the psalm which we prayed at noon today, and I think we will probably be praying all week long, at least we do in our It's a sext song for us, but we pray the entire psalm, and you will pray the entire psalm. Psalm 118 is a psalm all about the Torah, and there are 13 synonyms for Torah in that psalm. The synonyms are directives and rules and law and precepts, ordinances, will. way or path. Those are all synonyms for Torah. And there are three Torah psalms in this altar. Psalm number one is a Torah psalm.

[01:01]

Psalm 19, which we're going to read now, 18 in the Bible, 19 here, is a Torah psalm, and Psalm 119, or in the Bible, 118 in our office, is a Torah psalm. Psalm 119 is is a psalm that has 176 verses, and every single verse has a synonym for Torah in that psalm. Torah. Torah in the Latin from the 6th century. I'm talking about contemporary with Saint Benedict. Torah in the 5th and 6th century from the Hebrew was translated into Latin as Regola. Regola? Now, okay, that's not going to work in English.

[02:06]

Regula in English would then be, has been translated from the Latin into English as the rule. Rule would be the rule of Saint Basil. the rules of St. Basil, the rule of St. Augustine, the rule of St. Benedict, the rule of Pacomius, the monastic rules. And the word rule, well, think of the term ruler. Ruder, no. Ruder is a little measuring rod that you can use to draw a straight line or you can use to measure something. How many inches is this? Is this? Rule regula in Latin of the 5th and 6th century at the time of Benedict also is translated in English as I'm going up, I'm going down the stairs and I have trouble seeing and it's very, very dark and so I put my hand on a banister, or?

[03:18]

Rail. Rail. A rail. Rail. Rule. Rail. I put a hand, and I use a rail to help me walk, to keep me steady in my walking. Or I use a ruler to measure. The word Torah in Hebrew is what we know as the monastic rule. It's not a rule book. It's not a book of rules. It's rather a kind of a constitution. It's an ideology. It's a way of living. It's not a law book that you hit somebody over the head with for deviating from, for not keeping the rule or keeping the law. And the psalm that we're going to pray right now, read right now, has something to do with that.

[04:26]

Every time we see the word law, or rule or precepts in the Bible, I think we should be thinking more in terms of the rule of Benedict than a book of rules, like the Ten Commandments. Although the Ten Commandments are a way of keeping our life in balance, in sync with God, and in sync with human values and human dignity. The two tablets of the law are really there to keep us in a balanced sort of life with God and with our neighbor, with human dignity. I'm beginning, I will begin this reading of Psalm 19 with the following, because I'm going to present Psalm 19 as an examination of conscience.

[05:39]

Examination of conscience could be kind of a heavy thing, but rather, in this psalm, the examination of conscience is simply, well, how does my life not play in harmony with the way God has made us. How is my life somehow not quite in sync? Now, there are two... Now, careful with this. We don't want to put ourselves onto a guilt trip. with ideas of law and not keeping the law and sinfulness and such. It's not about a guilt trip, but it's sounding the depths of the human heart and finding out that finally we can't do it ourselves.

[06:44]

We can't pay the whole price, that finally somebody has to come along which is Jesus, and pay what we can't pay. But there is a sort of a dark space in human life which, when push comes to shove, it's a doubt. This was born out of a conversation that I had at the beginning of the week with a very, very upright middle-aged priest, and at one point in our conversation he reflected, or at least gave the seed for this parable. I start with Søren Kierkegaard, thinking about the human condition and the guilt that lies in the consciousness of every human being,

[07:46]

reflected that if tonight, in our monastery, each monk were to receive an anonymous message telling him, you have been discovered, all is known, get out of the monastery before daybreak or you will be sorry. And Surin says, well, tomorrow at vigils there will be nobody present. The following parable occurs to me, and I entitle it, Ghost. The ghost is not the fault, the failing, an uncontrolled habit or sin that dominated a person at one time of his life. The ghost is not the residue guilt for some wicked prank or foolhardiness in one's youth.

[08:51]

The ghost inhabits a secret room that we keep under lock and key, and we only enter there with fear and trembling, aware that this is a minefield where an explosion is waiting to happen. Was it that woman's skirt? that untimely flirt, that drunken spree, that illicit kiss, that photoshop, that photo shot on a lark, a message passed on the internet or the phone that has branded its mark in somebody's memory or files, the personal history of who knows whom, Did I, by stumbling once in my life, cause a collateral wound that will not heal? Did I unintentionally hit, then unknowingly run, leaving a person injured on the roadside of my life, when I was 20, or 30, or 35 years old, or 50?

