sort of real, sort of not real. Sometimes you see it this way, sometimes you see it that way. Not a fixed thing, we say. Not just one thing. So, I brought the dragon. Plus it's keeping me company. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous about giving a talk to all these people.

[13:21]

I know many, many, almost all these people and their friends and they're all looking at me expectantly those who aren't looking down like that I don't know what they're thinking maybe they're thinking they're getting ready to fall asleep but so I feel some nervousness and that's kind of self-centered basically it's because I'm not worried about them I'm worried about me I'm worried about what they'll think of me, whether they'll think I know what I'm talking about, or whether I can speak, whether I'm a good guy, whether I'm coherent. So that's worrying about me. And that's a kind of pain, especially for adults.

[14:29]

especially for adults, kind of pain. And because we're approaching the holidays, and because the holidays are so complicated and they promise so much that's wonderful, love and intimacy and celebration and gratitude and the coming of light, promise of, I don't know, something else. Often other feelings come up as well. Feelings that are painful. Disappointment. Confusion. Feeling separated from other people. Lonely. Alienated, we say as adults. So, how can we prepare for the holidays because we'd like to feel these wonderful feelings of gratitude and intimacy, promise, but there's a lot that weighs on our minds that also comes up in this season.

[15:54]

So that's what I want to talk about. As all of you, 99.9% of you know, this kind of pain and difficulty and so on in Buddhism is called affliction. Sometimes it's called suffering. That word is a little problematic. Affliction is a pretty good word because it's something that happens to us. We don't exactly order it up. We don't want it. But it does happen to us. It's apparently in the nature of being human that we're afflicted. reflected by physical pain, by confusion, illness, getting old, bodies falling apart, illness, and eventually we know somewhere up here, we know that it's going to end.

[17:33]

At least our part in it seems like it's going to end. We don't have any control over these things. I mean we have some control over some things, but basically we don't have any control over the fact of illness and death and aging. These are things that happen to us. Not only that, these things happen to us, but as humans with our particular nervous systems and highly developed language, ability to communicate, there are responses to affliction. Things that arise with affliction, the Sanskrit word samudaya, that which arises together with affliction.

[18:39]

Affliction is, you know, our technical term for that is dukkha. Yes? Some of us feel like it's fine to let the kids go now. Could you excuse us? Should we get a rope? I think it's fine. It's been really sweet having you here, and you can go and listen to the rest of this. You can choose. It's better than their book. Better than their book. OK. Thank you so much for being here. Nice bowing. Have a good day and holiday. If I don't see you again. Best part's over. So, dukkha samudaya.

[19:46]

Dukkha, affliction, it happens. That's my understanding of the Buddhist understanding. And the second truth, is that something arises in us with affliction. Some kind of response or reaction. And of course these are the first two of the ennobling truths. Truth means it's true. It's real. These things really do happen. And ennobling Because if we really can appreciate that these things are true and real, then we don't have to be ashamed of them. In fact, we recognize in our own lives and in the lives around us that we observe that many kinds of people, all kinds of people

[20:58]

responses to affliction like the desire to avoid affliction, various kinds of reactivity. We recognize that these things happen and that to actually see and appreciate these things is ennobling. What's not ennobling is some of the behaviors that follow from these feelings, samudaya, that arise with affliction. That is, the attempts to avoid affliction, to kind of scuttle away, to deaden our experiences of these things. These are not noble. They are sometimes pathetic. I mean, they evoke pathos.

[22:06]

So, the Buddha's teaching, as I understand it, is affliction and the response to affliction is not something to feel ashamed about. But as Dogen says, you know, the most important thing for Buddhists is to get an altogether clear appreciation of birth and death. I think that's what he's talking about. That's the most important thing for Buddhists. A lot of what our responses to affliction and response to affliction what they revolve around is control our efforts to control affliction and our first responses to affliction and if you reflect on it at all

[23:22]

Well, sometimes you have to reflect on it for a long time. You realize we can't control these things. We try. We try sincerely and lightly to control negative feelings. Anxiety, depression, worry, fear. We try to control them. And we fail. we always fail. Part of healing actually is to come to that thorough understanding. I think that's partly what Dogen meant when he said to get an altogether complete appreciation of birth and death. It's to understand what you can control and what you can't control. I mean we can control some things, right? I can, even dragons you can control to a certain extent. I can move this dragon from here to here And I'm fairly confident that it will remain there.

