Once I stayed in Schloss, and there was, at some point, there was a line of ants about 30 wide across my whole room. einmal habe ich im Schloss übernachtet und da gab es eine Patrouille von Ameisen, ungefähr 30 Ameisen breit, ganz entlang durch mein Zimmer und die Wand hoch. They mostly worried about that, but you know. Ja, they really weren't able to do much about it. The ants had a combined mind of their own Anyway, sorry to be a little late this morning. It wasn't to control the circumstances. But I think that I ought to, since quite a few of you weren't here last evening, I should, we ought to look at at least some of what I spoke about last night, which is what, as we recognize we have this topic,

[01:39]

of weaving your personal narrative. And it's an interesting challenge to try to speak about. Because when we think about a personal narrative, we think about self, what I call the selfological stream. You know, the other day, coming back from driving to Denver and flying to Zurich, and then started quickly into the Reformed Intergrantia seminar.

[03:10]

I had a few days at some point of being kind of sick. Usually, it often happens after an earplug. So I decided, as I mentioned another time, decided to stay in bed until I got better. I was in the center, but it took some time to stay in bed. Well at some point my body no longer wanted to be as I've said horizontal. So it didn't seem to me I was kind of watching what I was noticing.

[04:39]

It didn't seem like consciousness wanted to get up, but I just wanted to get up. It was sort of like saying, repeatedly, and I kept ignoring it, but repeatedly said, we've been horizontal too long, let's get vertical. And so I had this clear feeling of, okay, my biological identity wants to give up. And then I thought, now does that mean consciousness wants to give up?

[05:46]

Now I'm bringing this up also with me. If we're going to look at our experience, we need to have some definition of our experience. For many years I've been making distinction between awareness and consciousness. which I found necessary to do, to even express to myself what happens when you practice meditation. But then I have people asking me, well, is this awareness or is that consciousness, etc. ? But really they're speaking about it as if they were existing realities or something. And they have a difference, but the difference is a function difference.

[06:48]

And when you notice the dynamic of the functioning, you see that it occupies a certain mental space, modality, moment. Now, I'm trying to speak about this because, you know, you get tired of my saying, I've been the latter part of my life, but, you know, it probably is true. So let's hope it's true. But part of the process, if my daughter is saying that, is, yeah, I should try to make clear what I've been talking about for 55 years. Well, more like practicing about it for 55 years, not necessarily talking about it.

[08:25]

In the Japanese style of teaching Buddhism, I talked about it as little as possible in the first 10, 15 years. And then when I came to Europe in the 80s, I realized I had to find things more. It's not because Europeans need explanation better than Americans, but because in America I was speaking to an initiated audience, mostly people within five years or some length of time when that's the practice. So people, even though Zen does not teach in as many other schools of Buddhism do, what early Buddhism does, in terms of stages, which I'm such a sure lineage because stepladder buddhism or Zen

[10:02]

But in fact, there are stages. Just the way it is. Okay. But it's supposed to be up to the practitioner to be alert enough to notice the stage. And then the main relationship with the teacher and senior practitioners is to notice the stages with them and see if they confirm them. And in effect, it's a kind of peer review. You just suddenly made this up, actually. People were on the same path. have similar stages.

[11:29]

But Zen, and particularly Dogen's Zen, and as we saw in the last seminar, in the Genjo Komen, And again, in Genjo, I should say, translates as to complete that which appears. And the next phrase is hard to translate. but it's something like knowing particulars in the midst of infinities. Already to notice particulars in the midst of infinities, or just infinities and particulars, is already a shift in view.

[12:35]

And this can also be understood. Let me say it. Words in Buddhism, and someone told me they like it in English, it's a little bit more like that, but words in Buddhism have some ongoing meaning, but it's contextually very inflected. They're inflected by context. So people have said to me that you can take English words and stretch them a little more. In fact, your husband did it. I didn't make this up.

