So, tonight I wanted to try something a little different. For me, I want to see if you have some questions or comments or interests which I might respond to. I mean, I can sit here and talk, too, and kind of just like, you know, hear the questions that are in the air, or, you know, something like that. But if you have a particular interest or things that you would like, perhaps, for me to talk about, I would also be happy to do that. I do have some things that I want to say, but I'll probably end up saying them in the course of things anyway. Or, would it help if I started? All right.

[01:02]

I'm going to say a few words, and then see if you have something you want me to talk I think part of my feeling this week is, because I'm speaking in English, and, you know, most of you are very good at German, and so I feel more comfortable, certainly, talking

[02:09]

with people who are more used to speaking English. And I also feel like I do feel like I know what to talk about without anybody saying anything. So, I don't know so well, in some ways, what to talk about. So, I want to explain a little bit about our week together here. It's interesting because, in some ways, it's a session, you know, session is a week of intensives in meditation. And in some ways, it's not a session. So in some ways, this could be confusing. And so what we're doing is, you know, nobody's ever done this before.

[03:15]

We're making it up. I hope you don't mind. That we're just making this up this week. What to do. We did something like this last year, but, you know, this year it's different, even though so we're making it up new. Zen is from Japan, and, you know, none of us are Japanese. So, I'm not sure that anybody who's not Japanese can do Zen. I'm not sure the Japanese think so. They have the, you know, in English we say, you know, the franchise. They're the real Zen people. And they look at the Americans and say, oh, you have a kindergarten monastery. Oh, very nice. So it might be that we're doing kindergarten Zen.

[04:24]

And certainly, you know, I neglected, Rainer has been very gracious to, you know, offer some Qigong, and we will continue to have some if he's willing as the week goes on. But I neglected to announce that this week, you know, that I'm not a Qigong teacher or a Qigong master. And actually, you know, we're not doing Qigong, you know, we're doing Edgung. And I normally, I try to explain this right at the beginning so that you don't, you aren't fooled, you know. I am actually, you know, I have the outfit here, you know, I'm a Zen teacher. I got the stick. So I am a Zen teacher, but, you know, we Zen teachers, we don't know anything, you know. Then when you know little enough, then you get to be a Zen teacher.

[05:31]

Before that, you know, it's like the, well, you know, many of you have had kids, you know, 16, 17, 18, 22, and they know everything. My daughter knew everything until, you know, maybe a year or two ago. She's 36 now. Dad, she would explain to me. So, you know, and there was one young man who was decided to run for the mayor of a local city where I live, and he said, he was 18, he said, hire me while I still know everything. It's just rather clever. So, you know, I did, I don't know, you know, 50 or 60 or something, you know, real sessions.

[06:35]

You know, 12 or 14 periods of sitting, and sitting for the three meals, and, you know, get up at whatever, three or four in the morning and sit down, and, you know, I would sit down and sit until 9 or 10 at night, and I'm sorry, but, you know, I mean, maybe that's good, you know, but I also think it's a young person's sport, you know. It's for young people who are sturdy and athletic and have a body that they can still abuse and, you know, injure and so forth, you know. When, you know, back in the 60s, I mean, people used to go have knee surgeries because they were, you know, so eager to sit the right way, you know, full lotus and everything. Okay, you know, and so maybe this is good. I'm in the, you know, Bankei. Bankei is a Japanese Zen master from, I don't know, you know, 17th, 18th century or something. And Bankei was famous because he did all this rigorous sitting and, you know, day and night,

[07:46]

and for a while he had, you know, sores on his buttocks that were oozing and, you know, festering, and he went on sitting anyway on rocks, not just on cushions, and then he had some, you know, great breakthrough, the story goes, and then he went around the country talking to hundreds of people at a time. I wonder how they did this without microphones, you know. What did he do? Did he yell? I mean, it's amazing. How could he talk to hundreds of people? Anyway, and he used to say, sitting is overrated. I did it. I should know. I did it. You don't need to. Just awaken your unborn Buddha mind and do what you want. So then, of course, people would say, how do I do that?

