A friend who is not sure where his voice is, can you hear me up there? Wonderful. Can you hear me, Darren? Fabulous. It's quarter past twelve, I guess you're getting hungry to eat your lunch. It's the second of January and this is a special day when some people are bringing their written documents

[01:05]

to wish their teacher well in the coming year and to thank their teacher for teachings last year and request their teacher to teach in the coming year. And I have a big folder full of last year's requests which I have treasured in 2010. When I look at these handwritten documents, generally handwritten, some are graphically designed on computers, but mostly handwritten, beautiful expressions of the deep desire to have the Buddha Dharma in our life, to open our hearts to the teaching. And now again we begin the process and it just came up in my mind, one thing came up in my mind was,

[02:15]

this year one of my projects is to read, not complete necessarily, probably not, a rather long novel written in the early part of the last century by a French person named Marcel Proust. And I started to read out loud, out loud. It's actually recommended by Proust scholars to read it out loud, to accept that you have to slow down. It's such a long book and you have to slow down to read it. And so reading it out loud is recommended by those experts in the book. And something struck me just the other day, yesterday or the day before,

[03:18]

he said, it's like the melancholy feeling of cleaning up after a gay party. Do you know that feeling? It's a feeling that a lot of people have yesterday, I guess. They were cleaning up these dirty rooms full of junk. Bottles, dirty plates, cigarettes, shoes, necklaces, various things laying around in disorder, in a very unattractive form. Somebody has to clean up. But before that there was a gay party. People were having a ball with bright lights and high spirits. And then there's a cleanup. The party ends, people get tired out,

[04:22]

and then not only do they get tired out and go home in various states to rest or watch football, but somebody cleans up. When's the next party going to be? Well, the funny thing is that now we're planning another party right away. It's only January 2nd and we're getting ready to organize another gay party. A gay party of another year of joyful practice. We just finished a year of practice. We're going to do another one now? That was hard, that last one. I just did all that practice and I barely have time to iron my robes and put my scriptures back on the shelf. And now we're going to start again another year of wholehearted devotion to the Buddha way?

[05:25]

Is that possible? Apparently it is. May our good health continue so that we can practice the Buddha way together. So that we can find the kind of commitment we want to make in this life. Or search for it and find it and express it and be clear about it. And see who else is making commitments and what they are, and what their commitments have to do with our commitments, and what our commitments have to do with their commitments. Now is the time to look at these things and try to clarify it before the year is over. Matter of fact, even before the week is over, so we can go to work.

[06:26]

And have this wonderful party of practice. I was talking to somebody who was having difficulty with her relationship with somebody she's married to. I wasn't the person she was married to. But she was having difficulty with the person she's married to. And I said, but it sounds to me like you really want to be intimate with this person. That you're really committed to that. But you're not sure that he is or she is. I think the first step, I said, is to clarify what his commitment is, what he's committed to.

[07:34]

And then, the big one comes, is don't expect him to follow through on his commitment. That's what I say. Not everybody agrees with me. I'm bucking the tide of this world. I'm bucking the tide of control your partner, which is really a strong tide. Control your partner, control yourself, control your children, control your parents, and control your enemies. I think that's disrespectful to try to control people, to control living beings. And I don't know where living beings stop. So I wish, I am committed, again, to another year of being devoted to beings that I can't control. Like you.

[08:38]

Like you. I can't control you. I can't control your moods, your intentions, your commitments. However, you have made great commitments, many of you, and are on the verge of making a new set of great commitments. Which I think is very beautiful, and very moving, and encourages me on the path of not trying to control you, into following the commitments which you're so beautifully about to make. I do not expect you to practice the Bodhisattva precepts. There may be other teachers around who will expect you to. If you want somebody to expect you to, they're probably easy to find. But I predict that they'll all give up on you.

[09:40]

I, however, since I don't expect you to practice these precepts, will never give up on you. There's hardly anything I can imagine more beautiful than someone who's committed to the gay party of compassion for all beings. What a lovely party. How beautiful that you want to do that. But I don't expect that you're going to. Therefore, I continue to want you to. And want to help you do what you have sometimes in the past wanted to do. Thank you. Thank you.

