Good morning. Good morning. I'd like to introduce today's speaker, who really needs no introduction, a longtime BCC resident and senior student, Ross Blom. He's been living here since 87 or so and been a senior student back before recorded time. And so let's hear what he has to say this morning. Thank you, Laurie. I was at a restaurant last night with my notebook, going over my notes for today's talk, and the waitress came over and she asked me if I was a restaurant reviewer. So after this talk, I may have a new career, or I'll have to go back to the old one.

[01:05]

But I thought about what she thought I was by looking at this book and the form of this book and what that connotes. And I was also looking at a little boat of candle on the table that I was sitting at, which looked very much like the candle burning on my altar at my house. Today's the third anniversary of my father's passing. And in Jewish tradition, I grew up in one light, so yortzite candle at sundown the night before, so it's burning throughout the time of this passing. So we have these forms that in one context mean one thing, in another context mean another. So Hosan Sensei is leading the senior students and all of us in the aspects of practice this year, and it's entitled, The Heart of Our Forms.

[02:10]

And we've had a few classes and talks around the forms, and I had to think about, well, what am I going to talk about? So I thought, well, the Heart of the Forms, why don't we talk about the Heart Sutra? which is really where the heart of the forms come from, when one examines it more closely. So in the Heart Sutra that we recite each day, there is a line that says, form is emptiness, emptiness is form, and the rest of the skandhas fall in suit. Emptiness of feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness So when we look at what our form is that we are looking at, or what we feel in our body, there is a sense of what is the feeling and perceptions and mental formations that follow suit.

[03:21]

So more simply put, the form is the physical thing, the body that we embody. And then the other skandhas are dealing with the mind. So if we're mindful of the forms in front of us, what comes up as a result of that mindfulness are the whole works of who we are in relationship to that form. So we have a provisional relationship to the form that's in front of us. Things are constantly changing. So for instance, when we see something that we call a dog in front of us, there's this form.

[04:26]

And shortly thereafter, we have a whole mental construct around what a dog is, how this dog might be, might behave, might bring up wonderful memories of a dog that we had as a child, might bring up fear because we may have been bitten by a dog similar to that. But all of that is extra. And yet this is who we are. We get to work with the forms that are around us. and nothing is fixed. During Oreoke meals, we have a tray of gamasio. Gamasio is sesame seeds and salt. It's a condiment. And traditionally, for many, many years, we carried around a tray of gamasio, the cup, gamasio, a little spoon, and a little saucer. And there were bowels and offerings that people would take and receive and go to the next person.

[05:29]

And if you've never experienced this, you can just envision going to a sushi restaurant and seeing a little container of soy sauce that's on a little ceramic or cloth saucer. And that's the form of the restaurant, and this is the form of our gamassio offering here at BCC. So, one Saturday, the head server forgot the saucers. And the gamassio cups were just sitting on the tray without saucers. So according to our strict forms, this was a mistake. But as a result of this mistake, we no longer use saucers, because it's a whole lot easier taking the cup of Gamacio off the tray and putting it back on without having to hold the saucer along with that. So the head server who had forgotten that felt bad that he had forgotten a form, but at the same time we've grown to be a lot more simpler and more facile in the practice here of Gamasio as a result of that.

[06:41]

That's pretty good. Being someone who is inclined or predisposed toward forms and right angles and that sort of thing, experiences like that have been helpful for me to let go of how things ought to be or how they should be, even if they fit with my particular form or my idea of myself. When I have opportunities to see things and experience things a little differently, it's a freeing experience, an enlightening experience, actually. And I probably too would have felt bad if I had forgotten the saucers on the bottom of the Gamacio cups, but be that as it may, that's the extra part. So form is emptiness, is that

[07:49]

there's no such thing as a form. A form is not, that has no substance. A feeling has no inherent substance or reality. Perceptions, consciousness, all the various skandhas, the five skandhas is how we take in the world, have no inherent substance or self that we can point to. So The way we live in the world and we relate to things in the world is recognizing that there's nothing fixed and substantial as a form or feeling or perception, etc. But in any given moment, that is what's up for us. So it exists and it doesn't exist as things co-arise. So we sit zazen, we're sitting in emptiness.

