It was suggested that it might be good for members of our group to express something about how they have been practicing the teachings of this class in daily life. Those of you who I had telephone numbers for, many of you I called, some of you I didn't have telephone numbers for. So, again, I invite everyone who wishes to actually, if possible, come up here and sit down here so that this recording device can pick up your voice and share how you've been

[01:09]

practicing with these teachings or others during this summer, which the light is showing us is maturing, the sun is maturing. Please, Carmen. I had two thoughts that I thought I would share this evening. First is, a couple of weeks ago we were talking about working with different forms and I realized, it might seem a little obvious, but I realized that as difficult as it is

[02:13]

to work with the forms of relationships with other people, it's even harder for me to work on the relationship with myself. It turns out I'm kind of difficult to work with. I've known that for a long time, but it just came up again and the realization was renewed listening to the teaching. I've been working with the idea of, it's really even more difficult to work on relationships with other people, difficult relationships with other people, if I don't practice more working with myself first. That's my first thought. The other is that last week's teaching and discussion thoroughly scrambled my brain.

[03:15]

I was trying to work with that a little bit and try to understand what you talked about a little bit more. I may be missing something important, so I wanted to see if how I'm thinking about this is along the lines of what you're trying to teach. I was having trouble with the idea of tangible things not being real. I heard you say that the Buddha said, things exist if you have a mother and a father. Things do exist. Then I was thinking about the term real. For me, I was able to work with it more if I changed that word to truth rather than real. For example, I'm able to think about that there is no truth.

[04:21]

Maybe there is no truth that we can all view the same thing or event or experience and have as many different perceptions of what the truth is about what we experienced as there are people in the room. I'm able to work with that, but I feel like there's probably missing something else. How do you work with what you see? How do you work with that? How do you practice with what you see? Depending on what it is, I have an easier time practicing with things that are challenging me than things that feel good.

[05:22]

The things that feel good, I can just pretend like that's very real and it feels good. The things that are challenging to me, then I try to remind myself that it's challenging because I'm part of the picture. Like I said, I'm one of the forms that I have to work with because it influences how I experience things, and so the stories I tell myself about myself playing to the picture and then the stories I tell myself about what's happening and what the other people's role in what's happening is, they're all things that I tell myself and any part of that could be not true. One thing I heard you say was, maybe you said something like, it's challenging because I'm involved in it. Did you say something like that?

[06:23]

That's part of the puzzle. It's kind of a puzzle because everything you see, to some extent, is you. And also you are, to some extent, everything you see. Because it's colored by my perception, so my perception is being projected onto everything. You could say it's because of your projections on everything, and also that what you are is in time and is in a world. And being aware of that is more challenging than just thinking, this feels good, or that person is lovely, they're so nice, rather than,

[07:29]

but then if they're so nice and then you realize, well, that's actually me, to some extent. I mean, right now that's what I am, is this nice person. Or, the niceness of this person is my experience. And when it's pleasant, you maybe not notice that ambiguity. But maybe when it's unpleasant, you might say, well, I'm already having a hard time, I might as well open to how complex it is, too. Since I'm having a hard time, it might as well be a puzzle. But if it's pleasant, maybe I don't need it to be a puzzle. It can just be actually pleasant. So, a part of what I hear you saying is that you opened to

[08:35]

that the way of knowing yourself is through others, and also the way to know others is through yourself. So it's not just that what we know of as others is our projection of them. Others aren't our projection, but how we know them is we know them through our projections, and generally to hold to our projections as them. But also, we ourselves are the others upon which we make projections in order to know them. That's the only way we can be. And that's quite complex, or you could say, scrambling certain perspectives, like the perspective that we're separate. It's our problem that we think that,

[09:44]

but when we open to some of the consequences of not being separate, then things are more unclear and challenging. How do you feel about the challenge? Are such challenges... It depends on the day. It depends on the what? The day. It depends on the day. It depends on the time. And it depends on the world. How you feel about this challenge depends on things. How do you feel right now, at this time, in this world? At this moment in this world, I feel good about understanding this little piece. Thank you.

[10:46]

Thank you. Please come. Could you bring a chair and put it over here? Thank you. Kim, could you bring that? Thanks. Thank you. Please. I think I've understood every... Intellectually, all of the teachings and the classes. And where I've been working is,

[11:48]

probably right from the beginning, is the idea of generosity, carefulness and patience. And it's been very, very good for me to be that with people who I'm normally impatient with, people who talk a lot. I usually just say, I don't want to be around this person because they're talking so much. And so that's where I've been attempting to practice and listen to them and see them for the first time in who they are. Just transient. Oh, this is somebody I don't know yet. Okay. That's it.

