It is said that if one gives close attention to all one's actions, to all one's karma, to all one's intention, the truth that all things are without independent self will become clear. It is also said that when one finds her place right where she is, the practice occurs, actualizing fundamental point.

[01:04]

When one finds his place or his way in this moment, the practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point. Another translation is when one finds this place right where one is, this action accordingly manifests the fundamental point. When one finds this path, right where one is, this action accordingly manifests the fundamental point. Finding one's place right where one is, is an action.

[02:19]

And it's an action of finding one's place where one is active. So finding our place once again, is an action. And our place, the place where we are, is where we're acting. And the definition of action is, the Sanskrit word is chetana. And it means the overall shape of consciousness. Intention means inclination. It means purpose. It means meaning.

[03:24]

It means significance. The intention of a mountain is the action of a mountain. What is the intention of a mountain? It is the shape of the mountain. It is the inclination of the mountain. It is that the mountain is inclined to rise high into the sky, more or less steeply. Some mountains are very steep, some are less steep. And the different inclinations of the mountains are the intention of each mountain. Mountains also incline down. And the inclination, the way the mountain is inclined or declines down is also the intention of the mountain.

[04:27]

The inclination of many mountains is that they jut up into the sky and they plunge down into valleys. And the valleys are also the meaning of mountains. Every moment of consciousness has inclinations and shapes. Those inclinations of the mind overall pattern of inclination and disposition and shape is what is meant by intention of the momentary experience. And that intention is the activity of the consciousness. And this intention is the fundamental problem which the Buddha Dharma addresses and cures. If these intentions are constantly changing, just like the mountains are constantly changing, but if these intentions are not attended to, they can seem to be rigid and inescapable obstructions.

[06:05]

to freedom. If you don't understand the path right where you are, mountains and rivers block the way. But if you do find your place right where you are, you will see that nothing including Mountains and rivers have an independent self, and the way will gradually become unhindered. Finding your place right where you are in your intention realizes the fundamental point of the path, realizes the meaning of events, If we do not attend, once again, to the landscape of our mind,

[07:28]

We will not see that the landscape of our mind has no abiding self. And then our mind will become an obstruction to the path of wisdom and compassion. If we do attend to the landscape of our mind, which is our intention, which is our karma, It will become clear and the path of freedom will be realized. It will become clear that there are no obstructions. And no non-obstructions either. It is also said that this place, this way, wherever we are, is neither large nor small, neither yours nor others.

[08:51]

The place, the way, has not carried over from the past and it is not merely arising now. Accordingly, the practice realization of the Buddha way is meeting one thing and mastering it. Doing one practice is practicing completely. Here is the place, here the way unfolds. And the boundary of realization is not distinct. For the realization comes forced with the mastery of Buddhadharma. If one finds this place, this action accordingly manifests the fundamental point.

[10:13]

When one finds this place, one's action manifests the fundamental point. This path, this place, is not big or small, not self or other, not preexistent, not now appearing. There it exists in this way. In this way, if someone cultivates and realizes the Buddha way, it is attaining a principle, mastering a principle. It is encountering a practice and cultivating a practice. In this there is a place where the path has been accomplished. Hence the unknowability of the known boundary is born together and studies along with the thorough investigation of the Buddha's teaching of this knowing.

[11:17]

In this, there is a place where the path has been accomplished. Hence, the unknowability of the known boundary is born together with is born together and studies along with the thorough investigation of the Buddha's teachings of this knowing. That's parallel too. The boundary of realization is not distinct, for the realization comes forth simultaneously with the mastery of Buddha Dharma. This is parallel to when Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not necessarily notice that they are Buddhas.

[12:43]

When a disciple of Buddha is truly a disciple of Buddha, they do not necessarily think that they are a disciple of Buddha. could also say, when Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they don't need to notice or think that they are Buddhas. Yet they are Buddhas. The important thing for them is that they're Buddhas, not that they think they're Buddhas. Some people think they're disciple of Buddha, but they aren't. Disciples of Buddha practice the Buddhadharma. But those who practice Buddhadharma do not need to think that they're practicing Buddhadharma. For example, if you find your place right where you are,

[13:52]

you're practicing Buddhadharma. But you don't have to think, oh, I'm practicing Buddhadharma. You don't even have to think, I found my place right where I am. If you give close attention to all your actions, or when you're giving close attention to your action, you are a disciple of Buddha. You don't necessarily think at that time that you're a disciple of Buddha, but in fact you are. When you see your desires and see how they're related to everything else that's happening with them, you're paying attention to your current action. At that time you are a disciple of awakening.

[14:57]

But the boundary of this realization of practice is not distinct. And the indistinctness or unknowability of the boundary arises simultaneously with the realization of the practice. So tonight there's a plan to have a ceremony and in the ceremony Carol and Alan will be verbally and physically and cognitively, cognitively, verbally, cognitively, physically expressing vows, expressing intentions.

[16:03]

As they express their intention, as they speak and move throughout the ceremony, they will have an intention, moment by moment. And they will be more or less able to find their place right where they are. And it will probably be difficult for them to find their place right where they are in the ceremony. because they will feel a great intensity. They will feel the intensity of all of you supporting them to find their place. And feeling how all of you are supporting them, all of us are supporting them to find their place, in a way will make it more difficult for them to find their place.

[17:14]

In some ways it's easier to find your place when you don't realize all that's going into your place. When you have a very limited idea of what your place is, in a way it's easier to find. Nonetheless, when you find that place, you will, and pay close attention to, you will notice more and more and be able to accept more and more the tremendous amount of contribution and support that's coming to you at your place. And gradually be able to continue to be aware of the relationships that are converging upon you, or converging to create you. But in this ceremony it will be, it may be easier to see how many things are coming together.

[18:36]

And not only will all of you, or most of you be here, if you'd like to come. It'll be about 7.30 tonight in this room. Not only will all of you be here, but in addition to that, we've invited various guests. And I have the guest list right here for you. Would you pass these out? In an effort to save paper, I did not make the same number of sheets of paper that there are people in the room, so if you would share a little bit. There's 50 pieces of paper, but about 70 people. This is the guest list. So all of you are invited, and we're also inviting some what might be called special guests.

[19:37]

Are you special guests, too? These guests don't think they're better than you. So at the beginning of the ceremony, we will invite these guests to come and join the ceremony. Actually, they're already here, but we're going to invite them anyway. So they're sure that they're welcome by us. They actually come even when uninvited. But it makes a difference when we invite them. So at the beginning of the ceremony, we will invite them by calling their names. So if you would like to help make them feel welcome, I would appreciate that.

[20:45]

And they would too. So again, at the beginning of the ceremony I will say, invoking the present and compassion of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas and our ancestors, Thus we begin the ceremony. And then I will say, I will invoke some guests who aren't on this list, and then I will say, let us recite the names of Buddha. And at that time, if you would, chant, Bhairochana Buddha Pure Dharmakaya Loveshchana Buddha, Kamli Sambhogakaya, Shakyamuni Buddha, Miriam Manakaya, Māyākṣhita Buddha of future birth.

