someone said to me, I did that. And my granddaughter, who's now three, when she was about one and a half, she would often say, I did it. And then we would often say, you did it. And, you know, I let it go at that. But when this person, this adult said to me, and I did that, I said, I thought and I said, that's your story. Your story is you did that. And I'm not telling another story which is, you didn't do that.

[01:14]

But I hear you tell the story, I did that. The teaching of suchness which has been intimately entrusted to us is something to take care of. And one of the ways to take care of it is when we have the story, I did that, the job is to be intimate with that story. When I think, I did that, I am responsible for thinking and saying, I did that. But my main responsibility in terms of curing all ills to join the relieving of suffering is to be intimate with the story, I did that.

[02:29]

As someone who wishes to use every opportunity as a point for relieving suffering, then whatever story I think, I'm responsible to be intimate with that story. And if I can be intimate with that story, or if I can enter the intimacy of that story, which is already there, then that is the intimate entrustment of the teaching. And I actually have thought sometimes that I did a good thing, or that I did, like, I actually have thought, oh, I gave a gift. I think, oh, I gave that gift. I have actually thought that. And sometimes I think, oh, I took something that was not given.

[03:37]

I actually have thought that. And I'm not saying that those two stories are true or false. I'm just saying I have had stories like that. I have had stories like, I was not kind to that person. But I'm not saying I actually did that thinking. I'm not saying that now. But maybe I thought I did. Maybe I thought I thought I did that. But I don't necessarily now tell you that I think I do my thinking. But it looks like I do. To me it sometimes looks like I'm moving my hands, but I don't actually say that anymore. I just say it looks like I'm moving my hands. It looks like I'm talking to you. That's how it looks.

[04:40]

And I don't say that's true or false. I say being intimate with that appearance relieves suffering. And not being intimate with that appearance creates suffering. If I think, oh, I'm talking to you, and I'm not intimate with that, that's the problem. If I say I'm not moving my hands and I'm not intimate with that story, that creates suffering. And then again, as we talked quite a bit this morning, when I tell the story, I'm moving my hands, or I tell the story, I'm not moving my hands, and somebody might say, well, the second story was not true, and the first story was. That's your story. And if you're not intimate with that story, that the first one was true and the second one wasn't or whichever, however, if you're not intimate with that story, then you're not

[05:50]

being responsible for liberating beings on the occasion of your storytelling. But if you think that's a true story or a false story, at that moment, if you're intimate with whatever you think, you are joining the work of the Buddhas. And that requires not turning away from your story, and also if you're listening to other people's stories, not turning away from their story, and not touching your story, and not touching their stories. In this way, the teaching which cures all ills is intimately entrusted in both directions. I also mentioned that I was talking to one of our elders at Green College shortly after a grand mal seizure that he went through.

[07:06]

And he was talking to me and he said, what does it say, what's that book that one of your students wrote? And I said, he's from Chicago, I said, oh, is that, are you talking about cultivating an empty field? And he said, yeah, that's it. What does it say in there? It says something like, in spite of innumerable insults and 10,000 difficulties, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. Not to mention, he didn't say, in spite of innumerable compliments and ten thousand blessings, the upright cauldron is naturally beneficent. That upright cauldron is what attracted me to Zen.

[08:11]

To see somebody who when you insult her, the insult goes into the cauldron. and she cooks it intimately. If you compliment her, the compliment goes into the cauldron and she holds it. She doesn't touch it, she doesn't turn away from it. And from this intimacy with insults and compliments comes beneficence. If you wish to realize beneficence in the world of suffering, then here's a cauldron to take care of, which is your relationship with all beings, which includes them all, is intimate with them all, doesn't turn away from them, doesn't touch them, but embraces them all. And I invite Jane, a special invitation to Jane, to ask a question or bring up, have a conversation.

[09:21]

You're welcome, Jane. And one of the ways that I heard it, and I don't know if I wanted to hear it this way, or if it might be a good way to understand it, is that it's not necessarily that there is something other than hesitating and moving. It's not necessarily something other than that. Yeah, good point. We'll throw you into doubt and vacillation and confusion.

[10:24]

Yeah, good point. the practice is to discern, is to see them together in their, you know, it's a... When you say, see them together, what is them? The opportunity to move, the opportunity to hesitate. Okay. To see them intimate, see them closely, and have an understanding of the difference between the two and when and moving is the right thing, and hesitating is the right thing. So this is what I heard. I wanted to check. And it also reminds me of, I think I heard someone say that they sometimes feel, I don't know if I got it right, the impulse to fix?

