Good evening. So, I guess I'd like to explain to you, you know, I have certain interests, you know, like we all do, and there's some books by Thomas More that I really like. You know, he did Care of the Soul, Soulmates, and I think it was in Soulmates he said in the introduction to the book that there's a lot of good books about techniques for how to talk to your partner, listen to your partner, communicate, develop your communication skills, things you might do to help, you know, have your relationship work better. So, there's a lot of good books out there. If you're interested, if that's what you're interested in, get one. That's not what I'm here to offer you. So, I'm like that. I mean, I'm going to throw in some techniques now and again, but I'm also interested in what he calls expanding

[01:04]

your poetic imagination. This is, sometimes I think of this in a kind of way as, another way to say this is, you know, you probably heard Be Here Now, and you know that here and now can get kind of small. Why would you want to limit yourself to being here and now? Why wouldn't you be everywhere always? Well, the problem with being everywhere always is that it's kind of, you get kind of crazy. You know, you're in too many places, but at the same time, if you're just here and now, you can get pretty boxed in, and especially if you think of here and now as, you know, literally the sensory and the thinking and experiencing things the way you always had, the way you always

[02:09]

have. So, I want to tell you briefly about this. I'd like to mention in this context of the beginning of Zen Master Dogen's chapter called Genjo Koan. Genjo Koan is translated actualizing the fundamental point. I think colloquially we could call it getting real. What would it be like to be real? For you to be you. You know, Suzuki Roshi, my teacher, said some of you are trying to be good Zen students. Why don't you be yourself? I'll get to know you better that way. So, if you're not careful, you're going to be trying to become someone who gets approval, gets recognition, you know, gets acceptance, as opposed to how are you going to learn to be yourself, express yourself, have your

[03:13]

life. Okay. Now, what Dogen says in the first sentence of this chapter is, when all things are Buddha Dharma, in other words, when you see things, you know, clearly, accurately, there is birth and death, practice, Buddhas and sentient beings, enlightenment and delusion. Does this make sense? But, you know, if you're not careful, you can be aiming to become an awake, living, breathing, enlightened Buddha. I don't need that human being stuff. I don't need that delusion. I don't need that sentient being stuff. Thank you anyway. Could I just have the good stuff? And if I practice Buddhism, I'm going to get just the good stuff, right? Is that true? You see. But this is kind of the idea that we get. Somehow, if I

[04:27]

practice Buddhism, I will have less of the painful experiences. So, yes and no. Maybe, you know, I, you know, colloquially, I just say, you know, instead of, instead of finding out how to make yourself more acceptable, you learn to accept more. Right? So, we don't really become, you know, much more acceptable because we're always going to have birth and death, enlightenment and delusion, you know, joys and sorrows, happiness and sadness, you know, pleasure and pain. They don't go anyplace. But did you think somehow if you practice Buddhism, I'll just get the nice stuff, thank you, and I won't have the other stuff, thank you. So, you know, a couple years ago, my computer was breaking down. Oh well, you know, I'd had a PC for a while, several years, and it was getting kind of old. So, you know, it doesn't run

[05:28]

all the things it might, you know. So, my computer friend, Dr. Wizard, techie man, person, he said, you know, you might, Ed, want to get a Mac. So, why don't you go to the Mac store and check them out? It's in the Kodambara shopping mall. Well, you don't spend much time in malls. It's not where I've been spending my life. It's been in the mountains and in cold, dark meditation halls. You know, Zen people, you know, are sleep-deprived. So, because if you're sleep-deprived, then you want to leave the windows open because if you actually meditate in a warm room, you'd fall asleep. So, because you're sleep-deprived, you need a cold, drafty, windy room that will keep you awake even though you're sleep-deprived. So, I spent a lot of time in these places, but not much time in malls. But I went to the

[06:28]

Kodambara mall. And then I got out of the car, parked my car, I come over and there's a sign that says, you are here. And I thought of that Tibetan Buddhist teacher who said, you Americans always want to get someplace. You know, you want to get to a beautiful, picturesque space. No pain, no emotional, you know, afflictive emotions. You know, we're going to get over that stuff, get past that. And if you're practicing right, you won't have to have it. So, you want to get to the special spots, you know, scenic, sightseeing. He says, you might want to start where you are. You know, like, look at the sign, study, where are you? And then, start from there. How do I live here, as opposed to how do I get there? And I found out where the

[07:31]

