This morning I want to talk about hindrances to clarity. Traditionally we have, in Buddhism, we have the five hindrances. And purpose or one of the qualities of zazen in practice is to have clarity, clarity of mind, to be able to see things as they are or as it is, without partiality or without disturbance. It's like looking into clear water and being able to see all the way down to the bottom. And when the water is disturbed, one can't see to the bottom.

[01:10]

So these five hindrances are called hindrances which obscure clear vision. So I'll talk about the five hindrances. The first one is, unfortunately, sensual desire. The second one is ill will. The third one is called sloth and torpor or laziness. And the fourth one is restlessness and worry, sometimes called

[02:24]

scruples. Scruples, we usually think of scrupulousness as being very precise, but actually it means indecisive. And the fifth one is skeptical doubt, skepticism. So you can see these in pairs except for the last one. Sensual desire is greediness or being caught by something that we really like. It's There's nothing wrong with sex, otherwise none of us would be here.

[03:31]

But... Sensual desire is like a fire. This fire is always burning. And we can turn up... We have... a dial and we can either turn it up or turn it down. And hopefully we have this gauge. But often, even though we try to turn the gauge down, it doesn't work. Or if we try to turn it up, it doesn't work. Sensual desire easily gets out of hand, it's like a fire, and so it has to be regulated.

[04:35]

And it's very difficult for most people to regulate this burning desire for love and procreation. And ill-will is... an essential desire is the desire to hang on to something, to be attached to something. And ill-will is the desire to push something away. So this is kind of a polarity pair. One is hanging on to something and forming an attachment. And ill-will is pushing something away and rejecting it with vehemence.

[05:45]

Anger is its vehicle. So we should be very careful with these two very strong emotions. And it's important, actually, to have self-control, to develop self-control with both sensual desire and our desire to push things away or to reject with ill will. because they both obscure clarity. When we practice meditation, our effort is to not be affected by emotion and thought. Even though emotion and thought come up,

[06:52]

expand on them. We don't put them into play. And our effort is to tranquilize the mind so that we can perceive the clarity of our true nature. So we should be very careful. Since most people are sexually active, when we come to Zen Center, our purpose, well, we come for different purposes. Some people come for meditation. Some people come because they want to understand Buddhism. Some people come because

[07:57]

They want to adjust some aspect of their personality. Some people come because they want to meet someone. And some people have a dual purpose. They want to sit in meditation and meet someone. And there are many single people, you know, that come to mostly single people that come to practice, or at least quite a number. So there's always this attraction potential that's in the air. So we should be very careful about how we approach people, each other. because the main purpose of coming to practice or coming to the Zen Center is to practice.

[09:04]

And people are very fragile and very susceptible, you know. And if an older member, well, new people look up to the older members as role models. And so the older members have to remember to be, that these new people are very vulnerable and can be very attractive. And it's very important to leave people alone. to not hit on somebody with your desire. And you should introspect your desire. Am I interested in this person? For what reason am I interested in this person?

[10:08]

Sometimes people get very turned off or offended and they leave because They feel that they came for a certain purpose and something else has intervened in their practice. So, it's a difficult problem, really difficult problem, because most people are sexually active. I remember once I went to the Kaiser, and the doctor said, are you sexually active? And I said, well, not at the moment. But I had to think about that. Yeah, I'm a sexually active person, so I have this potential, you know, to engage people.

[11:16]

So we have to be very careful how we approach each other and the kind of respect that we give to each other. And not to be possessive. And not to make an effort to stimulate someone else. It's difficult. Also, because if you're practicing Zen student, then the person that you may want to be attracted to would naturally be another Zen student. That makes a lot of sense, because there's a certain understanding and compatibility. Traditionally in Buddhism, practicing monks, whether they were male or female, We're not allowed to even practice with each other, or touch each other, or look at each other.

[12:32]

But in our American practice, we have lay people practicing in a way that most people have never practiced as lay people in Asian countries. And so our practice is entirely different, men and women practicing together. And, of course, sexual activity happens between women and between men. And so we have to be careful on that score as well. But this new way of practice where men and women are equally practicing together without any barrier in between is very new. And the problems associated with it are new. And so we have to find our way. So I don't think we want to go back to separating men and women and forbidding people to have sex.

[13:43]

I don't think we want to do that. But we have to figure out how to have some ethical conduct and practice ethical conduct and find our way short of having strict rules. In San Francisco Zen Center, there's a six-month rule where when a person enters the practice, no one is allowed to approach them for six months. It's one of the hardest things to control.

[14:46]

Very hard to control. So, on the one hand, we have to have some consequences. On the other hand, we have to have some understanding of human desire. And be able to say to somebody, I understand your problem, but please leave me alone. You should be able to say that to somebody. You should be able to say, you're a nice person, but I don't want to, this is not what I want to do with you. I just want to practice Zazen. So let's practice Zazen together and not practice sex together. You can say that without, you know, offending somebody, or allowing yourself to get into a worry and flurry about it.

