Good morning. On Sundays, we usually study Shobo Genzo, the monkey, of Dogen Zenji's Not because today is my teacher, Kosho Uchiyama Roshi's memorial day, so I'd like to talk about my teacher. Well, Uchiyama Ross died March 13, 1998, so exactly seven years ago. At that time, I lived in Los Angeles. but i went i visited portland oregon to read a weekend session and then i went back to los angeles i found a message on my message machine and that was from a friend of mine and he said

[01:30]

And when I called the friend back, he said that his funeral was over. So unfortunately, I was not there when he died. And when I knew about his death, his funeral was over. And I had the same experience when my mother died. When my mother died, I was in Massachusetts. And I received not a phone call, but maybe a letter from my sister. And she said my mother had a stroke. And I called her. She said, my mother died. And I tried to go back to Japan to attend the funeral, and I went.

[02:43]

But when I arrived, my house, my home funeral was just over. mother and my teacher, I had the same experience. And so part of myself, I still don't believe it. And of course, you know, I didn't meet both my mother and my teacher for a long time before their death. So somehow, in part of myself, they are still alive. I'm not sure it's good or not good. but that is my experience. Uchida Moroshi was born in 1912 and died in 1998, so he lived for 86 years. His father was quite a successful businessman in Tokyo, so he is from a rich family.

[03:58]

And when he was a teenager, aspiration or determination that he wanted to live based on the truth. And he said he didn't know what is truth. So his first step was to find the truth, what is truth. And in order to search the truth, he studied Western philosophy. at his undergraduate and graduate school. He studied Western philosophy. And during while he was a student, university student, he married. So he was very young. He was 21 or 22, with a very beautiful woman from a high-class family.

[05:08]

Actually, until the end of World War II in Japan, we had so-called aristocrats. His first wife was kind of an aristocrat family. But his first wife had TB. And she died three or four years later. So Uchamarochi was still a student. And he transmitted TB. And Uchamarochi transmitted TB from his first wife. And the rest of his life, he lived with TB. So he was physically very weak. and after he finished the graduate school he became a teacher at a catholic seminary in japan and he taught western philosophy and mathematics and he also studied catholic theology at the seminary

[06:30]

But after six months, not six years, six months, he found that he couldn't be a Catholic because of the institutionalism. So he quit the job after six months. And later he said that six months was the only time he had a regular job and regular income. And then he went back to Tokyo, and he married again. But his second wife died, I think, one and a half year after their wedding while she was pregnant. She was sick only a few days, and she suddenly died. Ucha Moroshi, that was his experience of impermanence.

[07:40]

And he decided to become a Buddhist monk. And his father tried to find a good teacher because Ucha Moroshi was very kind of an intellectual person. also critical and rebellious intellectually. So his teacher and his father thought unless he found a really great teacher, you know, he couldn't continue to be a monk. he found Sawakiroshi. At that time, Sawakiroshi was Godo, or the teacher at Sojiji. Sojiji is one of the two main monasteries of Japanese Soto then.

[08:47]

So I think Uchida Moroshi was 28 or 29. He participated in Sawaki Roshi's Sesshin at Soji-ji. Uchida Moroshi found Sawaki Roshi was really his teacher. because he didn't want to be, he didn't, basically he didn't like religion. He didn't want to accept or believe some kind of doctrine or theory already fixed. And when he listened to Saotiroshi's teaching, And also Dogen Ren's teaching, Dogen Ren said to study the Buddha way is to study the self.

[09:53]

So he found that is what he was looking for. Instead of accepting some kind of a system of belief, he wanted to find the truth and truth of the self, not truth already fixed in the past. And so he made decision to become Sawa Kiroshi's disciple. And he was ordained December 8, that was Buddha's Enlightenment Day, in the year of 1941. He was 29 years old. And December 8, 1941, was Pearl Harbor Day. Pearl Harbor Day in this country is December 7, but that is December 8 in Japan.