Apple Store is, and there was some construction going on. And you come around to the back, and there's the Apple Store, it's about the second store in the back there. And you know, there in the window, it's all kind of fuchsia. And it says, and it's sort of balloons or something, and it says, you can get a pink nano iPod, you know, in fuchsia. And I thought, what would I want a pink nano iPod for? I just need a computer, thank you. And I walked into the store, and there's computers there, and I kind of tried it out, but I didn't know really what to try out. And then, there's all this energy in the store, and everybody in that store seems to know, like, what they're doing. And they seem to know computers, and you know, there's all these, and there's a big high definition television, because you can download movies over your Apple computer. And there's all this stuff going on, and there's people talking to people, and the energy of the store. I don't

[08:35]

know if you've been in there. It's kind of, like, pretty wild. And I think, like, well, what do I do? Where do I go? I mean, how do I find out anything? I don't know. I don't know. They know. I don't know. And then a woman came up to me, and she said, excuse me, but are you being helped? May I help you? And I said, well, I'm not sure. I don't know. You know, I'm actually, with all this energy in the store, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed. And I don't know what to do, and she said, have you tried meditation? Well, I didn't want to admit that, well, yes, I've tried meditation, but I guess it hasn't worked for me. You know, I've only been doing it for over 40 years, but I guess I haven't been doing it right. You know, I haven't been able

[09:39]

to keep overwhelmed, you know, from ever entering my sanctum of being. You know, I haven't managed that. I just said, well, a little. And I said, a little? And how about you? Have you done some meditation? And she said, oh, yes, I'm meditating, you know, every day now. And I have a teacher in Corda Madera, and I don't remember who it is, but apparently a nice, good teacher. You know, sorry, I can't recommend her, but you know, the woman at iPod, you know, at the Apple store seemed to like her. So again, if that's the kind of meditation you're interested in, it will keep any afflictive or uncomfortable feeling out of your area. I'm not the teacher for you. You know, there may be some teachers out there who can help you meditate in a way that you never have

[10:41]

to be uncomfortable. Wouldn't that be great? And then if it's pleasant enough, and you know, then you could say, oh, I must be enlightened. This is really pleasant now. And it's been pleasant for a while. I guess I'm on to something. And you know, if anything uncomfortable or unpleasant happens, you know what that is. You know what that means. I guess I did something wrong, and I deserve this. Because this goes back to, you know, childhood and child's idea of trust. I trust you not to hurt me. And if you do, you meant to, and I deserve it. You know, kids who have been abused, terrible things have happened. And when they grow up, they say, well, my dad beat me. But you know, I was a difficult child. I needed that. I deserved that. And we, you know, as Alice Millers and other people say, you know, we protect the innocence

[11:43]

of our parents by taking on. It was, you know, I brought that on. So when you become an adult, if anything painful happens, the world meant to have that happen to me, and I deserve it. I did, I must have done, what did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong. Because these things don't, otherwise, you don't have unhappiness or, you know, pain or, you know, discomfort. This is very basic, right? Kind of idea. So that's the child's idea of trust and trust idea of how the world operates. We're attempting, you know, and maybe with some meditation practice of the deviant variety, you could grow into the adult's idea of trust, which is I could trust my own observations and perceptions. I could trust my own observations and perceptions, and I could know what's what. And if something painful happens,

[12:50]

it's not necessarily because I did something wrong. For some of us, this is so challenging. I have spent, you know, more than 40 years working on this. It's only in the last couple years, finally, I'm beginning to conclude that there might be occasions where it's not my fault. War in Iraq? Oh, God. Global warming? My practice is not good enough. You know, I mean, this is the big things, and then the little things. Oh, you're unhappy? What did I do? Oh, you're sad? Oh, you're tired? Oh, did I keep you awake? Am I not feeding you well enough? Did I not, you know, how can I help you with that? Oh, you know, so am I responsible for everybody and everything? I don't think so. But I've had, I've been taking more than my

[13:55]

responsibility. And Dogen says, when you see everything is Buddha Dharma, you'll see there's birth and there's death. There's practice. There's Buddhas and sentient beings. There's enlightenment and delusion. There's pleasure and pain. There's joys and sorrows. There's happiness and sadness. You know? Nowhere around it. Now what happens? Because we don't want the uncomfortable part, we start to narrow our perception down and just don't notice it. Do your best not to notice it, because then you could be a living, breathing Buddha enlightened. And you wouldn't notice like the sadness or the shame or the disappointment or the embarrassment or the hurt feelings. You could just like, I'm not going there. You could practice equanimity.

