I kind of promised this morning that I'd tell you a myth which is kind of applicable to what I was suggesting. And the myth is called the myth of Amor and Psyche, or Cupid and Psyche. Amor is Cupid, so Cupid and Psyche, or Amor and Psyche. So I'm going to tell the story, which is not accurate, but at a certain point I'm going to ask Charlie to look at the story and say what it said, because a certain key part I can't remember very clearly. So here's the story. The story is that there was a very beautiful being who is often imagined to be a female, a young girl.

[01:05]

And her name was Psyche, the mind. And she was so beautiful that most men were afraid of her. They couldn't imagine that they could have a relationship with such a beautiful creature. And many of them basically worshipped her, even though they didn't dare to have a normal relationship with her. They did worship her. And so many of them worshipped her that they stopped going to the temples of Aphrodite, the goddess of crazy love.

[02:06]

Or, you know, the goddess of divine madness. So Aphrodite's temples were going into ruin, and Aphrodite got upset with this young Psyche. Simultaneously, her father was getting upset with her too, because he wanted to marry her off to some young man and have grandchildren. But no way. So two forces coming together. One is Aphrodite is getting upset with her and sends her son, basically, to give her a really hard time. And the way I remember it is she sent her son to kill her. And simultaneously, her father takes her away and puts her on a cliff to be devoured.

[03:13]

So, yeah, so there it is. She's in big trouble. So she's out on this cliff, really scared, abandoned by her father, not knowing, actually, that Aphrodite sent an assassin to get her. And so the assassin comes, the assassin whose name is Love. And when he sees her, he falls in love with her instead of killing her. Pardon? Cupid, yeah. Cupid's coming to kill her. But when he sees her, instead of killing her, he falls in love with her. And then he starts to figure, is there some way I can, like, you know, my mom told me to kill her, and I better do what she said. So what he does is he constructs this idea of taking her to, you know, one of his divine palaces and keeping her there so they can hang out together.

[04:29]

And she's pretty happy with this situation. But the thing about it is he only comes to see her in the night. So he comes to kill her, and he doesn't come up and say, hello, I'm supposed to kill you, but I'm falling in love with you, and I'm not going to kill you. He doesn't do it that way. He comes and sees her, falls in love with her, and then plans to come back again in the night. And he comes back in the night and takes her to his divine abode of no abode. And they're very happy there. Only problem is she doesn't know what love is. And love tells her, I'm sorry, and she kind of says, would you please tell me who you are or what you are? Would you please show yourself?

[05:39]

I mean, I love hanging out with you. It's really great. And when the sun comes out, I like the palace you've given to me and the divine food. It's great. But I'd like to know who you are. I'd like to be able to see you with my eyes. And he says, no, you can't see me. You can't see me. If you see me, you will lose me. So that's directly related to the story. If we try to see this love, we lose it. And he says, if you turn the lights on and see me, you will lose me. So she goes along with that, but then somehow during the day when she's hanging out in this very nice palace that he's provided for her, somehow she sends word to her sisters to come and visit. And they come to visit and they say, this is a great place, but what about, where's your boyfriend?

[06:43]

Where's your lover? Where's your husband? She said, well, he's not around. He only comes at night. And they say, well, yeah, well, you don't know anything about him, right? She says, well, I know a little bit about him. I know I'm happy with him, but I don't know what he looks like and I don't know what he does during the day for a living. And the sisters say, well, he might be, you know, a gangster. He might be a serial killer. Who knows what? You don't know. Maybe he's just fattening you up for the kill. And then she becomes foolish. And again, there's no option on this foolishness. You have to fall for this. I want to know who he is. I mean, I love him. He's great. But also, I'd like to know who he is, because it might be helpful to know who he is. Then I can grasp him with my eyes, too.

[07:55]

Anyway, he comes to see her in the night and she's got this plan of taking an oil lamp and lighting it and bringing it to see who he is. And she brings the lamp over to him and the lamp illuminates his body and face and she is like starstruck with how beautiful love is and how she can see it. But she accidentally spills some oil on him and he wakes up and says, I told you not to put light on me. Now I got to leave. So he flies away. And she grabs onto his leg, but he's a good flyer. And she can't hold him and he flies away and she loses him. Just like we lose our true home by making it something that fits into our conscious perceptions.