[11:32]

Or was it, or urge to fix? Did somebody say something like that? Possibly. So, when there is an urge to fix, you see some problem, and then you feel the urge to fix, I would encourage us to be intimate with the urge to fix. Someone may say, would you fix me? and you hear that and your response might be, hmm? Yeah, I'll fix you, right? But actually, when the person says, please fix me, that's what's happening now, is you're hearing, please fix me. In other words, I'll tell you about in other words in a minute, please fix me.

[12:38]

I'm saying be intimate with listening to, please fix me. If I'm intimate with, please fix me, it's possible that following from that there might be an impulse to fix. However, that's often also called counter-transference, that this person is confusing you with their mother, and they think they're still a child. So they say, please fix me. I am immature, and I need someone else to be fixed, rather than I need a relationship to realize being fixed. I need somebody else to fix me. And I think this person will fix me, so I say to this person, fix me.

[13:41]

the person who's listening, if they're not intimate with that request, please fix me, if they're not intimate with it, they will miss that they have responded to the request. What is the response to the request? What is it? Intimacy. Intimacy is the response to the request. It's not, please fix me or I want to fix you. It's I'm with you asking me to fix you. And that does not collude with the transference to you as their parent and them being a child, which they're not now. They're ready to be responsible that when they say, please fix me, they can be intimate with, please fix me.

[14:48]

But they cannot do it by themselves and they will not do it by themselves because when they say, please fix me, there's a response to that request. The request is misput, sort of. It's really, please meet me and show me that I don't need you to do my job for me. And so when you hear, please fix me, you know, oh, they're actually asking me to be intimate with them. They're actually asking me to totally listen, not to fix. They don't understand that yet, so I'm going to show them by listening to them and kind of listen full stop. Now it's possible that following that, you might feel the impulse to fix them. And it's possible. And then if that happened, which it might, you could be intimate with that and no problem. And you wouldn't be doing their job for them because it's not their job for them to be intimate with that impulse because it's yours.

[15:59]

However, they're asking you to be intimate with that. And the impulse is also asking us to be intimate with, I feel I want to fix them. But that feeling of I want to fix them might not arise, but it could. And again, as you say, it might just look like it. It might not really be that. It's just a story. I want to fix them. And it's just a story. Please fix me. So, in fact, whenever anybody makes a request, not later, at that very moment, we respond by listening to it. And the listening meets it, and in that meeting is the intimacy. They don't do the intimacy all by themselves. They do it with us, and we do not do it by ourselves, we do it with them. In that relationship, there's a Zen master. And the problem is taken care of right then.

[17:01]

That turns into a pivotal opportunity. That turns into an intimate entrustment in both directions. Which might be followed by, hey, I got this strange thing I wanted to fix you. I don't know where that came from. But I want to be intimate with. Now that it's come, because we're not going to say that can never happen, I just had this feeling of, I want to fix you. Or I had this idea, I want to fix me. Or I had this idea, I need fixing, because I'm somewhat defective. I could think that. I can think I'm somewhat defective. I can think I'm a bad person. I can think that. I can think, I'm a Buddha. But when I think I'm a Buddha or I'm a bad person, that's an opportunity to be intimate with that thought.

[18:07]

And that thought is calling out, please be intimate with me. Hey, how about, try this on. I'm a bad person, can you be intimate with that? Oh, yes. How about I'm a stupid person? Can you be intimate with that? Yeah. How about I'm a great person and so great that I'm not even arrogant? Can you be intimate with that? Yes. But intimate with that doesn't mean rejecting it. No, you're not really arrogant. No, you're not really great. Yes, you are great. Yes, you are. It's none of that. It's not touching and it's not turning away. So, there can be all kinds of stuff. You name it. I'm a good person, I'm a bad person, I'm a fixer, I'm a fixee, fix me, I'll fix you. All that stuff can arise. We're talking about saving all beings.

[19:12]

which means being intimate with all beings, which means being intimate with everything I think, and everything I hear you say, and everything you appear to me. And you're asking me to be intimate with you, and I'm asking you to be intimate with me, and when I ask you, you respond. And if you're intimate with me, you know you respond, but not know like think you're intimate or think you're responding, you know by the intimacy. The intimacy knows. The intimacy is the Zen Master. So, yeah, we might sometimes think, oh, I need to fix that person. It's possible. And we might sometimes think, hallelujah, I'm right.

