into our hearts most meekly. O love of God most holy, which forsts our hearts and wings of flame, and kindles our hearts slowly, Our hearts are restless till they burn On fire with thee with whom we burn Come give us light and wisdom O good and wise thy light How kind thy heart to give thee.

[01:06]

We hear thou speak thy heart's own tone, And feel thee like creation. By thee our nature's wounds are nursed, Thy living waters cool at rest Thou gavest life and wisdom Thou dost renew the fates of earth With love beyond all telling and give us joy to bless those in whom Thou takest dwelling.

[02:12]

Transform us by thy living name. Come strengthen us, do praise thy name. Come give us light and wisdom. Good morning. First of all, my thanks to Father John and to all of you for inviting me to facilitate this annual retreat. It's a great privilege and a great responsibility, I see. And we have to do it together.

[03:14]

depend on your good questions and your good cooperation throughout, and especially your prayers. I'm very happy about the renewal of Father Thomas' spirit here at Monsalvia. Unfortunately I have been away very much, but when I come back I get of course a different feeling for the spirit in the community than when you are always here, and this time it is different. much warmer and lighter. So that's a great joy for me to see, and I'm sure it's a great joy for all of you. And I was told that you have also a special interest this time in any input that I can give about Fr.

[04:26]

Daniel S. Vincent, since this is a renewal in his spirit, and I will In planning these talks, I focused on words by him that I remember, or especially passages that he would sing out and that were very important to him, and I will build it around those. If at any point you can't hear me well, just raise your hand. I have great compassion for anybody who can't hear well, because I myself am half deaf. So at any time that I don't talk loudly enough, please ask. And this interaction between us, I would also hope that in the course of the week, I can have a talk with every one of you. At any time that you want, that's convenient for you, just let me know.

[05:29]

and we can arrange that. I'll definitely make enough time for that all along. Very important for us when we were in formation was where the conferences that Father Danvers gave. frequent, and they were really the heart of our formation, the heart of the input that he gave, and he would put great emphasis on what he called the Doctrina Abbatis, the teaching of the abbot. He inherited that from Father Maria Lach, From his own abbot, who put great emphasis and wrote a commentary on the Holy Ghul, on Ildefons Herbegen, and long before I came to Monsevier,

[06:52]

studied that commentary, and the young people in Austria were very interested in that. And there, the position of the abbot is very much stressed, but not as a kind of power figure, but as father, you see, Amba, father. and the teaching of the Father, and therefore it was also an interactive teaching. We could ask questions, and he was happy about good questions, and so I hope that this week we can continue this format. of also questioning. Any time you can interrupt me with questions, if something isn't clear, or write them out and give them to me, and I will pick them up later on.

[07:58]

And one of Father Damas's emphasis, not so much explicitly but implicitly, was to really go deep, to go really deep into all these in anything that he spoke, not stay on the surface. I remember him saying many times, no, no, that's not deep enough, go deeper, go deeper, go beyond the surface, go deep. And that he put into a term that he often, a phrase that he often quoted, St. Anselm of Canterbury, Fides Querens Intellectum, faith searching for understanding. And that was really the basis for the teaching of the Abbot. Rooted in faith, rooted in our faith, and but seeking understanding.

[09:07]

And understanding in this sense meant Put it in your own words, don't just mouth what you have heard. Digest it deeply enough so that you can say it in your own words, not exactly the way you have heard it, because then you have really understood it. We'll have to say more about this later. But this rooted in faith and seeking a deeper understanding, that was very important to him. And therefore, question the words you use. Question what words you use. Don't think anybody understands that. You say faith, of course you know what you mean by faith. Question it long enough until you can say this in your own word. What does it mean to you? Prayer, monastic life, community, any term, any of the important terms.

[10:14]

And that's what I will try with you together this week, take some key terms and go really deep and try to understand them. Of course, the way I understand them, the way I will present it, comes from the teaching of Father Damasus, because that was the way I myself was formed, but it isn't limited to what Father Damasus I heard him say, but the whole point was, adjust it always new to your understanding. Don't just sit with some fixed doctrine. The doctrina abortis is not something that you can put in a book and there you have it, but it is something that is alive through exchange, through interaction. Finally, a word that was very frequently quoted by Father Damascus, and that seems to me to express what his conferences did for us, is this passage from the Prophet Hosea

[11:35]

214, I will lead her into the desert and I will speak to her heart. He says of the people of Israel, I will lead her into the desert and I will speak to her heart. And when it worked best, our listening to the conferences that Father Damascus gave, we were always led into the desert That means they have nothing to hold on to. They are really exposed, you see. And then open your heart, listen with your heart. But allowing yourself to be led into the desert is a very important thing, and the desert is not where you are at home. It's not, oh, I know everything, and now I hear a little more. Yeah, I've been fitted here. I know exactly where the furniture is. This goes in this drawer, and this goes on that table.