[13:59]

And this really true word in Buddhism, it can be almost contradictory meanings in a different context. So this translation of the Gansho Koan, as I have said, in Chinese and Japanese Buddhism, the title of a teaching is often meant to be tuned. Like you were a ruminant over a long period of time. Yeah, in Roman it is a cow or a giraffe or a deer, but it's also a word for a monk.

[15:15]

One chews things over. So word doesn't just exist in the context of In the context of language, the word doesn't just exist as a point in language. Or as a point that keeps transforming itself in context. It's also transformed by how you use the new word, also the context of the word. So koans are teachings which are meant to enter your context and be regurgitated, shoot on. Now again, as I said last night, it sounds like I'm talking about Buddhism, but I don't feel it.

[16:39]

I'm speaking about ways of looking at things, categories, so forth, which, because of my experience, come from Buddhism. I'm speaking about ways of looking at things, categories, which, because of my experience, come from Buddhism. but they can also be categorized for you. Okay. So, genjo koan also in a larger context means to make use of your life as instruction. And interrelatedly, to use the teachings as instruction.

[17:51]

And they may be called instructions, but they're instruction when they become your inner structuring. Testing your English all the time. Okay. So that here is another view probably that's not common to us. Which is instruction is an inner structuring that you are an active part of. So the path is something that you bring with yourself into

[18:52]

as well as weaving your experience and weaving teachings or wisdom. Okay, so I'm going back. I was a bit sick, so I stay in bed. And I thought, yeah, I couldn't give up. And I thought, now is it consciousness that wants to give up? Now again, I give a certain territory to consciousness. I don't translate for me everything that's not physical as consciousness or some word like that, you know.

[20:19]

Which is common for some neuroscientists. Their study consciousness, as I said, but it's not from the outside. If you're going to look at the ingredients of your life, you have to have some sense of what you're looking at. Again, as I said last evening, you have to develop the ability to objectively look subjectively at your life. So wie ich gestern Abend gesagt habe, du musst die Fähigkeit entwickeln, objektiv dein Leben subjektiv zu beobachten. And that means you have to develop the skills to look at your life free of the selfological stream.

[21:22]

But when I was lying there, I thought it's actually not consciousness that wants to get up. It's my biological identity or stream or something like that that wants to get up. It's timing or something. Now, since I usually, when I get up, I get up because I have to do something or I have to plan something. Now that's consciousness. That's my definition of consciousness. Consciousness is that modality of the mind which makes the world predictable. which categorizes your experience, which creates categories, and which is the territory of self and discursive language.

[23:08]

And it's also invisible. In other words, when I'm looking at you as consciousness, I don't see that consciousness is doing. Consciousness doesn't announce itself and say, everything you're seeing now is a function of consciousness. It's always invisible. Yeah. So one of the aspects of practice is then to make consciousness visible. So I'm aware that I'm seeing you, but actually my consciousness The mode of knowing I define as consciousness is what's seen.

[24:24]

Now, sometimes there's a Zen, you know, Zen has this kind of teaching by kind of cases of Zen. And one is nocturnal eyes. An example is looking for your pillow at night. So nocturnal eyes means non-duals. So in the dark, you don't see, you have to kind of feel your way in the dark. So I'm seeing you with consciousness, but because I'm a practitioner, I also know I am seeing you in darkness.

[25:34]

In other words, we've established some kind of mutual field here. It's already happening. Which is cued by many little tiny things among us. Now how do I tune into that non-dual field of apprehension, of knowing which is not conscious? If I didn't define consciousness as categorizing, you know, making predictable territory for self and discursive thinking.

[26:54]

I would not be so clear about the boundaries of this. And this is unsightly. I would not be so clear about the function of consciousness. So if I can be clear about consciousness as a certain way of functioning, then if I can say, oh, I function in lots of ways that aren't those categories, those kinds of functions, And so these are not just the, what do we call the side of the road, the rough... What? And a car. Okay. Okay. It's gravel.

