Okay, something else? Yeah. What has occupied me, especially yesterday, is that you said that there would be a connection between the heart and the mind, and that the heart creates a connection to the heart. And if I don't feel a connection to someone, in my head there is always a monologue, der sich sehr oft damit beschäftigt, wie ich mit anderen kommuniziere, was ich anderen sagen will, von mir erzählen will. Und dass dann, wenn ich meditiere, ich diesen Monolog irgendwie loslassen kann.

[01:07]

Aber wenn ich so einfach nicht meditiere, wenn ich einfach mal spazieren gehe oder irgendwas, ich mich dusche oder so, dieser Monolog sehr stark mich beherrscht und sehr stark in meinem Kopf wird. Did I understand you correctly that you have this inner monologue when you don't connect heart to heart? Exactly. Well, I'm pondering over what you said yesterday about the connection between mind and heart and also the heart-to-heart connection with other people. And when I don't have a heart-to-heart connection to other people, a kind of monologue starts in my head that sort of takes over. And whether I go on a walk or I'm in the shower and so forth, and I feel rather dominated by this monologue, so I don't know what to do. I'm glad you see that you're often dominated by the monologue. If you don't see that, there's no chance. But if you see that, you know, you've seen two things. One, you've seen that, right?

[02:07]

Second is you see that you are creating your own reality. Because sometimes you have the heart-to-heart connection, sometimes you have the monologue, and so forth. And it's interesting that you see that it's located in different parts of your body. That's also an important perception. Okay, now the question is, Do you believe there's something you can do about it? Well, I've noticed in meditation I can sort of let go of this monologue and it kind of just flows away.

[03:32]

But also it's quite demanding at times. And it requires a lot of effort and energy. To get rid of it and to do it. Both. to keep the monologue going is very demanding and takes a lot of energy but letting go too yeah that's exactly you need chocolate lots of chocolate um I don't have any here, I'm sorry. Anyway, you know a lot.

[04:38]

You know everything you need to know. Now the question is again, do you believe you can do something about it? And second, are you willing to do something about it? And if you've answered those both with yes, I expect to bow to you as a Buddha soon. Because now it's so nice to have a man around the house. But I can't open it. We only have one glass. We have to pretend we have two. Thanks.

[05:42]

Do you have a cold? Okay. I know. I'd like to speak, I will try, what the questions that have come up so far have been so fundamental. I'd like to... a little later this morning, try to cope with, relate to them a bit more in the way in which the Heart Sutra brings up. There's certain things that I feel I should, you know, I mean, almost to develop a conversation here, there's certain things I feel I have to teach every time.

[07:04]

I mean, one is that I always mention, as I pointed out, space connects, blah, blah, blah. But I also feel that I should probably, in relation to what you just said, give you some tools by explaining these three minds of daily consciousness. Would you like borrowed secondary and immediate, but I've taught it so often and maybe not that I'm tired of teaching it, but I feel it's tiring for people who've heard it too many times. But, for instance, you might make use of somebody like Peter or Ruth or Christina, and just ask them to explain it to you.

[08:18]

I'm interested about the interrelationship between Zen and sexuality. Which part interests you? I mean, does it... Yeah? What? Oh. I mean, are you asking, does it make you more interested in sex, less interested in sex?

[09:19]

Does it enhance sexual performance? What is it that you, what aspects are you interested in? Yeah, the physical sexuality, how it's, I guess, influenced to Zen practice. How does sexuality influence Zen practice or does Zen influence sexuality? Either, huh? Well, I have no experience. Hmm. Hmm. Well, in terms of since Buddhism is a mindfulness practice and a bodyfulness practice it definitely makes you more mindful and bodyful in whatever you do.

[10:33]

It also makes you more able to either be very sexual or to have no sex at all. It generally gives you both more freedom and more control. Now, it gives you more control, not in the sense of repression, but it gives you the ability to see when an object of perception has a sexual dimension. And before it becomes sexual or influences you sexually, you just put it on a shelf or put it to the side or something.

[11:38]

And it It also, and one thing that helps to do that is to, how can I say, we define our, at each moment a particular person is present in our consciousness. And that particular person, the way I'm meaning this, has a certain story.