[10:01]

This unlawful act is buried in my past, but this ghost from my graveyard still haunts me. Invisible to the world around, the thought terrifies me that at some future point this lurking ghost will appear and cast its shadow on my respectable, responsible self. A suspicion or an insinuation and incidental commentary, and a world repaired suddenly sinks in the marsh. A graceful life, together with charity, fear of God, and good works, falls headlong into disgrace when this ghost shows his face. What we experienced here in the American church between the year 2000 and 2010, and it's still happening but on a smaller scale, with the sexual abuse cases and the denunciations and accusations just that were running rampant in many of our dioceses and monasteries, religious houses,

[11:28]

That's beginning to happen now in Mexico. I always say, you know, that people ask me, well, how are things in Mexico? And I say, well, things are just fine. Everything that happened 15 years ago back in the States is now happening in Mexico. It's all going to happen, but we're just a little bit behind on the clock. I'm one of four people in the country of Mexico that, with the commission in Rome, we are supposed to provide help both on a, mostly on a psychological, informational level for dioceses and religious communities, when something occurs on the horizon, an accusation or something, to help bishops and help religious superiors deal with this kind of thing.

[12:46]

some of which is very, very true, others which is just smoke screens. The psalm that we will pray today, read tonight, it really kind of looks like two psalms. It starts with Psalm 19, the heavens are telling glory to God. The firmament proclaims, I am the work of God's hand. Space. Space glorifies God. Day speaks to day, and night declares its knowledge to night. Space glorifies God. Time glorifies God. There's a lot of telling and proclaiming, pouring forth speech and declaring knowledge. Verse 3, "...but there is no speech, there are no words, and not a sound is heard.

[13:56]

Yet the message goes out to the whole world and their words to the ends of the earth." It's an unusual kind of communication that's going on here. It's sign language, sign language from space, all of creation, and sign language from all time. Day and night, there's no other time in the biblical world. It's day and night, night and day, day and night. But it's a very unusual message because it doesn't have what we would, it doesn't use the normal means of communication. It's in silence, eloquent silence. In the heavens he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom from his bedroom, and like a hero, an athlete, running his course with joy, rising from one end of the heavens, and its orbit continues to the other side.

[15:11]

And nothing is hid, nothing is hidden from the sun's light? We expect light. We've just read three verses, two verses about, three verses about sun, sun, sun, and we think about light, but the sun is not the font of light in this psalm. The sun, nothing can escape from its warmth. from its heat. Why? Because light is reserved for the Torah. Light is reserved for the inner life of the human being, which we find in verses 7 to 10. Let's read together verses 7 to 10. The law of the Lord is perfect.

[16:17]

Okay, we're going to do something different here. Let's do, every time you see law, decrees, precepts, command, fear, or ordinances, we will say Torah. No, we'll say rule. Rule. Okay? Thinking of Benedict's rule, thinking of the railing of the banister, the thinking of a ruler, The word here is Torah and synonyms. So it's going to be, we're going to have to be careful, but law, decrees, precepts, commandments, and fear, and ordinances is all rule. Correctly? Let's go. The rule of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The rule of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The rule of the Lord is right, rejoicing the heart. The rule of the Lord is clear,

[17:20]

enlightening the eye, the rule of the Lord is pure, enduring forever, the rule of the Lord is true and righteous altogether, more to be desired than gold, even much fine gold, sweeter also than honey and drippings from the honeycomb. What catches your attention in the psalm so far? The psalm being the first seven verses, creation and time, space and time giving glory to God, and the sun in a regular orbit. You can count on the sun because every day the sun is going to come up. Every night the sun is going to rest. And then we have these verses on the rule of the Lord, or the Torah.

[18:23]

What catches your attention? The last words. Perfect. Sure. Right. Clear. Pure. Okay. Yeah, we got an adjective. There's six of them, no? Perfect. Sure, no, uh, yeah, sure, is that right? Right, clear, pure, and true. So, those attributes catch our attention. What else? Well, I see space, time, light, and then the Word. Okay. We could say, okay, we've got four things going on here.