[14:58]

Equanimity is where whatever happens, you're equal. You know? Joy is equal to sorrow. Happiness is equal to sadness. You actually feel, but true equanimity, you actually feel that. But most of us we hear about equanimity, that would be nice. So I'm just not going to experience anything that I wouldn't feel equal about. Let's see if I can just go through and I'm going to do the right thing. And then if anybody is a little bit, you know, stressed or difficult or painful, I think I'll just steer a little wider around them. Because otherwise I might actually feel something that would upset my equanimity. So this is one of the challenges as Buddhists, you know, to not fall into this kind of idea of if I get it right, I won't have pain, I won't have difficulty. If I get it right, then everybody

[16:05]

around me will start behaving, not just me, but they'll all start behaving like Buddhists too. And they'll be nice to me. And they'll respect me and admire me and love me in ways they never used to before. Do you understand? Am I making any sense here? So this is just challenging, you know, at some point, because Buddhism actually works. I'm not trying to say Buddhism doesn't work, it absolutely works. But if we're not careful, we know we can get stuck in, I'm going to make my consciousness a certain way. The way I want it to be. How are you going to do that? Well, you've got to have the authority who's going to tell you how to, you know, what to do. So mostly, you know, what we have is an authority in our head. Sometimes it's called self. And, you

[17:06]

know, that not, I've heard that not craving is a good thing, you know, because if you crave, you'll have some attachment and then you'll suffer. You know, that's the second noble truth. So I don't want to suffer. So I'm not going to have any craving. That's what I'd like. And I'm going to crave the heck out of that. I really, I really want that not craving. And then every time you have a craving, you can say to yourself, I told you not to crave. No, don't go there. Don't. And then somebody recently was at a Buddhist talk. And the definition of craving was, well, it's like a baby nursing at its mother's breast. Does that sound like craving to you? I mean, how are you going to breathe without somebody calling it craving? If a baby nursing is not craving, it's not attachment. It's just what babies do. If you get hungry, is that craving or is the craving when you, you know, not just for hunger,

[18:08]

but you want a certain kind of food cooked a certain kind of way or else other people are going to suffer the consequences. You know, my friend Sharon Morrison, who's a nurse for the homeless in Boston, was at one point in, you know, Walpole or whatever it is, the maximum security prison in Massachusetts. She happened to be interviewing somebody. And at some point she said to him, so she knew he's in here because he murdered his partner, his wife or girlfriend. And at one point she says to him, so what happened? What happened? And he said, the bitch didn't have dinner ready on time. So Sharon said, and who's cooking for you now? So that's a whole different level of, you know,

[19:09]

causing yourself and other people's suffering. You know, as opposed to, I'm hungry. What didn't I see about having something to eat and how to, you know, what to do and what to have and what might work for me and the people around me and the circumstances and, you know, sort this out and have, get something to eat. And then I could study while I'm eating. I could notice what's going on. And there's a difference. You know, some people say, oh no, no, no. I wouldn't want to enjoy my food. Because enjoyment could lead to craving, could lead to attachment. And then I would suffer. So I wouldn't want to enjoy my food. Is that true? You see, I think, why don't you study and actually find out how to enjoy your food. And notice the difference between enjoyment and excitement. When you get excited, your energy is somehow way more up in

[20:10]

your head. And then this is also exciting. And then eating, it's not enjoyment anymore. It's excitement. And when excitement goes to a little bit, you know, a little bit higher, it's called greed. I have to get rid of what's in my mouth so I can get more. And I don't have the time to even taste what's in my mouth because I'm so excited and greedy to see, you know, to get more of what five minutes ago I really liked. I had a few instances of experience that just got me so excited and greedy. Now I just have to get rid of this food so I can have more. So I can get that experience again, which I'm not having. So you could study, you know, what is excitement? What is it, you know, you could observe. You could perceive. And instead of trying to tell yourself what's greed, what's not greed, what's

[21:13]

excitement, what's enjoyment, what is or isn't. I'll tell you, that looks like greed to me. Now you could observe and perceive for yourself and study. This is becoming an adult, becoming a mature person. And meditation, you know, in my view, remember the get real school is in. Can we get real here and stop trying to be, you know, picture buddhas, enlightened picture buddhas, perfected people who don't have any issues or problems. Oh, do you? You know, could we get real here and actually have some problems and, you know, to understand and then observe. Notice, what is enjoying, savoring, and when does it go into excitement or greed or lust or, you know, and pushing people out of the way and, you know, getting to the front of the line and, you know,