[22:01]

All Buddhas throughout states and time, Lotus of the wondrous Dharma, Mahayana Sutra. Manjushri Bodhisattva, great wisdom. Sanatapattara Bodhisattva, great activity. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, great compassion. All honored ones, bodhisattva, mahasattvas, wisdom beyond wisdom, maha-prasnya paramita. Thank you.

[23:04]

Very good. And then at the end of the ceremony... We dedicate any merit that has developed during the ceremony to the enlightenment of all beings. And then we chant this other chant, which is also part of the dedication, which is like a cloud in an endless sky. And you can join that too. And then after that, we chant All Buddhas, Ten Directions. We do the Like a Cloud in the Endless Sky three times. And then we do All Buddhas, Ten Directions. So you can join that too. So you can keep these at your seat and share them. And yes, thank you very much. So again we have this situation of a formal ceremony

[24:06]

where one expresses intentions, expresses purposes. For example, yeah. Over and over there will be the expression of purpose or intention. At the beginning of the ceremony there's a part of the ceremony which is a formal confession part. And at that time we say this traditional phrase which is, all my ancient twisted karma. There's the action of saying, of referring to all my ancient twisted karma. So there's the action of referring to all action. And then there's a statement from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion.

[25:09]

And then born through body, speech, and mind. It should actually be in the opposite direction because it starts with mind, of course. Born through mind and ramified into body and speech. I now fully avowed And so they actually are saying that, I guess with the intention to say that, and perhaps also inwardly with the meaning of that, with the intention not just to say the phrase, but to be in accord with that statement. And then I asked them if they will receive the precepts and actually they will come forth towards the middle of the ceremony and they will offer incense and bow as a physical expression of requesting the precepts.

[26:35]

Their bodies will actually express The intention to request the precepts will be expressed through offering incense and bowing. Offering incense and bowing will be a cognitive act. It will be an intentional expression of wishing to receive the precepts. And then, even though they say that, I will still ask them, Now will you receive the precepts? I will ask them. And when I ask them, I intend that they will be able now to respond and be aware that they are intending to receive them. And they will probably say, Yes, I will. And then they will express these intentions. I take refuge in Buddha." They will say that intention. Their mind will somehow say... Their mind will be imbued in that statement and then they will be more or less in accord at that moment with taking refuge in Buddha.

[27:51]

But... And having that intention and saying those words has consequence. and according to the ancestors, a very, very significant consequence. Now, someone might say, well, if you say them but you don't mean them, then the consequence would be different than if you say, I take refuge in Buddha, or I go for refuge in Buddha. And you really, you really inwardly feel that. Inwardly, you're actually, your mind is shaped like, yes, yes, I really want to return to Buddha. Refuge means to fly back, refugiae.

[28:53]

I really want to go back to enlightenment. I really want to go back to and return to Shakyamuni Buddha. A consequence would be different if you just said, I take refuge in Buddha without inwardly really feeling in accord with that, really wanting that. At that moment, And there will be consequences for saying that and for really intending that inwardly. Can you hear me okay? By the way, if you have trouble hearing me during the ceremony, point to the sky. I'll understand that when you speak more loudly.

[29:55]

Okay? And if I don't seem to see you... I want you to be able to hear, okay? So, this ceremony, it will be an exercise for all of us, but especially for these two people, of exercising karma, hopefully skillful karma. And of course it's almost always pretty skillful to say, I want to return to enlightenment. And it's almost always skillful to confess past karma. And it's almost always skillful to vow to do good and to embrace and sustain all beings.

[31:00]

It's almost always good. However, if you return to where you are and pay close attention to the almost always good, I vow to embrace and sustain all beings," you will see, you will become clear that there is no inherent self to the good of that vow. Because the good of the vow, you know, and the realization of the good of the vow the boundaries of that realization are not distinct. Because it depends on the consequences of the vow. And the vow actually doesn't have any independent existence from all the things you've done in the past and all the things that you'll do in the future, which are also consequences of your present action.

[32:07]

So although there seems to be the intention to do good, how good it is doesn't have a self. And understanding that realizes the fundamental point. Still we have this ceremony and we do it as an exercise in studying ourself, in learning about what we are, in learning about what our intention is. Because the teaching is that karma is the problem and if you study it,

[33:09]

the problem is cured. If you find your place right where you are, and pay close attention to this action, the fundamental point will be realized, or the fundamental point is realized. And the boundary of realization is not distinct, for the realization comes forth simultaneously with the mastery of the Buddhadharma. So that doing the practice comes Realizing the practice happens simultaneously with the boundary of the realization, or the understanding and graspability of the realization.

[34:18]

So the realization cannot be grasped. So it says here, you know, towards the end it says, Do not suppose that what you realize becomes your knowledge and is grasped by your consciousness. although actualized immediately, the inconceivable may not be apparent. Its appearance is beyond your knowledge. What you realize Actually it says, don't suppose that what you realize becomes the object of your knowledge or is grasped by your consciousness. However, although it's not grasped by your consciousness, your realization is your consciousness. It's just that your consciousness doesn't grasp it, because it is the consciousness which has realized the practice.

[35:26]

And here's another way of putting it. Don't get the idea that attainment or realization necessarily becomes one's knowledge and view. Buddhas do not necessarily think they're Buddhas. Watch out for the idea that attainment necessarily, necessarily, it might necessarily, but not necessarily, become one's knowledge and view, that it would be known by discursive knowledge. Though realization, though realisational comprehension already takes place, implicit being is not necessarily obvious. Buddha way is fundamentally leaping.

[37:09]

And it's leaping beyond realization and delusion. It's leaping beyond self and no-self. It's leaping beyond birth and death. It's leaping beyond Buddhas and sentient beings. It's leaping. And someone might say, what's the difference between enlightenment and delusion? And one answer is, flowers fall when you like them, and weeds grow when you don't like them. One could play with that analogy or metaphor quite a bit.

[39:25]

One could say flowers are the blossoming of a plant. Flowers blossom, and if you attach to them, they fall. But also, flowers blossom and fall even if you don't touch them. You could also say, flowers blossom if you like them. But flowers blossoming if you like them, we don't mind that. We don't mind liking flowers and having them blossom. Our problem is that when the flowers blossom and we like them or attach to them, they fall. Weeds grow, and if we don't like them, they flourish.

[40:42]

But also weeds grow and flourish even if we don't have any feelings about them at all. when flowers bloom and then fall, even though we like them, it's a problem. When they bloom and fall and we're attached to them, it's a problem. It isn't exactly that our attachment causes them to fall, but it makes their falling very painful. And it isn't exactly that our dislike of weeds makes them flourish, although it's a factor at that time, but it's embarrassing.

[41:50]

In there is the difference between enlightenment and delusion. But they're not really separate. And even if they are separate, we leap beyond them in the Buddha way. One time a monk said to a teacher, the Flower of Dharma scripture says that the fundamental affliction of ignorance And you could almost change it and say the fundamental affliction of karma is itself the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. The fundamental affliction of delusion and ignorance is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. Immutable knowledge, unchangeable knowledge of all Buddhas.

