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So, tonight I wanted to try something a little different.
For me, I want to see if you have some questions or comments or interests which I might respond
to.
I mean, I can sit here and talk, too, and kind of just like, you know, hear the questions
that are in the air, or, you know, something like that.
But if you have a particular interest or things that you would like, perhaps, for me
to talk about, I would also be happy to do that.
I do have some things that I want to say, but I'll probably end up saying them in the
course of things anyway.
Or, would it help if I started?
All right.
I'm going to say a few words, and then see if you have something you want me to talk
I think part of my feeling this week is, because I'm speaking in English, and, you know,
most of you are very good at German, and so I feel more comfortable, certainly, talking
with people who are more used to speaking English.
And I also feel like I do feel like I know what to talk about without anybody saying
anything.
So, I don't know so well, in some ways, what to talk about.
So, I want to explain a little bit about our week together here.
It's interesting because, in some ways, it's a session, you know, session is a week of
intensives in meditation.
And in some ways, it's not a session.
So in some ways, this could be confusing.
And so what we're doing is, you know, nobody's ever done this before.
We're making it up.
I hope you don't mind.
That we're just making this up this week.
What to do.
We did something like this last year, but, you know, this year it's different, even though
so we're making it up new.
Zen is from Japan, and, you know, none of us are Japanese.
So, I'm not sure that anybody who's not Japanese can do Zen.
I'm not sure the Japanese think so.
They have the, you know, in English we say, you know, the franchise.
They're the real Zen people.
And they look at the Americans and say, oh, you have a kindergarten monastery.
Oh, very nice.
So it might be that we're doing kindergarten Zen.
And certainly, you know, I neglected, Rainer has been very gracious to, you know, offer
some Qigong, and we will continue to have some if he's willing as the week goes on.
But I neglected to announce that this week, you know, that I'm not a Qigong teacher or
a Qigong master.
And actually, you know, we're not doing Qigong, you know, we're doing Edgung.
And I normally, I try to explain this right at the beginning so that you don't, you aren't
fooled, you know.
I am actually, you know, I have the outfit here, you know, I'm a Zen teacher.
I got the stick.
So I am a Zen teacher, but, you know, we Zen teachers, we don't know anything, you know.
Then when you know little enough, then you get to be a Zen teacher.
Before that, you know, it's like the, well, you know, many of you have had kids, you know,
16, 17, 18, 22, and they know everything.
My daughter knew everything until, you know, maybe a year or two ago.
She's 36 now.
Dad, she would explain to me.
So, you know, and there was one young man who was decided to run for the mayor of a local
city where I live, and he said, he was 18, he said, hire me while I still know everything.
It's just rather clever.
So, you know, I did, I don't know, you know, 50 or 60 or something, you know, real sessions.
You know, 12 or 14 periods of sitting, and sitting for the three meals, and, you know,
get up at whatever, three or four in the morning and sit down, and, you know, I would sit down
and sit until 9 or 10 at night, and I'm sorry, but, you know, I mean, maybe that's good,
you know, but I also think it's a young person's sport, you know.
It's for young people who are sturdy and athletic and have a body that they can still
abuse and, you know, injure and so forth, you know.
When, you know, back in the 60s, I mean, people used to go have knee surgeries because they
were, you know, so eager to sit the right way, you know, full lotus and everything.
Okay, you know, and so maybe this is good.
I'm in the, you know, Bankei.
Bankei is a Japanese Zen master from, I don't know, you know, 17th, 18th century or something.
And Bankei was famous because he did all this rigorous sitting and, you know, day and night,
and for a while he had, you know, sores on his buttocks that were oozing and, you know,
festering, and he went on sitting anyway on rocks, not just on cushions, and then he had
some, you know, great breakthrough, the story goes, and then he went around the country
talking to hundreds of people at a time.
I wonder how they did this without microphones, you know.
What did he do?
Did he yell?
I mean, it's amazing.
How could he talk to hundreds of people?
Anyway, and he used to say, sitting is overrated.
I did it.
I should know.
I did it.
You don't need to.
Just awaken your unborn Buddha mind and do what you want.
So then, of course, people would say, how do I do that?
Awaken my unborn Buddha mind?
And, you know, he would say things like, it's already been done, hasn't it?