[24:29]

So we can control outer things, externals. We can move things around on a chess board. And so on. We can control many things. But there's some things we can't control. But it is our pathetic attempts to control what can't be controlled that leads to very bizarre behavior, self-defeating behavior, and reinforces and even replicates our suffering. Oh, by the way, time check.

[25:32]

When does... 10.05. I mean 11.05. Okay. Glad you said that. Okay. So, some of us are going home for the holidays. Some of us are in the homes for the holidays and people are visiting. And all the expectations, positive expectations that come up around holidays for most of us adults are mixed in with huge amounts of negative feeling. And, you know, there's nothing for it but to squarely face all that. It's really hard to feel gratitude, to feel the promise of the new light, to feel love, intimacy, when our lives are burdened with lots of negative emotion.

[26:42]

So somehow we'd like to get a handle on this negative emotion, even though we can't control it directly, like we can move. dragon, the way we can control the things outside our skin and unfortunately can't control much that happens inside our skin. There are all levels of affliction. It would take the rest of the day and the weekend to even name them, let alone explore them. But we have addiction, for example. In some ways addiction is a very helpful model for understanding what goes on with us so-called non-addicted Buddhists.

[27:44]

Sometimes we feel that we do have a very strong addiction and the addiction is to our separate small selves. We're addicted to an idea of a self. But there's also addiction to substances and people. For example, I'm addicted to love relationships. I'm addicted to the idea that the right love with the right woman, for me it's women, will solve some fundamental problems in my life, that it will to be hooked into the universe, that's a satisfying way.

[28:54]

It will fill a hole in my chest. Maybe some of you have that perception, I don't mean about women, maybe you do have that feeling about women, Anyway, I'm talking about the hole. The 12-step people sometimes refer to this hole in the chest, this feeling of a hole in the chest, as a God-shaped hole. Which gives you a hint, anyway, about this hole. of what it is. Many of us are sort of going deeper and deeper, I don't know, higher or higher, I don't know what, but deeper and deeper.

[30:06]

Many of us feel the pain of some kind of lack. Something's missing. A groundlessness. I'm not sufficiently grounded. I feel untethered. This occurs to people, not everyone, but at various times in one's life. It's not usually real early on. Early on, you know, what we feel we're missing is Possibly things like money, and cars, and reputation, and the right kind of job, and so on. But as things move along, and maybe we've gotten the right jobs, and the right car, and the right marriage, there's still a hole, or its equivalent, however one experiences this incompleteness.

[31:15]

or ungroundedness. And so we launch various projects to fill the hole or to ground ourselves, to find something that we can plug ourselves into that's good enough, solid enough in order to feel grounded. Well, you know in your minds, if not your hearts, that that is a fruitless endeavor. Because there's no thing that will satisfy the endeavor that will fill the bill.

[32:17]

No thing. Everything's impermanent. Everything is insubstantial. You can't do the trick. What we want is something that's permanent and substantial. Otherwise we're still floating around in the universe, not knowing what we're part of, what we're hooked into. And it certainly isn't that we don't try hard enough. We make very sincere efforts. Some of us gravitate to spirituality, religion. Certainly that will do the trick. But it doesn't do the trick either. In so far as spirituality is some object that you can ground yourself in It deals out.

[33:22]

That can't be the spirituality that could ground you. So spirituality, family, job. What could do this? What could work? Well, grounding ourselves is not going to work. I'm shifting the emphasis to grounding now. Before I was talking about the objects that you might ground yourself in. But grounding itself won't work. Right? Seeking to be grounded. If you're grounding then there's some thing you're grounded in, and there's you, a subject. Subject, object. You yourself become an object seeking to ground yourself in some thing.

