1992.11.08-serial.00243

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i'm ah camping and concluding on protecting the next to and practice work
maybe not in here

the

into little over the well

huh
huh

go anyway and in the on the new neocons and he tells he says there's a month goes to the master and says
i what about the monk has been at the monastery lives and never comes back
and the the master says he's an ungrateful as
and what about this didn't who comes to the monastery lives and then comes back again you know to visit or whatever and he says the teacher said well he remembers the benefits
then the students as well what are the benefits
huh
and the teacher says
heat in the summer and called in the winter
and so this is a marvelous answer don't you think
and these are the kind of things that kidding cold and sweet and sour and light and dark these are the kind of things that we kind of think it might be nice to get away from and have some freedom from these kind of things and actually these are the benefits and somehow it takes doing zen practice or you know something like that sometimes for
or us to realize that these are actually benefits
them
oh
so anyway i will tell you a little bit about what i've been finding out from people who have left and you know i've invited them back they've come back
it's pretty nice

so it's interesting what we were you know we started out to practice and and m
in a lot of ways we thought that we with them you know become buddhas
and we would get enlightened and we would have great realization and people would recognize us after a while now
ah
nice to meet you buddha and wouldn't that be nice you know
and so as one person described this kind of practice you know to do this kind of practice you'd have to look good k what's important is looking good
you know that you look like a buddha k so as this one woman described her practice she said i think that i was doing was making a really beautiful brick wall the kind of covered up everything that might not look good
this is pretty nice and you so you you put on nice robe and you show up at all the right occasions and you have the right posture and you look really good
and
and it's pretty nice for a while and you know you have a new life and all that other stuff you know that was so troublesome
ah you can put in a look nice closet and you have this beautiful door on the closet
and unfortunately know once in a while something sort of leaks or spills out of the closet
and you'd try to stuff it back and before anybody notices
know this is important
that it doesn't show and that other people won't find out that that maybe you're not really improve it
and when you're really good at this and successful this you not only in a hide it from others but you hide it from yourself
so it feels pretty good for a long time you know it can be pretty good for a while then you know but little things happen you know a new kind of get her
reminded that you're maybe not a booty it
you know so for me for instance like i was been a nice buddha and
you know i noticed the at tassajara for instance before we had the backdoor kitchen the back door cafe you know where you can go and get a little snack at the back door of the kitchen it was real important like the food and the zendo was really important and any kind of che che it was really important and there be like
one cookie per person
so then it was really important what size cookie you got
and i tell myself it's not important to me
that's those other people they're really into getting the largest cookie okay let them go to govern i'm i am serene
and beyond that you know
then one day somebody gave me a present it was mrs suzuki and she gave me a box of mix salted nuts
i think they were planters
i thought isn't this nice you know somebody has recognized what a buddha am and
and now they that it's mrs suzuki herself you know the master's wife great
and
what a fine you know recognition this is and i had the nuts in my room and at that were one of these days i'll bring them out and shirt share them with you know my friends or whatever you know it would be really nice
and you know at the weeks went by i don't know you know two three weeks anyway
and then one day it was in the afternoon and i was kind of little tired and little kind depressed may maybe know i opened up the nuts and i thought well it just eight of you and you know i should try them out and
and then i'll share them later so i ate in the nuts and i was very careful about it and i had like four or five nuts in like one of each kind
a brazil nut and and pecan and walnut and almond known couple of peanuts
they were very good there were salty and greasy
they were really exquisitely delicious under the circumstances there were so exquisitely delicious that i decided to postpone sharing them with everyone
you know for another day or two
and i carefully eight that box over of nuts over the period of two or three weeks you know a few each day it was very disciplined
i wasn't really greedy about it
about after all that i kind of had to acknowledge that i hadn't ever shared them with if you put a shepherd's not a single nut not even a not even a single net for a bird or you know
a squirrel
no i had hoarded them
and then
so i had to kind of admit
this was sort of too obvious
yeah to overlook and there wasn't wasn't very easy to hide it from myself you know that maybe i was that i also had some breed you know and some sense of trying to you know accumulate something for myself that others weren't gonna get
so the you know the little brick wall the nice beautiful brick wall there it it sort of slips at times and falls apart and then you'd try to put it back together
so you can look good in your practice and carry on and so you look like a buddha
come
so this is interesting you know so we actually did this for long time and so we didn't want to
you know what one other place one of the places where things get messy is like if you have a friend or a lover or a spouse or marriage or kids know somehow you can't when you're doing that you can't it's not so easy to look like a buddha
so if you wanna do this look like a bit of practice it's better to leave you know that life and come to the monastery and then not have those kind of relationships with people that might get a little messier sticky you know
