I am here to see and listen to, to learn and learn and accept. I vow to take the truth of the Tantra Catastrophes. I vow to take the truth of the Tantra Catastrophes. I vow to take the truth of the Tantra Catastrophes.

[01:04]

I vow to take the truth of the Tantra Catastrophes. [...]

[02:05]

I vow to take the truth of the Tantra Catastrophes. Sometimes I wish I could say, in just a few words, something, so that everyone was enlightened. And there was an end to the madness of the arms race, and so much suffering, unnecessary suffering in the world, including the kind of suffering that animals have when they are raised to be food for people. But I would be quite startled if it turned out I had that kind of power.

[03:23]

So if anything like that happens, we can, I think, consider it an accident. And even if I say something that is useful for you, please remember that it comes from you yourself. And I just say something to awaken it. And I don't really have anything new to say, but I will tell you a few stories tonight, which I've heard recently. And I've told some of these stories to various groups of you at various times in the last few days,

[04:34]

so if you've already heard it, hear it again. The first story is about a poet. I think his name is... I've never read his poetry, but I think his name is William Stafford. And he has a practice each day to write a poem. So he gets up about 5 o'clock, and around 5.20 he starts working on a poem. And he works on the poem for a couple of hours until his kids get up. And then he makes them breakfast and makes sure that they get off to school. And in the meantime, he puts the poem on the shelf between the kitchen and the dining room.

[05:37]

He has a special place for it. And then he does some work. And perhaps if he has a little time after lunch, he works some more on his poem. And then he works in the afternoon, and then he takes care of his kids, and finally when they get to bed, around 9 o'clock he starts again. He finishes up his poem and goes to bed. And one time a woman interviewed him. She said, I hear that you have a practice of writing a poem every day. But suppose that one day you're just not very good. What happens then? And he said, I lower my standards. Our standards are much too high. Anyway, I think our meditation practice is like that.

[06:46]

Maybe our whole life is like that. But meditation practice is not something that you can say, well, suppose you're just not very good at it. Or suppose there's some days when you're not very good at it. And the same is true of life, our daily life. What about that? But he can sustain his life in his practice. And his effort to become intimate with his own life and his poetry, and to know his life through poetry, because he is willing to lower his standards.

[07:56]

And I heard another story similar to this. Somewhat similar. This was a story about a man. This was a story about someone was visiting or doing some work with Henry Moore, the sculptor one day. And a young man came in, apparently with a small statue of Apollo. And he said, why don't you take a look at this? There's something wrong with it. I can't tell what it is. And Henry Moore said, well, throw it on the floor, see how it looks then. Anyway, that seemed like pretty good advice.

[09:20]

Today in the yoga workshop, Roger had the same advice. As long as you're working in the posture, it has some life. And when you stop working, you become a statue. Anyway, we need to take the statue and throw it down, see what it's like then. Zen, of course, there's Zen stories like that. What do I do if I have nothing on my mind? Oh, throw it away. But if I have nothing, what should I do?

[10:30]

Oh, well, toss it out. Anyway, there's many similar stories like that. We don't know exactly what to do. Or what's going on. And whatever we have, if we have some rule or recipe, it may not work. But I wonder sometimes why.

[12:01]

We would practice, many of us, meditation. Or why we would become alcoholics or workaholics. Or the many things we do, in some effort to put an end to the suffering in our life. What is it that's so difficult about being happy? Just being happy with who you are, who I am.

[13:02]

Just feeling that it's all right to be here. Why would it be so difficult? And why we think we have to continue to be critical and find fault and jump on mistakes. Or blame ourselves. Or blame other people. And so on. And we have all that kind of unhappiness. Here at Tassajara it's surprising. I've only been back a few days. I don't see it so much.

[14:11]

But anyway, oftentimes we have that kind of difficulty. What about having it be all right to be who you are? How would you do that? Do you have to accomplish something? Do you have to have pleasure? Do you have to have some special experience that's beyond your past experiences? Do you have to destroy a critical mind?

[15:31]

Do you have to not be present in order to forget about being critical? Do you have to have pleasure? I think mostly we think, I know my experience is mostly, I've thought, I have to accomplish something, I have to attain something that would indicate that I'm a really good person because I've been able to accomplish that or attain it. Whether it's a lifestyle or a girlfriend or a state of meditation, I've thought, I have to. Maybe if I can attain that, I could be happy with myself. But of course then I set new standards.

[16:37]

That's called samsara. There's no end to it. So recently I saw a Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, and he said, well, the most important thing is to be happy. This is the most fundamental and most basic point, to be happy. And you don't need to do a lot of zazen to be happy. And he told a story about a man who practiced reciting Buddha's name, Namo Amida Butsu, Namo Amida Butsu. I take refuge in Amida Buddha. And they say, of course, that if you chant Namo Amida Butsu, you'll be reborn in the Western Pure Land. It's a wonderful place where you can have the taste of any food you want in your mouth

[17:43]

and the sensation of eating it without actually having to have it in your mouth and swallow it and digest it and all of that. There's some wonderful pleasures there. And the water, they say, in the Pure Land, if you cross the creek, it will come up to whatever height on your body you want it to come up to. If you want it to come up to your ankles, it will come up to your ankles. And if you want it to come up to your knees, it will come up to your knees. And whatever height it comes up to on your body, it's said to arouse heavenly delight. And it will be whatever temperature you want it to be. Hot days, you can have it. Cool days, you have it hot. Nice place. Anyway, this man practiced chanting Namo Amida Butsu. And he chanted, he would practice this very assiduously and religiously, you might say,

[18:56]

faithfully, several hours a day for three or four years. One day his friend came and knocked on the door and called out to him. I don't know, why didn't I use my name? Ed! Ed! Hey, I'm busy, you know, I'm practicing meditation. What is he doing? He's bugging me now. Ed! Ed! Anyway, the friend kept up calling his name while he was busy practicing meditation. I don't want to be disturbed, after all, in my pure practice. Ed, his friend kept calling for an hour or so.