[43:02]

What is the unchangeable knowledge of all Buddhas? It is ignorance itself. It is the fundamental affliction of ignorance itself. That's the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. What do all Buddhas know? They know about ignorance. They know about not knowing. They know about karma. And the monk said... That seems really difficult to understand. And the teacher said, Oh, I don't think so. Watch. And there was a boy sweeping nearby. And he called out to the boy, Hey, you! And the boy turned his head. And the teacher said, Is this not the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas?

[44:06]

And then he said to the boy, what's Buddha? And the boy hesitated and became perplexed and wandered off. And he said, is this not the fundamental affliction of ignorance? See the difference? Do you have any guidance for me? Any guidance or feedback? Is your name Paul?

[45:17]

It is, yeah. Jones? Yes. So is it when the Master says, hey you, the boy just turns around, it's like his natural response? Yeah. Yeah. But when the master says, what's Buddha? He's like, well, he's trying to sweep the floor. He's like, oh, you know, like, you freaked me out there. Yeah, that's too much. I don't know. He's kind of lost his way. He was sweeping and then... No, he wasn't sweeping anymore. He just turned. Oh, right. And then the teacher says, what's Buddha? And the Zen master's asking him, what's Buddha, right? So then what does he do? What happens at that time? Huh? He starts speaking. You say he starts thinking, but he is thinking. He is thinking. However, in the previous case he was thinking too. When somebody says, hey you, and you turn, that's an action which is imbued probably with your intention to turn your head.

[46:18]

There's thinking in the previous case too. In the second case, he's thinking, but he doesn't notice he's thinking. So he's caught by his thinking. The first case, he wasn't caught by his thinking. He was thinking and not caught by it. The second case, he was caught by it. He was caught by it because he didn't say, oh, now I'm going to give the teacher a good answer. This is a big deal. Hey, you is not a big deal, but what's Buddha from the Zen Master? Ooh. A thought comes up. The thought came up before. Hey you, the thought came up, and the head turned. There was thinking as he heard, and then there was that thinking ramified into the turning of the head. Now the question is, what, Buddha? And thinking comes up. But he was captivated.

[47:19]

He thought that now this is really interesting. And he's now enchanted by his thinking, drawn into them. This is the fundamental affliction right there. not aware of the pattern, but to be driven by it and feel like this is a substantial Zen master asking me about a substantial Buddha, asking me, a substantial person, about what is a substantial Buddha, and I've got to give a substantial correct answer. Like, he's asking me what Buddha is and I have to tell him rather than he just told me. So they're caught, and that's the fundamental affliction. However, to see the fundamental affliction and to see the immutable knowledge, all right, there they are.

[48:28]

But there's one more thing, and that is that the one is the other. If you would see the fundamental affliction, it would be the immutable knowledge. There's the immutable knowledge. There's the fundamental affliction. The fundamental affliction itself is the immutable knowledge. When you see the fundamental affliction itself, you enact the immutable knowledge. If you don't see the fundamental affliction itself, you enact the fundamental affliction. And I guess that makes sense, right? If the scripture said the fundamental affliction of ignorance being ignored is the fundamental affliction of ignorance. The fundamental affliction of ignorance thrives when you don't know it, when you don't learn about it.

[49:31]

That's not so surprising, is it? What's surprising is that the fundamental affliction of self is the immutable knowledge of Buddha. Not even that, not even that. This is even easier to understand. The fundamental affliction of ignorance, when studied, will lead to the immutable knowledge of Buddha. It's true, that's true. But this more dramatic and startling statement is that the fundamental affliction of ignorance of self is the immutable knowledge of Buddha. Because fundamental affliction itself is not separate from the understanding of it. If one can be aware, which one is, of the fundamental affliction as it arises, with no self of the awareness and the affliction, then all there is, is the fundamental affliction of ignorance itself.

[50:35]

and it can't catch anything. It can't catch the awareness which is arising with it, or the person who is experiencing it. When the fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself, period, that is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. So, in the story, The monk, in one case, shows the immutable knowledge. In the next case, he shows the fundamental fiction. And you get to look and see that the itselfness of one is the other. And once again, you might see how if you understood the way the fundamental affliction of ignorance is, then you would have the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas, which is true, except that they're still a little dualistic. This brings the immutable knowledge right there into the understanding of what this is.

[51:38]

And the understanding of what it is is not separate from it. When one side is illuminated, the other is darker. When you fully engage body and mind in the fundamental affliction of ignorance, it's not like the moon and its reflection in the water. There's just the reflection in the water, or just the moon. There's just the fundamental affliction of ignorance itself. And that itself is even the knowledgeable Buddha's. And when the monk turned his head, he probably still had, you know, he might still have had a deluded consciousness when he turned his head. However, the deluded consciousness itself, which was there when he turned his head naturally, itself was the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas.

[52:45]

There it was. That was it. And the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas didn't cause him any problems. However, the consequence of having a number of those, quite a few of those moments of deluded consciousness, of those kind of consciousnesses, was that when the question of what's Buddha happened, and then he was not into the fundamental affliction of ignorance itself, he was into the fundamental affliction, myself. me and my fundamental affliction. And therefore he was perplexed and stumbled off onto the monastic campus. But still, he was our great helper by providing an example itself. Any further guidance?

[53:49]

Maybe later. Maybe later? All right. Thank you. Any other guidance this morning or feedback? I just came up here to say that I think I'm fundamentally afflicted because I just don't get it. And I feel I should or I need to or it's like, you know, the fifth day of the retreat and I just don't know what you're talking about. Thank you for saying that. So not getting it is not the reason that one is fundamentally afflicted. But wanting to get it is an example of the fundamental affliction. So that's the fundamental affliction, is I want to get it. I want to get it. I want to get some good stuff here.

[54:53]

So that's the fundamental affliction. Now, that itself is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas, which you've got. However, don't think that that's going to become an object of your consciousness and your view. Don't think that. Don't think that. Don't get that idea, Linda. It's not going to be known by discursive knowledge. Yeah, so I was thinking... But that thing, you know, that thing of, I want to get it, that's the fundamental affliction, okay? That's a karmic pattern. I want to get it. That's a landscape of your consciousness, which you looked and saw and told me about. So that's good. Observing that is practice. It may not be terribly pleasant to observe it, but when I hear that you're observing it and can tell me about it, I'm happy that you're practicing.

[55:58]

And you could join that happiness, too, any time. So even though I'm looking at a grisly scene... of relationships between myself and the world, like I'm here and perfect knowledge is over there, and I kind of want to give it, but don't. That's a pattern of your thought. But if I'm watching that, I think, well, before Buddhas were Buddhas, they were doing the same thing. They were looking at patterns like this. Before they understood them, before that pattern was realized itself, before the body and mind fully engages with that pattern, and there's just that pattern, before that happens, everybody before that happened was like that, before it happened. So the gap between that pattern itself and you needs to be dropped.

[57:02]

And the more you study patterns like, I want to get it, the closer you are to just the pattern. And the pattern itself is the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. And the pattern itself, when looked at carefully, that pattern will clearly demonstrate that this pattern does not have a self. And that is the pattern itself. But still there's a little separation at least, and we say a hair's breadth difference is sufficient. Just a little bit off can seem like way off. There's a little bit of separation, there's a little bit of the moon and the reflection, the consciousness and the object, the person already here and the knowledge. All these kinds of separations, a little bit is enough to somehow magically dislodge or separate us from the pattern itself.