[13:05]

Thank you. I play the role of grandfather to a 12-year-old boy. And when he was younger, he used to talk to me much more than he does now. He used to just talk non-stop with me, usually. I noticed I talked, when I was with him, I talked more than with anybody else in terms of back and forth. But it was mostly just answering his questions and saying, uh-huh and yes. So people who talk a lot, maybe it's good to try to find some way to, not exactly talk a lot, but sort of talk a lot when they're talking a lot by getting into kind of a dance with them. Saying, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. So they're swinging a rope,

[14:12]

to get in there with them. Because otherwise it's kind of not very lively for you. You could even ask them, I sometimes ask people, could you slow the rope down a little bit? Could you talk more slowly? Or more loudly? Could you take your time, to not rush to the next, could you make some pauses for me to jump in? So it's not so much you're telling them to talk less, but you're asking them to make some space for you to participate. But that's a challenge to learn that. Yes, please come. I was working, I've been working with the forms.

[15:31]

Could you speak a little louder? I've been working with the forms, trying to bring compassion, relaxation, playfulness, and creativity. And I realized the most challenging time to do that is when I'm in what I call fight-flight. When my nervous system is animal. And I sat here last week, I have to ask Greg, I have to ask Greg, what do you do when your nervous system is in fight-flight and you can't access compassion, relaxation, playfulness, and creativity? And by the end of the night, I answered myself, you bring compassion, playfulness, creativity, and relaxation to the animal. And that feels like a start. Very good, thank you.

[16:35]

I just thought also that, when she said that sounds like a start, it's really good to be starting all the time. Rather than, that's a start and then, I won't, after I get started, I won't be at the start for a while, because I'll move. Try to start all the time. Try to make every moment a new start. Don't get so advanced that you're far away from the start. Please come. So, I've been working with trying to hold...

[17:51]

Could you speak up? I've been working with trying to hold all of the teachings and doing that by creating images for myself, because I find the teachings really rich and complex and hard to hold all together. So, working with images helps me to do that. So, I've been working in that way. And also trying to use the title of the class, because in the last series, I think, there was mention of a tradition of meditating on the titles of the classes. Is she speaking loudly enough? No. A little bit louder, please. She mentioned that she heard about the practice of meditating on titles of classes or titles of books.

[18:54]

So... Facing change, realizing peace. I've been trying to work with that. And the very first metaphor from the first class kind of captured me with the road and the river. Bringing generosity through sensing responsibility. I think that's the main thing I've been working with personally in my relationship, my primary relationship, which has difficult areas because we live in different places. And so, that's kind of the main area I've been working with. And the images I've developed over the series of the classes

[19:58]

are kind of the road. This has changed over time, but right now it's the road having cracks in it where a flower comes up through the cracks and the flower sends its roots down through the cracks of the road, which is the constructed road of what is given in our lives. And the roots go down into the water of the river. So, it works for me because when I meditate or try to feel the sense of responsibility, then I feel like I can connect with something that's expansive. And I feel like generosity then comes up and can flower. And the expansiveness feels connected to peace.

[20:59]

And I brought this up because I've also been looking at this beautiful book, Zen Circles of Enlightenment. And there's actually no interpretations of these. There's just lots and lots and lots of them described. So, there's kind of the unknown there, but they're very beautiful and peaceful, I think. So, I'm working with all of those images as a way to hold all the teachings that I don't think I'd be able to remember and keep on my mind otherwise. And so, this has been a very nice practice for me. And I want to say that I started this in the last series and created something by the end. And I brought some copies of what I made.

[22:01]

I have five extra copies. Thank you very much. Thank you. Jocelyn? Hi. Hi. Is that loud enough?

[23:03]

Is that loud enough? I'm new to here. So, I've actually been struggling with the road, river, cracks, analogy, kind of trying hard to put it into the words that I've known from other places. But I found the most, actually the most helpful was your description of driving here one day. And that seeing you apply, hearing you, how you apply that really brought that home. And so, as I drive, I've been watching what comes up.

[24:10]

And a lot. And so, that felt like a real gift. I wanted to send you an email, but I didn't have your email address. But one question I had about that. So, I was noticing the stories that I tell myself about which lane is better. And on and on about that. And what I would normally do is, oh, what an interesting story. And just let it go from there. And so, I'm a little curious about applying generosity and business and creativity. It's just a story. And I see that it's not true. This lane is not any better than any of the other lanes.

[25:14]

So, there's a story that this lane is better. Or this lane is faster. Yeah. Or this lane that I'm in is slow. This lane is slow. And also, if I stay in this lane, I may never get out of this lane. This may be the end of my life. This lane. Whereas, if I go on that lane, I might be able to do something besides drive. So, it's not. And generosity doesn't exactly say that. It doesn't really say this is not really true. Generosity welcomes the story. This lane is probably, I'll be happier in this lane than this lane. Generosity welcomes that story. Just like if you're riding with a child and they told you some story about driving.

[26:19]

Like they might say, I think it would be better if you let me drive. That would be a good idea. Or, you might be able to welcome their comments. Especially if they were really, you know, just everything they did you thought was adorable. Like they say, you're driving too fast, you're driving too slow. You're a bad driver, you're a good driver, you're the best driver, you're the worst driver. You just say, oh, this is this darling person talking. They're speaking. How lovely to hear their voice. I'm so grateful to hear the sound of their voice. And you might think, well, they actually don't know what they're talking about. You might think that, but that's not really the most important thing. The most important thing is you love them. So, the storyteller, do you love the storyteller? Do you love the story?