[11:00]

Anyway, so the day he was ordained, the war happened. So Sakiroshi's disciples had a kind of a practice place not so far from Tokyo, but in the mountains, and Sakiroshi sent Uchamurushi to that temple. And during World War II, Saiki Roshi's disciples lived together at that temple and practiced together. And they had two sessions a month. one session with Sawakiroshi. Sawakiroshi was always traveling around Japan, so Sawakiroshi never lived in a certain fixed place. He was always traveling, and he visited that temple only once a month. to lead a five-day session, I think.

[12:04]

And when Sakiroshi was there, they had, you know, of course, zazen and service and lecture and probably work period too. But they had another session without a teacher. The monks just sat with the teacher, so no lecture, no service, no work care, no nothing, but they really just sat. And they called that sannai sesshin. Sannai means within temple, so it's not open for public. Only resident practitioners sat by themselves, without teachers and without visitors. And their schedule was really extreme.

[13:07]

They started to sit at two in the morning, and they sat for 15 minutes a period and 10 minutes kihin. And they had three meals a day and a little short break after each meal. And they took time to walk holding kyōsaku, a waking stick, until midnight and twelve. And only two hours, from midnight to two in the morning, they don't have a person walking around with Kyōsaku. That means they could sleep only two hours, and yet they slept on the cushion. So basically they slept 24 hours a day.

[14:12]

except while they are eating meals and also when they are in town to walk around holding kyosaku and also when they go to bathroom. That was Uchamiro's practice in that way for three years. That was kind of the origin of the thing we had at Antaichi. So, while Sawakiroshi was alive, Uchihamuroshi practiced following Sawakiroshi's style, but Sawakiroshi died in 1965.

[15:15]

So, from 1941 to 1965, about 25 years, Uchihamuroshi practiced with Sawakiroshi. And when Sarkirosh died, people asked him to become the Abbot of Antaichi. So he became a teacher, and yet, because he had TB, he thought to be a teacher at Antaichi only for 10 years. And then he became the abbot of Antares. He kind of modified the session he had at the first temple. He thought to sit for 24 hours a day is too much. I mean, he thought we human beings have certain amount of sleep.

[16:21]

And so he decided to sleep seven hours from nine in the evening until four in the morning. And if we sleep, you know, four hours, we have no excuse to sleep. And he stopped using kyōsaku. That means each one of us had a responsibility to keep awake. If you sleep seven hours a day, that must be suctioned. So we have to take care of ourselves to wake up. So we cannot rely on the kyōsaku to wake up. And rest of the session is the same. We just continue sitting and walking three minutes a day. That's how we practice.

[17:23]

That was his kind of modification of his first session he experienced right after he became a monk. So he practiced that kind of session 10 times a year for 10 years until 1975. Then he became the abbot of Antaji. As I said, he declared that he will be the abbot only for 10 years, and he will retire. So he retired from Antaichi in 1975. I was ordained in 1970, so I practiced with him the second half of his fellowship at the Abbot of Antaichi.

[18:33]

When he retired, he was 63 years old. Zen teacher, he was very young, but because of his physical condition, he couldn't continue that kind of session. That's why he quit. And when he retired from Antaichi, he said, after retirement from Antaichi, his practice was facing life and death. After he retired from anti-ji, he gave a dharma talk or teisho only once a month at a temple in Kyoto.

[19:37]

And when he was about 70 years old, he was quite sick, and probably he himself expected he was dying. And we also almost expected he was dying. And around that time, he wrote, he made a collection of poems about life and death. And I'd like to introduce one of his poems. And this collection, small collection of his poems on life and death, was translated by Tom Wright and myself on the website of the Sanxingzhen community. So if you are interested, you can read all those poems.

[20:40]

The poem I'd like to introduce today is very short. The title of the poem is Samadhi, Samadhi of the Treasury of the Radiant Light. It's Samadhi of the Treasury of the Radiant Light. is a translation of ko-myo-zo-zan-mai. Zan-mai is samadhi, and ko-myo is radiant light. And this light, of course, is a symbol of Buddha's wisdom and compassion. And zo means treasury, same zo with zo in shobo genzon. Shobogenzo is treasury of two dharma eye, and Komyozo is treasury of radiant light.

[21:59]

And this light is the same light of the two dharma. So basically, Komyozo and Shobogenzo is the same thing. but Ujjamaa's interpretation is our life. We are born and live and die. This birth, living and death or dying is taking place within this Buddha's samadhi of radiant light. So our life is happening within Buddha's samadhi. His poem is something like this, not something, but as follows. Though poor, though poor, never poor.

