As a part of my new job here as Tonto, to say something. If any of you are familiar with American television from the 50s, you know that Tonto was the Lone Ranger's sidekick. So we'll just forget about that. Anyway. I think what might be helpful for all of us, is for me simply today to tell a little bit about my experience with koans.

[01:11]

Which by the way has not been extensive. And I'm quite interested in this particular format. I wasn't here for last year's Koan seminar. This is obviously something new. and it may turn out to be quite a useful way to practice together. As Roshi said today in his lecture, this kind of gathering is something

[02:14]

like how practitioners came together in the monasteries of old. Of course, there are many, many differences, but what is the same is people coming together to understand something or to explore something. And here in the north of Germany, it seems that fall has come early. And for me personally, the atmosphere outside the green trees and the mist and the dampness accords with the beginning of a sashin or whatever this is.

[03:47]

It's a similar feeling. It's a feeling for me of... a kind of entering into a different space. It's a little bit sober. And that's often what I experience when I'm beginning a seshin. And for me this is a kind of seshin. And this is often the case with me when I start a zizhin. And yes, this here is also a kind of zizhin for me.

[04:49]

So there's a kind of softness or maybe a tinge of sadness that's not the opposite of gladness. It's actually a kind of nice, cozy feeling. So, Nanchuan kills a cat. What on earth is this? This is, you might say, a famous koan. It's well known. And it's an example of a little piece of Zen stuff that really sets people off. I mean, this is outrageous.

[06:23]

This is a religious teacher murdering a kitten. What kind of business is this? And as you can see in the text, people have been worried about this for centuries. And in fact, we shouldn't distribute these leaflets carelessly. It could cause a political stir. Something is going on here and it's going on here. Yes, something is going on here and it's going on here. We are arguing about this cat.

[07:46]

So let me just put that aside and tell you a little something about how we work with koans in Crestone. Before I started practicing with Bekaroshi five years ago, I had some familiarity with koans, not this particular collection of koans, however. I think Zen has entered the mainstream of Western culture enough that many people are at least somewhat familiar with a Zen koan.

[08:53]

A famous one is what is the sound of one hand clapping. My first sashins in the 70s were with a Japanese Zen master of the Rinzai school. And we were all given at the Sesshin, we were all given in Sanzen or Dokusan a koan to present and to work with. For example, how does one manifest pine tree?

[10:24]

It was something like that. Something that made no sense at all. But he was quite serious about... the whole endeavor and that made me serious. Five times a day to run into this little closet where he was sitting and be confronted with this rather intimidating fellow and he wanted to know about pine tree. Now I had some understanding that I had worked out on my own, whether it was true or not, about what this whole business was, this koan and interview.

[11:48]

It seemed clear to me that the koan was my entire life. And I was put in the rather sobering position of having to present my entire life five times a day in a very formal setting. And I found out early on, immediately, that I wasn't comfortable with presenting my entire life five times a day. Or even once. There was something rude about it or unseemly. Not to mention a little scary. So this was my first real experience with koans.

[13:35]

When I began practicing with Baker Roshi and we began with the Book of Serenity, I entered into a rather different relationship with koans. The koans that I was familiar with somewhat were from another collection called the Umankan. And those tend to be rather short and to the point, you might say. And in fact... I'm sure this koan is included in that collection.

[15:02]

But it's presented in a different way. It's presented in about one paragraph rather than four pages. So when we began studying from the Book of Serenity, I wasn't quite sure how to deal with so much text. It... made me a little nervous. It reminded me of school. I actually preferred just sort of jumping into the fire five times a day. Whereas we began in our first koan seminars in Crestone to analyze and take apart these rather lengthy treatments of koans.

[16:27]

And I discovered something else about myself that was a bit uncomfortable. Not that I hadn't come across it before, but I just found out that I was a bit lazy in terms of this kind of stuff. Because as you've found out, there's a lot in these. And a lot of it really doesn't make much sense in terms of... It just seemed to me that a lot of background was necessary in order to understand these things.

[17:38]

I mean, just who is eminent shu? Not to mention Mr. Wen. You have to go to the library. I didn't know what. So I remember in my exasperation asking Roshi, just how do you work with these things? I mean, I wanted to know how he worked with it.

[18:42]

And this is usually not done in Zen. You don't ask these kinds of questions. But he allowed the question and even tried to answer it. And he tried to assure me and others that a great deal of background in Chinese history and so forth was not necessary and in some cases actually was a hindrance to understanding these things. And I appreciated the permission that he gave us all to meet this koan however we could meet it.

[20:05]

That is simply to read it aloud. We went around the circle. Each of us took a bit of it and read it aloud. And it seemed that that was as important as understanding it or analyzing it, just to simply read it. Each person's voice carried the koan around the circle.

[21:05]

Until the last sentence was read. And then panic. Because the next step was off the edge. Because for me, still the koan was the issue of my existence.

[22:15]

These weren't just fairy tales. Or if they were fairy tales, my life was also a fairy tale. So I couldn't escape. And that made me nervous. The permission that Roshi gave us was the permission to say whatever came into our heads. Whatever grabbed you, whatever caught your eye, whatever hooked you or

[23:18]

Whatever it was, you just offered it. And it was important that everybody offered something. In fact, it was a requirement. Because I'm the type of person who likes to hang out in the back, goofing off usually. But I had to say something.

[24:44]

Everyone had to say something. This wasn't just a kind of academic ritual. By saying something, I began to expose myself. To make myself visible. Rather than invisible. So it put me on the spot. which was my first experience with koans. Being put on the spot. I began to see that there are many ways to work with a koan. For example, there are lots of personalities here, lots of people.

[26:11]

And oftentimes, each of us would just take one of these people and see what we could find out about them and bring it to the next meeting. This began to bring the story to life. As Roshi did this morning, I don't know, but I'm sure the feeling was shared. Suddenly Nanshwan became a rather palpable, imposing figure. This person actually lived on the earth once.

[27:31]

And at the age of 18, I've read, he had a profound enlightenment experience as a teenager. And then he packed up and went into the mountains and lived in a hut for 30 years by himself. 30 years, just imagine, heading out for the next 30 years. And then, after 30 years, he began to teach I mean, we're turning out teachers like popcorn these days.

[28:39]

So by delving into this dense text, all kinds of people and adventures start to arise and come to life. So one aspect or one way of relating to the koan is simply to feel free to bring up anything about it, any phrase, anything at all, and just offer it into the center. Now there are also, let's just say there are layers and layers of things going on in the koan.

[29:47]

There are stories within stories within stories. You can be swimming along the surface of your associations and your reactions and that can be refreshing and interesting. And then you can take a breath and dive. And it's different down there. You're not up in the sunshine and the light on the surface of the water.

[31:16]

You're down with underwater beings. Things that don't live in the air. And it's like that. There are depths in this story. As for myself, I tend or I'm inclined to take a shot in the dark approach to these things.

[32:28]

And I kind of resist a critical analysis of the structure, which is an important way to practice with these. So I still find that quite difficult because those of you that have the Book of Serenity, you'll read in the introduction something about the structure. You can work with these koans, practice with these koans with the tool of analysis.

[33:54]

And this can reveal depths. And the teachings... are revealed in these depths. So I think that's probably about enough. Roshi suggested, I think, that we break up into groups of six or so and I think we can read the koan and then just jump in. He modified it a little bit.

[34:58]

We should feel what the right size of group is. Maybe six is a little small. Okay. So... Shall we do four or five groups? Okay, so thank you, and I guess we'll just go for it. Yeah, thank you, Randy. Yeah.

[35:46]

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