It's really, it's good to see you as phantoms on this screen. But I feel you're all out there. Today, we're having an online session, which goes from 7.30 in the morning until 2.30 in the afternoon. And then, as usual, we open at 10.15 for a public Dharma talk. But we're going to continue sitting. And I'd just like to plug that. We have Uh, if you look on the BCC website, we have now, uh, these sesheen or half day sesheen events scheduled through January.

[01:02]

And, uh, I want to make sure. So very bad that we recording is record happening. Okay. Uh, and, uh, we're going to try a three day. virtual session in December, a quasi rohatsu session, but we're scheduling that later in the month so that people who are working, people who are teachers can attend. And, you know, it's in a certain way, It's not exactly that all bets are off, but we're really trying to adapt our schedule so that people can attend, so people can fit it into their life. Some of us are working, some of us are not, but we're working together to sustain our practice.

[02:06]

So I'd like to encourage you, feel free to write me or Marybeth or Kika, who's the other session director, Uh, if you want information about doing this and encourage you to participate in that. So, um, today I want to talk about being Bodhisattvas and, uh, we're all called to do this at this moment. You know, this is our life in the time of pandemic. The COVID-19 virus is spreading and it's actually, we've never finished the first wave and it's trending upwards for a variety of reasons, which I won't.

[03:09]

explicate because I don't fully understand it, but it is trending upwards still. The virus of racism is rampant in this country. I think because of a spirit that has been unleashed by in many ways by the government. It's not that racism didn't exist previously. But it's like the lid has been taken off of it. And, you know, on the one hand, there's some awful things that are happening, and some violent things, repressive things. And on the other hand, the reality is being seen by people across the country and good people are trying to figure out what we want to do in response to that.

[04:27]

I would say and I think many of you experienced this personally that the other shoe of the economic crisis is is dropping or is about to drop or already has dropped. One way or other, we see its shadow over our heads. I think, you know, and I grieve about how this affects many of us personally. And just in the last week, I've been hearing about Buddhist centers centers that are run by friends and peers and in just about every lineage you're hearing about teachers and communities that are having to let go of their centers that they're closing them because particularly in urban places they

[05:37]

It's very difficult to afford the rent on spaces that are sitting unused, unattended. And while they're unused and unattended, the income streams are significantly down. And so they're closing their doors, which is, at least for now, which is really tragic. And this is true for some small places, but it's also true for a couple of larger places that I've been hearing about. I think just to reassure you, I think that we are, Berkeley Zen Center is relatively stable financially for the, certainly for the foreseeable future. I'm sitting with the treasurers right over there. I'm looking over in her direction but I think we're okay but that's because we've been very fortunate and wise in how we marshaled our resources and we have no mortgage and we own this place and our expenses are relatively low but I really feel for my friends who built some beautiful places and they're really thinking about shutting the doors.

[06:59]

So given all of that, what does it mean to be a Bodhisattva? We have these vows, which we're going to recite at the end of the talk, but they're very familiar. They're really imprinted on our minds. Beings are numberless. I vow to awaken with them. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Every one of these vows incorporates within it an impossible conundrum. If beings are numberless, how can I vow to awaken them all? If delusions are inexhaustible, well, how can I come to the end of them?

[08:09]

And so on and so forth. But this is our vow. It's like to dream the impossible dream. That's what we're doing. And the practice of these vows brings to mind words that are ascribed to Suzuki Roshi. And I remember for years, I have a notebook where I keep notes and a kind of diary from time to time. And it seems like every volume of that, every time I get a new book, I inscribe this on the first page, these words from Suzuki Roshi. Life is like stepping onto a boat. which is about to sail out to sea and sink. Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to set out, which is about to sail out to sea and sink.

[09:18]

It turns out I was researching this. There's a kind of backstory. I haven't found the place where Suzuki Roshi actually said this. evidently, this is, it's kind of a famous expression. That's not easy to track down. But this is what happened to many of the monks who set out from Japan, who really wanted to learn Zen. They would sit out in a boat and in order to travel to China and the boat would go out to sea and sink. So it was very difficult to bring the Dharma back to Japan and very difficult to bring the Dharma from Japan to us.