[12:41]

And this person is defined as one, let's take it, there are many definitions, but one definition of this person is he or she should have a partner. Another definition is that he or she, me or whoever you are, doesn't have to have a partner. And you have a choice about which of those persons you want present in your consciousness. You have a choice about many varieties of possible descriptions of yourself that can be in the present but let's keep it simple let's have two possibilities you can have a sense in each moment that the person that arrives in this moment is a person that needs a partner

[13:55]

Excuse me, are you talking about some person out there or about yourself? When you're 20 years old, it's almost impossible to not... to not define yourself as one who needs a partner. But as you get older and you have more choice about what kind of person you are, you can make a decision. Well, if you're a person who allows yourself to be defined as one who needs a partner, then it will be very difficult for objects of perception, particularly attractive people of your sexual interest, not to look sexual to you.

[15:17]

Or stories, colors, etc. Do you want to add something? Okay. Mit dem Wahrnehmen des Baumes und der Ausführung, wenn der Fesselballon drüber wegfällt.

[16:37]

Wenn ich jetzt die Wahrnehmung habe, dass der Fesselballon wirklich drüber wegfällt, bevor es geschehen ist, dann kann ich meine Position finden. Ich weiß nicht, wie ich agieren soll. Das ist der nächste Schritt. Das ist gut. Is that spectacular, or is that consciousness? The perception that this is actually happening. Ah, there's something more. If I didn't understand you correctly in my translation, then please interrupt me if it stops for you. It's like a visual imagination. And if it really happens? Yes, the fencing ballon. Or whatever. I see the follower and then it happens. What is your question?

[17:42]

My question is, is it the human consciousness or is it the space of anticipation? Well, I'd like to add something to this tree, the story of the tree again. And if I anticipate, my anticipation is not that the tree exists the next day, but my anticipation is that really the balloon drops into the tree. And then if it really happens, I mean, is that borrowed consciousness or is that... Clairvoyance? Clairvoyance. We'll have to watch and see if the balloon falls. Then we can decide. It's very difficult to deal with. I understand. I understand.

[18:58]

Well, it's good to be able to, as you seem to, to see these constituents again. But we're all a soup of chemicals. And each of our soup boils a different way. So although we put the same ingredients into the boiling pot, some of our pots are calmer than others. And as a friend of mine says, there's 80 peptides that produce emotions. And the combinations are that you have all these peptide cocktails you're drinking. But whether you're the bartender or you're just struggling to keep things from boiling over on the stove, each of us is a little different.

[20:00]

Ruth? I don't understand the relation between bored and emptiness. I can make the sound that we did yesterday from seeing the triple S3 to be sent home as emptiness, empty as form, as a sort of closest. But then I don't know how to integrate it out of something which is there, some lines lower. If emptiness is not found. So there's the is the same as .. Yeah. Deutsch. In the air.

[21:19]

Well, this is... The first is a general kind of philosophical state. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form. I mean, in a very simple sense, you can't separate space from the atom or... form from the atom. But because all dharmas are marked with emptiness and this is a kind of Aristotelian, anti-Aristotelian idea, And Aristotle talks about everything has marks or, get the word used, qualities that characterize it.

[22:50]

But here all those qualities are changing and so forth, and so they're empty. So the only thing these dharmas have, only mark they have, only a dharma is a moment of perception. The only consistent and unchanging mark they have is emptiness. And from that point of view, we don't even talk about them appearing or disappearing. As tainted or pure, increasing and so forth. As tainted or pure, increasing or decreasing. So therefore, in this meditation on emptiness, which Avalokiteshvara is doing, just like her questions dissolved, form dissolves, feelings dissolve, perceptions dissolve.

[24:19]

This is a description of this meditation. Okay? Good enough for now? These things you just have to keep, as I said, you have to keep wearing it. I'll come back and mention a secret for you, for your practice. And for everyone's practice. By the way, this morning, those of you who are sitting, I... I felt really good about the way you were sitting and the feeling in each of your bodies and the feeling in the room. It was nice. And I liked the chanting in German. Of course, I have no experience of German in church. So I have no associations of any kind with that. And this morning, since I sat over there, it's actually easier for me to sit on the floor than on this cat mat.

[25:36]

This little sun I'd curl up here. So I sat over there. And I had no sutra card. So I could only do a little drone under the German. Like I used to do when I first was chanting in Japanese. And the German is sort of, as I've said before, it's like a mountain stream. The water running over rocks and stuff. It's a nice sound. I'm enjoying it. It's different than English. Okay. So when you... You said that when you do zazen, sometimes this monologue stops.

