I tried to. Oh, it works. I was told it wasn't going to work. I tried to. Please pardon, we're having some trouble with this. Oh, all right. Each week I try to give talks which are in response to practice of those of you who I practice with most.

[01:15]

And sometimes I forget that coming to these lectures, particularly here in the city, many of you are not even beginners but disinterested or barely interested. You're not even maybe beginning to practice Buddhism. Anyway, for some reason you find yourself here. And you don't know, it doesn't make any sense maybe, why even we have practice or a place to practice in. So I thought this morning I would recapitulate a little. Why do we have Buddhist practice?

[02:24]

And one answer is because you want it. And that's very important. You want it. As I told people at Green Gulch in Tassajara when Mumon Roshi gave me a fan which says on it, the clear wind is in your own hand. And the fact that you want to practice or you want Buddhism. Rinzai says somewhere, if, what does he say, some word like decorate. That if you want to decorate or if you're looking for some decoration, you'll be always confused.

[03:28]

But if you realize you're the decorator, anyway, some funny word like decorate he uses, then there'll be no problem. So you want to practice Buddhism, you want this practice and so you should use it in that spirit. Another answer is if you look carefully at your life or what your parents told you or civilization tells you or your conscious mind tells you, it's not completely satisfying. Something is missing. Like trying to, maybe it's like trying to figure out pi, you know, pi is 3.14, maybe 444444.

[04:28]

You know, no matter what explanation you use, it doesn't work exactly. But you can draw a circle, you know. So, recently a book was published by a man named Wasun, which seems to have established pretty definitely that the Soma spoken of in the most early Indian text, which are among the most, perhaps the earliest religious documents in the world, Soma is probably a mushroom, a psychedelic type mushroom, you know. And it's no accident that many people are interested in Buddhism from using psychedelics. So if you look carefully at your life,

[05:39]

somehow it doesn't quite add up. So we can explain it by saying there's God, you know. And there may be God. Buddhism doesn't say that there isn't one exactly. But Buddhism isn't, doesn't, tries not to find an explanation. Tries not to find an explanation. You know, God is some kind of explanation which makes 3.14 come out to 3.145, you know. Which makes it complete in some way. And Buddhism is an incomplete teaching. It's not absolute teaching, it's some tentative understanding. Which you complete.

[06:41]

So it's not necessary, you know, to have either Soma to introduce you, or God to explain for you. By the way, there's much room here. So if you move this way, people in the back can find. It really is a wonderful experience to be on this end of it. Okay. Hmm.

[08:03]

So, although for many people it may be quite useful to have some, some explanation given them, which gives them a wider sense of their being. And, you know, some religion. And it may be useful also for them, who don't have the ability to observe carefully themselves, the gap, you know, to have some experience with psychedelics, which shows them that their usual understanding of life is too narrow. But Zen, you know, says, since ancient times there have been people

[09:08]

who have known what or how wide our life is without Soma or any explanation. And this way is the way that's most open to everyone, but also perhaps most difficult. There are some dangers in having an explanation, and there are some dangers in having some contrast between your ordinary experience and psychedelic experience. So Buddhism is some kind of, is a response to what happens when you look at yourself carefully.

[10:14]

When you look at yourself carefully and you see that somehow, you know, physics doesn't explain the world satisfactorily, you know, civilization doesn't explain the world satisfactorily. Something's missing, you know. And you yourself, in your activity, find some uneasiness, some difficulty in the way you exist. We either, you know, there's a definition of an optimist, is someone who thinks this is the best possible of all worlds, and a pessimist is someone who's sure he's right, that this is the best possible of all worlds. So that's a kind of joke, you know.

[11:15]

But actually we get caught in that, you know, wanting the world to be... Either we condition it, thinking it's the worst or it's the best or... But for a Buddhist, it's neither the worst nor the best. It just is what it is. And if you don't know what it is, without that detachment, you can't function in it with ease and appropriateness. So the reference point for Buddhism is always things just as they are. Just as they are, without Soma, you know, or without God, without anything except what you have at this moment. But things as they are, you know...

[12:25]

Recently I worked on the English of the Ryakufasatsa ceremony done since ancient times on full moon night, or day, and in that translation and in many Buddhist texts, we are limited in English to saying all being or all beings. In Japanese and Chinese, they have many ways, slightly different characters, kanji, you know, for all and for being. And it's a very wide idea of being, in which everything, the whole universe is intelligent.