[08:47]

Awaken my unborn Buddha mind? And, you know, he would say things like, it's already been done, hasn't it? I mean, you hear me talking, that's your unborn Buddha mind, you know. You feel pain in your knee, that's your unborn Buddha mind. What were you thinking it was? Just pain in your knee? It's your unborn Buddha mind. Get used to it. So, anyway, some people like to sit. So I still like to sit, you know. Okay. Anyway, and some of you may like to sit. So I'm here and we can do some sitting together. But I kind of like a balance of, you know, some sitting and then we have some movement of some kind. And this week it's turning out we have a movement of Ed Gong and Chi Gong.

[09:54]

Let's see how this goes. And then we have, you know, some meals. We have a little walking meditation. And then, you know, we actually have, you know, a pretty good break. After breakfast we have an hour and after lunch an hour. We have some time after the work in the afternoon. We have time after dinner. So I want to recommend to you, you know, that you, you know, follow your spirit and find something to do with yourself that you enjoy. If some of you want to come and sit some more, you can come and sit some more. It may be, especially as the week goes on, you feel drawn to do some extra sitting other than when we're here and scheduled. You may like to walk, get some fresh air, some exercise. You may want to do some Chi Gong or some of you may do yoga.

[10:59]

I did yoga for, you know, 20 years or more. And, you know, some of you might like to read or keep a journal. So, sometimes if the session is very intensive, the one thing we're trying to do is not to talk. You know, our idea is not to talk. So it's to be more inward and less, you know, outward. And to let something come from inside. It's really quite mysterious. You know, there's something coming from inside. There are various kinds of experiences that come from inside.

[12:01]

In some way, all of our experience comes from inside. And in a certain way, traditional Zen is designed to have something, a flash, inside. This is a special, you know, particular form of intuition or insight. Insight or intuition happens for, you know, many of us. It happens in our work. It happens in our family life. Sometimes there are times when we don't know what to do. And we focus on not knowing what to do and study, you know, what do I do? What do I do? And there are times when we cannot figure it out. We cannot think it out. And there's actually a wonderful book in English called Hair, Brain, Tortoise Mind.

[13:03]

You know, the hair like the rabbit. That kind of hair. Hair, Brain, Tortoise Mind. And the subtitle of the book is, How Intelligence Increases When You Think Less. So this is what Zen is interested in. The intelligence that increases when you think less. And there are certain kinds of problems in our life we can't, it's not about thinking. So when your mind is very focused, and Zen uses, you know, sometimes koans, or, you know, particular phrases or passages to focus your thinking mind, and then some insight can come. Sometimes. Apparently Mozart, you know, would have whole symphonies come to him.

[14:05]

In a flash. Of course then he had to spend weeks and weeks and weeks writing down the notes. Sometimes after your insight, you actually have a lot of work to do. You know, you have to, you study how to put your enlightenment into practice. And scientists have had these kind of insights. And it's generally pretty well known that you, you know, that you're focused, you're very focused. And then actually, interestingly enough, what helps is to relax. Take a warm shower. You know, go for a walk. Many people, you know, take a nap.

[15:08]

Many people have had insight, you know, sometimes in a dream. The person who came up with this six-sided carbon, whatever, you know, he dreamed it. How the carbon molecules are structured. And so taking a nap, going for a walk. You do something that's relaxing and your mind is very focused. It's the, and scientists now have studied this, it's the, you know, the left side of the brain that thinks this way. It's very focused. And then something flashes on the right side of the brain. When you're relaxed. So, sometimes I think traditional Zen over emphasizes just being focused and, you know, when do you get to relax? And have something flash. And there was one scientist, Richard Feynman, who was a nuclear, I mean, a Nobel Prize winner, I think, physicist.