[10:55]

It occurs to me that this practice of sitting still, and standing still, and walking still, and reclining still, are great opportunities for us to look and see what the ultimate concern, what the final concern of this life is for us today. And to see if it's clear what that is. And to see that there are some conflicting intentions swirling around the ultimate concern. I don't think the ultimate concern is, even though it's radiant and warm and inconceivably wonderful,

[12:37]

it's not without opposition. Or I should say, it's not without conflict. Our great compassion lives in a world where there sometimes is thoughts of something other than compassion. And the clearer, well I don't know, it may be that the clearer I get about my wish to be compassionate, the more clear I am also about that there's at least one conflicting emotion living right nearby. And that conflicting emotion, of course, deserves wholehearted compassion. If you don't see any conflict in your mind towards the great vows that you, towards the great requests that you make of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas,

[13:39]

your eyes are not yet fully open. And if you see some conflict, I'm suggesting do not be discouraged by that conflict. Realize that you actually are clear-eyed, if you can see that. If someone says, I want to do good, and they see no conflict, I don't think they're being realistic. However, I hear them, and I would encourage them to keep looking at this wonderful intention. Thank you.

[15:11]

So those of you who have come here today and brought documents where you have asked me to teach, then I would now say again, try to be clearer with me about how you wish me to function with you. And be clear with me about how you wish for me to assist you in the practice that you wish to devote yourself to in the coming year. I invite this, and this makes my job not exactly easier, but more efficacious. I would be more likely to fulfill my role of assisting you if I'm clear about what you want me to assist you with and how you want me to do it.

[16:21]

It doesn't mean I'll do it the way you want me to, but it helps me do it in an efficacious way if I know how you do want me to do it. So then I can tell you I don't want to do it that way, for example. That's very helpful, I think, for you to know that what you're asking for, I don't agree to. That will help you get the help that you need. So now it's even later than quarter past twelve, and we may be even hungrier than we were before. But still, I want to briefly say that I'm very happy that you can hear me. And I also invite you to offer any feedback that you'd like to offer at this time in your life, at this moment.

[17:26]

Darren? Could I say something, Darren? Can you hear, Darren? Some people up there can't hear you, could you speak up? Darren? I'd like to give my thanks for acknowledging the conflict present with compassion and a vow. I'm somewhat of a novice to the vows myself. I find myself mindful about to what extent I can fully commit myself to living, say, five precepts. Could you hear that? Okay. Well, again, I have some feedback on that. Did you say something to examine how fully I can practice the five precepts? So you might say, how fully can I practice non-killing? If I say that to myself, it's not that I'm actually trying to figure out how fully can I practice non-killing,

[18:47]

but that I'm asking that question to meditate on the practice of non-killing. I'm not going to be able to find out how fully I can do that practice. Hello? Does someone have something to say? You have a question? Oh, non-killing, yeah. So, there's a precept called not-killing or non-killing. That's one of the five precepts. I think the question, how fully can I practice that, is a good question, but that's not a good question. For me, it's not a good question to then figure out how fully I can do it. I think that's a little bit of a distraction to try to figure out how fully I can do it. But how fully can I do it is one way to be intimate with that precept. Another way would be, I want to practice not-killing.

[19:53]

I want to realize what not-killing is. I want to realize the reality of not-killing. I want to make not-killing real in my life. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. Or, it's a wondrous thing, this precept, and I wonder if I can participate with it. Not that I'm going to figure it out. I suggest that that could distract yourself from the precept. Like, if you're looking at somebody, you could say, I wonder if I could be this person's friend. That could help you pay attention to him, or that could distract you from him. In some ways, it might be better. It might be good to say, how can I help this person? Or, I wonder how I can help this person. But it might also be good to say, who is this person? Because then I might look at them. But if I say, how can I help them? I might look away a little bit from them.

[20:54]

So, if you can say, how can I help them without getting distracted? How can I practice this precept? How can I practice this precept fully? If you can ask that question without, what did you say? Without, what's the word? Without flinching, without wiggling when you ask that question. How can I practice not killing? How can I practice the five precepts fully? And see if you can ask that question without getting distracted from the five precepts when you ask it. Otherwise, it might be good to be quiet and just look at them without saying anything. And then when you're quiet and still with them, then say, okay, here we go. Hello, non-killing. What are you? Where are you? Who are you? Want to do that? Your hand is raised, I call on you.

[21:58]

Darren. I like being present with it and I like that idea of not being distracted by thinking about how to do it. And I find myself being present with it at times when I'm noticing that there's a violation or what I see to be a violation. For example, I might be walking and... So you find yourself present with, for example, the Bodhisattva precept of not killing. You find yourself present with it. You're reminded of it when you see a violation. I might be walking and I'll notice that my foot is about to step on an ankle, okay? Right. And it's that moment where there's this awareness that, oh, I hate this is about to happen. Yes. And so much to the inevitability that, you know, it's so much to, like, that the body's in motion, it's a happening thing.

