So this ancestor says, when I, a student of the Dharma, look at the real form of the universe, all is a never failing manifestation of the mysterious truth of Tathagata. In any event, in any moment, And in any place, none can be other than the marvelous revelation of the glorious light. This realization, so he just told us a realization. He's a student of the Dharma, and when he looks at the real form of things, he sees that everything is a revelation of the glorious light of the Buddha.

[01:07]

He sees that. He didn't say, but when he doesn't look at the real form, he may not see that everything is the revelation, the marvelous revelation of the glorious light of the Tathagata. Then he says, this realization made our founding teachers and virtuous Zen leaders extend tender care. With a heart of worshiping, The realization makes it possible to extend tender care and a heart of worshipping to everybody. We may try to extend tender care, but we may run into something that makes us feel like not

[02:20]

here, not for this. When we feel like that, that's because we have not received this revelation. With this revelation, our ancestors could do that. They could extend a heart, a worshipful heart to all beings because of the revelation. That's why we need realization in order to actually be compassionate to every being. Otherwise we might think, no, we should not be compassionate to those people, to that person. My leader, you know my leader? I think somebody has taught her to hate Donald Trump.

[03:22]

And I, when I see this, my leader, my leader, hating somebody, then I have the opportunity to extend a tender heart, a tender care with a worshipping heart to my leader who's hating. Now you may not be surprised to hear that I don't hate my leader when my leader hates. That doesn't surprise you probably, right? But I don't, I almost never hate my leader when my leader hates. And my leader does hate stinks. And now I hear she's found a new opportunity for hate.

[04:34]

Do I want a realization So that I can extend tender care and a worshipful heart to the people that my friends hate? Yes, I do. Of course I want to also extend tender care to my friends when they hate. When they hate themselves and when they hate others. That's what I... I want to do that. But I need realization in order to be consistent in that. I need this pivotal activity. I need to enter the pivotal activity of all Buddhas in order to be able to care for all events, every place, every time.

[05:47]

So far in this life, I can't think of an example where I regret extending tender care. I can't think of an example where I did and where I said, I'm sorry I did that. And I'll keep my eyes peeled. and see if I ever do extend tender care and feel like it was a mistake. Is there anything you want to say in our remaining time together this afternoon? Yes?

[06:59]

I think sending tender care to some people disarms them and, in my experience, can make them angry. Do you say it disarms them? Kind of. It can be disarming. That sounds good. Yes, but... Disarmament. It seems to make some people uncomfortable. Oh, uncomfortable. They can react with anger. First they get disarmed and then they get angry? Yeah. First they get disarmed and then they want to pick their arms up again? You've observed something like that, where it seems like you extend tender care and the person gets angry. Yes. I just thought of, I was riding with my leader's big brother one time. We were riding bicycles down the Green Gulch Road and he was ahead of me and I said, there's a speed bump coming up, slow down.

[08:08]

And he didn't slow down. And then he kind of fell off the bicycle. And when he first hit the street, he was kind of quiet. He didn't start complaining. He was pretty like, OK, I'll deal with this. But then he slid. And that's when the gravel started to get worked into his skin. And then he started to cry. And then I came over to him. And he said, I'll never ride a bicycle again. He was angry. And then I tried to help him. He said, don't touch me. I extended tender care. And he got kind of angry at me for offering it. If I had not extended tender care to him, he probably wouldn't have got angry at me.

[09:09]

But he was... I think he was afraid of his own pain. And he was afraid that if I touched him, it may be more pain. And it's possible. Anyway, I think he was afraid of his pain that he was feeling, and he was afraid that if I touched him, which he knew I was trying to help him, but still, I think he was afraid that there would be more pain. And so then we went back up to where his mother and grandmother were. And they also tried to, they also extended tender care to him. And he also said, don't touch me. And actually hurt his left arm. He said, don't touch the lefty. But he did see these people offering tender care, and he said, and he used anger to try to protect himself. And it was coming, I think, from fear of more pain.

[10:15]

So it does happen. But I don't regret that I offered that to him. But I didn't force it on him. When he said, don't touch me, I didn't. I said, okay. And when they said, when they offered him help, and he said, don't touch me, they said, okay. And then And then we let him be who he was. We continued to extend tender care, but not by offering to do anything other than let him be the way he was. And give him the time he needed before he would allow us to clean the wound. But it was fine. It was fine that he got angry at me and the bicycle. He got angry at bicycle riding. got angry at the bicycle, the road, and his grandfather who was going to help him. And then his mother and his grandmother got mad at everything because he was afraid of pain. And we, I think, I don't know, maybe we were not afraid of our pain because we felt pain for him.

