I vow to change the truth of the darkness with light. Morning. Well, we've been sitting here for seven days, seven nights, in what we call sashin. For those people who don't know what that sashin is, it's a continuous practice of zazen for a period of time. This time, seven days. Some people call it retreat. but I'm not sure that's a good name. I've never called it retreat. I call it being present, totally present for seven days.

[01:00]

This particular sashin is called rohatsu, which means Buddha's enlightenment. commemoration of Buddha's enlightenment. So December 8th is the date we commemorate Buddha's enlightenment under the bow tree in India. And after the culmination of his quest, of Shakyamuni Buddha's quest, was sitting seven days under the bow tree and finally realizing his enlightened mind. So during this time, we've been, excuse me, I've been talking a bit about enlightenment.

[02:09]

So it's appropriate today to talk a bit about enlightenment, even though I will wash my mouth out with soap at the end. So, I will read you a little quote from Zen Master Dogen to begin with. Master Dogen in his Shobo Genzo, his great work, had a fast school called Daigo, which means great enlightenment. And I'm just, there's a few little phrases here that I will read to you.

[03:15]

Great enlightenment manifests itself and never ceases. If you are attached to the idea, if you're attached to the idea, your practice will stagnate. To be non-attached to great enlightenment and do not crave it. It is our daily activities without thinking about it." So a person of great enlightenment still suffers from illusion is not a contradiction. Dogen's point is, enlightenment is not something to be grasped. It's not something, it's like, there's a phrase, the thought of enlightenment, to raise the thought of enlightenment is important.

[04:29]

It's like there's a door called the thought of enlightenment. There's a door, and above the door is a sign saying the thought of enlightenment. So you open the door and walk through, and you never see that sign again. You simply deal with whatever's behind the door. That's called daily life, the door of daily life. you enter it through the door of enlightenment and never give it another thought. But at the same time, if you don't give it another thought, if you don't keep the thought of enlightenment present, you'll wander all over the place without guidance. So it's a kind of koan. But the thought of enlightenment is not up here.

[05:39]

It's down here. It's in all of your actions and whatever you do. So according to the Buddhadharma, one school of Buddhism, we have three natures, three aspects of our nature, actually. One aspect is the nature of imagination or construction. Through our imagination we construct a world. This is called the world of delusion, where we take the constructions that we manifest through imagination as real. That's why it's called delusion, because what is actually is illusory we take for the real thing.

[06:40]

So it's called the world of imagination, paratantra. And then there's the realm of non-duality or buddha nature. or nirvana, or completed realization. And then in between is the realm of interdependence. So interdependence is enlightenment. To realize interdependence is enlightenment. when we really understand how everything really works, as interdependent and selfless, that there's actually no self in anything, and that everything depends on everything else, all activities, all phenomena are empty of their own nature, as it says in the Heart Sutra.

[07:54]

inherently empty. It's all dependent origination. Everything arises dependently originating. And to understand this is enlightenment. So delusion is to believe in the structures that we create as reality. And enlightenment is to realize the interdependence of all phenomenal existence. And great enlightenment is to rise above enlightenment and delusion, because enlightenment and delusion are still dualistic. There are still two things, enlightenment and delusion. Reality can't depend on duality, on the duality of enlightenment and delusion. Great enlightenment includes delusion.

[08:59]

And rather than separating delusion from enlightenment, delusion and enlightenment are equated. So our enlightened life is within our delusion. to rise above the duality of enlightenment and illusion is parinispana, the completed stage of understanding, where everything is one piece, the one in the all and the all in the one. So if you pick up a piece of sand, a grain of sand, the whole universe is there. It's possible, as we know, to create a whole animal from a single cell, because the whole universe is within that cell, contained within that cell.

[10:08]

great illusion, delusion, is the same as great enlightenment. So we live our life as an enlightened life in the realm of delusion. In order to test your understanding of enlightenment, the test is, do you really see the enlightenment within delusion? And do you see delusion as delusion? The enlightened person realizes, oh, this is delusion. If you realize what is delusion, then you have enlightenment. But if you don't realize, you have delusion within delusion. But even delusion within delusion is a form of enlightenment. There's a talk by Suzuki Roshi where he says, wherever you are, enlightenment is there.

