Hi. Hi. Pills on the bills. I saw Russ leave today. Joe's with her, I take it. Everything is as it should be. How nice. As I was doing the bows and so on and so forth and sitting down, it occurred to me that a couple of things. One was that what could I give tonight and I was thinking what have I withheld from people you know and then I thought well maybe I have been withholding my vulnerability and I thought maybe they don't know that or maybe they do I don't know but um

[01:31]

Anyway, that's what I thought. And the other thing I thought was how nice it was that you come to these talks because that's a gift to me. And I get to study and think and be with you in a way that I can't be with you like on Saturday, this is to me more intimate. It's more close. We know each other. So I'm wondering why you're sitting so far away at so many holes. Come close. Come on. Oh, so good.

[02:45]

It feels warmer now to me. Although I was saying at the tea today that one of the things, here's something to know. One of the things that really gets me is space. I have to have my space. Because I grew up in a family where the boundaries weren't real clear. So it turns out in my life I've been trying to make some boundaries. So when I was tenzo at Tassajara and somebody put something on my desk, it was a real problem. My desk was the only place in the kitchen that was inviolable. Anyway, so I want you to think tonight, right now, and even as I talk. As a matter of fact, as I talk, it's okay with me if you continue thinking, because what I want to do tonight, at the end of tonight's talk, which is not going to be too long, what I'd like you to do is to think of something that you have received

[03:55]

that you are thankful for. Maybe two things. I'm not going to ask for much, just one or two things. Also, it might go too long if you think of too many things, but if you have a lot of things to think of, that's nice for you. But I'm going to ask us to just share at the end very quietly, with no comment, no nothing. Just go from person to person to person and just say something that you've received, that you feel you've received. Some of you are going to have to think hard, so you might not be listening to me much tonight. But that's okay. Maybe that's your gift in a way. You have a real clear picture of the practice because there's pain there. So you can start thinking now.

[04:58]

Meantime, I'll talk to you a little bit. Then at the end, we'll just go through one or two things. Each person will say something. So as you know, tomorrow is the day that we celebrate Thanksgiving, and Judith, who gave her way-seeking mind talk today, mentioned that in Alcoholics Anonymous, the whole month they devote to gratitude. So today, at Zen Center today and tomorrow, we're going to celebrate Thanksgiving. this holiday of Thanksgiving. And it's clear, I think, to anyone who has grown up anyway in this culture, that our culture is... The main, I would say, thrust of our culture was not necessarily one of giving, but getting.

[06:01]

that the things that we're taught and told in our culture is that if we, of course, had this, that, or the other thing, we would be happy. It's the kind of gimme, gimme, gimme culture. Or if I just had, or if only, something like that. And because it is that way, we're destroying the earth. We're destroying our home little by little. It's not funny. And this is based on, as we Buddhists know, it's based on this sense of separation. And out of the sense of separation, out of this delusion, this holding to a sense of separation, we are willing to gather to us what we think will make us happy and push away what... Well, mostly gather to us what we think will make us happy.

[07:14]

And the United States is so good at it, we're so good at consuming, that we're going to consume ourselves to death, to oblivion. This is not funny. So often I would say that we almost rarely do we in our culture talk about giving. Although the Indians in the Northwest, they do potlashes. Do you know the name of those Indians, anybody? Kwakiutl, right, you're right, Kwakiutl Indians. They had this wonderful thing that the people who gathered and gathered and gathered and were really good at gathering and gathered the most would give it away. And their status in the tribe was very connected to how much they gave away, which is a wonderful thing. But anyway, in our culture, we don't so much take pride, we don't gain a lot of points for giving away.

[08:21]

And people give a lot in the United States because they get tax deductions. That's not the only reason, but it's a big reason for people with a lot of money. I apologize to those who are giving from the heart as well. I'm sure that they pick and choose what particular things they want to give to. So it's not all just self-serving. But anyway, wouldn't you say that mostly the culture is about getting rather than giving? Enough of that. So often we don't really kind of know how to give or what that even feels like. We often give, mostly, oftentimes, maybe I'm just talking for myself, we give expecting something in return. Either having somebody think of us as a nice person or getting something back from that person or something, but there's expectation along with the gift.