[13:25]

So our reference point, maybe if Buddhism has a reference point, it's all being. And so what is our relationship to it? We try to save all beings, which is of course impossible, or possible only in some dimension of time and space which we can't conceive. So our practice is always incomplete. Neither can we save all beings, nor can we know, in the usual way, exactly what we are. But if the reference point for Buddhism is things just as they are,

[14:36]

all you can do, without any idea of enlightenment, or without a rejection of enlightenment, all you can do is look at what that space you are is. Even willing to give up any complete experience of that. You know, if you think, now I'm going to start practicing Buddhism, and eventually I'll have some complete experience of myself and all things. That's not our practice. Silence.

[15:53]

Silence. Given this much, you know, that you've, you know, maybe Buddhism is for people who are not easily satisfied. You know, you, somehow you can't, oh this is good enough, you know, I'll accept this explanation. Somehow the explanations, if they're not perfect, you're not satisfied with them. So if you're that kind of person, and somehow you see that your conscious mind, this description of the world for you, is not accurate, and what science says is not accurate, it barely touches, you know, what this world is, you know,

[17:23]

then the next thing is, what do you do about it? You can either have some explanation that satisfies it, you know, or you can content yourself with some kind of experience which satisfies you. But if you can't be satisfied in that way, then you have no alternative but to find some way to continually renew the experience of your authentic existence. And you'll find that you get caught, and you, by the way your mind works,

[18:29]

and if you're serious about this and will only be satisfied by your authentic existence, you begin to practice bringing yourself back, and back, you know. If you're easily satisfied, oh, now I've solved most of my problems by practicing yoga or practicing Zen, so I won't practice anymore. That's quite all right. But some people can't be satisfied at this point, and so we continue practicing. I think most people, maybe 99% of people, are, when they're thinking, are fooled by their thinking.

[19:37]

Maybe most people, when they're not thinking, are not fooled, maybe. So I don't mean that 99% of the population is deluded. When they're thinking, I think they're deluded, actually. But most people don't think so much, actually. Maybe they think enough to cause a great deal of trouble at crucial moments of decision. Yeah. So it's not, if you understand what I'm saying, it's not necessary to practice Zazen, or practice Buddhism, or be here, even. But most of us,

[21:10]

um, need to find time to return to our, to return to the kind of basic experience of ourself, which Zazen is. And other people want you to do so. Hmm. I think I've said enough, no? Is there some questions about this you want to talk about? What do you think other people want you to do?

[22:13]

Other people want you to practice? Don't you think that's true? I wasn't quite sure what it says here. Other people who are practicing, people who feel they can't practice themselves. If you practice Buddhism, you know, uh, there are various ways I can answer, you know, but when you first start practicing, you, hmm, anyway, what I say is true. So, that, um, people want you to practice, you know. I don't like explanations, but anyway, if you want, I'll try. Um,

[23:14]

because as soon as I explain, there's contradictions, you know. Beginning student, some beginning students, every place they go, they do Zazen and they sit there in a semi-trance while there's a party going on about them, you know. And that's not what I mean. And, um, and some students, uh, push themselves to, um, thinking that, well, actually people want me to say something funny, you know, now. So I'll try to say something funny and they feel uneasy. You lose your balance sometimes, you know. But actually people want you to, there's no words to say what I mean exactly. But anyway, you, um,

[24:22]

I don't know how to explain, actually. Anyway, people, just as this practice is something that exists because people want it, you know. Other people want you to practice. Other people want you to be, uh, actually it's some affectionate thing, you know, you're more open or something. And so, um, anyway, that's enough. Okay. Oh, okay. Filling a ditch or a ravine.

[25:27]

Uh-huh. Hmm. Well, the ditch you're talking about is not the ditch I was talking about. There are various ditches, you know. There's someone here today who, if I remember correctly, saw a big ditch, but was scared to jump into it. And, but she keeps wanting to. But maybe she should. I think maybe she has. And she's already falling. Anyway, um, that's one kind of ditch. But what I was talking about was what, same thing I'm talking about today, actually. Which is that our life is both ordinary and extraordinary,

[26:45]

simultaneously. And you shouldn't be caught by the extraordinary side, and you shouldn't be caught by or satisfied by the ordinary side, just fooled by the ordinary side. Maybe satisfied by the ordinary side is right, but fooled by the ordinary side is not right. Hmm. Yeah. Could you hear what he said?

[27:57]

He said, Dogen says all dharmas are without self. So who is there that suffers and goes to nirvana? Right? Maybe you. Okay. Hmm. Do you understand the difference I was talking about between Buddhism and finding God? That Buddhism doesn't say there's not a God. Maybe some Buddhism does, but really Buddhism doesn't say there's not a God. It just says, we don't want that kind of

[29:01]

understanding because it separates us from ourself. It has some complete feeling, and actually our life is incomplete. It comes from the meaning of the one who is invoked. And for Zen, we don't invoke someone. Maybe you can, and even if you can, we don't. We should be quite satisfied with what's right here. Hmm. Can you actually be satisfied with what's right there without thinking about it?

