I'd like to base my talk this morning on a passage from Not Always So. Not Always So is the title of a collection, I'm sure many of you know. It's the second collection of Suzuki Roshi's talks. Suzuki Roshi, the man who founded Zen Center, a lineage ancestor. This is a set of talks that was edited by Ed Brown. He did quite a wonderful job, a beautiful, beautifully edited talks of Suzuki Roshi's. The title, Not Always So, is actually in one of the talks. I don't remember exactly how it goes, but at one point he says something

[01:11]

like, Suzuki Roshi says something like, Zen practice can be summarized in two words, the first section of the book, which is about sitting practice, Zazen practice, about Shikantaza, which means, a Japanese phrase, it means just to sit. And in some way, we could say, just sitting is the heart of our practice, whether we're sitting or not, whether we're sitting

[02:18]

with our legs crossed or not. So this passage is at the very end of that first section on sitting, page 31. So it goes like this, a couple of paragraphs. When we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors. You should clearly know this point. You cannot waste your time, even though your practice is not so good. You may not even understand it, but someday,

[03:32]

sometime, someone will accept your practice. So just practice without wandering, without being involved in sightseeing Zazen. Then you have a chance to join our practice. Good or bad, doesn't matter. If you sit with this understanding, having conviction in your Buddha nature, then sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great Zen masters.

[04:43]

So the important point is to practice without any idea of a hasty gain, without any idea of fame or profit. We do not practice Zazen for the sake of others or for the sake of ourselves. Just practice Zazen for the sake of Zazen. Just sit. Those are Suzuki Roshi's words, and I really appreciate them. They're very deep, profound words. I'll say a little bit about different parts of this.

[06:00]

And also, it's very heartwarming because it's in the language of Suzuki Roshi. Suzuki Roshi-isms, the particular locutions that he was fond of. For example, so the important point is to practice without any idea of a hasty gain. Now, if you're a native English speaker, you wouldn't say without any idea of a hasty gain. It's kind of an awkward way to say it, but that was his English. Without being involved in sightseeing Zazen, that was the kind of English he spoke. It's very heartwarming to have it captured there on the page. So, he is speaking about Zazen and Zazen practice, sitting practice.

[07:14]

But maybe the first thing I would want to say is that I don't think he is just speaking about Zazen practice. It's not limited to Zazen practice. Some of you, I think there's a practice period going on here now. In fact, I know there is, because the Shuso is an old friend of mine, Mark Lesser. And the bum didn't come today to my talk. He said he would get a tape of it, so he'll get to hear that. No, he had other, more important things to do, out of all the nerve. Anyway, I know there's a practice period going on here, and my wife, who is the

[08:16]

co-abbess of Zen Center, is leading a practice period that just started at Green Gulch as well. So, during practice period, indeed, there is a lot of sitting, maybe more than you've ever done in your life, and these words are very, very useful. When we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors. But, even if you don't, even if this is the first time you've ever sat with your legs crossed, even if you're not in practice period, or even if whatever, still, I think Suzuki Roshi's words are quite relevant. And my own feeling is that it's a big mistake to understand religious ideas or spiritual ideas in too literal a way to reduce them to a kind of literal, fundamentalistic, rigid idea.

[09:29]

If we have a rigid idea of some spiritual notion, some idea good or bad, or heaven or hell, if we have a very limited idea of this that produces the idea, then there's no end of trouble that comes from that, no end of destruction. As we, this may be a political analysis, so to speak. And the point of practice is exactly the opposite. The point of practice is to free us from rigidities, to free us from stiff ideas of who we are and what's right and what's wrong, who's good and who's bad. To free us inside ourself from whatever idea we're stuck on.

[10:43]

So I would offer Suzuki Roshi's words as specifically about Zazen, but also in a wider way. In fact, the first time I read the words that I just quoted, I was on a hiking trip in the high Sierra in the Evolution Valley. I don't know who named it Evolution Valley, they named all of the peaks, like Mount Darwin and Mount Mendel, come out from Evolution Valley. Now coincidentally, I was in Evolution Valley with Mark Lesser, hello, I was just visiting, as well as two other old cronies. We all knew each other at Tassajara when we practiced,

[11:53]

we lived and practiced at Tassajara about 30 years ago, actually. At the end of the trip, we had six or seven days worth of beard, and of course you want someone to take your picture, because you look really good. We've been in the mountains, mountain man, we're tough, we come from the mountains. So we met these other people, these four women, who were also hiking around with their spouses and so on, and we got to talk. Oh, we're sisters, they said. So we said, would you take our picture? So we took our picture. Are you brothers? Oh, no, no, we're not brothers. Oh, you must have known each other in college. No, actually, we practiced Zen together in a Zen monastery 30 years ago, for a few years.

