2009.10.03-serial.00228Z

Given on Saturday, October 3, 2009
About this talk
Description:
Dogen's Genjo Koan; going to the Apple Store; meditation does not mean you will never feel uncomfortable.
Transcript: 
Good evening sir. Said like to explain to you you know I have certain interests we'll do and. There are some books by Thomas Moore that I really like you know he did care of the soul soulmates. And I think soulmates he said in the introduction to your book. There's a lot of good books about techniques for how to talk to your partner listen to your partner. Communicate develop your communication skills. You know having a relationship work better. So there's a lot of good books out there if you're interested that's what you're intriguing. That's not what I'm here to for you so I'm like I mean I'm going to tear into some techniques marry again but I'm also interested in what he calls extending your poetic imagination this is sometimes i think of you in a kind of. Way as another way to say that you probably heard it be here now and you know that here and now can get kind of small Why would you want to limit your step to being here now why wouldn't you be everywhere always. Well the problem with being everywhere always. It's kind of you get kind of crazy you know you're in too many places. But at the same time if you're just here now. You can get pretty box stand. And especially if you think if you're now and. You know literally the sensory sensory and thinking. And experiencing things the way you or you know in a way you always have so I want to tell you basically about this. I'd like to mention. In this context the beginning said Mr Dogan chapter called Ganjo card game show Carney is translated actualized in the fundamental point. I think colloquially we could call it getting real what would life be like to be real. For you to be you know Suzuki Roshi said some of you are trying to be goods and students. Right and should be your spouse I'll get to know you better that way so if you're not careful you're going to be trying to become someone who gets approval gets recognition. Gets acceptance as opposed to how are you going to learn to be yourself express yourself have your life OK you know what go conserves in the first sentence of it's chapter is when all things are buddhadharma In other words when you say things you know clearly accurately. Girt and dat practice birds and sentient beings in light mint and emerging does this make sense but you know if you're not careful oh you can be aiming to become. An awake. Being predating enlightened buddha. I don't need him and being stabbed I don't need that delusion I don't need that sickness and Dad I don't need that sense of being stepped thank you anyway could I just have a good step and if I practice Buddhism I'm going to get just a good step right. But this is kind of the idea. That somehow if I practice produce them I will have less of the painful experience and so yes and now maybe oh you know I you know colloquially I just say you know instead of instead of finding out how to make yourself more acceptable you learn to accept more. So we don't really become. You know much more acceptable because we're always going to have birds and dat minin delusion you know choice and sorrow happiness and sadness you know pleasure and pain they don't go anyplace. But did you think send out your back to the British and I'll just get stuck Thank you I won't be either step thank you so you know a couple years ago my computer was breaking down. Oh well you know I've had a P.C. for several years and it was getting kind of old so you know it doesn't run all the. Things it might. So my computer printer doctor. Man. Person. He said you know you might Ed want to get a map so why don't you go to the next store and check them out. It's in the court and they're shopping mall Well you know I don't spend much time in malls. Where I've been spending my life it's been in the mountains and in cold dark meditation hollows. You know are sleep deprived so because you're if you're sleep deprived and you want to leave your windows open because if you actually meditating or merely fall asleep so because you're sleep deprived you need a cold to trap the windy room it will keep you awake even though your state deprived. So I spent a lot of time in these places right not much time in malls. But I went to the court to get involved. And then I got out of the car parked my car and came over and there's the science issue are here. And I proud of Tibetan Buddhist teacher who said you Americans always want to get someplace. Where you want to get to a beautiful picture of space no no no king. No emotional. Give emotions you know we're going to get over that step get past that you know and if you're practicing right you won't have to have it so you want to get to the special spots you know scenic sightseeing you know you want to see sea might want to start where you are. You know like look at the sign. And study where are you. Can and start from there you know how do I how do I live here and opposed to how do I get there. And that would be Apple story and. There was some construction going on I mean if you come around to the back use the Apple strips. At the second story. And you know they're in the window it's all kind of. And it's sort of balloons or something and it's you can get a pink nano i Pod you know in future and I thought what would I want to. I. Just need a computer Thank you and I walked into the store and its computers there and I just kind of tried it out there you know really want to try out and then there's all this energy stored and everybody in that store seems to know like what they're doing. And they seem to know computers and you know there's gates and there's a big high definition television because you can download movies over your Apple Computer and it's all the stuff going on it's people talking to people and energy storage if you've been in there it's kind of like pretty Rodney King right