[10:20]

And yet these dedicated people, Dogen did this, Suzuki Roshi did this, Maezumi Roshi, Copenhino Roshi, Okamura Roshi. We are in great debt to, uh, all of the teachers who made their way across the ocean to bring us the Dharma. And they brought it with great energy and joy, which is part of what I'm going to speak about. So I found, I came across this wonderful poem by, uh, the poet Albert Saijo, who I think this poem is is incredible commentary on Suzuki Roshi's words. Albert Saijo was a Japanese American poet who was associated with the with the beat poets. He was very good friends with with Phil Whelan and with Kerouac.

[11:29]

and with Lou Welch. And as a young man, he was born in 1926. As a young man, he was interned at Heart Mountain, Wyoming during World War Two. And then when he came of age, there he joined the US Army in the famous 442nd Regiment which was a second generation Japanese regiment which fought in Italy and other places in Europe and became quite famous. Anyway, when he came back, he went to USC and he was a poet and he was a character. He's actually a character, I'm forgetting the name, in Kerouac's novel Big Sur.

[12:32]

I'll find it, I'll let you know. And this is a poem that he wrote, I think he wrote it in the 50s, but it was published in 1997, in a book that he wrote called How It Speaks, perhaps. I'll just say that in his last years, last 20 years of his life, he moved to Hawaii, to the Big Island. And he was he was friends with Robert Aiken Roshi, and was a Zen student of his own stripe. And I met him briefly at Aiken Roshi's funeral. But I found this poem this week. Oh, I'm missing things. Bodhisattva vow. How do we build bodhisattvas? Let me show you. Are you seeing that?

[13:43]

There's our bodhisattva in the zendo. and she is taking the form that is necessary in order to awaken sentient beings. It's a timely act on her part. So I'm going to read you this poem, and I'll see if I can put it up on the screen as well. Sorry, let me close this. Here we go. This poem is called Bodhisattva Vows. It's not on the screen, hold on. Not on the screen, okay. I'm gonna, sorry, I thought it was.

[14:48]

That's interesting. Okay, so hang on. Stop sharing screen. How about now? Yes. Yes. Okay, good. Bodhisattva vows. Bodhisattva vows to be the last one off the sinking ship. You sign up and find out it's forever. Passenger list endless. Ship never empties. Ship keeps sinking, but doesn't go quite under. On board, angst, panic, and desperation hold sway.

[15:52]

Turns out bodhisattvahood is a fucking job like any other, but different in that there's no weekends, holidays, vacations, no golden years of retirement, You're spending all your time and energy getting other people off the sinking ship into lifeboats bound gaily for Nirvana while there you are sinking. And of course you had to go and give your life jacket away. So now let us be cheerful as we sink our spirit ever buoyant as we sink. So now let us be cheerful as we sink, our spirit ever buoyant as we sink. I think that's a terrific poem. It's like the find of the month for me.

[16:56]

And I want to go and get his other poems. So I think that what Albert Sajjo is describing is the spirit of our practice, the bodhisattva spirit of our practice. This, let us be cheerful as we sink, our spirit ever buoyant as we sink. So for a bodhisattva, for us as bodhisattvas, wisdom and compassion are not enough. there has to be joy. I think about, uh, in this, I think about, uh, as we have been, I feel we've been experiencing Sojin Roshi in, in the last months, uh, that as he contends with illness and treatment, uh,

[18:05]

buoyant is really a way that you could describe his spirit, uh, and joyous. And there's always a, uh, it's always a laugh that is close by, you know, not necessarily a belly laugh, but a laugh of just appreciation and joy. And I think that, uh, In my experience, most of the wonderful teachers that I've met had this capacity. You know, I think about His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I think about Maha Goswami of Cambodia. And I can think of, I think of Shoro Harada, who Alex is studying with in Japan. And Along with their determination, along with their dedicated practice, there's a kind of lightness.