[11:26]

But I don't think we were so afraid of it. And so we kept offering this. Yes. Yes. When I was younger, I felt like whenever somebody was offering me love and kindness and they didn't want to accept it, it was because I was upset with myself that I'd made a mistake. And everybody else knew that I had made a mistake. So I felt like the loving-kindness really had to do with me self-loathing, upset with myself that I didn't know better to stop or to slow down. And then I just kind of felt like rubbing it in. So it really was more about myself. Yeah, maybe he was embarrassed that he fell off the bike and hating himself and anybody helping him sort of accentuated that disappointment in himself.

[12:28]

Yeah. Yes. But then if you guys had not offered the compassion towards your grandson, then he would have felt like no one cared. He might have, but another way it could have happened, which is kind of the way it did happen, was I come over to him, and I might not have said anything like, can I help you? I just might have stood there. and just attended his whatever he was going through. I could have just been present. I'm not saying that would have been better, but then he wouldn't have had anything to reject.

[13:29]

Maybe he still could have found something to reject. No matter what I do, I could be rejected. Yeah, so there's really no way that we can be that somebody wouldn't be able to reject. But still, we could be offering ourselves without trying to get acceptance or rejection. That we could do. And that's what tender care is. It's not trying to get gratitude or whatever. Yes? It seems like it's not wasted. Like you're giving tender care and even though the person isn't really willing or able to accept it, you know, whenever, like let's say in the future, you look back, that it doesn't go wasted. Yeah. And then he got several other offers which he rejected, but then he started to accept them. But he had to go through that, and I thought we did a good job, and in this case it was not that difficult to make the initial offering, and it wasn't that difficult to make another offering when he rejected it.

[14:45]

It wasn't like, oh, you reject my offer? Well, see you later. It was like, OK, you can reject it. I can understand you don't want anybody to touch you. It wasn't that difficult. But there are some things that are really difficult, that are really challenging. And that's when we really need a lot of realization. With this realization, no matter what people throw at us, we come back with tender care. And then when they throw stuff at us, for that response, we come back again. No matter how much they torture us, we just come back with compassion. We need a realization to do that consistently. Yeah. So there's these two kind of stories in my mind that I remember. Sometimes tender care manifests in mysterious ways. I remember being a kid, and my sister and I had gotten ice cream cones, and I spilled mine, and started crying.

[15:55]

I was really unhappy. My sister felt for me, so she spilled hers, too. And I felt better. I'm not suggesting you crash your bicycle, too. But sometimes... But that would have been pretty cool. Yeah. But he might have thought I was teasing him. But that's okay, because if I was doing it like, hey you crash, watch me. The other one is, Robin's question made me think of it, because sometimes you're kind to someone and it's disarming, and then they get scared because they don't have their arms anymore, and they want to re-arm. This one's tough. I don't know if I'm good at this one, but sometimes I see people

[16:56]

try to be try to extend tender care by almost you know rearming people like like ah darn that speed bump or something to be there with the person who's mad at the speed bump and even though it's I don't know, maybe it's not the best thing to cheer them on at being mad at the thing, but it does find some way of meeting them where they're at and being able to connect with them. So, that one's a little more tricky. Yeah, I was talking to someone about that just a little while ago. I guess if somebody hits the speed bump and then they get mad at the speed bump, you might be able to empathize with them and say, I can see why you would hit that speed bump. They didn't have to have a speed bump there. Whatever. That's like, I can see how you get angry at it. And then there is this thing called... The example I was thinking of was somebody's afraid of something.

[18:06]

And a lot of times when people are afraid of something, people who care for them sometimes tell them that there's nothing to be afraid of. Rather than either, I can understand how you're afraid, but sometimes you don't understand why they're afraid. But you do see that they're afraid. So I think compassion is more like hearing that they're afraid, And not saying that there's nothing to be afraid of. And empathy is more like, I do understand why you feel afraid. But the empathy is slightly different from just listening to it. And listening to it is, I think, the main thing. Because you can listen even if you don't have empathy. Even if you're not afraid of it. you can listen to that person is afraid, and that listening is what creates an ocean of blessing.

[19:15]

And there's a slight difference between saying, there's nothing to be afraid of, and just listening to, I hear that you're afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of, and some of these teachings too, you can use them to, what's the word, bypass the fear. Like somebody's afraid, and rather than listen to it, you do something so that they see that there's nothing to be afraid of. But to have that be not a bypass, you have to first listen to it. And then you can say, there's nothing to be afraid of, once they feel heard. And also, if I see this as nothing to be afraid of, I can do a spiritual bypass on myself, because I don't want to feel their fear. I don't have to feel their fear, I can just listen to it, and then maybe I can also feel it empathically.

