Good morning. Yesterday I was talking about how we live on this little ball of mud in the universe, this rock that's whirling through space. And the question came up, well, if that's really so, which it is, what about our worldly ambitions? What do they mean? Good question. But the question comes from a one-sided view of things. What's the meaning of our life?

[01:10]

What's the meaning of our aspirations and projects and civilization and so forth? So, which reminded me of a koan from the Book Cliff record, which is called Dai Zui's It Will Be Gone With the Other. I'm going to skip the introduction because it's not terribly relevant, but the main subject. A monk asked Dai Zui. Dai Zui was a student of various prominent Tang Dynasty teachers, and it was said that he lived

[02:25]

in the forest in his monastery for 10 years and he lived in a hollow tree trunk. Those old monks. A monk asked Daizui, when the kelp of fire flares up and the great cosmos is destroyed, I wonder, will it perish or will it not perish? Daizui said, it will perish. The monk said, then will it be gone with the other? Zui said, it will be gone with the other. This is a very fatalistic kind of response. So the monk, and then Setso's verse, he says, blocked by the double barrier, the monk asked from the heart of the Kalpa fire. Wonderful the words, it will be gone with the other. Thousands of miles he wandered in vain, seeking a master. So, the Mark S. Daisui, when the Kalpa fire flares up and the great cosmos is destroyed, I wonder, will it perish or will it not perish?

[03:42]

The great Kalpa fire can be, you know, there are always predictions about what will happen at the end of the millennium, or the end of the, I guess millennium's the right word, but the Kalpa. Kalpa is the, one way of thinking about a Kalpa is that the Kalpa is the space between the inception and the destruction of one phase of the universe. Or the world. Or your life. Or The candy bar. Candy bar goes through four phases. Birth, existence, destruction, and emptiness. These are the four phases of existence.

[04:47]

Birth or inception. Existence or growth or whatever. annihilation, so to speak, or disintegration, and emptiness. And emptiness is the space in which the end of something is the beginning of another. Without emptiness, nothing can exist. Emptiness is the, actually, the goo that not only holds everything together, but gives everything the space to exist and to change. Without some space, nothing can change.

[05:49]

So this is one of the, there are 20 aspects of emptiness, and this is one of them. And emptiness is also interdependence. It's the, because nothing, no entity has its own independent existence, it depends on everything else for its existence. You depend on me. We depend on each other. Everything depends on everything else for its existence. Nothing exists independently. Because of all those things that we don't consider ourself as being ourself, we only exist because they exist. So, emptiness is also the space which allows everything to and is also the true body of everything.

[07:06]

So, this conflagration the great fire at the end of the Kalpa, when everything burns up, the monk is saying, well, will I exist? But it also means, will Buddha nature continue? I think that's more the meaning. What will happen to Buddha nature? Will it also go with, in the great conflagration? Will it disappear? And Daisui says, yeah, it would go too. Really? Yeah, really. He could have said, no, it won't, which would also have been okay. But because, you know, the monk is hanging on to one side, he's hanging on to the side of, if everything goes, then that's the end.

[08:17]

And we think the same way. When it's over, it's over. But as it said, it ain't over till it's over. So the question comes from the point of view of dividing existence from non-existence, from dividing birth from death, and taking a stand on one side. So, Daizui gives the monk a startling response, a cutting off response, This is called a response which cuts off the thinking mind.

[09:27]

It's said that the monk then went to another teacher and told him the story. And the other teacher lit incense and bowed deeply to Dai Zui. Dai Zui has been such a a wonderful grandmother to you, you should go back and see and study with him some more. So he went back to study with Daizui, but Daizui had died. And then he went back to the other teacher, and he had died. I think that's an apocryphal story. But it's not bad. everything goes. As soon as you want to take it on, take it up, it's gone. So... So this question, you know, what is it that our life is about then?

[11:06]

If everything comes to, you know, if everything comes to no, If all of our ambitions are simply temporal, what's the use of doing something? In the Bible, it says, vanity, vanity, all is vanity. Vanity means a dead end. Something like an endeavor which is simply done without any, that comes to nothing, a vain attempt. So vanity, all is vanity. It doesn't say some of the things we do are vain, but it says all is vanity.