[19:25]

We've got space, first two verses. Everything that is embraced by the sky is all the space. And then we have day and night, time, and then we have Well, we have the sun, we have the light bulb, and then we have the Word, the Word of the Lord. What else? That's, for me at least, the description of, in the beginning, St. John's prologue. Perfect, yes. And the word was made flesh. Genesis. Yes, perfect, yes. And it is, yes. Genesis covers all of those four points. What else? Well, what inflections those points for me is the commandment of the Lord.

[20:31]

It's clear, it's right, it's perfect, it's sure. Yes. Okay. You can count on it. It's got a hundred percent, you know, a thousand year guarantee on it. What else? The benefits. What are the benefits here? Reviving the soul, refreshing the soul, giving wisdom to the simple, giving joy to the interior life. And now we have enlightening the eyes, where we expect the light to come from the sun, but rather the poet saved the light for the interior rule or law or word. A lifelong guarantee, enduring forever, and something you can count on altogether, righteous altogether. How much does it cost? What's the price tag on this?

[21:35]

More to be desired than even the finest gold. If you want to invest in the stock market, or you invest for financial returns, what is the most secure investment? Gold, Franks. Gold. Even the finest gold. Now, the word the commandments, the Torah, the rule, more precious than even the finest gold. You can depend on it in your investments. Yes, yes, very, very closely in, we prayed a wisdom song recently, but wisdom and Torah are very much together in biblical spirituality.

[22:38]

What does it taste like? This morning I put sugar, no, I put honey. Normally we have bees too. And we had quite a harvest of honey this year. We have avocado honey. because we have 700 avocado trees. And so it's a dark honey in our monastery. And so every morning I have a spoonful of honey. And this morning I had put honey in my coffee, you know, and okay, that's pretty good. But then after, you know, like three or four minutes or after brushing my teeth, you know, Honey's gone. I mean, it doesn't taste anymore. And what does the law taste like? What does the Torah taste like? What does the Word taste like? Well, even sweeter than the honey, and because honey, the sweetness of honey is transient.

[23:43]

It passes quickly. But the sweetness of the law, rule, word of God is enduring forever. It's everlasting. It's everlasting, the sweetness of the law. Now, I say law, but law has kind of a negative connotation in our Anglo-Saxon law and in Roman law. The word law is a negative. Law makes me think of, I'm driving down the road and I see a police car passing or I pass a police car and I think, well, what have I done wrong? And I have to examine my conscience every time I see a police car, because the law is not something that's going to help me along. The law is a negative. In Bible, law, rule, word, is positive.

[24:51]

It gives life. It doesn't take life away. It puts us on the road and keeps us on the road, but doesn't punish. Law in itself doesn't punish in the Bible. And so, that also catches our attention. More to be desired than gold, even the finest gold, it's sweeter. It's everlasting. And things that we eat, even sweet things that we like, don't last. Who is the poet? Moreover, by them is your servant warned." Servant is a word for a person who is, in the Old Testament, it's not a slave, although in some cases we were slaves in Egypt, now we are servants of God. What is a servant of God? A servant of God is somebody who practices the faith.

[25:55]

attends the liturgy, does the sacrifices in the Old Testament, keeps the praise of God and the thanksgiving of God going. So, servant is one of those words, I would say, referring to that Levite monk. in the fourth, fifth, fourth, third century before Christ, who is taking care of the sanctuary and taking care of the liturgy, that the liturgy is properly prayed, celebrated, celebrated. Moreover, by them, that is, the ordinances, the commandments, the Torah, the rule, is your servant warned in keeping the rule, there is great reward. In keeping the rule, there is great reward. Now, let's read verses 12 and 13.

[27:06]

What we have to this point is we can look at the world out there and it seems to function. There's certain laws, like the law of gravity. I throw something, I drop something and it always falls down. It doesn't fall up. There's a law of gravity. There's certain laws and rules. Venus is here in the sky and Venus has been hiding Mars at some time during this last month, at least in our sky. in the South, we see Venus in the same point at night, around 8, 9, 10 o'clock at night, we see Venus over here and Mars over here, and every night there's certain rules that it's the constellations, the sunrise and sunset, days are getting longer now, So there are rules out there in the creation, and there is a rule inside, inscribed in the consciousness, inside the human person.

[28:23]

There is an order, a rule. And this reflection or contemplation of the rule out there, and the rule now in here, reviving the soul, giving light to the eyes, turns the poet to a sort of examination of conscience. And the examination of conscience is in verses 12 and 13. My question is, what are the faults or sins that are referred to. Let's read together 12 and 13. But who can detect their errors? Clear me from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from the insolent. Do not let them have dominion over me.