[08:59]

When we get off the cushion, or off our chair, we are in the realm of form, in the relative world, and we live a life of a bodhisattva, which, for sake of discussion, is not a Buddha. They're purposely separate from others. They see themselves as other, as another. So they can actually be in the world and help save all sentient beings. The Buddha doesn't have to save a sentient being. A Buddha is just a Buddha, just sitting in emptiness. And that space, the feeling of emptiness, the experience of emptiness, is actually seeing the interrelatedness of everything.

[10:06]

The interrelatedness of the feelings that arise when I see a dog that I've had history with, the memory of an animal that bit me, or that provided me some comfort and warmth. So Avalokiteshvara is the Bodhisattva who has gotten off of her cushion and hears the sounds of the world and saves sentient beings. So how does a Buddha become a Bodhisattva? And how does a Bodhisattva become a Buddha? Is it simply getting up off a cushion? Is it simply getting back on a cushion?

[11:13]

But what if there's no cushion? Most of our life we're not on a cushion. Traditionally in Buddhism it's discussed that there are three worlds. The world of form, the world of formlessness and the world of desire. So the world of form is all the things that we see, smell, taste, touch, feel. That's pretty obvious. Then there's the world of formlessness. What's that? That's a bit more mysterious. Then there's a world of desire.

[12:17]

Some of us know about that. So, I was thinking about the three worlds. I thought, well, these two things seem separate. There's a world of form. And then there's this mystery of the world of formlessness. And how do the two come together? Well, the two come together with our desire. The world of our desire. The things we want, the things we don't want. All the various expressions of desire. So as we're living our life, walking through the world of desire, holding both form and formlessness. Karen Sondheim, who I don't think is here today, is one of our senior students, and she spoke the other Monday about her aversion to forms, and how she actually finally found a way into practice, and has been practicing for decades now, in the world of form.

[13:37]

And she spoke about how by following a particular form, whether she liked it or not was irrelevant. After a while she found the rest of her following the form. I'm paraphrasing, but essentially she wasn't practicing something in order to realize. She actually had the form out there and realized something bigger than what she had ever had before. It's as if she placed the world of form out there and through her desire to practice discovered the formless nature of all things and is continuing on in her practice with that. As a child, I used to see my father kiss the mezuzah on the doorpost of our house as he came in and exited our home.

[14:49]

I never quite understood it, but he did it religiously. My mother was not inclined that way, but my dad did. When my parents aged, they moved to an independent living facility I bought them a mezuzah to put on the door and my dad continued that tradition and once in a while I would kiss it but it didn't really have any relevance for me even though I grew up Jewish I didn't follow the Jewish faith as such and then when he died I started kissing the mezuzah and I can't say I know anything more about Judaism now as a result of this practice, but it has a really great significance. And one thing that it does that relates to our practice here is that you have to slow down in order to kiss your lips, place your hand on the bazissa, and go through the threshold in or out.

[16:06]

That's pretty good. that fits. Some of you know I work at Pete's Coffee and Tea and my day is fairly set with a particular routine of weighing out many, many pounds of coffee. And it's very easy for me to just get into the flow of work and feel however many pounds it is. and the familiar sound of the beans, the scale pan, the scoop, and all of that. And every so often I'll catch myself slowing down and feeling the beans fall from my scoop into the scale pan and that sound. And I started thinking as I was doing this, unbeknownst to my customers, well, how much is a pound?

[17:08]

things are going so fast, how much is a pound actually? And by slowing down, you kind of see the numbers, you know, going up and taking some beans out, they go down. And it was fascinating. I mean, it was just a pound of coffee or a half pound of coffee, whatever the measurement was. But by slowing down, I actually felt so much more connected to this mundane process of taking beans from one place and putting them in another. It was fascinating. I think if we drive cars that have a manual shift, there's an association with getting from A to B and the process with changing gears that's somewhat similar. So again the world of form of an automobile and getting in and going from A to B or a bag empty that's about to be filled with some coffee and then the process involved and what's my relationship in that process.

[18:29]

If the teaching that we follow doesn't help with our suffering or helping another with their suffering, then it's not so worthwhile. So in preparing for my talk, I started thinking, OK, I've done my study. I can name drop a few teachings and tell a few stories. But is this really helpful to people? Does this really help? Talking about my experience of scaling out coffee or having an exchange with a waitress at a restaurant or some of my personal history with my family. I don't know. When I was ordained here, on the back of my rakasu, Sojin Roshi wrote a few lines from Dogen Zenji's Genjo Koan.