[28:12]

Gravel or something, yeah. So these other ways of knowing are not just edges of the road. They're actually other roads. And English banquette is the... A seated restaurant made beside the wall. A seated what? A restaurant made beside the wall. Where you sit at a table with your back to the wall. That's a thank you. It's the same idea, though. There's no need to translate that. Um... Um... So if you know, if you see that consciousness is a particular kind of function, you can see that too, that you see it.

[29:14]

As I said, it's invisible. then it might occur to you to make it visible. And that happens to be an absolutely central part of all Buddhist practice. I mean, there's no objective viewing of the self if there's only the subjectivity of consciousness. Did you say of the self now? There's no objective observing of the self.

[30:16]

From the point of view of consciousness. So there has to be some territory of mind which is not selfological. So, how do you make consciousness aware that it's consciousness? And as soon as there's consciousness, it's functioning within the modalities that I described. And it assumes there was a past and assumes there will be a future. Most of the time it's true, but not always. So if you make ways, Collapse of the meditation platform.

[31:39]

It happens sometimes. Are you OK? We wouldn't want any casualties here on meditation platform. . I'm almost finished. I mean, for now. Okay, so there's two main ways. One is simply to get in the habit of bringing attention to attention. To attend to attention. If you'd like to sit on this side. Stereo. The other way is to simply create the concept, the awareness, that every object you see or anything you think of is happening through mind, within mind.

[33:14]

So when I pick up this bell, I'm so used to it after all these years, I see that mind appears as well as the bell appears. And I'm so aware that mind appears as well as the bell appears. When I pick up the stick, aha, the stick appears. But I now have the feeling that consciousness appears to the particular area of the bell, and the stick appears as the particular area of consciousness as a stick. But there's also a quality of mind that appears it's the same on both.

[34:27]

So now I have attentional skills that are developed enough I can distinguish between the consciousness which appears on each object and the mind that appears simultaneously and equally on each object. And then I kill, in effect, the mind of consciousness. And then I kill, in effect, the mind of consciousness. So I can use the word mind as a focus of attention to distinguish between consciousness and mind, so that I can feel mind, bodily feel mind, and bodily feel consciousness They're different bodily sensations.

[35:56]

That is that bodily engagement in mind is why I practice yoga. So as I can notice each of you, particularly through consciousness, I can also know you simultaneously as a field of mind. It is actually somewhat like the wave particle thing. Yeah.

[37:03]

Okay, so if we're going to weave our personal narrative, I'm afraid we're going to have to decide what kind of loom we're going to do the weaving on. And what kind of threads we're going to use? And what kind of patterns we're going to be satisfied with when they appear from the threads? So when Nicole is developing a study program for the Dharma Sangha, inspired in many ways by the Veena Banda and Christina initially, But we know Veena has produced all these things.

[38:06]

Yeah, so, but anyway, finally someone's doing it and she's doing it now for the whole song through this new, through our website and a renewed website. So she said to me, we need a topic for the website, not for me, but for our website. Does a website need a topic? I don't know. Well, she wants to put it in a new case, so it's fine. And I said, somehow, weaving our personal narrative.

[39:07]

And I didn't really realize how difficult that was going to be. But it's time for a break. And I'll come back to self-elogically. Thank you very much. Thank you for trying to speak. Maybe we should just have a summer day seminar. Then it was all great and no talk. So does anyone want to say something about what we've been talking about?

[40:28]

Or your own sense of personal narrative and adding something to it? Can we add something to it? Or can we add something to it? I very much liked your lecture yesterday and the way you formulated the Four Noble Truths. Und während du gesprochen hast, ist für mich die Antwort hochgekommen auf die Frage, was war der wichtigste Shift in deiner Praxis?

[41:39]

And as you were speaking, for me, a response to the question of what was the most important shift in your practice? Und vielleicht nicht das Wichtigste, da waren so einige. Aber was mir jetzt am wichtigsten ist, and maybe not overall the most important, but what's most important to me right now. It's now a shift from being a passive recipient of experience into being an active creator of experience. For me personally that's very important and I think so scientifically it will also be quite important for us if we were to understand that this is possible. And what I would like to say about the topic, reading the narrative.

