In a sashin we are together and at the same time alone. This is particularly noticeable to me now, as I said, this is my first sashin, so with lectures. And that's where it really stands out to me. There is this feeling, yes, we sit together all the time. And at the same time, I don't know at all what actually happens to each one of you. I assume there are 36 different people worlds in the broadcast and 36 different processes that take place there, questions and so on.

[01:05]

And it's kind of exciting for me to look for what the level of the conversation is. That's good. I can't hear a word. Thank you. We always had a translation attempt that went into the pants. But that works well. Yes, this being together and being alone. This is even shown in the way that in Sotozen we decide to look at the wall while sitting. We don't need to say much about that. We sit there, looking into nothing but what we put in front of us. That's what we look into.

[02:06]

But we sit together, rowing together. And I observe that the togetherness is already visible. Often, when one person moves somewhere, another person immediately moves somewhere. When one person coughs, another person coughs immediately somewhere. And on some level, I think, We don't just synchronize, but it's also very practical. I think I would have stopped with Sashin by now, if you weren't all here. There's also the... It's such a... You don't really know who or what... but he still sits and she still sits.

[03:10]

Well, then I'll stay sitting a little longer. Yes, we do this clearly together on many levels. And I'm convinced that a lot of what is shown in my sitting probably also has a sound somewhere in what is shown in others. But I don't know exactly. Eine ganz unbestimmbare Art und Weise vielleicht, miteinander allein zu sein. And on the second day of such a Sesshinda, I think the second or sometimes the third, there is always a very good question. Why did I sign up again? What am I doing here again?

[04:11]

In the meantime, I know in what state of mind Ich mir die Frage sowieso nicht beantworten kann. Es gibt so Phasen, da gibt es einfach keine guten Gründe mehr. I know that when someone asks me from the outside, before or after, why am I doing this, and I'm supposed to say something about it, then I often get, even if I don't really try to explain and explore, but simply the target words that I find are something like, Ja, es ist so ein Gefühl, ich erhoffe mir in so einem Sesshin vielleicht eine tiefere Art von Stille zu finden. Oder vielleicht ein Gefühl von Freiheit oder so.

[05:18]

Da hat bestimmt jeder oder jede ihre eigenen Gefühle. their own, the kind of longing, I'll call it that, which then makes us walk this path. And I'm often asked back, yes, good, but now silence and also freedom, can't you also go on vacation there? There are beautiful things, you can sit on the beach, it's also quiet. And Cocktail drinking and so. Und da wird mir dann klar immer an dieser Stelle, ja okay, das ist eine fundamentale Lebensfrage. Wo vermute ich denn meine Unfreiheit? Im Außen oder im Innen? Wo vermute ich denn die Unruhe, die ich erfahre?

[06:19]

Im Außen oder im Inneren? When I say that the unrest I experience and the unrest I experience has to do with my partner and my job, then my partner's vacation and my job may be a very good choice. But when I have the feeling that something is working in me and I want to give it some space, I want to see Was da auftaucht und wie das auftaucht, wenn es Raum hat. Ja, dann ist vielleicht sowas wie eins erschienen. Der Raum, in dem das auftauchen kann. Ich weiß, dass ich ganz lange in meinem Praxisleben, ich habe gerade nochmal, wenn ich auf so ein Dokument gestoßen bin, einen Brief, den ich mal jemandem geschrieben habe, in den ersten Jahren, als ich praktiziert habe. Und da habe ich wortwörtlich geschrieben, ich kann mich selber nur noch im Sitzen aushalten.

[07:25]

Ich hatte das schon ganz vergessen, aber ich hatte dieses Gefühl, dass ich mich selber nur noch in dieser Haltung aushalten könnte, eine Zeit lang. Everything else was different. When I had to cook breakfast, I always made a huge mess. Even if it hurt, I could only endure sitting. And I think that was a phase when some pain or a lot of pain that appears are forms of unrest. Forms of perhaps some events or simply unprocessed things that Or... Some...

[08:34]

Pain, or some tensions that then occur in the form of pain, can also simply be protections that we have once adopted. Sometimes it's just because we know that if we keep moving internally in a certain activity, stay in a certain activity, think and do and so on, then there are certain things that we don't have to feel. It is a kind of inner activity that goes on and on. It can then have the source to avoid something that I may not yet feel. And all this is then shown in the body, where the muscles are put into tension, Sometimes rotation of the spine or in the joints and so on.

[10:11]

It is important, especially for those of you who do not yet have so much sitting experience, to be able to distinguish between pains that really damage the joints. and pain that in principle comes from any form of inner unrest. I now call this inner unrest. The taste of it may be different for each individual. An inner tension that now shows itself where it cannot pour itself into the activity. Sobald sich sowas in die Aktivität hinein ergießen kann, fühle ich es halt nicht mehr. Und dann ist es erschienen, treffen wir die bewusste Entscheidung, ich bewege mich jetzt nicht.

