Does anyone want to say something? Yes. What you said about this pain in the sashin, to break your memory up, I had this experience that was very impressive to me during the sashin when I was full of pain, the whole body, and I really thought I couldn't stand it anymore. And then something happened, I just... I saw this pain very deeply and especially I saw how much I fight against it and how this increases the pain, how this is exhausting and useless. And then it was not that I... bite my teeth together and sit through it. It was just like complete surrender, something like this. And then it was like a switch and the pain was gone. And this was... Quite a miracle.

[01:02]

I mean, I think anyone who does a Sashin and survives knows this. Deutsche Bitte. I remember an event, maybe you know it, in Sechines, which was very impressive for me, where I had a moment when I was really just in pain and I thought, I won't hold it out for another second. And then something happened that I just suddenly saw all this pain and also how I fight against it, above all, and how the pain and how exhausting it was and how pointless it was. And it wasn't something like biting your teeth and sitting through it, but something like a total giving up. And then it was like a switch turned around and it was all pain. And Roshi says it's like a miracle. And everyone who has survived a Sechim has experienced that.

[02:06]

And we could say that all practice, the basic attitude in practice, most basic attitude in practice, is acceptance. And your initial state of mind, or initiating state of mind, is acceptance. ought to be acceptance. This makes sense. I mean, whatever situation is, you've got to accept it first before you can figure out what to do with it. But acceptance as a dynamic in itself is a form of wisdom. And when that acceptance is very deep, it's surrender.

[03:18]

But as a cultural or religious view, acceptance and surrender can be dangerous as well as powerful. So it interests me when our practice brings us to express it in language which is similar to traditional religions like you surrender. In this case you're surrendering within

[04:20]

You're in the midst of the experience and you know what you're surrendering to. You're not surrendering to a god or a believer. Would you be comfortable at some point telling me, telling the story about going into the gate after school, now or some other time? Anytime you want. Well, now is good. Well, I was pretty sure seven years old and I was on my way home from school and alone on that day. And then I had to go through a double door. One was always open and the second was closed and above it was a semicircular window. And on that day, the light really went through the upper window, and in this gate, this dust or particles in the air, they were then illuminated by this light, and it made such real rays down to the ground.

[05:59]

And that totally touched me. I knew at that moment, I saw God. And it was... not what I saw, but my feeling about what I saw, what I felt there. And it also looked like a Bible, how it was painted and so on. And that's why I can still reproduce today this feeling, how one feels about it. But that held on for days, so that the normal things of life, they were much less relevant than usual, yes. You felt good for a while. Yeah, I did. Do you need it in English or not? No, no, I can remember what you said. Okay. Paul may need it in English. I can get it later. Oh, yeah, Paul might need it in English. Yeah. Okay, well, let's leave it for now.

[07:01]

So her experience, she remembered her experience because I told her about this little spot of light and the star coming off the bowl. Now I think these are very common and ordinary experiences. But they can be extraordinary experiences, extraordinary experiences. When they catch you in a certain mood, state of mind, when you catch, when you catch catch yourself really noticing or in the midst of a state of mind that's in contrast to the state of mind you're in. Okay.

[08:06]

Now, she partly had this experience because in church drawings, they often show all these streams of light coming, you know, and so you see them, you think, whoa, this is it finally. So there's a general understanding that's articulated in schmaltzy ways and other ways and profound ways. There's a general recognition of states of mind which feel religious or feel deeper or something. And my feeling in the taxonomy of states of mind, that means the categories of states of mind, the seeing of this little light from the

[09:29]

glass dish, is in fact related to Marie-Louise's experience. And often, if you're... Let's see, it's real hard to find words to say something. So let's say that you're out of the usual state of consciousness. So one of the states of mind, one of the characteristics of consciousness as I defined it, is that things are seen in succession. It's a one after another state of mind.

[10:52]

What things are saying chronologically and past and present are two ends of the spectrum. Okay, now when you have a state of mind, in which there's a timelessness, There's no lifespan. Everything feels right or in its place. Now, that state of mind feels like, hey, this is the truth. It's like an intuition. When you have an intuition, one of the characteristics of an intuition is you believe it.