[27:26]

Now, if you love the story, you may find out without telling yourself that, you may see and understand how it's just a story. And even so-called true stories are still just stories. They're still just constructions. They're constructions about what's going on. They're roads over something that is kind of unborn. We may not feel that our stories need attention like a baby we're taking care of. But some people are taking care of babies and don't think the babies need their attention. But I think our stories do need attention.

[28:28]

We do need our attention if we wish to be at peace. So, facing change means facing stories. And if we face stories with compassion, we can be at peace with stories. Not just at peace with true stories, and not just peace with, I don't know what, so-called untrue stories, but the untrue story is just a story that that story is untrue. Like, this week I didn't come to the yoga room. I went to Texas instead. This Thursday night I didn't come to the yoga room and meet you. That's a story I just told. And you probably think, well, he doesn't really mean that. He's just making that up just as an example of an untrue story. But it was a story, wasn't it?

[29:34]

Maybe I didn't complete it yet. And while I was not at the yoga room, I told a story about not being at the yoga room, and the people at the yoga room understood me. But I'm actually not at the yoga room now. I'm really not at the yoga room, honest. So can I be kind to that while I'm telling that story? And can you be kind to that story? Not believing it or disbelieving it. You may believe it or disbelieve it, but are you kind to it and yourself listening to it? So driving. Can we watch the story of the driving experience? Because we're actually driving through our story of driving. Another story about me driving is a year or so ago,

[30:40]

I bought this car that gets really good mileage, especially if you drive slowly. And then some of the people in the class noted that I was driving so slowly that it was like inconveniencing them. It's hard for them to drive down the street because of this guy that was driving so slowly. So I had this story that I was conserving gasoline and reducing carbon emissions. And they had a story that I was kind of causing trouble on the road. So can I be kind to their story as a compliment to my story of the way I was driving? And I have another story, which is that almost nobody thinks I drive too fast anymore. Maybe somebody thinks I do. So they say, no, you do drive too fast.

[31:42]

And can I welcome that story? And again, if I'm generous towards my stories, generosity to my story doesn't mean that I hold on to it as true. That's not really generous, to grip your stories as true or false. That's not really generous. Just, this is a story now, and I'm practicing generosity with the story now. And can you then practice generosity with the story a moment later when you move down the road? Can you continuously practice generosity as you're driving? And there's a story that wouldn't it be good, or it would be good, or I dream that it would be good if I could practice generosity consistently. Which is similar to, I think it would be good if I could practice concentration consistently.

[32:44]

And I think it would be good if I could practice wisdom consistently. So, if there's going to be constant practice of wisdom, I think there has to be constant practice of generosity. I think if generosity falls down, wisdom gets derailed. If generosity falls down, concentration is undermined. So, one could start, here's a story, to not hold on to, one could start by practicing generosity, trying to practice generosity continuously while driving. See if you can do that practice all the time when you're driving. That the driving, you're mindful that your driving is a gift, which you're giving and which you're receiving.

[33:46]

You're receiving the gift of your driving activity, and you're giving the gift of your driving activity. And you're also being generous towards your story that this is what's going on. And see if you can be continuous with that tonight when you drive away from this place, if you do. And maybe some of you won't be able to drive away because you'll sit in the car and just wait until you're ready to practice generosity for a long time. But you might wait. When you get in the car, just wait until you're kind of, again, like jumping a rope. I'm not quite ready to practice as generosity. I'm just going to wait here. Okay, now I can turn the car on as an act of generosity. And I can be generous towards the story of turning the car on.

[34:48]

And I can be generous towards the story of where I'm going, which is part of driving is having a story that you're going someplace. So be generous towards that aspect of it, too. So see if you can be continuously generous in the next driving you do. And I will try to. And then you move on to the other practices. And last night somebody mentioned that John Cage said, if you're trying to do something for two minutes and you find it boring, try it for four minutes. So if you try this generosity practice to your driving and you try it for a little while, or you try it long enough before you forget to do it,

[35:53]

and then if you find it boring and then think, well, now I want to stop, well, just reconsider and do it twice as long as you just did it. And if it's still boring, and you're still considering not practicing generosity, then do it twice as long as that. So that's another way to sort of dream yourself into, or imagine yourself into, continuous practice, even though you might find it boring to practice generosity towards the story of driving. That might not be entertaining, but if you keep working with it, it will become interesting eventually, according to John Cage. But he also keeps doubling it. He didn't just say, do it longer, he said, double it. So at a certain point you might say, I think rather than double it again, I'm just going to find it interesting. Okay, it's interesting.

[36:57]

So thank you for bringing the driving practice to us again. Can I ask one more question? Sure. I really appreciate you talking about that. I feel the love and kindness to the story. But there's a part, isn't it actually a little more interesting to just realize, wow, all of this is a story, but there's actually no better line that into, as I'm experiencing that, it's more coming from a place of awareness versus story. But I'm becoming aware of the story.