[13:00]

I said to one of them, and she said, oh. She probably figured, well, it's California, you know. People do things like that out here. So, for all four of us, it's true that we practiced Zazen a lot, 30 years ago when we lived in Tassara, and some of us have practiced intensively since. But again, mostly not. Mostly the four of us have not spent most of every day practicing Zazen for the last 30 years. But still, this is where I first read this passage. We even had a little Suzuki Roshi discussion group in the evenings, when we were hiking, you know.

[14:04]

And for all four of these people, as for many others, as maybe for you, 30 years from now, even if you just spend a month or three months or six months or five years practicing together with other people, for these four people anyway, this experience is kind of their Zen life, even though one is a computer, software, marketer, and so on and so forth, you know. Their Zen life actually, they feel this is the heart of their life. This is the core of their life. And this is because the point of practice is not limited just to sitting, but can be extended more widely than that. And some of what Suzuki Roshi says is not possible to understand really in a literal way anyway.

[15:08]

When he says, um, if you sit with this understanding, having conviction in your Buddha nature, then sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great Zen masters. Sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great Zen masters. What could he mean? My sense is that there are two basic interpretations. One is focused on sooner or later. Namely, later. Much, much later. Later than you think. Don't think about it, it's so much later. That's one interpretation. Then, in the midst of great Zen masters, sooner or later, you will find yourself, if you sit with this understanding, having conviction in your Buddha nature,

[16:14]

sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great Zen masters. I don't think he meant that after you practice some years, then you take a trip to China or Japan, and then you're in the midst of great Zen masters in the East. I don't think he meant there's a secret cabal of great Zen masters hiding in a basement in Peoria, Illinois, or Bloomington, Indiana. I don't think he meant that. Sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great Zen masters. These great Zen masters, I think he meant, these are the same people who yesterday were not great Zen masters. Your mother, or your granddaughter, or your uncle, or your neighbor, or your friend,

[17:24]

or your enemy, the person on the freeway driving next to you. The person on the freeway driving next to you who cuts you off. This is called the cutting-off Zen master. These are the great Zen masters that you will find yourself in the midst of. And not just people, but also things, and experiences, and emotions. Anger, Zen master. Upset state of mind, Zen master. Maybe cancer, Zen master.

[18:27]

These Zen masters, sometimes these Zen masters are very, very strict. Strict teachers, hard to practice with. Feeling of failure, I have failed in my life, Zen master. This is a tough teacher to practice with. I've hurt someone else, Zen master, a tough teacher. If we sit, if we practice, if we live with this understanding, having conviction in our Buddha nature, then sooner or later we will find ourselves in the midst of these great Zen masters. Or at the beginning of the passage that I quoted,

[20:05]

when we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors. You should clearly know this point. Again, this is not amenable really to a literal understanding. When we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors. One way to understand it is, you better be good. Santa Claus is coming to town. When we practice Zazen, we have all the Zen masters with us. All the ancestors are with us. So we should really try. Really do our best. That's one side. The other side is, when we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors.

[21:09]

When we practice, when we make an effort, then everyone is there to help us. All the ancestors are there to help us. We're not alone. We have help. We have assistance. We have encouragement. From all the ancestors. From Dogen and Dungshan and Shakyamuni Buddha. But not only those ancestors. Also from your own grandfather or grandmother. From Shakespeare Daisho or Bob Dylan Daisho or anyone. These are the ancestors that are with us to encourage us and help us. Help us follow our path. Find our path and follow our path. Find our way and commit ourselves to that way.

[22:13]

And work on it, play with it and live it. So when we practice Zazen, we are practicing with all the ancestors. You should clearly know this point. You cannot waste your time. Even though your practice is not so good. You may not even understand it. This is very deep. You may not even understand it. What do you mean you may not even understand it? You mean I was supposed to devote myself to this practice and spend endless hours looking at some dumb wall and I may not even understand it? I'm an American.

[23:13]

I won't stand for this. I have my rights. You may not even understand it, he says. We want to understand it. We think we need to understand it. We think we need to understand Zazen and Zen practice and our life and what to do and what not to do. We think we need to understand it. We need to, somebody should explain it to us. Then we'll understand it. And then we'll be able to figure out what to do. One, two, three. It's a simple, simple formula. Somebody can explain Zen practice, how it works this way. You do this and this. And then these are the benefits that accrue. Short term, mid term, long term benefits that accrue from Zen practice.