[12:01]

Das ist wie eine Intuition, denn eine der Eigenschaften von einer Intuition ist, dass man ihr glaubt. You say, oh, I admit to you, yeah, that's right. Also, ja, ich hatte eine Intuition, ja, das stimmt. Okay, there's a power in this and danger in this. Darin enthalten ist eine Kraft und eine Gefahr. Let me say, who are the two most famous enlightened people in the world today? Let's say, why not say the Dalai Lama? Who's the other? George Bush. He has had an enlightenment experience. A born-again experience, a Christian conversion, Protestant conversion experience, is, if you analyze it phenomenologically, extremely similar to Buddhist and Latin experiences.

[13:08]

So such a protestant, I don't know how we call it, care experience. Reborn. Yes, but we say it's not a Christian rebirth. Yes, because Nicodemus said that in the Gospel of John. So good. It's not a rebirth, that's really so common. So good, then it also means a Christian rebirth experience. Maybe we should call it benightedness instead of enlightenment. In a certain context, if you have some kind of enlightenment experience, it makes you believe as true the context. And he is a believer. He is a believer.

[14:09]

So now we have, I think, a very interesting and profound question. Is enlightenment experiences free you from your worldview? The question is, do they free you from it? No, they do free you from it. Or they represent a shift in view. It's not a question, it's a statement. So it's a shift in view from your personal view or your cultural view to another view. And that shift in view

[15:11]

can be an experience of profound awakening or truth. This can be felt as a profound experience of truth. So what you feel is, my previous context wasn't true, my new context is true. So the nature of the enlightenment experience is the freedom from a context. So that fools you into thinking the new context isn't a context. This new view now is the truth.

[16:32]

So then the question is, is there a... The profound and interesting question is... Is there a... natural enlightenment free of any context at all? This is a question explored in Buddhism. And that natural enlightenment experience outside the context of wisdom is not considered to be as deep or as far-reaching as an enlightenment experience within the context of wisdom. But then wisdom is not something you learn, it's something that is.

[17:34]

No, it's something you learn. And it's learned through conscious discriminating thinking, partly. Okay. Now, if we're going to have supper today, the supper won't be in the light in a minute, but it might be close. I should, you know, finish up here somehow. But first, does anyone want to comment on monastic experience as how has it affected your overall experience? And of course, all is not lost.

[18:51]

We're going to continue tonight and tomorrow. But we have a different topic. Okay, so does anybody have anything to say about monastic experience? Yes? The decision to practice with these two women and every morning take a wisdom phrase has changed my world view. In this world view I found very little confirmed in the outside world. And here my life in Johanneshof and in the teaching of Roshi, I find this confirmed.

[20:20]

So you decided to practice with your two friends and each morning or something and take a wisdom phrase and work with it together or separately? Did you share the wisdom phrase you're working? No, no. Each head is up. Each head is up. Okay. Then you did this for how long? Three years. Okay. And you started this because you'd come to a seminar or you had some content? We all together come to a seminar and then after our way back, we decide now we will sit together every morning. Okay. I hope you all are so smart and make similar decisions. So then, after three years, this practice changed your worldview.

[21:40]

Okay, but the new worldview might have shriveled up or not gotten much support if you hadn't come to Yanisov or come to more teachings. So your two friends sent you here to confirm the world view. And they come occasionally to check up on you to see if you're doing a good job. So now your worldview is opening up and developing more. This is too good to be true. No, I appreciate it. Anyone else have something to say about it? I started my practice with the Vipassana retreat.

[22:51]

I didn't sit before, and I went there, I didn't even know what it is, and what expects me, and this was remarkable. It was like coming home, that feeling, and this changed everything completely. And it was very clear to me that I continue this, and since this time I sit every day, it's out of question. Yeah. Yeah, I saw, I started, I sat a few times with, oh, George Bickford, sir. I actually started the practice with a Vipassana retreat. I went there and didn't know what it was exactly. And what awaits me there. And that was totally impressive. It was kind of the feeling of coming home, as if I had already done that. And that changed me completely. It was completely clear to me that I was going to continue that way. And that I sit every day and have done that on the side. That was actually beyond any question. I don't know. Okay, thanks.

