no clue
so
this i'd like to explain to you know i have seen interests like we're doing
that there's some books by thomas more than i really like you know he did care the soul soul mates
and a decrease in soul mates he said in the addition to the book and there's a lot of good books about techniques for how to talk to your partner listen to your partner
our communicate develop your communication skills then she might do to help you know have your relationship work better
said it's lot of good books out there if you're interested that's what you're instituting get one
that's not what i'm here to ah korea so unlike that i mean i'm going to throw in september some techniques now and again but i'm also interested in what and because a standing in a poetic imagination
this is sometimes i i think of this in a kind of
am way as another way to say that since you know you probably heard be here now
and you know that here and now can get kind of small
why would you want to limit yourself to being here and now i wouldn't you be everywhere always
well the problem had been everywhere always is that it's kind of you get kind of crazy and your antimony places
the same time if can just here now
you can get pretty boxed in
and especially if you think of here and now as
in a literally the sensory in the sensory and thinking
and and expansion things the way always had you know of louis always have
so wanna tell you briefly about this
i like to mention and in this context of the beginning and send mr duggan's chapter called ganges con gente con is translated actualizing the fundamental point
i think colloquially we could call it getting real what would you like be like to be real
for you to be you s is accuracy my teacher said some of you are trying to be goods and students
i didn't you be yourself i'll get to know you better that way
sarah could not care for you going to be trying to become someone who gets approval
gets recognition
he gets acceptance as opposed to how are you going to learn to be yourself express yourself have your life
okay now what duggan says in the first sentence of this chapter is when all things are buddha dharma and other words when you say things know clearly accurately there his birth and death practice birders and sentient beings
ames enlightenment and division
does this make sense
but you know if you're not careful you can be aiming to become
and a wig living breathing enlightened buddha
i don't need that human beings step i don't need that delusion i don't need that sickness and death i don't need that sentient beings to thank you anyway should i just have the good step and if i practice good i'm amendment to get just a good step right
he said trail
he say but this is kind of the idea that we get somehow if i practice buddhism i will have less than the pink experiences
so yes and now maybe up you know i in colloquially i just say no instead of instead of finding out how to make yourself more acceptable you learn to accept more
and so we don't really become you know much more acceptable because and can have birth and death and right and division and our joys and sorrows happiness and sadness in a pleasure and pain and ogoni place
but did you think somehow get back to bit it's not just get the nice that thank you and i won't add the other step thank you
so the a couple years ago my computer is breaking down
oh well you know i'd had a piece aid for while several years and it was getting kind of oh so you know doesn't run the
thinks it might
so and my computer friend dr wizard techie man
person
ah he said you know you might add wanna get a map so why didn't you go to the napster and check them out
it's in the couldn't go shopping not well you know i don't spend much time in malls
snyder i've been spending my life extending the mountains and in cold dark notation has in a zen people you know i sleep deprived said the case you if you're sleep deprived than you want to lead the windows open because if you actually meditating the room mermaid fall asleep so because you're sleep deprived you need a
cold draft a windy room it will keep you awake even though you sleep deprived
so i spent a lot of time in these places read not much time in malls
but i went to the curtain game lol
and then i got out of the car parked my car i come over notes the scientists you are here
and i thought of that tibetan buddhist teacher he said you americans are you want to get someplace
now you want to get to build up a picture of space no no no pain no emotional you know
the emotions you know we're gonna get over that stuff get past that you know and if you're practicing right you won't have to have it so you want to get to the special spots you know scenic side thing you know you want since you might want to start where you are
when are like it look at the sign it
a study where are you
and then step on there
how do i had i lived here as opposed to how do i get there
and i found out where the apple durians and
there was some construction going on and he come around to the back in the episodes
at the seconds during back
and in uganda windows are kind of a geisha
and it says the image answered balloons or something and it says you can get a pink nano ipod in future
and then i bet what would i want a pink and or ipad for it
the need a computer thank you and i walked into the storing as computers than i kind of try to napa that you know really want to try out and then as august energy and store and everybody in that store seems to know like what they're doing
and they seem to know computers and you know there's always and there's a big high definition television because you can download movies of year apple computer and as august stuff going on and as people talking a paper on and actually distort i have you didn't know it's kind of like pretty
lot of acting like where where do i do i do i know i mean how do i find out anything i don't know i'm i don't know they now i don't know and then on woman came up to me and she said excuse me but only been out there i help you and said well i'm not sure i don't know you know i'm i'm actually with all its energy and is
