Is there anything that you'd like to talk about? Yes? Yes, this morning in your lecture, you mentioned sticks and stones don't hurt my bones, but knives will never hurt me, whatever way. I heard this, and I grew up with this, and I didn't let it pass through you, you were saying, let it pass through you, and I was wondering if you could elaborate on that, the fact of letting it pass through you. of letting it or not letting it. Well, I mean, how do you do that? How do you let it pass? Well, that's a good, really, that's a hard question to answer. Well, I think we have to keep, you know, continually asking ourselves, who is this? Who is this person?

[01:09]

And this kind of investigation of who is this will lead us to not only understanding ourselves, but understanding others as well. And when we understand the other side of ourselves, which is someone out there, then our understanding will help us to let things pass. When we don't understand, then by not understanding I mean we see that person over there as other than myself.

[02:14]

This is called discrimination. Discriminating is to see the object as something other than the subject. That's what discrimination is about. So when we investigate who am I, who is this person, we come to a place where we realize that everything is myself. I don't exist independently, actually. But we think I exist independently. But we don't. We are dependent beings. And my existence right now is dependent on your existence. Not that I can't live without you, but because you're there and I'm here, that relationship is a dependent relationship.

[03:24]

My seeing you is dependent on having an I and having awareness, which is called consciousness, and the fact that you're there as the object. But it's only my I and my consciousness which is dividing the fact that you're an object and I'm myself. were actually, as human beings, various expressions of our total self. So one part of myself is doing this, one part of myself is doing that, and one part of myself is doing this. So, when we really, truly investigate ourselves down to the bottom, we realize that as an independent person, none of us has existence as an independent person.

[04:41]

We're all dependent on the universe and on each other for our existence. So, when someone insults us, we react because our sense of individuality is insulted or hurt and then we react in some way. Someone throws a stick, I throw a stick back at myself. Someone throws a stick at me and I throw a stick back at myself. You understand? So, this is reacting. Response is when I understand who I am and who you are. Then I know that just because you throw the stick doesn't mean that I have to react.

[05:45]

I can respond knowing who you are and who I am and then I'm coming from the place where I want to be. Otherwise, if I react, I'm linking up with you as an aggressor, and I'm caught, and I don't have any more freedom. This is what's happening in the world. Everybody, people are throwing sticks at each other, and then they're throwing the sticks back, and it's a co-conspiracy. So in order to let something go, it's very difficult. Because it takes a lot of understanding. It means you have to let go of your ego. It means you have to let go of... Even though you're hurt, you can let it go. Which is very hard. Even though I'm hurt, I can let it go. So, what we have to be able to do is cultivate a mind of letting go.

[06:54]

Or a mind which is constantly letting go of everything. in order to be able to stand out in an empty bowl, so to speak. And that takes cultivation. I mean, it takes, you know, continual practice of that. So that when something does happen, you don't react in a different way. You react from where you actually are. And you don't just react in a reactive way. You respond. to a situation after giving it some thought and after stepping back. So much of our pain comes from reacting to situations. So I always talk about this example of the dog and the lion. It's an old Buddhist example. When you shake a stick at a dog,

[07:56]

the dog will start getting very agitated and go for the stick. And then you can lead the dog around with the stick wherever you want. And you're in control of the dog because the dog is reacting to the stick. Whereas if you have, in the case of the lion, when you shake a stick at the lion, And the lion doesn't pay any attention to the stick. So we have to cultivate our lion nature, not our dog nature. Although, I have nothing against dogs. Yes? I don't know how to relate it, but there's something that I'm not letting go of. This morning, there was a lot of coming in late in the meditation.

[08:59]

Yes. And I find myself not being able to let go of it. I cannot let go of it, and yet my response then is not hanging on to it in a way of, oh, I'm going to stay here and I'm going to make a change. My feeling is, I don't want to come anymore. I travel for an hour to get here, and it's like, my meditation is better at home. Or I'll come later and not go to the meditation. And that also, I mean, it's neurotic. I feel the neurosis just. And that's a different kind of letting go, I think. It's a good point. It's really a good point because, ideally, we want everybody to be on time. Get in the zindo. In certain places, like Tassajara, if you're late, you wait. And then everybody comes in at the same time, or else you stay out of the zindo at a certain point.

[10:06]

And so we kind of like a nice ideal place to be quiet and people are not coming and going. The fact of the matter is, the best zazen is done in the middle of the city, where all the traffic is going by, and people are yelling on the streets, because this helps you to keep a calm mind in the face of adversity. That was another thing that occurred to me. It's easier for me in a noisy place to meditate because I'm expecting it to be noisy and that's the way it's going to be. And so, okay, I go with it. When I expect silence, then I get Velcro and nylon and paint and I go crazy inside. Modern life is really... Modern life is really... you know, nylon and Velcro.