[19:54]

And the lines he wrote were, seeing forms with the whole body and mind, hearing sounds with the whole body and mind, one understands them intimately. When I first got that, I thought, OK, I'll pay more attention to what I'm hearing and what I'm seeing and see if I get that piece at the end about one understands them intimately. Well, the intimacy, I think, is seeing the interrelatedness of the form world and the formless world and what our participation in that is and how something as mundane as scaling out coffee or driving to the store or wherever one's going

[21:14]

actually being present and seeing our life in that, in our desire to get to the store or to do a job well, it takes one out of wanting to be someplace else, not wanting to be here, wanting to be there, and just being present, which sounds really boring. It was just a job. I think when Sojourn Roshi said that he's never bored in Zazen, that it touches that place of just being present. There's all this stuff going on, we don't have to go anywhere. one of the forms that I work with to help me with my Zazen in trying to keep upright and my back straight is when I look forward I see the edge of the bottom of my eyeglasses and it typically falls on the edge of the Zapaton in front of me and then of course there's the black Zapaton then there's the white wall

[22:56]

So every so often I'll drift off into a little dream. And then I'll look down and I'll see, oh, it's like this. And the white is now in my glass frame. That's not how it's supposed to be. So I go back up like so. So that's a little form that helps me keep upright. Another form that helps me is to keep my back strong and upright and keep my front soft and open. If my front is hard, then I'm not going to allow things in. If my back is soft, I'm not going to be able to receive things.

[23:59]

So there's this dance and balance of keeping upright, pushing up from the back of your spine and then also softening the front so we can be present with each other and with whatever we happen to be doing. One of Sojourn Roshi's teachings is, he quotes his teacher, about being in time, which I used to think meant be on time. But it's not be on time. Although you should be on time.

[25:01]

But be in time. On Thursday, Leslie was talking with us about serving and the way to serve in the zendo, which certainly can be translated anywhere else in the world that you're moving your body, that if you rush, there's going to be a rushed feeling. And the person receiving your offering of a tray of food or whatever you're bringing to them is going to feel rushed. And if you go too slow, it's going to seem interminable how you and the person, when you all are going to meet. So how can we be in time so we are there moment by moment? There's certainly an impulse to rush. I know that myself.

[26:03]

I try not to speed up if the light's yellow, at the intersection, that sort of thing. And by and large there's enough time to take care of things. We don't need to rush. And what is the form of rushing? Well, if we look at the form that we're rushing around, if we look closely at it, we can see that it's about us, our discomfort of being not on time, not prepared, wanting to be someplace else, and a myriad of other things. One of the forms that we observe here are the priests with their robes and zagus.

[27:21]

A zagu is a belly mat that's laid out for them to bow on, because the Buddha's robe, the okesa, the outer robe, is not supposed to touch the ground. In India, which was a very dusty place back in the Buddha's time, and maybe there's still a little dust blowing around there, they used to carry these mats of some sort and they would put these mats down and they would sit on the mat so their robes wouldn't get dirty. That's my understanding of the tradition. So here there's not much dust or dirt here in Arizendo. In fact, it's probably the cleanest place on the planet. But nevertheless, we have this tradition and form of putting out a zaku and then laying out a our robe on it as we bow. And not too dissimilarly, we have coasters that we occasionally will put out to put our teacup on.

[28:26]

Not that we necessarily need to have a coaster underneath our teacup at a table, but it enables us to slow down and to place a cup there on the coaster. just like the Zagu helps us kind of formulate our mind and focus it in a particular place. And that can be helpful. So that's all I wanted to share that I had prepared. Are there any questions or comments that people would like to put on the table. Thank you for your talk. Would you please run through formlessness again? Just briefly. Let me see what I wrote down here. There's a maple tree outside my front door planted by Susan Green, who passed away some years ago.

[29:52]

And I wonder, where's the form of Susan Green? And every so often there's a wind that blows and the branches move. So for me, that's an expression of the formless Susan Green. turning into form so I can see her. I hope that helps. Sue? Thank you, Russ. A couple of things. I remember in another talk you gave, you spoke something about the coffee being a twin. in their plant. And if you see a bean on the floor or on the table, you don't throw it on the floor. You use it. You use that bean. And I, I mean, it's a respect of the bean, I think.

[31:00]

And I do that now. You know, I appreciate that. It's some impact. And in practicing the form here, I have a, as you spoke, I have a tremendous visual hindrance. And I was wondering if you could help me with that. I fall into that, not as practice, but as an ego thing. I'm trying to do it right. I'm trying to get it right. I haven't really looked at that. noticed that in people, and what do you suggest? It's not a happy-making experience. No, it's not a happy-making experience for myself if an accessory comes up around other people or myself around forms. I think in the last year or so I've gotten better at letting go of the performance.