[16:25]

He would concentrate and concentrate and concentrate and then he would, to relax, he went to topless bars. And he would drink seven up at the topless bar and enjoy the entertainment. The women with no tops. And sometimes, and then when things occurred to him, he wrote it down on the cocktail napkins. He studied this. You know, how do you have insight? So, I want to, in my, you know, we want to stay in some way, in a way focused. And not distract ourselves with, you know, just talking. Although maybe talking wouldn't be so bad either. But, it's a little easy with talking to lose your focus. And there are other ways to relax. The walking. This, you know, and maybe it's more relaxed to sit here with, you know, others here.

[17:28]

And to be able to move when you feel like moving. And walk. And watch the clouds. We have this time this week, you know, we're not, we're not, we're out of our regular life. So, just that alone is already pretty relaxing. Not to have the ongoing affairs of your everyday life. But what I don't know about this week, you know, is what to talk with you about meditation. You know, there are all kinds of things people can say about meditation. I'm perfectly capable of telling you, of giving you many, many instructions.

[18:30]

I'm not sure whether it will help you or not. What are you, you know, and here's, you know, there are different reasons for instructions. And basically, but basically, already, you know, the practice is taking care of this. One of the basic concepts in Zen is that you have enough form, enough structure, so that it's impossible to be you in that situation. Do you understand? Who are you used to being? You're used to talking, you're used to, you get hungry, you're used to eating. You know, if you're sitting here, you're not, pretty soon, you're not going to be able to be you. And so, that's, the practice is taking care of itself. How can you be you? How can you stop being you?

[19:37]

Sometimes, if you get instructions, and you start trying to do the instructions, it's just more, making more for yourself to do, and to help you go on being you. I'm doing so well at following these instructions. Oh, I'm not doing so well at following instructions. Oh, gosh. Then you get to be you, and see, and measure how well or poorly you follow instructions. Does this help? I don't know, maybe. If you don't have any instructions, then you get, and at last, what do I do? I don't know what to do. Well, we have enough instructions anyway. You all get into your cushion, and sitting, and facing the wall. So, what else do you need to know? And then you find out for yourself what to do. And you can't be you while you're sitting there. You can try, but after a while, you have enough problems that you can't go on being you. You know, it's like, one of the metaphors is like you've got a lot of baggage,

[20:46]

and you think it's important to carry all this baggage with you. Bring along your thoughts, and your feelings, and your stories, and your practice, and the body you're used to having, and then you start doing this practice, and pretty soon, it's too heavy to carry all this stuff, so you start dropping things. Hey, drop it off. Where? Into the ground, into the floor. Into the air. Into the air. Sometimes you just put your head down. You know, at some point, it's just too hard to go on being you. And you drop, things drop away.

[21:51]

And sometimes it's not as though, you know, this was part of what I quoted you from Dogen. When you are realized by myriad things, your body and mind drops away. So, it doesn't say you do the dropping. It drops away. Things that you're used to having around, you know, things that you're used to thinking, who you are, what's important to you, after a while, it just drops away. It's too hard to go on doing that, and go on sitting. So, you know, largely the practice takes care of itself. And, you know, Suzuka, she used to say, I give you talks because, you know, usually you need a little candy for your mind. To keep it busy.

[22:51]

To give it something good to eat. And then you can go on with your practice. Your mind is satisfied. Maybe candy is not a good word. How about some brown rice? So, you know, instructions sometimes are very good. And then, on the other hand, this week, you see, I haven't been giving you much instructions, except for bow, facing your cushion, bow away, sit down, turn around. You know, pretty simple. And then, you know, sit down.

[24:00]

So, let me tell you a poem, a Zen poem. Some of you, many of you, have heard of, there's a Japanese Zen teacher named Hakuin. Hakuin was what, the 16th century? He's the most famous Japanese Zen master of the last 500 years. Later in his life, he drew a lot of, did a lot of calligraphy and playful drawings with little palms and things. So, this is from later in his life. He wrote this little palm. And then, the demon, do you know demon? Demon?

[25:10]

Demon. Demon outside pushes at the door. The demon inside holds it fast. They struggle with all their might. Sweat pouring from head to toe, they fight on all through the night. Until at last, in the morning light, laughter fills the air. They were friends from the start. That's like a flash of insight. But this is the nature of our habit to set up one against another. And you will, it's easy to think you know that there's some aim to sitting.