[19:16]

Think of how we'd see. I mean, all of us can name people that we've encountered in practice like this. And I feel like I, I'm, if I report on my inner life, I feel that that lightning is flowering in me. You may not see it that way, but I feel it that way. And that's surprising. But it's interesting because when I came to practice nearly 40 years ago, Uh, there was some quality that the people that I met, and that was here, people that I met had a kind of lightness, even in the midst of the real difficulties of life.

[20:21]

And I didn't know at the time, I didn't know if one had to be born that way, if you were born that way, and then you were called to Zen practice. But I had a kind of faith that that the practice was a leavening process. It was lightning. It, it brought air into one's being. I had, I had some really, uh, unverified faith that, uh, that that was the case. And I really hoped that that was the case because that had not been, uh, I can't say that was a characteristic mark of my life up to that point. I think I've been told, and I'm not sure that it's changed, that sort of the default expression on my face is one of worry.

[21:30]

Uh, and I think back to a conversation I had with my father in boy, 1974, three or four, four, probably. So let's see. I was 26 years old. That was, I was Alex's age and we were driving, he was visiting me. I was living in California at that point. He was, we were driving along the Bayshore freeway. And he said, are you happy? And I got really angry at him. Basically, what is there to be happy about? Look at this world. We're mired in the war in Vietnam. There's these horrible things going down south. Happiness is not one of my, it's just not an objective. It's not a goal. Uh, I want to serve.

[22:35]

I want to do what is, I want to be useful and I don't care about happiness. And, um, it was a tension between us. I don't think he was very happy about my response and you know, it took, I don't know, 30 years or so before I realized that essentially he had asked the right question. And you know, it wasn't that he wanted me to put on rose colored glasses. Uh, he wanted me to be aware that there was joy in the world. Joy, just in our lives. And that in many ways, he had found that, you know, he didn't do it through Zen, he just it, it came to him.

[23:54]

And that was very, I think about that story often, and I, you know, it actually It grieves me that I couldn't answer him because my answer brought him pain. So it's important for us to realize that our sense of duty and joy are not in contradiction for a Bodhisattva. And to encourage you to recognize that there are wellsprings of joy within you.

[24:57]

And this is what Albert Seidel is talking about. Let us be careful, let us be cheerful as we sink, our spirit ever buoyant as we sink. You know, and his whole poem, the poem itself is talking about, it's talking about some of those same impossible contradictions and circumstances of being a bodhisattva, but the spirit of it is actually that spirit of joy and, um, and lightness. And I'd like to encourage us to each of us to look around for it in yourself and to do the things that, that bring you joy. I must say that, uh, Sitting Sashin today allows that, for me, it allows that joy to arise.

[26:12]

That it's really great to sit. We've just sat three periods of Zazen in pretty close proximity, and we're gonna sit, I think, maybe three or four more. That's a lot of Zazen in a, in a concentrated time. And what I encourage you to do is after we're sitting, after we sit, just go outside, open the door and go outside and look around. Look around your yard or look around whatever your view is and see how the world is filled with this inner light. See how luminous it is. Uh, and just, you know, recognize that without it, without looking for benefit or gain, uh, the,

[27:29]

the practice, the process of zazen just removes these veils from in front of our mind's eye. And we can see, we can see, we let in that joyous light. I don't know where it comes from. And I think I don't want to, I'm not much given to being a Pollyanna as probably most of you know, but there is something in the perception the encounter with Buddha nature that, uh, that lifts us, that encourages us to share with other people and to help them through the, through the very real difficulties, not illusory, real difficulties that people are experiencing now.

