Good morning. It's the first Saturday of the summer and it feels like summer has fully descended really quickly. It was hot out there just now. That's quite wonderful. So this morning, part of my mind is still back on what we were discussing during Seshin last week. Uh, and in the, I gave a talk last Saturday, some of you were here, uh, and there was a, in the question and answer, uh, someone spoke to, uh, his perception of life as a jigsaw puzzle, if I'm remembering it correctly, life as a jigsaw puzzle and feeling himself to be a piece that he couldn't find the place of.

[01:06]

He couldn't place that piece in the jigsaw puzzle. Is that fairly accurate? Yeah. So I was thinking about that a lot. And You know, that's really is a very immediate expression of the First Noble Truth. First Noble Truth is the truth of suffering. We call it suffering. Dukkha is the word in Pali. And it has a kind of envelope of meaning. We tend to translate it as suffering, but suffering is not. Doesn't on the one hand cover it all and doesn't. Doesn't account for maybe the subtler

[02:09]

states of mind or different states of mind. So sometimes it can be translated as discomfort, sometimes as a kind of unease or dis-ease. And I think that the sense of oneself as a piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit is a really good expression of, it's a personalized expression of dukkha. And of course, that's the first noble truth. The second noble truth is the truth of the cause of suffering. And often that is ascribed to clinging or desire. You could also express it in a relatively simple vernacular way as a lot of our suffering is wanting things to be different from how they are at this very moment.

[03:31]

And the third noble truth is that there is an end to suffering. That that is part of the Buddha's vision that one can end one's suffering. And the fourth noble truth is the path to the end of suffering. And it's a path, it's a whole life path embedded in the Dharma and embedded in in ethics, in meditation, and in wisdom and various aspects of that, which include how we speak to each other. It includes the work that we do. It includes our commitment to Zazen. and the awakening that we experience.

[04:35]

That's a moment-by-moment awakening. All of us have moments of this. And as you practice longer, then there's the ground of your practice widens and strengthens. And you can look at things in an awake way. As you go through your life, you can find those things. Your awakenings can happen more quickly. And usually they're awakenings to one's own afflictions, you know, that something makes me angry, you know, in times past perhaps, I would kind of let it sit there and I kind of stew on it and let it bubble and boil.

[05:41]

And by that point, you know, it was fully cooked. And then I had to serve it up. But if you apply your mind and your practice to it, then you can see it arising much more quickly. And you have some element of choice about how you want to respond. Nonetheless, speaking to this condition of being a misshapen puzzle piece, perhaps, the verse that I go back to from, I go back to a verse from our ancestor Dogen Zenji, and this is in a text that we study a lot, Gensho Koan, the Koan or the realization

[06:47]

realization within everyday life, waking up within our everyday life. And this is kind of one of my, one of the core things that I remind myself about. And he says, when Dharma fills your body and mind, you realize that something is missing. You know, when you have, when you really understand the nature of reality, you realize that you are a misshapen puzzle piece and you can't find the place to fit exactly. And so Dogen answered there, when Dharma fills your whole body and mind, you realize that something is missing. And if I had to put a sort of commentarial capping phrase, a clause on that, I would say.

[07:52]

When Dharma fills your whole body and mind, you realize that something is missing and that's just fine. You know, because if there was nothing missing, there'd be no way to change. And you'd be locked down in who you are, which has nothing to do with the Buddha Dharma, the Buddha's teachings. And still, we understand when somebody says they feel like a misfit, we understand that, we understand the pain that they're experiencing. and we understand that our human yearning for completion and yet the Buddha even in his last words, the last words that he spoke before he passed away are essentially

[09:11]

He was telling his students that all compounded things, all conditioned things are subject to decay. All conditioned things fall apart. And then he says, I urge you to practice with care. think that's sometimes it's seek your salvation which i don't think those words are not they're not in the uh seek your salvation with diligence but care is interesting uh and even in this trend even in this translation uh there's an ambiguity about, in English, about the preposition with. So it's practice with care, meaning on one hand using care, which is also, you could translate that as mindfulness, paying careful attention to what arises within us.

[10:38]

And also somehow the with, it's like, practice accompanying care, going side by side with care. You see the distinction I'm making? It's like care is there. Care is already moving through the world and we can align ourselves with it. And that's, I think that's the way that the Buddha was encouraging his his disciples to practice, but he reminded them that all compounded things fall apart. It's like, you can't stop that. It is incomplete. When we talk about, you realize something is missing, as Dobin says, what's missing? No, what's missing is permanence, What's also missing is some essence or soul or core that I can point to as saying, that is Alan.