drunk and kind of overwhelmed and i don't i don't know what to do really and she said have you tried meditation

try didn't want to admit that yes i try meditation but i guess an hasn't word which morning
you know i've only been doing it for you know forty over forty years but i guess i haven't been doing it right
no i haven't been able to keep overwhelm you know from ever entering my sanctum of being you know i haven't been a if i haven't managed that i just said
and then
and then i sit a little and and napa you have you have you dancing rotation and says oh yes i'm meditating all you know every day now and i have a teacher and coordinate darren i don't remember who it is but apparently rights good teacher in open email sorry i can't recommend her bed in urgent this the woman and ipod you know
yeah posters and gallagher and
so again if that's the kind of meditation and interested in and it will keep any afflicted were uncomfortable feeling out of your area
i'm not the teacher for you
you know there may be some teachers out there who can help you meditate in a way that you never have to be uncomfortable
wouldn't that be okay and then if it's pleasant enough and you know ben you could say how i must be enlightened
was really president now and has been pleasant for while i guess i'm amanda something and you know if anything uncomfortable or unpleasant happens you know about it and you know what that means i guess i did something wrong and i deserve this
is this goes back to you know childhood and chance i didn't trust i trust you know to hurt me and if you do he meant to and i deserve it
you know kids who have been abused terrible things had happened in when they grow up they said well my dad beat me but you know i was a difficult child i needed that i deserved that
and we you know it's alzheimer's and other people say you know we protect the innocence of her parents by taking on it was you know i i i brought that on so when you become an adult if anything painful happens the world meant to have that happened to me and i deserve it i did unless content when did i do wrong
to get something wrong because these things down otherwise you don't have unhappiness or in a painter and discomfort this is very basic right kind of idea so that's the child's idea of trust and a chance idea how the world operates were tempting
you know maybe with some meditation practice
the deviant variety
you can grow into the adults
i did trust riches i could trust my own observations and perceptions
i could trust my own observations and perceptions and i could know what's what
and if something painful happens it's not necessarily because i did something wrong
for events this is so challenging i have spent in a more than forty years working on this
it's in the last couple years friendly and beginning to conclude that there may be occasions
it's not my pod war in iraq
global warming ah my package is not good enough
and i mean listen the big things and then the little things oh you're unhappy what did i do or you're sad or you're tired or did i keep you awake
am i not feeding you well enough did i not you know how can i help you with that o l so am i responsible for everybody and everything i don't think so
but i've had i've been taking more than my share responsibility
and gergen says when you see everything is buddha dharma you'll see there's birth and his death his practice there's there's burgers and sentient beings as enlightenment and division there's pleasure and pain is to and incisors happiness and sadness
no way around it
now what happens
because we don't want a uncomfortable pike respect to narrow our perception dan from just don't notice it
get your best not to notice that because then you could be a living breathing included enlightened
and you wouldn't notice like the sadness or the shame or the disappointment or the embarrassment
or the hurt feelings he did just like i'm not going there you could pack this equiniti
equanimity and where whatever happens your equal no joy is equal to sarah happiness is equal to sadness
you've actually here but a true i can do you actually feel that
read most of us here here about acronyms rate that would be nice
so i'm just not going experience anything that i wouldn't feel equal about
for for its day if i can just go to and i'm going to do the right thing and then if anybody it's a little bit you know stress too difficult and painful i think i just steer little wider around them
because otherwise i might actually feel something it would have sent my acronym eighty
so this is one of the challenges as buddhist you know to not fall into this kind of idea and if i get it right i won't have pain i will have difficulty if i get it right then everybody around me will start behaving not just me
but they'll also be in my greatest here and now be nice to me and i respect me and in miami and read me and by never used to before
jim stand when making a sensor
sir
the instance instances challenging you know at some point because buddhism actually works
i'm not trying to say buddhism doesn't work and absolutely words
right if we're not careful we know we can get stuck in and when make mike consciousness a certain way
the way i wanted to be are you gonna do that
are you gotta happen the authority has gonna tell you how did you know what to do
so mostly you know what we have is an an authority in our head sometimes described the south
and you know
but not i've heard that not craving as a good thing and because it could crave be that you'll have some attachment and your supper and about the second noble truth so i don't want to separate so i'm not going to have any craving that's what i'd like and i'm gonna create the heck out of that

i really i really want that the caribbean and then every time you have a craving you can say to yourself i told you not to crave no don't go there doubt and then somebody recently was at a buddhist talk and the definition of creeping was well it's like a baby nursing at it's not as browse