where where do I do want to go I go I mean if I got anything I don't know I'm I don't know know I don't know and there woman came up to me and she said Excuse me but are you being being I help you I said well I'm not sure I don't know you know I'm I'm I'm actually with all this energy and strength and kind of overwhelmed and I don't I don't know what. To do really and she said Have you tried meditation. I. Just. Try I didn't want to admit that what yes I had tried meditation but I guess an absent work for me actually. You know I've only been doing it you know forty over forty years but I guess I haven't been doing it why. You know I haven't been able to keep overwhelming you know from never entering my sank down. Being a new No I haven't been able to have an age that I just said. Well a little. Bit. And. And I said I littler and I By you look at you if you go to notation it's just an old. Yes I meditate you know our you know every day now and I have a teacher in court in mid-air and I don't remember who it is but apparently a good teacher in opinion sorry I can't recommend her but you know it's just the woman i Pod You know the Apple store seemed to like her. So again if that's the kind of meditation you're interested in and it will keep any afflicted uncomfortable feeling out of your area. I'm not a teacher for you. You know there may be some teachers out there who can help you to meditate in a way that you never have to be uncomfortable would not be great. And then if it's pleasant enough then you know then you could say oh I must be enlightened but it's really present now and it's been pleasant for a while I guess I'm on to something and you know if anything uncomfortable or unpleasant happens you know about it you know what that means I guess I did something wrong and I did service because this goes back to you know childhood and Chad's idea of trust I trust you know to hurt me and if you do you meant to and I deserve it. You know kids who have been abused terrible things that happen when they grow up they said well my dad beat me but you know I was a difficult child. I've needed bad I deserved it. And we you know it's out some religion other people say you know we protect the innocence of a parents by taking it was you know I thought bad. So when you become an adult if they think for happens the world meant to have that happen to me and I deserved it I did I must have done what I do must have done something wrong because be spaced out otherwise you don't have unhappiness or you know pain or discomfort. This is very basic very kind of idea so that's a child's idea of trust and charts idea of how the world. We're attempting you know and maybe would some notation. Of good T.V.. Which. You could grow into the adults. I do trust which is I could trust my own observations and perceptions I could trust my own observations and perceptions and I could know what's what and if something painful happens it's not necessarily because I did something wrong. But some of us this is so challenging I've spent you know more than forty years where you know. It's only in the last couple years from the beginning to conclude that there might be occasions. But it's not my fault the war in Iraq. My package is not good enough. You know I mean this is the big things and the little things oh you're unhappy What did I do oh you're sad or you're tired oh did I keep you awake. Am I not feeding you low and did I know. How can I help you with that oh so am I responsible for everybody and everything. I don't think so right I've had I've been taking more going my share of responsibility. And joking say when you see everything is buddhadharma you'll see there's birth and. It's practiced there's no use in sentient beings it's a nightmare and addition there's pleasure and pain you. Happiness and sadness. And no way around it. You know what happens. Because we don't want to be uncomfortable part we start to narrow our perception. Do your best not to notice it because then you could be a living breathing good and light and. And you wouldn't notice the sadness or the shame or the disappointment or the embarrassment. For the hurt feelings to be just like I'm not going there you could practice acronym and hate. It when it means wear whatever happens to equal joy. Sorrow happiness is equal to sadness. Actually but true Econet me I actually feel that. Most of us be here but I can indicate that would be nice so I'm just not going to experience anything and I wouldn't feel equal. If I can just go do it I'm going to do the right thing and then if anybody. It's a little bit you know stressed or difficult to painful I think I'll just steer a little wider around them because otherwise I might actually be doing something that would upset my opinion maybe so this is one of the challenges as British to not fall into this kind of idea if I get it right I won't have pain I want to have difficulty if I get it right then everybody around me will start behaving not just me but they'll all typing it in my greatest to. Be nice to me and respect me and admired me and rubbed me in raping never used to before don't stand to make any sense here. So this is challenging you know at some point because good of some actually works. I'm not trying to say but is and doesn't work it absolutely works. Right if we're not careful we know we can get stuck in and when to make my consciousness a certain like the way I wanted to be how are you going to do that where you've got to have been the authority who's going to tell you how did you know what to do so mostly you know what we have as an authority in our head. Sometimes south. And you know. I put that not creating is a good thing of it because if you crave that you have some attachment and then you stop or you know about second noble truth so I don't want to separate so I'm not going to have any craving that's what I'd like you know I'm going to crave the heck out of back. But I really I really want that in a craving and then every time you