[23:06]

Though sick, never sick. Though aging, never aging. Though dying, never dying. Reality prior to division. Reality prior to division. Herein lies unlimited depth. Let me read it again. Though poor, never poor. Though sick, never sick. Though aging, never aging. Though dying, never dying. Reality prior to division. Herein lies unlimited depth. That's it. As I said, he had a regular job only six months out of his, you know, 86 years of life.

[24:17]

So he was really poor. I mean, he wrote many books. More than 20 books were published. When those books were published, he received copies of books instead of money and sent those books, copies of books, to people, his students. So he didn't make money by writing books. And before he became famous, a very young teacher. He was, of course, poor because he was just a monk. And Antai had no family supporters, family members. So Antai had no regular income.

[25:22]

So he had to live on taku hats or begging, especially like after the World War II, you know, almost all Japanese were almost starving. So it was really difficult to beg in that, you know, city. People were starving. So he was, his life was very difficult. And since he, you know, He had a master degree. If he wanted, he could teach at a university or college or high school, but he never done such a thing. He really focused on zazen practice and only practiced with Sawakiroshi.

[26:31]

He never practiced at an official monastery. Anyway, so he was really poor almost after he left his home. His family was rich, but when he left home and he became a Buddhist monk, he was really poor. But he said, never poor. And when he wrote this book, he was really sick. You know, we expect him, he was dying, so he was really sick. But he said, never sick. And though aging, you know, he was around 70s, so he was aging, really.

[27:32]

But he said, never aging. and though dying, never dying. So the first half of each line and the second half of each line are contradicted. These are two kinds of forests. As reality as an individual person, he was poor, he was sick, he was aging, and he was dying. But as the reality, or the absolute reality, Since he was a teenager, he tried to find the truth and wanted to live based on that truth.

[28:37]

And he really lived on that truth after he found the truth. by Buddhist or Dogen Zenjutsu or Sakyong's teaching. He really focused on that truth and practiced and taught younger generations. So his life was really focused on that truth. And in searching the truth, And after he found the truth, he practiced and transmitted that truth to other people. That was the only thing he did. And I think the truth or reality he found was this reality. We are, as an individual, when we are facing Death, we are poor.

[29:41]

No matter how much money we may own conventionally, when we are facing death, we cannot use that money. So that money is not, you know, my position. So when we are dying sick and dying, aging, the money doesn't work. So everyone is poor when we are dying. And yet he said he was never poor. That means the reality he found is, as Buddha taught, we are living together with all beings. So there's no so-called individual self. no position or wills. So we really share everything with all beings.

[30:45]

So on that aspect, we are never poor. And even though he was sick, he said he was never sick. And he was aging, he was never aging, and he was really actually dying, but he said, I never die. You know, this is really interesting to me. You know, last month we celebrated, kind of celebrated Buddha's, Shakyamuni Buddha's death. That was January 15th. You know, when Buddha left home, left his palace, Buddha's biography said he met a sick person, aging person, dead person, and a religious practitioner.

[31:52]

And he found life is death, I mean, life is suffering. And in order to find a path of the cessation of those sufferings, he left home and practiced. And after 13 years of practice, he attained so-called enlightenment, and he became Buddha. And according to the biography of Buddha said, he kind of transcended or overcome or conquered those sufferings. But as I read the sutra of Buddha's Parinirvana, when he was dying, he was sick and he had pain. He said, I had pain and I couldn't move.

[32:54]

So he had pain, he was sick, he had pain, he was aging, and he was dying. So what's the difference between those people Buddha saw when he was young and strong and when he was eight years old? What happened when he attained so-called enlightenment? When he died, he had pain, he was sick, he was aging, he was dying, and he died actually. I think this is a really interesting point, the meaning of conquering or transcending the suffering of birth, aging, sickness, and dying. Buddha's enlightenment didn't work as a painkiller.