to satisfy my craving to you mean how you're gonna breed got somebody calling a craving if a baby nursing is not craving it's not attachment and just what babies do
if you can hungry they're craving or is the craving when you know notches for hunger but you want at certain kind of food cooked a certain kind of way or aus other people l or in are gonna suffer the consequences
you know my french and martin is the nerds for the homeless and boston was at one point in in a while pool or whatever it is the maximum security prison in massachusetts she happened to be interviewing somebody and at some point she said to him so any she knew he'd seen here because he murdered his partner
his wife or girlfriend and at one point she says to him
so what what what happened what happened he said the bitch didn't have dinner ready on time
sharon said and who's cooking for you now

so that's a whole different level out you know causing yourself and other people's suffering
you know i supposed to i'm hungry when i say about having something to eat and how to you know what to do and where to have and what what might work for me in the people around me and the circumstances and know circus haddenham get some unique and then i can steady while i'm eating i could notice
what's going on and there's a difference in some people say oh no no no i wouldn't want to enjoy my food
it's enjoyment could be degrading
could lead to attachment and then i would separate so i wouldn't want to enjoy my food
you say i think why don't you steady and actually find out how to enjoy a big and not it's a different scene enjoyment and excitement when you get excited
your energy similar way more up in your head and then this it's also exciting and then you eating area it's not in join anymore it's excitement
and when excitement goes to the little bit in a little bit higher it's called greed i have to get rid of what's in my mouth so i can get more
and i don't have time to even tasted in my now because i'm so excited ingredient to see you know to get more of what five minutes ago i really liked
i had a i had a few instance of experience with just got me so excited and greedy now i just had to get rid of its food's i can have more so i can get that experience again which i'm not having
so you could study
what is excitement what is it you know you could observe you could perceive
instead of trying to tell yourself what's grade what's not grade reds excitement what's in that what is or isn't it i'll tell you that looks like grades and now you can know you could observe and crusade for yourself
steady
this is becoming an adult becoming a mature person
and meditation
you know in my view
remember the get real school in san can we get real here and stop trying to be you know picture buddha's enlightened picture buddha's perfected people who don't have any issues or problems oh do you
how can we can we get real here and actually have some problems and
the understanding and observed notice what is just what is enjoying savouring and when does the go into segment agreed or last or you know
and and pushing people out of the way and getting to the front of the line and
and when is it like oh gosh i can't have that i've had my to sell on it
so you know much they we have to do this as adults we have to learn how to be the parents that we never had that we always wanted
my next door neighbor you know she says ed you know nobody you know if your parent and in years you know you're hosed
he can't get it right i could for my daughter and then you know by a gang is one of a pain to cook for letters since you would never let me in the kitchen to work with you i get i decided you didn't like me
that's kinda like you so much i was cooking pointer now but her experiences you didn't let me
is he didn't invite me into the kitchen to work with you
and then again write them into the kitchen than they can pay later why didn't you recoup from me you made me work all the time
you know you're just not gonna get it right
says he says when the kids are little you know you don't set aside money for the courage funny and set aside money for psychotherapy
what
read and
she actually studies how these things very carefully so and you know like it her daughter has like seven will want some nice can be pregnant and she says no rebate i'd like it away into after dinner and can be worked through a bit sometimes
i can have an uncle you are just the meanest mommy and i hate you i hate you you are so mean
and then jennifer says ruby and when you can't have something when you wanted we call that disappointment but you're experiencing now is disappointment
and you know you're old enough now even know yawning standing yoga and up now to start learning how to be disappointed without attacking somebody else okay and week as when you attack me like this i've started to feel bad and i start to kill heard
okay so i really appreciated if you can stay this and then i'll be disappointed with that attacking me okay
so this is for most of us reading get this in rio seven
you know which says bag and wine i can't have any ice cream and you know you are the meanest mommy
wham on whack or you know get out of here at goodyear room or play outside or you know
why did we know you know so but you can do this now
know and ideally buddhism then is not not to tell you what to do and what not to do but help you to experience what's going on and help you identify what's grade know what's enjoyment what satisfaction and know and then what is greed and lust and excitement in which is why
rich
but you can know for yourself as you experience things once what not feature and this is different than giving out directives
don't do that i would risk
no cause that's wrong that's bad
so we have a lot of this kind of training you going to give out the direct it's so hard and meditation
big part of growing up is to ship from giving out the directives how things should be