[26:11]

What you should be doing. So this week I haven't been telling you anything about what you should be doing, but probably you have plenty of ideas without me telling you. And you'll believe them. Okay. If you have some particular interest or question or want me to talk some about meditation or how to do it, what to focus on,

[27:17]

I can give you some suggestions. Otherwise, it's not that it's necessary, but if you're interested, I will give some suggestions. Yes. I did always hear you should concentrate on one point, like for example the brain, to concentrate on the hara, or how the brain will come out of the nose. So it's always very focused on one point. Yeah, I did always feel that and I also try to do that, but sometimes I've got the impression that maybe it's wrong, but that it does make my mind go like this. And sometimes I've got the impression that it's better just only to sit there. But then I don't know what...

[28:20]

Yeah. So it's often useful to have a point of study, like following your breath in one fashion or another. This is because as a rule, generally speaking, we don't our consciousness is not connected very well to our body, not connected very well to our thinking or our feeling. So it seems pretty important to study and work on connecting, you know, that your awareness can focus and find the breath

[29:25]

and follow the breath. So that, that's the most common, you know, focus for Buddhist meditation. Finding your breath and being with the sensations of breathing. And people have different than suggestions to go with that. So some people you can have a more narrow focus

[30:26]

or you can have a wider focus. And what I mean is, you know, usually, again, our common thing is to do something with our awareness the way we know how to do it. So when somebody says, I do that, then you're doing it, but you have to, but after you do it for a while, then you do it with more of your personality or who you are, more feeling. So, for instance, you know, Suzuki Roshi talked a lot about following the breath. And for many years, he said to count

[31:31]

as you breathe. And you count as you exhale one, and then the next exhale two, up to ten, and then you start at one. But when somebody says this, then they will also try to say, but, you know, don't have the counting be separate from your experience. The counting is to help bring your awareness to the sensation. Otherwise, your mind will go one, two, three, and it's counting, but you're not aware of your breath. So you're trying to connect the counting with your breath wherever you're following it. And usually, some people talk about the abdomen. And those are the two most common is the nostrils and the abdomen. But another possibility is to follow the breath

[32:31]

where you notice it, where the sensation is the strongest. And, or to study where you notice your breath. You know, you could spend a period noticing the breath in the front, and a period noticing the breath in the back. Or for a while, see what you notice in the front, see what you notice in the back. See what you notice up, see what you notice down. And then, you know, Suzuki Roshi also said, please be kind with your breath. So being kind with your breath is a different feeling. If you've tried, you know, following your breath, and being very focused, instead of being very focused, try being very kind.

[33:33]

Like, with your awareness, you're very gentle touching the inhalation and touching the exhalation, like you're holding something very carefully. So you're making your awareness soft and tender and kind in order to be with your breath. Because your breath is that precious. Okay. And sometimes, of course, you know, you can study the difference between breathing and letting your breath breathe you. Usually when you go to follow the breath,

[34:39]

you have some idea of giving the breath some directions. And sometimes, you know, how it would be in order to please you. So, but, you know, if you invite your breath to breathe you, this is an example of when you forget yourself, you will realize binary things. So your breath realizes itself when you let it. When you let it, your breath realizes itself as you got out of the way. And you, and you let your breath do what it loves to do. So there are many possibilities. But coming to your breath is, you know, very powerful then.

[35:40]

And there's not just one way to do it. Is that a hand up or register? Activities. Yeah. I know that we are alive and on this path. But, in a way, I find it possible in my life that it wasn't very difficult to choose the teachers on this path. And this is for me now very, very difficult because I'm not very close to make the decision

[36:43]

to get more coordination. And therefore, it's very hard for me now to know which path or which teacher I should go. And this is something what creates a lot of truth whether it's in my brain or it's in my heart. If you're close to ordination as a monk, it's similar to if you're about to get married. When you have a big commitment,