[28:50]

Um, I could talk more, but I actually feel like this is the place to, to end and just take your, your comments and your, your questions. Uh, I mean, I suppose we could go more technically into the, the practice of Bodhisattvas, but, um, uh, take it where you want to take it. Okay. And, uh, let Mary Beth explain the process. Okay, so now it's time for Q&A. We have about 20 minutes, 25 minutes for that. We want to hear as many voices as possible, so we ask that you be brief and have no more than one follow-up interchange. There are two ways you can ask your question. You can raise your blue hand in the participants, and you can also

[29:59]

put your question in the chat, and then I will ask the question for Hozon. So after you've spoken, please lower your blue hand. Okay, it looks like our first questioner is Kika. Go ahead and unmute yourself. Thank you. Thanks, Mary Beth. Thank you, Hozon. I like that poem, and I like where you're coming from with our talk today. It occurred to me that some of the time you're talking from a dualistic point of view, and then sometimes you're talking from non-dualistic. And non-dualistic meaning we exit Zazen and then we go out into the world and we can see things a little differently. But in fact, they are always that way. I wonder if you could talk a little bit more from the non-dualistic side about the same subject. Wait, which way is dualistic and which way is non-dualistic?

[31:05]

Well, um, um, hard to, hard to explain, but, uh, you know, um, uh, that we're, we, we enter into Zazen and then we, um, arrive at some place where, where now we can view the world in a different way. And, um, and, often, you know, and so that's coming from a dualistic place. Okay. Um, that way is always that way of seeing is always available to us. And, uh, I feel that I have moments of that all the time. not just after Zazen or not just catalyzed by Zazen, that I feel like I'm more attuned to that.

[32:13]

There is the mundane world, but it reminds me of First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is a mountain. And I don't separate the dualistic and non-dualistic, particularly. All I notice is shifts in perception. And I don't necessarily name it. Because when, I also feel that when when you're seeing one thing, uh, then there's something else that you're not seeing and vice versa. So I don't think there's a very clear answer.

[33:14]

Uh, because I think partly because it's difficult for me to distinguish between dual and non dual, they interpenetrate each other. So thoroughly in my, not just in my understanding, but also in my perception. And I've always thought that way. Even before I had the language, even as a child, I remember just the way I put it to myself was that there's, and I did this as a kid, 10 years old, just feeling like There's an open mystery in the world. And I didn't have an answer. I couldn't tell you what it was. All I felt was, wow.

[34:14]

So maybe I'll leave it there. Ed Herzog. Hi, Hosan. Thank you so much for your talk. Can you hear me? Yeah. I find in my life that I'm happiest when I'm engaged in walking the path of Bodhisattva, as you know, because we've walked that path together. But my, especially today in the time of COVID, my fear of pain, death, and probably the strongest, my fears of abandonment, feels sometimes so strong that it drowns out everything else, and my boat begins to sink under those feelings, and I begin to gather water, and at times I can't

[35:26]

grab a life raft and bail myself out, it becomes so strong. And so I'm wondering if you had any thoughts about that. Well, first of all, I will not abandon you. Oh, thank you. And I would venture a guess that we will not abandon you. Ah, which is not necessarily the remedy for the fact that you may feel abandoned. Yes, but it's actually the way it is. And, yeah, you know, today. Well, I just want to say there's there's a line in this poem that that I think is worth remembering. ship keeps sinking, but doesn't quite go under.

[36:30]

Yes. You know, remember that, you know, it's like, so you can always climb up on top of the mast. And then jump off. And ask for help. Yeah, right. Send out an SMS. Right, right. But when, when the helicopter comes by, get on it. Don't tell them you're waiting for Buddha to save you. That is Buddha. But just to say today, there's so many enraging things going on. The federal government, at Trump's direction, has executed three people this week. Yes. The first three executions, first three federal executions in 17 years.

[37:35]

Um, the second one, second execution was actually a Buddhist. Uh, and I've been sort of in, in exchange with, uh, his spiritual advisors, one of Shohaku Okamura's priests named Sagan, Sagan Harkomeyer, I think. And I don't, I have not met him, but he was there. And it's just, if I settle in that, if I let that take over my body, then I'm full of anger. And that anger is not inappropriate. It's just, I want to choose how to work with it and not let it run me because it'll run me into the ground. Then I will sink. Then I'll just fall into the hole which is underwater.