[11:52]

I haven't found it yet. And so we see all these things fall apart. And this is the condition of our life in our world. This is what actually kind of the subject matter of all the talks during Sesshin that Sojin Roshi gave and that Shuso Ellen gave and myself also that we see friends and loved ones becoming old. We see ourselves becoming old and losing capacities and abilities that we previously relied upon. We see ones that we love, ones that we respect pass away. And we see so much loss and chaos in the world at large.

[12:56]

There's so much brokenness that is just, sometimes it feels like it wants to just roll over us like a great wave. We see sometimes that our plans don't work out. And we worry for ourselves, for those we love, and for the world. William Butler Yeats wrote about this in the aftermath of World War I, which was just, there was so much really stupid, unnecessary slaughter and death, you know, armies slogging it out face to face for like two or three years, passing

[14:05]

yards of gained territory back and forth for no purpose at all and leaving those nations really bereft after that war and we have seen other wars we've have experienced this ourselves so in his 1919 poem He writes, turning and turning in the widening gyre, the falcon cannot hear the falconer. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world. Is it gyre or gyre? Jaya? Yeah. That means kind of spiral.

[15:10]

So turning and turning in a widening spiral. The falcon, which is ourselves, we can't hear the falconer, whether that's God or Buddha or our just losing the grip on our sense of what is right and whole in the world we we lose that so things fall apart the center can't hold and we've seen we are seeing uh mere anarchy loosed upon the world with something that Sojourn Roshi said last week. It's always been that way. It's always been that way. And yet the fact that it has always been that way does not somehow alleviate the sting of our present circumstance.

[16:24]

but it have to say that the center cannot hold because there isn't a center. So long as we're looking for the center, we are in a, a kind of vain effort to pin things down and there's only causes and conditions and elements that are coming together and falling apart. Coming together and falling apart. So our lives and the nature of things that we rely on their solidity, even though really ultimately they're not solid, but it's like, we can see ourselves like a stalk of bamboo.

[17:31]

that bamboo is really strong and flexible. And if you peel away layer after layer, in the middle, it's empty. There's nothing there. And yet, in its coming together of causes and conditions, it has a great strength. And I think this is the condition of Zazen for us. This is how we train ourselves. In a sense, you could say it is being hopeless. It's also You could describe it as just as being open.

[18:36]

That is actually the condition and fundamental instruction for how we work with our mind in Zazen is to be open and receptive to everything and let it flow through. And it also means recognizing Dogen's proposition that something is missing, recognizing not knowing, recognizing that we don't know. We don't have a sense of certainty about things. Except we do see this endless pattern of falling apart and coming together and falling apart. And so the whole of existence, I was thinking about it today and it's like, it's like a holographic three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle.

[19:51]

You know, so it's really, really complicated. And sometimes the pieces fit. And sometimes they don't. And it's a puzzle that is always what Dogen called total dynamic activity. Always moving. so you can see it as this great infinite ball of buddha nature that is constantly vibrant and full of light and generating new configurations new shapes every moment and that shape us and the pieces we think don't fit.

[20:53]

So when I was thinking about this yesterday, another image came to mind or another phrase came to mind that I confess I don't. I haven't studied, you know, my background, my birth tradition was Judaism. And I had a very dysfunctional Jewish education. And I left really quickly, as soon as I actually completed my Bar Mitzvah. So I feel like I missed some really wonderful and important teachings. And I know people in recent years have been studying the Kabbalah. I think, Sojin, did you study, you were studying that before you came to Zen, is that correct? Yeah.

[22:07]

So, there's a phrase that was kind of circulated by the 16th century Rabbi Isaac Luria, and you probably heard it. There's a lot of controversy about this phrase, tikkun olam. Do you know this? There's, you know, as with all theology, there's incredible arguments back and forth about, does it mean this? Does it mean that? It doesn't mean social justice. It does mean social justice. It's translated, sometimes it's translated as repairing the world. So I want to read you a little, this is from a piece by contemporary Jewish writer, Howard Schwartz, from his book Tree of Souls. At the beginning of time, God's presence filled the universe. When God decided to bring this world into being, to make room for creation, he first drew in his breath, contracting himself.

[23:21]

And from that contraction, darkness was created. And when God said, let there be light, the light that came forth into being filled the darkness and 10 holy vessels came into existence, each filled with this primordial light. In this way, God sent forth those 10 vessels, like a fleet of ships. each carrying its cargo of light. Had they all arrived intact, the world would have been perfect. But the vessels were too fragile to contain such a powerful light. And so they broke open and split into an infinite number of shards.