[34:02]

I'm pretty sure he had pain when he died. So enlightenment is not a painkiller. And it's not a tranquilizer, I think, either. But I think Buddha found same reality as Uchanoroshi's writing here. Even though he was sick, he was never sick. Even though he was aging, he was not aging. Even though he died, he never died. This kind of reality of although we are arising and perishing, or being born and die, appear and disappear, and within the process of between arising and perishing,

[35:13]

We have to experience all different changes, but still this birth, living and death is taking place within the reality which are the reality prior division or separation or discrimination. And this reality prior separation or division is division between to be poor and not to be poor. or sickness and not sickness, or healthy condition, or ageing and not ageing, or life and death. We make separation or division into two, and we think this part is positive, that part is negative, and we cling to this part and try to escape from that part.

[36:19]

and we start to chase after something and try to be in that part and escape from this part. And usually, as a Buddhist term, this is called samsara and this is called nirvana. Not if we understand samsara and nirvana or suffering and secession of suffering as something positive and negative, then our practice itself, chasing after secession of suffering and escaping from suffering, this way of life itself is suffering. And when we stop doing such a thing, chasing after something or escaping from something, we find the reality prior to those divisions. Then, even though we are poor, sick, aging and dying, still the reality of life in which we are being born, living and dying is really prior

[37:36]

the division between those things or discrimination. I think that's how we can really settle down within impermanence. That means we can experience a session of suffering within suffering. And the final line of this poem is, lies unlimited depth. That means, you know, depending upon how deep our understanding and how deep we can, how can I say, experience that reality, not only understanding, you know, samadhi this samadhi of radiant light might be shallow or deep so our practice is not gaining something positive but our practice is how deep we can go

[38:59]

through, within this reality beyond or before or prior separation of something positive and negative, something we like and dislike. And our practice of Zazen is really about how about you know deepening our awakening and experience and understanding of this reality prior to any discrimination or separation between something we want or desirable or something we don't want we letting go of those both kind of desire to gain something or to escape from something and really settle down at this moment. That means we need to accept that condition and wake up to that reality before separation.

[40:12]

He wrote this poem around when he was 70, but he didn't die. He lived almost 15 years more. Right? Yes. And he died when he was 86. And his wife, Uchimura's wife, she married again. So she married three times. And the last marriage, well, I think she married a few years after she became the abbot of Antaichi. That means she was about 55. And the rest of his life, you know, he had to live with his wife. After he retired from Antaichi, he lived with his wife.

[41:32]

And her name was Keiko-san. And Keiko-san wrote The Final Day of Gemaroshi. in the book published after his death, the book, a collection of Doge Utsumuro's essays written in his final days, mainly about life and death. And in that book, Keiko-san wrote about the last day of his life. She was in bed almost until noon, but he was very weak, of course. But he could take a walk, and in the temple ground where they lived, there's a snow-covered

[42:41]

shrine hall in which Jizo Bodhisattva was enshrined. And when he was aged, he couldn't sit. So his practice was to bow to that Jizo Bodhisattva. So at his final date, he visited that bodhisattva and bowed. And he took a short walk and came back. And he had supper. And after supper, he tried to brush his teeth. And his wife, while he was brushing his teeth, his wife heard some sound, noise.

[43:46]

And she went to that bathroom. Uchenboroshi fell down. And... She called a doctor and one of my Dharma brothers lived near there. And she was alive, I think, one or two hours. When the doctor came, he had still consciousness, but he died very quietly, peacefully. It seems difficult to tell when he died. And that was in our lunar calendar. That was the 15th day of second month in lunar calendar.

[44:53]

That is February 15th. That was exactly Buddha Shakyamuni Buddha's Parinirvana day. and the 15th day of each month is a full moon day. So one of my friend, who visited Roshi's house right after his death in the midnight, she found he was lying down and there was a really beautiful full moon and shining his face and his death face was really peaceful. And later his wife, Keiko-san, found his writing on the day he died.

[46:01]

And in his diary, he said he couldn't sleep the night before when he died because he had some problem with his legs. So he slept only a few hours. And he could, you know, visit the Jidō Bodhisattva to make homage. And he said, I finally could write a poem about bowing. or bowing or making prostration in the most kind of a complete way. That means he has been trying to write a poem about bowing or bowing with gassho and lower our head to something or someone vulnerable.