[38:00]

And to come to that place, it almost seems like as I was discovering that, so I was just seeing my story, and then I was noticing, so now I'm supposed to apply generosity, openness, and curiosity. That almost seemed to then take me away from what it is that I was noticing. Does any of that make sense? And what was it that you were noticing that you felt taken away from? What were you noticing? Well, not necessarily taken away from, but then it almost felt like I was now adding layers. So there was the awareness. Awareness of? Experiencing driving. Experiencing driving. And then noticing what my mind was telling me about driving.

[39:02]

Your awareness, you're aware of driving. By the way, driving is another story. Just driving is a story. I'm driving is a story. And then this lane is better is another story, so you're aware of the story of driving, and the story of some lanes are better than others, so you're aware of that. And then you said there were layers that took you away from that awareness. Okay, so noticing that. So I'm noticing stories. Interesting. Or not even interesting, I'm noticing stories. Okay. But then to apply, it felt like I was applying generosity or openness. What if I just let go of the story? Well, I would say if you let go of the story, that would be generosity. Generosity is to look at the story and let go of it.

[40:05]

Except instead of saying let go of it, we're saying give it away. Or when something comes and you let go of it, it's similar to something coming, and you say welcome, or you say thank you. So letting go of the story is another linguistic rendition of generosity. So there's a story dashed, there's an awareness of the story, and then there's letting go of it. And then in that situation, in the letting go, that would lead to the wisdom which understands that being in the world of this story is the same as being in the story of the opposite of this story, or the world of the opposite. So this is a good lane to be in, that's one story, and this is a bad lane to be in, that's another story. And there's something the same about those two stories.

[41:07]

The wisdom that can see the sameness is based on the ability to be generous to both stories, to let go of the story this is a good lane, to let go of the story this is a bad lane, to let go of the story I'm driving, to let go of the story I'm not driving. I'm driving, but I'm not really driving. To let go of those stories is generosity, and that generosity leads to the wisdom, which doesn't even necessarily say, but understands that this lane and this lane are both lanes where you can live fully, regardless of the stories about them. So that's an understanding that can come by practicing wisdom with stories of different lanes, and different streets, different neighborhoods, different cars, different passengers, different drivers, all these things. If we're generous to them, that's a foundation for wisdom about these things.

[42:11]

So I'm not doing it wrong? Well, I'm not doing it wrong is a story to be generous towards. Or you could have said, I am doing it wrong, and you could have said that, but you didn't. You could have said, well, I guess I'm doing it wrong, and I would say that's a story you can be generous towards. And then if you're generous to the story, I am doing it wrong, and you're generous to the story, I'm not doing it wrong, you'll realize the sameness of those two stories. Without even saying it, you'll realize it. And then you'll be free of the two stories. And then when the story I'm doing it wrong comes, you can meet that, you won't be thrown off of compassion about that story. When the story I'm doing it right comes, you won't be thrown off of compassion towards that story. I parked behind an RV over there on, don't tell me, a lake.

[43:20]

And that RV is often there. I think it moves a little bit every week or so. I mean, I think they have to move it because of street cleaning or something, so it's not always in the same position. And it has a lot of decals on the back. They're sort of like bumper stickers, but not quite. And one of them says, Aloha Hawaii. And another one says, I think it says, Living is surfing, or life is surfing. The rest is details. And I thought, yeah, I'll tell the people in the yoga room, in the class, that I'm not going to. So here's this wave of, I'm driving poorly, I'm driving badly, this is not a good lane, this is a good lane. All these details are arising.

[44:26]

Life is really surfing that stuff. And good surfers do not, what do you call it, reject the waves. They don't say, well, this wave's a little bit too small, this wave's a little bit too big. They go with the wave and find a way to be upright with the wave. So that's our life. Our life isn't the waves. The waves are just our opinions that we're dealing with. Our life is realized by being generous with the waves, by being generous with the stories, and by being wise with the stories. That way of being with them is our life. Yes? Can I ask a question? Yeah. So Jocelyn is discovering that her story about the lanes is not true. So is that better than the story is true?

[45:29]

Or are they the same? The story is true, the story is not? The, what you just said she discovered about the lanes was another story. The stories are not true is another story. Somebody told me that they're enjoying reading a book which is called The World is Made of Stories. I was walking around Green Gulch and I said, I'm reading a book called The World is Made of Stories. And I didn't say it, but I thought, that sounds like a story. We are storytellers. We are storytelling beings. We are historical beings. We are historical beings.

[46:30]

We do that. And then we have stories about practices we can do with these stories. Which will free us from the stories. Which is the same as freeing us from the making of the world. Not destroying the world and destroying the stories, but by practicing with them, by surfing on them. We have a life of freedom with the stories. And some of the stories go like this, that story is false. Like some people say that the Holocaust didn't happen. That's a story that they tell. Some people say it did happen. That's a story that they tell. Do you wish to prove the story of the Holocaust happening is true? Or do you wish to liberate beings from the story of the Holocaust?