have a craving you can say to yourself I told you not to cry. Don't go there doubt and then somebody recently was at a Buddhist talk and the definition of craving words well it's like a baby nursing and its mother's breast. Craving to you I mean how are you going to read it that somebody's calling it craving if a baby nursing is not craving it's not attachment it's just what babies do if you get hungry craving or is the craving when you you know not just remember but you want a certain kind of food cooked a certain kind of way or else other people or you know are going to separate the consequences you know my friend Sharon Larson who is a nurse for the homeless in Boston was at one point in you know wall pool or whatever it is the next home security prison in Massachusetts she happened to be interviewing somebody and at some point she said to him so any chain you heat in here because he murdered his partner. His wife or girlfriend and one point she says to him So what what what happened happened and he said the bitch didn't have dinner ready on time. So Sharon said and he was cooking for you now. So that's a whole different level of. Causing yourself and other people suffering. You know as opposed to I'm hungry what and I see it I mean something to you know what to do and where to. What what might work for me and the people around me in the circumstances and you know sort of get something unique and then I could study while I'm eating I could notice what's going on and there's a difference if some people say oh no no I wouldn't want to enjoy my food. In China could be to craving. Could be to attachment again I would separate so I wouldn't want to enjoy my food. Is that true. I think why don't you study and actually find out how to enjoy your food and know it's a good history and enjoyment and excitement when you get excited. Way more up in your head and then this is also exciting and then. You. Start enjoying anymore it's excitement. When excitement goes to the little bit you know a little bit higher it's called greed I have to get rid of what's in my mouth so I can get more and I don't have the time to even taste it's in my mouth because I'm so excited ingredient you know to get more of what five minutes ago I really liked. It I've had it I had a few instances of experience that just got me so excited and greedy now I just have to get rid of that food so I can have more so I can get that experience again which I'm not having So you could study. What it started and what is it you know you could observe you could perceive. Instead of trying to tell you so what's created what's not created rights excitement what's in Germany what is or isn't I'll tell you that looks like great to me or you could you know you could serve and proceed for yourself. And study. This is becoming an adult becoming a mature person. And meditation. You know in my view. Remember the get real school of stand can we get real here and start trying to be you know picture Buddhist and like picture Buddhist perfected people who don't have any issues or problems. You know could we could we get real here and actually have some problems and. Then you stand in absurd notice what is just what is enjoying savoring. And when does it go into excitement. Or you know. Pushing people out of the way and getting to the front of the line. And when you said like oh gosh I can't get my heart set on it. So you know mostly we have to do this as adults we have to learn how to be to parents that we never had that we always started right next door neighbor you know she says. You know nobody you know if you're a parent I mean yours you know you're opposed. To kick it right I cooked for my daughter and then you know I've done this wonderful thing to cook for her later she says you would never have it in the kitchen to work with you I guess I decided you didn't like me. Had loved you so much or was cooking for you or you know but her experience is you didn't love me. Because you didn't invite me into the kitchen to work with you. And if you knew I'd been in the kitchen and they can tell you later why did you have a cook for me you made me work all the time. You know you're just not going to get it right. So she says when the kids are little you know you don't set aside money for college when you set aside money for psychotherapy. The cut back road. She actually studies all these things very carefully. So you know like get her daughter like seven or want some ice cream you could gain and she says No Ruby I'd like you to wait until after dinner and then maybe we'll throw a fit sometimes. I can't have it you are just good manners mommy ever I HATE YOU I HATE YOU You are so mean. And then Jennifer says Ruby you know when you can't have something when you are it we call that disappointment. Which are experiencing hours disappointment and you know you're old enough now even though you're on extent and you're old enough now to start learning how to be disappointed about attacking somebody else OK anyway because when you attack me like I start to feel bad and I start to feel. OK so I would really appreciate if you could steadiness and learn how to be disappointed without attacking me OK. So this is for most of us we didn't get this and we're seven. You know waitstaff backing why you know I can't have any eyestrain and you know you are the meanest mommy. Wacko are you know get out of here go to your room or play outside or you know. Write it we know you know. But you can do this now. You know and ideally but it's in the end it's not right to tell you what to do and what not to do but calculate to experience what's going on and happy. What's greed you know what's enjoyment what satisfaction and you know and then what is greed and lust and excitement and which is which. You could no Pierce now face or experience things what's what not to cheer and this is different than giving out to read. Don't do that you know we're just you know because bats are watching that bad. So we have a lot of