[15:53]

So this is something that we don't talk about very much, and we kind of let things work themselves out. And things work fairly well. Whatever you do, there will be a problem. If you have strict rules, there will be big problems. Strict problems. And if you have an attitude, a conscious attitude, you will have problems. Any way you work it, you will have problems. So far, we've been able to keep some control through our attitude. An attitude of leaving people or letting people work out their sexual life because it's different with each person.

[17:13]

But it will keep coming up, and we have to keep dealing with it as a problem. So it's not something that's solved. It's something that's always continually being looked at. And we should continue to look at it and study it. And if we're going to allow it to be, then we have to deal with the problems that come up with it. Otherwise, we just cut it off and then we have other kinds of problems. I don't think we want to do that. But when desire is obsessive, then it really obscures clarity. And it's nice to be free of that desire and to abide in clarity.

[18:26]

And as far as ill will goes, getting angry is like, Suzuki Roshi used to say, like lightning in a clear sky. It's very destructive and it's hard to calm down and find your calm mind again. So, meditation practice is to not grasp something and not reject something. these two aspects of grasping and rejecting obscure our clear mind. So we have to decide where we want to live, where we want to abide. If we want to abide in clarity or in clear mind, then we choose that over grasping and rejecting.

[19:43]

And when anger comes up, we have a choice of whether to pursue it or let it go. And letting it go, we may feel that we're betraying ourself. One of the things about anger is that we feel self-righteous. Anger is a kind of form of self-righteousness. or it can be a form of self-righteousness. And to let our self-righteousness go is not so easy. But if we want to abide in clarity, we have to let go of self-righteousness. We have to let go of that ego-building quality. Sometimes anger is helpful.

[20:53]

To just get angry and let it go, like children. Children don't hang on to their strong emotions, mostly. This is the child's life. You get angry, or you get happy, or you get whatever, and the next minute you're in another mode. So to let it come up and express it and let go and be in another mode so that you're not pulled around by anger. Sloth and torpor is like the inability to motivate yourself. And it happens quite frequently. What is it that keeps us from motivation?

[21:56]

And what is it that motivates us? Usually, we're motivated by inspiration. We have to have something that inspires us. So maybe we read some books on Buddhism or Zen and we become inspired and we start to practice. And then we hit some wall. And then we, instead of getting up, we stay in bed. Instead of pursuing our interest, we look for something else to do. Because we lose, somehow we're losing our inspiration. And we need to renew somehow our motivation. But sometimes we just mechanically move into our practice and sit like a lump.

[23:06]

We get on the cushion and we just kind of sit there like a lump without any energy. This is not conducive to clarity. Clarity comes through putting yourself wholeheartedly. When you're on the cushion, you sit wholeheartedly, totally, whole body and mind. When your whole body and mind is engaged, then you can't be bored. Sometimes people say, well, Zazen is boredom. There's nothing to think about. But if your whole body and mind is engaged, totally, there's no thought outside of this practice. When you're totally one with your activity, there's no space for boredom. Boredom comes when there's a gap.

[24:15]

When there's a gap in your between your idea and your activity. And there's nothing to do. In meditation practice, there's always something to do. Moment by moment, there's always something to do. And if you're bored, then you should think, there must be something to do. What am I not doing? It should be a wake-up call. What is it that I'm not doing? And in your daily life as well. To be bored in our daily life, all you have to do is think, well, what is it that I'm not doing that I should be doing? And then you jump into that. So boredom actually is a good thing. It's not bad if you know how to use it.

[25:19]

or see it as a signal. The other side of that is restlessness and scruples, or restlessness and worry. Restlessness is the inability to settle. That's the other side of our problem, the inability to settle. And we keep going back and forth, back and forth, trying to find a place to settle. Kind of like a dog going around in a circle before they sit down. And even though we sit down, we're still unsettled and we have to keep moving, keep constantly moving around from one point to another. Because when we do settle, we can't really settle.

[26:22]

This is the difficult thing about Zazen. It's hard to, maybe the hardest thing, to just sit down and stay there without the feeling of restlessness or wanting to do something else or wanting to move, especially when we're holding on to something or rejecting something. And then we get into the place where we're indecisive. Indecisiveness is actually the motivation for restlessness. Sometimes it's better to make a bad decision rather than no decision. Sometimes we're on the brink of a decision, and we go back and forth, back and forth, and we can't decide.

[27:31]

And then fate decides for us, or something decides for us, hopefully. Otherwise, we get into a place where we can't move. And then we worry, worry, and worry, and worry. There are things to worry about, but to be caught by worry is like muddying the water. The water becomes so thick that there's no way that you can see even to the surface. So agitation and worry and restlessness, these are hard to overcome. Sometimes, you know, we say you should clean up your life before you start to practice.