I mean, you hear me talking, that's your unborn Buddha mind, you know.
You feel pain in your knee, that's your unborn Buddha mind.
What were you thinking it was?
Just pain in your knee?
It's your unborn Buddha mind.
Get used to it.
So, anyway, some people like to sit.
So I still like to sit, you know.
Okay.
Anyway, and some of you may like to sit.
So I'm here and we can do some sitting together.
But I kind of like a balance of, you know, some sitting and then we have some movement of some kind.
And this week it's turning out we have a movement of Ed Gong and Chi Gong.
Let's see how this goes.
And then we have, you know, some meals.
We have a little walking meditation.
And then, you know, we actually have, you know, a pretty good break.
After breakfast we have an hour and after lunch an hour.
We have some time after the work in the afternoon.
We have time after dinner.
So I want to recommend to you, you know, that you, you know, follow your spirit and find something to do with yourself that you enjoy.
If some of you want to come and sit some more, you can come and sit some more.
It may be, especially as the week goes on, you feel drawn to do some extra sitting other than when we're here and scheduled.
You may like to walk, get some fresh air, some exercise.
You may want to do some Chi Gong or some of you may do yoga.
I did yoga for, you know, 20 years or more.
And, you know, some of you might like to read or keep a journal.
So, sometimes if the session is very intensive, the one thing we're trying to do is not to talk.
You know, our idea is not to talk.
So it's to be more inward and less, you know, outward.
And to let something come from inside.
It's really quite mysterious.
You know, there's something coming from inside.
There are various kinds of experiences that come from inside.
In some way, all of our experience comes from inside.
And in a certain way, traditional Zen is designed to have something, a flash, inside.
This is a special, you know, particular form of intuition or insight.
Insight or intuition happens for, you know, many of us.
It happens in our work. It happens in our family life.
Sometimes there are times when we don't know what to do.
And we focus on not knowing what to do and study, you know, what do I do? What do I do?
And there are times when we cannot figure it out.
We cannot think it out.
And there's actually a wonderful book in English called Hair, Brain, Tortoise Mind.
You know, the hair like the rabbit.
That kind of hair.
Hair, Brain, Tortoise Mind.
And the subtitle of the book is,
How Intelligence Increases When You Think Less.
So this is what Zen is interested in.
The intelligence that increases when you think less.
And there are certain kinds of problems in our life we can't, it's not about thinking.
So when your mind is very focused, and Zen uses, you know, sometimes koans,
or, you know, particular phrases or passages to focus your thinking mind,
and then some insight can come.
Sometimes.
Apparently Mozart, you know, would have whole symphonies come to him.
In a flash.
Of course then he had to spend weeks and weeks and weeks writing down the notes.
Sometimes after your insight, you actually have a lot of work to do.
You know, you have to, you study how to put your enlightenment into practice.
And scientists have had these kind of insights.
And it's generally pretty well known that you, you know, that you're focused, you're very focused.
And then actually, interestingly enough, what helps is to relax.
Take a warm shower.
You know, go for a walk.
Many people, you know, take a nap.
Many people have had insight, you know, sometimes in a dream.
The person who came up with this six-sided carbon, whatever, you know, he dreamed it.
How the carbon molecules are structured.
And so taking a nap, going for a walk.
You do something that's relaxing and your mind is very focused.
It's the, and scientists now have studied this, it's the, you know, the left side of the brain that thinks this way.
It's very focused.
And then something flashes on the right side of the brain.
When you're relaxed.
So, sometimes I think traditional Zen over emphasizes just being focused and, you know, when do you get to relax?
And have something flash.
And there was one scientist, Richard Feynman, who was a nuclear, I mean, a Nobel Prize winner, I think, physicist.
He would concentrate and concentrate and concentrate and then he would, to relax, he went to topless bars.
And he would drink seven up at the topless bar and enjoy the entertainment.
The women with no tops.
And sometimes, and then when things occurred to him, he wrote it down on the cocktail napkins.
He studied this.
You know, how do you have insight?
So, I want to, in my, you know, we want to stay in some way, in a way focused.
And not distract ourselves with, you know, just talking.
Although maybe talking wouldn't be so bad either.
But, it's a little easy with talking to lose your focus.