[11:11]

Und dann kann das nirgendwo hin. Und wenn das nirgendwo hin kann, dann geht es halt in die Muskeln, die es sonst vielleicht aktivieren würde. Und diese Impulse, I am very touched when I come to the broadcast in the morning and Suzuki Roshi once said As for us Asians, we all look the same. If you don't look very closely. Interestingly, for the Asians, we Westerners all look the same. Which I can't imagine. We all look different. For them, we all look the same. Suzuki Roshi said, I only recognize you when I come to the broadcast and see you sitting. And then I come in and I see this incredible, every single one of you, this incredible, in English you would say sincerity, this strong feeling.

[12:21]

Ich empfinde auch ein warmes Gefühl, dass jeder, jede von euch irgendwie mitbringt, das euch hierher gebracht hat. Das ist eine starke Entscheidung, hier zu sein. So, und das zu sehen und diese Bereitschaft zu sehen, ich stelle mich. Ja, was denn eigentlich? Irgendwie mir selbst. Ich stelle mich mir selbst. That's strong. It's totally touching. And then at the same time to see how each individual is a little bit different. my shoulder here is a bit cramped and you can see from the outside that she doesn't have to, she can just go down. But not from the inside. And I realize then, when I sometimes put my hands on your shoulders, it's always for me, it's always as if I'm touching something sacred. I also touch something sacred. But then you feel as much as

[13:36]

The other shoulder is a bit like this, and when a hand comes, a lot of people do this. Yes. So that shows in this, where there is nowhere, now we have such a posture, written down for us, for five days, in which all that works inside, can't go anywhere. Außer, dass es sich uns zeigen kann. Jetzt sind halt, wenn es sich uns zeigt, in dieser Begegnung, wir mit uns selbst, Da kann man jetzt unterschiedliche, so kleine, ich nenne das mal Kalibrierungen, so Feinabstimmungen für diese Begegnung vornehmen.

[14:53]

Ja. And I would like to point out one or two typical first reactions to the encounter with myself, which I would call obstacles. One typical first reaction is that when something comes up, Let's say I have a feeling of tension with another person. And then I think about it. And then, ah yes, that's typically my topic. I already know that topic. When I think, for example, I have to get through that before I can practice. Or that's in the way of my practice now. Das halte ich für ein Hindernis. Ähnlich so, wenn es gar nicht ein emotionales Thema ist, sondern vielleicht eine körperliche Spannung.

[16:01]

Ah, die muss erst noch weg, damit ich wirklich praktizieren kann. Wenn die weg ist, dann könnte ich wirklich hier sitzen. Das ist ein Hindernis. Dann benutzen wir unser Leiden, um uns von der Praxis zu trennen. Gib beim Leiden doch nicht diese Macht, Unser Leiden kann genau das sein, was unser ganz persönlicher Weg in der Praxis ist. Unser Leiden ist dann unser Lehrer. Ah, diese Spannung ist jetzt meine Praxis. Dieses Gefühl in der Schulter, dieser verdrehte Wirbel, dieses Emotionale oder dieses Lebensthema, das ist jetzt meine Praxis. And then it's just fundamental, now we're not sitting here in a therapeutic setting, but in a dharmic setting.

[17:11]

And there I would like to just summarize two points from yesterday. I would like to summarize my whole lecture from yesterday as something like a benevolent self-contradiction to create a well-wishing, yogic environment. That's what I call it now. Because, yes, sitting yourself, just sitting down, I know there are different, especially in the Zen school, different views on it. Our Dharma Sangha teaches with Baker Roshi's great emphasis on the craft of practice, the craft of practice. is that just sitting down is potentially not helpful at all.

[18:27]

It can be helpful, but it can't be just as good. It's important to refine the posture, the physical posture, first and foremost. And this refinement happens from the inside out. Maybe I'll say a few words about this physical refinement. Most of you, I know, are very experienced. You have your own forms. But the basis is the stable base with the legs. So as soon as the legs, and a few of you see that when the legs hang a little in the air, it's not a stable base. You have to look at it individually. ob ihr dann irgendeine andere Art von Haltung einnehmt, aber die Beine sollten idealerweise wie so ein Tripod, ich weiß nicht, wie die heißen, diese Dreiecks, dass man mit drei Punkten, bei mir sind das die beiden Knie und der Po, das berührt, dann hat man stabil in den Beinen.

[19:39]

Wenn das eine Stabilität gibt, dann kann von da heraus der Rumpf, das Becken, can really sink in there. And from there, the spine relaxes, goes into the upright. A good recommendation that Letizia reminded me of a few days ago, simply from body therapy, Gerade wenn bei allen Formen von Schmerzen und unangenehmen Gefühlen es die typische Reaktion des Körpers ist, sich zusammenziehen zu wollen. Und das innerlich so ein bisschen wie abwehren zu wollen. Das ist ganz natürlich. Aber von der körperlichen Haltung her ist da eine ganz gute Empfehlung, an openness as much as possible, but also a great power to bring it into the pelvis.