[12:15]

The whole thing is vanity. All of our ambitions. So this is why people become monks, because they see that all is vanity, and what's real? So that's the question, what is real? And where should we put our effort so that we're not just doing something in vain? something that is a dead end and it looks like it's making us happy but actually doesn't lead anywhere. So then we have to look at our ambitions and our work and so forth. So in order to reconcile this problem, we have to see that there are two levels

[13:16]

of understanding our life. And so this is, in Buddhism, is called the two truths, the basis of the two truths, as you know, right? The absolute truth and the relative truth. The relative truth is the truth of life as we live it in the realm of circumstances. As we see our activities, and it's the dualistic world, actually, the world of yes and no, right and wrong, good and bad, birth and death and so forth.

[14:21]

This is the phenomenal world. There is that truth. The truth that yes, I was born in a certain time and I died in a certain time. That's worldly truth. Phenomenal truth, but it's limited truth. It's only truth within the circumstances or within our view, our partial view. It's not the whole truth or the absolute truth. So when the absolute truth is that although it looks like I was born at a certain time and I died at a certain time, that's not The whole truth is that there is no birth and death in an absolute sense because it's only transformation and continuation and cycles of transformations and continuations.

[15:34]

And all you have to do is look around you at nature to see that that's true. So in the phenomenal dualistic realm where we actually live our life we have worldly ambitions because this is the arena or the stage our life is played out actually on two levels at the same time. So, if we want to understand our life and live our life in accordance with absolute reality, then we pay attention to the bigger picture. And we live our life according to the rules of the bigger picture.

[16:42]

But mostly we get caught by the dualistic world without penetrating the foundation of reality or truth. So people simply get stuck in vain pursuits because these pursuits are not in accord or not in harmony with the underlying reality. So we have what we call fads, and everybody gets attracted by the fads, so to speak, or certain kinds of advancements in the thinking process called science. investigations into the earth and so forth, the nature of the earth, some of which are based on truth and some which are simply based on fads, what's popular.

[18:10]

So we're born into this world, we appear in this world, and then we have to do something. So we have our various ways of doing something, which is called our career, or our job, or our interests. and we work out our life through these channels. But the channels, although they keep us interested in life and provide a way to keep ourselves fed and clothed and supported and so forth,

[19:13]

The main thing, the main reason for them is as channels to help us to discover reality. So there are two things going on at the same time. One level of our life is our work and our play and our family life and our so forth and politics. And then the other level is the deeper level, which is the reality of our life, the deeper reality of our life. The second truth, which is the bigger truth, which is the non-dualistic reality of our life, that our life is not simply playing out on the stage the drama of our life but it's much deeper and that the vehicle that we choose is simply a vehicle for working out

[20:42]

the deeper drama of our life. So, you know, when you look around, you see some people are born into wealthy circumstances, some people are born into poor circumstances, some people are born into a war, some people are born into peaceful circumstances. Everyone is born into a different circumstance. But each one has to work out their own salvation, it's called. How you find the deepest truth of your life. so we get caught by the vehicle.

[21:49]

And we think that the vehicle is what our life is about without paying attention often to the deeper aspect of what the meaning of our life is. So, so our life goes on on these two different levels, and we have to pay attention to both of them. You can't ignore your our life circumstances, what the drama of our life is, we can't ignore that. But it's not about getting rich, owning property, having a family, or having children, or loving and hating.

[23:00]

It's not about any of those things, really. although it's not not about those things. It is about those things, but if it's only about those things, then we're missing something. We're missing the deeper meaning of our life. So each one of us responds to the circumstances that we are confronted with. We're each confronted with a set of circumstances and how we respond to those circumstances is if we respond to those circumstances seeking the deeper truth of our life, then those circumstances are the forms of our practice.

[24:03]

Then it all makes sense. Because whatever we do, whatever circumstances we're in, is a vehicle for practice. So, then it's all one piece. The two truths are one truth. the truth of the circumstances of our life are not in vain because the activities that we do may end when this life is over but they're meaningful in that those were a vehicle, those circumstances were a vehicle for bringing us to reality.

[25:06]

So what really matters is not what happens when the great conflagration burns up the universe or the world or whatever, but how we act right now. You know, if what we do now determines what will happen next. So the most important thing is what we do now. How we live our life right now so that it's not vanity. So this is called, there's a term, One of the doors of liberation, the three doors of liberation, the third one is called aimlessness.