[28:42]

Well, you can't do that. We have to practice with the stuff that we have. And through our practice, some refinement of our life takes place. And little by little, we're able to settle in our life. And perseverance is really the key. We'd like to have quick results, or we'd like to see some result, but just a little result is very good. If you can see some small result from your practice, that should encourage you to continue practicing. This is the practice of settling down, the practice of letting go of restlessness,

[29:49]

letting go of worry and flurry. But it takes a lot of perseverance. And you go through many, many stages. And there's no easy way, but through the practice itself you will come to settle down in a very fundamental way. So we keep looking for that still place. If you know that you're looking for this very still, settled place, you will find it.

[30:57]

But if you don't make that effort, you won't find it. And then the fifth one is skepticism. Skepticism is an extreme form of doubt which blocks any sort of optimism. Doubt itself is okay. You should have doubt. And in Zen, we say you should arouse doubt, big doubt. But this kind of doubt is different than skepticism. This is a doubt that does not take anything for granted. So you should have some doubt as to the reality, what's real. You should doubt what we accept as reality.

[32:17]

and try to see under the surface of what we take as reality. But to be skeptical is to lose faith. So faith is our innocent motivation which is optimistic and knows that there is a way to go, but doesn't have much guidance. So it needs doubt. Doubt is necessary to control our faith, because faith just wants to go, just wants to push ahead.

[33:24]

And it wants to fly. And that's great. But it needs some control. And it needs some doubt. So doubt says, well, don't go over there. Go, but don't go over that way. Go over this way. So it's a kind of controlling factor for faith. But if it gets too big, then it takes the lead. Faith has to take the lead. And if doubt starts taking the lead, then it becomes skepticism. So there has to be a balance between optimistic faith and letting your total energy engage in something that you know works, or that you feel that works, and give it that opportunity. but with discernment.

[34:26]

You should take the practice on faith, but you should also have your doubts. You should take your teacher on faith, but you should also have your doubts. It's good to doubt your teacher, but not in a skeptical way. So do you have any questions? Yeah. Great. Well, skepticism, yeah, is like saying, this doesn't work.

[35:48]

It's a kind of not allowing something to be proven to you. Doubt, you can doubt the practice or you can doubt yourself. You have a choice when you come to a problem. of doubting the practice or doubting yourself. And I've always given the practice the benefit of the doubt. So when I find it difficult to do something, I always doubt myself. Not in the sense that, you know, I don't think I can do something, but the fact that I'm not making enough of an effort. or I'm not seeing something. So, sometimes people don't doubt themselves, but they doubt the practice, or they doubt the Dharma.

[36:59]

And I find that interesting, because the Dharma is just something to help you. The dharma is just some form to help us. And the practice is our own. So if we transfer our doubt to the dharma, we should prove the dharma. We should prove the dharma wrong. If it is wrong, we should prove it wrong. And then we will find ourself. So it's always with ourself that we're dealing. And the Dharma is a kind of staff to help us walk along. It's like a pair of shoes. So if we doubt our footwear, it doesn't help. Although, we should prove it. Buddha says we should prove the Dharma to ourselves.

[38:07]

Don't just take it on. There are two kinds of faith. or two aspects of faith. One aspect of faith is to have the confidence to feel that this is worth pursuing. The other kind of faith is you should take it on faith that this is right. Those are two different aspects. For our practice, you should have enough faith to engage in practice to see if it's true or not. When one is in the midst of the throes of these hindrances, how does one develop faith? How does one develop faith? Well, the fact that you're already practicing means that you have an aspect of faith. And the more that you

[39:08]

find yourself being successful, your faith grows. And we know that we have all these hindrances, right? So if you're a perfectionist, you want to eliminate all the hindrances. And then you feel, well, when I eliminate all the hindrances, then I'll be able to see clearly and everything will be all right. We have to practice with our warts, you know, with who we are. The way to see ourself clearly is actually to be able to see our hindrances. That's clarity. To realize, I have this hindrance. And this hindrance is actually my companion in the practice.

[40:14]

And I use this hindrance to arouse awareness of mindfulness. That's clarity. that there's no such thing as dharma out there, you know, there's not something out there that you choose between yourself and it. And if you encourage people to doubt themselves rather than dharma, that can make trouble. When we were in the Zen Center in the early 80s, a lot of us, when we doubted I don't know if you can really make that division.

[41:23]

Yeah, well, when I say doubt, I don't mean that you should doubt yourself. But there were people who doubted something, but it wasn't the dharma. They doubted not the real dharma. It was the tricky part, see? Some people don't doubt the dharma, they can get confused, right? Yeah, they just get confused. Yeah. So, when I say doubt myself, what I mean is, look to your own problem rather than, you know, if we're always looking to our own problem, then we have a way to deal with it. And we're not projecting that it's out there. So, that's what I mean. But what it literally means is sometimes it is out there.

