Good afternoon. So, please tell me something about your experience of this koan, your relationship to this koan, or your engagement. No, no. We talked about our practice where understanding doesn't reach. That was the entirety of your practice. I'm just kidding. I can't say. I can't say. This is a perfect answer. And so...

[01:17]

understand something, we found that we have to sort of put it outside of ourselves to describe it, understand it, look at it. This contains a sense of separation. Und das, wo unsere Praxis hinreicht, also unsere Praxis, wo das Verstehen nicht hinreicht, This can only be expressed partly in pictures or in poems. The expression or practice beyond understanding can only be expressed in poems or in images, pictures. Of course, we have, there is already a feeling for, if you can call it a museum, that was not quite clear, but something that goes there, so to speak, which allows us to be here, which is really not really expressible.

[02:43]

Something, there is a sort of, let's say a longing sometimes, something that would let us be here, that is probably not so appreciable. My personal picture, I would describe it as to eat when you have no mouth or to do something when you have no hands. This is what it's about. I hope you're not hungry. Enough cake. Okay. Someone else. Yes. In some sense, I found this question for me to be unfortunate.

[03:54]

Oh. Or maybe I could say that my response was unfortunate. Or do you have a suggestion on how to say unfortunate? Unfortunate is okay. Not satisfying. So I... Because my answer was that I cannot reach any activity and practice with reasoning or with understanding. But that answer is a bit undifferentiated. So, what's the question about? So that you say that. Let's see if some more differentiation appears.

[05:03]

Okay, yeah. For me, understanding is important in practice. Not that I think that I can really understand things, but that's why it's important, because for me there are such small bridges that give me a track for a new space that I can then emotionally decide. And not because I think that I could really understand each thing, but it's more like small bridges that lie out, that set a track for me, or that are like a track for me, so that then I can find a new space for me. So in that sense the way it works is that first of all I try to intellectually understand.

[06:12]

And then search processes are triggered that also sink down further inside and also elicit a deeper understanding. And then sometimes I also have the feeling of knowing something that I don't understand. In our group we did not get much further in answering the question, but we got stuck with the question, what is practice for us? And we covered a very wide territory of practice beginning with everything is practice.

[07:40]

And practice is a sentient space. And non-interfering and non-interfering. Disturbing. Disturbing, okay. Or as Richard said, to know without understanding. Sensing, maybe. Or also what Suzuki Roshi describes as a practice Or as Suzuki Roshi puts it, that practice is something like walking through fog and then with the years or throughout the years you get... Soaked through. Yeah. Soaked through. Yeah. It happens quicker than years.

[08:47]

Particularly around here. Okay. Oh, good. Yeah, I've been waiting. It's taken a long time. This seminar. No. there are enough other people who could speak. Oh, really? Oh, okay. When I read this choir for the first time in a week, it touched me very much. It has a lot of resistance or resonance in every point. When I read this koan for the first time a few weeks ago, it really touched me and I found a lot of resonance for it, or it found a lot of resonance within me. and also touched me in a very painful way and also related to a very deep pain within me that I'm familiar with.

[10:08]

Yesterday in the tea show and yesterday in the seminar there was the same pain, a very deep pain that just lingers. It's like if you put a finger in the wound And yesterday during Taisho and during the seminar, this really deep pain was there again. And it's like putting a finger in a wound. And of course everything that Yoroshi said about the koan is something I would not have guessed at all that it's in there. But at the same time there is a very deep resonance within me for that.

[11:11]

For the koan or for what I said? For both. And then you said that you put it in a connection. For me it's like a secret, this core, although it seems so familiar to me, where so much has developed for me. So for me this koan is like a secret and even though it feels very familiar to me it leads me into a territory that I don't know anything about and that also I'm afraid of.