[42:53]

We have, in the past half year, in the Sun, where we studied the topic of the Vajrayānas, And that's a really refined Buddhist teaching. And Roshi has spoken about it for so long, for so many years. And in the beginning, I... I have. I thought I ignored it for so many years, but recently by implication I was speaking about it. In the beginning I didn't really understand anything about it. And in the Vijñanas, so the first five are basically the sense people.

[44:09]

And when practicing that, then one can experience how sense experience becomes part of one's experience. But when dealing with the sense fields, one thing I noticed is that how the self comes into the, starts having a... It appears. How it appears, yeah. And one can notice how the self becomes a part of this actuality. And that has a lot to do with this shift from active participation, that shift from passive recipient.

[45:32]

So you're saying that the teachings of the Bhijjianas are a useful way to weave our personal narrative? I experience this practice as a possibility to experience it yourself and to take care of yourself in a valuable way without necessarily I find a good way to experience the self and also to take care of the self in an appreciative way, but without needing to identify with the self. Someone else? Yes, please. I understood that this is about a spiral-like resonance process between body and mind.

[46:51]

An infinite process. In which body and mind more and more come into resonance, into neutral development. Is that a way to phrase it? Yes, of course. But I don't know. It's... I think it's a... I would say it's a process of noticing their inseparability.

[47:56]

And then how you develop that inseparability. Please don't let me sit here. Yes. Also, ich fand es sehr interessant, wie du heute gesprochen hast, dass es nicht ganz klar war, wer da eigentlich aufgestanden ist am Ende der Krankheit. Also, jetzt von Boris und Hein, dass wir keine Beziehung haben. I found it interesting how this morning you spoke about in the end it didn't seem entirely clear who actually ended up getting up, who wanted to move from the horizontal into the vertical.

[49:09]

And how you started speaking about consciousness. I'm in the middle of preparing a conference with other people which is about socio-psychosomatics. That has become a topic in psychotherapy. And we're currently looking at how these systems are different, the body and the psyche and the social systems, and how they function differently. And follow different logics.

[50:19]

And at the same time, they are linked inseparably. And some of them. Somehow I have a feeling as if you're speaking about something that might bring some light to this question. Besides my own practice. Let me give some feeling to sociopsychosoma. So you can see what I feel about. Thank you for bringing it up. Someone else. I think that since last night, at least for me, there's something like a red thread.

[51:38]

Do you see that? You can, yeah. Like a red thread through what you've been speaking about. From the word you used yesterday, which also triggers a dynamic within us. And what was so clear to me was that it is not at all in the first place, or not as it is now, that it is very much about keeping the promise now, or rather to just write it down, but also very uncertainly, how it will work, what it will result in, what the two ways are.

[52:41]

which for me became clear that the vow is not just about rigidly following the vow, but to feel in any way obligated, to only feel obligated to the vow, but also to look at what does the vow elicit in me. And that's a different, that's a twofold dynamic. And for me, coming from Gestalt therapy, I have this important turn of the senior. And that's just a focus, for example, the reality, a kind of And that through a focus like a vow, I create a kind of field.

[53:50]

And for me, this discourse from yesterday continued when we were speaking about language. And that language also generates something like a field. Through the definition. Through the definition and then again that's at the point where we have this demo-shaped consciousness and awareness. And I have this idea or this feeling, perhaps more the feeling or the intuition, that differentiating this And I have some kind of intuition that we're defining these particularities, describing these particularities, but that also is like circumscribing a sector. Is this creating a center?

[55:14]

Creating a center? I suppose. Is it creating or is the center creating the peripheral? All right. I think they are. Does it help us detect them? I think there are some tendons. Okay. That would be a work. And it's been a couple of years or so when I encountered a statement by Giacometti. Yes. And he said that for him it's about approaching, or it was maybe, yeah, approaching. Well, home is a tactile, approaching what's out there. Coming ever more close to the center.