[22:19]

and when is it like, oh gosh, I can't have that. I have my heart set on it. So, you know, mostly we have to do this as adults. We have to learn how to be the parents that we never had that we always wanted. My next door neighbor, you know, she says, Ed, you know, nobody, you know, if you're a parent, I mean, you're, you know, you're hosed. You can't get it right. I cook for my daughter and then, you know, I thought I'm doing this wonderful thing to cook for her and later she says, you would never let me in the kitchen to work with you. I decided you didn't like me. No, it's because I loved you so much I was cooking for you. No, but her experience is you didn't love me, because you didn't invite me into the kitchen to work with you. And then if you invite them into the kitchen, then they can tell you later, why didn't you ever cook for me? You made me work all the time. You know, you're just not going to get it right.

[23:25]

So she says, when the kids are little, you don't, you don't set aside money for the college fund. You set aside money for psychotherapy. But she actually studies all these things very carefully. So, you know, like if her daughter, who's like seven, will want some ice cream before dinner and she says, no, Ruby, I'd like you to wait until after dinner. And then Ruby will throw a fit sometimes. I can't have any ice cream. You are just the meanest mommy ever. I hate you. I hate you. You are so mean. And then Jennifer says, Ruby, you know, when you can't have something when you want it, we call that disappointment. What you're experiencing now is disappointment. And, you know, you're old enough now, even though you're only seven, you're old enough now to start learning how to be disappointed without attacking somebody else. Because when you attack me like this, I start to feel bad and I start to feel hurt.

[24:27]

So I'd really appreciate it if you could study this and learn how to be disappointed without attacking me. Okay? So this is, for most of us, we didn't get this when we were seven. You know, we sass back and why, you know, I can't have any ice cream and, you know, you are the meanest mommy. Wham or whack or, you know, get out of here or go to your room or play outside or, you know, what did we know, you know? So, but you can do this now. You know, and ideally Buddhism then is not to tell you what to do and what not to do, but help you to experience what's going on and help you identify what's greed, you know, what's enjoyment, what's satisfaction and, you know, and then what is greed and lust and excitement and which is which. And that you could know for yourself as you experience things what's what.

[25:32]

It's not that you're, and this is different than giving out directives. Don't do that. No, we're, you know, because that's wrong, that's bad. So we have a lot of this kind of training, you know, to give out the directives. So part of meditation, a big part of growing up is to shift from giving out the directives how things should be to receiving information about how things are. So, you know, in meditation it's very tempting to keep using the same model of giving out the directives. Be quiet. Sit still. Don't talk back. And you tell your body, we're going to be meditating now, don't complain. I don't want to hear from you now. Don't tell me anything because I'm busy meditating. You know, shut up. So you tell your body to shut up and then you tell your mind to shut up.

[26:34]

You tell your emotions to shut up and be quiet and don't tell me anything because I'm meditating. And as far as I can tell, my success at meditating depends on making my mind empty and peaceful and quiet by clearing all of you commotion, all this commotion out of here. We're going to get rid of all this commotion. Do you understand? And that's just not really fun in the long run. I mean, it might work, you know, it helps us because that's what we've got to start there. That's where we start. We start where we are. Remember? Start where you are. But then, you know, you can shift and grow. And so pretty soon you stop telling yourself what your experience needs to be and it needs to be quiet and you start learning how to relate with reality. Do you understand relate? Connection. Intimacy. How to be with something. And it doesn't have to be the way you tell it to.

[27:37]

This is big. Because we live in a culture, we all grew up with this and we live in a culture that does not give you any credit, very little credit for having this capacity. If you're in the supermarket, there's a lot of packages. Aren't I cute? Aren't I pretty? Don't you like my colors? Don't you like the lettering on this package? You know, aren't I adorable? Don't you like my hair? Don't you just, I mean, aren't I special? Aren't I something? Like that, don't you? And then if you say, why buy me? And they say, I'm quick, I'm easy, I'm quick, I'm easy. You won't have to relate to me at all. Put me in the oven or the microwave, I'll be there for you just the way you want me to. And you don't have to relate. So meditation, actually, we're going to study how to actually relate with sensations, feelings, thoughts. How can you be with them? Not how can you get them to shut up, but how can you be with them without getting moved around so much?

