So I would like someone to say something. We have our two blondes here, I don't know your names. Blonder than I. I could say something and give you some time. Yeah. Ich habe in der Pause ein bisschen mit diesem Begriff des Aufmerksamkeitspunktes gespielt und dem Selbstpunkt. Und ich würde ihn jetzt gerne fragen, inwiefern das ein Punkt ist. Also mein Gefühl war, dass das, insofern das ein Punkt ist,

[01:02]

is a point, a focus, in which lines run together. I've noticed that I can't connect to this concept or to this exercise without at the same time getting a feeling that a whole field is focusing on it. I'd like to clarify your use of the word of attentional point or self-point and why you're focusing it as a point. And I've been, since you brought it up actually in Hannover, but particularly this lunch break, I've been experimenting with it a bit and I have some kind of senses so I can set a focus. And it is, it's like, it is a kind of point, but a point in which an entire field is focused through. So it has the quality of the entirety of a particular field.

[02:06]

And I'm just wondering if that's something you would say, otherwise, I have some difficulty with the word point itself. Well, we could say a point is a way to move a field around. The central part of traditional practice is to be able to, as I've said many times, be able to let your attention rest in a way that it stays wherever it's placed. That's an experience of a kind of making a kind of point.

[03:11]

But it's not like It's not like a flashlight that has a small beam that lands somewhere. It's like a flashlight maybe that lights the whole room. Yes. Sorry. I have two questions. The first question has to do with the obstacle and the second question has to do with it again, I say now also attention.

[04:18]

Obstacle. I always have the impression that this obstacle so big that it almost brings me to the edge of despair. It is as if I wanted to hold on to this grain of sand, as if I didn't want to let it fall through further. And it is really like this, that the desperation always goes to the extreme, And I don't even know what prevents me from letting go of this grain of sand. I don't know, but it's always really up to the extreme. And at some point, and I don't even know what determines that or what causes it, the grain of sand finally falls.

[05:25]

And then I'm the happiest person in the world. Okay, that's it. Thank you. I have two questions. The first one is about hindrance. I have an image as though hindrance is something, first of all, that pushes me to the edge of despair. I have this image of a clock where sand falls through. Yeah, an hourglass. Like an hourglass. And there's a grain of sand that wants to fall through that hourglass. And it's as though I'm constantly keeping that grain of sand from falling. And when it does finally fall, then I'm the happiest person alive, but it's as though I'm holding it to the edge of, until the edge of despair.

[06:34]

Goodness sakes, you'd better stop this. That's the question. Well, you see the problem. You can either try to analyze what it's about and where it comes from, etc. Or you can formulate some kind of simple thing like release. And you try to get in the habit of releasing things. and see if in your immediate situation without understanding it but just seeing the problem you can find a way to create a releasing Because it's you doing it, right?

[07:51]

So if you're holding it, you can release it. Okay. The second question has something to do with it. What does one bring to appear? And sometimes I have the impression that I am just doing such a task, which brings me back exactly to such a situation, that I want to hold on to something and that I should let it go. And the second question is how do you bring something into appearance? And that again has to do with the sense of how I'm trying to bring something into appearance but at the same time I should be releasing it too. And that's like a task that I'm posing myself.

[08:52]

Well, appearance is always happening. But one can be more present for that, for appearance. But you can't usually make something appear. You can allow it. And that allowing is also a releasing. But if you want to accomplish something, you have a problem. The debt practitioner doesn't want to accomplish anything. Der fortgeschrittene Praktizierende möchte gar nichts erreichen. You receive and you release and you receive and you release and this is good enough. What else does one need to do? Du empfängst und dann lässt du los und du empfängst und lässt los.

[10:07]

Und das ist gut genug. Was bräuchte man sonst? If it turns into a poem, good. If it doesn't, good. Wenn sich das in ein Gedicht verwandelt, großartig. Und wenn nicht, auch gut. Sie schreibt ja Gedichte. Christine? Love in life and consciousness are not as important for them as being loved or to love. And I see this question, it is higher, it is understood that the most important thing is consciousness and love, consciousness and love.