[11:09]

Nylon and Velcro in Zando is the worst. Mel is also very fond of electronic watches. But it's great to go to the country where there's not much... there are only noises in your head. But... But actually, the best place to practice is in the midst of the marketplace, in the midst of the coming and going and noise and all. And just, when you come, I would encourage you to not stop coming for that reason. And make it a practice to just see how you can let that go through. Just let it appear and let it go through. You know, let it pass. Just let everything pass through. And in order for you to find your stillness within yourself and not within your surroundings.

[12:15]

Because if you're always trying to, we're always trying to calm down our surroundings, you know. Put out the fires and calm the waters around us. But you can't do it. As soon as you start calming them down over here, then they start coming up over here. And then you turn it on the counter and it comes up over here. So there's no way that you're going to keep the world quiet. So we have to find the quietness within ourselves by letting everything come and go. But at the same time, maybe we can do something about so much coming and going. I guess I'm still thinking that her reaction is a perfect example of defensive ego that we have. Because I know what you're feeling, not in this situation, but in other ones. And I think it's because of this, you know, you expect, you think that other people should have certain kinds of considerations.

[13:20]

And actually they should, is what you're saying? Yeah, actually they should. But they don't, and that's the world, that's the way it is. And so in that, I guess I've been more, I think, I guess the question that I would have is, how do you know how much? Because I think there's something I read in Buddhism a while back that there's a certain amount of ego that it's critical to actually have to survive. Yeah, that's why I said we shouldn't try to get rid of our ego, but to transform it into personality, true personality. which you need to survive. You don't need the ego. You need the true personality, which is the transformation of the ego. Right. Which would be, well, can we use her example? Because I think her example is really pretty, it could cross over into so many areas.

[14:21]

So in the true personality, you wouldn't, you would hear those people coming and going, but they wouldn't make you react. Your reaction was kind of violent. What I've gotten from what he said is, yes, that isn't the way it maybe would be ideally, but this is the way it is. And to see if I can find the still in myself in spite of the turbulence on the outside, because it's a rather small turbulence. It can make you put it in perspective. Considering all the turbulence there is, that's very small. So we're always dealing with the ideal and the actual. And we need both. We need to have our idea, you know, which is the way we want something to go. But then the actuality is that it doesn't go that way.

[15:26]

So we have to go along with the way it goes without losing the ideal and without being disappointed. If everything just goes, we still can practice. There's no place in the world you can't practice. So although we have an ideal about how we train and how we practice and how we do all this stuff, everything can just go. but we could still practice. This is what, say, in China, the Zen school became very strong due to the persecutions in China. Because during the Tang Dynasty, the emperors, from time to time, would persecute the Buddhists, and then sometimes they'd persecute the Daoists, and sometimes they'd persecute the Confucians. And there were all these intrigues at court, When someone would be in power, like the Confucianists or the Taoists would have that emperor's ear, then they would say, oh, those Buddhists, you know, and then the emperor would go out and persecute them and turn everybody out into the street.

[16:38]

But the Zen monks went in the mountains to practice. They didn't need the elaborate monasteries and courtiers, you know, they didn't have anything to do with the universe. So, they survived very well, and adversity actually helped them. So, actually, Zen practice is usually associated with adversity, which makes it strong. Well, it's what I was talking about when I was talking about ego being transformed. Remember, I was talking about the eight levels of consciousness, and that the seventh level of consciousness, it's true

[17:49]

Its task is to take messages between discriminating consciousness and the storehouse consciousness. And it's a kind of messenger. But what happens is that it loses its way and thinks of itself as independent because it has so much information. And due to the fact it has so much information, it thinks of itself as the boss. And so this is like the perversion of our true personality. True personality becomes perverted because we don't have a true personality. It's not an entity, it's not a thing, you know. But it's like when we allow universal nature to express itself rather than our opinions to run us and our fears and anxieties and then

[19:15]

True personality is just the universe flowing freely, without any hindrance. And it's expressing itself as this person. So baby has true personality, you know, because it hasn't developed an ego yet. So when we allow the ego to turn, to just drop the fears and anxieties and opinions and partiality that run the person, then true personality is always there. It's just what, you know, underneath the crust, you know, remove the barrier of ego. True personality is just what comes up.

[20:19]

You may find that it's worse than it was before. But probably not. Even though it's worse, it's okay. I had a dream many years ago, at the end of which I met an enlightened being who held out his hand to me. And at that time I realized that I had the same robe as his, but mine was too big for me. And when I tried to shake hands and express my gratefulness and love for him, I couldn't really because he was this sleeve. And I was very frustrated. And I was reminded of that because I greeted you this morning.