[32:25]

It's hard for me because I've been asked by one of a few people to encourage people with form reminders. And I can see that we all have some anxiety around doing it right. And it gets in the way of actually just doing it and feeling a joy and flow of practice with that. The other night we were talking about when do you bow? to pick up the gamassio after you've received it from the server to start decorating your food with salt and sesame seeds. And it was generally thought that you bow and then you pick up the gamassio and then you pass it to your partner. And I happened to be in the zendo once when Sojo Roshi said, when you bow to get the gamassio initially,

[33:37]

That's enough of a vow. You don't have to vow again to pick it up off the tan to take care of it 10 minutes later when it's that part of the meal service. And I went back and forth on was I going to say something in class around that to put a corrective in or to say, well, so-so she said at this particular time. And I realized it doesn't matter. It's just going to, that's the beauty of it. It really doesn't matter when you do it. sometimes the more traditionally accepted to be okay. But as far as like, where is my suffering coming in? When do I pick this up? How do I bow? When do I put the book out? Do I push the cushion back? When do I take my watch off? All that, you know, it really doesn't matter. And I think it goes back more to Where have I heard a correction that wasn't helpful for me, that's prompted anxiety?

[34:46]

You know, for years, my own expression in the world was fairly quiet and fairly humble and fairly accepting and didn't speak up. And about some years ago, within the last five years or whatever, I realized there's something that's really upsetting to me. And I needed to speak up and say something. And it was really, really challenging because it was going against my own conditioning. And I was suffering. I was suffering, holding it in. And I suffered somewhat coming out and saying the various things that I said, either at work or here, which are my two primary places that I have conflict. It changed my relationship with people because they were used to me being a particular way.

[35:47]

And it's taken a while to just accept me for myself. And I feel that I suffer less as a result of it. I'm not completely free from it. But I see my conditioning. And everybody has this conditioning. It's like the form of the dog in front of us. There's this formless world that comprises that dog, or that comprises this person in front of us, that formed that person. And when I can take a moment and see, oh, there's more to this relationship than just what I see, it's humbling. And it kind of lightens things up for me. I hope that addresses some of your question. Yes?

[36:54]

I find it useful to remember that society around us is pushing us to rush all the time. I have a friend who went to Morocco and she said, I'm coming back but I've learned from being in Morocco that you don't have to rush through everything and get things done and more things done and more things done. And it's very hard to resist that pressure. Especially when it comes from bosses. Do more work. Do 12 hours and produce more and produce more. So it's really a social thing. And parents push their children. I was pushed all the time. My mother was very impatient. Anxiety. I don't have to get things done fast anymore, but this is an exciting building. You're absolutely right. Part of it is not in our control. The society and all of the other factors are just making us go faster and faster. However, there's a reason why we came through the gate here to see that it doesn't have to be this way.

[38:02]

And what can I do to kind of push back? And some things we can affect a bigger change than the other things. Or some things are much more slow than others. And it can be really frustrating. You know, Pete's, for instance, used to be very small. It was just 10 stores. And when things were upsetting to me there, I could speak to my boss, and it was only like one or two rungs of power up to the person or people who were running the place. And change actually happened much more quickly. It was much more satisfying for me. to either get a rebuff or an effective change, but it happened more quickly. Now it's a much different situation there. It's very frustrating being there. There was a great article in the Express a few weeks that nailed it. I encourage everybody to read that article. It talked about what you were just saying and how people are working faster and faster. of the rest of the world, but to be aware of it is pretty good, because then we can actually meet the person who's helping us for just a second or two, and you can see the light and feel a change as a result of that.

[39:22]

We can't do anything about their bosses, but our relationships can turn on that in a very different way. Linda? First of all, when you said, I don't know if it helps anybody prove it, LOP stories or something, I just want you to know that my answer is yes, it does. Thank you. Then my question, you also said about the bowing of the gomashio, that you realized it doesn't matter when you do it, But it also does matter when you do it. We get detailed lists of instructions of when and how to do everything. And you are talking, as I said to Laura the other week, in a very enlightened way about the forms. But there's this really terrific biologist at Stanford who has written about ritual, religious ritual.