it's kind of training you know to get out the director so I did meditation a big part of growing up is to shift from getting at the directives how things should be. To receiving information about how things are so if you you know meditation it's very tempting to keep using the same model of giving out the directives to. Be quiet sit still. Don't talk back. And you tell your body we're going to be meditating I don't complain I don't want to hear from you now don't tell me anything because I'm getting meditating. You know shout out to you tell your body to shut up and then you tell your mind is set up you tell your emotions just shut up and be quiet and don't tell me anything because I'm meditating and as far as I can tell my success of meditation depends on making my mind empty and peaceful and quiet by clearing all of you commotion all this commotion out of here we're going to get rid of all this commotion. Gender stand and that's it's not it's funny in the long run I mean it might work you know it helps us because that's what we've got to start there that's where we start start where we are Remember start where you are. But then you know you can see it can grow. So pretty soon you stop telling yourself what you know what your experience needs to be and it needs to be quiet and you start learning how to read. Reality Jimmy stimulate connection intimacy how to be with something and it doesn't have to be the way you tell it to this is big because we live in a culture we all grew up with this and we live in a culture that does not give you any credit very little credit for having its capacity if you're in the supermarket. There's a lot of packages. And I keep it kind of pretty don't you like my commas go to like a veteran and package. Don't you just step aside or something right. And then if you say Why buy I mean a fake. Came quick and you think you won't have to relate to me at all put me in the other the microwave I'll be there for you just the way you want me to. And you don't have to relate so meditation actually we're going to study how to actually beat. Sensations feelings starts how can you be with the knot how can you get them to shut up but how can you be with them about getting moved around so much regret getting so reactive in Syrian activists thinking like you need to make these things that occur to you Come True. You know why would you want to be a slave to the latest you say and it popped into your head and what instead of our calving a you know a picture here you show idea of reality and how to go about like this I get a picture of her it should be I mean I would make my picture come true. And you're not helping. Kids I had a picture of how you could be for me and that's not the way you are. And you know I love the wanting it to be like it's for your own good and for my good and then you know we'll have to chip in a relationship if you can just you know get over this business did you see the great Bob Newhart thing on their P.C.. It's you can go to You Tube and just what you did to You Tube just you know go to stop it when the first thing that comes up is Bob Newhart during therapy. And the woman comes in and he says. Oh yes base have a seat I'm just finishing up watching right hands in the bathroom and then you come sat and she says I'm starts at zero Yes and you have a problem of worrying about being buried alive right and she says yes and then sit down and see first we need to get clear about my going policy that would be. OK let me save you know the first five minutes repeat five dollars. So that's OK. I mean since after that there will be no fee no can you know I think that most people don't take morning five minutes I can if you know some. Particular right and I don't take change OK I don't I don't take change. It's OK and then he says in many virtues Martin says oh OK no stark. Stark just like that so you have to come and go OK but you have a pair of being buried alive in a box. And say. How is that for you isn't it kind of painful. Yeah but you know work where I go I mean I can't be in a car or you know our house I mean it to me it's sort of blocking like a box I just I have a big fear about being there. And after a little bit. Wrote I have two words for you to two words just write them down it's just two words most people can't remember the two words. And it's. It's OK It's just stop. But. What it is that. It's got it that's the new word I ate. I mean right it's a lot of fun. But I won't give away the final denouement but it's quite fun. We get really up to I could go. So. I was talking imaging would be shipped to you from giving out the directives stop with it stop it or whatever it is rich telling ourselves what to do what not to do I like it I don't like it now could you stop that because I don't like it and. We're trying to tell our stuff and then you know perception unpleasant go away I don't want anything unpleasant. You know. I just you know I just typed it and then see this is so basic in Buddhism which is if you want to have your life. You're going to have to have everything. If you want to be awake. Break up you have you wake up to everything you know just wake up and so most of us are little bit like I'm not sure where there are habits experienced that you. Are and by the time you decide you want to have it how do you suddenly have it when you have it a bit back in your experience and not quite. What you say it's you know it's this is a shift from. Things grabbing your attention packages in the supermarket web your attention I'm quick and easy you won't have to relate to me the television grabs your attention. You don't have to relate to the totally what happens as soon as you make it something it's so difficult it's such a challenge what do I do my going to respond to this how do I be with this how can I you know how do I cook a potato How do I What do I do it salary you know how do I talk to this person how do I talk to meet OK be you know intimate with me how can I can I could me. When