[20:25]

The realization is what facilitates this kind of compassion. So that realization kind of ties to finding an appropriate response? The realization enables the appropriate response. The appropriate response comes from understanding that what you're looking at is not separate from you. That this other person is actually a deceptive version of yourself. It's really yourself in a form that looks like somebody else. But you're not separate from this thing. If you're separate from it, then the appropriate response is kind of obscured by this abiding in this appearance that this is another person.

[21:32]

If you don't abide in the, it can still appear like it's another person and that they're separate, but if you don't abide in it, you can leave it as it is. Like, you can say to yourself, I hear that you think that they're separate. But you're not abiding in that. Nope. Then the appropriate response comes. Which is generosity. ethical conduct, patience, diligence, samadhi, and the wisdom's already there. I sure wish for that. Pardon? I said I sure wish for that. I wish for it too. I wish for the appropriate response. In other words, I wish for the effort that frees all beings. So appropriate response in this case is the response that's apropos of liberating beings so they may realize peace.

[22:39]

And that response comes from not abiding in what seems to be happening and also not circumventing it because Abiding in what's happening is stressful and frightening. So then you might think, OK, let's just get away from this. Let's not abide. But non-abiding is not not abiding. It's being in a place where abiding and not abiding are pivoting on each other. Yes? How about in dealing with one's own fear, Same. Listen to it. Yeah. The conversation I was talking about, about meeting other people's fear and not trying to talk them out of it, but listen to it. No matter how, you know, like if they're afraid of something that's definitely never going to happen, you can tell them that it's never going to happen.

[23:46]

But I don't recommend that. I recommend listen to them tell you about something they're afraid of that you know will never happen. Still listen to their fear. And listening to their fear creates this ocean of blessing. But really, this example came using somebody else as an example of how you should do it with yourself. You shouldn't talk yourself out of your fear. You know, like, you're afraid of somebody, you tell yourself, there's nothing to be afraid of, there's nothing to be afraid of. Walking around like that is not compassion. And also, it isn't to say there is something to be afraid of, there is something to be afraid of. I wouldn't do that either. I would just listen to, somebody here is afraid, there's fear here. And then can I listen to that? Totally. And a lot of people can't get the hang of it on themselves, so I say, well, imagine a child.

[24:57]

And then I watch them do it with a child in the conversation, and I notice that they try to talk the child out of it sometimes. So don't try to circumvent it, and don't try to reinforce it, just listen to it. And the same with yourself. Don't try to circumvent your fear, and don't reinforce it. Don't say there's nothing to be afraid of, and don't say there is something to be afraid of. That's down the line, that kind of talk. First aid is listen to it, or observe it. So we have a room upstairs where there's these statues of bodhisattvas, and they're bodhisattvas whose name is listen. to the cries, observe the suffering. And that's all they are. They're nothing more than that. They're just listening to the suffering. And that listening creates the world of blessing.

[26:02]

And it's inside and outside. And those two are inseparable. But sometimes people can't do it this way, so let's try it this way. Or they can't do it this way, so try it this way. Try this side of the pivot, and then you can do the other side of the pivot. And that listening is possible with realization And that listening, if the realization isn't there, the listening develops blessings so that the realization can come forth. And when the realization is there, then this kind of listening is a natural response to everything. In the meantime, I can train myself by basically watching myself listening and see if it is wholehearted and welcoming feedback

[27:08]

on whether I seem to be wholeheartedly listening or not. Inviting feedback. Did I listen to you just now? And then somebody says, nope. And see if I can welcome that. But sometimes I may be noticed without even asking. I think I've kind of held back my listening just then. I think I tried to talk the person out of it. or divert, circumvent this suffering that was being offered to me. So, if I notice that, then I practice confession. I confess I tried to circumvent the suffering which you just offered me. I tried to get around it, tried to ignore it, tried to distract myself from listening to it. or I tried to talk you out of it. I confess it and I'm sorry.

[28:09]

And this confession of our lack of faith in listening and our apologizing for our lack of faith in practicing listening melts away the root of transgressing away from this kind of listening. And this is pure, this is a simple practice It's simple, but it's not easy. It's not easy to notice when we feel like we didn't really listen, and then notice whether we feel sorry about it, and if we do, say so. But that simple practice is the true body of faith, the true mind of faith, for bodhisattvas. Once again, thank you so much for another great day.

[29:14]

I'm glad I came. I'm so glad I've never regretted coming to these cities.

[29:26]

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