[26:38]

Aparahita, aimless, to be aimless. Aimlessness sounds like laziness. The near enemy of aimlessness is laziness. But aimlessness means that you don't have anything special to do. But whatever comes up, you respond to. So if one has the bodhisattva vow, one is always aware of responding to circumstances from that vow. But there's no self-centered response to circumstances.

[27:49]

Ambition. There's no self-centered ambition. It's like the cat waiting for the mouse. The cat doesn't have anything to do. Cats really don't have anything, they're pretty good at this. But when the mouse, when they know the mouse is in the hole. So. And when the mouse comes out of the hole, bing. So this is the attitude of one who is aimless. not doing something special for yourself, for your own self-gratification, not building great things for your self-gratification, but simply having nothing to do.

[29:15]

And having nothing to do means that you can see what really needs to be done. And then you, when that thing that needs to be done appears, you know what it is and you do it without hesitation. It's sometimes called not having anything in the bottom of the heart, not having anything special, not leaning one way or not leaning the other way. but totally in harmony with things. So when there's nothing to do, just enjoying not doing anything. You know, often when, I mean sometimes, we don't have anything to do in our busy lives, and then, well, what do I do now?

[30:28]

I have to do something, I have to do something. because we have to keep that continuity going in order to keep our lives in order. Keep the rhythm of our lives going. But just to be able to just, when there's nothing to do, to just not do something. That's doing something. There's no such thing as not doing anything, really. Not doing something is doing something. But it's not looking for something to do in order to keep the continuity going. It's like people are having a heated conversation and then suddenly nobody has anything to say and there's an embarrassing silence. That wonderful embarrassing silence, you know, is a great treasure, actually. But we say, oh, well, what do I do now? What do I say now? How can I fill this gap? But it's wonderful, just let the silence be there.

[31:29]

Because when the silence is there, nobody has anything to say, and the truth is right there. But we have to cover it up with our drama. So the drama is a covering. Sometimes, you know, things get very confusing and very tight and disorderly. And to just be able to stop and let everything fall apart, it's a really good idea. This is, you know, in the five ranks of Dozan, this is the fifth rank. Like the old man who has nothing special to do.

[32:34]

But you don't have to be an old man to get there. There's a word called eschatology. You know that word? I've heard that word many times, but I never really knew what it meant. But it means the idea of ending, how things end, what is the meaning of the ending of life. So the study of what's the meaning of the ending of life. So this... And Koan falls into that category, sort of, eschatology of what's the meaning of when the great fire at the end of the Kalpa comes, what will happen.

[33:45]

But if we have nothing to do, don't worry about it. So we do worry a lot about things, you know, endlessly. worry. We get caught up in our worrying, very much so. And there are many things in the world that are terrible and encroaching and frightening and we have to pay attention to. But at the same time, These circumstances are a vehicle for our practice. They're terrible things, but they're only, you know, if you only see them as terrible things, then that's getting caught by them.

[34:55]

They are a vehicle for our practice. when you have to confront these circumstances, how will you do that in order to maintain your integrity, your honesty, and your sense of reality, and your sense of freedom? freedom from falling into despair. You know, true freedom is how you find your freedom in any circumstances, whether you're incarcerated or sick or alone or suffering or whatever.

[36:01]

How do you find your freedom? This is what Zazen is about. This is what Sashin is about. How do you find your freedom from your suffering? How do you find your freedom within the pain in your legs? How do you find your freedom within the schedule without having to do your own thing? Zazen is the most confined kind of activity you can do. There are more extreme positions, but not many. You put yourself in a position and then you don't move. So, and whatever comes up has to be resolved within the conditions.

[37:09]

This is the basis of our whole life. Without running away from conditions. People sometimes think, oh, you guys must be there escaping from life. They should try it. How do you stay there with it and resolve it within yourself? And you can, you can find freedom within the circumstances, and you can find the freedom. If you can do that, you can find the freedom within any circumstances. So even though we continue to have problems and troubles, our problems will never end. Sorry, they won't.