[47:33]

Do you wish to say this Holocaust is not a story, it's a reality, and therefore we have to live with it forever? Or do you wish to be kind to the story of the Holocaust, to be compassionate towards it and be wise about it and liberate beings from such a story? And if anybody says a story that such a thing never happened, that's another story which, if we aren't kind to it, we'll be enslaved by it. So whatever story you tell, do you wish to prove it's true? Or do you wish to liberate beings from it? Because stories are where we're entrapped. We're entrapped in stories. And how can we be kind to them in such a way so we're liberated from them without tampering with them at all? But rather by respecting them totally,

[48:36]

being generous with them and patient with them and careful with them, and then relaxing with them and playing with them and turning them into liberating art. And not wait until we have horrible stories before we start practicing this. Do it with what's available, like driving a car tonight. And then if you can find that to be an enjoyable practice, then you can deal with stories like not just bad lanes or bad driving, but terrible, horrible driving, horrific driving, tragic driving, irresponsible driving. Those horrible stories, if we meet them with compassion, beings can be liberated from them without taking the story terrible, horrible driving and throwing it out the window, but using it as the mud to grow a lotus.

[49:37]

And if you have a story, excellent driving, that's fine, doesn't sound terrible, but can you grow a lotus there too? Well, yes, you can. You can grow a lotus in any story. But as Carmen said, sometimes when the story is nice, we think, I don't have to grow a lotus here. The story is basically a story about a lotus. I've got a lotus. I've got a beautiful person here. A gorgeous little baby. I don't have to grow a lotus on that. It is a lotus. Well, if you missed the chance of practicing generosity towards this gorgeous baby, you just missed the chance to practice compassion. If something is so beautiful, you think, it's so beautiful, I don't have to be compassionate. I don't have to be generous with something so gorgeous, because I like it so much. But then you just missed a beat in your compassion practice. And then if the baby flips

[50:40]

and gets a cut on the cheek, then do you start practicing compassion? Well, hopefully, but you might not because you're not already surfing the skin surfaces. You're not already being compassionate. So sometimes you don't immediately say, okay, I'm sorry, I forgot, now I'm back to work. It's better to practice now because that promotes being able to practice it now. So that's why I say, let's practice with our daily life and not wait until it gets so bad that we think, I think it's time to start practicing, which a lot of people do. The people come to see the doctor and they want to join a program to become free of alcoholism, and then sometimes the doctor says, you're not ready to practice, you're not ready to do the program. Some people in that same level

[51:43]

of addiction are ready. Some people less addicted are ready. But some people, it has to get extremely bad before they say, okay, okay, I'll start practicing generosity. Like Scrooge, right? It got bad enough so Scrooge said, oh, I got it. Now I see what I'm supposed to be doing here. Thank you, I get it. But it had to be several examples for him to realize, we don't necessarily have to get it that bad. We don't have to wait until we're 80 to start. We don't have to wait until it's horrible, until it's a terrible nightmare. We can start now, tonight, when we're driving. And then extend it to the horrors, if they come, and the beauties. Which most of us see horrors and beauties.

[52:51]

Excuse me for talking so much, Barry. Please come. Okay, this is your big chance, Barry. Here he is. That's good, yeah? I wasn't going to talk about this. It involves a road, and an actual incident. In about the last year, I've been stopped three times by the police. And each time, I think it's because I've been in an area, I'm not typically out late at night, but I've been somewhere, like one time I was on a lonely stretch of road, and another time it was in a pretty affluent area, and I was driving my old junker car, and it has a gas door on the gas thing that's askew,

[53:58]

and it's got some stickers on the back. And this time I was driving a Scion, that has tinted windows, and has two robots on the back, and I was coming through an area that has a lot of bars. And so, the guy pulled me over, and this is like I say the third time in a year, and I have a long history of having been stopped by the police, since I was a youngster. I lived in a town where every van was routinely stopped and searched. It was Huntington Beach, California. That was just their policy. And so I have this kind of attitude built into me. And so the guys kind of came up and said, you know, we know why you stopped. You know why I stopped you. And I go, no, I have absolutely no idea. So I was already kind of had my story, and I'm getting excited as I tell it. I am too. And so I said no, because I don't think I did anything wrong.

[54:58]

And so I kind of wanted to give a little pushback. That's kind of what I noticed, is that a lot of times, even though it might look like I give a lot of pushback, I don't always give pushback, and I feel sometimes that I need to do that. And so the guy said, well, I have it on videotape. And I said, oh, really? And he said, yeah, you can see it if you want. And I go, well, yeah, I'd like your badge number. I'd like to see it. And then he started backing off right away. Kind of like, well, you know, I just wanted you to know that you could see it were this to go further. And I go, well, I'd love to see it right now. So we kind of went through this for a while. And then I think I'm always kind of a little bit afraid, because I'm pretty big. And each time I've gotten out of the car with these police guys, they're always about that tall. And there were two of them, and they're always just like about that wide. You know, and their uniforms are tight, and they've got all this stuff bristling on them. And they just look like, you know, even though they're small,

[56:03]

they just look like they're very powerful. And they have that authority. So like right away, you know, I kind of feel that. And so anyway, eventually he kind of lets me go into the car and look. And he goes, see, see, there your tire hit the line on the median. And there you stopped there, and see, you stopped over the limit line. I go, no, I don't think I did. You know, because it was pretty equivocal to me. And so then I began to relax. And, you know, because I love to talk, Barry. And this was like my opportunity. I had a captive audience. I had these two guys on the street at 1130 at night. There's no one else. And so, you know, it's my opportunity to kind of like, I feel like, well, I can kind of like start to give these guys a glimpse of my perspective, you know, so that everyone they stop, they can see that, you know, the people they stop have long histories of perhaps being stopped by the police. And they have these perceptions and stuff built up. And so, like, I started talking and, you know, telling them a little bit of stuff.