[12:19]

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster since yesterday, it goes up and down with me and I can't reach it at all. Why do I say that? Because I really have the feeling that something is happening to me, and I also try to let it happen, something that I cannot understand, where I am in a different relationship. And it feels a lot like being in a holocausta for me. It's going up and down and all these things happen that I don't understand and I'm trying to follow them as good as I can. because I know this pain but I don't understand it what in the koan touches the pain the verse first of all

[13:34]

Mm-hmm. And can you say something about your fear? Mm-hmm. Yeah. There's this feeling that I don't have a choice and that I have to walk along on this path where I don't know where it will lead me to. Yeah, we don't know. It's true. It's not so bad, though. You know, I would suggest this comes up quite often in relationship to other aspects of practice for you.

[14:46]

I would take just these two doorways, fear and pain. And in zazen I would take one or the other. And kind of just, maybe you do this already, but just welcome it or ask or just be willing to approach it. Or willing to let it approach you. But doing it with some sort of secure feeling. And if you lose this secure feeling, then I'd stop.

[15:49]

Or lessen. Someone else. I'd like to say something to the word sensing, as Gerald also alluded to, and it's something that I'm concerned with for a few weeks now already. And the German word Gespür has part of the word also, it relates to the word track. Track. Yeah, or trace. The path, trace, yeah. And throughout the last month something opened up for me.

[16:53]

When I was reading sentences out of koans that the words that were used that they triggered a physical trace or a kind of direction Trace is what you leave behind. Track is what could be behind or ahead. So more direction. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, thanks. Yeah. Someone else. For me, practice works into the opposite direction as it seems to do for Richard.

[18:22]

Up to now I have worked a lot with phrases. and I selected the phrases according to what spoke with me or what appealed to me. because I trusted that if it appeals to me then it must find resonance within me and it works even though I might not understand why. It is important even though I don't know why. And in working with phrases I hesitate to say work because what I want to do is hold the word in body and mind.

[19:42]

But all I can have is the intention and I can't do much more about it. and my experience is that then this phrase that this phrase or experience the sentence comes up in particular situations and that they make me stop or pause so that I don't react in my normal automatism. So that then I won't react within my usual automatism.

[21:03]

And that helps me to take my habits into account and then, when it happens more often, to find out what the underlying views are. And then that helps me to notice my habits first and then find out what the underlying views are. And of course that part I'm doing with my thinking, reasoning or understanding. But what I don't understand is when this appears and I also notice that a lot has changed within me and when it changed.

[22:15]

Yeah, but I can only notice the change, but why or how, I don't know. Are you interested in why or how? Not so much. No, that's good. Is that so different, Ricard? I don't find this to be so different. Yeah, okay. Yes? So in our group, basically, more or less, all of us spoke about two things, how we understand. Were you in the English group? Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

[23:17]

Do you translate yourself? More or less everybody clearly expressed two levels of understanding of reaching. And pretty much everyone has expressed two different levels of understanding. From both words. And if we start with understanding, everyone has noticed that he has difficulties with the conscious understanding of practice or with any kind of understanding at all.

[24:42]

For example, we could not understand the posture of the sadhana, we could not understand the states of mind, we could not understand the time context. And then by trying to put more light on the word practice, then we made a provisional boundary. So we said there is activity and there is a practice. And then we tried to illuminate the word practice more closely. Once we said there is activity and then there is practice. activity in the broader sense than practice.

[26:06]

Practice is a special activity. We notice that for the practice you can have two understandings of the word practice. One would be the understanding of the practice where you do something, use the work, where you have to perform. One is the understanding that you practice by doing something, something that you perform or do. And the second would be to simply practice without the feeling of performing or doing something.

[27:12]

And there's a few interesting points. For example, in our Sangha comes very often the point of first practice and then after. In Budapest? Yes. Yeah. But it comes from traditional. First practice and after I understand. Okay. Oh, good, thank you. Yes, how much? In the chapter on posture in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, Suzuki Roshi expresses in a very few sentences what this topic is about in a very precise way. I'll rephrase that in my own words now.

[28:38]

He says you try to understand and attain or reach the right or correct state of mind. But there is no necessity to do that. Because this posture itself expresses the right state of mind that is the right state of mind. And to sit with such understanding is an activity that is before understanding or ahead of understanding. Okay. Thanks. So the question of what phrases or sentences wasn't part of the seminar, much?