[58:12]

The pattern itself is the immutable knowledge. So you're aware of the pattern, but within the pattern is a picture or a drama or a story that you're separate from the knowledge. That's part of the pattern. But it's just a pattern, it's not a reality. It's a thought construction about the relationship between you and immutable knowledge. And that pattern itself is the affliction, if believed. But if studied, when you see the pattern itself, that's the immutable knowledge. So what about discursive thinking? Yeah, what about it? Because it's all discursive thinking what we are doing right now, or not. But it creates dualism, does it? Does discursive thinking create dualism?

[59:14]

So how to actually get it? Discursive thinking operates on dualism, and discursive thinking has trouble operating on non-duality, yes. But discursive thinking doesn't create the duality. Discursive thinking is slightly different from the construction of the appearance, of the image of separation between two things which dependently co-arise. Two things dependently co-arise and there can be an image that they exist separately. It's the imagination of them existing separately. Separate existences are just imaginary, but our minds can imagine separate existences. between things which are dependent on each other and aren't separate from each other. Our imagination can imagine independent existence of things which codependently arise. That imagination and the belief in that, and agreement with that, that's the problem.

[60:18]

Discursive thought then can elaborate on that. But discursive thought can also talk about it and say, this is delusion, this is fantasy. So discursive thought is very much... When there's this dualistic thinking, discursive thought arises with it and plays it out. The karma acts it out. The pattern is the karma. So there's the basic image of independent existence in the field, and then the field is the enactment of this delusion. And we're using discursive thought to direct our attention to this field, to direct our attention to our action, and to study the action, to learn the self which lives in the field. That's the work. And giving up discursive thought is something we should do part-time.

[61:23]

And giving up discursive thought creates this kind of temporarily open field where we're not getting that involved in our dualistic thinking. It's still sort of The image of duality still is appearing, but we're not getting into it. We're not being discursive about it and elaborating on it. And when we don't elaborate on it, we calm down. And when we calm down and feel buoyant and rested, then we feel more up to do certain kinds of work, which is actually... you know, you have to feel up, you have to sort of think it's really good to do in order to do it. And I mean to study yourself. Because it's, you know, Sometimes it's not clear that it's all that great to study the Self.

[62:28]

That's why we have this retreat where I'm banging the drum of how good it is to study the Self. It's so good to study the Self, because to study the Buddha Way is to study the Self. To learn the Self is to learn the Buddha Way. And if you want to learn the Buddha Way, which has this really great reputation, What does that translate into, in not such a nice way? Study the self. Learn the self. That's the actual grunt work of learning the Buddha way. But even when you hear, oh yeah, that sounds great, I want to study the self, but I actually don't want to. Because I'm tired, and tense, and depressed. So you have to practice giving up discursive thought, which will just elaborate on your tiredness and your stress, and make you feel more that way. Give it up, and then when you're relaxed, then you say, oh yeah, what's Buddha, what's the Buddha way again?

[63:34]

After you're relaxed and ready to play Buddha way, oh, it's studying the self. Okay. And what's studying the self? Oh, studying the self is, oh, Linda doesn't get it. That's my current version. Linda doesn't get it. And Linda wants to get it. That's learning about that. And if you lose interest in that, give up discursive thought again, relax, and you might want to come back and give it another try. A few mornings ago, You said that tranquility was a state, and once you're there, or once you've achieved it, it's not necessary to maintain it.

[64:47]

It's not necessary to continue the exercise which comes to fruit as tranquility. Okay. But the tranquility, sometimes tranquility lasts for like, you know, several days. without any, what do you call it, without any tune-up. Sometimes it doesn't last as that long, but it can last for like a week without any retraining. Because the type of training which produces, which supports in a pivotal way, tranquility, is not the same type of exercise which studies the self. studying the self is a little bit discursive, maybe. And anyway, the difference is that when you're practicing tranquility and if you see your thinking, you just see it. You don't reflect on your thinking when you're training in tranquility.

[65:55]

But when you're studying the self, you actually look at your thinking and you actually are like penetrating it. And that doesn't necessarily make you calmer. But it might. And the studying is an investigative quality? Is it a questioning? Is it discursive at all? Or just plain observation of what's happening, of the pattern? It's basically just plain observation. However, as you observe, It turns out that it gets into a little bit of playing around with the field of karma or the field of intention. A little bit of playing around starts to happen. So you can learn and test the difference between different angles of looking at it. So there is a kind of investigation and questioning. However, as you study more, you realize that the investigation and the questioning

[67:00]

are part of what you're studying, which is part of what you want to find out. So there is a kind of, in some sense, a little bit of input into the field does happen as you study it. And then you find out later that there doesn't need to be any input because the input actually was what you were studying. But at first, in order to find that out, you have to do this thing of making input because you're coming from the point of view of somebody separate from the field. So then somebody who's separate from the field, the meditator, makes contributions, and after a while you realize the contributions never were actually an input. So if one is, say, if I'm in the bubble of a mind, of a pattern that I see repeatedly, how to skillfully... aside from just saying, I realize that this is a pattern, there's no self involved here, but actually even feeling the sensations around it, how would I skillfully see that?

[68:06]

Aside from just noting that I am, I mean, how to break the bubble, basically, when something is coming up repeatedly? You move your hand to the left a few times. I think what I would recommend, first of all, is that you don't try to go too deeply in the moment because the moment's already over. But do it again. The more you do it, you realize that this bubble is actually not an abiding bubble. And the pattern inside the bubble, or the whatever, it's not abiding. So just do it repeatedly and you'll start to see an evolution in the pattern. Rather than thinking that you're going to make the evolution happen right now, By going deeper now, there's not time. But if you do the same effort moment after moment, finding your place moment after moment, it will start to look like there's a process of deepening or a process of investigation and unraveling and taking apart.

[69:11]

And the revelation of the bubble popping will occur. But not because you make it occur, but because events will disclose themselves as popped. So it's not necessarily a matter of just it wearing itself thin after a while. I mean, you get tired of the same pattern, but you've seen it. And you've seen the pattern. You know what's going on. You realize this is a pattern, but... The popping, will it wear itself thin or wear itself out? Or just had enough of it? You mean, will it be a popping or wearing thin? Yeah, could it be either? In a sense, there is a wearing thin, but even when it's thin, it basically is very thin in the first place. It's just a thought thick.

[70:14]

It's an image thick. There's just this image of separation over this field of interdependence. It's already thin, but the more you look at it, the more you're ready to accept it popping. And then when it pops... then you're ready for this other way of seeing it, which was interfered with by the bubble. So first of all, you see the self, this bubble over part of the pattern, a bubble of the pattern having separate existences in it. You study that, and then after a while, you can't find the separation, which is the same as the separation is popped. The separation, the graspability, is this very thin bubble over everything. The more you study it, the closer you get to the point where the bubble pops, where you can't find the separation. And then you're in a state of self-forgetting.