[57:09]

And then they kind of like saying, oh, well, you know, we're good police. And I said, well, you know, that's cool. I just know that a lot of people you stop are, like, afraid and kind of have stories and have reasons. You know, they've had experiences, too, and they're not out here to disrespect you or anything. Anyway, it just kind of went like that for a while. But I began to lighten up a little bit. And eventually, you know, it's like I wanted to, like, reassure them and everything. So, like, I told them that I know law enforcement people. And, you know, I'm a respectable citizen. And I shook their hand, you know. But I could tell, you know, that, like, I didn't want to waste their time. But I wanted to – I kind of had this story I wanted them to kind of admit. But I couldn't get them to do it. And I'm pretty clear on this. This may not be the truth. But they're out there trolling for a plausible reason to stop someone

[58:11]

so they can kind of ask if they've been drinking or just, like, shine the light in the car. And that's not, like, an evil thing. But I just kind of wanted them to kind of say, hey, come on, you know, I know what's going on here. But I couldn't quite do it, you know. But then I kind of just, like, gave up and just tried to have some goodwill at the end. But even, like, right now, it was just amazing because, like, right now, this is what I do when I retell a story. I can just feel the adrenaline. I can just feel the energy. And I could feel it at that time. But I was able to kind of, you know, I think, back off just enough from it that I didn't want to be too aggressive. I was kind of trying to be sensitive of their perception of me. Mainly because, like I said, you know, I mean, I didn't want any problem. You know, I have this kind of fear sometimes that someone's going to say, you know,

[59:14]

take him down, he's big, you know. So it was really kind of interesting to me to, like, be in this situation where I really clearly had my story and I really wanted to, like, express it. But then I kind of was trying to read that I knew they had a story. And I kind of wanted to interact with those stories and still kind of come away with maybe hoping that they might look at their story next time. Because I know I was in a situation I had to, like, carefully evaluate my story because if I had missed out, they could have had a real problem. So... What did I do? What did I do, Barry?

[60:16]

What? Oh, okay. You better be. Thank you very much. Okay. Thank you for your teachings. I wanted to talk a little bit about generosity and addiction. Can you hear her? Generosity and addiction. And my niece is staying with me right now and she had some surgery that I didn't agree with. But anyway, that's a whole other story. But, you know, and I have a lot of sympathy for her coming out of surgery. And this isn't just her case. This is something I do a lot. And so I'm over-generous to the extent that I start getting a resentment. And then I rest in disappointment, you know, of the story, you know.

[61:24]

And so being generous for me can be tricky. And, you know, I've tried making little boundaries, like, where I can leave the house and, you know, not be there 24-7 for her. Because I don't want it to end up being in that space again where I'm not going to like her or what's been created out of that. Well, some of you have heard me say a number of times that... A lot of times we say, set boundaries. But I think it's good to maybe just say, give boundaries. Give boundaries. Part of... One of the main gifts we have to give people is boundaries. Which is to tell them where we're at, to tell them that we feel, what,

[62:30]

we feel uncomfortable about giving something right now. I find it hard with her because her family lives in the Middle East and she's alone. I think it is hard. I often use the example of... You know, it's a minor example, that's why it was hard, is I saw somebody give somebody else an automatic pencil. And I said, oh, that's a nice pencil. So then he gave me one. And then I went home and somehow my wife saw this nice automatic pencil and she said, can I have it? And I said, no. And I said no because I didn't want to give it to her.

[63:33]

But I felt bad because what's an automatic pencil? If your wife wants an automatic pencil, give it to her, right? But what if you don't want to? What if you just don't want to? Even though you know, of course you should give your wife an automatic pencil. So it's hard not to. It's hard not to. But I was able... It wasn't so much that I didn't give it, I just said no. She could have wrestled it off me. I probably would have let her take it. But I think that when I said no, that was sufficient. But I knew that if I gave it, actually my response was no, if I knew if I gave it, that would only be giving it because I felt bad not giving it. To give because you feel bad not giving, I don't think is really where it's at. You give when you want to give, not when you think you should. So, of course you should.

[64:40]

In a case like this, it's not going to hurt her to have the pencil, so of course I should. And my responsibility is to give. But whether I give or not, I have a responsibility there too. Namely, I should only give, even though it's my responsibility to give all the time, I should only give when I'm giving. I shouldn't give when I'm not giving. Because then not only will that not be giving, that doesn't count, it's not giving. But number two, which is really bad, is you could resent. So, my wife doesn't really need the pencil. If she doesn't get it, she'll be fine. But she won't be fine, she won't be good if I resent her, if I think she robbed me. Well, if I'm practicing giving, I feel fine about it.