[34:25]

So grounding won't get it. It has to be something other than that. Well, what is it? If you can't ground yourself, what do you have to do? It's an easy question, easy answer. Release and ground. Yeah. Just be ungrounded. Just be ungrounded. Give up. Drop the rope that you've been pulling on and struggling with. all this time. Yeah, don't be grounded. Forget grounding. Realize that you don't need grounding.

[35:31]

You know the wonderful, for me anyway, the wonderful image that is so helpful here comes from Avatamsaka Sutra. is the imagery of Indra's net. You know about Indra's net? Everyone? Most of you know about Indra's net. But I'm going to tell you about it anyway. Indra's net. Indra's a god. I mean, it wouldn't have to be a god. It could be Barack Obama. But somebody's net, a kind of infinite net, like a fishing net. And like all nets, it's mostly holes. Except Indra's net, in each hole, they're perfectly mounted. It is a perfect jewel. A perfectly reflective jewel.

[36:40]

And somehow the way the net is arranged, every jewel in the net reflects every other jewel in the net. Which means that each jewel, in some sense, not to press the metaphor too hard, is the whole net. Right? Because it's all there. You take any one jewel, And all the rest of the jewels, all the rest of the net, is manifest in that jewel. We use fancier terms now in science or semi-science. We talk about, what, holograms? Is that the term? Yeah, you take any piece of a hologram. If you could take a piece of a hologram, I don't know if you can. I don't know what they're made of, but you slice it out with a hologram slicer. And all the rest of it is there.

[37:45]

I don't know, maybe you blow it up so it's the right size. But the whole is in every piece of the hologram. So this is a model. It's an intellectual model. It has an emotional appeal, certainly. But it's basically an intellectual model. But you can kind of see it. a direction, a thrust from that model that addresses the question of non-grounding. If you're one of the jewels, and according to the Flower Ornament Sutra you are, then you don't need to be grounded because you are the whole net. grounding just drops away. It's not an issue anymore. You're holding that mean something, doesn't it?

[38:52]

It's 1105. Huh? It's 1105. You have like a little bit of time. Yeah, OK. We're exact here. So, I mean, just that is wonderful and inspiring. But then, on the ground, what do we do? I mean, we can't exactly do Indra's net. What can we actually do that actualizes the reality of Indra's net? Any notions about that? Yes? Stay in contact. We can stay in contact. Yeah. How do we stay in contact, or how do we contact and re-contact and re-contact? Because we fall out of contact, right? Realistically, we're in contact and we fall out of contact.

[39:54]

What is that called? Zazen. Yes, it's called Zazen. It's our fundamental yoga. It's what we can actually do with our bodies and our minds, our body-minds. We can actually practice the practice of Yamatantraka Sutra. We can be ourselves. Dongshan. Dongshan's poem, or at least that section of his writings was my koan when I was a shuso.

[41:04]

His poem was, Everywhere I go, I meet him. He is no other than myself. Sometimes we think that he's referring to his teacher. But of course, by then, his teacher is teacher Dushan. Everywhere I go, I meet him. He is no other than myself. I am not now him. It must be understood in this way in order to merge with suchness. I wish you happy, intimate, gratitude-filled, loving holidays. Any comments, questions that need to be raised at this moment?

[42:09]

If not, later in the courtyard. Yes, sir? I've met several people over the course of my life who seem very grounded. They don't do Zazen. Never heard of it. But they are very at peace with themselves and the world. How do you explain that? I don't. I accept it and I'm grateful. So some people may not need to do Zazen. Maybe they're already done. Could be. Could be. You can't always tell when somebody's doing something. I noticed that a lot in here. It's wonderful to be back, to have you back involved with the sangha.

[43:19]

How does that feel? It feels quite wonderful and warming and daunting in some ways because I have to face my own inclination toward a kind of social anorexia. That is a desire to avoid people. So when I contemplate coming to the Zendo or giving a talk or going to a class, there's always one sort of level of concerns. Oh, shit. And then when I'm here and I see your faces and I'm involved, it's lovely.

[44:26]

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