because those will spoil your that will spoil your image
they
oh so we we followed the schedule you know and we did all this of practice
and years went by
and
and then for various reasons were intended to in a lame sensor and it seems like actually what happens is that by doing this kind of practice pretty soon you begin to realize that there's something else going on you know there's still this old life
and there's all these so there there's these kind of feelings
and actually we begin to notice that we have this something inside that wants to express itself wants to be with people and work with people relate to people connect with people
you know a pale with people
that means that you know that means family
and of friends
a couple of the people who came started during twelve step programs they could actually talk about what's going on in their life
and actually begin to honor or treasure
or realized that what's inside and not been expressed in what used to be something you hid and didn't let other people know about is actually this treasure that you can use and express and offered to others who share with others and it becomes a great gift
k very interesting isn't it
and yet we couldn't do that right at the start couldn't do that right up we needed to set of close up for while
and and begin to find out that this was a treasure actually not something we needed to keep walled waldorf
hey
ah
so in thinking about this i was reminded a couple other stories that neocons and xochi tells about some cons
one is
he says one time a priest from japan came to visit is that agenda in los angeles and while they're in the meditation how the priest said what is then and yoga since erkki said
excuse me but here in the meditation always sit in this is where we sit in silence
and so a while later they were in the library and the priest started to ask again what is zen and he said this is the library wait
this is where we sit and read in silence
and when they got to the kitchen before the priests could ask again he said this is the kitchen where we work in silence and we ate our food mindful in silence
and then when the monk was living when the priest was living he guess what is then and then he was gone
and so this is seen as one sort of feeling about
that you know one kind of flavor about what zen is know like we don't talk about it
and in a way you know we took this kind of literally for a long time you know doing zen practice they were not going to talk about it were not gonna talk about and we're not going to talk about ourselves and you know our feelings are you know
and so on
but there wasn't there is another story that the against is okay chosen he says what is than them in the the the student as the teacher and the teacher answered with him you know a chinese a chinese term
i'm not you know up and my chinese but it's something like sin
ds or zero sin sin and meagan since can says the meaning of this word is is as a noun it means mother father or self
that's pretty close to home isn't it and then as an adjective he says it means
what is your most precious our most valuable
and then as a noun it's to love to to see constantly to know thoroughly to understand through and through
it's what's most intimate
what's closest to the heart
this is what we're trying to ah
no in our zen practice
and at some point you know it it becomes much more important to begin really to express it and to act on it into actually manifested in one's life and sometimes that's possibly do by stain and send centre sometimes we have to go out in the world
the to manifest or express this heart you know the feeling that's there
so one of our former students tony is tiny patch of works now as they he said somebody asked him or why did you stop doing and practice nice said well it was really good medicine but you know after why you keep taking the good medicine in you're already que
card and then pretty soon is making you sick
and he says i got bored
i got bored bain and zen center
so i went out and you know he did various things and now finally his working as a therapist for the city of san francisco and his clients are street people homeless people who were primarily or iv drug users with aids
it's very difficult work
but you can see how this is you know this is a real work of the heart for him
and you can and also it's very clear
you know that he sees in each person would they say about a bodhisattva a seen but in nature in each person without exception
no no matter how in other terms no matter how in a bad the person looks these are people who aren't able to cover up much of anything no nice brick walls here you know no nice smooth exteriors
you know it's a much more
raw than that you know often with but he said you know i didn't realize but there's actually people in a homeless people have maggots falling out of their stomachs and you know often foot problems and and maggots in their faith because they're on their feet so much
and he mentioned one person they had to go to the hospital and take him out of the hospital because the hospital wasn't treating him you know they just have a modern rooms some places they're not and they are abandoned him they're letting him starve to death basically know there he should be this is somebody who's very dehydrated you as should be on iv
and they hadn't taken out of one hospital and taken to another hospital where he would actually be treated
sir tony i'm you know said tony told us about his work
ah and you know the kind of a caring
deep you know karen
and a in a non-event in of sentient beings
ah is very obvious there
none abandoned and since you've been seeing what is most precious buddha nature or you know some light some value in each person
and respecting that knowing that meeting that i'm trying to bring that out and help you know people realize that
ha
and he said them or was sometimes now he when he practiced meditation it's very different
now he said it's like a cool drink and a hot day
you know in your very thirsty and it's so refreshing to be able to sit and before he was much more and that kind of motive make it look good
accomplish something have something to show for it get others to respect you
in a buyer good looking practice