[23:00]

And all my hope of what's going to happen right now. Yes. Yeah, that kind of observation is often part of practicing this precept. Is to notice, if my foot goes over there, it seems to me that there's going to be killing of an ant. If I step on that ant, that looks like, to me, that looks kind of like killing an ant. So I would like to try to not step there, actually. Or, sometimes people think, actually I want to step and I want to kill the ant. Some people think that. They actually want to kill ants. And some of the people who want to kill ants are people who also want to practice the precept of not killing ants. There's quite a few people like that. That want to practice not killing, and then they have thoughts like, I'd like to kill this particular thing here. And then they feel there's some stress there, or sorrow. And that's part of the practice.

[24:02]

That's part of what leads to understanding not killing, is to notice that part of you wants to realize not killing. Realize the reality of it, and wants to not do what you think is killing. You want to do what you think is killing. This is part of the work. It's part of the work. It's normal to have this problem. And in some ways you might say that the more you're able, the more minutes and days that go by when you pass up on opportunities to kill ants, the more you pass up on those opportunities, the more bright and subtle your mind becomes. And the more you see other opportunities to violate these precepts, which you maybe also do not act on,

[25:11]

and the more you don't act on them, the more you see opportunities to violate them. And in other words, you become more aware of the fragility of the Buddha mind, and the life of the Buddha mind. The life of Buddha's wisdom is not killing. And not killing is surrounded by the illusion of killing, which we must face if we wish to realize the life of Buddha's wisdom, which is not to kill. Life is not killing. That's what life really is.

[26:13]

So, you are committed to study that precept, is that right? Great. Any other feedback before lunch? Yes, Silvia? I observed that lying is a sort of killing. Lying is a sort of killing, yes. And killing is a sort of lying. All these precepts include the others. Lying is misuse of sexuality. Killing is misuse of sexuality. Lying is slander. Killing is slander. All these bodhisattva prohibitive precepts include the others. Killing is disparaging the triple treasure. Lying is disparaging the triple treasure. Lying is being possessive.

[27:19]

Lying is taking what's not given. And so on. They're all resonating with each other, giving us assistance to realize the Buddha mind, the Buddha's wisdom. So, let's consider whether we want to spend our precious life being mindful of these precepts, without expecting that we'll be able to do it, even though we really would like to right now. How wonderful that we want to. How wonderful that we can continue to want to, even though we aren't sure if we are able to. Or even though we think we're not doing it now. But that's, again, cleaning up after the gay party of committing to the bodhisattva precepts.

[28:25]

Afterwards, there's a mess to clean up. And then, after we clean the mess up, we can have another party. Oh yeah, let's have another bodhisattva precept party. Now that we've cleaned up the mess after the last one. The mess being, yeah, the consequences of the last one. Because of my not complete attention, not everybody at this party washed their champagne glass when they were done. Not everybody at this party licked their plate or washed it when they were finished. Some people were even smoking cigarettes and putting them out on the carpet. They said they wanted to come and be good guests, but they didn't actually take care of the party place. Now somebody else has to clean up after them. And this is the bodhisattva work. Clean up after the mess. Clean up the room. Get it all ready for another party. Another commitment party.

[29:27]

Like we're having here today. Any other pre-lunch comments? Can not killing be considered as not being? Yes. Yes. Yes. It could be. But it also could be considered as being. However, not killing is neither being nor non-being. Non-killing is reality. And reality doesn't fall into being or not being. The reality is the middle way. Free of existence and non-existence.

[30:31]

Not killing is the middle way. Not stealing is the middle way. Not killing is inconceivable. Ungraspable. But we can realize it. But we're not going to realize it unless we want to. And unless we give our lives to it. And if we do want to and we do give our lives to it, we will realize it. We will realize the middle way if we give our life to it. But the middle way and the Bodhisattva precepts are free of existence and non-existence. That's the middle way. Free of those extremes. This is our wonderful middle way. The wonderful way we really are is the middle way. We don't exclude existence, we don't exclude non-existence, and we don't grasp either in our middle way.

[31:43]

In our Bodhisattva middle way. And those who are devoted to the welfare of all beings need this middle way in order to be devoted. Because if you get into existence or non-existence, you get pooped out and will give up the life of compassion. One of our precious members is going to have a big operation day after tomorrow. And I request that you join me in a well-being ceremony for this person. Which I'd like to do in a few minutes if you're willing. This person is wearing a blue jacket and a blue raksu and he's smiling.

[32:57]

No, he's laughing. So day after tomorrow he's having an operation and so we want to wish him well. So shall we do the ceremony now? So you can just stand up where you are, sort of, and make some room for me to get in front of the altar. And since we're so crowded here, we can do standing bows.

[33:30]

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