[24:20]

Like stocks, right? And then we can, then we, oh, I see. Well, you do this and you do this and you have to sit this many hours and then these things happen. And then we can compare it to other practices and see which are better. This one might be better. That one might be better. What is that? Cost benefit analysis. We can do a cost benefit analysis. So why is it that we're so interested in understanding it is because we're afraid of our unfettered life. Of course, we're afraid of it. We're afraid of, we're afraid of open possibilities. Who knows what might happen? Who knows what might happen if we're not in control of things? Dogen quotes, and I think it's Yui Butsu Yobutsu, he says, he quotes an old, he's

[25:30]

quoting somebody else and he says, the student asked, when a thousand, a myriad of things come all at once, what should I do? The teacher said, don't try to control them. That's a tall order. And just one thing coming, we want to control it. Never mind the thousand things that are endlessly coming our way. We want to control it because we're afraid. If we don't, we think if we control it, then we, then we're in charge. Then we're protected. Then we're safe. So when Suzuki Roshi says, you may not even understand it, this is a radical, a radically different perspective, a radically different basis for approaching our life than our usual

[26:32]

way. There's a, if you can believe it, this is one word in Sanskrit, Anupalabdhi Dharmakashanti. It means the intuitive tolerance for the inconceivability of all things. The intuitive tolerance. How do we tolerate not understanding? One way is that we don't tolerate it and we turn it into understanding. We turn it into analysis. We turn it into control. We turn it into something that we can grab a hold of. But to tolerate, you may not even understand it.

[27:37]

To tolerate the anxiety and the disturbance of that, the openness of that. And then they say the radical openness. This is, I think, what Suzuki Roshi is encouraging us to do. Simply by saying, well, you may not understand it. And then there's the clincher. You may not understand it, but sometime, someday, someone will accept your practice. This is instead of understanding it and controlling it. Someday, sometime, someone will accept your practice. And again, I think there's a more literal way and a less literal way of understanding it. For some of us, sometime, it may be very useful to have some person who's not yourself say, oh, I accept your practice.

[28:40]

I accept your practice. It's a wonderful thing. But also, we shouldn't forget that the one who accepts my practice is here. To accept my practice. Someday, sometime, someone will accept your practice. This is called, in Zen talk, this is called throwing yourself into the house of Buddha.

[29:50]

Highly recommended practice. And then there's the clincher, which is, I think, what Suzuki Roshi is encouraging us to do. So just practice without wandering, without being involved in sightseeing, zazen. Suzuki Roshi here is reflecting, among others, he's reflecting Dogen. Dogen in Fukan Zazengi, in the universal admonitions, in the universal encouragements about how to do zazen. And Dogen says, why leave the seat that exists in your own home

[30:54]

to go off to the dusty realms of other lands? This is the same as Suzuki Roshi saying, so just practice without wandering. Don't wander into the dusty realms of other lands. Don't go sightseeing, even to beautiful, fabulous, terrific sights. Don't be involved in sightseeing, zazen. Why leave the seat that exists in your own home to go off to the dusty realms of other lands? Dogen asks, why we leave that seat? Excuse me. Well, the reason we leave that seat is because we don't like the seat that exists in our own home. We don't like that seat. It's the wrong color.

[31:56]

Shabby. It's an embarrassing seat. You wouldn't invite somebody into your own home to this seat that's in your own home. It's very embarrassing. That's why we're leaving this seat. You could tell Mr. Dogen why. That's why. So I thought of an illustration for this, kind of an immediate illustration. First, I'm going to see what time it is now. Oh, I'm doing great. I've got plenty of time. So the illustration is this Dharma talk that I'm giving today, which, you know, I appreciate very much giving a Dharma talk for many reasons. I get to hear the Dharma, and that's always nice, good, good for me.

[33:05]

And it's a way for me to express my gratitude to Suzuki Roshi for showing up. I'm very grateful for that. And so there are many reasons. Now, among those reasons for one of the things that I like about giving a Dharma talk is that afterward, after the talk is over, you know, sometimes 10 minutes after it's over, or even a week after it's over, someone will come up to me and say, that was a terrific Dharma talk. This is part of why I like giving the Dharma talk.

[34:09]

Oh, really? Well, thank you. Or a month from now, or years later, like the other day, somebody who I've known for many years called me and said something. We were talking about something. He said, oh, I heard you really give great Dharma talks. They're very deep. Oh, really? Oh, you did. Okay. So, now, according to the rules, I'm not supposed to care. Right? I'm supposed to have an attitude of, is that so? Terrific Dharma talk? Is that so? Terrible Dharma talk? Is that so? That's the attitude I'm supposed to have.

[35:13]

But the seat that exists in my own home, to not go wandering off to the dusty realms of other lands, the seat that exists in my own home includes this, who I am. I don't need to exclude it. Even though it makes my seat look, you know, not quite Zen enough, not quite fancy, not quite slick, not quite beautiful and spiritual and, you know, indifferent to the passionate coursings in the world. This is the seat that exists in my own home. This is where I have to find room on this seat. You see what I mean? I'm telling you this so that you understand the same thing for you. You must have something like this for you, right? Something that doesn't look so good.