[65:41]

I mean, I welcome that. And I know that people might not feel good when they ask me, I know that they might not feel good when they ask me for something if I don't give it, I know that they might not like it. But to give it to them because I'm trying to avoid them not liking it or me, that's not giving. I'm giving because I want to give, even if they don't like me. And a lot of times you give to this person, this person hates you for giving to that person. But you still want to give, even though other people will hate you. Because you think it's good and you want to do it. And even though you're not going to be popular with some people if you give. Like some people give to a political party and some of their friends are angry at them for giving to a political party that they don't agree with. But the thing is you feel good about the giving. Giving is primarily joy. And if you're doing it to avoid pain,

[66:42]

if you're giving it because you're afraid of what will happen to you if you don't, that doesn't help the fear. What helps the fear, if you're afraid of what will happen to you if you don't give, but you want to give anyway, then give. You could want to give and also be afraid of what would happen to you if you didn't. That's possible. But still, even though I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I don't, and even though I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I do, I still want to give. You should want to. And if you don't practice giving, it is a problem. But if you're not ready, you should be generous to yourself and let yourself be the person who's not ready. And the next day, by the way, I was ready and I gave her the pencil. So I gave it to her the next day and the next day I was totally ready to give it to her.

[67:47]

It was not like I was giving it to her because I thought I should. I actually wanted to. She did want it. And actually now she has a whole bunch of automatic pencils that I gave her that she won't let me use. And she says jokingly, you can't use that pencil I stole from you. But actually she didn't steal them, I gave them to her because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't. I thought you'd laugh at that. Practicing giving is the beginning of courage and being courageous helps you practice giving. To have the courage to not corrupt your giving by doing it to avoid

[68:48]

punishment or whatever. Do it because you want to. Because you want to let go of this thing because you think it's a good thing to give. And if you're not ready, have the courage to be who you are, which is being generous to yourself and letting go of yourself at the same time. Let go of the good person and be the stingy person that you are. And people might not like that practice. It's hard. But the giving will... If you let yourself be who you are, you will be able to become the person who is generous about everything. And also you'll still be able to give boundaries. Like my grandson. When he was out at Green Gulch, I was taking him to get a ride to the city. And I was happy to wait around until late in the afternoon to give him a ride,

[69:53]

knowing that I'd be in a traffic jam again if I waited. Like that last story I told, I did something for my daughter and it made me late. And this time I hung around to give my grandson a ride and got in a traffic jam. As we were walking out, he said, Can I have a Hansen's? Hansen's are a soft drink. And he already had one earlier today. And I said, I said, I'll bring one tomorrow because I'm going to pick him up tomorrow and take him to Tassajar. I'll bring one tomorrow, you can have it in the car. I gave him a boundary. I didn't want to give it to him. I mean, I'm happy to give it to him, but I thought he might drink it. And I thought two of those things in a day is more than he needs. So I set that boundary. As a gift. Your grandfather doesn't want you to drink too much sugar. That's the message. Of course, he can take it. I probably wouldn't wrestle him about it.

[70:54]

So, honor your boundaries so that you keep loving this person. If you don't honor your boundaries, you'll start resenting the people you love. You'll start avoiding the people you want to be devoted to because you're not taking care of yourself. It's funny how that works. Any other offerings? Please, come. This is really interesting. I really like hearing everybody's stories. So I've had a couple. I'm mostly trying to understand or practice with cognitive construction only. And I think it's the only

[71:58]

that's the really difficult part. I don't even know. I have a couple stories. I don't know if I'm really practicing it or just riffing off of what you're saying. Or maybe that's the same thing. So I was in a meeting. It was a meeting where we were going around and everybody was saying their version of what was happening. And conflicting versions of what was happening. Which, for me, I get really anxious. And particularly if it's people I respect and then people have different versions, different stories. So I was starting to get really anxious. I was starting to churn up a little. And then I remembered cognitive construction only. And so it applied to me. It was my own realizing that what I was experiencing, what was happening, was my construction. And also that each person's thing was their construction. And in fact, I think what's maybe hard in the meeting

[73:01]

is when you don't feel like people are realizing that theirs is a construction. They're like, no, this is true. No, this is true. When that's the energy. Yeah, that can be something to have a hard time remembering. In other words, they're not aware of it is another cognitive construction. And that can be a really difficult one. And then I do the cognitive construction of reminding myself that these people are my grandchildren. Like my grandson says to me, what's your favorite animal? And I say, humans. He said, they're not animals. And then he also, one time he said, you know what really would be fun? If we took all these animals, all these toy animals, if we took them and took them down to the garage and put them in a tub of water

[74:02]

and put them in a tub and filled it with water. He said, that would really be fun. And I didn't say to him, you know, it might not be fun. You know, that's just your cognitive construction. And if I said that to him, he wouldn't know what I was talking about. But also, I didn't feel bad about him doing that. I just went along with him. And we got down there and we got the animals into the tub and he started putting water in. But before he got much water in, he thought of something else that would really be fun. So we never did even get to the thing. And you were just rolling along. And I thought that might happen. I thought it might not actually be this spectacularly fun thing that he would like. I didn't say, you know, it might be a little fun, but it's not going to be as fun as you think it's going to be. That's just a construction. And I didn't say that to him. I didn't disagree with him, but I also didn't say, yes, that will be fun. I just said, basically, I'm your partner.