[71:18]

You can't find yourself. Then this other story can happen. And that's realizing the selflessness. But then the next thing that happens is you realize that everything that used to be separate is actually giving life to the self. Or giving life to the pattern. So that happens right after the bubble popping. But then in the next moment another bubble can arise. And then you can start studying again. But it does sort of happen all at once. But still, the more you study it, the closer you're getting for it to happen. Just going back to the tranquility you mentioned, you said it could last for some days. Yeah. Is that without discursive thought? No. No discursive thoughts. Yeah, you can like, you become calm and you can like pretty much be as discursive as you want. It's wonderful. Yeah. For this ceremony, Carol and Alan sewed these robes, you know, like I have here.

[72:26]

And when you become concentrated, you can turn into this little sewing machine. Okay. And sewing is discursive. You know, you go, you take Refugee Buddha, I take Refugee Buddha, I take Urdhva Dharma, I take Urdhva Sangha, and you take the needle and put it in a certain distance, and come up and make these little stitches of a certain size and a certain angle, and you do that. It is discursive, but it's like, you know, when you're concentrated, it's like, no problem. And you're doing it, but you're not getting excited or disturbed by this discursive thought. Now, there are certain kinds of discursive thought which, if you're calm, it doesn't mean that when you're calm you won't occasionally slip into forms of discursive thought which will really shake up your calm. But that's good to know, too, is that you can see, oh, that way, that kind of discursive thought is really agitating. Like heavy... grasping opinions in discursive thought, you'll notice that they might disturb the calm.

[73:31]

But if you drop them, then you can sometimes plunge right back into the calm. This is not the come of samadhi, or is it a form of samadhi? It's samadhi, yeah. It is. Well, samadhi could be, samadhi is a type of this type of tranquility. So the basic thing, the basic category could be called tranquility. And then within tranquility we have what are called the jhanas or trances, which are particularly deep kinds of tranquility practices. And then samadhi is sometimes used as when in tranquility you realize that the awareness and object of awareness are one point. So that is also something that can happen in tranquility. And that's a case where tranquility seems to flow into insight, where you realize that the subject and object are one. And that's another way to put when you're tranquil, and you fully engage body and mind, hearing a sound, then one side's illuminated and the other side's dark.

[74:43]

In other words, there's just a sound. There isn't the awareness of the sound and the sound. And that's samadhi, when there's just a sound. So samadhi is that way of being in tranquility When there's a hearing of the sound and there's just the heard. When there's a seeing of sight and there's just the sight. Now there could also be awareness of the awareness and then there would be no sound and be no sight. So that way of using samadhi is a special kind of insight. I mean, a special kind of concentration, which is simultaneously insight. Is that practiced in the monasteries? I mean, do you practice this in a single point of concentration where you are?

[75:46]

In general, I mean, you teach that. We did this morning here. Remember this morning I said, in the herd, there'll be just the herd. And then I also said, fully engaging body and mind, hearing sounds, fully engaging body and mind. You grasp things immediately, not like the moon in the water. Not like the moon and its reflection in the water, just the reflection in the water, or just the moon. Usually people first have experienced that there's a reflection in the water and there's not somebody in addition to the reflection in the water. You hear a sound and there's not the sound plus, plus, who is that again? There's just a sound. So I was recommending and practicing that this morning, trying to practice fully engaging body and mind, hearing the birds. And were you practicing that this morning too?

[76:55]

Practicing it doesn't mean the same as attaining it. Just like practicing tranquility or training in tranquility doesn't mean that you've attained tranquility. You're trying to give up discursive thought. You want to give up discursive thought. There's the intention to give up discursive thought, but it's a strong habit, so it takes a long time to give it up. Then when you give it up, then you have to keep it up for a while. It isn't just one moment of giving up discursive thought and boop, immediately you go into tranquility. Some people are that fast, but most people, they have to do it many times of giving up discursive thought. But many times happen in one period of meditation. In thirty minutes there's a lot of times. There's many, many times. So in one period, if you actually, the whole period you gave up discursive thought, that might be sufficient for you to actually attain tranquility. Yes? I did have some tranquility till I walked up here.

[78:13]

I've been enjoying bringing some sunshine into the sort of layers of intention that I've been watching and been given the gift of being able to have the space to watch. Because there's the big intention that seems to be the sort of grosser level one of being here with the vow of practicing together and for the benefit of all beings. But then when I started sort of the excavation, it seems there are all these, on a very subtle level, these even just momentary and cellular intentions that I've been able to watch. And some of them are not... So I think I've seen a lot, a hungry ghost is what came to me this morning of, uh, just this very sort of a lot of subtle, probably car, ancient karma kind of on coming up to the light of, of, of day.

[79:28]

And, um, just sort of needing to kind of bring it further into the light. And because coming up here is one of, one of the difficulties that I have and it's, I've sat many retreats with rep and, um, been so inspired by everyone else's sharing, um, And realizing so much that you're all me, like everything that comes from you is also coming from me. And a deep gratitude for that. And just a gratitude for calm, calming practice. So that I don't... I was able to look at that hungry ghost this morning without, I realized, without the layer of judgment that would come in and say that's a bad thing or judge it, say good or bad. And that's... I mean, I don't really have a question, but I think that's a process that's been...

[80:33]

occurring. So, again, she's, she's, she referred to, she said gross, but I think she meant vast. This is in large. Vast vows. Vows to learn to live for the welfare of all beings, those vast ones. And then there's the moment-by-moment ones. And some of the moment ones are like, oh, it's breakfast time. And there seems to be a purpose there, to go to breakfast and eat. And then number one is, Are you aware of the intention to go to breakfast? That's the first thing. Now, the next thing is, in that field of wishing to go to breakfast, is there also any wish to go to breakfast for the welfare of all beings?

[81:38]

No. There isn't, maybe. But now that I've asked, there is. Now that I'm looking at the story of going to breakfast, and now that I wonder if there's also the intention to go to breakfast for the welfare of all beings, now there is the intention to go to breakfast for the welfare of all beings, now that I look. That won't always go that way, but it can go that way. The key thing is you look. So if you wish to live for the welfare of all beings, that's great. Then the next moment, you want to go to breakfast. That's great too. The most important thing is you look to see, oh, there's the intention to go to breakfast. Once you're looking, you're cooking. Then you can see, well, is there, you know, are those wishing to go to breakfast, okay? Whatever, it could be, the story could be enlarged and get,

[82:44]

Look pretty bad, positive. I'm wanting to go to breakfast, not for the welfare of other beings. As a matter of fact, I want to get ahead of those other beings before such and such is gone. And I don't care about the other people on the dining room. But I have the joy of being aware of this pattern, this karmic pattern. That's what's important. I'm kind of an evil person right now. because I had this evil intention to have breakfast just for me. But I'm a disciple of Buddha because I'm studying this. You can have evil consciousness and be a disciple of Buddha if you're studying it. But if you have a good consciousness and you're not aware of it, you're not practicing the Buddha Dharma. Because Buddha Dharma is studying yourself. And then again, sometimes you study yourself and then you notice the pattern evolves. and gets full of all kinds of wonderful intentions, which is great.