And there are other ways to relax.
The walking.
This, you know, and maybe it's more relaxed to sit here with, you know, others here.
And to be able to move when you feel like moving.
And walk.
And watch the clouds.
We have this time this week, you know, we're not, we're not, we're out of our regular life.
So, just that alone is already pretty relaxing.
Not to have the ongoing affairs of your everyday life.
But what I don't know about this week, you know, is what to talk with you about meditation.
You know, there are all kinds of things people can say about meditation.
I'm perfectly capable of telling you, of giving you many, many instructions.
I'm not sure whether it will help you or not.
What are you, you know, and here's, you know, there are different reasons for instructions.
And basically, but basically, already, you know, the practice is taking care of this.
One of the basic concepts in Zen is that you have enough form, enough structure,
so that it's impossible to be you in that situation.
Do you understand?
Who are you used to being?
You're used to talking, you're used to, you get hungry, you're used to eating.
You know, if you're sitting here, you're not, pretty soon, you're not going to be able to be you.
And so, that's, the practice is taking care of itself.
How can you be you?
How can you stop being you?
Sometimes, if you get instructions, and you start trying to do the instructions,
it's just more, making more for yourself to do, and to help you go on being you.
I'm doing so well at following these instructions.
Oh, I'm not doing so well at following instructions.
Oh, gosh.
Then you get to be you, and see, and measure how well or poorly you follow instructions.
Does this help?
I don't know, maybe.
If you don't have any instructions, then you get,
and at last, what do I do? I don't know what to do.
Well, we have enough instructions anyway.
You all get into your cushion, and sitting, and facing the wall.
So, what else do you need to know?
And then you find out for yourself what to do.
And you can't be you while you're sitting there.
You can try, but after a while, you have enough problems that you can't go on being you.
You know, it's like, one of the metaphors is like you've got a lot of baggage,
and you think it's important to carry all this baggage with you.
Bring along your thoughts, and your feelings, and your stories,
and your practice, and the body you're used to having,
and then you start doing this practice,
and pretty soon, it's too heavy to carry all this stuff,
so you start dropping things.
Hey, drop it off.
Where?
Into the ground, into the floor.
Into the air.
Into the air.
Sometimes you just put your head down.
You know, at some point, it's just too hard to go on being you.
And you drop, things drop away.
And sometimes it's not as though, you know, this was part of what I quoted you from Dogen.
When you are realized by myriad things, your body and mind drops away.
So, it doesn't say you do the dropping.
It drops away.
Things that you're used to having around,
you know, things that you're used to thinking,
who you are,
what's important to you,
after a while, it just drops away.
It's too hard to go on doing that, and go on sitting.
So, you know, largely the practice takes care of itself.
And, you know, Suzuka, she used to say,
I give you talks because, you know, usually you need a little candy for your mind.
To keep it busy.
To give it something good to eat.
And then you can go on with your practice.
Your mind is satisfied.
Maybe candy is not a good word.
How about some brown rice?
So, you know, instructions sometimes are very good.
And then, on the other hand, this week, you see,
I haven't been giving you much instructions, except for
bow, facing your cushion, bow away, sit down, turn around.
You know, pretty simple.
And then, you know,
sit down.
So, let me tell you a poem, a Zen poem.
Some of you, many of you,
have heard of, there's a Japanese Zen teacher named Hakuin.
Hakuin was what, the 16th century?
He's the most famous Japanese Zen master of the last 500 years.
Later in his life, he drew a lot of, did a lot of calligraphy and
playful drawings with little palms and things.
So, this is from later in his life.
He wrote this little palm.
And then,
the demon, do you know demon?
Demon?
Demon.
Demon outside pushes at the door.
The demon inside holds it fast.
They struggle with all their might.
Sweat pouring from head to toe, they fight on
all through the night.
Until at last, in the morning light, laughter fills the air.
They were friends from the start.
That's like a flash of insight.
But this is the nature of our habit to
set up one against another.
And you will, it's easy to think you know that
there's some aim to sitting.
What you should be doing.
So this week I haven't been telling you anything about what you should be doing,
but probably you have plenty of ideas without me telling you.
And you'll believe them.
Okay.
If you have some particular interest or question
or want me to talk some about meditation or
how to do it, what to focus on,
I can give you some suggestions.