[29:55]

Not this question. What? The activity. It was only the activity. You didn't bring up what phrases. Yes, that's the only subject of this. Because we also talked about, Otmar and I, what phrases or what aspects of the koan do you find yourself in relationship to? So I'd like you to think about that. Think about that. Tomorrow we have an afternoon off. I'll miss you. We'll have an informal gathering here for the serious... No, no. So, yes, Uli? I don't think the English group And I was blasting in the opening, very obvious.

[31:05]

This is basic, stable Buddhist food. Since we eat every day our food, rice, we chant the Prajnaparamita, which is saying, beyond words, beyond thought, beyond description, it can't be experienced without, can only be experienced without wisdom. So this is basic Buddhist food, that there is something which you cannot understand. conceptually or intellectually. But there is a way to realize. So the same basic thing we did before we did is be aware of the illusion of ourselves. So that means this is our very basic food. So we have to accept that that means The non-finding is the supreme finding, indeed, and therefore I have to be content with this part of my practice which I can understand knowingly.

[32:10]

But there is an understanding which is sometimes called the inner standing. That means a way of realising, staying with that activity which is the basis of which we are engaged to. That's our . So it cannot be, a meditation cannot be made, but I can make the circumstances that it can happen. So I can go as far as create the situation for . and then let it happen. And with this happiness happening, I go into the activity of everyday life, like now, here in this driving moment. Then my whole thing, the awareness of nowness is the real Buddha, which is what is the basis and the truth, and that's what it's all about.

[33:21]

Talking about what the philosophical fitter said then. viewpoints is only that we have something to talk, but the main thing is the silent we will hear in this moment. What I understood when you said there is transmission happening in that encounter of the silent we, where on top we talk about our different views, but this is secondary. The main thing is the here and now. Thank you. Uli? Oh, you didn't say that in Deutsch. I can say that in Dutch. Well, because I had... Our session ended very joyfully for my experience.

[34:25]

In English. In English, not in German yet. So, English is okay. So, Uli? Then I may dare to embarrass myself in saying that I sang a song about this. And this is because, to bring that into us, the new rendering of that poem in a very modern form, which is following that old song, Yesterday of the Deity. Yesterday, when the Buddhas were there, everything was fine. But we are here now, yesterday. So yesterday is another word for ever-present moment, for the here and now, for the being and the sasa. And we try to realize that yesterday, being aware of the everlasting body of here and now, realizing Revealing the illusion of the ego, realizing Vajra Parangita, the mother of all the Buddhas, or call it by many other names.

[35:41]

This is to define yesterday. That means the sound will be as follows. I'm not a singer, but I put that into yesterday. Yesterday. All my chocolates are so far away. Now it looks as though they stay away. Oh, I believe in yesterday. Now it looks as though they stay away. Suddenly I know what a man I used to be. There's no more shadow, courts of doubt hanging over me. Oh, yesterday came suddenly. I asked why. Of course why. It had to change, now I know. And let me say, I had the illusion of an ego. Is something wrong? Now I long. Now, then you ask what comes from this.

[36:53]

Just the rain. Love to be in such an easy rain. Now I need no place to hide away. Yes, I have trusted yesterday. Why it had to do with wrong? Why it had to change? Now I know and let me say. I need something wrong. Now I long for yesterday. Not to be in such an easy way. Now I have a place where I can stay because I trust in yesterday. This is dedicated to the fearless lion of awareness, Pekka Roshi, Paul McCartney, the girl Vajna from the Dhyana, which recently from time to time, but no visa, she had to go back all the time. And this is... Put down by Fritz, not the cat. Fritz, not the cat.

[38:09]

John Lennon said, life is something that happens while you're making other plans. Yes, silly. Oh, fancy. I would like to try to speak about again the activity of my practice where my understanding does not reach. And the word understanding I would use in such a way that I say there is something coming to stand or also in activity, it comes from very deep down, from a dark area or something that I do not understand. and I understand the word understanding and that something comes to stand from very deep down inside and it comes to stand in a kind of darkness that I do not understand.