[38:39]

So we need our friends to take care of us. Thank you. Thank you. Andrea Thatch. Thank you very much. I think I jumped the line. Hosan Sensei, thank you very much for your talk. I'm very touched by the complexity. And I wanted to ask you, I feel like the sense of happiness and lightness that I can feel has a lot to do with thoroughly accepting the causes of conditions that come together in a particular moment of time. However, I have it pretty easy. And I'm wondering for you, when you're actually face-to-face with someone who is about to be executed on death row, or is panhandling at the corner of Alcatraz and MLK, as he is every day there, how do you bring that sense of what you know as a Buddhist practitioner

[39:59]

his well-being, how do you, how is it that your acceptance or your presence or your understanding can help save that person in that moment? If I'm properly open, I give him some money, I give him a dollar and I try to exchange a word of friendliness. That's easy. That's easy. Yeah. Um, there's something more about presence or say something more about being in the right mind. Did you say? Yes. I said, if I said, if I'm open, you know, uh, there's a mind that I'm sure we all encounter. I think I know this guy that you're talking about. I mean, I don't know him personally, but I, I've, you know, we see him, he's there a lot. Um, there's the don't bother me now mind, right?

[41:03]

You know, there's a mind that doesn't, that's like, oh, this guy again, you know, that wants to turn a person into an object. And that wants to keep my window closed. And if I can notice that I intervene, because it really, that doesn't particularly, it's like I'm trying to protect something. And, you know, I think my sense of vulnerability, you know, and how is that helpful? That's not helpful. And so I, you know, I work with that. As far as somebody meeting their execution, all I think that I might be able to do, and I haven't accompanied anyone that far, but I think we walk with that person as far as we can.

[42:26]

Just as you walk with somebody, just as you work with a patient who's dying. You go as far as you can to that edge with them, but they have to make that journey themselves. And so you give them a loving goodbye. But I also want to say that, you know, I've spent like quite a number of us, you know, a fair amount of time in developing countries and, you know, in really hard, circumstances. And there's always joy to be found. The children or look to the mother's children and If I may just add one thought that came up as you were talking, I was flashing an experience when I was in the bogia a long time ago, watching a mama give a coin to a beggar who was on the same corner.

[43:36]

And there was such a feeling that no one was, I couldn't tell who was giving whom what. And I think it has to do with the quality of completely seeing the other person. an openness that completely sees who that other person is and makes that space to receive them. Well, this is Donna Paramita, which is the unity of giving, giver, receiver, and gift. Thank you very much. Yeah. Ben has a question. Okay. Hi, Hosan. Thank you for your talk. Thank you. If I may, I wanted to share a few lines of a poem that I was reminded of with your poem. Is that OK? Yeah. It's a poem called A Brief for the Defense by Jack Gilbert. And my mind goes back to it after hearing it a couple of years ago, whenever the topic of maintaining joy during, you know, in a world full of suffering comes up.

[44:45]

So just I'll try to be brief. Sorrow everywhere. Slaughter everywhere. If babies are not starving someplace, they are starving somewhere else, with flies in their nostrils. But we enjoy our lives because that's what life wants. Otherwise, the mornings before summer dawn would not be made so fine. The Bengal tiger would not be fashioned so miraculously well. The poor women at the fountain are laughing together between the suffering they have known and the awfulness in their future, smiling and laughing while somebody in the village is very sick. There is laughter every day in the terrible streets of Calcutta and the women laugh in the cages of Bombay. If we deny our happiness, resist our satisfaction, we lessen the importance of their deprivation. We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure, but not delight, not enjoyment. We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world. To make injustice the only measure of our attention is to praise the devil.

[45:47]

And I'll just stop there, it goes on for several more lines, but I just wanted to share that. Thank you. It's a wonderful poem. I'd like to invite Sojin Roshi to comment if he is, I'm not seeing him right here, but I did meet a moment ago. I don't know if he's still here. So, Jen, unmute yourself. I'm not seeing him anymore. Thank you. Oh, there he is. OK. Yeah. Thanks for inviting me to do this. I think it's easy to be glib, you know, like when we're talking about such things and to actually really take it in and, you know, understand what this all means, takes some serious thought.