[42:23]

Yes, sometimes it is out there. Right. But that's not dharma. That's something else. That's out there. That's the problem. Dharma cannot be a problem. I mean, it's always a problem. Dharma is always a problem for us. But it's our problem. But true dharma cannot be a problem. I say, when I look for Dharma, I don't see it. I just see milk. Well, but what do you see when you see milk? Nice guy. But, when I say Dharma, I mean certain teachings. Right. So sometimes a teacher will corrupt the teachings and people think that's the dharma.

[43:28]

That's what I mean. So someone will teach a false teaching which looks like dharma but which isn't dharma. But true dharma should not be a problem. But you're right, dharma is just what we are, right? But there are different ways of bringing it forth. There is false dharma. When somebody transfers the dharma to, in other words, say, a teacher, makes their ego the focus and calls that the dharma, that's false dharma. Okay? And then people think that that teacher's ego is the dharma.

[44:28]

Then that's not dharma. Then you can look at that, you can say, well, that's at fault, right? And that false dharma is at fault. So you should see the fault there. But true dharma is not at fault. If it's at fault, it's not true dharma. So you should keep looking for what is not at fault. That's what I mean. It seems like you're talking about dharma with a capital D, and that you're talking about dharma with a small d. In some sense, everything is dharma, including teachers. I don't know if that's true, but that's what it sounds like to me. Yeah. It's kind of tough. Yes? You said first and foremost that you have problems in your life.

[45:36]

You should meditate. Don't worry about cleaning up your act. Don't worry about what? Cleaning up your act. I didn't say you shouldn't make an effort to clean up your life.

[46:40]

I didn't say that. I said that you shouldn't wait until your life is completely cleaned up before you practice. Otherwise, you never practice. And some people are not ready to practice. Some people are not settled enough to actually be able to practice. That's also true. And some people are mentally disturbed enough so that it wouldn't be helpful for them to practice in some ways. But generally, you know, We shouldn't use the fact that my life is not cleaned up as an excuse to not practice. Greg?

[47:46]

Just to comment, I think we have that six-month rule here, too, at Berkeley Design Center. Yeah. We've mentioned San Francisco Design Center. I think we do. How do you turn down the flame of sensual desire? Well... She has seen the right person. You have to find the knob first. That's the big question. Yeah, what if you don't have this gauge that you're affected? If you want to have it, then you should look for it. I can't give you a formula for how to control it. Everyone has to find that control within themselves.

[48:51]

But first of all, you have to want to control it. If you want to control it, then you look for a way to do that. That's all I can say. There are some Theravadan contemplations. Yeah, there are. Whether they work or not, I don't know. But, yeah, there are those contemplations. Usually, one of them is to go to a cemetery. But, you know, those cemeteries in India, the corpses were just laying around in the field in those days. So you just go to the cemetery where the corpses were in various stages of decomposition and you contemplate the various stages of decomposition as, this is my fate as well.

[49:58]

And then you begin to, this is actually one of the contemplations. to contemplate on various colors of corpses in stages of decomposition. But I think we all have to find our own way to do that. But if we wanted to, we could think about how to actually find control. Well, I want to go back to the point you were talking about turning to yourself and doubting yourself. I think that if you do that as a habit of being honest with yourself, then you know when it's you and when there's something going on outside. Yeah, that's right.

[51:00]

Doubt doesn't mean doubting. When I say doubt yourself, I don't mean that you... What I mean is to see that you need to do something. rather than... You need to come up to the practice rather than have the practice come down to you. That's what I mean. Somebody... Peter. If I can honestly check myself and see, then, if the problem is somewhere out there, if I'm honest with myself, I'll realize the teacher is wrong or whatever. But it's more neutral to check myself rather than to doubt, because we all doubt ourselves so much already.

[52:02]

That's already a problem. Well, doubting yourself is a problem. Doubting yourself can be skepticism. Right? Just no good, you know. But trying to make more effort to understand, I think, is important. The last question. I've heard that expressing anger or negative emotion is not It's not the best. However, how can you prevent becoming a doormat? Well, by standing up for yourself.

[53:04]

You don't have to be angry to stand up for yourself. Or you can use that emotion in a rational way. How can I do this in a rational way, without the need to explode? How can I keep myself intact and let somebody know that this is my limit? You have to be able to do that. You have to be able to say, yes, no, this is my limit. And that the strong emotion that comes through your anger can be used to set that up. We're like a transformer. We take in the negative and give out the positive. And how do you transform those negative energies and produce positive energies with them?

[54:12]

That's what practice is. So you should always think about how can I take this negative energy and use it to produce something positive.

[54:23]

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