Otherwise, it's not that it's necessary, but if you're interested, I will
give some suggestions.
Yes.
I did always hear you should concentrate on one point,
like for example the brain,
to concentrate on the hara,
or how the brain will come out of the nose.
So it's always very focused on one point.
Yeah, I did always feel that and I also try to do that,
but sometimes I've got the impression that
maybe it's wrong, but that it does make
my mind go like this.
And sometimes I've got the impression that it's
better just only to sit there.
But then I don't know what...
Yeah.
So it's often useful to have a point of study,
like following your breath
in one fashion or another.
This is because as a rule,
generally speaking, we don't
our consciousness is not
connected very well to our body,
not connected very well to our thinking or our feeling.
So it seems pretty important to study and work on connecting,
you know, that your awareness
can focus and find the breath
and follow the breath.
So that,
that's the most common,
you know, focus for Buddhist meditation.
Finding your breath
and being with the sensations of breathing.
And
people have different than
suggestions to go with that.
So some people
you can have a more narrow focus
or you can have a wider focus.
And what I mean is,
you know, usually, again,
our common thing is to do something
with our awareness
the way we know how to do it.
So when somebody says,
I do that,
then you're doing it,
but you have to,
but after you do it for a while,
then you do it
with more of your personality
or who you are,
more feeling.
So, for instance,
you know, Suzuki Roshi talked a lot about following the breath.
And for many years, he said to count
as you breathe.
And you count as you exhale one,
and then the next exhale two,
up to ten, and then you start at one.
But when somebody says this,
then they will also try to say,
but, you know,
don't have the counting be separate from your experience.
The counting is to help bring your awareness
to the sensation.
Otherwise, your mind will go one, two, three,
and it's counting, but you're not aware of your breath.
So you're trying to connect the counting
with your breath wherever you're following it.
And usually, some people talk about the abdomen.
And those are the two most common
is the nostrils and the abdomen.
But another possibility is to follow the breath
where you notice it,
where the sensation is the strongest.
And, or to study where you notice your breath.
You know, you could spend a period
noticing the breath in the front,
and a period noticing the breath in the back.
Or for a while, see what you notice in the front,
see what you notice in the back.
See what you notice up,
see what you notice down.
And then, you know, Suzuki Roshi also said,
please be kind with your breath.
So being kind with your breath is a different feeling.
If you've tried, you know, following your breath,
and being very focused,
instead of being very focused, try being very kind.
Like, with your awareness,
you're very gentle touching
the inhalation and touching the exhalation,
like you're holding something very carefully.
So you're making your awareness
soft and tender and kind
in order to be with your breath.
Because your breath is that precious.
Okay.
And sometimes, of course,
you know, you can study the difference
between breathing
and letting your breath breathe you.
Usually when you go to follow the breath,
you have some idea of
giving the breath some directions.
And sometimes, you know,
how it would be in order to please you.
So,
but, you know,
if you invite your breath to breathe you,
this is an example of
when you forget yourself,
you will realize binary things.
So your breath
realizes itself
when you let it.
When you let it, your breath realizes itself
as you got out of the way.
And you,
and you let your breath
do what it loves to do.
So there are many possibilities.
But coming to your breath is,
you know, very powerful then.
And there's not just one way to do it.
Is that a hand up or register?
Activities.
Yeah.
I know that we are
alive and on this path.
But, in a way,
I find it possible
in my life that
it wasn't very difficult
to choose
the teachers
on this path.
And this is
for me now very, very difficult
because
I'm not very close to
make the decision
to get more coordination.
And therefore,
it's very hard for me now to know
which path
or which teacher I should go.
And this is something
what creates a lot of truth
whether it's in my brain
or it's in my heart.
If you're close to ordination
as a monk,
it's similar to
if you're about to get married.
When you have a big commitment,
many, many doubts will come up.
So, if you didn't have a lot of doubt
when you're about to make a big step like this,
it would be very unusual.
And maybe not so,
you know, maybe you would be missing something.
So,
it's important then to
honor your doubt
and to look into them
and to
in some way, you know,
either
either you're
you come to finally being settled
with your decision to go forward
or you're not.
And
I'm trying to remember.
Last year
or two years ago, you know,
I went to do a wedding.