[56:14]

Or a secret, or this inner... A secret or this inner centrality? Okay. Giacometti's wife supposedly said something like, I had to take the sculptures away from him because he kept reducing the periphery until there was nothing left in the middle. Jack Brutty's wife allegedly said that she had to take away the sculptures again and again because the periphery was so far away that she no longer had a center. But if you look at its structure, then it is actually a trace of this wheel key, because you can see it on the movements that its hands have drawn to the structure.

[57:16]

But if we look at the sculptures, then we can see this. I don't know a good word for it to approach with your hands, but we don't know what's there. Like in the dark? Yeah, when you do it. And you can see the movements of his hands and how he's done that. Yeah, right. Okay, please, I don't want to speak into a vacuum. I want you to give me something back. I don't know what to say. Because I'm daring to try to say things and put them together in a way that hasn't been done before because we're in the middle of kind of look at our culture and this more embodied culture. And I'm not really trying to teach anything, I'm trying to explore with you, so I'd like you to help me explore.

[58:28]

And I think I ought to. during these days may present the Vijnanas as a craft. I think it could be useful. And I think it's a an approach which is, at least in general, not well understood at all in Western psychology.

[59:30]

So then the question is, is it assimilable? Yeah, usable. But first I want to speak about Because the Virginianess is a way to weave. Okay, but I want to give us, develop with us together a sense of what is the condition, what's the loom like. Yes. I would like to know how do I make, how can I make the decision, what kind of route to choose, what kind of thread to choose, what kind of pattern I ought to make, because that is so arbitrary.

[60:41]

I wouldn't say it's at all arbitrary. But I would say that it's a field of crucial choices. And I'd probably develop the context for those crucial choices. That is my motivation to... I mean, you should... It should... I hope you understand that I'm trying to create a field of crucial choices. Because I'm trying to find for myself, with you, what we're doing.

[62:18]

We're doing something together. At least the people I practice with regularly. Now, what we're doing develops in a certain way, and how can we share that? share it in a way that continues to develop. An experience of living the narrative is also how you spoke last weekend about completing an experience. For example, when a view or a belief or something appears from my developmental narrative or story or something,

[63:39]

And when I try to accept that and to settle into it, When, in how, in the expression of the space, the ingredients change the way you described that yesterday? The body feels differently and also the experience changes differently. Yes. Thanks. Yes. Of the orange toes. I mentioned earlier, the shirt toes are red, and I thought I should paint mine.

[65:02]

And she volunteered to do it. It's a chest with two screens. So the loom, and since the question was, what is the loom? And that's a wonderful question for me. I think in working with the Lysianas, the loon is the mind. And the first five, the signet. Wir sind Kette und Schuss und Flying Shuttle. And the first five are the shuttle and what is the strength of the shuttle? The flight shuttle.

[66:03]

And the strength, also the feeling. Und Bewusstsein. And consciousness is somehow a byproduct. Don't say that too loud. Okay. So I think trying to think of the vision as metaphorically is helpful. In general, metaphors simplify at the same time as they contain more information than descriptions. So it's useful to try to come to a metaphor so we can work with that. So it is useful to come to a metaphor and we can work with it.

[67:13]

Okay, anyone else? Okay, hi, thanks. I have written, these are our realities, our inner realities, how we feel. I have understood that we can perceive with our inner observer inner states or inner feelings. And I have also understood... No, I understand you mean you've experienced or you at least understand it's possible. It was not experienced. Okay. So please continue. Oh, you were finished?

[68:26]

No, I tried to say what he said. Oh, okay, fine. Go ahead. So, and I have now also, but in German also say, I have understood as a way of saying I've heard. Yeah. Okay. I want you to, I won't, the distinction now is that maybe only heard have you experienced. Yeah. Yeah. And he said he experienced it too. So that with an inner observer I can now, or maybe I can say inner I, I can now also see the I itself. And that is a meditation experience that when the eye sees itself or touches itself, but then that gives a certain kind of meditation experience or kind of flash. Flash?