[40:30]

almost equivalent to OCD, you know? It's quite an amusing and thought-provoking piece of an article he wrote. And humorous. And I just wondered what you think of that side of it. Thanks for bringing that side up. I think we have to go in the bamboo tube of those lists and those forms in order to see what they're made of. And then we have a little freedom when we come out the other side. I think that people like myself whose proclivities are toward this OCD behavior can fit very well in a Japanese-style temple here in America where things are all very clear and prescribed. So for myself, I've found that loosening up a little bit feels mentally more healthy for me.

[41:43]

And as Sgt. Rocha would say sometimes, with a student, if they go a little to the right, you've got to bring them over to the left. If they go to the left, you bring them over to the right. So the idea is that each person is a little different. Does someone have a cell phone near there? It might be a cell phone that's on the door here. So I'd be curious to read that article, because I think a lot of people who do come to a place like this, in this style, there probably is some of that. And I know that, for instance, that if I could use Sue as an example, being here for many, many years, that attention to detail is actually flowered in your expression as a sewing teacher and a server and all of that. So you have to have that attention to detail to take care of things, to bring this practice forward.

[42:48]

But if it becomes suffocating or limiting or causes more suffering, then, well, we need to put a corrective in. And we take some of the forms away. if he had her hand up. Thank you all for your talk, and like Linda just said, I also felt that your talk and your expression of everything that you've been saying makes a big difference to me and all of us, so thank you. You mentioned about sentient beings and our purposes of going south, but disabled sentient beings, and it's something that I've been grappling with a lot, especially since And what does that form look like? And what is the construct of that form of saving beings for you?

[43:52]

And I've been just sitting with this question day in and day out, moment to moment. And what does that form for you look like? If you can see it. Well, I do see it as a form. I have two customers, and they both have these physical expressions that appear to be out of control, like a spastic sort of thing. And one, I've always known her that way. And it's really easy to get distracted by all that activity. and the mental expression that is also tied into that. And I can feel my own suffering and sadness around that.

[44:57]

And there's nothing that I can do to help her other than being present and dealing with the coffee order that she wants. That is very convoluted and very complicated. And it's really easy to lose patience with someone like that. But because her suffering is so obvious to me, it was easier for me to just not worry and just be present. And I felt less suffering for myself. I don't know what she felt, but for myself, I felt a lot less suffering. Now with another customer, a third customer, who gives all the appearances of togetherness, you know, nicely dressed, seems to have a few bucks in his pocket and all that. He's pushing the envelope with me, asking for little things here and there in our exchange that really feel off to me. And I can feel my, I don't know what's going on with him, but for me I can feel, I want you out of my face.

[46:00]

And it's really challenging for me. And I do the minimum with him. With this other person who has this physical expression, he used to not be that way. He would just come in and order his iced tea. And he's, hello, and I never knew his name. And he's been coming in the last couple of weeks. He's got some abnormality. And you can't help but notice it. And in Berkeley, it's actually very accepting. We just allow people to be who they are. But to me, again, I just feel a lot of sadness. And I don't wait on him because I'm working at the other end of the counter. But actually, I had the opportunity to just to make eye contact, just to say hello with him. And that was a conscious effort that I made. I wouldn't do it with the well-heeled guy with the money in the pocket. I don't have that kind of, I don't feel for that. I would like to have that feeling for him. I don't. But for the fellow that's suffering, I do.

[47:03]

And I did. And I can't help but think that he feels nice, feels better as being acknowledged. for something that is obviously not normal in our society, but I don't know. I don't particularly feel better that I made the connection, but it was, you know, at any given moment we have an opportunity to either look forward or look away. And more often than not, you know, we look away. I know I do. So I see that striker. That's raising your 17-year-old there is filled with a lot of challenges. And I don't know how it is for him, but my observation of what you and Karen are doing there is pretty damn great.

[48:15]

pretty damn great. I was always too selfish to have children. And I took care of that a long time ago, so I would not have kids. And I admire people and their patience, raising children, even the good ones. You know, when I was at that restaurant last night, I was enjoying my pizza without cheating on myself. We'll get a table there and all these kids were running around. It was like, Oh my god, I could never ever do that. I was laughing, it was entertainment, but also like, oh. And then I remember my parents taking us to the pizza place back in Virginia. And, you know, so people do. But, you know, my proclivities. So I bow to you and Karen for helping Daniel through a difficult time for him and his parents. Thank you for your questions and attention and your patience.

[49:19]

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