[09:02]

The difference is that he flew away. It would be a similar thing if he flew away, but actually he came and stood behind her all the time and she couldn't see him. Because our true home doesn't fly away. We kind of make it fly away and we fly away from it by preferring to know it rather than... Well, preferring to... We actually want it and know it. We want our cake and eat it, too. But he told her that if she knew him, if she saw him, she would lose him and she did. And now here comes the part where I'm not sure what happens, but as I remember it, she's going to have a conversation with Cupid's mom. Did you find that part? Would you read that to us? Venus. Aphrodite is Greek and Venus is Roman. Cupid is Roman and Amor is Greek.

[10:07]

So is there a parallel version of this myth in both traditions? I think it's the same one. Okay. So... There's probably many versions of this, right? Because it's an oral tradition. So Psyche disobeys his orders not to attempt to look at him and in doing so she loses him. In her search for him, she undertakes a series of cruel and difficult tasks set by Venus in the hope of winning him back. Cupid can eventually no longer bear to witness her suffering. So there's a part in there where somehow she has some kind of conversation with Venus-Aphrodite where she said, you know... First of all, he didn't follow your instructions. He didn't kill me. And she's pissed off about that. This is an abbreviated version of what I... She's really angry that he didn't do it because he told her that he did.

[11:09]

He said, I killed her. She's like mincemeat. You know, I got rid of her. She's gone. No more problems, mom. But he didn't. When he hit her, his mom couldn't see her. Now the word's out. His mom knows, but she doesn't kill him. And somehow she accepts that he didn't do his job. And somehow Aphrodite gets to have a conversation with her, but not with him. And somehow Aphrodite feels some compassion for her and says, OK. Kind of like Rumble Stillskin. You know Rumble Stillskin? OK. OK. You want to get back together with him? OK. Well, I have some things for you to do. The training. The training. Hard training. So there's three things I remember. One is to go and collect.

[12:10]

So to go and collect the fleece, the golden fleece from rams. That's one. Another one is to sort out, I think, sand and mustard seeds, or I think. Do you want to read the three tasks? They're not in here, but I can look them up. OK. So one task. Yeah, please look them up. One task is go and collect the fleece off the rams. I think it's golden fleece. I'm not sure. So she goes. She goes to do it. But on her way to the pasture, the budding field. The death trap of where these rams are. She goes through some swampy area where there's reeds. And the reeds whisper to this fool.

[13:12]

This foolish girl who abandoned her love for the sake of grasping it. And they say, don't go to the rams at noon. Go at sunset. Don't go at night either. Go at sunset. At sunset, they're more docile. And even then, don't go up to the rams and try to directly get the fleece from them. Collect it from the brambles around the edge. Point. She does not perform this amazing deed by herself. She does not train by herself. She got assigned the job, but she got some instruction from the reeds. Who take, who have compassion for her silly girl trying to get a hold of love. But you still want to reunite. We'll help you.

[14:14]

So Venus is kind of tough. She says, she just tells you to go get it. We'll tell you how. So with the help of the reeds, she collects the golden fleece. Next task, I think, is to separate sand from something like mustard seeds. And again, as she's approaching that job, or as she starts the job, I think she realizes it's impossible and maybe faints. And in her faint, ants come. And millions and millions of ants come and help her. And they separate into two piles. And the third one is, did you find it? For Psyche's third task, she is given a crystal vessel in which to collect the black water spewed by the source of the river's sticks and crocodiles. So she had to go down into hell, into the land of the dead,

[15:19]

and collect, what? The black water from the source of the rivers. Yeah, so she had to go down to the river's sticks and the other river and collect this black water. And another little twist in the foolishness is as she's bringing back the conclusion of her third job, she can't help but look into the mirror or something. She can't help. What is she? She has to collect it and not look. Huh? She's supposed to collect it and not look at something. And she can't help but look. I think it's maybe not look at her own picture or something. She can't help it and she foolishly looks and blows it. However, she again gets forgiven. I don't know how that happens.

[16:23]

But anyway, there's these trainings that she has to go through and she cannot do them by herself. And in the end, she gets reunited. And they have a baby. And their baby's name is Joy. That's my memory of the story. And that's our story too. We are on the same path of reunion with our original home and we have lots of training to do and we're going to be foolish along the way. But we're going to confess and repent. And when we confess and repent, the Dharma wheel will turn. And then we're going to slip again and confess and repent. And the Dharma wheel will turn. And we will come into union of our mind which knows

[17:28]

and our mind which lets go of that knowing and realize another knowing. Those two are inseparable. So that's one story about it. Another story, which is maybe more complicated, is the story of the Wizard of Oz. Basically, pretty much the same story. Dorothy's in bed or something and turbulent things happen and she gets knocked on the head. And in her dreams, she loses her home and goes to this really scary place. But she gets reunited. Basically back home. Pardon? She gets help. And she gets lots of help. She couldn't get home until she was able to perform the task.