[83:48]

These vast intentions start to come back and dive into the daily activities of eating and sleeping. That's wonderful. That tends to promote more looking at these patterns. Since I want to help beings, that has a consequence of me wanting to study karma more. The key thing is you study these things. And now she's studying, she found this morning, she looked, she saw a pattern, and it was kind of, either it was a hungry ghost pattern or it was a pattern that had some hungry ghosts visiting the pattern. not clear whether it was a hungry ghost pattern or just some hungry ghost in the pattern, in the bleachers. And sitting in the middle of this lovely Buddhist pattern, you see the hungry ghost, you say, hi kids, you're welcome here too. Any hell dwellers want to watch me? You're all welcome. It's the study of the pattern, the awareness of your daily actions, whoever is there in that pattern.

[84:52]

And the more you study the pattern, the more you realize that we and all the hungry ghosts are practicing together. And hungry ghosts give us life. And we can teach them that. And when they see that, they won't be hungry ghosts anymore. But anyway, good work. Thank you. Including a dream, major hungry ghost dream now, that you were actually the hungry ghost. And now that I see it, it just this sort of, it was a really amazing, just two nights ago before I saw it, this pattern this morning, and I just thought, whoa. And a lot of this seems to happen in reflection. A lot of the actual study so far, I sort of find myself doing things and then going, there I go again. That's the way. You get out through the back door, that's fine.

[85:55]

Okay. I don't want to talk, but I am. Basically, I realized this morning that the intention behind my actions has been to protect myself. Listening to everybody talking in the previous days and I've been thinking, shall I talk, shan't I? Shall I say something, shan't I? What shall I say? Can you hear her? Do I want to say anything?

[86:56]

She's saying things softly, huh? It's hard for her to say this loudly, but please say it loudly. And basically I realized that not talking has been my protection and Lots of what I do has been about protecting myself. The things that I do have been about to protect myself. Very good that you saw that. Very good. And some other people, they try to protect themselves by talking a lot. You're trying the silent approach? But you know that you're becoming aware of your karma. You're seeing the pattern and you're seeing how, oh, there's me, there's them, there's the quiet, and then there's a sign of, oh, to protect over here from over there.

[88:03]

Okay. That you're waking up. That's great. And I've realized that I wouldn't have realized that without my family, without my upbringing, without all the things that happened. Right. And I realized that in my need to protect myself I have been blocking myself and I recognize that I have been blocking other people and for that I am sorry But I'm also very thankful. You're also what? Very thankful. And what are you thankful for? For realizing. Yeah. Thankful for realizing what your actions are. Yes. Thank you.

[89:12]

Any more feedback? Yes. This is just feedback, which is just something that I wanted to share for the last three days. When you said, the herd is just the herd, I've imagined wildebeest. LAUGHTER And I've been trying to understand. LAUGHTER Can I just support you on that? It was the first time I heard it the same, and the scene is just the scene.

[90:27]

I saw the scene of the movie. So I'm with you entirely. Fortunately, it works either way. It's just that your example is a little harder to get the hang of it. Raise your hand if you can't hear.

[91:38]

Okay. And raise your hand if you hear me too much also. I don't know. Are you hearing okay? Yes. Well, in this retreat I have discovered a new intention that I wish to pursue. I also have been getting some ideas of the action to take up all this intention. And I think it's an intention that maybe other people share here and I'm going to make it clear. I'm not going to speak only in concept, but I'm going to contextualize it. I'm going to say what this is about. It's about now being an older mother and wanting to carry on being still a mother to my children, who are now grown-up adults, but who maybe could still benefit from me as being a spiritual mother.

[92:43]

But I'm not quite sure, because it's a new area in a way. I'm not quite sure how to go about it. I don't want to go wrong. In this room, there's a young man who is similar age to my son, and I would like that we invite him here. next to you, and then we can do a little bit of, not so much role-playing, but I could ask him some question, because you're no longer a young man, although you... You know, you started practicing very young, and that's... Should we see if he wants to come up? Yeah. Who is this young man? Paul. Paul. Would you like to come up, Paul? Are you okay with this? Yeah, well, at least now, before she flops down.

[93:49]

So she wants to practice being your spiritual mother? Kind of, yeah. Yeah, let's see what happens. I might benefit. You're a young person and you came here obviously to find out more things about yourself or maybe improving your quality of life or something. What if your parents would have given you this guidance? At your age you are now, in a form of letter or approaching you, you're going to say, hmm, what you ought to? How would you respond to this? It's kind of, in this context, you know, your mother or your father, it's not important, mother or father, your parents have gone away and they've come back wanting to be

[94:54]

more caring, deeply more caring to you, and they see you doing a few things they don't quite like. How would you respond to their approach? What would be, in your point of view, the best way to approach you? Just in a way that's regular, that's natural. So it would be a bit odd if my parents did that. And I'd maybe be a bit taken aback. If my mum did it, then I think, yeah, I would think, okay, she might have a point. If my dad did it, then I think he's trying to make me into a businessman or something. That's his usual objective. So I think just then if they do what's natural, if they just do what they've always done with me. And I guess if I'm not open to it, then... then I'm not going to listen, just like here. If I'm not open to what rep or anybody else is saying, then it might not make any difference to me.

[96:00]

I don't know. I wasn't referring to a career approach. Maybe your habits. Let's put a card on the table. If your mom taught you drinking a little too much, and you're not a child anymore, so it's not a question to tell you don't drink, but she would like to point out to you the benefit of not drinking for the better of yourself. Not for her to forbid you. What I'm saying is now, how can we as parents guide our children? You'll always be someone's child. Believe me, once you lose your parents, you know that maybe you missed that a little bit. So what would be a least offensive way and yet effective way to point out ways, to point out to your ways which are a little... questionable and a little bit deluded. Well, I don't know.

[97:05]

I mean, to some extent I have the same thing with my parents. I'm trying to get them to stop drinking. He's ahead of the game. if you were drinking but if you were drinking too much what would be a good way for your son to help you not drink too much what do you think would be what would you appreciate him how would you appreciate him talking to you if you were doing something that he didn't think was good for you. Maybe drinking is not a good example because you don't have that problem. Let's say you were doing something else. Is there anything you do that's not good? Do you ever do anything that your son might not like that you also agree is not good?

[98:08]

Frances, is there anything? Does she ever do anything that her son might want her to work on? Can you think of anything, any area that you're challenged and that your son might want to help you with? She sometimes wants him to change things that he's not interested in changing. Okay, so let's say you're trying to change him in ways that he doesn't want to change. What would be a good way for him to help you with that? Tell me to use a different approach, maybe? So, mom, would you please use a different... Then I always start with explaining why.

[99:23]

Excuse me, you ask her to use a different approach. Oh, I need to listen. And then... And then you can ask him about that approach. Yeah, yeah. So you would be open to dialogue about this? You'd do it verbally? Yeah? Yeah. But if I'm, I don't know, maybe I'm not very comfortable and it might be good in written form, just every form, then from lots of different angles, you might have to do a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but then also not expect that he's going to do what you want. Yeah. I think I'd like to think that I could be effective. You'd like to think you could be effective. I think it's okay to think that you can be effective, but I think, may I say something? Yeah, of course. I think that when we want people to change, like if someone's sick, we want them to be well, or if they're doing some behavior that we would like them to stop,

[100:34]

that what I recommend is that we, if we want to, that we give them a gift of telling them that we want them to stop. Not to do something to get them to stop, but to give them a gift of letting them know that we want them to stop. But a gift isn't given to get in effect. I'm losing you now. If I say to you, Bernadette, I'd like you to... I'd like you to be more accepting of your son. I might say that to you. But I say that to you, and I would like you actually to be more accepting of your son. I might. But... I give that to you as a gift, and I look to see if I'm really giving that to you without trying to get you to be that way. And then if you don't become more accepting from my point of view of your son, I gave you that gift, but I'm not frustrated with you because I really wasn't trying to manipulate you with that gift.