I'm not behaving the way I want myself to when they're not behaving the way I want them to and I'm trying to relate to them. And so how do I do this and this is so this is where the real work is it's actually having connection and relationship and. It's with another person with the food the garden with the Earth you know with your on body with your own mind. It's about connection relationship and can you be with something it's not doing what you tell it to and mostly we're tearing things what to do without even realizing we're telling you all the notice that when somebody does something it should say don't do that I was at an event point race today and simply asked me a question and I said chickenshit Well don't get angry with me. You know I don't know I don't think I would say you know from my point of view I wouldn't be created but obviously you know she seems to. Spot what you're doing that I don't like and I'm going to tell you about it. OK. But it's a it's you know we don't have to you know can you do that you want to spend your life saying don't talk to me like Don't get angry at me talk to me Tell me this don't tell me. You know I mean it's nice and it's such a struggle. When you could actually oh he was a little bit loud or his response startled me it was a little more intense than I expected you can you can absorb these things and then you can also say you know I'm giving a class. You can think about it will somebody else's point of view I'm giving a question I'm concentrating on what I'm doing and I'm answering people you know from where Rick I was there in the room and I have to keep track of what you do next and I'm also giving out instructions and talking about stuff so I'm doing a lot of different things OK one more story like this OK to bring these two opinions. Years ago across our Remember my pain Sharon who was at the prison. What happened. I first Michiana time she was at my cooking class is about fifteen years ago and I was sitting there and I said first prize I'm feeling kind of anxious and stressed you know they told me yesterday and each move to my cabin and then they said not to and then he said you can move greater you know and then about five minutes ago became like them and said you need to get out of here now we're going to put your stuff in carts and we're just going to put the step in carts out in the road here to start put some white sheets over it that's OK Let's get it move right so I don't know where my notes are and getting in are just had to get out of my cabin a few minutes ago I'm kind of anxious and stressed about it was crap. Shana sitting to my right and this woman is about four put to. Rights you can tell from her question you know steroid seat is not. Brought up and step. People like in the kitchen attacks her they say if you're carrying a knife. I. Can see another nurse to his datatypes and he said. They said to me we are grown ups we are adults we are nurses we carry around sharp instruments we do all kinds of stuff nobody is going to get hurt we will protect you if we carry something sharp we were protective stop anybody else from that sharp instrument and we are not going to crawl out in a cage and I. Think. So. So Sharon was sitting to my right and the next thing you know she grabbed my wrist and she pulled my She's pulling my hand towards or and I'm going like OK what is going on here she's pulling my head and it's great right towards her breasts you know and it's coming up right between her breasts and I'm going. The times are fortunate that. My hands are going right between us from his rats and I could feel you know I could feel you know the soft flesh and he just you know here and you know but here you know on the chipset It's my hand. But it's my hand doing it and she's pulling me and over there she's saying you know she is feeling anxious I feeling anxious to. My hand is hearing OK And then I've been then I really part it's going. I got you know I shifted my attention from. Kind of funny notice that. I said my God you are anxious your heart is just being away and she said yeah you know I'll bet most of us are kind of anxious that is the first class. And then everybody would. I mean. You know and then compare that to you know I'm in Cleveland right I'm doing a question I'm kind of stressed because here it's about this kind of here or you know late September or October and they said oh we have the most beautiful apartments market while I get solid orange. And you know hard. They're not soft you know it's kind of orange pulp it doesn't taste like tomato and I'm you know in something like what do I. Make something else and in a state of the class you know feeling kind of anxious during scraps and you know so many ingredients haven't come in and a woman says. And you've been meditating for more than thirty five years what do you have to be anxious about. I'm sorry but I guess my practice just isn't good enough. Maybe after thirty five years of practice you can do better you know. What can you say you know. Could we get it would be we are now I don't mean it we are like much good when you say get real it's sort of like oh you mean I get to be angry when I'm angry now and that's a lot of people getting real means you know getting angry telling you what I really think of you I just mean you know knowing what's actually going on me. And studying a bit you know how to be with them and how to relate to that and how to be intimate to you are before you go you know and how are you going to interact and communicate relate with things of the world other people and things and not just try to parse it around and tell it what to do. So this is you know been years of our culture and it's also use of human beings and you know this is what we're studying so it's about it's a few minutes to eight so I've gone on longer than I might have so we're not going to. Do questions right now we're going to just sit quietly procurements and have some announcements. Thank you for coming tonight.