[11:33]

He says, in our practice, the most important thing is to realize that we have muda nature. Muda nature is another name for parinirvana. There are many names for the ultimate. And we can say, well, doesn't Buddha nature equal light or enlightenment or emptiness or so forth? Yes and no. Each one of those terms that are used relates to the ultimate but from a different point of view. So yes and no. Intellectually, we may know this, but it is rather difficult to accept. Our everyday life is in the realm of good and bad, and the realm of duality, while Buddha nature is found in the realm of the absolute, where there is no good and no bad.

[12:50]

So it's a twofold reality, the realm of good and bad, which is the realm of delusion, and the realm of oneness, which is the realm of Buddha nature. But actually, one is found in the other. So it's a two-fold practice. Our practice is to go beyond the realm of good and bad and to realize the absolute. It may be rather difficult to understand. Actually, it's a three-fold reality. It is a two-fold reality, but it's actually a three-fold reality, as I explained. Hashimoto Roshi, a famous Zen master who passed away in 1965, said that the way we Japanese cook is to prepare each ingredient separately. If you've ever been to a Japanese restaurant, you have pickles, and you have the fish, and you have this and that. But each one is arranged on the plate separately. But Western-style cooking is to make a stew.

[13:53]

You put everything together. mix it all up before you eat it. The Japanese way is to separate it all and then eat it and let it mix up as it goes down. So he says, rice is here, pickles are over there, but when you put them in your tummy, he uses that word tummy, you don't know which is which. After it leaves the mouth, you forget about it, and it starts its dynamic journey down the track. It is a dynamic journey, actually, because only when it starts to lose its form does it start to work. So the rice, the soup, the pickles, everything get all mixed up.

[14:59]

That is the world of the absolute. When mixed up, when he says mixed up, it means all the same. It all kind of comes together as one piece. The pieces lose their individuality and they become one piece. So that's the world of the absolute. Everything is one piece. As long as rice, pickles, and soup remain separate, they're not working. They have to combine in order to do something. So you are not being nourished when they're separate. That is like your intellectual understanding or book knowledge. It remains separate from your actual life. So Zazen practice is mixing the various ways we have of understanding and letting it all work together. And then he talks about the kerosene lamp. A kerosene lamp will not work merely because it's filled with kerosene. It also needs air for combustion.

[16:02]

And even with air, it needs matches. So by the aid of matches, air and kerosene, the lamp will work. So this is a Sāsic practice, to actually harmonize body, breath, mind, and our activity, so that it's all one piece. and so that it works. So this is actually the oneness of duality and the duality of oneness as practiced in our daily life. All of the various, nothing works except through causes and conditions. Everything arises through causes and conditions, interdependent, co-arising. And the way that all of these pieces are harmonized and work together is in oneness. So it's the oneness of the particulars and the particulars of the oneness. That's bringing it all together as enlightened activity.

[17:05]

In the same way, even though you say, I have Buddha nature, that alone is not enough to make it work. You can say, I have Buddha nature all day long, or you can say, I am enlightened all day long, but it doesn't work. If you do not have a friend or a Sangha, it won't work. So in the case of practice, you have to have the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, all three ingredients. It's called the three legs of the Dharma. Three legs of practice, Buddha, Dharma, Sangha. Buddha has various, meanings, but basically Buddha is the teacher, Dharma is the teaching, and Sangha is the people who practice. So, in order to have a complete practice, all three are necessary. Some people, some students, really focus on the teacher, but they're not so interested in the Dharma or the Sangha.

[18:17]

And some students focus on the Dharma, but they're not so interested in the teacher or the Sangha. And some people focus on the Sangha, but they're not so much interested in the Dharma or the teacher. And then there are various combinations. But to have a complete practice is to have the three wheels, the three wheels and the three legs. Sometimes in I Ching, there's a term, the cauldron. The cauldron is like, the cauldron is where sages are cooked. because the cauldron is held up by these three legs, and so the vessel is there to cook the students.

[19:22]

So he says, to have a so-called enlightenment experience is of course important, but what is more important is to know how to adjust the flame in Zazen and in our everyday life. So we have various, you know, it's somewhat typical in Soto Zen for the teacher to ignore, more or less, people's enlightenment experiences. The student rushes in and says, I just had this great experience. That's very nice, very nice. Now, let's talk about, oh, but what about my enlightenment experience? So, but, the other side is, your whole life is an enlightenment experience.

[20:31]

What need is there to get excited about it? Although, it's okay to get excited about an experience, an enlightened experience. Problem is, you think, I didn't say you think, but it's a thought. There is the thought that until I get my enlightened experience, all the rest of my life is dull. So you ignore the life that you have at the moment in order to gain some enlightenment experience which will make you happy. But why aren't you happy now? If you really had an enlightenment experience, you would understand this present moment. You would cherish this present moment, no matter what it's like. This is the characteristic of enlightenment.