[29:27]

Then I shall be blameless and innocent of the great transgression. What are the faults or sins or failings that are mentioned here. Murmuring? Okay, let's start with the words in the poem. So, why? Why? Because, and what do they refer to? I wish I had brought your translation from the church, because it's a very good translation. What would be one of the thoughts here? Could it be for the office in Rome? Why is the world you are seeing more enlightening? Okay. It's the opposite of what we would expect, what we expect from that very, very precious and delicious rule.

[30:37]

Who can detect their errors? Now, that's kind of like, there are things in me There are things in every human being that happen that maybe we can't avoid. Accidental things. I was walking down the hall the other day and Ronald, you passed by me and you said, good morning, Conrad, and I didn't say anything to you because I didn't see you. I didn't notice because I was so tied up in my own new world. Are there, then we have clear me from hidden faults. Hidden from whom? Hidden from me or hidden from you? Are there faults that I'm unaware of?

[31:42]

That you know about me where I'm failing but I don't know them? Now, we all have an obligation to inform ourselves. Ignorance of the law is not necessarily an excuse. I have a certain obligation to inform myself. about the community life here so that I don't cause one of you to stumble, like the fact that I went in and had coffee at 3.30 in the morning and nobody was in the kitchen. I thought, oh my God, can I have coffee right now? What if somebody catches me? Hidden faults from me or hidden faults from you all? My errors, my hidden faults, My sins of commission and my sins of omission.

[32:47]

Would my hidden faults be things that I have omitted that I simply wasn't aware of but they are, they could be a scandal to you? Who can detect their errors? I'm thinking about Saint Paul and he says, you know, I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do. And he's talking about sinfulness that exists in him that he can't do anything about. And then we got, keep back your servant also from insolence. I don't know what that is. Insolence could be pride, could be arrogance. What is arrogance? Arrogare, in Latin. Arrogance is grabbing something that doesn't belong to you. We often think that arrogance is pride. Well, it's pride, but what would pride be? Assuming a dignity that really isn't yours, it isn't mine.

[33:52]

what I imagine myself to be. I grab something that isn't mine. Arrogance would be the original sin, not the original sin, the first sin in Genesis is a sin of arrogance. You can have anything you want, you can breakfast on everything you want, anything you want, except the fruit of this tree. And because I was told I can't eat from that tree, that makes me It incites my curiosity and also, in a certain sense, my, who can tell me what I can't do? And so I'm going to do it. Arrogance, taking something that doesn't belong to us, spiritually or physically, materially. Keep back your servant also from the insolent. Do not let them have dominion over me. then I shall be blameless and innocent of the one sin which is impardonable, the sin against the Holy Spirit.

[35:10]

In Catholic theology, or biblical theology, it would be all sins can be forgiven, except the sin against the Holy Spirit. Mark, chapter 3, verse 20, I think. And innocent of the great rebellion. What would be the great rebellion? Well, it's not defined, but it makes us think that there's something that is more serious than everything else, than all other faults or sins. In this examination of conscience, I say, well, who can detect their errors? Who can really detect when his own life is not in sync perfectly with God? There are things we don't know about ourselves. Clear me from hidden faults. Hidden faults, well, I know that I did something wrong, but you don't know it. I simply don't know it.

[36:13]

Keep back your servant from the insolence, the arrogance, the pride, and make me blameless so that I may be innocent of that gravest sin. What would that be? What is the sin against the Holy Spirit? Gregory? I was hoping to hear someone say that. There must be somebody around here who knows that. We had a suicide in my monastery about 18 years ago, and it was quite a public, public thing, as a death of that nature would be. And on Sunday Mass, there were probably three days after the suicide, there were 400 people in church and reporters, psychologists, sociologists, people, believers and unbelievers.

[37:31]

The church was packed because they wanted to hear What are they going to say about this? And there was quite a scandal in the population that we buried our brother monk in our cemetery. Because according to the piety, the popular piety or impiety, This, a person who has committed murder, or killing himself, has committed a sin of despair, has committed a crime against life, the life of another person, and he is no longer able to be buried in the sacred ground of a Catholic cemetery.

[38:35]

And that's the popular notion of a suicide. And I think it was pretty general in our culture here in the United States until probably 1970. And so we handled that. The despair. the fact that God is not God enough to be able to pardon one's sin, the gravity of one's sin. That's one of the ideas, Gregory, there are several definitions in what consists the sin against the Holy Spirit, the unpardonable sin. One of them would be that God is not God enough to forgive me.