[69:31]

I thought you said flesh. Flash? Yeah, in the flesh. That's all true. And the word enlightenment, which I think one of the things I'm trying to induce here is the concept of life. You may not have been aware of that, but that's what it is. And the concept of it as enlightenment didn't actually happen until around the 5th century by the contemporary era. Yeah. Before that, it was just called a liberating insight. And that's, I think, more accessible for most of us, a liberating insight. Okay. But what you're speaking about is what I'm trying to... If we think, how do we weave our personal narrative?

[70:55]

Are we weaving in a way that assumes the possibility of a liberating insight? I think most of us don't think of our life, oh well, we might be enlightened. If you practice Buddhism, you might have that idea. And you might think, or you've heard about it, and you think, well, why not me? Uh... Yeah, or you think, it'll never be me.

[72:06]

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I will come back to that. So someone else? Yes. I am interested in everything that has been said and it is totally exciting for me. Nevertheless, I am now reminded of the story of an antelope street, the room. I have a certain phenomenon at home. For 30 years, in May, many ants fly to the same place, also to the uterus. OK. Okay, everything that's been said here is really interesting to me, and yet I'd like to go back to this story spoken a while ago with ants, the road of ants through the room.

[73:21]

Because that's something that's happening even after we've changed where I live, after renovation, sorry, remodeling or something. Remodeling or something. There's a particular place where flying ants keep landing. Termites or ants? Ants, and they only come at night. And these are not termites? Flying ants. Flying ants, yeah. And also our bees are a totally interesting exploratory field for me. This is not a topic I'm going to see. I'm Ghostbusters. I mean, I'll come in. Yeah, go ahead. Yesterday you spoke about something like a super-composed or some kind of meta-intelligence or something like that.

[74:35]

And somehow I have feeling that these two things somehow belong together, the weaving and that which somehow makes the ants and the bees work. Yeah, I think that's an insight in trust. Yeah. I spoke the other day about the context of plants. Because the plants are, you know, I love botanists, so this is my guess that I'm discussing it with botanists. is that individual plants are too small. But when plants develop a context together, some kind of mutual beneficial knowing seems to happen.

[75:51]

It's a kind of intelligence. In the sense that I use the word intelligence to mean etymology, to step into something, to enter into stepping. so wie ich dieses Wort Intelligenz von der Etymologie her verstehe, nämlich, dass es bedeutet, in etwas hineinzutreten. And similarly, it seems that two termites or two ants were quite separated, functioned as if they knew what the other was doing. Und gleichzeitig scheint es so, dass zwei Termiten oder zwei Ameisen so funktionieren, als wüssten sie, auch wenn sie räumlich getrennt sind, was die andere tut. And there was also, of course, in the 60s, Bell's theory, which nobody imagined was possible.

[77:17]

Information would have had to seemingly travel faster than the speed of light. But Bell's theorem is well established now. But some linking occurs that particles, wave, fields, are still connected to the other. From an initial starting point, a connection is somehow maintained. Okay. Whether that's all true or not, it's assumed in Buddhism that something like that is true. Now, our problem is we're too smart. And too individualized and too defined primarily through consciousness.

[78:30]

So if consciousness is invisible to us, Subtler modes of knowing that go beyond consciousness are really invisible. I mean, they're denied, not only invisible, they're denied. So one of the dimensions, the dynamics of bringing enlightenment into the process of we being our first alert Is to bring in the... intuition, sense, concept, that there's a field of mutual resonant knowing that's other than, but inseparable from, consciousness.

[79:54]

And that is classically illustrated in the Dongshan's lineage, our lineage, my lineage, maybe yours. Which is, do you hear the teaching of incentive beings? I don't hear the teaching of incentive beings. And the teacher says, although you do not hear it, do not hinder that which is.

[81:07]

Well, that's part of what, as a practitioner, conceptually a practitioner, because I'm not trying to talk about Buddhism, you weave into your narrative the possibility of way of not hindering that resonant knowing. that resonance knowledge does not exist. Okay. Is it crystal clear? What else? Yes. I have a question. I have been observing a phenomenon for some time now, that in connection with this title, this reading of personal narrative, that I am very concerned about now.

