So what are my practices as a Buddhist? To come to Johanneshof as often as I can. Sorry. This is a good answer. I like that. To sit with the Sangha in Göttingen as often as possible. and to sit with the Sangha in Göttingen as often as possible. And then I have a small hut on the corner of the forest where I live my hermit being. And I love to spend time there every day. And I spend every day some time there. And another practice is to switch from bicycling to walking or jogging, to running regularly.

[01:17]

And another practice that I practice during the day is to pause. And one practice that I do during the day is to pause. Not so much to pause for the particular, but to just pause. And it is difficult for me to just take a break, to pause. And also to pause within the activity. And then on a very basic level it is the practice between

[02:21]

And on a very fundamental level it's the practice between knowing to going to die and, how can I describe it, something like immortality. And it's connected to the life energy that I'm trying to study. And what does it really mean to be mortal and not to die in mortality? And what does it really mean to be mortal, to be going to die, and to really be immortal within that? And it's a big space that is opening up there. and depends on what I perceive as life energy.

[03:51]

Wenn mich jemand fragen würde, bist du ein Buddhist, würde ich begeistert sagen, ja. If somebody would ask me, are you a Buddhist, I would very enthusiastically say yes. Weil ich das auch wirklich gerne bin. Because I really like being that. Weil all diese... Because of all that has opened up during the time span that I've been practicing here, That my feeling has been growing that this is my truth. And what Gerald just said, I can say that for myself too.

[05:12]

Those are areas of interest of mine just as well. And I'm at an age where that becomes a question. And if somebody would ask me, how do you do that or how do you deal with that? I would answer, I'm trying to be present. And to try to be present with everything that is part of me or that belongs to me, with the positive parts and the negative parts.

[06:16]

That is very important for me. For me, earth is the possibility for experiencing those things. And I used to say what I want within my life is to bring together heaven and earth. And now I have two friends. And as it occurs sometimes, you forget the friends. And that is breath and stillness. And I know well what breath can bring up and bring forth within myself, which spaces breath opens up for me and is kind of guiding me into and accompanying me.

[07:42]

Insofern ist er mein Freund. And in that sense, he's my friend. Die Stille. Stillness. Ist mein Zuhause. Is my home. Gut. And what is also very important for me is the sentence, being connected. That's my main sentence, main phrase. And I'm connected with everyone. Even if it's not noticeable at times.

[08:51]

And sometimes that is a pain for me. And I'm always looking for ways And I'm looking for ways how to bring that into truth or truthfulness. And presence is helping me there. And to learn to accept everything. And that's a process of learning. And within this process I find it very exciting.

[09:54]

How every human being or anything that appears in this universe is as it is. And I don't want to ever forget that Roshi has been accompanying me for such a long time. What a big question.

[11:13]

I'm trying to respond from my momentary situation as it is just what kind of resonance I have just in this moment. I have a deep humility. One aspect of my practice is the fact that I have returned here. As Gerald says, he tries to come as often as possible, and I'm here more often.

[12:23]

In the daily practice with everybody, residence and with Roshi and with the guests. And Rosi talked about the holiness or sacredness of all these different aspects and all the individual aspects of this place. And sometimes I can sense something like that. And it is enlarging the space for stillness. And in the midst of noticing endless suffering, there is a deep joy and stillness.

[13:37]

And one practice that I have had during Zazen is the question, what is at work within this moment in this total complexity? And the Zen method that we have been learning here has given me instruments to look at it in a different way. And one of the main tools is the practice of breath. And I used to think, well, now I'm breathing into a pain or into my heart or into a sense field.

[15:14]

And then a shift occurred and I noticed, oh, now a spine is breathing. Or heart or the eyes, no matter what. deep emotions or deep emotions and yes, it is a for me a total a also liberating form And it's a way to, a freeing, a deeply freeing way to look at the world and the situation. I'm trying to work through my resistances for some time now.

[16:39]

Resistance against Buddhist experiential teachings. an example from yesterday would be you talked about quantum physics that it is a theory that describes the world within its smallest aspects most detailed aspects And you were interested in looking at the circle of physicists around your father?

[17:44]

That they don't have a direct experience, that they describe it, but they don't experience it themselves. And my experience is that the physicists themselves, they don't understand what quantum physics means and is. Emphasis on understand. They did something and were successful with that. And basically meaning they earned a lot of money doing that.

[18:58]

And then they continue. And questions that I have today, thanks to quantum physics, we have quantum computing today. and Google develops quantum computers and we feed them with the data and artificial intelligence but we don't understand what consciousness really is I think I seem to know what you are referring to, talking about direct experience.

[20:10]

But I would say that understanding is really important also. Also critical thinking, including thinking about one's own thinking, or exploring one's own thinking. I came in contact with Johanneshof only last year with my first visit here. And I am very happy to be here again. And my praxis refers to I have experience in yoga. And there have been brief meditative moments. And I wanted to look into that more closely.