And
the night before,
the day before we did the rehearsal,
we had a rehearsal,
then
it was a little funny, you know,
they were drinking wine at the rehearsal.
Most people start drinking wine
at the rehearsal.
Most people like the rehearsals
a little serious.
But then after the rehearsal,
there was a
rehearsal dinner.
And before dinner,
people were drinking
at the bar.
And then with dinner,
there was
wine
and more wine
and more wine.
And then long break between the courses
when people were drinking wine.
Not exactly my idea of a good time.
I went to stay at a
hotel.
I left the dinner early.
And then the next day I went to the wedding.
I thought it was going to be a wedding.
The caterer said to me,
the wedding is off.
And
little by little, I got the story.
The bride was there with her mother.
It was at the mother's house.
And
they said, well,
you know, we
we've already hired the
caterers and the musicians.
So we decided to go ahead and
have a party and just
so this is we're going to have a
not a wedding party.
And we've called the
man, the husband's family's
people to tell them not to come.
So anyway, at the last minute,
and then it turned out that the
after the dinner,
some of the younger
people
had gone out to bar.
They'd been drinking at three
or so before dinner
at dinner, and then they went
out to a bar.
And then they
one of the women
got in a fight with another
woman.
One of the women from
the husband's family and
one of the women from the and
then they brought the husband.
He got in a fight with the
wife's brother
and almost broke his arm.
So about one or two
in the morning, they called up
the woman who was going to get
married and said, you better get
down here.
And she went down and decided
he was someone
she hadn't realized he
was.
And she'd never seen him
that way and decided not to
get married.
As somebody put it,
it was just the truth
waiting to be seen.
So once in a while, you
know, your
you know, your doubts
come to something like that.
Most of your doubts
you
you know, and you see the
importance of your
the power of your commitment
and
and one of the main
you know, there are various
kinds of questions.
If it's a marriage, you know,
you want to
feel like it's the person
you're with is a good person
to have problems with.
You know,
rather than
and in Zen, it's something
like that. Is your
is your teacher a good person
to have problems with?
Because teachers
and students will always
have problems, just like
husband and wife and parent
and children.
It's a relationship.
You have problems.
So it's a good person
to study problems with.
And then also,
you know, teachers are
different, but
and you know, situations
are different.
With my students
and, you know, I only have
two ordained students,
but I tell them, you know,
I say
you should study
with the person you're with.
You should study with the people
you're with.
And if you find somebody
to study with, please study
with them.
So and then, you know,
and then I can go on having
a relationship with them
that's bigger than
you know, it's a little bit
like so, you know, when
your kids get to be teenagers,
you say, yeah,
please go to school
and come home and tell me
about it.
And, you know, go
go on that trip and come
home and tell me about it.
So I have more of that kind
of feeling rather than you
should just stay home.
No, I have the feeling of
please, you know,
find your way in your life
and we will continue
to be in relationship.
And, you know,
I think of Brother David
who many of you know
who is one of the founders
of Poric here with
with Vanya.
You know, it's Christian
Buddhist
Center.
And Brother David is one
of the founders and he's
a Benedictine
monk.
And so he
has he
must have, you know, at some
point,
you know, he was ordained.
He studies becoming
a Benedictine monk.
And then, you know,
he was at the first practice
period at Tassar in
1967 for
a month.
I was the cook.
He was the dishwasher.
I've known Brother David
since 1967.
I don't see him much.
But Brother David
is the kind of person he
studied Zen and then, you
know, for many years he
went.
Maybe you've heard of
Esalen in California,
you know, Human Growth
Institute or whatever,
you know, and they have
massage and
therapies and dance
and yoga and what have
you.
And Brother David was the
priest in residence at
Esalen for 10 or 15
years and living down the
road at New
Commodity Monastery or
someplace.
so the fact that he has
an ordination
doesn't keep him from
it gives him a kind of
home.
And he has that home
and that stability
and he can do many
things.
And for me, it's been
kind of like that.
I'm a Zen priest and
then I can do yoga
and study
many things
and do Ed Gong
and eventually some Qi Gong.
Study a little bit more
this week.
And, you know, I've
studied handwriting change
and hands-on healing
and, you know, many
different
things.