[20:17]

That might occur. I know better than you, little girl. You're three and I'm a wise old man. I know better than you. That thought might occur. It's okay, granddaddy, I can run in the street when the cars are coming. I know better than that. I could think that. Or not. She could say, I'm going in the street, and I might not think, oh, I know better than you. I might say, I might think, if you're going in the street, I'm going to be intimate with you. because I want to live with you in a way that relieves suffering. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'm not better than you, I'm with you.

[21:23]

And that's not easy sometimes, like if you want to go in the street. How can I be with you rather than fixing you, rather than controlling you? Do I trust controlling or intimacy? And when things seem dangerous, we think, well, maybe later on the intimacy, now control, and then later we'll get intimate. After I save you from getting hurt in the street, then I'll get intimate with you. But that's not a good habit to get into because just before you start to be intimate another thing comes along which you need to control. And so spend all day long trying to control everything and maybe being successful or not, who knows, but missing the pivotal opportunity. Missing the place where you don't turn or touch your way. which is that place of not abiding, which nobody's in control of and everybody is living it right now.

[22:33]

It is our actual life. You already have it. So please take care of it. I would like to. How about you? So it is the teaching of suchness, but it's not just the teaching of it, it is the intimate entrustment of it, and you have it. So now you have this responsibility, which is the same as being responsible for every experience you have, and being responsible for being intimate with every experience you have. Yes. Can I say Jack Patrick one more time? Jack Patrick. Jack Patrick. Yes.

[23:34]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. in a sense, to your story. Yes. Being able to pivot at that moment from your story is what I'm hearing. Well, if you wish, every story that appears in our mind, of every action that appears in our mind, we have contributed to that somewhat. That's one meaning of responsible. I've contributed to this. We're not to blame because blame puts too much responsibility on us and doesn't realize that other factors are involved. But the one I'm talking about is the ability to respond in a way that realizes this intimate entrustment.

[24:44]

And we do respond, so we have to learn how to catch that and join that response, which is basically to learn how to not distract ourselves from it because it's happening. And the way we distract ourselves from the way we do respond to everything we think and everything we hear, the way we distract ourselves is by turning away or touching or getting excited. So like, again, somebody asks for help and you just help them. And you miss it, so then you think you have to move. The student comes and says, please teach me Zen. And you think, well, okay, rather than, when they said, please teach me Zen, this is Zen, this is what Zen's like. People say stuff like, please teach me Zen, that's what Zen is like. When you listen to somebody who says, please teach me Zen, this is like learning Zen. And then if you miss it, then you think, well, let me see, what should I say?

[25:49]

Because you missed the teaching already going on, then you move. And then your movement, then you go into a pit. Not only did you miss it, but then on top of missing it, now you do something. So then you really get in trouble. But if you, if somebody says, please help me practice Zen, and you catch it, then you don't move. Or if you miss it, you say, I missed it. I just, that's like, I hesitated. So it's when you hesitate, you move. You hesitate, like, somebody just said something to me and we were practicing Zen just then. And I hesitated, so now I think I have to do something to practice Zen. That's our responsibility in this context, is to learn to not miss that relationship where every moment we are asking for the teaching and every moment we are being asked for the teaching.

[27:00]

However, we cannot see that every moment. Because sometimes people, the way they ask us is they say, I'm in pain. Or they say, please fix me. Doesn't sound like they're asking for the teaching. But they are. And we don't realize that the reason why they asked us is because we asked them for the teaching. And so they said to us, please help me. Because we asked them for the teaching, they say, please help me. He asked the Buddha for the teaching. Buddha says, please help me. But we may not notice that we asked. Sometimes we do notice. We say, please help me. And the Buddha says, OK. Or we say, please help me. And the Buddha doesn't move. And we realize we've already been helped. Intimacy is where it's at, but one of the drawbacks of intimacy is nobody gets to have it.

[28:09]

It just is the way we are. And if you try to have it, that's touching. Thank you so much for another day of intimate entrustment. I hope you're as encouraged to practice the teaching of suchness as I am. Thank you for encouraging me. May our intention equally extend...

[28:59]

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