[47:20]

So until his final day, he was trying to, how can I say, express the true meaning of his practice. So until his final day, he was trying to express a truth he found. And he wrote that poem. And the poem is, his last poem is part of this book, so you can read in this book, but I'd like to just introduce today. The title of the poem is Just Bow. instead of just sitting. You know, he couldn't sit, so just down became his practice.

[48:26]

Putting my right and left hands together as one, so this is a gassho, to putting my right and left hands together as one, so two sides become one. Two sides into separation. Then I just bow, just bow to become one with Buddha and God. He said Buddha and God. Just bow to become one with everything I encounter. Just bow to become one with all the myriad things, everything in this world. Just bow as life becomes life. So within this practice of just bow, it's not a matter of he, Uchamaroji, bow to something else, something outside, but what he wanted to say is his life.

[49:43]

Bow to the life itself in order to become the life. So, you know, the individual person, independent person named Kosho Gemma somehow not disappeared. It's there, but it becomes transparent. It's there, but it's not there. Completely free from self-cringing, but life, his life becomes life itself. I think that was the reality. He finally found this reality when he was much younger. And he had been practicing it and trying to express it in many different ways.

[50:51]

And he wrote many books. And finally when he The day he died, he said, I finally completely expressed that truth. Well, last week, last Sunday, a friend of mine visited and gave a Dharma talk to us. His name was Wang Sun. He talked about the Heart Sutra. And he kind of summarized what Heart Sutra says as losing his own life or way of life or experiences as loneliness.

[51:53]

And I really appreciate his kind of the expression loneliness, when we really see the reality of emptiness, we feel loneliness. And as a part, you know, as a part in Uchiyama Roshi's poem, as a part of first half of each poem, poor, sick, aging, and dying, as individual, I think when we really see the reality of impermanence, I think loneliness is a real thing we feel as a feeling and emotion. And I think it's really important to find that loneliness. That means as an individual, we are completely alone. But at the same time, there's no such thing as independent person, individual person who are alone, because we are dealing together with all beings.

[53:11]

So I think in Uchiyama Roshi's final poem, the loneliness also disappeared. and become really transparent. And only this life manifests the life itself. And yet his body is there, his mind is there, and he's trying to express this reality. at the very time he was dying and he was disappearing. And as an individual, you know, body and mind, he really disappeared. so he's not here anymore in this world. But the life he lived and also the reality or truth he found and he tried to express and transmit to us is still here, I think.

[54:22]

And especially when I sit facing the wall, I feel I'm living the same life as he lived. So I really grateful, I'm really grateful to have a teacher like him. He never said, I'm enlightened person. I'm a true teacher, I never made mistake. But he said, don't rely on me. So I have to, I have been, I have I have been practicing for my own, with my own body and mind, that I found that I'm living with the same life with my teacher.

[55:29]

Because that is only thing he, how can I say, tried to teach or transmit to me. So he gained nothing, but he lost nothing. It's all there. And I think our practice is the same practice. Our practice of Zazen is the same practice within Zazen. We are like a cloud, somehow we appear and stay for a while and disappear. You know, we experience everything in our Zazen, all the different kind of thought or emotion, feeling, come up, stay for a while, and disappear. And we, ourselves, is the same as our thought in order then. Somehow we appear, stay for a while, and disappear.

[56:33]

And that's all. At least that is what I learned from my teacher and I really appreciate his teaching. Not only teachings he wrote in his book, but his life itself. I think it's his teaching. This is what I have to say today. So, because today is his memorial day, after this lecture, we would like to have a memorial service. And today, because we don't have English translation of echo or dedication, we decide to chant Sandokai in Japanese, and Shotai is going to recite the echo in Japanese.

[57:41]

So please try to chant with us in Japanese as much as possible. And I have one announcement, not an announcement, but we plan to have an open house. in May, end of May, Saturday, Sunday? Saturday, final Saturday, but it's 28th. And, you know, we are trying to make plan and organize things, and I think we need many volunteers who could join and help us. So, who's the best person? So, Tyson and Carol, or other... whoever please if you can help us or join us please say so i think we have we need many people okay thank you

[58:51]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_88.62