[21:31]

I believe that I can rest within trust, trusting my experiences here, and maybe I become a real Buddhist. We'll keep our eye out. There he goes. He's a real Buddhist. Yeah. I would like to feel who is asking me that question. Am I a Buddhist or not? And besides that, I'm just practicing it here, and I've been here a while now, and I'm trying to explore this.

[23:15]

And right now I'm occupied with exploring or sensing this feeling of inside-edness. Interiority. Interiority, yeah. Thank you. And that there is no outside. And I use the words fundamentally alone. And living room. And living room. It's just always exciting for me to notice, when I can keep this space, almost automatically the paramitas and, through the generosity, the brahma viharas come in.

[24:35]

And it's interesting that I'm able to hold this space almost by themselves. The parameters are arising and then within this field of generosity the Brahma Biharas as well. So the living room is being set up nicely. And... And this switch to always notice, to express, And to notice the switch when things seem to be outside and to notice and to see what you are seeing and what I'm seeing, what I'm seeing is within my world. And it works well.

[25:38]

And when I'm outside in the forest by myself, I like to say it out loud. Wohnzimmer oder living room. And during Zazen, it's a theme to take it into my chest and feel inside the aliveness. To observe this process, how I would like to put outside things that are uncomfortable for me, like pain. That's so far.

[26:59]

That's it so far. From the beginning of my practice I've been very much connected with stillness and practice that in connection with my breath. And I'm trying to do that within my daily life because daily life often is much more noisy as I would like it or we would like it to be. And I noticed this feeling of being connected with everything and also connected with Johanneshof.

[28:07]

And I would add the word friendship. And I'm trying to deal in a fair way with all of my friends and sometimes it doesn't work. And in the past time, I've given more time to myself and I kind of pulled back a little bit. I look how I'm paying attention to my nutrition. I do sports whenever I can, like hiking. and try to do exercise whenever I can, like walking and going hiking and yoga.

[29:27]

And one practice that is quite difficult for me is I'm trying to eat with the chopsticks in my right hand, although I'm left-handed. Wenn ich in einen Buchladen gehe, dann versinke ich. And I'm trying to let go of some books. When I go to a bookshop, bookstore, I kind of get emerged. Weil es zu viele sind. Because I have too many. Well, there are too many books that would be interesting for me, but now I restrict it to just topics of Buddhism. Yeah. And what is also very much on my mind is dying, the process of dying.

[30:53]

Actually, I have been asked two weeks ago why I'm going here and what is the benefit of coming to Johanneshof all the time. It was one o'clock after midnight and I had one glass of wine. I rarely drink wine and so one glass of wine is a glass of wine for me. I think I said... I think I said... It makes me happier and more content and more satisfied.

[32:22]

I am alive and I become alive. And I think I don't harm my environment, my surroundings. I don't harm my surroundings with that. And I think the second, what I said was that for decades, this question fascinated me. Over and over again. Who or what am I beyond my feelings and thoughts? Who or what am I beyond my feelings and thoughts?

[33:34]

That I can remember, that much I can remember. And my former practice is sitting and while sitting to be present with my breath. Not a surprise. Körpergewahrsein, also Körpergeistgewahrsein. I'm trying to have a body-mind awareness feel the body in a different way when I move when I'm moving and the third is that I have a

[34:53]

And the third is that I'm trying to not shoot the second arrow. So meaning that in difficult situation I try not to add something from my part to make it even more difficult. Period. If I am a Zen Buddhist, I think... Am I a Zen Buddhist? Well, yes, but I wouldn't say it has reached a stage of maturity that I could completely say yes to it. What I can reflect is that I am on my buddha way, the path of buddha.

[36:30]

And there's resonance within Buddhism, within me, and I can create a harmony. And practice is helping me. Stillness and to keep still. less ego and more love affection and detachment Thank you, Roshi, for this question.

[37:47]

It's a big question for me. And thank you that I was able to hear all your stories. It's been wonderful. If somebody would ask me, are you a Zen student, I would ask back how much time you have. Short answer would be yes. I took the vows and I meditate regularly, daily, And when I have the feeling somebody is really interested and really wants to know, that was happening right now between us while we are talking, that's it. Zen is for me the immediate access And Zen for me is the immediate access to what we call life or aliveness.

[39:04]

It's self-exploration all the time, continuous self-exploration. What kind of human being can I be? What kind of potential is around me? And to fail with greed, hate and delusion that I can observe every day. and to awake into the moment in the way to notice that it's happening right now that I'm breathing, my heart is beating I have a voice, I have a body To understand that life or to experience that life is a miracle, I haven't been asked, but every day it opens.

[40:16]

I can look at it and I have to deal with it. And as you know, I live in Hamburg. It's up looking from here. And it's very far away. But I do connect. Suzuki is smiling at me on my little table. And Dogen is lying around and sometimes I look into the book. And I sit and I try to take care of my body and eat well. And I have all the themes that you have, impermanence and acceptance, and the difficulties with acceptance.

[42:05]

And sometimes I can perceive stillness. As you said, the noisy world, I can feel and experience that there's a different world beyond that. and I could continue to say what Zen means to me it is very important or the most important and I'm giving or doing my best effort and my practice is to give my best effort To try to be the best version of myself. That's nice, very nice.