[24:23]

And all the holy sparks were scattered like sand, like seeds, like stars. And those sparks fell everywhere. And it says, that is why we were created, to gather the sparks no matter where they are hidden. And when enough holy sparks have been gathered, the broken vessels will be restored and Tikkun Olam, the repair of the world, awaited so long, will finally be complete. Therefore, it should be the aim of everyone to raise these sparks from wherever they are imprisoned and to elevate them by the power of their soul. Now, this isn't exactly Buddhistic, but there's so much resonance in this to me.

[25:27]

And I think that this, when it says, therefore, it should be the aim of everyone to raise these sparks from wherever they are imprisoned. This is essentially the Bodhisattva vow. which is the vow that we will chant at the end of this talk. And I also see this, the universe filled with these shards of the broken vessels and the existing infinitely generative light has another way of looking at the universe that we contemplate from a Buddhist perspective.

[26:28]

So, we have this complicated and not always Well, we have this complicated, uncomfortable and infinite reality to sit with and to live with. The beauty of this jigsaw puzzle is immense. It's also true that the places where the jagged edges do not meet up Those are places where people, beings, the environment experience pain. And on the one hand, you could say in any given moment, at any given, from any given Dharma position, if you will, things are just as they are.

[27:44]

in some uncomfortable way, perfect. And on the other hand, we have, we have a responsibility to repair the world, to heal the world. My teacher, Shodoharada, you know, he's one side of Zen. He's a Rinzai monk, and so he's always pushing in the direction of cutting through, cut, cut, cut through to enlightenment. We don't talk about it so much here, but it's not really so different, but he pushes. So that's one vector of our practice is like aligning ourselves with what is infinite.

[28:56]

The other vector, the other perspective of our practice is from the point of view of recognizing that we are Buddha. than serving all other beings. Those two, to me, are inseparable perspectives. So you could say, looking from earth to heaven and looking from heaven to earth. One without the other is not complete. So we recognize ourselves as this puzzle in which all the pieces don't fit. Momentarily, they might, but they won't stay that way.

[30:00]

And we won't stay that way because the things that we are, that we love, go away, and that's just the way it is, and that's fine. It may not feel fine, but I think by definition it is. So I think that's all I wanted to say. I think in terms of song a lot, and I don't want to make it a shtick, but I have a song for you if that's okay, and then we have some time for discussion. So this is a Bob Dylan song.

[31:03]

I think this is from his album, Oh Mercy, which was in his Christian period. And it's called Everything is Broken. So you can see why my mind led to this song, right? Broken lines, broken strings, Broken threads, broken springs, Broken idols, broken heads, People sleeping in broken beds. Ain't no use jiving, ain't no use joking, Everything is broken. Broken bottles and broken plates Broken switches and broken gates Broken dishes, broken parts The streets are filled with broken hearts Broken words never meant to be spoken

[32:09]

Everything is broken. Seems like every time you stop and turn around, something else just hits the ground. Broken cutters, broken saws, broken buckles, and broken laws. Broken bodies, broken bones, broken voices on broken phones. Take a deep breath and you feel like you're choking. Everything is broken. Every time you leave and go off some place, Well, things fall to pieces in my face. Broken hands and broken plows, Broken treaties, broken vows, Broken pipes, broken tools, People bending broken rules.

[33:24]

Hound dog howling, bird frog croaking, Everything is broken. Everything is broken. Well, it's all cracked up. Everything is broken. So we have a few minutes left. We can talk about what's broken and what isn't, what fits and what doesn't. So we're open if you have thoughts. Yeah, Sue. Yeah. Right.

[34:47]

Yeah. Everything is not finished, but I really think that to say you have everything you need right now means you and everybody have everything they need right now. And that's a really difficult thought. It's not like everything you need to do something. It's everything you need right now.

[35:53]

But then there's now and there's now. And fortunately, you could say nothing is missing because there's never nothing. There's always something. You know, so nothing is missing. Yes. Right, that's true. And, you know, I'm just putting, I'm sort of being devil's advocate here. The thing is that you can't fix all the broken things. It just, that's why, that's the conundrum of the Bodhisattva vows are like that.