[21:22]

And it was sort of this plea. I had never connected this plea with my personality, with false personality. Now, at the end of that dream, which I've never had anything like that, had never had it before since, I woke up and I was enlightened. So it didn't matter whether I was frustrated or not. But of course that was a dream. And it just doesn't happen now. So there is this sleeve all the time. Covering. Some kind of covering. Yeah. That's right. Underneath the sleeve is enlightenment. The dream is not false. It's telling you something, revealing something. Underneath the sleeve is enlightenment.

[22:24]

You can't get enlightenment. You can only reveal it. Of course, I have a big question about that. What's it like? Oh, the Rome thing. Well, in what sense do you mean that? Well, Purification, you know, confession is purification. And honesty is purification.

[23:30]

And just being able to say something, to recognize, reality. It's purification. So our role in purification is to open a doorway, to reveal actuality. But the impure is also pure. So there's a kind of problem with purity. And the problem of purity is that we try to separate the pure from the impure. And this is the problem of duality because the impure is just an expression of purity.

[24:37]

But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't look for purity, but it's always a mixed bag. Absolute purity is unattainable because water is always mixed with something else. Our pure life is always mixed with impure life. It's not that we have to separate the pure from the impure, but we have to be able to recognize what's pure within the impure. So, to always be aware of reality is to be able to see the pure within the impure. So, otherwise you can't live your life. The more you try to purify your life, the more rarefied it gets.

[25:42]

Until you're sitting, you know, up in a mountaintop someplace, And everything around you is impure. And there's no end to that. There's no end to trying to find purity. So... You know, that's why we have to be doing a bad thing all the time. Not just in the zendo. But doing zazen all the time means that we manifest purity in all of our activity. Activity is called impurity, just as a blanket. Activity is a blanket of... Worldliness is a blanket of impurity over purity.

[26:45]

So there's no way out of it. No way out of the impurity of life, because everything is an impurity. But it's just purity being impure. So you can't escape from impurity. You can only live your life of purity within the impure life. And that's called Every moment, every moment's activity is very special. And there are certain rules about life, that where you live life in accordance with purity, where you live your impure life in accordance with purity, there are certain rules that allow you to live in the impure life according to the rules of purity. But you don't separate them.

[27:51]

You realize you went, you know, everything, every impure thing is pure life. So we appreciate everything. This is actually how we practice Zen practice all the time, is to appreciate everything that happens to us. Whether it's good or bad, we like it or don't like it. It doesn't matter. What does matter is how we appreciate everything, without partiality. This is non-dualistic life. Dualistic life is breaking things up into purity and impurity. That's discrimination. Even though some things are more pure than others, Basically, everything is an expression of purity.

[28:58]

So, certain things we don't want and do want, and we make efforts to go a certain way, but nevertheless, ideally, we want things to go a certain way, but actually, they don't go that way. We have to appreciate actuality. The cars, people coming and going. It's impurity coming into our pure space. Don't let it bother you. Can't that get rather slippery though? It's very slippery. It's very slippery, but it's not as slippery as not doing that. And I'm trying to think of this in context of what you're speaking about. Well, there are levels of awakening.

[30:29]

But, you know, Zazen, what Zazen is, as an example, is waking up. That's all it is. You sit in this position and make an effort to stay awake. When you begin to sit Zazen, you have a lot of pain in your legs, and just getting the position and working with your mind, and it's easier to stay awake. But when you get used to Zazen, and get some confidence, and sit more easily, then your mind starts to drift, and you fall asleep, and you wake up. And then thoughts come into your mind and consciousness gets carried away by the thought. And then you realize, oh, and then you let go and wake up, come back.

[31:33]

And this coming back is called waking up to just this. So we're continually letting go and waking up. That's all it is. waking up and drifting off, waking up. It's almost impossible to stay awake all the time, either in your zazen or your daily life. Is this about just washing the bowl or just walking? Just washing the bowl, that's waking up. Just walking is waking up to just walking. So what we do is we have some place to go and we forget all about just walking. And then, but you can do both. You can have a place to go, and while you're going, you can think about just walking. Just this step, and [...] this breath.

[32:34]

But usually our mind is full of the next thing, you know. We're speculating, and then thinking ahead, and thinking back, and, you know, because Our life is cerebral, very cerebral. It's full of thoughts and ideas. It's just like when you sit zazen, you know, the mind just continually churning up stuff. And even if it doesn't have an object, it will substitute, you know, what you're doing for something interesting. And on a level, on a certain level, that's good, you know. I mean, that's creativity. The mind is continually creating something. But, you know, what is it creating? I don't want to judge what it's creating. It creates various things. But, it's ignoring what's actually happening. Which looks like nothing special.