[82:12]

I have a question. For quite some time I'm observing a topic that somehow in relationship to reading your personal narrative and that occurs in this phase from waking the transition into sleeping. It often happens to me that suddenly a chain of thoughts appears, which I observe, which creates a certain scenario, on which I have no influence, on this scenario. What happens often to me is that a certain chain of thoughts arises that creates a particular kind of scenario, but which I cannot influence the scenario. And I'm trying to link this scenario to myself, but I don't accomplish that for any long period of time.

[83:39]

I can only watch. What would linking it to yourself mean? To... What's that? Like in waking, when I have a particular thought, I can change the thought and I can influence the thought. And this transitional phase, I cannot influence the scenario as if it had anything to do with me. Okay. In other words, it seems to be you when there's an agency involved, that there's somewhat There's some aspect that has changed.

[84:54]

I guess I would say that let's make a distinction between the self and you. It's already part of you. So you're observing it as a form of participating. And to bring agency into it is probably just an idea. It's not necessary. But I would say that it probably is possible to bring agency into it, but you can't bring agency into it the usual way we do. So maybe you need some kind of meta-agency, which probably functions through structure and context.

[86:00]

And already it's a particular context between waking and sleeping that generates this. So this context between waking and sleeping you can probably develop. And that becomes a form of agents. That would be close to mine. Thank you. Be as far out as possible. Thank you. I don't know exactly what I'm about to say. Join me. For me personally, the loom is the vow I took. A long time ago.

[87:25]

I don't know how long ago. [...] I didn't know that I took the vow. It wasn't conscious. And then I was very happy that in Buddhism I found it. And ever since then, I'm in it, if I want it or not. So My personal narrative is what we talked about in the last seminar, and what I'm very touched of, has always been in between, in a certain way, monastic life and lay life.

[88:50]

And, I mean, life is a fork, and to just leave it in my goblet, and, I mean, In one part, I'm kind of, I don't know if I'm making sense, but I have to express it. In one part, I'm still sitting on this cushion in Rochester, New York, in the Lens Center, with snow on my head. It was hot, so it was a shame. With this monitor, there's nothing behind me. And, you know, You know, in the Reza tradition, the lightning was a big focus. And I was in this hot seat. You were in this hot seat with snow on your head? Absolutely hot. It was absolutely cold. And on the other hand, I'm sorry, I'm translating. On the other hand, a mother... with two children, a homeopathic physician dealing with people, and sitting here, it's all at once there.

[90:07]

Or you translate. Do German first and then English. Okay. Should I say it myself? That was too much. I'm sorry, I'm socialized in English, which is about Buddhism, and that's why it comes in English, because that's not an intention. So, on the one hand, I still sit there, in the Zen monastery where I grew up on a pillow and had snow on my head and worked there, so to speak. And on the other hand I am a mother, have two children, a homeopathic medical practice and all the things that you have. And And all this is my leaving my personal narrative and all existing at one time.

[91:33]

But still, once upon a time, But this is another story. This was a personal story. Yeah. But still, for me, there is no difference. Okay, I'm trying to say. I have a mischievous mind, and that's my personal, weaving my personal narrative. I'm still, keep weaving. Well, please. We're watching a star.

[92:34]

If it's speakable, can you tell us what your vow was? Also, wenn sich das aussprechen lässt, könntest du uns sagen, was dieses Gelöbnis war? Okay, it's very personal again, but so what? When I was four? Deutsch first. Okay. I'm not doing this on purpose. Also, als ich vier war, ist mein Bruder ertrunken. When I was four years old, my brother drowned. And I was very, in a certain way, not only conscious of it, for some reason, I had some mind-opening experience with four. And this was kind of, I'm sorry. And this was kind of, I'm sorry. And this was kind of, I'm sorry. So I had to integrate this mind-opening experience and at the same time to be with the pain of my brother drowning.