[30:07]

And knowing its incompleteness at the same time. And how we are completed by all being. So our practice isn't some altruism. It's just really simple facts of our actual situation. And how we live in this world. Maybe there's much more, but this much is enough. So we practice here, you know, together.

[31:20]

Because we want to help each other's practice. And in that way, you'll know who you actually are. Hmm. Do we help you by asking you to explain things you say you'd rather not explain? Did you hear what he asked? He said, Hmm. Why are you asking? I like to sound in my own voice. No. That's not the real reason you asked.

[32:26]

Anyway, he asked, Do you, does he, do we help me or you by asking questions which I don't want to explain? I never thought of it that way. But, I guess so. I don't mind what you ask, actually. Sometimes I can't explain, that's all. But you certainly help me very, very much. Yeah. Somewhat related to what you're saying, I heard Krishnamurti

[33:30]

two or three weeks ago when he was in town and at the very beginning he made the statement that if you're coming here to find answers or something like that, or looking for external authority for answers, you're wasting your time here. Something to that effect. And the books are saying the same thing, that you won't find any truth outside of yourself, something like that. So I wanted to ask him, and I couldn't, why does he give lectures and write books if he's saying that you can't find the truth outside of yourself? There are others, you know, like John Watson, saying the same thing. I keep asking myself, if you can't find it outside of yourself, why are we going to give these lectures and why are the lecturers giving lectures and writing books? What makes you think I'm outside of yourself? Ah, that's a very good question.

[34:35]

I don't know, I used to feel the way you did too. And I resisted doing this, but I got roped into it. But, um, actually, I don't know, maybe I'm used to say, to each, I'm used to talk between each of us. Actually, I'm not saying so much, but we want to talk with each other, and it would become quite noisy if we all talked at once, you know? So, I've agreed to say what we're all thinking. He says something similar, a similar thing we're saying at the beginning. Let's go on this trip together, we're all going together on this, but there's no interaction or dialogue between himself and the audience,

[35:57]

or at least very little of. It's very limited, it's a one-way dialogue, and there's no interaction there, that bothers me. He's speaking, he's planning to be speaking for everybody, but I don't get the feeling he might be speaking for me all the time. Well, he can't be perfect, but he's pretty good. Yeah, you have to speak for yourself. Is there any advantage of doing zazen in a group

[37:00]

rather than doing it by yourself? You do zazen at home? You're just starting? I think you'll find out that there is, practically speaking, quite a lot of advantage in doing it with a group. Yes. One, it encourages you, you know, it's rather difficult to do it by yourself. Two, your zazen by yourself is often shallower and deeper. As you get more experienced at zazen, your zazen by yourself is maybe more deep feeling than zazen with other people. But it's not so wide feeling, and it doesn't include others.

[38:02]

And if you always sit by yourself, it's a little different practice, you know, to sit by yourself and also include all being. It's... there's no reason to sit by yourself, and there's no reason to sit with others. Sometimes we do one and sometimes we do the other, but it wouldn't be right to postulate one is better than the other. There is quite... there definitely is some help you get. If you sit with everyone, your practice is as bad as the worst person in the zenda. And it's as good as the best person, most experienced person. In this way, your practice will mature more rapidly than by yourself.

[39:07]

And it won't be so exclusive. It's almost impossible if you sit by yourself and you practice a lot, you know, not to get caught by the experience of zazen. You know, it takes quite a long time before our seamless reality created by our conscious mind lets up so we can look between it, you know. And quite a long time before our ego allows us to be free of its control. So, usually, without some situation which checks you up, you know, some situation like this which we get feedback from each other and encouragement, you begin to manipulate your meditation

[40:13]

for your own benefit. And your ego or your bully protects itself quite successfully from meditation. You know, your ego doesn't want to give up. And it won't. You need armies of people to help you. And it will just convince you that you are Buddha if necessary to win. Yes. Yeah.

[41:16]

Life was always incomplete? That's not quite what I said, but yeah. That's okay, yeah. Life is always incomplete. It's a little wider. Anyway, go ahead. ... He just gave a very good explanation.

[42:21]

Which I'll... Can you hear and you didn't hear? You heard what he said? That's a kind of explanation to make sense of what I said. But that's trying to make what I said complete. It's not so easily explained. Yeah. If we talk, you know, actually you have to have some idea almost. I can try to speak just from my body, you know. But actually some ideas are formed and then they fit together and you can make them into a little package. Somehow we just want to draw the circle, you know. Just... be quite comfortable

[43:29]

with yourself, you know, and feel the cool breeze that's always blowing over you. ... The sand is very refreshing, actually. There you go.

[43:55]

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