[21:38]

is that every moment is very precious. Why give up this moment? Why give up appreciating and totally living this moment, thinking that in the future you will have some wonderful experience? In one of our talks during Sashim, Sebja came up to give up hope, let go of hope. And then the idea, people even go, give up hope, but Jesus, you know, like hope, what about all those people starving? But giving up hope means just focusing on this moment. This is the most wonderful moment you will ever have until the next moment. This is it. But you say, but I'm not happy now.

[22:41]

It really has nothing to do with happiness. It has to do with reality. It's not about being happy. It's about being real. Happiness, unhappiness, that's all the realm of samsara. But if you truly accept every moment as it is, you will be happy. but not in the way you think. You'll be happy to be real. So all of our quest in our life, because we don't know where the path is, we go up various paths looking for happiness, looking for comfort, looking for confirmation. looking for reality, but there are all these dead ends.

[23:45]

So when we find the real way of reality, it doesn't look like anything. And this is why when Shakyamuni Buddha found his path, he said, it's just like walking along in the mountains And there's an old path that goes down, but it's all covered with shrubbery and stuff. And you walk by it, but you don't see it. He said, when I looked at that path, he said, well, I'm going to go down there and see what that is. So that's how he discovered the path. But it didn't look like anything. He struggled for years, six years, as an ascetic. He got down to where he would eat one grain of rice a day and he would lay in the mud and have people defecate on him and things like that, looking for the path, until he finally realized that it's not in asceticism, it's not in imagination, it's simply being totally yourself with the universe.

[25:02]

So he says to have a so-called enlightenment experience is of course important, but what is more important is to know how to adjust the flame in zazen and in our everyday life. When the flame is in complete combustion, you don't smell the oil. When everything is working well together, you know everything is in perfect balance, and so there's no no need to say, this is enlightenment. When you sit sadhana, you forget about enlightenment, you forget about Buddha, you forget about yourself. You forget about attaining something, you forget about tomorrow, you forget about yesterday. There's only this moment with whatever is happening. That's enlightened practice. So we say Zazen or Zen practice and enlightenment are one thing.

[26:19]

One hour of practice is one hour of enlightenment. But enlightenment is there all the time. It's just that we don't access it or we don't realize who we really are. So, when the flame is in complete combustion, you don't smell the oil. Everything is working very well. When it is smoky, you'll smell something. You may realize that it is a kerosene lamp. When your life is in complete combustion, you have no complaint, and there is no need to be aware of your practice. If we talk too much about it, it's already a smoking kerosene lamp. Maybe I am a smoking kerosene lamp. I don't necessarily want to give a lecture. I just want to live with you, moving stones, having a nice hot spring bath, and eating something good.

[27:26]

Zen is right there. When I start to talk, it is already a smoky kerosene lamp. As long as I must give a lecture, I have to explain, this is right practice, this is wrong, and this is how to practice Zazen. It's like giving you a recipe. It doesn't work. You can't eat a recipe. But you have to say something. It's not a recipe. It's like dealing with each person individually is not the same. Everyone is completely different and has different needs, different personalities, different ways of perceived perception. He says, you think that you can only establish true practice after you attain enlightenment, but that's not so.

[28:31]

True practice is established in delusion, in frustration. If you make some mistake, that is where you establish your practice. There's no other place for you to establish your practice. So this is really important. Right now, this is the last day of Sachine, and pretty much everyone is settled, but then you go out into the world. And because your body, mind, and breath are contained, It was in this container. When you go out into the world, it all starts to wind out. And then, do you come apart? What is holding you together?

[29:32]

The schedule holds you together. Your Zazen position holds you together. Working with the Sangha holds you together. But when you walk out, what holds you together? Because it's the wide, wide world. This is the problem that we have. how do you maintain your practice when in all of the circumstances that you meet? And the biggest complaint is when I go out there pretty soon, I'm angry, I'm this, I'm that, all these problems appear. And right there is your practice. But we think, if I didn't have all those problems, I'd have practice. That's delusion. Enlightenment is to realize this problem is wonderful. As terrible as it is, it's wonderful.