[12:36]

No, you are in the desert. This is new, this is completely new, as if you had heard it for the first time. That was really important. Go into the desert, have the courage to go into the desert, into that place as if it were for the first time, and open your heart, your innermost heart, and if we have that attitude then it really doesn't matter too much what anybody says. It will be always the Holy Spirit that speaks to us through anything. So the advertisement on the cereal box that we read, all of a sudden that will speak to us, if we are really in the desert and if we open our heart. And so this morning, I would like to take another word that was very important to him and that's from the Acts of the Apostles because we have to start with the basics.

[13:54]

The most basic word would be God. Let's start with God, let's not assume when we say God we know what we mean. So this morning I would like to speak about God. The work from the Acts of the Apostles is from the 17th chapter, verse 28, where St. Paul preaches on the Areopagus in Athens, and so he's not talking to Christians. He's talking to people with whom he has nothing in common. He is a Jew, they are Gentiles, just basic human, just a human speaking to humans. He had to face that situation, and so he wants to say something about God as a human being to human beings, not as a Christian teacher to Christians, but a human being to human beings.

[14:58]

What can we say about God? And there he says, in God we live and move and have our being. In God we live and move and have our being. And that would be the starting point for anything we say about God. God lives and moves and has our being. And Father Damascus had another word that he was always caution us against, and that was idolatry. He often spoke about idolatry, and he said the inner idolatry was much more dangerous than the outer idolatry. When you see an idol, a statue of an idol, You are not going to pray to that very long, you know, it's carved and it's just an idol.

[16:01]

But he said, in the pictures that you make, as long as we don't question them, as long as we don't, as long as they are not alive, and alive means changing. If it doesn't change, it's not alive. It must constantly change, it must constantly grow, it must constantly unfold. And anything, also the notion of God, that doesn't unfold is an idol. It must unfold, and therefore in God we live, in God we live, in God we live. Our very life, our very life is our relationship to God, our relationship to life is our relationship to God. And life is something that we have and that is constantly given to us and received with gratitude.

[17:11]

If we just live and never think about being grateful for being alive, then we aren't really alive, we are just we're just living along, but if we realize that life is a gift every moment, and there you can go into it in great detail if you have the time, to see how life is every moment new, is every moment given to us, and you don't have to go to the subatomic particles. that are at every moment, so to say, exploding out of nothing. And Father Nemesis was very frequently relating to contemporary science, to contemporary, all different sciences and art.

[18:14]

His spirituality was very open to not just theologically and theologians talking to theologians, but he was a theologian who was talking to artists, was very active in the Catholic Art Association, he was talking to scientists, he was talking to politicians. All the time we had politicians here. In the very early days, so in the mid-fifties, anybody who came, say, from Europe to the United States, would sooner or later end up here in Montsavia and talk with Fr. Tamsin. It was kind of a hub of intellectual life. That's not absolutely necessary for a monk monastery, but it was, at that time, helpful and good for us. and it meant particularly this interaction. So if you speak about life and you interact with science, you find for instance that every second, so now, now, now,

[19:23]

Now, as many red blood corpuscles, they are pretty big, you can see them on the microphone, as many of those as there are inhabitants of New York City, many millions, die. Now, dead. Now, dead. In your body, the red blood corpuscles, as many are born, as many are created. Then you think, well, you live along. Every moment you are new, and that newness of life, that is a profound mystery, completely. And so if St. Paul says, in God we live, it means this constant change, this constant newness, that every moment we live and move and have our being. To be alive to this life, to be alive to our aliveness, to be aware of it, that is spirituality.

[20:35]

Spiritus, Latin, means life-breath, so spirituality is aliveness, coming alive, on all levels. I'm always emphasizing that this means all levels of life. It means our bodily life, no less. Sometimes we think spirituality begins somewhere above the eyebrows, where it's closed up in the heart. our whole life, and life means not just my little life, but my interaction with all others, my interaction with the food that I eat, therefore with the animals that died, with the plants that died, so I may live. This complete network of interactions with all human beings, with all animals, with all That belongs to our life, and that belongs to our life in God, because life itself is that place, if you want, or that place is not a good word, it's that event in my life.