another one of our are former students
it was really a i enjoyed it very much and it was it was kind of funny because you know now he says i hate that buddhism stuff
and is very involved with his family his children he works fairly short hours they can spend more time with his family
even though he's running a restaurant now and you know he in limits the amount of time that he words
it's not as successful as it would be in fewer twelve and fourteen hours a day he works about six hours a day so they don't have plenty of time for his daughter and his wife
and he said well back he had bought some tapes by jack kornfield in he thought he'd been listen to them gather enlightenment on the way to work in a from work and he listened for little bit and then after i just threw them away
that i hate that buddhism stuff
it was very refreshing
and somebody asked him you know like you have a family you have a daughter you have a business don't you find that this is sort of like these are attachments
and and and don't you and you do try to like have some detachment with these attachments
he said no i don't think about that at all
huh
why can he say that you know why he says that he's very clear about it is because he did zen practice
doing zone practices you know he says he says now i actually have confidence in myself what's going on with me i know what's going on with me and then i act on what's going on with men and there's a problem then i'll relate to their i'll do something about that but own dream these things up or you know that somebody else says we
be good you should have some detachment with your attachments why would i put that on myself is a very good example of don't put another head above your own head and don't make up these kind of things about oh i should be more detached oh i should be this oh i should be that you know i shouldn't have you know i should get it together
on and on you know all this step he says i hate that stuff
so he is
and then it's very clear he has a real feeling for the fact that practicing sin sincerely doing meditation living in sin center all that time it's given him his kind of confidence
you know in his own life in his own feelings and that he can actually know you know these are and what was before kind of contained and enclosed and you know you're looking good in there this is now something that you use your life this is the treasure
now he just spends his treasure
you know which is family with his friends in his business for the people who works with and he uses that which is isn't himself you know
and his sensibilities and his feelings and he can use them
do you see
and the same with the you know we have a school teacher
laura now teaches so fifth grade or something she says i'd try to say my kids is luminous beings
you know like sit down you little luminous beings
huh
we were joking about that
a

so it's it's interesting now that you know i look at this to say actually that this the dead kind of in a practice which in some ways you know we can laugh at
this practice of looking good and you know i made an exquisite brick wall that covered up every you know all the problems from my life as i wouldn't have to relate to them and actually this was a developing
you know a new way
our structure of how to relate to what's really going on in one's life
actually there's a place for this kind of practice you know making a nice wall
you know isolating yourself
sitting facing the wall there's a there's a place in a value for this
and it helps us actually to find no confidence into actually know how we feel what we really think what actually or heart is what really is a value and to find out that we want to you know know and express her heart
and then to meet others and to are you know have a difficulties and pains and work to resolve in them you know whether it's with school kids are homeless people or customers at your restaurant or you know
peter van der steer also who's the new head of our construction crew here came and talked
so here same thing you know is founder or a way to really express what's in him in the world
in activity
but it may very well be that he couldn't have done that you know without taking his time to settle himself
and then
and he had to make a real decision at some point after doing that for some time he he very clearly came to a camp decision
of one into connect with others you can see his tendency was to isolate himself
nice place
waiting for people who said to recognize me
my understanding
so now he can do you know related people and it's hard for him sometimes you know but it's also very clearly very fulfilling for him there's some real fulfillment there in meeting with people and worked with people family life
although very difficult very painful also very fulfilling
and so it very much is that
what started out like to be it is a
places where you don't look good is actually the benefit
new the place where there's a problem and where you're exposed where you're vulnerable where you look bad this is actually this treasure in this benefit this place of treasure and an in benefit and value and fulfillment well being
it's coming to us through those places

hmm but again
when it seems to be sometimes necessary to have some
opportunity
to not have to be in the midst of all that stuff all the time to have some opportunity for a kind of quiet to digest things to absorb things and to stabilize yourself strengthen yourself
know yourself
to be able to say and realize appreciate that that those actually are the benefits the places where where hot and cold and you know and
where we are overjoyed and and tears and so on these are are real benefits and and that we have this treasure in her heart of all of our feelings that we want to express and relate to others around
i like to am i close my talk then with a short a quote from stephen the vine
that was in one of his little announcement stephen the vine is someone who are you may know he
ah he and his wife andrea have worked with a worked for many years with dying people people with diseases
a life-threatening diseases and before he did that work he was a
meditation student for ten or fifteen years in the apostolic tradition
so this is what he says this short thing which i
appreciated
we're all in the same boat
sometimes the heart
is wide open
and all seems perfectly attuned
at other times the mind is clouded and we it's very difficult to find the path of healing
ah but when the mind is clear
we see
all the way to our heart and know it well
each of us is approaching the healing we took birth for
may all beings be free from suffering
a man chavez
discover the light of our true nature
express
the treasure of are hard to give her much the pin

think she'd like to bring up your welcome to do so

happy
melissa
welcome

did
the people new one strategy is to identify years
more me
daniel

and then you can see that is the one is the real one and than the other to shadow him so yeah we oftentimes we used spiritual practice as a as a way to do better what we were returned to do is to start with

authority
do what i say because i've got this particular
one
it's a little bugs
politically becomes afternoon when there's some particular faction has a way of looking at things and if you look at the way that's wrong
in so you should know you have served as you try to silence the opposition
and one of them
trying to
every boys can be heard
over time and do you work at a broad net
actually come together
he attacked by another one
you know arts