[39:38]

The sin of despair. That would be one way of handling the grave, this great transgression here. Or in the Gospels, in the words of Jesus, all sins can be forgiven. except the sin against the Holy Spirit. Now, what's the sin against the Holy Spirit? Look it up in your dictionary, you'll find two or three possibilities. Yeah, there are. So, we have here in the psalm a vague examination of conscience. It's vague, and so we can each apply it to ourselves in a different way. But it's real. And we in the monastic culture, every night, do you do this at Compline?

[40:50]

Normally at Compline we have a Many monasteries have an examination of conscience and the confitier. Do you do that? No, we don't do that, okay. We do do that at the beginning of Mass, however. And some communities, or many communities, have the examination of conscience. Normally, in the Catholic rite, the examination of conscience is something that we do in the evening kind of looking over our day, you know, well, what did I do wrong today and what am I going to do better tomorrow? And some Catholic families, they teach that to their children, you know, what did I do wrong today? That's a nighttime thing is examination of conscience. In the Jewish liturgy, it's in the morning. The office of Lauds in mourning in the Jewish liturgy begins with an examination of conscience.

[41:53]

What about the last 24 hours of my day? And today will be better. So there's an examination of conscience. Why? Because creation is singing in tune with God. Time, day and night, the sun, is singing in tune with God. My interior life has been attuned to God, but I have free will, and so I can say, I'm going to sing out of tune, or I'm going to march to a different marching band. So what about my life? Could I make my life as pure, with the grace of God, could our lives be as pure as as the order of creation. Examination of conscience. And then, what do we have in verse 14?

[42:56]

Let the words, oh, the heavens are telling the glory of God. The firmament proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours forth speech. Night declares knowledge. Words, voice, words, voice. And here the poet says, now may the words of my mouth, when we hear the words of my mouth we're thinking of the words of creation and the words of the day and the night, all that proclamation and communication that's going on at the beginning of the poem, glorifying God. May the words of my mouth also glorify God. And the meditation of my heart, my expression and my reflection, the rule of the Lord written in my human makeup. May the words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart, my interior life and my exterior life be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock."

[44:09]

Rock is a word for space, a cosmic word, and my Redeemer. Redeemer is a legal concept, the one who buys back. So, this is quite a lovely psalm that brings us into a reflection on our own life. I invite you to read the psalm sometime tonight and then make a little New Year's resolution, some little adjustment, a small adjustment that you wish to make and you're asking for God's grace to help you make in your own life.

[45:17]

Our conversion really is comprised of very, very little steps that we try to take with the grace of God throughout all our lives. Conversion, monastic conversion, they're not big, big things. They're not monumental steps that we take in our lives. At this point in our adult lives, conversion is like adjusting the pilot light that's burning too fiercely down there in St. Joseph's Hall. Read the psalm and make a little resolution about some little adjustment that you can make with the grace of God in your monastic conversion. A parable.

[46:23]

My brother Bob works in the forest, and once Bob is clearing some land, he was cutting out the dead tree stumps to give a chance for the young trees to grow and develop. And I was with him one day and we cut down a very old ash tree, a huge trunk this big, with branches towering that hadn't greened in years. It was obviously dead. There was neither life nor value in that huge tree. And so Bob cut it down. True to Bob's calculations, this huge trunk was completely empty inside.

[47:27]

It was hollow inside, where it touches the ground. It had rotted out from the moisture and disease. A dead trunk, worthless wood. But to our great surprise, as we were cutting this log into pieces that could be moved, we found life in death. Years ago, a swarm of bees had made its home in the hollow trunk, wherein we discovered, as we were sawing the trunk in pieces, nearly eight feet of beehive activity and wax, where the eggs were laid, hatched, grew, and the busy bee squatters had set to work. A whole world of bee activity had settled in the dead trunk, producing honey by the gallon.

[48:35]

Even with the tree trunk resting in its old age, the swarm of bees continued their productive life. That parable is all about us. It's all about us. and those decaying and rotting parts of our lives which seem useless but actually still have a lot of good and sweetness in them. Tomorrow morning at 8.30, 8.30 we will read together Psalm 130, Psalm 130. Let us prefer nothing to the love of Christ. May God bring us all together to everlasting life.

[49:29]

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