[37:45]

many, many doubts will come up. So, if you didn't have a lot of doubt when you're about to make a big step like this, it would be very unusual. And maybe not so, you know, maybe you would be missing something. So, it's important then to honor your doubt and to look into them and to in some way, you know, either either you're you come to finally being settled with your decision to go forward or you're not. And I'm trying to remember. Last year or two years ago, you know, I went to do a wedding. And the night before,

[38:47]

the day before we did the rehearsal, we had a rehearsal, then it was a little funny, you know, they were drinking wine at the rehearsal. Most people start drinking wine at the rehearsal. Most people like the rehearsals a little serious. But then after the rehearsal, there was a rehearsal dinner. And before dinner, people were drinking at the bar. And then with dinner, there was wine and more wine and more wine. And then long break between the courses when people were drinking wine. Not exactly my idea of a good time. I went to stay at a hotel. I left the dinner early. And then the next day I went to the wedding.

[39:51]

I thought it was going to be a wedding. The caterer said to me, the wedding is off. And little by little, I got the story. The bride was there with her mother. It was at the mother's house. And they said, well, you know, we we've already hired the caterers and the musicians. So we decided to go ahead and have a party and just so this is we're going to have a not a wedding party. And we've called the man, the husband's family's people to tell them not to come. So anyway, at the last minute, and then it turned out that the after the dinner,

[40:54]

some of the younger people had gone out to bar. They'd been drinking at three or so before dinner at dinner, and then they went out to a bar. And then they one of the women got in a fight with another woman. One of the women from the husband's family and one of the women from the and then they brought the husband. He got in a fight with the wife's brother and almost broke his arm. So about one or two in the morning, they called up the woman who was going to get married and said, you better get down here. And she went down and decided he was someone she hadn't realized he was. And she'd never seen him that way and decided not to

[41:56]

get married. As somebody put it, it was just the truth waiting to be seen. So once in a while, you know, your you know, your doubts come to something like that. Most of your doubts you you know, and you see the importance of your the power of your commitment and and one of the main you know, there are various kinds of questions. If it's a marriage, you know, you want to feel like it's the person you're with is a good person to have problems with. You know, rather than and in Zen, it's something like that. Is your is your teacher a good person to have problems with? Because teachers

[42:59]

and students will always have problems, just like husband and wife and parent and children. It's a relationship. You have problems. So it's a good person to study problems with. And then also, you know, teachers are different, but and you know, situations are different. With my students and, you know, I only have two ordained students, but I tell them, you know, I say you should study with the person you're with. You should study with the people you're with. And if you find somebody to study with, please study with them. So and then, you know, and then I can go on having a relationship with them that's bigger than you know, it's a little bit like so, you know, when your kids get to be teenagers, you say, yeah, please go to school and come home and tell me

[43:59]

about it. And, you know, go go on that trip and come home and tell me about it. So I have more of that kind of feeling rather than you should just stay home. No, I have the feeling of please, you know, find your way in your life and we will continue to be in relationship. And, you know, I think of Brother David who many of you know who is one of the founders of Poric here with with Vanya. You know, it's Christian Buddhist Center. And Brother David is one of the founders and he's a Benedictine monk. And so he has he must have, you know, at some point, you know, he was ordained. He studies becoming a Benedictine monk. And then, you know, he was at the first practice period at Tassar in 1967 for a month. I was the cook.

[45:00]

He was the dishwasher. I've known Brother David since 1967. I don't see him much. But Brother David is the kind of person he studied Zen and then, you know, for many years he went. Maybe you've heard of Esalen in California, you know, Human Growth Institute or whatever, you know, and they have massage and therapies and dance and yoga and what have you. And Brother David was the priest in residence at Esalen for 10 or 15 years and living down the road at New Commodity Monastery or someplace. so the fact that he has an ordination doesn't keep him from it gives him a kind of home. And he has that home and that stability and he can do many things. And for me, it's been kind of like that. I'm a Zen priest and then I can do yoga and study many things and do Ed Gong