[30:33]

This is my tool with which to practice. If we don't understand that, then our practice doesn't mean anything. Every problem that you have is your way to go. So it looks like when we come to Siddhazin, we let go of all our problems, those kinds of problems, which is true. You can actually let go of them. You may think about them going around in your head, but that's just an idea. That's imagination. The problem is in your head. And when we're sitting here for seven days, If we had a kind of look into everybody's mind, transparent head, you'd see all these wheels going around.

[31:35]

My problem, this problem, that problem. But actually, it's just imagination. They're not real. They're only real when they're taken up. So we create the world of problems, even though what we face various various complications, but the way we deal with the complications is how you practice. So how you practice with your problems in Zazen, of which there are many, is the same way you practice with your problems when you're in the wide world. That's your question? So you think that you can only establish true practice after you attain enlightenment, but it's not so.

[32:40]

True practice is established in delusion, in frustration. If you make some mistake, that is where you establish your practice. There is no other place for you to establish your practice. So it's called continuous practice. Continuous practice means Coming to the zendo and going back out. Coming to the zendo and going back. That's the circle of the way. Letting go and taking up. Letting go and taking up. We talk about enlightenment, but in its true sense, perfect enlightenment is beyond our understanding, as Dogen says. Beyond our experience even. even in our imperfect practice, enlightenment is there. There's this famous statement, practice is one continuous mistake.

[33:47]

A Zen master's practice can be one continuous mistake. And people misunderstand this statement. They think, oh, see, the Zen masters are always making mistakes. That's not what it means. It means Zen masters continually making mistakes as practice. He says, so we just don't know it. So the point is to find the true meaning of practice before you attain enlightenment. Wherever you are, enlightenment is there. If you stand up right where you are, that is enlightenment. If you stand up and deal with your problems, that is enlightenment. Even if you evade your problems, enlightenment is still there.

[34:49]

But when you address your problems as practice, enlightenment is realized. This is called, I don't know, zazen. We don't know what zazen is anymore. I don't know who I am. To find complete composure when you don't know who you are or where you are, that is to accept things as it is. Even though you don't know who you are, you accept yourself. That is you in its true sense. When you know who you are, that you will not be the real you. When you think you know who you are, that's not the real you, because that's seeing yourself as an object. The object that you see is not you yourself.

[35:51]

You may overestimate yourself quite easily, but when you say, I don't know, then you are you, and you know yourself completely. That's enlightenment. This is called, what I call, humility. Humility is knowing what you know and what you don't know. knowing exactly where you are on each moment. That's enlightenment. And not knowing is called the highest understanding. As soon as you say, I don't know, something will come up for you. Often, we struggle for an answer. And so we use almost anything sometimes.

[37:00]

But to say, I don't know, means to let go of everything. And when we let go of everything, the universe provides an answer. That's how you learn how to trust the universe, is by letting go. It's interesting. John Rubin gave me this little list of things by Anonymous and it's called Letting Go and it's a bunch of things that letting go means and I was going to talk about some of those but I don't know about time. They said, I think our teaching is very good, but if we become arrogant and believe in ourselves too much, we will be lost. There will be no teaching, no Buddhism at all. When we find the joy of our life in our composure, we don't know what it is.

[38:02]

We don't understand anything. Then our mind is very big and very great, very wide. Our mind is open to everything, so it is big enough to know before we know something. We are grateful even before we have something. Even before we attain enlightenment, we're happy to practice our way. Otherwise, we can't attain anything in its true sense. This is interesting. To let go does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else. This is about relationship. how we can cause problems by over-caring, over-doing something, and smothering rather than releasing.

[39:09]

I remember there was this movie by Toshiro Mifune many years ago, Las Animas, and it was done in Mexico. Mifune identified with the Mexican people. He said, I'm a Mexican. Anyway, it was about this little village, and in the village they had a festival every year. And one man would sponsor the whole thing for the village and spend a lot of money to make this thing happen, this festival. And Miphuni was the village idiot. And he said, I want to do that. So he went through all this stuff to see if he could do that. I mean, he didn't have a penny, he didn't know how to make any money, he didn't know how to get anything, but he wanted to do it.

[40:19]

But in one scene, the little bird flies into this barn where he's staying, but it's So he picks up the little bird because he's very concerned about the bird, you know, he's mothering the bird, just like he wanted to do something for the village, you know, kind of the same feeling. And he was mothering the bird and he's putting his hand over it and actually smothers it to death, you know, and he looks at it and it's dead. So this is the kind of, you know, we want to, We have this urge to fix things, to make them work, and to help people, but if we help them too much, we kill them, actually.