[09:33]

But at Tassajara, there's this wonderful ceremony called the Nenju. Oh, I forgot to bring the poem. Shucks. Called the Nenju ceremony, where everybody in the community thanks everybody else in the community. It's a really terrific ceremony. But nobody gets told what the ceremony is about. So it took me years to figure it out. And I think this is what it's about, but still no one's ever told me. But what you do is... You know when you go around and you make a jando? A jando is... I don't know if you know, because it happens behind you. But in the morning when the doshi goes around, the doshi... Oh, we don't do it here at all. No. So at Tassajara, a jundo is... Oh, yes, we do. When the cook's jundo, you know, the cook is in this kind of position going around, basically what they're doing is they're gasshoing to everybody and everybody is gasshoing back. So at Tassajara, they do that. First of all, you have to wait outside interminably in the cold, freezing cold in the winter, while the doshi goes around to all the different altars and...

[10:45]

offers incense at all the altars. And then the dosha goes in and does a jundo in front of everybody's seat. And then the shuso goes in, the head student goes in and makes a jundo. And then in the meantime, everybody's waiting outside. It gets really cold, the toes, particularly the toes. So anyway, then it's time for the whole community comes in, three at a time. Come in, three at a time, and then there's a little, the... Kabaka, thank you, is over there. The kabako, and the middle person offers incense, and all three people bow together like that. And then you go and you do this jindo in front of everybody. I mean, whoever's at that time in the zendo, but all of the seats. Then you go to your seat, then the next three people come in, and so on and so on. By the end of the ceremony, everybody has done a jindo in front of everybody else.

[11:49]

So it's a ceremony of appreciation and thank you and connectedness as a sangha, the oneness of the sangha, and the appreciation of each individual person as an individual. It's a wonderful ceremony. And you do it at the end of every monastic week. So every week you do that ceremony of remembrance of thank you very much. Isn't that great? It's really great. So this giving and thanking, giving and thanking, giving and thanking. Also, one time I was at Tassajara, Reb was leading the practice period, and he had this thing where people had to say three things. They had to say to another person, and we had to do this individually with each person, thank you, I'm sorry, and I love you. It was really interesting.

[12:52]

You had to face every single person in the sangha. And to that person, you had to say, thank you for just, you didn't even say for anything, just thank you. And then I'm sorry for whatever I've done to hurt you. And I love you. I guess the I love you part is a little bit of a stretch, but it didn't seem like it. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. You kind of, I don't know. Anyway, it's very interesting. So giving, so thanking, so giving, actually I'm talking about giving. I'm talking about giving. And giving, according to Dogen, according to Suzuki Roshi in his book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, he has a little fascicle called God-giving, God-giving. And he quotes Dogen in that fascicle. And what he says, what Dogen says is that giving is basically non-attachment. So he doesn't emphasize so much the activity of giving as he emphasizes the activity of not holding on, which actually is one of the precepts.

[14:05]

The eighth, I think, precept is called don't be possessive of anything. And one of the main things, of course, that we're possessive of is the self. And we can't really give anything if it comes from a place of self. So we always have to be aware of the motivation of what it is when we are giving a gift. So if we really check it out and we're not giving from a place of wanting something in return, that's a pretty trust-wile gift. And the same thing is true with saying no. Sometimes saying no is a gift. But if it comes from a place of self-concern or self, I don't like concern, but self-thinking of self, self-reflecting, then you have to wonder about it. But it's very difficult to know whether the right thing is to give a yes or to give a no unless you're really clear and you can see the situation really clearly.

[15:06]

But if there's a lot of you mucked up in the situation, that's something to be aware of. Are we giving because we want to get something back or are we giving with completely no expectation, completely unconditioned gift? And when we give in that way, the reason why we feel good about it is because we feel connected, because there's no self there. We're just completely one giver. Doesn't that sound familiar? Giver, receiver, and gift. Completely the emptiness of giver, receiver, and gift because they're one. Because they're one. Because you can't have a giver without a receiver. Right? Isn't that true? You can't have a giver-receiver status. So giving and receiving is completely not separate, which is really interesting because, it just occurs to me, because that's how connected we are with everything, but we don't get it.

[16:08]

So the emptiness of giver-receiver and gift is the emptiness of giver-receiver and arising together without obstruction. And that's why we feel good when we give. So, what I really wanted to talk about tonight is receiving. Because receiving is a really important part of giving. And as a matter of fact, thanksgiving is really about receiving. Because when you say thank you, you've just received something. So thanksgiving is not really about giving, although we gave tonight, but it's really about receiving. And receiving, interestingly enough, for many people is more difficult than giving.