[26:45]

When the monologue stops in zazen, if you can remember that feeling, that's very important. Don't worry about how it stopped her. Just remember the feeling of it stopping. And then cultivate that feeling. And when your monologue is particularly monologuish, See if you can bring that feeling to the fore and let that absorb the monologue. This is a kind of craft. Certain equipment is needed to do the craft. Like developing what I call dharanic memory, an ability to remember subtle feelings.

[27:57]

Okay. Maybe that's enough questions for now. Is there anybody else has one? I have another question. Oh, you have one. Yours are always tough. Maybe we should have a break. you said yesterday that we should think about which kind of life we want to lead. But on the other hand, when I compare that with what you most recently taught in Crestone about not picking and choosing, trying to live in this more neutral territory, the question that comes up for me is like, how do I choose the life I'm already leading?

[28:57]

And it feels more Yeah, more solid because I can spend my whole life thinking about what kind of life I would like to lead. And yet I'm leading a life anyway, so why not choose that? It sometimes seems difficult. Very good idea. I like this life you're leading, so if you choose it, it's very nice. Do you want to say it in German? Yes, Roger said yesterday that we should think about what kind of life we would like to lead. And I think we do this in one way or another, almost compulsorily all the time, that we always think about what we would like to do. And we live a life like that. I think That it would be a good time to take a break.

[30:23]

Not because of your question. But if I respond to your question, I'd like to do it when we start again. Any other questions? Do you want to get into the pot when we start again? Yes. Meanwhile, it's a chain of questions, but at least a question towards the ego or towards the instance which is perceiving. When I take the sutra where it's said there's no feelings, no perceptions, and so on. But who is Sariputra? Or who is Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva? Who is perceiving it? Maybe I'm asking, maybe I'm asking, what is ego?

[31:28]

Or I ask, do I really exist? I can see that tree, but who is seeing that? Tree seeing Peter is seeing it. Maybe, yeah. At least that. Okay, that's it. Very basic question and one that I had and one should have looking at this. Yes. I would like to echo that. You said you should turn every now and then in the world, but you do not turn. You don't say I, I am also. I am? Yeah. I do. Okay. Okay. I have a question similar to Ulrike's question and it is about how can you discern the difference between picking the way of life you live or just living the way you live?

[32:31]

Just the law of Of course I live my life, but of course always I have some kind of question, is there maybe some kind of doubt also, if it is really the right. And I think in some way I feel it's okay that I have the doubt, but how do you come to this point? Maybe if you just speak a little bit about this point. Maybe I should go study for a year and come back. At least we can have a 20-minute break. See you at 10 to 12. This prescription that Ruth pointed out, a state of mind, a state of non-being, in which there are no longer any definitions of eye, ear, nose, sound, etc.

[33:55]

Who would you be? How would you, as Peter suggested, how would you identify this non-beingness that is being itself? If you can imagine this state of non-being mind, Now you can imagine that you will return from this non-being mind to a particular being. Now we call this non-being state bodhi or bodhisattva.

[35:08]

Bodhisattva is the name of such a beingness. Now when you return Sometimes called through this dragon gate. The sluice gate of awareness. The sluice gate is in a lock. The lock. you may come back with primarily the quality of compassion. Then you would be the bodhisattva of compassion or avalokiteshvara. And if you pass through the dragon gate into differentiation and you were mostly characterized by wisdom, you would be manjushri, the bodhisattva of wisdom.

[36:32]

And you might come back emphasizing medicine and healing or imperturbability and so forth. Or you may come back the same old person you are. But you'll come back each time, reborn into the same old person you are, with a little difference. So please sit comfortably. Now, you know, I don't, I want to, I guess I feel there's a certain, there is a value in just presenting this teaching.

[37:53]

But mostly I'm motivated to present this teaching in a way that's helpful to you. And in a way in which I get help from you, because it's hard for me to know exactly what to do. And as I pointed out, I need your interactivity for me to develop what to say, because we're doing it together, really. And so your questions are a big help too. And I can feel you also asking yourself internal questions. You do have to have a picture of what kind of soup you are in order to practice these things.

[39:20]

So Ulrike brought up what about accepting your life as it is. Of course there's always two dynamics at least in any situation. The actual situation that you find yourself in. Your ability to be one with that situation or answer that situation. And your satisfaction with your ability to be answer the situation. So even if your effort is just to accept the life you had, You can have a question present in that acceptance of, I want to be a person who can accept the life I have.