[39:21]

This morning you spoke about how we practice together, how we are together in the broadcast, with the ritual, This morning you talked about how we practice together in the Zendo and the rituals that that also can be embarrassing. And in our group we also talked about that and then we agreed upon that it's embarrassing maybe because or embarrassing or painful also because it's something very intimate. I would like to share a story with you that results from my practice of bowing, or that's at least how I understand it, even though I can't really explain it.

[40:23]

There was a time when I made quite a few rejections and one of my visualizations was that I have father to the right and mother to the left while I bend over and take refuge. There was a time when I did a lot of full bows and one of my visualizations then was that I have my father to my right side and my mother to my left side while I'm doing the full bows and frustrations and take refuge. Take refuge? And in getting up again there was the assumption that it's already healed or it's already transformed. And now this was nine years ago when I went with my father who was 71 back then.

[41:41]

I went with him to Namibia on the tracks of my grandfather who was there. My grandfather was a soldier there as a very young man. We visited many places of murder and terror together, my father and I. My grandfather was there as a soldier, as a young soldier, and my father and I visited a lot of places of murder and ... Holocaust. Holocaust, yeah. Atrocities. Atrocities, yeah. And we also went to the place where my grandfather was an English prisoner of war with a lot of other soldiers.

[42:44]

There was a place where there was just desert. There was nothing but burning sun and hot sand. And we also had my grandfather's diary with us and also pictures and we could see. We could see that the prisoners who were there back then, that they used cans to build themselves refuges or little huts to, sheds to, shelters to... And the food that they had came in these cans and they wanted to protect themselves from the sun.

[44:02]

And in the night after that, my father and I were in a hut very far away, also on the edge of the desert, to spend the night. And my father got an attack from... and that night me and my father went in order to stay the night in a hut that was quite close by and during that night my father had an attack of helplessness and of anger and it was almost like a heart attack And that night I stayed with him and I by no means were worried about him being harmed physically or having physical problems. And deep knowledge and also deep trust into the healing that happened that night results from having engaged in this practice of the prostrations.

[45:31]

that I was able to look there and to make this journey and to accompany him. That I was able to look at that and that I traveled with him and was able to accompany him. But this understanding or this explanation I first discovered when I was here with you But this understanding I could only discover when I did here with you the full bows in front of Kuan Yin. And for me also the times come together there or meet there, past, present and future. But that's an experience that there's no way that I can explain it to myself or to anybody else.

[46:53]

And if I should relate that to one of the sentences in the Quran that I've been studying for a few weeks. Then that would be the phrase that comes at the very end of the verse. Going into a wide field, not choosing. Thank you. Vielen Dank. Thank you. Well, maybe we can have one more person, and then maybe if we're going to have some time, I should say something. Maybe I'll go look at the koan a little bit with you. Yes. I'm used to always wanting to explain everything and that has also always been my need.

[48:22]

I've noticed. And something has crucially changed there. Now I really enjoy when I can cope with some kind of explanation and when something stays open or inconclusive. Yes, inconclusive. And I'm sure that I would have abandoned this practice that we are doing here together now already a while ago if everything was very transient to me.

[49:25]

And somehow that doesn't only make it thrilling but also fresh and Hopeful and there's a lot of change in it. And there are two spots in the koan that really appeal to me. First sentence, which is, when a single mold of dust arises, the whole earth is contained within it. Because that carries the feeling that every single detail that we do, that has a lot of potential.

[50:34]

and the second is the case itself that shows me that the here and now where the sanctuary could be created that that is everywhere that can happen everywhere And somehow I feel within that quite a huge responsibility but also a lot of hope and a lot of potential. And I'm very unclear about where all of that should lead to or can lead to. Okay, yeah.

[51:51]

As soon as a single mote of dust arises, this is, you know, there's three schools that have contributed most, I mean, there's early Buddhism, that's the basis for Zen, and then the Yogacara, Majamaka, and Hua Yan schools are the, really, where Zen has come from. And, you know, in the early Buddhism, in Chinese Buddhism there wasn't much difference, so much difference between the schools. And one of the reasons was they were all based on the same translations made from Sanskrit and Pali. So they all had basically the same materials to work from.