[41:23]

Suzuki Roshi talked about how to let your cow have a big field. Remember that very famous thing he said, to allow your cow to have a bigger field, but not to forget about the cow. You keep your eye on the cow, but you give the cow a field so the cow can find its own way. But you're always there for the cow. But if you try to do too much, you know, we do this with our children, right? We want them to be something, so we over-smother them. But it's the same with Zen students. The teacher has to pay attention to the students and give them a field, but not manipulate them. try to do too much for them.

[42:26]

Suzuki Roshi called it, you know, there's this idea of, this image of Avalokitesvara, or you're reaching for your pillow in the night, you can't see it, and you wonder where it is. And that's called fully functioning, because you don't know where it is. And you have to reach for it and find it. And that's like practice. you have to reach for it and find it, because you don't know where it is. There's no formula exactly, and there's no, there's a way to go, but you have to find a way. This is one of the problems that people have had in America with Zen practice, because although everyone is welcome, it's not a feeling of being invited in. Exactly. And in the beginning, people said, well, these Zen people are very cool, you know, zombies, because they'll greet you with smiles and stuff like that, and give you tea and cookies.

[43:39]

We don't do that anymore, but at least not the way we used to. But it's like, you have to find your way in. That way, when you're finding your way in, that's the beginning of your practice. To find how to practice is practice. To be told how to practice, there are ways to be told how to practice, but the real practice is, how do I practice? To have that question, not know what it is. Because not knowing is the heart of the practice. When I was ordained, I asked Tsukino, what is a priest? What do I do now? He said, I don't know. This is my famous statement. And then I asked Katagiri, what do I do now? He says, I don't know. I realized this is our practice.

[44:44]

They're telling me exactly what they know. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. That's very interesting because we want control. It's really hard for us to let go of control and realize that there can be another outcome than the one that I want to control. And to be able to accept that, you know, we set things off in a certain direction and because things go in a certain direction we have some confidence that they will continue in that direction, but they may not.

[45:47]

But, you know, to have too much control is to not let things work themselves out. Things have a way of working themselves out if we let go. And to be able to trust that is very important. So I think most of these, letting go is like not holding the reins too tightly. It's like guidance from you know, behind. When you see, you allow the student to do this or that, but when you see they're going off, you kind of push a little way this way, a little bit that way. I kind of like being on the edge in that way.

[47:01]

You know, like, giving people enough, not only people like my dog, you know, who is very intense. And I don't like to, you know, keep him by the leash. So I, but it's always on the edge. on the edge, but there's some kind of trust that goes on that works, you know. I tell him what to do, but I trust that he'll know, find his way. So I like that kind of edge. It's interesting for me. I don't like to control too much. I just want to spend a few more minutes. There's someone during Sashin asked, you know, wouldn't it be nice if we had some kind of guidelines for when we're out in the world, you know, so we can think about that kind of bring us back to mindfulness.

[48:23]

That's already been established, but we don't talk about it very much, and I must say I don't. But there are these gathas, you know, in Soto Zen, there are gathas for getting up in the morning, what you do, and brushing your teeth. Every time you brush your teeth, you know, you, I can't remember exactly, but it's something like brushing my, you know, in the old days, they used a twig to brush their teeth with. They'd chew on a twig. and before they had toothbrushes. So the gatha is like chewing on this twig, you know. I vow with all sentient beings to chew on the dharma, you know, and save all beings or something like that. So that kind of a gatha to remind you of what you're doing within the mundane activities of your daily life. So Eken Roshi put together a book of gathas. Thich Nhat Hanh also made a lot of these gathas, and there was a time back in the 80s when we invented gathas, but that's all gone by the board.

[49:34]

But here is a few of his gathas, and if later you would like to look at this, you may. When I enter the zendo and bow, I vow with all beings to dance the dream of the Buddha with my friends once again. Holding hands in a ring, I vow with all beings to ease the pain in the ring of breath around the world. When the outcome proves disappointing, I vow with all beings to look again at my purpose. Was it dharma or something else? Often we get discouraged by our, you know, and say, why am I doing this?

[50:39]

And then you have to return, why am I doing this? When I think, how am I doing this? I return to my original vow. original inspiration about why did I do this in the first place? I returned to my original inspiration. Then, when my head is in a turmoil of trivia, I vow with all beings to relax in good humored practice as I would with a mischievous child, which is my mind. Yes, that's good.

[52:02]

And so on. So, we're still in Sashin, and we have to stop on time. So please enjoy your enlightenment on Buddhist Enlightenment Day.

[52:34]

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