[40:41]

And... that will change, that question being present, will change the dynamic or deepen the dynamic of acceptance. I would say a large percentage of people die not having chosen or accepted the life they had. They went through life wanting some other life and never really accepting the life they had. But at the moment of death, they actually had the life they had. Now I wouldn't say that it would have been unequivocally better if they'd accepted the life they had.

[42:07]

But it probably would have been a lot better. Because if you accept the life you have, That acceptance transforms that life. I don't mean makes it better or worse, it makes it grow. Because there's no such thing as a static life. Everything is changing. So even if you try to force a static life on yourself, you kill yourself off at an early age. I really mean that. I think people die at an early age sometimes just because they are trying to force a certain mold on their life.

[43:12]

So there's one dynamic has to be the immediate situation. Look, I'm here, right? Maybe there's something else I could do or should be doing. I don't know. But I know I'm not leaving here till this evening or tomorrow morning. So I have no other interest than being here. I accept the fact completely that I'm here. And at this moment I have no other life. And I have no interest in any other life. And that's not because this is so great.

[44:13]

Which it is. But it's just because it's the fact. So always we have to accept the immediate situation because if we don't, we're stupid. You hurt yourself. At the same time, you can have coming in from another direction, it would be better if it were changed. So when I'm teaching, I completely accept the way I've taught. It's just the way I did it. But when I'm teaching, I really want you to teach me. So whatever group of people I'm with, I'm sort of dealing with You together and individually.

[45:44]

And I see if I don't exactly know how I do it, but I see if I can feel some kind of strata of liquid that connects us, which starts to teach me. I don't exactly know how I do it, but I see if I can feel some kind of strata of liquid that connects us, which starts to teach me. And in each group it's different. And sometimes I can't discover it. But if I discover it and you start teaching me, then it's quite easy for me to teach. So sometimes I completely accept the way I teach. And at the same time I feel, oh, I could have found a way in which I was taught more.

[47:02]

And I don't know how to do that. But a little bit like I said, you remember a certain subtle feeling. I find that subtle feeling of dissatisfaction and I let that subtle feeling almost like an acid work in changing layers inside me. And I invest that with the intention for me to teach in a more nourishing way next time. And then I say to myself, why wait till next time? Why not this moment of walking down the hall?

[48:15]

So I started immediately. And I invest it also with clothing in an image of joy or some bright feeling or color, whatever. And so that also gets carried along. And then the next time I teach, I fail again. Except that I accept what I did. And these things of acceptance and an intention Work together.

[49:19]

So when I ask myself a question like what kind of life would I like to have, I know the kind of life I would like to have. is one in which all of you would already have realized full enlightenment and surpassed me and enlightened others. That would make me very happy. But I know I'm failing. But I know also that if this life which I'd like to have, I don't have now, I also know it can only start from here.

[50:30]

Can't start from anywhere else. And it can only start from here if I'm really here. And if I really accept this here, And I discover in this here the subtleties that lead to the life I want. Now this is a kind of philosophy. A kind of attitude. It is an attitude. And it's also an attitude which is imaged. I mean, I think about this in images. And I don't care that I fail. Because I enjoy the effort. I find it satisfying. And it makes it clear for me when other things, psychological and karmic habits, are coming in and helping, hindering, etc., the situation.

[52:07]

So the clearer my vision of life is, the more I can see the elements which fertilize it and hinder it. And the deeper my intention to be an inclusive intention can be. So that's my answer to your question. Okay. Can I ask a question? Yes. Is it possible to feel two feelings, or even more than that, at the same time, or to think more than one thought at one time?

[53:14]

Of course. Is it possible? If it's not, I'm in trouble. In my experience, it's quite difficult because Thinking more than two thoughts at one time, or feeling more than one or two feelings at one time, which are in a way separated from each other, have an own identity and not being in a way intermingled, feels quite difficult if I'm doing it in a kind of conscious mode. in a mode of consciousness.

[54:14]

What I found very difficult for myself was this kind of self-acceptance completely. And then this vision or that idea that I could improve. So to balance that out I found very difficult because Either on one side or the other side, is there a possibility to cultivate a space where one can do that? I'd like to add a little bit. The emphasis, in my opinion, is to consciously feel these things at the same time, because my experience is that sometimes one feeling bubbles up and I deal with it consciously, and the other feelings sort of linger around in the background, or you call it unconscious or subconscious.