[36:57]

Beings are numberless. Okay, they're numberless. I vow to save them all. Wait a second. There's a built-in contradiction. delusions are inexhaustible. I vowed to end them. You know, it's like we are willing, we willingly engage with the infinite. We, you know, it's like, okay. And we also need to be prepared. We prepare, we're prepared to fall short. We're prepared to fail. and we keep trying because that's, you know, we have to, that's why the Buddha, his exhortation is to practice diligently or to practice with care, you know, he was, that exhortation was being given, I think, mostly to the arhats who theoretically had already

[38:01]

finish their business. So why do they need to do something? You know, and he was saying, don't stop for the sake of all life. Yeah. At one point you mentioned maybe when you were describing Sansa, and that sort of resonated with you. Well, again, I think that from the standpoint of this talk, I was talking about a kind of radical hopelessness, which is not colored by despair.

[39:21]

We usually think hopelessness leads to despair. And I think that what I'm saying, hopelessness is just reflecting the open receptive awareness of Zazen. But then, when we step into the world, we necessarily have intentions and hopes and disappointments, but we're conditioned, we begin to be shaped by the fact that we realize there's another way that we can touch to encounter the world. Yeah. As we view the world though, is there something valuable in sitting with that blacker coat? I think that the point of the practices include everything, or the method of the practices include everything.

[40:51]

So it's not to, you could say, in other modes of practice, kind of the end state is to purify your mind, means to kind of rid your mind of thoughts or desires, and I think the method of most of Mahayana Buddhism and certainly our approach to Zen is to include everything. It's not to hold your mind in some position, but actually to open your mind to whatever comes, And also, the fundamental motivation, our fundamental drive, I think, as animals and perhaps as Buddhas, Buddha always turned, if somebody was addressing him, he always turned to that person.

[41:58]

He put his attention to that person. So that's a manifestation of love, of connection. And so that is, that's a value, if you will. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. You know, hopelessness during my life, it always turned into despair. That's just the way it is. And then you get this big depression and crisis and everything really falls apart. And I discovered in this practice a brand new hopelessness arose. And what it's related to is You know, with nothing to attain. And the hopelessness, you know, it came down to recognizing that hope was desire.

[43:07]

It was like the beginning of desire. It could manifest into that, but if you just let it be, contentment arises. And contentment was something that, you know, throughout my life, it never, Yeah, yeah, that's right. And so to find contentment, to find that, I mean, our culture is all about happiness. Even in our founding documents, the pursuit of happiness, we're guaranteed that. But letting it go, not having that hope of finding happiness, isn't it? is what I need.

[44:07]

It sounds, you know, when you're starting a practice, that sounds awful. You know, the renunciation, all that, just sounds awful. But practice makes it arise. It naturally arises. It isn't anything to try to attain. Just as you practice, you turn around and go, oh, wow, this arose. So hopelessness Yeah, thank you, that's really helpful. It reminds me, for some reason I'm thinking of a talk that was given here by Jisha Warner, a teacher in Sonoma County, and she was speaking of her teacher, Tozan Akiyama,

[45:17]

who is a Japanese teacher who taught in, I think, in Anchorage, Alaska for a while. Is that right? And he described, he called himself Hopeless Tozan. And his expression, one thing that he was articulating was basically this other Zen perspective we have of one continuous mistake. It's like, I'm hopeless. I just make one stupid mistake after another. And I accept that in myself. Yeah, Maheen. It's almost the same question you have asked. You said everything is broken and everything is perfect. What are we doing? Yes, yes, I mean, I think if I had to think and I'm really wary of sort of cross cultural and cross religious.

[46:39]

You know, theories, but I think that. our responsibility, we're gathering the light, and we gather the light in our own mind and life so that we can impart it and share it to others. That's the motivation for, you know, it's only for the benefit of others. Sojin, do you have any comment or thoughts? The center takes any shape even though there's no center.

[47:47]

No doesn't mean no. Yes doesn't always mean yes. And if you don't understand the oneness of yes and no, you're wasting your time. That's all I can say. That's pretty good. Maybe one more, Jose. When you just said, you know, gathering the idea of gathering light so that we can share it, it sounds like there is a point in time where we feel like we can share it. Is there a point or is it always? It's always it's always because as what Sochin was pointing out, we are from our perspective, we're coming from we are We are, there is oneness of which we are an expression. And so there's a sense in which we are, there's nothing broken.

[48:51]

And how can we be like water or air? And actually what I would say is that the practice that we're doing cannot be broken. That cannot be broken. That's why it was given to us and passed on as not something external to ourselves, but it's whole and unbroken. And we're so fortunate to be able to have a glimpse of that. in our lives, because a lot of people don't see that. A lot of people are caught in their sense of brokenness. And I think there really is something else. There's another way to live. So let's stop there.

[49:55]

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