[23:58]

I understand. I had a somewhat similar experience. I'd sat a few times with Suzuki Roshi. And I saw on the bulletin board there was going to be a Sashin. And I didn't have any idea what a Sashin was. And I saw that a guy named Paul... Paul something, I can't remember his name now, was doing the Sashim. Participating or leaving? No, no, he was... Signed up. He'd signed up for it. Paul Alexander. Paul Alexander. And I knew a guy, a poet named Paul Alexander. And I thought, if Paul can do it... Whatever it is, I can do it. Of course it was a different Paul Alexander.

[24:58]

So I got in the middle of this and I had a revelation. It was mainly, oh, my God, what have I gotten myself into? Yeah, it was. But luckily, I'd already had a feeling with Tsukiyoshi that he was exactly what he was teaching, and that was enough at that point. Okay, does someone else want to say something? You have no experience with monastic practice. I do. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. Well, my experience is more that... I had a sensation growing up of reality and it wasn't fitting with what I was being taught and what I was being told.

[26:09]

And well, I've been crazy and I thought I was crazy. And I think practicing with you is actually to give support to that initial sense of reality. It's like Practicing with you validates that initial perception. Rather than discovering something new, it's like re-entering that which always has been there. For me, I grew up with a reality and that's why I thought, I'm crazy. And practicing with you is like when that is respected again or recognized as what I used to think. It's not like I'm discovering something new here and developing it, but that the original is appreciated or that I can pick it up again.

[27:18]

Okay, perhaps during the seminar we can explore these things a little more. Because what happens when you add teaching or teacher? and Sesshin and monastic practice, or any one of those, it's something we should understand and explore together. Because understanding this well is going to let us develop an informed, non-institutional lay practice. Or it's going to make us realize, if you want your practice to develop, you've got to have a certain percentage of institutional practice. Oder es lässt uns erkennen, dass wenn wir unsere Praxis entwickeln wollen, brauchen wir einen gewissen Prozentsatz von monastischer Praxis oder Leben.

[28:39]

Oder man muss es so gut verstehen, dass man sozusagen einen Ersatz finden kann für diese institutionale Praxis. Okay. Now, Let me come back sort of to what you said a while ago. As a way of finishing here. Okay. So you have the, let's call it anger, mind of anger. You create the space of observing mind. which you don't try to stop the anger, you just notice what the anger is. But you create a parallel space where you're just saying, oh, look how angry I am.

[29:46]

Okay, so basically you've created a new territory of the mind. Well, not exactly a new territory, but you've learned how to enter a territory that's there and develop it. And what happens when you have two? Then you have a baby. Well, at least as soon as you have two, you can have three or more. Okay. Now, as much as I can do this afternoon, is to talk again about what the ingredients of mind are.

[30:59]

Yeah, so, and again, I'm not speaking about although we can relate what I'm speaking about to the traditional ingredients listed in the Abhidharma. That can be very helpful in showing us a way of thinking. die kann sehr hilfreich sein und uns einen Weg des Denkens anzeigen. But if we're going to practice, we have to have categories we experience and have access to. Aber wenn wir praktizieren, brauchen wir Kategorien, zu denen wir Zugang haben. Yeah, and we have a particular culture we have, and so our culture lets us notice some things more than others, and we've got to work with what we notice.

[32:00]

Und wir haben eine spezifische Kultur, die uns... Dinge erkennen das, die anders sind als andere Kulturen. Und wir müssen mit dem praktizieren, was wir in der Lage sind zu bemerken. Okay, so now we start with one ingredient, anger. Also beginnen wir mit einem Bestandteil oder Teil der Wut. Okay, most of us would like to not be angry sometimes. Meisten von uns möchten doch... Yeah, it's sometimes a useful state of mind, but usually it's a destructive state. So you'd like to stop the anger. But that even makes you more angry. I have a right to be angry. Because remember, a state of mind is homeostatic and self-organized.

[33:08]

You're angry too, so I can be angry. So it doesn't work much to just work with anger. What's its source? When I was a child, someone said... My mother told me I was weak. Okay. You can try anything that works. So Buddhism says, really, one of the basics is acceptance. Another basic is bringing attention to attention. So in this case, you bring attention to the anger and you accept the anger. Okay, so you accept the anger and yet at the same time, by bringing attention to it, you create a new mental or develop an additional mental space.