But I always think, you
know, being a Zen
priest is my home.
This is my home
place.
And it's a kind of home
that gives me a kind
of ground and stability
and center
and that, you know,
anything else I experience
I can bring it back
to being a
Zen priest.
So
it depends on the
situation but potentially
and, you know, marriages
can be like that too.
Potentially what you
learn and people
work out their
relationships
but potentially
what you learn in
various places you
bring back to your
relationship, what you
learn in your
relationship, you
take out into the
world.
And
so anyway we study
in various ways like
this.
Sometimes
and the teachers
at Zen Center are
different that way.
There's one of the
teachers at Zen Center.
He wants his... if he
is going to give
somebody ordination as
a priest, he wants
them to stay and study with him for five years, and then maybe they can go and do something.
But they will stay, you know, a pretty long time and study with him.
And other people, you know, like myself, if I ordain somebody, maybe you study with me
or maybe you go off and do something else, so it varies with the person, you know, what
kind of situation it is.
Oh.
Let's see what time it is.
Okay.
Well, we've done this long enough.
On to the next thing.
I did want to mention one other thing.
I'm going to make up some sheets to sign up.
You reminded me, Jens, that, you know, I'm going to have times when you can come sign
up and come and talk to me.
I'm going to start tomorrow, so I will have a few more then.
I will have altogether 16 sign-up places for now, which means that, you know, some of you,
if you wanted to sign up for tomorrow sometime, then there's the possibility you could also
sign up for later in the week after giving people a chance.
But probably not everybody wants to sign up, but you're welcome to come and talk to me
and I'm aiming to have one half hour times.
And then if we decide we want to do more of this kind of talking, I will schedule some
more times.
So one-to-one talking about one thing or another.
In Soto Zen, you know, we don't have a format for how to do the talking.
So when I first went to see Suzuki Roshi, I didn't know what to say.
And we were sitting very close.
And, you know, I felt very insecure.
I didn't know what to say.
So I was sitting.
And after a little bit, Suzuki Roshi said, how is your meditation?
And I said, not so good.
He said, you might have this feeling about your meditation.
It's pretty usual that we assess these things, good or bad, right or wrong, because in theory
if you've got more goods and less bads and more rights and less wrongs, people would
love you more.
Or you would gain more approval, recognition.
Is it true?
Probably not, but you'd like to think so.
Anyway, I said, meditation, not so good.
And Suzuki Roshi said, oh really, not so good?
What's going on?
And I said, well, I'm thinking a lot.
And he said, is there some problem about thinking?
I looked for it.
I couldn't find it.
And I said, well, you're not supposed to.
You know.
You're the teacher.
You should know that.
You're not supposed to think.
That's what you tell us.
Don't think so much.
And he said, I think thinking is pretty normal.
Don't you?
I think it's pretty normal to think.
I said, yeah, I guess it's pretty normal, yeah.
So anyway, then he talked some about thinking.
I know we need to think.
But if you sit some more, sometimes your thinking will be quiet.
So you don't have to.
Partly my point is, you don't have to have some big question or something necessarily to talk about.
You can just come and say, hi.
Hey, better come and say hello.
Because we can sit quietly, or maybe I have something to talk with you about.
I don't know.
So we'll find out if we want to do something.
And people have different ideas about these things, you know.
I mean, I went and sat with Suzuki Roshi, and Garagir Roshi, and Covincino, and you know, various things happened.
I read in a book by Sultan Malian.
Sultan has a center in southern Colorado in the Rockies.
You know, it's in the Bogosa Springs.
It's in a valley surrounded by mountains.
I haven't been there. I want to go sometime.
Tibetan.
So her first interview like this was with Trungpa Rinpoche.
And she said, she sat down, and she sat there.
She didn't know what to say.
And Trungpa Rinpoche sat there. He wasn't saying anything.
And they sat there for 30, 40 minutes.
And then in her book she says,
I realized he was giving me direct mind-to-mind transmission.
So you never know.
You can come and talk, and you might have direct mind-to-mind transmission.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Okay. Thank you.
Blessings.
So, we'll, um, if you take the time now and divide it in two, we'll walk for the first
half, sit for the second half, chant.
And up until nine o'clock.
So we'll still end at nine?
Okay.
Thank you.