[18:34]

She had to get the broom from the Wicked Witch. She goes through the whole thing. Keep in mind that when she comes back, it's Toto who pulls the curtain away and exposes the Wizard who was on his own path. And he becomes more human. So the Wizard of Oz is another version of this. Without all the... You know, another version of it. Let's just put it that way. Because everybody's life is another version of this. We're all on the same path. And each one different. But this is the path we're on. And we're so fortunate. And, you know, some scary stuff's going to happen between now and forever. We're going to have some tough times and every tough time is another opportunity for training.

[19:39]

And if we don't accept it as training, that's a mistake. And we'll notice that. And then we'll confess, Oh, I actually thought that this person was not an opportunity for training. Or I thought this person was an exception to compassion. Or I thought this feeling was an exception to compassion. I thought my own foolishness was an exception. Just like these stories. Everybody thinks it's an exception. But it turns out we're all going to do that quite a few times. We've done it already. And we have confessed it already. And we've felt sorry already. And we've tried again and again. And we're going to keep on this until everybody keeps on this. And that's the path that we're on. According to various lives.

[20:44]

Each of our life is the story of this. So Chapter 3 will be about the beginning of the training. The great happiness of being able to shovel shit. Yes? So each of our lives is a version of this story. But it seems, at least I haven't seen the end yet, but it seems like different people's stories end differently. Cupid doesn't always find Psyche. They don't always successfully plead their case to the gods and get reunited. You know, like... But the way... It sounds like, on the one hand, it's all the same story, but it seems like in everyday life,

[21:46]

like maybe they seem different. So what's up with that? What's up with the differences? Yeah, it feels like... It doesn't feel so storybook in day-to-day life. It feels like things don't always go according to plan like that. Well, but things didn't go according to plan for Amor. And they didn't go according to plan for Psyche. And they didn't go according to plan for Dorothy. They didn't go according to plan. So not... The way the path goes is that sometimes it goes according to plan and sometimes it doesn't. But when it doesn't go according to plan, that's the way the path goes. And some people do not want to walk this path. They do not want to do it. That's the way they do it. And some people do want to walk the path.

[22:48]

And they do want to, but they don't. And that's the way they do. And some people do want to and do. And there's kind of like happy campers. But that's just a temporary provisional situation. Because although things are going according to plan... Something's rotten in Denmark. Dash. I'm yearning for something and I don't know what it is. And actually, I did a whole bunch of stuff. And I was actually... It went according to plan. But somehow this isn't what I'm looking for. Like, I often tell the story about me. That I... To make a long story short, I felt like things were kind of going according to plan.

[23:49]

Even though I had quite a bit of hardship, I also had the, what do you call it, the blessing of being up for hardship. Like I had polio when I was a little boy. But I had a lot of support when I had polio. The doctors and nurses were kind to me. And my parents were kind to me. And after I got out of the hospital, after the inflammation went away, I had to do physical therapy for a long time. And my mother helped me. And it was painful for a little guy, two-year-olds. But I did it. Because I felt loved and supported so I could do this hard thing. And I had other hardships after that. But things were kind of going according to plan. More or less. I had some frustrations and some disappointments. But basically I felt like things are going according to plan. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

[24:50]

But I'll just go to school for a little longer, which is fine, until I find out. And then I went through college and I got into graduate school. And I was, yeah. Graduate school was kind of going according to plan. Like I planned that I'd go to graduate school and take classes and talk to brilliant professors. And I didn't plan to get good grades, but by accident I did. Which seems fine. I didn't plan to get bad grades either. I planned to go to classes and they went quite well. And then I had this little vision of, well, if I keep going like this, I'll probably get a PhD. Maybe. And then if I get a PhD, maybe I'll be an assistant professor. Maybe I'll be a teaching assistant first and then I'll be an assistant professor. And then I'll be an associate professor, maybe. And then I'll be a full professor, maybe.