[17:14]

Sometimes it's very difficult to receive. Now Trungpa said... I'm going back to giving again. Trungpa said the reason why it's so difficult sometimes for people to give is because we come from a place of poverty. Because underneath it all we feel like we lack something. And spiritual poverty or financial poverty makes no difference. If we give a penny fully, coming from a place of magnanimity, it's the same as if you give really a lot. It's a question of whether you have inside ourselves a sense of the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. If mostly your life is the glass is half empty, you're coming from a place of poverty. And nobody is poor in that way at all.

[18:24]

When I was in India, that's the one thing that really struck me. India is a very weird place. But one of the things that's... First, the reason why I say weird is because it takes away from you all of your ideas of what you thought was right or wrong or good or bad or anything. It's really incredible in that way. So I was there, and when I landed, I went to India with a Catholic nun because I was in Africa, and I was going home that way. So I met her in Africa, and we both were on the plane together, and so she invited me to come to her place. monastery and stay there for a little bit in India and it never occurred to me when she said that that of course her monastery would be completely in the midst of the worst you know indescribably wretched place in India called

[19:32]

started with an M, and the place was called... It's such an ironic name. I always forget it. I forgot. But anyway, so we got off the plane and we're going deeper and deeper and deeper into an area that's completely way beyond what my idea of poverty is supposed to be about. I mean, this is really amazing. There were like, first of all, no toilets anywhere. So people, when they defecated, they did it just all over the street. And on and on and on. It was like the smell and everything is so overwhelming that you just have to give up. You just completely give up what your idea of anything is. And then you meet the people, because she took me around. And the strangest thing of all for me was that the people didn't feel from their side poor, which completely blew me away.

[20:42]

You know, the feeling that I got from them was of abundance and of, you know, they were not miserable because of the poverty, which was really interesting to me. But anyway, I'm way digressing. Mostly I'm digressing because I can't see my notes. So, surrender. So I want to talk about surrender. Oh yeah, right, right, right. So the question is, how much can we actually receive in our life?

[21:54]

So, for example, it's okay to receive, let's say, a gift on your birthday, although for some people it isn't, because for some people that gift won't be enough. Or it's okay to receive a certain kind of gift from somebody. But if you're really connected with that person and they miss, and you think that they haven't really seen who you are, that gift will be difficult to receive. Or what if you're given something really in your life that you don't expect? For example, illness. Can we receive that? So where is it in your particular life that you draw the line? You know, I can receive money, but I can't receive, I don't know, ill health i can receive i don't know i don't know i can't make it up for you but think on your own self where is it that your band where your line stops i'm okay with uh feelings of gratitude but i'm not okay when somebody's angry with me can we receive that

[23:21]

Can you receive negative feedback, criticism, but you can't receive compliments? Can you receive compliments but you can't take any feedback? Where is it that you'd say, this is not okay? Now, for a person who really is into control, they're going to make sure that basically in their life they're going to receive what they want and not receive what they don't want. But our practice is about surrender. It's about not being in control. It's about accepting life the way it comes to us, receiving what is our life in that moment. And can we say yes to that? Not so much that it's what we want to have happen, but yes, this actually is happening. And sometimes we have to go through difficulty over and over and over and over again before we can actually say yes.

[24:30]

Because it might be that the difficulty that comes to, let's say, whatever, you have difficulty with some person. We all have difficulty with each other here in the Sangha. So maybe that person that you have difficulty with, you have difficulty over and over and over and over and over, and then one day it's different. And you can say, The kind of mind that we want to develop in our practice is a mind, a flexible mind, an open mind, a mind that is surrendered to what our life is as it arises for us. Yes. Completely receiving.

[25:32]

And this is our zazen. This is zazen. So yesterday, the other day, we had a half day sitting. Paul and I and two other people sat and at first when I walked in the room, I thought, oops, because about 10 people signed up on the list. So I was at first kind of taken aback. And then we started to sit, and it was lovely. And Paul invited the two people. First they were sitting kind of over there. Paul invited the two people to sit right next to us. So the four of us were kind of lazendo. Good morning. It was really sweet. It was lovely. It was really lovely. And then at some point I left, and I actually wanted to go to a staff meeting, a little bit of it. So I walked myself up. I went to the staff meeting and sat there.

[26:34]

I didn't feel like saying very much, but I was happy to be there. And the day before, I had a little difficulty in one of our other meetings. So it was good that I was there, I think. So I went and sat, and it was very nice, very kind. Actually, it was very kind, the way he did it. And then I left, and then I went to see Alan Dennison, whose uncle just died, and talked about death for a while. And then I went downstairs, and I went back to the Zendo and sat. And I could say yes to every single thing that happened that day. But I wasn't able to say yes to what happened the day before as much.