[53:52]

But over the years, emphases developed. But as a whole, Buddhism, you know, there's some sort of exceptions, but on the whole, Buddhism is all of one piece. And, you know, scholars, scholars, when they look at Buddhism, they often... What they see is the development of the schools. And then what they notice over centuries, you know, sort of differentiation and perhaps the differentiation is based on competition between the schools and things.

[54:56]

And in general, they give way too much emphasis to that. And that's, you know, like Dogen says in this, three worlds are Only mind, mind only. You can't even talk about the three worlds unless you separate yourself from the three worlds, like you were saying. It's like, you know, Tibetan Buddhism describes itself as Vajrayana. And so there's Hinayana and Mahayana and then the highest is Vajrayana. And within Vajrayana, Mahamudra and Dzogchen are the highest.

[56:08]

But when we're practicing here, we don't think about what's the highest, is Vajrayana the highest, are we the highest? I mean, maybe beginners think that way, but when you're practicing, you don't have time to think that way. Is this the highest teaching? I don't know. I barely understand what I'm doing. So we're developing a school. I mean, already I would say that there's some difference between the Dharma Sangha practice and some other Zen practices, even coming from students. But we're not motivated by competition. We're motivated by just trying to develop our practice together.

[57:14]

So my point is that mostly we all are working with the same material. But here what you see in this phrase is, you know, that Gerhard pointed out particularly, As you see the Hua Yen teaching, early Buddhism emphasizes interdependence, and later Buddhism, and Hua Yen in particular, emphasizes interpenetration. Yeah, so we can say, as soon as a single mote of dust arises, the whole earth is contained therein. So this is not the drop of water merging with the ocean.

[58:40]

This is the whole ocean in the drop. This emphasis on inner penetration is the Huayen way of thinking. With a single horse and a single lance the land is extended. And then we can ask, what kind of activity is that? Who is the person who can be master in any place? And meet the source in everything. Okay. You know, when those of you who use a Zagu, a bowing cloth, Some of them are different, but anyway, basically it's a mandala. And so you... You fold it over so you actually, there's a mandala sewed into it, but you make the mandala by how you fold it back upon itself.

[60:04]

And sometimes in certain ceremonies you keep it completely opened out. Yeah, but still there's a sense that you're making the mandala. And that's understood to be the Bodhi Mandala, which is the sanctuary which is in every location. So the shape of this cloth and the use of it is this expression, this wayan sense of at each point the sanctuary or enlightenment can occur. Now, I was trying to think of examples that relate to this activity which we do but we don't necessarily understand.

[61:06]

Yeah, and I thought of Warren Buffett. He was the most famous and successful investor in America. I'm sure if you asked him, do you understand the stock market, he'd say no. But he's extremely skillful at participating in the stock market. So he knows a lot about the stock market. And he acts on that knowledge, but he doesn't understand the stock market. And excuse me for mentioning Annette. You, Annette, she, you spoke about it, have cancer. And I had cancer five years ago or so.

[62:31]

And you probably can't say you understand cancer. But you're participating in the treatment and in your acceptance and your anxiety and your tiredness and so forth. So the question is really, you know how do we enter our circumstances? And that's what this koan is asking. Yeah, and Of course we're in the midst of our circumstances, whether we like it or not.

[63:32]

But how do our circumstances become our activity? Now the words I'm using are kind of clumsy, but I'm doing the best I can. Marie-Louise says to me, doing the best you can is no excuse. It's very helpful to have a spouse. I guess. And I think, you know, examining... So we have to start out in this kind of clumsy or even primitive way, like, what do we mean by understanding, or where understanding doesn't reach, etc.

[64:38]

You know, Dogen is one of the most creative... teachers of Buddhism. At least I don't know all the Tibetan exemplifiers of Buddhism. But certainly in the Zen world, Dogen is probably the most creative teacher since Nagarjuna. And he always worked from his own understanding, not just from the sutras.