[21:49]

Each one of us knows what we mean by my life, better my aliveness, moment by moment, is that event by which I am in contact with God. Every moment of life is that contact with God, because it is an interaction with mystery. And it is helpful to think of, drop this word God for a while, and replace it by mystery. Because otherwise, it's fine, of course, we use it all along, we can use it, it's not an outlawed word, but for the time being, let's just pack it, let's put it away, because otherwise there is the danger that we think we know what we mean, and we don't.

[22:52]

If we think we know, if we know what we mean, it isn't God. God is mystery, and this is another one of those words that were again and again mentioned by Father Damasus, mystery, on many levels and in many contexts, but a mystery was a mysterium, we used to say mysterium, a mystery is not some vague notion, it's a very, very clearly You can even define it, what you mean by mystery, and it is that actuality. Don't say reality, because reality has to do with race, with thing, so it's not a thing, it's an actuality that acts on us. Mystery is an actuality.

[23:52]

that we cannot grasp, we cannot get it into our grasp, we cannot intellectually grasp in concepts or words or even in our notion, we cannot grasp it. but we can understand it. Those are the two terms that are important to remember when we speak about God or mystery. We cannot grasp it, but we can understand it. If we couldn't understand it, there wouldn't be any point in talking about it. We cannot grasp it, but we can understand it. And how do we understand it? By it grasping us. There's a very great difference. Bernard of Clairvaux says, what we can grasp gives us knowledge. What grasps us gives us wisdom. And we are not after knowledge, we are after wisdom.

[24:59]

And a good image for that is music. It's a good example of what We all have certain pieces of music of which we will say, I understand that, I understand that, I understand this music, I don't understand some other music, I understand this music. What does it mean? It does something to me, it moves me, it grabs me. sweeps me off my feet. If it does that, then you understand this music. And so with mystery, if we can't grab it, but it does something to us. If you can grab it, grasp it, we know it. We can't know mystery, we can't know God in that sense of concept, but we can understand God by interacting just like you interact when you listen to music.

[26:01]

And there are three questions that lead us into this mystery. I would encourage you in the course of the day to think about these three questions. They are the big existential questions, and one is why. The three questions are why, what, and how. The first is why. Why leads us into mystery. Why leads us so deeply into reality that there is no bottom to it. You may find a little answer to why whatever you are start asking but then you can ask and why that and why that and why that and finally come why is there anything other than nothing so why leads you into that bottomless abyss of which C.S.

[27:04]

Lewis says A creature can throw down their thoughts forever and ever into that abyss, never will they hear an echo coming back. And that, he says, about God and about the Father, God the Father. It's that abyss of silence into which we throw our minds by asking why, why, why, and ultimately there is no answer but let yourself fall into the hands of the living God. Why leads us into that silence of the Father? The other question is what? You can take anything, a piece of paper, your hand, a light bulb, anything, a table, and ask what? What is it ultimately? And you may say what it's made of, but ultimately what is it? What is it? And you come again

[28:05]

into this mystery, into something that you cannot grasp, but you can understand it. How do you understand? What is the answer to this? You understand it as a word, a word. The why leads you into the silence, there's nothing you can say. The what leads you to the word. Everything there is, that means everything, every plant, every animal, every human being that you encounter is word. It's vastly a word that comes out of this mystery and speaks to you, and you can interact with it. So silence, word. In order to find meaning, you need to have silence, because otherwise you have no word. A true word comes out of the silence. If it doesn't come out of the silence, it's just chitchat.

[29:07]

But a true word comes out of the silence, and you can understand it, understand it. And understanding means that you listen, and that was another aspect that Fr. Daniels just kept emphasizing, that listening to the word, that listening was very important. Now, over and over, the very word of the Holy Lord is, listen, listen. Listen so deeply to whatever it is, this situation, this person that you encounter, this thing that you handle. You will handle it very differently. Every spoon you will handle differently. You should listen with your heart, and then you will understand. And understanding is a process. It's a process by which you so deeply listen to the word that it takes hold of you and leads you into the silence from which it comes.

[30:08]

That's important. Understanding is a process. You listen with all your heart and it takes you and leads you into the silence from which it comes. That understanding, in this sense, is the Holy Spirit. The silence into which the Why leads us is the silence of the Father. The Word is the Logos, is the Christ, and the Why leads us into the understanding through doing, and that is action in the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads you to listen so deeply that it will take you and make you do something. The Word will make you do something. So why, what, how are the three great questions that lead us. Why into the silence of the Father? What into the Word, the Logos of the Son?