[27:36]

It was difficult. But because it was difficult the day before, and maybe I didn't exactly completely say no, because things have been working on staff a lot. something turned in the difficulty that actually allowed me to say yes the next day. And I think a number of us did. So the next day was very different than usual after we have difficulty. Anyway, that's just a thought. So I hope you've been thinking while I've been talking Did I miss something I wanted to say? I don't think so. All right. So now, not too long, because we should stop soon, but I thought we would just go around the room and think of something that you have received

[28:49]

good or bad, doesn't matter if it's so-called good or bad, difficult, how about difficult or not difficult, or challenging or not challenging, something like that, that you would like to share with people that you can say thank you. Okay? Marvin, why don't you start? Tuesday I received a dead battery because I left my lights on. But the next thing I knew, they had a better boost than I had the cables. And he had the car, so he did give me a boost, which I'm very grateful for. Thank you. I'm thankful for the love of my wife and the community I have from everyone.

[29:53]

I hope and I hope that I receive, that I carry a new job, that I go to Latin. that Dave got me today to give him a ceremony and then we could split that up, the three of us together. I'm thankful for trying to give Nick a little bottle of gin and sitting. It's kind of like, it just felt very, trying to take care of him. I received an opportunity to practice here at the DeBoer, just to call that, not to call it an army.

[31:14]

I just wrote it down here for you. How? Oh, well, it's a great schedule, but, well, we just work in the day and practice. I'm really grateful for the water that the mountains were sharing with us. I really appreciate it. I'm lucky to have a few friends, and just that they exist here in the journey, I think is part of what keeps me alive. I received food. Maybe. I'm thankful for this series of coincidences and opportunities that helped me start practicing.

[32:45]

I'm thankful for having a family who comes to me. I'm thankful for all the love that I've received. I can't follow, but you will receive the opportunity to be here, part of this community that I have received. It's not an information about the identity of the soul, but you will see a lot of the world from that time. Yes. I must give me a practice to learn to give up. We don't have the ability to live without it. Right. I was thinking about a woman who I didn't know before.

[33:55]

Just by her good, very good energy, she ended up with a very bad woman. I'm grateful for the opportunity to practice and for all the support I've gained, and for the opportunity to totally expose myself. But I've seen true friendship and lots of That's a good, hard, deep factor. I'm grateful for my health, which is coming back, and the environment, the sound, because what they've been doing is very difficult here.

[35:00]

I'm grateful for my mom and having the ability to speak African. I'm grateful for your close friendship and the laughter and difficulty. I'm grateful for the half an hour of doing the offering service. I'm grateful for the support my friends have given me when I left them. And I'm grateful for having thought about setting up for it. I'm thankful for the support of Slong Drive and teachers. I'm thankful for stupendous sex. I'm thankful for the support from my

[36:08]

for our health and for the abundance of food. I like before I eat, I take my honey juice, but for now I'll eat that. That goes for all the days in the same night. I've received the opportunity and the support to be here in community and practice. And I've received a wonderful relationship that's teaching me how to hold and be held with my hands. I'm grateful for a lot of my friends who continue to help me out no matter how much I've spent my life. I'm grateful for you, the miracle of these days. And for the greatness of your soul.

[37:21]

Thank you for the relationships in my life. I'm grateful for Asaya, and Suzanne, and Christopher on the weekend, and the people this morning. I'm grateful for us both. I'm grateful that every morning I get up and smell this wonderful breakfast and sit at a table full of people that I learned from and have fun with.

[38:35]

I'm grateful for my ability to feel gratitude. I'm grateful for the love that you channeled with that one. Thank you. I'm grateful for the love of family, the insomnia, any dharma needs that arise every day. I'm grateful for practice. I feel like it's bringing on an enchanted adventure. It's been quite fun. I'm grateful to be in Rakhavasi, London.

[39:41]

I think... I was grateful for someone put flowers in the hall of the building when I walked over here. It was really nice. And I don't know what I would have done in my life without this practice. Then I thought one small other thing. If you can think of something during these next few days to give that you haven't, that's not easy for us.

[40:48]

Like a look at someone or a smile at someone you usually kind of ignore or pass by or something that for you is just a little bit, just a little bit more. Think of something like that and then see if you can make a vow to do that one thing. That one openness. And then please take care of yourselves over this weekend. Please don't eat too much, okay? But have a good time.

[41:26]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_87.14