[34:35]

Okay. And while you accept it, you look at it, and then this creates this. I'm trying to be simple here. Because these things are simple, but they build complexity quickly. Okay, so now you have two things. If you have two things, you have a relationship between two things. So, because everything's changing, everything's an activity. So there's a directionality. One of the fundamental things about us is seems to be we prefer peace and stillness.

[35:39]

Now, if you take, this is a little aside, Freud's view that somehow there's a, by nature we're also aggressive. Buddhism would say that's not true. If there is such a thing as by nature, it's we love peace or stillness. We also like excitement. But as someone said, each of us is only ten meals from murder. Like somebody gave an example.

[37:06]

You're sitting at the airport and everyone's friendly. All the flights have been cancelled. And you're sharing the experience of, you know, oh, it's terrible, I'm going to miss my plane and blah, blah, blah. And after about 11 hours of that, There's an announcement. At gate three, there's four seats left. The whole group is fighting to get to the... And it's only a flight to Des Moines. I was. Okay. But still, under most circumstances, most of us, you know, aren't ten meals, etc.

[38:07]

We're functioning. And as a wave, as I often say, you look at a wave, the shape of the wave is determined by its returning to stillness. And the mind wants to return to stillness. It likes stillness. It feels good. That's what non-dreaming deep sleep is. It's the deepest stillness we know unless we start zazen practice. So actually, the anger starts heading towards stillness. The direction is from the angry state of mind to the still state of mind. Consciousness may prefer the anger.

[39:19]

Because consciousness is the medium of self. We're usually angry because of an offense to our self. But the mind prefers stillness. And we'd like to get rid of the anger. We can see that it's not so good. And right there in what I said is the dynamic. We can see that the anger isn't so good for us. So we use that seeing to be observing to create an observing mind of the anger. That's the basic dynamic of mindfulness practice.

[40:37]

All right. Okay. Now, what is this observing mind? Okay. We can name it various things. I would call it, though here I'd call it the field of mind. Another basic distinction in Buddhist mindological practice, mindology, is the distinction between the contents of mind

[41:40]

and the field of mind. And you cannot know much about the field of mind without zazen practice. Okay. So what... Okay. So what are some of the ingredients we've got here? And we can see if we can sort. Perhaps we'll have time to sort some of them out during the seminar. And we also have to ask ourselves, is there any reason to see the ingredients of mind or sort them out? Is it just an intellectual interest or is it helpful to our practice? Okay, so I'll just list some ingredients now.

[42:59]

So what we've got? Consciousness. Awareness. We haven't defined that, but we have in the past. The field of mind. The directionality of the dynamic of minds. Non-graspable feeling or bundled thinking. Feeling which is actually bundled up thinking. Waking mind, which isn't simply consciousness. Distinction between intention, minds which arise through intentions, and minds which arise through discursive thinking. And then you have dreaming mind.

[44:04]

Non-dreaming deep sleep mind. Yeah, like that. So these are things we can notice. And is it useful to sort them out? And we can notice more things. But this activity of mind and body is what we live in, we might as well know something about it. Rather than being thinking of consciousness as the main and sufficient tool for most mental activity. rather than thinking of consciousness as the main and sufficient tool for mental activity.

[45:06]

Let's say you're just aware I'm trying to make a dumb example. If you're just aware and not conscious, and someone throws a ball at you, they'll probably hit you and you won't catch it. You'll see it coming and you'll say, oh, look at that. And that means you see it coming and... As soon as you catch it, you're in consciousness. Because the consciousness job calculates the arc and everything and protects you from tigers and balls. Can I say something?

[46:08]

Not until you translate what I just said. Say something. Didn't you usually say it's the awareness that catches you from breaking the glasses and all the things? That's true, too. Oh, she's caught me. Hmm? Yeah, it's getting late, you know. I'll come back to it. I'm not defeated yet. Yeah. Okay, so we will start with this example at some point in the next week.

[47:10]

I mean the next two days. Because it's already 5.30 almost. Okay, thanks. And I appreciate your point. That's what I like.

[47:20]

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