[31:14]

And how through understanding to the Holy Spirit. And even though we are completely embedded in this mystery, through God we live and move and have our being, You might wonder, how then can we have a personal relationship to God? This is one of the key questions when people realize that God isn't somebody over there, but you live and move and have been in God. How can you have a relation to this God? That is a very difficult and deep question. In that sense, Father Nemesis was always referring to Martin Buber. Martin Buber was a very important figure for him, and particularly his book, I and Thou.

[32:20]

And in this book, I and Thou, Martin Buber unfolds a thought that was also one of the key thoughts for Father Nemesis, that When I for the first time say I and mean it, I am already in relationship to an eternal Thou. I doesn't make any sense if it isn't related to a Thou, and that Thou is the divine Thou that precedes my being able to say I, and so even though I am in God, move and live and have my being, I can at the same time, I am at the same time related to God, to this Thou, because I say I.

[33:23]

American poet E.E. Cummings has a beautiful line, he says, I am through you, so I. I am through you, not so beautiful or so whatever else, but so I. My very I is constituted by my relationship to you, and that you is ultimately not a human you, but is the divine you, because We live our life as a story. Every one of us lives not episodes, but a story. We have a story, and we want to tell that story to somebody. If it's a story, it's to be told, and then we try to tell the story to someone we really love, a very good friend. There's always something left over. You can never completely get it across, and that is one way of appreciating that really we tell this story to an eternal thought.

[34:35]

We tell our life story to God. Henry Nowen, I'm knowing from his books, he taught at Yale for a long time, and His students liked him a lot, and they were coming in and out of his apartment and just going to the refrigerator and taking a beer out of it. He was just completely there for his students. And when he came back from a trip, he always wanted to show them slides. At that time, you were taking photographs and making these slides, and you made a little slideshow. And he had too many slides, and his students would look for about 20 or 30, and then they would fall asleep. And he said, I know what it will be like when I get to heaven, he said. God will say, Henry, here you are. Show me your slides. We all have this slideshow, and we want to somehow get it across, and we never find anybody who has the patience to look at all these slides but God.

[35:44]

So we are related, even though we are within God. We are related to God, and that is, of course, the mystery of the Blessed Trinity. We have always learned about that, that there is one God within this one God, there is relationship, and we are in it. It's not out there floating around. That's why in Sunday school they used to tell us, well, you'll never understand it anyway, it's this mystery out there. It's the heart piece of our Christian faith. In God we live and move and have our being. That is, we are part of what the Greek fathers, particularly Gregory of Nyssa, called the round dance of the Trinity, the circle dance of the Trinity. That was also one of the images that were very dear to Father Demas, is Christ as the korypheos, the leader of the great dance.

[36:45]

I am the lord of the dance in this song, you see. But that was before, I think that was long before that dance was ever so popular. He would say, Christ is the leader of the dance, comes forth from the Father, and leads all of us, we belong to him, leads all of us in through the in the Holy Spirit back to the Father. And that's why he said the ancient doxology was not glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. He said that was later, that was kind of having everything nicely, they are all equal, so you have to say and, and, and. He said the original doxology was glory be to the Father through the Son, in the Holy Spirit, to, through, in, repeating these words. And that is also what, later on, see, this is also meant to be a preparation for the Feast of the Transfiguration, what is celebrated in the Transfiguration.

[38:00]

It's really the life of the Blessed Trinity that's celebrated. So let's once more say the key sentences that we had, in God we live and move and have our being, one. Another one is from the Psalms, Psalm 63, one, oh God, you are my God. Father Dempsey used to say, well, we pray this, oh God, you are my God, as if, well, what's next? He said, the first person who prayed, oh God, you are my God, we should just be so overwhelmed by this word that we can't go on. This is personally related. He used to say, God loves you so much as if you were the only one in the universe. personal relationship, oh God, you are my God, and then I will lead you into the desert and speak to your heart, that openness.

[39:13]

So remember these three words, God will live and move and have our being, oh God, you are my God, and I will lead you into the desert and speak to your heart, would kind of, to ponder these words, would kind of be the homework for today. And I would like you to write out one question. It really would be important that you, one answer to a question. write it out, because if you just say, well, I know it, maybe you don't know it clearly enough. So it's very short. The sentence starts, my favorite way to pray that relationship to God, my favorite way to pray is. And then finish the sentence. If you write that out today, then in the evening you bring it, you don't have to share it with others, you're free to share it with others, we'll see, but for you it's important to have that with you.

[40:17]

And then this evening we will talk about prayer in this context of living and moving in God, and how Father Damascus understood prayer and why it was so important.

[40:29]

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