[55:20]

Yeah, it may be just that. Sometimes I find it very difficult, especially with normal mental conditions, to have more than two feelings at the same time. Such feelings that are separated from each other. That there are equivalences in the feelings, that's what Bela told us. I find it more difficult with thoughts, two or three thoughts. to think at the same time, not behind each other, to think at the same time. And that has to do again with what Rutte asked or what Roshi just answered. On the one hand, to be completely agreeable to the idea of how I am at this moment and then something like a vision or a new starting point I think the emphasis that she is on there, this is how to

[56:24]

to cultivate this inner space where this simultaneously is possible. One after the other, it's possible. This kind of simultaneously makes me sometimes feel really crazy because... Yeah. Oh dear! Did you want to add your comment in German? Mir war noch wichtig auf diesen I would like to point out again what Martin said, to experience these feelings consciously. These feelings that contradict each other at the same time, to experience them consciously. Because I think that many feelings are sometimes more under the surface and then one after the other appears, which we then experience consciously and with which we then identify ourselves. And we don't necessarily identify ourselves with many feelings. I know what you said.

[57:49]

More or less the same. How do we identify with these feelings at the same time? I think in my experience it is possible to have these different lines of feelings at the same time, just it is not possible to speak them at the same time. So at that moment where I have to express, then it is not possible to have, this is too far because then I can't have two thoughts in that way. But if you just leave them alone, you only need to express when you tell somebody else. But you can just, at that moment where you don't have to tell, you don't have to put into words, and so you can observe those feelings at the same time.

[58:55]

I think it is possible to have different feelings at the same time, but only in the state before you think about them and express them. But as long as you don't express them, you don't have to think about them. And then you can just let them be and observe. And then it works. But not if I want to express them at the same time. No, I stood up here. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Why should I bother about that? That's what you asked me, why do I bother about that? Sometimes you bother about it, sometimes you don't. No, I don't bother about it. I mean, why should I cultivate something? Why shouldn't they cultivate this?

[59:59]

What's the use about it? Why should they cultivate the capacity or potency to get feelings simultaneously? If they are there, that's okay. They are not. What were you going to say? I don't see the use of analysing in different fields, having about the same time. I don't see any immediate use of having it. It's exactly the same feeling as... It's just a common Austrian people. You left it. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It's like it's a switching perception, really. When I look at the first thing that came to my mind was listening to music.

[61:17]

You can listen to music and hear singing instruments very precisely. And if you perceived from the back side. You hear the hole, but you don't, you hear the instrument, but it's more like a network. It's like interwoven. And also the feeling. It's similar, I think. You can, when you see from the back side of the eye, what do you say sometimes? you see all what's happening in the world, so precise, on the ground. But when you look at one thing, one thing just came up, and not two instruments. Yes, they concentrate on one thing. But you can't see several things consciously, but not as defined. I think this problem is one of the major difficulties in psychotherapy.

[62:36]

It's fine when you have a pleasant life and so on, but it's getting more difficult and you're getting in trouble if you're in pain or in a problem. So they are to both paths. On the one hand, you have to accept because there is no other chance. But there are many clients which take this acceptance as a very form of resistance. I'm in pain. I'm in the problem. How then can change come into it? So you have to address kind of... The practical application of this problem I find in psychotherapy or even in psychological work, because it always goes into two aspects. It is fine if it goes very well, then it may only be one kind of pain, but it is a matter of how long there is a real problem or pain.

[63:41]

What do I do? Accept the pain, Or do I speak of the part of the client who wants to change, who wants to change, who wants to change, who wants to be healed? How can this be made to be experienced at the same time? Now I stood up here and took this pen and stood here beside you, not because I had anything to draw. I just stood up here. And I guess I feel like I'm going to have a baby.

[64:44]

That's why I'm pacing back and forth. And I also wanted to get myself out of the center of the room because I knew it would change the conversation. But maybe I can think of something to draw. If I do, I will. Now, what I like about this conversation is that not that any of it's right or wrong. But that you're looking at consciousness and intention and being as a craft.