to be saving information about how things are
so if it taking on meditation it's were attempting to keep using the same model of giving out the directives
be quiet sit still
don't talk back
and you tell your body we're going to be meditating on don't complain i don't want to hear from you now don't tell me anything because i'm busy meditating
we'll shut up ha about to shut up and then you tell your mind set up you tell your emotions to shut up and be quiet and don't tell me anything because i'm meditating and as far as i can tell my extensive marriage and depends on making my mind empty and peaceful and quiet by clearing all the new commotion all this commotion out of here we're going
get rid of all this commotion
ginger stand
and that's it's not as and really finding the long in my work and how it helps us as as we gotta start there that's where we started start where we are remember start where you are
but then you know you can ship can grow
so pretty soon you stop telling yourself working with your experience needs to be and it needs to be cried and you start learning how to relate
with reality
jenny's can be late
connection intimacy how to be with something
and it doesn't have to be the way you tell it to
this is big
because we live in a culture we all grew up with this and we live in a culture that does not give you any credit very low credit for having its capacity
if you in supermarket
there's a lot of packages
i killed and a pretty touch you like my cameras don't you like a living and package
i don't vote and should just come in our chance can also sign or something like i don't you and then if you say why by me they say i'm quick and easy and quick and easy you won't have to relate to me at all
put me in the oven or microwave i'll be there for you just the way you want me to and you don't have to be lake
some meditation actually rubin a steady how to actually be late with sensations
three lanes slots hacking and be with the not how can you get them to shut up
and how can you be with them without getting moved around so much regard getting so active and so inactive and in their thinking like you need to make these things that a creditor come true
is it
why would you want to be a slave to the latest design that popped into your head
and he'd wanted instead of like having a is a picture see a huge idea of reality and how to go about life as i get a picture of how should be and then i will make my picture come true
why can i do that and you're not helping
because i had a picture value could be for me and that's not the way you are
you know i'm only wanting a to be like good for your own good and for my good and then you know will will have such a better relationship if you can just you know get over this business did you see that great bob newhart thing on on therapy it's you can go to youtube and just once you get to give just in or go to stop it when the first thing that
comes up is probably like doing therapy
and the woman comes in and he says
oh yes please have a seat on just finished up watching my hands in the bathroom and then he comes out she says i'm sense that ah yes and you had that problem of worrying about being buried alive right and she said she had some they sit down and says at first we need to get clear about my billing policy about the i think since as well okay then he says
the minutes rubbing five dollars
check that's okay
mean says after that they'll be no fee nothing at all nothing now most people don't take more than five minutes i can get so
pepe right and i don't take change okay at an antique change instead since okay and then he says and then eventually large nuisance or okay now start
start just like that so you had just come and go hey which it's yeah i have a pair of being buried alive
in a box
he says and carries that for years and a kind of painful
yeah but you know where i go i mean i can't be a bus or a car you know our house emanating that sort of blocking like a box i just i have a big fear about being there
and then after a little bit and says rob i have two words for you to two words and she said she i write them down and says it's to towards most people can remember the two words
it's are you ready
okay this is stop it
why is it
tap at s k okay new word i t
any right to run run
i won't give away the final denouement
but it's quite fun and
we got really up to occupy themselves with
so and read em
when i was talking in a mentioning in the ship to from giving out the directives stop with it stop it or whatever it is red telling herself what to do i not to do i like it i don't like it now can to stop that because i don't like it and read when we were trying to tell our itself
and then you know there's something unpleasant go away i don't want anything unpleasant
no
i just in i just liked it and then see this is so basic and in which is if you want to have your life you're going to have to have everything
did you wanna be awake
recap you have you wake up to everything you know just wake up and so most of it's a little bit like i'm not sure where they want to have this experience that just seeing our guys hearing but by the time you decide you want to have it how do you suddenly habit when you a little bit back we experience in not quite
and what can say is you know it but this is a ship them
things grabbing your attention the packages and zipper my grab your attention and quick and easy you won't have to relate to me the television grabs your attention
you don't have to relate to the charity then what happens as soon as you could make it something
it's so difficult it's such a challenge what do i do how am i going to respond to this how like day with this how can i know how do i cook a potato how do i what do i do with salary you know how do i talked to this person i talked to me how can be know intimate with me how can they
connect with me