[28:44]

Without getting so reactive and so inactive and, you know, thinking like you need to make these things that occur to you come true. You know, why would you want to be a slave to the latest desire that popped into your head? And you'd want to, instead of like having a, you know, a picture, see, our usual idea of reality and how to go about life is I get a picture of how it should be, and then I'm going to make my picture come true. And then why can't I do that? And you're not helping. Because I had a picture of how you could be for me, and that's not the way you are. And, you know, I'm only wanting you to be like this for your own good and for my good, and then, you know, we'll have such a better relationship if you can just, you know, get over this business. Did you see that great Bob Newhart thing on therapy? It's, you can go to YouTube and just, once you get to YouTube, just, you know, go to Stop It. And the first thing that comes up is Bob Newhart doing therapy. And the woman comes in and he says, oh, yes, please have a seat.

[29:53]

I'm just finishing up washing my hands. He's in the bathroom. And then he comes out and she says, I'm sorry. I said, oh, yes. And you have that problem of worrying about being buried alive, right? And she says, yes. And they sit down. He says, now, first, we need to get clear about my billing policy, if that would be all right. And she says, oh, OK. And he says, you know, the first five minutes, you know, you're going to have to do this. It will be five dollars. Is that, that's OK? Oh, yeah. And then he says, after that, there will be no fee. No fee at all. Nothing. Now, most people don't take more than five minutes. I can, you know, so, would that be all right? And I don't take change. OK, I don't, I don't take change. He says, oh, OK. And then he says, and then he looks at his watch and he says, oh, OK, now, start. And he says, start, just like that? He says, yeah, just, come on, go ahead. And she says, well, yeah, I have a fear of being buried alive in a box.

[30:55]

And he says, and how is that for you? Isn't that kind of painful? She says, yeah, but, you know, wherever I go, I mean, I can't be in a bus or a car or, you know, a house. I mean, anything that's sort of blocky, like a box, I just, I have a big fear about being there. And after a little bit of this, he says, well, I have two words for you. Two, two words. And she says, should I write them down? And he says, it's just two words. Most people can remember the two words. And then he says, are you ready? And she says, OK. And he says, stop it! And she's like, what? And he says, stop it! S-T-O-P, new word, I-T. Anyway, it's a lot of fun. I won't give away the final denouement. But it's quite fun.

[32:00]

We got really off track with that, I'm sorry. So, but I was talking, you know, mentioning the shift here from giving out the directives, stop, whether it's stop it or whatever it is. We're telling ourself what to do, what not to do. And I like it. I don't like it. Now, could you stop that? Because I don't like it. And we're doing it wrong. We're trying to tell ourself. And then, you know, if there's something unpleasant, go away. I don't want anything unpleasant. You know? I just, you know, I just like to... And then, see, this is so basic in Buddhism, which is, if you want to have your life, you're going to have to have everything. If you want to be awake, wake up. You wake up to everything. You don't just wake up. And so, most of us are a little bit like, I'm not sure whether I want to have this experience.

[33:05]

Let's just see how it goes here. But by the time you decide you want to have it, how do you suddenly have it? When you're a little bit back from your experience and not quite... And what this is, you know, this is a shift from things grabbing your attention. The packages in the supermarket grab your attention. I'm quick, I'm easy. You won't have to relate to me. The television grabs your attention. You don't have to relate to the television. What happens as soon as you relate to something? It's so difficult. It's such a challenge. What do I do? How am I going to respond to this? How do I be with this? How can I, you know... How do I cook a potato? What do I do with celery? You know, how do I talk to this person? How do I talk to me? How can I be, you know, intimate with me? How can I connect with me? When I'm not behaving the way I want myself to. When they're not behaving the way I want them to.

[34:07]

And I'm trying to relate to them. And it's just not... And so how do I do this? And this is... So this is where the real work is. It's actually having connection and relationship and intimacy. Whether it's with another person, with the food, with the garden, with the earth. You know, with your own body, with your own mind. It's about connection. It's about relationship. And can you be with something that's not doing what you tell it to? And mostly we're telling things what to do without even realizing we're telling them. And you only notice that when somebody does something and you say, don't do that. I was at an event out in Point Reyes today and somebody asked me a question and I said something and she said, well don't get angry with me. It's like... You know, I don't know. I don't think I was... You know, from my point of view, I wasn't particularly angry, but obviously, you know, she's used to... I'm going to spot what you're doing that I don't like and I'm going to tell you about it. Okay.