[65:44]

And I think that's a big step. That's very different than thinking I have a particular nature, I'm a particular kind of person and so forth. Okay. Of course, we're a particular kind of person, as I said, a particular chemical soup. But to a very large degree, we can work with the ingredients. And those ingredients have mental, spiritual, and physical dimensions. Now, for example, there may be a difference in this, at one level, in this idea of simultaneity of consciousness. With the kind of person you are.

[66:45]

For example, I'm a multiple track person. It seems to be a genetic capacity. And I've got at least 12 tracks, more going on all the time. Rika, my best friend here, she sometimes gets mad at me about this, but I've decided that she's deep-tracked. She gets annoyed at my superficiality, and I'm impressed with how, when she takes something out, how deeply and thoroughly she goes into it. I know she's not translating exactly.

[68:00]

LAUGHTER This is ego and modesty working together to transform the translation. So I always learn a great deal from Ulrike. Okay. Now, what this sense of a craft is about is we're looking at how do we work.

[69:08]

We're not, I mean, at least we should know that much. Okay. Now, The teaching of Buddhism is that how we work is one form of our identity. In your ego and self and unconscious and all these work together to make another identity which isn't identified. And then you have ideas like Taiji and Wuji, which is, you know, all of these differentiations appear and how they appear is a kind of identity. So, the question I asked myself when I began looking at the sutra this time, which I remember when we first started chanting it,

[70:37]

I remember I went to, came down the steps from the Zendo, the old Zendo in the 60s on Bush Street. And one of the reasons I started practicing Buddhism or found myself practicing Buddhism was because I simply couldn't accept the idea of a creator deity. And one of the reasons why I started practicing Buddhism is that I simply could not accept the idea that there is a creator god. So, now and then Sukhya would talk about the Buddha nature that I got a little, I said, you know, if there's too much talk about this Buddha nature, I'm in the wrong place here. Now I may have put a couple of stories together here, but I believe at that time when I was standing outside on the one-way street after meditation with Suzuki Roshi for a few minutes,

[71:50]

I said to him, and somehow we also were talking about the Heart Sutra, He said it takes about a year or two years of chanting the Heart Sutra before the sense of being that's present in the Sutra becomes clear to you. And that's been, that was true. And that's been, that was true. but I'm still working with or feeling out the being that's present in the sutra. And like in a dream, in which all the persons in dreams are versions of you,

[73:11]

Or you as another person. In the sutra, Shariputra and Avalokiteshvara and the Buddha in the background are all you. So we have here... We don't have much time, is what we have here. We have here presented in the sutra a world of differentiation. And a world of non-differentiation.

[74:23]

And the fact that you can know both. And again, this is a recipe or prescription for knowing both. One is called the form, one is called emptiness. Now, but, and originally they talked about, and I spoke about this in the past and most recently in the Sesshin in Haus der Stille in September. Buddhism recognized that there's a form world and a form body. And there's a space body or meditation body. Or form and emptiness. Now what happens when you bring two things together is they make a third, they make another.

[75:47]

So when you begin to practice this meditation, it changes the form body. And in fact creates a third body we call the reward or merit body. Or the Sambhogakaya body. Now, this body is a kind of mind body generated by how you live your life, by meditation practice and so forth. Now, to make this usefully clear to you, if at all possible, might have to be done this afternoon. But in the simplest sense, you are aware that you not only have the physical body you were born with and that's matured, You have the lived body, the body you live, which is the result of your diet and your states of mind and your habits and so forth.

[77:09]

And your lived body can be changed, which is also a kind of a mental body. Your lived mental body can be changed and actually improve your physical body, your physical health. So I'll put that aside for a minute. There's a statement of Yangshan's. Actually a phrase from a statement of Yangshan's. The ocean of awareness turns into an ocean of meaning. And then he says, and then there's causes, intentions, and so forth.

[78:24]

Now, when I talk about an ocean of awareness and an ocean of meaning, I'm not creating additional stages in consciousness. But rather I'm pointing out vestigial stages in consciousness. Vestigial like your appendix is a vestigial organ, something left from a previous use. It's as if you could awaken your appendix if you ate a lot of grass as a process of digestion. So Buddhism would say that there are capacities of consciousness which have fallen into disuse because of our particular culture and so forth.

[79:38]

So one of the things the yogi does is undo the educational and cultural process that's turned certain organs of awareness and consciousness into, it made them unused. So let's just stay with this statement so we can try to keep this clear. An ocean of awareness turns into an ocean of meanings. Now, normally when something comes up, unless you're a particularly creative person, what you see is there's no ocean of meanings, there's no ocean of awareness, there's just, oh, it's an object.