[20:47]

And to look there, can I open the posture downwards? You always have to look at yourself how you do that. Maybe almost a little bit like breathing in deeply. find your own focus and give it space, give it real space. Breathe forward, breathe down, let the pelvis be nice and big and strong. And then to see that when the impulse to pull yourself together comes up internally, Gerade in dem, wohlwollend mit sich selbst zu arbeiten durch den Atem, zu schauen, kann ich, obwohl der Impuls auftaucht, mich zusammenzuziehen, da gestern diesen Begriff eine zarte Lebendigkeit benutzt, zu schauen, kann ich mich darin mit etwas Zartem verbinden.

[21:49]

and breathe in this tenderness, then I can see in the chest, without forcing an opening, then I bring a hardness into the system. Really from a feeling of love. was zartem heraus, in Kontakt mit mir selbst zu bleiben und schauen, ob darin irgendwo ich mich verbinden kann, inmitten dessen, mit einem Gefühl von Wärme und Öffnung. It may be, I can't promise, but it may be that if we sit through the pain, sit through it, not in the sense of holding back, but just sit with these pains in a well-wishing space, Dass wir dann auf einmal manchmal ganz plötzlich wie auf der anderen Seite der Schmerzen sind.

[23:06]

Das kann sein, dass dann, wenn man auf die andere Seite der Schmerzen, wenn man sich dort auf einmal findet, dann gibt es manchmal so ein Gefühl, auf einmal wie geklärt zu sein. Oh. Sometimes I feel as if puddles are falling off my eyes, as if I'm being declared internally. Sometimes even as if I'm being washed through with light. When you give the intelligence of your own vitality, when you give it space and you simply trust it, And this intelligence, for me, shows itself in a feeling of a certain tenderness, or a certain warmth, which can sway a little everywhere. When you trust this intelligence of your own body, then it may be that the body finds its own ways.

[24:15]

And the second is what I call a benevolent and a yogic space. And yogic refers to the level of the worldview. Roughly speaking, even if it's not an either-or, it's often referred to as a kip figure. and the ability to have. And you do that by remembering it over and over again. A kip figure of someone, what I call, or Roshi calls it, a... reality view, the world as we see the normal reality, that's what's out there with all the solid bodies, into a relationality. The experience of everything that happens as something highly dynamic, interactive.

[25:27]

I am time. Ich bin Raum. Ich bin nicht in der Zeit. Ich bin nicht im Raum. Gibt keine Zeit und Raum außerhalb von mir. Ich bin Zeitraum. Ich bin Raumzeit. Hineinkippen in diese Art von Weltsicht, Relationalität. Das ist der, wenn wir eine wohlwollende Selbstbeziehung verbunden haben, mit einem yogischen Weltsichtenraum. Das kann der innere Boden sein, in dem, wenn unser Leben sich im Sashin zeigt, da, wo es nirgendwo anders mehr hin kann, dann kann das der innere Boden sein, in dem es beginnt, sich anders zu zeigen. In dem wir beginnen können, vielleicht auch das alte Skripte, I start to loosen up a little bit.

[26:34]

There is suddenly air between the words. Old scripts, I mean. Maybe our fortified feeling of it. Sometimes it's crazy. I know what my life is crazy about. That's what I call a script, a solid script. That's what drove my life. And then it loosens up. And all of a sudden, maybe not all of a sudden, but little by little, I can start to write with it, to write new, out of the present, into something new. By the way, that's what... vielleicht das, wo ich dem Roshi mit am dankbarsten bin, wenn man mit Baker Roshi, es ist so eine Art Gefühl, dass ich von ihm lerne. Wenn man mit Baker Roshi unterwegs ist, wenn man mit ihm reist, dann kennt man am Ende der Reise total viele Leute.

[27:42]

Er lernt überall Leute kennen, das ist Wahnsinn. And sometimes you even come to a cafe, let's say a airport cafe or something, where we have 25 minutes. After 10 minutes he feels like he knows all the waiters. He knows the people at the neighbor's table. He designed a complete plan for it, how he would rebuild the café, including a different running plan for the waiters. And what he does there, I always thought at first, can't you deal with me? So as a travel companion you get surprisingly little attention. At some point I started to ask myself, what is he actually doing there? And then we found out that Roshi is always a location. He's always a place. It doesn't matter where it comes from, it will build its own world in zero point nothing.