[19:58]

Finally, the person leaped up, went to the door, opened the door. He said, what do you want anyway? Can't you tell I'm busy practicing meditation and I don't want to be disturbed? And his friend said, how do you suppose Buddha must feel now? You've been calling his name for three or four years. Anyway, I think our life is like that. We get carried away with this kind of religious practices, various trips, you know. One thing or another to keep ourselves busy. Anyway, we don't need to do a lot of zazen or recite in the name of Buddha to be happy.

[21:09]

Or to feel all right about who we are, about being here. But what is it? What is it then? If it doesn't involve hard work, years of slave labor. Or to try to please someone with high standards. I heard about...

[22:16]

I'm afraid some of you have heard this story before too. I heard when I visited Oberlin College that somebody was visiting the same time I was. I was visiting to sit zazen with people and talk about Buddhism and Zen. And I heard somebody else was visiting and he said that the solution to the problems of the world were very simple. And he had the answer. He had founded an organization to teach people. And the solution to the problems of the world was for everyone to eat food for pure enjoyment. And that not to eat because it was nutritional or sustaining or nourishing or good for you. But just to enjoy eating.

[23:19]

And that this practice would solve many problems. I thought that was pretty good. I don't know how they actually go about this. I heard that they had a little workshop where they... Sort of like sensory awareness where they each had an Oreo cookie. And proceeded to practice enjoying an Oreo cookie. I don't know if that's true. People tell these stories. You should see those things they do up at Tassajara. They hit each other with sticks. The first summer I was here and when Bhavananda Beg still owned Tassajara, my friend Alan and I sat zazen. We used to sit zazen in cabin 3B.

[24:22]

And in cabin 2D right across the way was the woman who was in charge of the office. Who had trouble going to sleep at night. And around 6.30 in the morning we had a little mokugyo. A little drum for chanting. It wasn't very big. And then we had a little stick to hit it with. Bap, bap, [...] bap. And we'd start chanting the Heart Sutra. And she sometimes was disturbed. But the gardener here used to go around telling people in the morning they hit each other with wet newspapers. Wap, wap, wap, wap. She told everybody. So I don't know really what this group practiced.

[25:26]

But wild stories get spread around. But I thought that was a very good idea. But you see, to eat just for enjoyment. And the problem that we have, and this is kind of the other side of why not just be happy maybe. But I don't think this is contradictory to being happy. Anyway, the difficulty is to be very thorough going about that practice. And to do it in some all pervading, aware, mindful, continuous fashion. So that you would notice when it was no longer enjoyable to be eating. And you would stop. Because it was no longer enjoyable. That it was more enjoyable to stop eating than it was to go on eating.

[26:28]

And that seems to be the kind of problem we have. To be aware in that way. But it would be so much easier to be aware in that way if you're happy. Because if we're unhappy, then we have the idea that it's making us happy to eat the food we're eating. And to have some enjoyable time eating. And then we continue to eat because we're making ourselves feel better. And we're convinced that we're feeling better because we're enjoying ourselves eating. Then we just keep doing it. Thinking that it's still working. Way past the point where it actually is enjoyable. It's like we've made ourselves feel so miserable and so unhappy.

[27:51]

That when at last the chance comes to get some food that's really tasty and enjoyable. Then we just devour it. Because we're so deprived. And we're so happy. But when we've been more buoyant and happy all along, we don't do that. Then we can enjoy our food and we can enjoy eating. And we can enjoy stopping eating. And we can enjoy having a cup of coffee and going for a walk. And taking a nap. And working.

[28:52]

And talking to our friends. Washing our clothes. And we don't need to look for particular events to provide some enjoyment or happiness. And each thing that makes us happy, we throw it down and look at it then. Well, it's wonderful to sit here with you, I find.

[30:43]

Would you like to talk about something? Or shall we call it an evening and rest? Is there something you'd like to talk more about? Yes. One morning, just after the ceremony, the full moon ceremony, the next day I came to the Zen dojo and all of a sudden all of my twisted, ancient karma just took default. And what did you do? I had a previous experience like that where I was experiencing a previous life where I was a very cold person and I remember I asked for help from the medicine man who was there and he said, Nurit, just feel it.

[31:46]

That's the only way you can burn this karma. Just be with it and feel it. So I tried to follow that. But I can't say that I was happy. I can say that I felt a lot of pain and it was just inevitable. It's just inevitable? Yes. I think that's right. What's the trouble with giving anyone advice? Yes, I think at that time you can breathe a breath, as you say, just to feel it, to

[32:49]

be with it. That's quite good, rather than doing so many more painful things to avoid it. And we can become in that way quite intimate and comfortable with who we are. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[34:19]

Thank you very much. Thank you.

[34:51]

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