[80:53]

A brass object from a foreign and godless religion. Poor baby. Okay. So let's imagine if we could draw... If we could draw... the Buddha in the background of the sutra.

[81:55]

It has no boundaries. It has a certain geographical location because it's you, you're sitting somewhere and so forth. but with no eye, no eyes, et cetera, in this. No form. Marked by emptiness. Marked by no marks. Let's all attempt to make language say something about this so I could show you gently that direction. It is an attempt of the language to say something so that I can push you gently in this direction. Ulrike sometimes says that I do not have a good education to teach, because a good teacher would write in such a way that everyone could read it.

[83:12]

The next is this goes into an ocean of meaning. This is the ocean of awareness. Very good. Ocean. The ocean of truthfulness is up there. Then you have the object of perception.

[84:30]

Now, mostly, when we are perceiving something, we sort of perceive directly to that. We have no process like this. And often we're involved with a whole lot of, before we even see this, I haven't thought out how to draw this, I'm just going along. So over here we have a whole lot of karmic stuff, which is very defined. There's a certain amount that's being confused. And we actually sort of barely see this thing actually.

[85:57]

So we're coming from our karma to look at something. And when you're coming from your karma Your memories, your habits, your psychological state of mind, your monologue... Oh, flowers! You barely see the flowers. Were there flowers sitting beside the podium? Yes, I think you don't need to translate that. So, what happens is, what you try to do is keep coming to each perception from here rather than from here. So in a way we could say, and again I try to say this, but you're trying to make awareness, you're trying to make karma a secondary process and not a primary process.

[87:03]

Now, there's an idea of merit in Buddhism, a merit body versus a karmic body. A merit body arises when you come from here, and that's your primary philosophy. Now, you also have, you inherit from your parents a certain genetic formation. And you inherit from your Culture, a particular cultural karma. And you then, through your interactions with your abusive father, alcoholic mother, and the knighted school system,

[88:32]

Ja, und durch die Interaktion jetzt mit dem missbraucherischen Vater und der alkoholkranken Mutter und dem umnachteten Schulsystem. Man sieht zwar wie ein normaler Mensch aus, aber innen drin ist also alles ganz schön durcheinander. What you're trying to do is see if you can get around this. In Buddhism, we're not so much working with your karma, your personal karma you've created, your cultural karma, or your genetic gift. And often we have a lot of good karma built in, hidden in, mixed up with our bad karma. And it's very hard to sort it out.

[89:48]

And I think this is partly what Martin is speaking about when he says a person has one feeling coming from this side, another feeling coming from this side, and there's a multivalent ambivalence. So this sutra is saying, learn to sit down. And generally first what happens is as you drop the form of your body, Now, can I go ten minutes? Suzuki Roshi, or Dogen used to say, a famous thing, drop body and mind. In Zazen, you drop body and mind. Now, he had an actual body unit. which you carry not only your body, you carry your body image.

[90:59]

And this body image interferes with your ability to experience meditation. Because your subtle body does not have this shape. It's bigger, sometimes it elongates, and sometimes it does various things. Very limited. It's very elastic. The American Indians speak about the long body. I'm planning to call Martin, and while I'm calling him, he's starting to look up my phone number. The Indians would say, oh, our long bodies work out there.

[92:03]

Yes, and if I, for example, call Martin right now, and he, because he also wants to call me, is currently looking for my telephone number, if that happens, the Indians would say that our two long bodies were in communication with each other. In contact. Communication. Sometimes our short bodies are in contact. Now my standardized example of that you have a body image, which I will give you. I'm sorry. You know you're with me? I'll just tell it.

[93:05]

No, I couldn't hear you. I know, I know, it's because I'm mumbling. I'm not a good teacher. I don't even speak for you. If your arm goes to sleep, and you can't find it, where is my arm? And then you find you can wiggle one finger. Or this may happen to your leg in meditation. The whole lower half of my body is gone. I can never get up. If I can only locate a toe, Kind and seen. But if you locate a toe or you poke yourself, one area of perception will make you see your whole leg.

[94:10]

That's not because your leg is awake. If your leg is awake, you need to have all areas touched. It's because the one point awakens the image. I sometimes don't know which leg this toe belongs to. It distracts you.

[94:30]

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