[65:41]

And he said, don't let the sutras turn you, you turn the sutras. And so he made up words and changed things around, etc. And the phrase used, the equivalent to nirvana, is the other shore. Yeah. And the word, I think in Japanese, higan... Tohigan means to go to the other shore. To reach the other shore. And in early Buddhism that was considered to take many lifetimes.

[66:52]

And Dogen simply switched them around. Instead of Tohigan, he said Higan Toh. and suddenly it becomes the other shore is always arriving or the nirvana has arrived or the other shore has arrived it's a very different understanding and it's again what's the kind of understanding that's in this koan As the world-honored one was walking with the congregation, he pointed to the ground and they specifically say, with his finger.

[67:54]

And the whole sense of mudras is in that. And the finger pointing at the moon and all that stuff. He said, this spot is good to build a sanctuary. And it was extremely good luck that Indra, the emperor of the gods, happened to be around. And he took a blade of grass and stuck it in the ground and said the sanctuary is built. And the blade of grass has lots of resonances in Buddhist and Zen teachings. Although you do not hear it, do not hinder that which hears it.

[68:56]

Although you do not hear it, do not hinder that which hears it. I think it's he who found his teacher by following the way the grass was going. In other words, how do you make use of a situation Oder in anderen Worten, wie kannst du eine Situation verwenden? Wie kannst du den Brauch von einer Situation machen? I think the third century.

[70:15]

Supposedly in a fold of the robe of the Buddha. They found a prediction that the Buddha would, written on a piece of paper, that the Buddha would last only 180 years and I think in the 6th century it was destroyed. So it was the most famous Buddha of the... the biggest Buddha in China up to that time. Some say it was 16 foot and some records say it was 18 feet. But anyway, it was big, going to the top of the nimbus.

[71:18]

And it was so light that there was lots of mythology about it. It would shine with light and light would emanate from it. And supposedly every now and then he would walk into town and teach people and then walk back and get back on his stand. I've seen it happen in the Zendo here. In any case, it was a famous kind of image with lots of mythology about it, so it represented something extraordinary.

[72:31]

I forgot the last sentence. It was an important image with a lot of mythology around it? Yeah. Okay. And so Dogen used it quite often to say, for example, a blade of grass becomes a 16-foot Buddha. That's like each spot is the Bodhi Mandala. And dust, you know, there's another thing here. It's not a grain of sand, it's a mote of dust. And the whole question of dust, the way it's used in here, brings up the teaching that it's not just the emptiness of the person, it's also the emptiness of phenomena.

[73:33]

So this also then brings up what's our relationship, in various ways it brings up, what's our relationship to our experience and the interaction with phenomena as experience. And in many ways it also brings the question to what is our relationship to our experience and what is our relationship to the phenomenon, to the interaction with the phenomenon. So I suppose I shouldn't go on any further, but in other words, how are we present in this situation?

[74:44]

And present not through understanding, but present through, let's say, an activity of mindfulness, But what mind is beyond the activity of mindfulness? What if we imagine this room was full of water right now? Yeah, but we could feel the water. Yeah, there's air and space. But to use the metaphor of water, if we could feel how the water was... If I move my hand, I feel the water. What mind can penetrate the situation or be part of the situation the way water would be part of the situation?

[75:58]

And then that mind can we trust to be refuge. And in a practical sense, lead to the transmission of the teaching. And lead to the establishment of Johanneshof. And our own practice in our lives. So this question, Cohen is not just asking... How are we... I don't know how to put it.

[77:08]

How are we... It's not just pointing out that we're part of our circumstances. But it's trying to suggest how and in what way we can be part of our circumstances. We already are part of our circumstances. But how do we become part of our circumstances so that our circumstances guide us? Aber wie können wir so Teil unserer Umstände werden, dass unsere Umstände uns führen? Oder dass die Aktivität für sich selbst denkt. Oder das andere Ufer kommt immer an. Das genügt. I wish my English were better.

[78:13]

I can't quite make it do what I want.

[78:15]

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