[46:57]

So I appreciate your groping your way along. I think that's great. I appreciate that a lot. We're all groping our way along, you know, with what is a bodhisattva. But I like the joy, you know, when you're really hurting a lot, joy, and joy comes in. It means something like you're not attached to your pain. You're not attached to pain, period. You just, you know, the joy is really necessary. To laugh at yourself is the best. It is. To be able to laugh at yourself is the best. And it lightens everything up.

[48:00]

And, you know, life grips us and lets us go. And it grips us and lets us go. And a good two people will grip you and let you go. That's part of practice. So I really appreciate your presenting this and working with it. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I think that you can turn this into a practice. You know, often when we make a mistake, we berate ourselves. And it's like we add insult to injury. That's a great expression. You know, and I think about, just stop it. Stop it. Laugh at yourself.

[49:03]

You know, it's like, I think about, for some reason I think about Ronald Reagan saying, there you go again. You know? there I go again. If I've made a mistake, the kinds of mistakes that I make, fortunately, for the most part, don't kill people. And yet, it's so easy to let the whole damned world seep in when you've made a mistake. That's really not the point. Just laugh at yourself. Don't get caught there and do the next thing. That's one of the things. If you add that insult to injury, then you've missed the next moment. When you're playing music and you make a mistake, you don't stop.

[50:11]

If you get hung up on the mistake, then you've missed the next passage completely. You know, and it's also true that there's practice, that you pick, you know, playing music, if there's a passage that I notice, if I'm playing a song or a melody, and every time I get caught in the same place, then actually, I actually need to stop. I need to stop and go over that passage and practice it and figure out how to do it in a graceful way, because if I don't, then I'm just gonna make the mistake over and over and over again. And we do this in our lives. That's really a metaphor for how we act. So sometimes in the moment, so here's, okay, what it boils down to is to me is take what you do seriously and don't take yourself seriously.

[51:17]

be able to laugh at yourself, be able to be light with yourself, and also really intent on what you're doing, because it makes a difference to the world. So I think I'll take one more. I see Heiko. Thank you, Hozan. Wonderful inspiration and clarity arising here. When you first started this talk, you mentioned that we should go outside afterwards. And that clicked in my mind with my phrase of the week, which I read somewhere, which from a famous poet, probably a Zen person, I don't know, saying, pay close attention to the activities of the birds and the insects in your environment. And I don't know if that's familiar to anybody, but that very attention, you know, if you're always doing it, you're going to also be experiencing all the emotions and moving on quickly, the spider eating the fly and then moving on, you know, and so on.

[52:29]

And so as we are looking for joy or looking for solutions, really, we're just looking for go outside and watch the bugs If I can say so, thank you. You can say so. And what I will share is I've kind of fallen in love with the crows during, and really during the pandemic. It's like, there's a lot of them around here. And when I go out and take walks with Lori, I just stop and I watch them and I try to communicate with them. We haven't worked it all out yet. But, and then in Zazen, in Zazen I hear. I let those sounds penetrate my Zazen and I, you know, I hear the voice of the crows and I feel like I've never,

[53:35]

I haven't been, I'm more attuned with what's in my head. That's kind of my default. And this gives me an opportunity to get out of that. And the last thing I'll say is that one of the peculiar things I think about this practice, you think about the Buddha was enlightened under a tree. So he's enlightened with all these birds and bugs and all this stuff. Uh, what we tend to do, you know, is, um, we find a beautiful place like Casa Hara, and then we make a building and we go inside. Uh, and so there really is something to be said. It's like, I think the experience actually, and I've done this a lot in Southeast Asia, the experience of sitting outside is. different than the experience of sitting inside.

[54:39]

And I really encourage it. To me, it's like the top of my head has been lifted off or something. And yeah, so go outside. I think I will stop there.

[54:56]

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