[101:49]

I was just giving it to you. I think I've done that already in doing the retreat. A retreat has the effect of making you a little keener, if anything, a bit more responsible of your action. Yeah. So now I have new... new ways to act upon. I feel that it's time for me to move on. I feel it's irresponsible of me just to sit back and say, oh, well, you know, that's the world today or something like this. When something keeps coming back in your mind, you have to address it. Right? You let it sit for many days or weeks or months and then you feel that you have a calling that it's time that you say something. And I'm saying if particularly from parent to child if the parent expresses his or her wish for the children if the children feel that the parents are doing that to try to get them to be that way even if they agree with you

[103:01]

they may not be able to follow through on what you're asking. Actually, if they have a job, and you tell them you want them to do the job, and they feel like you're telling them that to keep them in the job, even though they like the job, they might have to quit. Because they need to make sure that they're not staying in the job because you're controlling them into the job. So you can drive your children from things you like them to do, and they like to do, by telling them to do it, or by even asking them to do it, in order to get them to do it. That's very much what I'm very concerned about now, not to do it wrong. Right. But if you see him doing something that you like, and you want him to continue, or if he's doing something you don't like, and you want him to stop, if you can learn to tell him, I want you to continue. Like if he's a good husband, I want you to continue being a good husband.

[104:05]

You're great, and I want you to continue. Or if he's not such a good husband, and you say to him, I really want you to stop doing that, relating to your wife that way. I want you to stop. And be very clear about it. But do it as a gift. And tell him, I'm telling you this, but I'm not telling you to get you to be that way. I'm telling you that so you know what your mother wants. Because I'm your mother, and I want you to know, and I have feelings, and I want you to know what these are, because this is very important for you to know in your life, that your mother wants you to stop doing that and start doing this. And you have to look in yourself and see if it's true that I'm telling you this, but not to get you to do it, but to tell you I want you to do it. And then he will test you, probably, by not doing what you ask him to do, to see if you really are accepting him, whatever he does. Is that difficult? My children, they were very good when they were young.

[105:06]

And now, they're adults, I don't want to... I don't want to play... I don't want to do a wrong thing. You know, I want to respect them. But I still feel I could say something to them. You can say something. You have plenty to say to them because you're their mother. And you have feelings about everything they do. And so you have all these gifts you can give. The gift of you. You are the gift to them. You are their mother. You're the only mother they've got. And what you feel is extremely important. And what you think is extremely important. You have these gifts to give. But if you take what you are and use that to try to control them at all, that will be bad. No, I don't want to control it. So if you can learn this thing of saying, hey, hi, this is Bernadette, your mom. And you know I have lots of feelings. And they say, yes, we do.

[106:07]

And you said, I would like to give you some of my feelings as gifts, not as something to control you, but just so you know what's going on with me. Would you like to receive such gifts? And they might say, not right now. And then they may come back a week later and say, okay, today I want to know how you feel, what it was that you wanted to give me. And they say, okay, I still want to, here it is. And then they can see if it was a gift or a manipulation. Hmm. Because everything you do influences them. And they want to make sure that you're aware that what you say influences them, and that you're trying not to influence them, but to give them gifts. The gift of you, which is extremely valuable when it's a gift. But the thing about it being a gift is you give it with no expectation that you'll get back anything, but in particularly also if you give your wish for them to do something, you don't do it to get them to do it.

[107:13]

Otherwise, it will backfire, usually, especially with your children. Some people, if you tell them what you want them to do, and they feel like you're trying to manipulate them, and they want to do it anyway, they'll go ahead and do it even though you're trying to get them to do it. They won't let your manipulation, your attempt at manipulation, they won't let you derail them from something they really want to do anyway. But your own children, you can derail them from what they want to do by telling them to do it. And they can be doing something good, which they love to do, and they want to do, and then you come over and say, Please continue to do that. And they feel like you're doing that not to express that you want them to do it, but to get them to do it. And they just can't keep doing it. They have to stop doing it because you told them.

[108:14]

And they feel terrible because you robbed them of their thing. It was their thing. They wanted to do it. And you thought, that's your thing and I want you to do it. But because you said it in a manipulative way to try to keep them on this good track, they feel like you robbed them. and they have to quit and go find something else. Maybe something that you won't ask them to do. Ever. And then they'll see, now will you try to get me to stop? That's the key thing with parents. Give gifts. Do not give yourself to control them. And many parents cannot believe this with little children. They just can't believe me when I say this. But certainly, at some point, you got to start. And now is the time. This is a spiritual practice. This is a spiritual mother's way. This isn't a worldly practice.

[109:17]

This is a spiritual practice. This is a practice of enlightenment. This is enlightenment, to be able to give yourself with no expectation. For me to say these words with you without trying to manipulate you into agreeing with me or practicing what I'm saying. So now I give this to you and then if you won't practice this way I can look to see am I happy with you even though you totally rejected this gift? If it's a gift, I'm happy. I see a young person energetically raising her hand. Please come up here. Is this a continuation of the same topic? I don't know. We'll see. It's a fellow young person. It's a young person. What's your age, Paul? Twenty-six. Twenty-six. And your age? Twenty-five. Twenty-five. Perfect age. Okay. I think... I would agree with Rev, not because... Not because they're manipulating you.

[110:29]

He's manipulating me. Not because I perceive that he's manipulating me. I think also as someone who... has had perhaps a similar experience to what perhaps your husband describes your son may be feeling. I think when my mum in the past has tried to tell me what to do, I also kind of Reacted quite abruptly and would go completely against what it was that she was saying, but I think Because she was wanting to tell me how to behave rather than give me a gift I experienced it as rejection as if She wanted me to be a particular way or behave a particular way or speak a certain way or do a certain thing and

[111:33]

And that wasn't how I wanted to be. So for me, I experienced it as rejection, as if you're not good enough, you're not capable enough, you're not able enough, because I want you to be like this, and you're being like this. Whereas with my godmother, who would give me gifts... I was much more likely to think, oh, okay, and put it to the back of my mind for maybe a couple of weeks. And then afterwards come around and think, oh, when my Auntie Yvette said that to me, oh, yeah, maybe I could think about that some more and maybe I could behave that way some more. And actually it was through living with my godmother and spending time with my godmother that I actually kind of came off the path that I was on. So, yes, to go back to what I said originally, is that I agree with Reb in that if in your heart you feel like you're saying what you're saying because you want your children to change, you want them to become something else, then you may find that you get this kind of adverse reaction where they're not taking what you're saying on board.