[46:02]

and eventually some Qi Gong. Study a little bit more this week. And, you know, I've studied handwriting change and hands-on healing and, you know, many different things. But I always think, you know, being a Zen priest is my home. This is my home place. And it's a kind of home that gives me a kind of ground and stability and center and that, you know, anything else I experience I can bring it back to being a Zen priest. So it depends on the situation but potentially and, you know, marriages can be like that too. Potentially what you learn and people work out their relationships but potentially what you learn in various places you bring back to your relationship, what you

[47:03]

learn in your relationship, you take out into the world. And so anyway we study in various ways like this. Sometimes and the teachers at Zen Center are different that way. There's one of the teachers at Zen Center. He wants his... if he is going to give somebody ordination as a priest, he wants them to stay and study with him for five years, and then maybe they can go and do something. But they will stay, you know, a pretty long time and study with him. And other people, you know, like myself, if I ordain somebody, maybe you study with me

[48:09]

or maybe you go off and do something else, so it varies with the person, you know, what kind of situation it is. Oh. Let's see what time it is. Okay. Well, we've done this long enough. On to the next thing. I did want to mention one other thing. I'm going to make up some sheets to sign up. You reminded me, Jens, that, you know, I'm going to have times when you can come sign up and come and talk to me. I'm going to start tomorrow, so I will have a few more then. I will have altogether 16 sign-up places for now, which means that, you know, some of you, if you wanted to sign up for tomorrow sometime, then there's the possibility you could also

[49:12]

sign up for later in the week after giving people a chance. But probably not everybody wants to sign up, but you're welcome to come and talk to me and I'm aiming to have one half hour times. And then if we decide we want to do more of this kind of talking, I will schedule some more times. So one-to-one talking about one thing or another. In Soto Zen, you know, we don't have a format for how to do the talking. So when I first went to see Suzuki Roshi, I didn't know what to say. And we were sitting very close. And, you know, I felt very insecure. I didn't know what to say.

[50:14]

So I was sitting. And after a little bit, Suzuki Roshi said, how is your meditation? And I said, not so good. He said, you might have this feeling about your meditation. It's pretty usual that we assess these things, good or bad, right or wrong, because in theory if you've got more goods and less bads and more rights and less wrongs, people would love you more. Or you would gain more approval, recognition. Is it true? Probably not, but you'd like to think so. Anyway, I said, meditation, not so good. And Suzuki Roshi said, oh really, not so good? What's going on? And I said, well, I'm thinking a lot. And he said, is there some problem about thinking?

[51:19]

I looked for it. I couldn't find it. And I said, well, you're not supposed to. You know. You're the teacher. You should know that. You're not supposed to think. That's what you tell us. Don't think so much. And he said, I think thinking is pretty normal. Don't you? I think it's pretty normal to think. I said, yeah, I guess it's pretty normal, yeah. So anyway, then he talked some about thinking. I know we need to think. But if you sit some more, sometimes your thinking will be quiet. So you don't have to.

[52:36]

Partly my point is, you don't have to have some big question or something necessarily to talk about. You can just come and say, hi. Hey, better come and say hello. Because we can sit quietly, or maybe I have something to talk with you about. I don't know. So we'll find out if we want to do something. And people have different ideas about these things, you know. I mean, I went and sat with Suzuki Roshi, and Garagir Roshi, and Covincino, and you know, various things happened. I read in a book by Sultan Malian. Sultan has a center in southern Colorado in the Rockies. You know, it's in the Bogosa Springs. It's in a valley surrounded by mountains. I haven't been there. I want to go sometime. Tibetan. So her first interview like this was with Trungpa Rinpoche.

[53:37]

And she said, she sat down, and she sat there. She didn't know what to say. And Trungpa Rinpoche sat there. He wasn't saying anything. And they sat there for 30, 40 minutes. And then in her book she says, I realized he was giving me direct mind-to-mind transmission. So you never know. You can come and talk, and you might have direct mind-to-mind transmission. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay. Thank you.

[54:51]

Blessings. So, we'll, um, if you take the time now and divide it in two, we'll walk for the first half, sit for the second half, chant. And up until nine o'clock. So we'll still end at nine? Okay. Thank you.

[55:12]

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