[11:08]

But for them it is very bad, they just want to go. It seems to be the highest goal for the two of us. For me it is not, but consciousness combined with love, but not the romantic life, but with this open mind and open heart. It is the best thing for me in my life. I have an observation which I would like your opinion upon, and that's I have two people who are very close to me in my immediate surroundings that are prone to committing suicide. in both of their cases the problem is that they don't feel love they don't feel loved and don't have someone to love and that for them the quality of love takes such a high precedence that without that it doesn't seem worthwhile living to them and um

[12:30]

To me, for example, it wouldn't be that way, the quality of being aware. That takes very high precedence in my life, maybe combined with the feeling of love, a heartfelt sense of connecting. But I'm wondering, maybe that's just a question of wanting things... to have a certain place or order, I'm wondering, in Zen, what's the place for love or the quality of love in Zen? Zen doesn't emphasize love in the way it's often emphasized in Christian European cultures. What's emphasized is acceptance and connectedness and

[13:34]

A willingness to do whatever the person needs. And a patience, a kind of... Like in the six paramitas, the patience and energy are kind of a unit. It's like the simultaneity of surrendering and freely using. So there's a patience which is... simultaneously readiness or exertion. So again, since practice is a craft, it's you have

[14:56]

You have genuine feelings for these two women, is it? These two women? And they know each other? No. And at least from my point of view, the best you can do is to be with them in a sense of... I mean, unless you're trying and you're a therapist or something, you're trying to help them. But you can be with them as fully as possible and accepting them as fully as possible. And if they commit suicide, they do. We all have this choice. I know my sister committed suicide.

[16:32]

And what was important was that she felt I could handle it. She felt I could accept it. So I certainly didn't want her to commit suicide. But And maybe with more skills and sensitivity and I'd be less busy in my own case, I might have changed the course. But for many years she was in the process of attempts. And finally she came to live where I lived in San Francisco. And basically asked me permission. I said no, but I said yes.

[17:33]

So again, all I can say is the more you can, I feel, the more you can be present for somebody with an acceptance that's not quite the same as attachment. Acceptance is bigger than attachment. Acceptance allows everything to happen. And perhaps that gives them the space to decide to live. But Those of you here who are therapists must face this fairly often. Angela, what would you say? I was thinking of a woman who committed suicide half a year ago.

[19:02]

And she committed suicides, although she had really good sex with her boyfriend the same morning. And gave me the permission she needed. A friend of hers committed suicide a year or two before. When I heard about it, I hadn't seen her for half a year. I asked myself why she didn't come. But it was clear to me that she didn't want to commit suicide. Then I wrote to my parents that I was of the opinion that they had to accept it. And she has had these thoughts for quite a while and I hadn't seen her for half a year at the time when she committed suicide. But she had a friend who has committed suicide a year before her and I also knew that she was involved, was thinking about it all the time.

[20:23]

I was wondering why I hadn't seen her for so long. It was clear that she didn't seek help. And I did write a letter to the parents that I thought one would have to accept this. Anybody else want to say something? I wish I could do something. You know, I just did this seminar in Hannover. And I each year come here after recent years, after the Highlander Seminar.

[21:25]

And I come here because of my connection with most of you. And I think as Gerald and Jörg would say, More than I usually do, these two days have been a continuation and furthering of the seminar in Hannover. And it's continued in a way that it wouldn't have if I had come to see some other group. But I'm... But... And so I feel the specificity, particularity of each of you, all of you,

[22:28]

But why is it so important for me to hear from you? Because I don't want to be talking into the air. And I think maybe I'm getting to the point where I'm talking which expects too much practice from you, real zazen and so forth. So I mean, my inclination is, or I'm thinking about, maybe limiting teaching now to a few people that I have been practicing with for many years. And it looks like there's good reasons for me to not do Hanover next year.

[23:55]

So I'm wondering whether, I mean, the more I feel that you're engaged and and add something explicit to the seminar, I feel I should do this. If you don't, then I feel probably I shouldn't do this in the future. But not a criticism of any of you. It's just that I am sort of getting old. I pretend I get younger every year.

[25:00]

And to some extent I am getting younger every year. Because I'm recovering from the cancer and the radiation treatment still. But I want to be, in the few years I have left, as fully engaged with practitioners as I can be. So I really put myself on a limb when I do this. And I'd like you to make the same kind of effort and really look at and share with us to what extent this makes sense to you. And it's useful to you.

[26:17]

Because if I'm not clear it's useful to you, I'm not going to do it anymore. So you have to convince me. Let's have a break. What? Can I take you guys home with me? You have the bus fare.

[26:42]

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