[38:15]

This reminds me of Suzuki Roshi saying, The problems you have now will be the problems you will always have. I remember when he'd say that, we'd say, oh, don't say that. But it's a similar statement to this. Problems you have now will be the problem. The weak person will always be a weak person. A strong person will always be a strong person. It's interesting. You may think, well, I'm a weak person now, but you mean I can't get strong? That's not exactly what it means. It means that within being a weak person, you can find your freedom. Within being a strong person, you can find your strength. If you can find your freedom within being, true freedom within being a weak person, then you'll be a strong person.

[39:21]

If you can find your freedom being a strong person, it will be okay to be a weak person. Yeah. What is freedom? Freedom from yourself. That's freedom. Freedom means being free from self. We usually think of freedom as the freedom to do anything we want. Free country. We can do anything we want. But in Buddhadharma, true freedom means freedom from self-centeredness. It's just kind of like the opposite. Freedom from being caught by ourself, by our delusions, freedom from delusion, freedom from too much desire, freedom from suffering.

[40:36]

It means how to be free within any, to not get caught by anything, how to be free from our own creation, free from our own creations, and free within the circumstances that we find ourself, no matter what happens. That's called being free to turn around. So if you can find your peace or your stillness, you know, stillness is the basic nature of everything. And then when there's some movement, vibration, then there's activity, and activity spirals up out of stillness.

[42:03]

But then when the momentum is gone, everything comes back to stillness. So stillness is the basis. And activity is its expression. So to always be in a still place means to be in the center of the universe. And then activity arises out of that, and then we come back to stillness. And so we know what that stillness is. Through zazen, we understand what that place is. And then no matter what our circumstances are, we're always sitting in stillness. Everything we do is us in. So when we have that basic reality of stillness,

[43:13]

we can find our place everywhere. Because we carry, like a snail, we carry our home wherever we go. We're always at home wherever we are. That's why it's important when we sit Zazen to really sit with strength. Strength means Hold attention. And when we say don't move, it doesn't mean not to wiggle or whatever. It means don't be upset by anything. Don't let anything overturn you. But not by resisting. Resistance will, you know, if whatever it is you resist will conquer you. As soon as you resist, you set up an opposition.

[44:24]

And the opposition, and as strong as your resistance is, the opposition is just as strong. So then you say, I can't do this anymore. So you have to let go of resistance. You have to let go of your opposition. You're just fighting yourself. And you're just as strong as you are. You're just as strong as you are. You just have to open up and be aimless. You're not trying to do something, you're simply letting things be. You know, there's always the stories of the Zen masters who, when confronted with either emperors or bandits said, okay, if you wanna cut off my head, it's okay.

[45:26]

We don't like that. Who wants to do that? But when that happens, what are you gonna do? Plead? It doesn't help. Pleading doesn't help in that case. You just have to say, okay, How will you do that? This is the place where you have to get to that makes the vehicle of your life meaningful. And that truth can turn things. Pleading will not turn anything. But by totally offering and letting go, can change and turn things.

[46:34]

But you can't do it for that purpose. Because that's just another kind of pleading. So, you know, our worldly ambitions and our projects and our life work and so forth is all important. Everything that we do is important if it's a vehicle for our understanding of reality and right conduct and the Eightfold Path.

[47:39]

You know, we work that all out in our life work. Then our life work has some meaning. But otherwise, it's just vanity. And what happens at the end of the kalpa? It starts all over again. Everything starts at the beginning of, the end of one thing is the beginning of another. But you don't know what that new thing is. So aimlessness is actually being open to what's next. We want assurance. We wanna make sure that everything's gonna go a certain way so that it will turn out exactly the way we would like it to be and so forth, but it never does. Of course not. It just doesn't come out that way. So to just be open, you do your best to go in a certain direction. But you have to be totally open and aimless so that whatever comes up as inevitable, that's what you accept.

[48:53]

And then you don't have so much pain and suffering. That's called the end of suffering, actually. Do you want to have a question? Alan? The way I remember the Suzuki Roshi quote, which fits in with what you've been talking about, is that there was a phrase or a conditional phrase that led into it that was something like, so long as you want something, the problem you have something like that.

[49:57]

I'm not quite sure I got it right. Well, I could have said it both ways. I said it several times. It's what you've been talking about. Yeah. Nyogin Sensaki, when he talked about this koan, said, if someone would come and ask me that question now, I would take him to the merry-go-round. And I would say, anytime you want to get off, So you just step down and it's okay.

[50:29]

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