[25:52]

And then I'll be chairman of the department, maybe. And then I'll be professor emeritus, maybe. And that all seems like a nice plan. You know, with all these beautiful, intelligent young people and brilliant colleagues and ivy-covered halls. It looked like a pretty nice thing to me. And then I said, oh, and then I'll die. And I said, wait a minute. Something's missing here. What's missing? And then I saw it. I saw these Zen people. They were missing. What's missing is integrating our original home with our daily life. That's what was missing. And the way they integrated it, I thought that's, that way of being is what's missing in this program. They do not teach you in graduate school

[26:55]

or even when you're a professor, you do not learn how to relate to people compassionately no matter what happens. They don't teach you that. But that's what I wanted to learn. I could see that's what I wanted to learn. But how could that happen? It's totally wonderful, but it didn't seem like far-fetched somehow. What they did wasn't far-fetched. It was like opening your hand rather than keeping it closed. We can do that, but sometimes it's hard to open your hand when somebody says, Open your hand! Or give me what's inside. Sometimes we go, No, I don't want to. How can we do that? These people could. And then somehow the message got to me. The Reeds, the Reeds told me, Oh, they have a training program.

[27:57]

They didn't get there just by good luck. They went through a training process so that they could open up to insult and praise the same. And then I found out what the training program was, and it wasn't that bad. But then I also didn't understand that the training program is not something you do by yourself. I tried to do it by myself, and I couldn't be very rigorous about it. So then another little message came to me, which was, you have to practice it with other people in order to be rigorous. You can't do it by your own power. So then I thought, another message came. Well, maybe if you were someplace where people were into helping people do the training,

[28:57]

you would be able to do it. And also maybe if a teacher would be helpful. And then I heard about San Francisco Zen Center and so on. And I went there, and there were people there to help me. I arrived, and I walked into the Zen Dojo, and they all stood up and said, We've been waiting for you to help you. Thanks for coming. No, they didn't say that. They were just sitting there. And I sat with them, and they did help me, and I helped them. And they've been helping me for 52 years, and I've been helping them for 52 years. Yesterday was the 49th anniversary of becoming a priest. So for 52 years, at the beginning I was only concerned about them helping me, and they did. It didn't occur to me, Hey, I'll go to San Francisco and help them. After a few decades though, I realized,

[29:58]

Oh, maybe I'm helping them too. They started saying to me, Thanks for helping us. Oh yeah, you're right. You've been helping me. I probably was helping you too. So through this training, I've been waking up to my true home, which is that you're here helping me, and I'm here helping you. And everybody's here helping you, and you're here helping everybody. By doing this training together, we wake up to what we have been yearning for all along, as things go according to plan or not. But in my case, things were kind of going on plan, and it got close enough, you know, I didn't finish my PhD, but I got close enough to see that if I would get that, take that next step, if I was, if these next steps worked out, it still wouldn't be what I'm looking for. So I was fortunate.

[30:59]

I didn't have to wait until I retired from being a college professor before I started practicing. And the other thing was, I saw that my college professors who were so brilliant, I didn't think that they were going to help me do the training, even though they're wonderful people. And I was wrong. They were helping me do the training. I just couldn't see it then. They were supporting me, too, to walk away from the university and walk into Zen, well, actually, drive into Zen Center in my hearse and get out and just stay at Zen Center for now, 52 years, and as we say, counting. We're all on this path, and it includes things going the way according to plan and not going according to plan and not wanting things to go the way they're going

[32:00]

and wanting things the way they're going and not caring about the way they're going, whatever, we're on this path together. And we can't do it alone, and the other people can't do it without us. So even though it's hard, they need us to hang in there. You're not doing this just for yourself. If you are, you're quit. It's too hard to do just for yourself, but it's not too hard to do for everybody, and everybody's helping you do this for all of them. That's the path we're actually on regardless of what we think. We have no alternative because this is our actual original home. We can only put up apparent obstacles, which are not really obstacles. They're opportunities to verify this original thing. At least that's what the book's about.

[33:00]

And then I hope to, in the training phase, to put a whole bunch of Zen stories in there, which are basically, there's two phases of Zen stories. One phase is shit shoveling stories, and the next phase is stories of when you get enough confidence to be the manager of the shit shovelers, and then you get to go up into the house with your parents, who at first you were afraid to be anywhere in the neighborhood of, and then finally realize that you've always been home, but we have to go through this. And we are, right? We sometimes think this is a shit pit. Like, we sometimes think things have never been worse. No argument. Nobody's arguing with you about that. It's just that, oh, this is the place to train. And that, that's the hard part. Shall we just let the silence

[34:28]

guide us?

[34:30]

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