when i'm not behaving the way i want myself to when they're not behaving the way i want them do and i'm trying to relate to them and it just neck and so how do i do this and this is so this is where the real work is it's actually having connection and relationship and intimacy rather it's with another person with the food
the garden with the earth you know with your own body with your own mind
it's about connection so that relationship and can you be with something it's not doing what you tell it to and most they were telling things went to do without even realizing we're telling them and you only notice that when somebody doesn't mean absolutely don't do that i was at an event on point residents and sunday
asked a question and i said some things that we don't get angry with me
yeah i don't know i don't think i was in it for my point of view i was impregnated but obviously know she's used to
i miss about what you're doing that i don't like and i'm going to tell you about it
okay
thanks them
but it's a it's a you know we don't have to you but in oh can you do that
she won't spend your life saying don't talk to me like that don't get angry with me talk to me tell me this don't tell me that had you know i mean it's endless and in such a struggle
when you could actually oh he was a little bit louder argus response startled me it was a little more intense than i expected lipton's you can absorb these things and then you can also see and i'm given a glass
you can think about it when somebody else is to view i'm giving a class i'm i'm concentrating on what i'm doing and i'm answering people you know from where we cancer in the room and i have to keep track of what to do next and i'm also giving out instructions and talking about step so under a lot of different things
okay one my start like this okay to bring this to a pinch
years ago cause i remember my pin chang who was at the prison
what happened
i first met you and tells her she was at my cooking class is about fifteen years ago and i was sitting there and i said first cries i'm feeling kind of anxious and stressed you know they told me yesterday needs to move in my cabin and than they said not to and an acidic no greater you know and and then about five minutes ago became like evans said you need to get out of
yeah yeah we're going to put your step in cards and we're just going to put the stepping cards at a narrow gauge as armpits and my over it now let's get out that's get a move on it so i don't know am i know tiring and i just had to get out of my cabin a few minutes ago i'm kind of anxious and stressed about with class shannon said into my right and this moment is not for per ten
but as you can tell them with in the crested and illustrated your seat is not gonna read up and step since since one of people like in the kitchen and tell her they say if your canon i could say knife knife knife and seen another nurse who is tests and he said we they said to me
we we're grownups we're adults we're nurses we carry that sharp instruments we do all kinds of stuff nobody is gonna get her we will protect a big parents have been sharp we will protect yourself and anybody else from that sharp instrument and we're not going it's call out in the kitchen knife knives knife
so
okay so chan was sitting to my right in the next thing i know she grabbed my wrist and she pulled my she's put my hand towards it and i'm like a can't what it's going on here is putting my hand and it's going to write towards her breasts you know it's coming a bright between her breasts i am
god have i am a trans on and again
my hands as i write between the summers reds and i can feel you know and i could feel you know that soft flesh and interest in a year and and overhearing on the two sites in my hand
that's because my hand going it and is pulling my hand over there she's saying you know you're feeling anxious i'm feeling anxious to
and my hand is django and then a and then i realized her heart is going to confront them from from i got in i shifted my attention from the task
finding out noticed that than than tab
i say my god you are anxious your heart is just pounding away and she said the i you know i bet most diverse kind of anxious that is the first grass and then everybody relaxed
come in
you know and then compare that to you know i'm in cleveland when time doing a class and and of because in it's about this kind of year in late september early october and they said are we have been most beautiful minutes from the farmers market why get during a legs solid orange
and you're hard then not where they're not soft
you know it's kind of orange pulp it doesn't taste like tomato and i'm entering something like what do i doing now they're making it into a sauce don't make something else and and then i saved the class and i'm feeling kind of anxious that during his class and you know seven ingredients haven't come in and a woman says
had you been meditating for more than thirty five years where can you have to be anxious about
that's i i'm sorry but i guess my practice just isn't good enough into
maybe after thirty five years a package you can do better
where can you say you know laughing and i could we get it would be real are now i don't mean get real like most people and they get real excited like oh you mean i get to be angry when i'm angry now and that run a lot of people getting real means you know getting angry you know turn you're telling you what i really think of you i just mean no knowing what's
and studying a bit you know how to pay with that and how to relate to that and how to be intimate retail you are before you go you know and then how are you going to interact and connect can be late with things in the world other paper and things and not just try to pass it around until it went to do
so this is have been years in our culture and it's also years in human beings and reno this is records studying
so it's about it's a few minutes to eight and said gonna longer than they might have said we're not gonna redact dear questions right now we're going to sit quietly performance and and handsome announcements and recovered need me thank you for coming tonight