[33:38]

I mean, why is it just sitting down still? more special than wonderful thoughts, wonderful imagination, you know? Why should that take precedence? Why should just sitting still without any thoughts take precedence over wonderful imagination, glorious thoughts, you know? Yet, reality is right there in just sitting. in just being involved in what's happening on this moment. Not ideally, but actually. And that's the thing that we don't... that's hardest for us to see reality in front of us, under our feet. It's so obvious, but it's so boring. when you compare it to imagination.

[34:42]

Not that imagination is bad or wrong, but if you want to see reality with your bare eyes, then you have to drop everything and just be, be completely, totally in the moment, in this moment, without any partiality or discrimination. and let everything be as it is, and be that with it. It's not interesting. Well, it's good to have a resolve, you know, or called resolution, some resolve.

[35:58]

But it's good to resolve to do something manageable. That's what I would say. Do something small so that you can have a big success. Usually, you know, and then, you know, two days later, you know, at the end of the year, what's that resolution? So something manageable, something small, and have a big success. and then that big success will make you feel confident and then you can choose something else which you can have a big success and that will give you even more confidence and then you have some confidence and you can maybe choose something bigger to deal with but if you try to take on

[37:05]

the tigers of your desire, they usually end up devouring you. So, that's my advice. Because knowing myself, you know, I can only speak for myself. I can't speak beyond that, right? So, when I make a resolution, say for New Year's, I pick out something really small. that I think I can manage. A lot of times lately, because I've been doing a lot of work with the hospice, it's really easy for me to relate that concept.

[38:35]

And yesterday, at least all the people I've been working with are dying, obviously. And when there's no more of the stuff on the outside, when all they have is right now, It's a really clear way for me to see that. And yesterday, sitting with a guy that's dying, he had never shed any of his feelings. A lot of times in the hospice, people will have a lot of their feelings, but a lot of times, they go to death with none at all. This particular man was very close to dying, he didn't make it. And yesterday, he can't communicate very much anymore. And he physically has no control over his body anymore. But he had his first tears laying in bed yesterday. And as we were talking, I was thinking that, you know, just that small little reality of his right there is what

[39:39]

I see that a lot with people that are dying, when we finally have no more of this stuff out there. And all we have is this reality. And how the appreciation, and how the purification, and how all of these concepts are real, clear, and very present. So I appreciate him having brought that up, because I was able to take his tears and make them a part of it. Well, there comes a certain point where we can't keep the lid on anymore. When people get older, you know, they get, they usually start saying everything that they want to say. That they didn't say. It's funny, though, the past was saying a lot. Yeah, that's right. I mean, a lot of men no more past 35.

[41:00]

And also, there's less and less to defend. So when we think about hospice work, you know, and how you relate to someone who's dying, you know, you can have lots of ideas and concepts, but They kind of go by the way also. And I think just to help someone to be unburdened and open, to be open to each moment, moment by moment by moment, is about as much as you can do. Because what happens on this moment, determines what happens on the next moment.

[42:16]

And so you can't straighten out the future. You can only deal with the present. And the present will determine what happens in the future. So it's really important to just keep taking care of this moment, because everything in the future hinges on this moment. And it's possible to change. This is what's important. Life is, according to Buddhism, life is not fate. There's no predetermination to anyone's life. At any moment we have the opportunity to change the direction of our life and the karma of our life. So, everything hinges on this moment. There is no future out there.

[43:20]

We're making the future right now. So, if we do our best on this moment, that's all we can hope for. But we have to have some trust in that. To me, this is what faith is. that if I do my best on this moment, that it will take care of whatever the future holds. So there's really nothing to worry about, except taking care of this moment. has to do with precisely that the personality is so strong and healthy.

[44:28]

My personality. And so quick and used to trying to be in control or thinking that it is in control, but it really isn't. But well, it keeps trying. And that's desire to be in tune with what is. But like a lead, the personality is right there. I hope it doesn't have to come to a point where I get really sick like somebody in the hospital. That's right. Well, I think that this is what practice is.

[45:31]

Practice is being in the hospice before you get to the hospice. That's right. It's learning how to be dead before you die. Exactly what practice is. One of the most famous koans is, does the man who dies the great death come back to life again? So this great death is very important in Zen. How to die and still be alive. How does one die? That's the koan, actually. What dies? What dies? Who dies? What dies? This koan will bring you, if you stay with it, will bring you to reality.

[46:38]

Because even though we say, I am alive, that's just a kind of optimistic You know, emotion. You can just as easily say, I am not alive. Because life itself is life and death. It's not just one side. Every moment is life and every moment is death. See, inhale. inspiration. You exhale, and that's expiration. Life and death on each breath. I mean, it's quite a fact. But while this process is going on, we say, I am alive. Open the window. Open the window.

[47:41]

Birth and death are just two sides of the same coin. In Buddhism, saying, I am alive, is called

[48:15]

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