[35:08]

Thanks and... But it's a... It's a... You know, we don't have to... But, you know, can you do that? Do you want to spend your life saying, don't talk to me like that? Don't get angry with me. Talk to me. Don't tell me this. Don't tell me that. You know? I mean, it's endless and it's such a struggle. When you could actually... Oh, he was a little bit loud there or his response startled me. It was a little more intense than I expected. You can absorb these things and then you can also see, you know, I'm giving a class and you can think about it from somebody else's point of view. I'm giving a class. I'm concentrating on what I'm doing and I'm answering people, you know, from wherever it comes from in the room and I have to keep track of what to do next and I'm also giving out instructions and talking about stuff. So I'm doing a lot of different things. Okay, one more story like this. Okay.

[36:14]

To bring this to a finish. Years ago at Tassajar, I remember my friend Sharon who was at the prison. What happened? I first met Sharon at Tassajar. She was at my cooking class. It was about 15 years ago and I was sitting there and I said, first class, I'm feeling kind of anxious and stressed. You know, they told me yesterday I needed to move from my cabin and then they said not to and then they said you can move later, you know, and then about five minutes ago they came to my cabin and said you need to get out of here now. We're going to put your stuff in carts and we're just going to put the stuff in carts out on the road here at Tassajar and put some white sheets over it. Now let's get out. Let's get a move on it. So I said I don't know where my notes are or anything. You know, I just had to get out of my cabin a few minutes ago. I'm kind of anxious and stressed about this class. Sharon was sitting to my right and this woman is about four foot ten. But as you can tell from this, you know, the story I told you she is not going to put up with stuff. She's one of the people

[37:15]

like in the kitchen at Tassajar they say if you're carrying a knife you have to say, knife, knife, knife. And she had another nurse who was down at Tassajar who said, we, they said to me, we are grown ups. We are adults. We are nurses. We carry around sharp instruments. We do all kinds of stuff. Nobody is going to get hurt. We will protect, if we're carrying something sharp we will protect ourself and anybody else from that sharp instrument and we are not going to call out in the kitchen, knife, knife, knife. So, so Sharon was sitting to my right and the next thing I know she grabbed my wrist and she pulled my, she's pulling my hand towards her and I'm going like, my God, what is going on here? She's pulling my hand and it's going right towards her breasts. You know? And it's coming up right between her breasts. I'm like, my God. Here I am at Tassajar I'm pulling my hand fortunately, definitely. My hands are going right

[38:16]

between this woman's breasts and I could feel, you know, and I could feel, you know, the soft, you know, flesh, you know, here and over here, you know, on the two sides of my hand. Whoa, that's, what is my hand doing here? And while she's pulling my hand over there she's saying, you know, you're feeling anxious, I'm feeling anxious too. And my hand is here and I go, and then I realize her heart is going thump, [...] thump. I got, you know, I shifted my attention from the breasts and I finally noticed the thump, thump, thump. And I said, my God, you are anxious. Your heart is just pounding away. And she said, yeah, you know, I'll bet most of us are kind of anxious. It is the first glass. And then everybody relaxed. I mean, you know, and then compare that to, you know, I'm in Cleveland one time doing a class and I'm kind of stressed because it's about this time of year or, you know, late September,

[39:16]

early October. And they said, oh, we have the most beautiful tomatoes from the farmer's market. Well, I get there and they're like solid orange and, you know, hard. They're not red. They're not soft. You know, it's kind of orange pulp that doesn't taste like tomato. And I'm, you know, and so I'm thinking like, what do I do now? And I make this into a sauce or I make something else. and then I say to the class, you know, I'm feeling kind of anxious about doing this class. And, you know, some of the ingredients haven't come in. And a woman says, Ed, you've been meditating for more than 35 years. What do you have to be anxious about? You know, it's like, I'm sorry, but I guess my practice just isn't good enough, is it? Oh, well. Maybe after 35 years of practice, you can do one thing better. You know, I mean, what can you say? You know, I'm figuring like, could we get, could we be real enough? I don't mean get real. Like most people, when you say get real, it's sort of like, oh,

[40:16]

you mean I get to be angry when I'm angry now? And that's, a lot of people getting real means, you know, getting angry, you know, telling you what I really think of you. I just mean, no, knowing what's actually going on with you and studying a bit, you know, how to be with that and how to relate to that and how to be intimate with who you are before you go, you know, and then, how are you going to interact and connect and relate with things of the world? Other people and things and not just try to boss it around and tell it what to do. So, this has, you know, been years of our culture and it's also years of human beings and, you know, this is what we're studying. Okay. So, it's about, um, it's a few minutes to eight, um, so I've gone on longer than I might have, so we're not gonna, we're not gonna do questions right now. We're gonna just sit quietly for a few minutes and then we have some announcements and we'll call it an evening. Thank you for coming tonight.

[41:15]

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