[36:16]

You don't think, oh, this is, you know, Zen, you know, is really terrific. You know, you want everyone to see you like this. Not when you're doing something embarrassing, right? But this is the seat that exists in your own home. Don't go off to the dusty realms of other lands. Why go off to the dusty realms of other lands? Why leave the seat that exists in our own home? This is where we practice, Dogen is telling us, right here in this seat, in this who I have, in this existence, not some fancy existence that we're going to find after we attain enlightenment, but now, we have to make room. We have to make room in our very limited life for the unlimited. Not just where it's easy to make room, but when we're being cut off on the freeway.

[37:23]

That's where, that's the seat that exists in our own home. That's where we have to make room. In the Vimalakirti Sutra, Vimalakirti is a rich person and he's sick. And Buddha, who's a friend of his, wants to, you know, kind of send over some emissaries to kind of give Vimalakirti his regards. Oh, I hope you're feeling better. Hope you get better soon. So on and so forth. So he convinces, he has a lot of, Buddha has a lot of trouble convincing anybody to go over and talk to Vimalakirti for reasons I won't get involved in. It's a very funny sutra. Usually you don't think of sutras as being funny, but this has a lot of humor in this one. But anyway, Manjushri says, okay, I'll go over. So Manjushri's going over. So then, because everybody knows that when Manjushri goes over, Manjushri and Vimalakirti

[38:26]

are going to have a really terrific dharma discussion. So 84,000 bodhisattvas say, well, if you're going Manjushri, I'll go too. So 84,000 bodhisattvas go with Manjushri. Now, Vimalakirti, even though he's rich, he lives in a very small room, his bed, where he's sick, he's sick in bed, and it's in a room that's only 10 feet by 10 feet. Maybe someone here knows. I think in Japanese that's Hojo, 10 feet by 10 feet is Hojo, and that's the abbess or abbot's quarters are called Hojo. So like Suzuki Roshi's wife used to call her husband, she didn't call him Suzuki Roshi, she called him Hojo-san, means 10 foot, Mr. 10 foot, Mr. 10 feet by 10 feet.

[39:28]

So Vimalakirti, and this comes from the Vimalakirti Sutra, where Vimalakirti was in bed in a room that was just 10 feet by 10 feet, so 84,000 bodhisattvas plus Manjushri come on over. And Shariputra, another one of these 84,000, he's kind of the fall guy in the Vimalakirti Sutra. He walks in the door and he kind of looks around and thinks to himself, how are 84,000 bodhisattvas going to fit in here? Now, one of the conceits of the Vimalakirti Sutra is that Vimalakirti can read Shariputra's mind. So he reads Shariputra's mind and he reprimands him, he says, Shariputra, I don't remember exactly what he says, but something like, you know, don't have such a limited idea. And then, he magically manifests 84,000 golden thrones, one throne each for each one of the

[40:41]

84,000 bodhisattvas. And then it says in the Sutra, but the room did not get any bigger. And just in case you're wondering, the bodhisattvas are the least human size. They're not tiny. They're at least as big as humans may be bigger. This is why leave the seat that exists in your own 10-foot home to go off to the dusty realms of other lands. 84,000 bodhisattvas fit into this 10 by 10 room. Enlightenment fits into my crummy life, your life, whether it's good or bad, happy or sad. Realization, emptiness, openness fits.

[41:47]

Doesn't need any special place to fit. It'll fit wherever you are. That's why he says, just practice without wandering. Without being involved in sightseeing, zazen, then you have a chance to join our practice. Then you have a chance to practice. When you don't go sightseeing, don't go to the dusty realms of other lands, but stay at home with where I am now. Good or bad doesn't matter, Suzuki Roshi says. Good or bad doesn't matter. He means our idea of our own practice, our idea of our own life, whether our idea is, oh, this is good practice, this is bad practice, this is a terrible life, this is a good life,

[42:49]

this is a wonderful moment, this is an awful moment. It doesn't matter. It simply doesn't matter. If you sit with this understanding, having conviction in your Buddha nature, then sooner or later, you will find yourself in the midst of great zen masters. So, the last point I'll make is about this last sentence.

[44:03]

If you sit with this understanding, having conviction in your Buddha nature, and we could say that really, zen practice is about encouraging our life, which is the same thing as cultivating the conviction in my own Buddha nature, in your own Buddha nature. The teacher asked the student, how is your practice? The student said, wobbly. The teacher said, oh, you're a wobbly Buddha.

[45:04]

This is having conviction in your own Buddha nature. And we think there's always some special gate, but the gate is always there, the gate is always close to recognize this. So, thank you.

[46:31]

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