[75:05]

I'll go with you, basically. Wherever you want to go, I'll go with you. And then we'll find out. But I didn't say to him, was that fun? I didn't say that to him. But he had somebody with him who was observing that before he even got into what he thought would be super fun, he thought of something else that would be super fun. He forgot all about what he thought would be super fun, and so on. That's the way it is with children. When it's with adults, we think, well, we have a little harder time of just going along. I think it's my own anxiety that makes it hard. There's a feedback loop where you have a weird story because you're anxious, and because you have a weird story, you get more anxious. That was Diane's example. She's practicing giving, and the person asked for something, and she starts feeling anxious, and then it's hard to practice generosity. Another example of him, he's going into the street, he's going into Stockton Street in Chinatown when he's a little boy, and I feel anxiety about what's going to happen to him.

[76:08]

So I have trouble practicing generosity, but I don't want to overpower him and stop him from going in the street, because that's not generous. But I can't let go with him. I get anxious, so I can't go with him. But even if I was anxious, I still should have gone with him. Not just let him go in the street, but go with him into the street. Because as we come into the street, the two of us, and I'm there with him, he could feel that the street is not where he wants to go. But to try to stop him, he doesn't know why I don't want him going in the street. It looks perfectly fine to go in the street from where he's at. And I can try to stop him, and I did. And I wasn't mean or anything, but I did stop him. But I realized later I should have just gone with him. And that's what I did with him since. I kind of go with him where he goes.

[77:09]

But if I'm anxious, then I tense up, I can't go with him. Because if you go with him, if you're aware of cognitive construction, if you're aware that this is just his dream of what's going to be happening, and you go with him, the Dharma is there. But if you try to stop him, you're not practicing. So the Dharma is lost. So what happened in this story was, and this is where the only comes in, because it's one of the few times I've really kind of used the only at all. So I have this thought, oh, cognitive construction only, and I sort of relax a little bit into that. And then I think, but that's all there is. Because I'm thinking... The other thing that happens to me is I freeze up because they're stepping here and they're stepping here, and I don't know where I want to step. So I said to myself, just jump in the water and swim around with everybody else. Because you're not going to get to the place where you're not in a cognitive construction.

[78:11]

And I somehow think that'll be the solid ground from which I can act. That won't be the solid ground, that'll be the practice ground. So that's the question. Is there a place that you get to where you're beyond the cognitive construction only? Or is that all there is? It's not that that's all there is. It's that all this is, is that. All this is that. But that's not saying this is all there is. Saying nothing but cognitive construction is different from saying there is nothing but it. This is nothing but mind. It's not to say there is nothing but mind. And there is nothing beyond this. There's no beyond this. Beyond is another cognitive construction. But all of our problems only exist in cognitive construction. That's the only place we have problems. And when you're kind to this place

[79:12]

for which there is no beyond, beyond is just another... I think I said last week if there was a beyond, that would just be another cognitive construction. There isn't a beyond. If I have a cognitive construction about Charlie and you have a cognitive construction about Charlie, is there more than just those two things? I mean, there's Charlie, right? That's right, there's Charlie. There's Charlie. Our life is our life. However, we don't know our life. We can't know our life because we can't get away from our life to know it. We only can live it. But what we know about our life is cognitive construction. And the way we know our life is a trap. And all of our problems live in the way we know our life. But our life is not a trap. Our life is free.

[80:12]

And if we practice ethically with the trap and hear the teaching that we're in a trap, and that in this trap is where all the problems exist, and they only exist there, and when you're free of this trap, you're free of all problems. But to go beyond the trap... To go beyond the trap is not recommended. Just to realize that the trap is insubstantial. It's just a cognitive construction. However, huge problems occur within that trap. Intense horrors and pain exist in that trap. If you become free of the cognitive construction, you're free of all human problems. You're still a human. You're still alive. It's just that in the realm of freedom, it's impossible to know it. You can only live it. In the actual realm of life,

[81:17]

which is not birth and death, you don't get to know it. You only get to be alive. However, we do get to project upon it and be trapped in our projections and suffer. We got that, and we know that. So what we get to know is that. To become free of that, we have to get over our addiction to knowing. Knowing existence and non-existence, for example. We have to get over that. The way to get over it is to use the addictions to transcend the addictions. Not go beyond them, but become free of them. Thank you all for your devoted participation in this wonderful, impermanent appearance of a Sangha in Berkeley.

[82:19]

It may reappear again in November. We'll see. Thank you very much.

[82:31]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