[112:52]

Whereas if you can... have in your heart the reassurance that you do truly love them regardless of whatever they do or whatever they present themselves with and that you offer them this advice as a gift then maybe not straight away but more likely in time you will get perhaps Are there texts or books written on Buddhist parenting, like that you could broach the subject with your children in a kind of written way at first, that kind of thing? That might be easier. That might be. Could I say something? I will write a book about that. I have a slight difference with what Kamesha said, okay? Not exactly a difference, but a kind of startling additional comment.

[113:54]

I want to say that it is possible to say to anybody, stop throwing rocks, or stop doing that. and you want them to stop. You love them, I love my grandson, and I want him to stop throwing rocks at me or at the house. I do want him to stop, okay? But it is possible for me to say, stop throwing rocks strongly, but not to get him to stop. And also, he doesn't stop anyway. But to say it as a gift, I do want him to change, but I'm not saying that to get him to change. I'm saying that because I want him to say, I want him to stop, and also I'm saying it, and it's the truth, I want you to stop, but I also want to give the boy a gift.

[114:56]

I love giving him gifts. And I want to give him this gift right now, because this is how, I want to give him his grandfather. He's got a grandfather, I'm it, I give it to him. Of course, it's also possible to say, stop throwing rocks, and just do that primarily to control him and make him stop throwing rocks. And that's not a gift. He may stop if I say stop throwing rocks as a manipulation. He may not stop if I say stop throwing the rocks as a manipulation. Does that make sense? But if I say stop throwing the rocks as a gift, he also may stop or may not stop. But he sees, and if it's truly that way, he sees his grandfather giving himself. He sees giving. He sees enlightenment rather than controlling. But it isn't that you love people and you don't sometimes want them to change path.

[116:00]

You can love someone and see them heading towards disaster. And you can say, I want you to change your path. But that's the part where you seem to differ, that you think that if your mother loved you, she wouldn't want you to be different from what you are. She could want you to be different. However, if she loves you, the person you are now, who she would like you to change, this person she loves and wants to give the gift of telling you that. But it's very difficult for us to see that our parents could be that way because it's a rare thing that parents are that way. It's a rare thing that anybody's that way. And especially if she has been not giving you gifts for a long time and rather trying to manipulate you into what she thinks is a healthy daughter, then it's harder for you to see suddenly if she would suddenly switch from that to generosity. Whereas your godmother... maybe you don't have that history with, so if she relates to that way, maybe it's easy for you to see.

[117:04]

But whether it's easy for the child to see or the next generation to see or not, it's the same in teaching Buddhism to adults. If I give these things to you to manipulate you into being Buddhas or great meditators or changing your attitudes, if I do that, then I'm not being generous and I'm not a disciple of Buddha. I'm just a manipulator. But I don't want to be that way. I just give, give, give, give. That's what I wanted to do. Give, give, give, with no expectation. And of course, although I do that, I see all these wonderful results, but I'm not trying to manipulate you. So it is possible to want someone to be different while totally appreciating the way they are now and giving your whole life to them. with no expectation that this will make them become that way. And if they ever suspect that maybe you are being generous rather than manipulative, they may want to now say, maybe she's doing something different this time.

[118:12]

Maybe she's actually just giving me the gift of my mother, letting me know about my mother, and she's not trying to get me to be a different way, and she also wants me to be a different way. So I will test her. I will not do what she says and see how she responds. And if she's giving, she may give again a similar comment. But not hate me for not doing what she said. And keep loving me. And sometimes children have to do it over and over and over to see if the mother or father keeps loving them while they keep asking them to do something different from what they're doing. And finally they become sure, and that's the most important thing to find out, is that they love me and they love me so much that they're not trying to control me. But you may have to test to make sure.

[119:13]

And not all parents have learned this trick called being generous, to say the least. Okay? I wasn't so concerned... Thank you very much. Is that okay what I said? Does that make sense? I wasn't so concerned that I'm not sufficiently generous. I thought the situation needed a forward sort of... Excuse me, may I say something? You are a very generous person, that's for sure. But sometimes it's possible that you think you're giving a gift but that you're trying to get something with the gift. It's possible. That's what we have to watch out for. Can you give the gift of telling someone that you want them to do something, and you do want them to do it, to say, I want you to do this, I really do want you to do this, and you're not doing it to get them to do it.

[120:23]

There are some gifts where you maybe give someone lunch and you have no expectation that they'll eat it. You give them lunch and they don't eat it and you notice that you had no expectation that they would and you feel fine that they didn't eat it. Of course it's also possible to make someone a really nice lunch and they don't eat it and you feel really insulted and angry and hate them and throw it at them. This happens sometimes. There's a story about Nagarjuna, the great Buddhist teacher, you know. He told his student, his great student, Aryadeva. He sent him on an adventure to go and debate somebody in the north of India. And he says, on the way up there to debate this person, you may be asked to give a gift. And if you give the gift... and do not regret giving the gift, you will get the gift back. But if you expect anything when you give the gift and have any regret afterwards, then you won't get it back.

[121:33]

This is an amazing story. But anyway, this is the story. So he's walking along from South India to North India. and a blind man asked him for one of his eyes. And this is before, you know, they had the surgical procedures to transplant eyes. You know, they had surgical procedures to remove eyes. We've had those for a long time. But to replant them is more modern in discovery. So anyway, he took his eye out of his eye and gave it to the blind man. And the blind man tried to implant it and was unsuccessful. And he got angry and smashed the eyeball on a stump. And when the great sage Aryadeva saw that he had smashed the eyeball, he regretted having given it and didn't get it back. And after that his name changed from Aryadeva to Kanadeva, which means one-eyed Deva, one-eyed God. So the test is you give gifts and if they don't, you make lunch for somebody, if they don't eat it or if they throw it on the floor, if it's a gift, you don't regret having given it.

[122:50]

You maybe regret that they threw it on the floor, you know, that they're not paying attention to what they're doing, but that's not exactly, you don't regret, you're just sorry that they're not paying attention. And if you give advice and people don't take it, if it's a gift... You're not angry at them because you didn't expect them to do it. You may be sorry that they don't follow your advice for them, but you're not frustrated for your gift. But still, give this person to those children. This is a wonderful thing. I thought I had. No, you had, but continue. Continue this. But now learn the spiritual way of being a mother, which is to give this person to them with no expectation. Then you'll be their spiritual mother in addition to their biological mother. You are their biological mother.

[123:52]

You've done a wonderful job. Now teach them the magical practice of giving, which is Bernadette saying what she wants with no expectation, which they may gradually notice something has changed. And they will be very happy with this. And so will everyone in the universe. I'm sorry, we've got people late. No, we're not late. We still have a few minutes before lunch. So, is that enough for this morning? We can have lunch now? Yes, Jill? I just wanted to say that currently my friend is being buried. couldn't be there because I chose to be here. And I wondered if there's some prayer that perhaps everyone could take me just to honor that I wanted to have that heard.

[125:04]

One feeling I have is we could do a ceremony later today and dedicate the merit of that ceremony to your friend. But that ceremony would take a little longer than three minutes. So maybe before dinner, we could do a ceremony for your friend. Okay? And we can do something right now, but it's kind of short notice and people... There's this intention to go to lunch happening. But I think we'll end the last period a little early and do a ceremony for your friend tonight. Okay? You're welcome. May our intention equally extend to every being in place with the true merit of Buddha's way.

[126:04]

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