[43:14]

I don't like the question if I'm a Zen Buddhist or not. I used to like it. In the early time I liked it and answered it wholeheartedly or tried to give an answer. And I don't like it anymore because I no longer know an answer. And I don't like it anymore because I don't know Nancy anymore. What I know is that my teacher, Roshi, means a lot to me. And the Johannishof and this place of practice, the Johannishof-Hotzenhaus, this whole expansion means a lot to me.

[44:40]

What I know is that my teacher, Roshi, means an awful lot to me. Johanneshof and the extension into Hotzenhaus means an awful lot to me. the people who live here, the people who are actually here, the sangha being present or absent. Und wenn ich hierher komme, komme ich irgendwie nach Hause, tauche ein, tanke auf When I come here, I come home, I restore myself. Yes, the rest I have forgotten. I forgot what I said. And it's just such a great gratitude in me that we, all of us, in this connection, which is in there, this, I don't even know your name, what's your name?

[46:10]

Neil. Leo, yes, I told Leo in the break that we have created this thing here, this place and the development of the practice here together. So where we are standing today, that's awesome. Yes, yes, I try. I experience right now an incredibly deep gratitude for having, and I talked to Leo about this whole development of Johanneshof and Hotzenhaus and the development of practice in this practice place, that we, in this feeling of connectedness, of course, have created this and it's continuing to grow and to flow and to...

[47:19]

It's incredibly great. It's like that. Okay. And my practice, specifically at the moment, is My practice at the moment that has started last year when you and the other Roshis talked about aliveness is to try to be in touch with aliveness. And Nicole once said an example, okay, I can feel it to my arm, and then I perceive it, and then I feel how its vitality is, or how it is vital, and I then also tried it, and it is totally interesting.

[48:36]

Nicole once mentioned in a discussion, I can feel towards my arm and have awareness of my arm and then I can ask the question or can try to feel the aliveness of the arm. And it's interesting. Ich bin zu Hause, arbeite nicht mehr seit anderthalb Jahren. We have a lot to do at home and the biggest challenge and practice for me is to do these things at home and to feel alive at the same time, but also all the resistance and the I live at home. I don't work since a year and a half now.

[49:44]

We have a lot to do at home. And my practice is to... feel or come in touch with, while doing all sorts of activities with this, am I alive, how can I be alive within my activities, and also notice all resistances and dislikes and all that. And all this rejection and resistance leads me to my And this noticing all the resistances and dislikes brings me to the long-term and most important topic of acceptance. And what is helping me is

[50:50]

to widen by just noticing. Just noticing. Aha, there's... And that immediately gives more space. Doesn't make me happier. Maybe it's like touching this other world. Es ist manchmal so das Gefühl, ein totaler Rummel in mir und um mich herum. Also bisher alles in mir. Alles ist in mir. There is a feeling of complete...

[51:53]

not chaos, but a lot of going on around me, inside of me and around me. Well, basically it's all inside me. And noticing all this there is touching and stillness and this other world. During Zazen, I try to follow my breath, which I have been trying for decades. And I experience it's more difficult for me. So I try to practice open-heartedness and acceptance of this is as it is and when I get lost in all sorts of things.

[53:14]

Hmm... And another task for me at home is, because I like to give, another task for me at home is, because I like to give, is a little more self-love and a little more self-care. Gerald, you said something about pausing. It is interesting in my busyness from early to late, at least to remember, when I come to a physical exhaustion limit and no longer like my body, I experience that clearly separated, and there is something, and then I could just keep going and then say, I think I should stop now.

[54:41]

That is really good. And I'm busy all day continuously, continuously, and at least I'm noticing a physical exhaustion or approaching that physically my body doesn't want to do anymore. And I'm noticing that, and it's very relieving to notice that and sometimes even stop. at the same time there is something that could continue and go on and go on and go on. Ja, das ist so mein Alltag und meine Praxis und was davon Zen-Buddhistisch ist. Es ist genährt durch all die Lehre, aber ich lese wenig, kenne wenig Koans

[55:44]

So what about all this Zen Buddhist practice? It's nurtured and penetrated from all the teachings, but I read very little and I know very few koans only when I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. It is incredibly important to me to be here again and to drink this field, to absorb it. It's so important for me to come here over and over again and to be here.

[56:52]

And I almost said to drink the field, what we are creating together, this being here is for me the greatest. Yeah, to be with you. Hopefully not to have to answer, what is my practice? Because my practice is to sit next to you or to sit across from you or to feel you in the sendo. That's what I come for. Yeah, also ganz wichtig wegen Roshi und einfach in seiner Nähe zu sein, ihn zu sehen, zu erleben, im sendo gegenüber zu sitzen, eben ihm zu sitzen. Das ist meine Praxis und hoffentlich nicht die. Okay, thank you. Now it's my turn.

[57:54]

Except it's lunchtime. If it's okay with you, I'll take my turn after lunch. Thank you for translating all of this for me. Thank you for immersing me in your practice.

[58:18]

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