[28:47]

I think seriously, if you would attach it to a simple parachute, put it on a plane, throw it somewhere, it would build its own world in zero point nothing. No matter where. You don't even need to speak the language, as you can see. And what I find fascinating about it is... Where does it come from? What is it? What kind of person is that? It's such a feeling. On the one hand, it comes to me without a script. It comes to me, ah, here's the situation. I was just thinking about it. In one, I wasn't there, I think Christian Dillow told me the story. There he was in an airplane Saß er neben jemandem und hat den natürlich kennengelernt. Und dann hat er gefragt, ja, wo fliegst du denn hin? Und dann sagt der, oder wo kommst du denn her?

[29:52]

Vielleicht hat er gefragt, ja, wo kommst du denn her? Dann sagt der andere, das war ein Amerikaner, dann sagt der, ja, ich komme aus Österreich. Ich war gerade in Österreich. Dann sagt der Rauschen, oh ja, da bin ich auch häufig. Wo warst du denn in Österreich? Und dann sagt er, in Zürich. Ja, ja, ja. And then Rashi says, oh, yes, that's nice. And I already thought, Zurich should always stay in Switzerland. That's not a script. Oh, yes, then in this context it is, but... Oh, now it's just Zurich in Austria. Then that's the world now. And now we're working with it. I experienced that for the very first time when I was just... And the funniest thing for me was that maybe... And then I didn't know Roshi yet.

[30:58]

But I knew Johanneshof. I was here, so I had... I was here for two weeks for a work practice and at that time I couldn't name what I learned here. I couldn't name anything, but it was a very important experience for me. And then I went back home from there and I was still in school, so high school, 12th grade. And there were still holidays when I came back home. And that was a time, that's why I was at the Johannishof, where I didn't like it at all. My teachers also noticed that. And one teacher, my favorite teacher, she was also my teacher of trust, she was already worried about me. And I met her at the Edeka, when I just came back from the Johannishof. Because I drove my shopping cart through the shop and so did she. And this favorite teacher always called me Tobias.

[32:03]

She was a little surprised. I still don't know why she called me Tobias. Ah, Tobias! And then she said, are you feeling better now? And I said, yes, no, I'm feeling much better. And then she said, I was worried about you. I was just thinking about you. And now I have a gift for you, I just wanted to bring it to you. And she had such a big box of pralines. And then she gave it to me and gave it to me. But unfortunately still in front of the checkout. It was so lovely. I was so impressed that I am now Tobias and get gifts, unpaid gifts in front of the checkout. And I just took it without any problems.

[33:08]

I said, thank you, Ms. Stein. I put it in the shopping cart and gave it to Praline. She didn't even notice. She just walked away. Yes. And I learned that at that moment. Yes, I learned that at Johanneshof. That's how it is now. Now I'm Tobias and have Praline. It's this kind of, you can't just look at a script and see what it shows. But by the way, I brought you something else. So, this is an instruction from Yuan Wu. And I want to end with that. Er sagt im Prinzip das Gleiche, er sagt es nur ein bisschen anders als Frau Stein. Er sagt, sit upright and investigate actuality.

[34:22]

Sit upright and investigate the reality. Within an independent awareness, you must constantly step back from conventional perceptions and worldly entanglements. Mit einem unabhängigen Gewahrsein, unabhängig, ein Gewahrsein, das sich unabhängig gemacht hat. musst du immer wieder, constantly, nicht einmal und dann ist gut, immer wieder zurücktreten, heraustreten, aus konventionellen Wahrnehmung und weltlichen Verstrickungen. Dann sagt er, take your head out of a bowl of glue. Zieh deinen Kopf heraus. Go directly to your personal existence.

[35:30]

mitten in deine Lebendigkeit hinein, in deine eigene Lebendigkeit. Sagt er, and then turn the light around und dann wende das Licht nach innen. Your true nature will be still, clear, as is, and through and through empty. Wende das Licht nach innen. Bring das Licht der Aufmerksamkeit auf den Geist selbst. Was ist das? Was ist das? When? Okay, I bring the attention to the mat.

[36:58]

When I then think or feel this mat is out there. I bring the attention to the mat. Then it is There is no place which does not see you, you must change your life. Das Sehen sehen, das Hören hören. Die Sinne als erweiterter Körperraum als erweitertes Körperfeld.

[38:09]

Die Welt geht in mir. Geh ich in der Welt kin hin? Geh ich durch die Welt? Bin ich im Raum? Bin ich in der Zeit? Oder geht der Raum durch mich? Fließt Zeit durch mich? Ja, dann sagt er, practice at this level for 20 or 30 years. Until you are free of conditioned mind. Praktiziere auf diesem Level 20 oder 30 Jahre lang, bis du frei bist vom konditionierten Geist. If you seek a time when you finish, there will never be a time when you finish. Wenn du nach einer Zeit suchst, wenn du endlich fertig bist, dann wird diese Zeit nie kommen. Thank you.

[39:14]

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