[94:03]

private lessons, women's private. So ever since then I was looking for something which would help me integrate it. And from then on, everything I have, I guess, to show was just to be a degree in health and beauty. So I tried to become Catholic. It didn't work. I said, so what's true? And the Catholic system was happy. And so then I took the vow. I would not ever give up. with this experience I had to find a way to integrate it and deepen it.

[95:11]

That was the beginning. And then when I was 70, I was very happy to find Buddhism. It was a hope coming. And so, from then on, I always looked for something that I could integrate. And I didn't do the vow, the vow did me. And so I was looking for something, and when I was seven, three years old, I met my first person and went to the ex. And that was the story. So that's when my first person came to me. Thank you. I'm happy to be present with you. I'm happy to be present with you.

[96:17]

Anyone else? Yes. I was happy about weaving our personal narrative and how you introduced it. Because I'm noticing that maybe I'm getting older. I am considering more and more what do I really want to do and what not. And on the one hand, that's decisions like Christina brought up before, what is personal and what do we do as a society for other people, decisions like that. And then I find it very difficult when I just And then my feeling is that when I go and look at all that, it looks as if the stream of experience is infinitely large.

[97:33]

And my own experiences. And the experiences I hear from others in addition to that. And then also, of course, there's the internet and all these experiences. Exactly. And what interests me, maybe also through breaks or something else, is whether others see it that way, that as we get older, these experiences increase so much. One thing that would interest me to do that in the brain or something, I'm wondering, does getting older, does that, do other people also have the experience that that increases these experiential streams so much? Or maybe also the other way around, that I don't have put up my boundaries as much. And on the one hand, that's interesting.

[98:54]

On the other hand, also good tool. So are you saying that as you get older, you become more aware of possible streams to weave into your narrative? Do you simultaneously become aware that there are lots of streams that you've prevented from being woven into your life in the past for various reasons? And you will also realize that there are different currents that... You can't do that. ...that are different from each other. So there were the roads not taken and now there's the roads that could be taken. For me, I would say that more like to complete something, to bring something to a resolution, or to still do something.

[100:20]

So it's not so much the changing that's interesting for me, but the completion. Okay. I'm happy to be mixed into your completion. Yes. Yes. When you spoke about the animals and the plants, I remembered that a few years ago I was part of a constellation moon. And it was about a larger political system. And several people with particular questions were present as representatives.

[101:35]

Philosophical concepts were involved. And my job was to embody nature. And at first I was more the plants. Then I was more later I was more the animals. I can remember well the experience of having community. It's so good. Even with concepts and theories that appear to me like brothers and sisters, and particular plans to have this continuous relationship with humans.

[102:42]

To have this continuous relationship and to receive zero results. So you're for equal rights of plants. And what a strange, wondrous experiential field they can offer us. I think that it seems to me at least that constellation practice, therapeutic constellation practice, doesn't make sense in less conceptual sense.

[103:50]

Unless you assume there's a metadimension of knowing that's present when you create certain accesses. A metadimension of knowing which is only possible when you create certain means of access. And it's interesting how easy it is to create this consolation field, which is not conscious, but we can see it functioning. So the invisible becomes visible in the constellation. Yeah, but we have to be careful not to try to make it too visible. Can I ask a question about that?

[105:16]

Why not? We're having a discussion. Yes. What is the category, from a Buddhist point of view, for what functions? Force? Which force? Sorry, yeah. What functions or what force, what functions within constellation? What's the function of force? Is there a Buddhist name for it? This is what my question is. No. No Buddhist category. No, not that I know of. I don't know. Well, overall, the concept is assumed in the . OK. Maybe later, somehow we'll get there.

[106:43]

Yeah, but we don't, you know, it's interesting, we're right at the edge, or if you go too far, you're in a new age. So how do we say it? Too esoteric. To esoteric, you get into the kind of field of imaginings and then real self starts functioning. Now lunch is at one. Is that one? Okay. Okay. So I think we've spoken enough.

[107:49]

And I appreciate the discussion. And I'll see if after lunch I can be a little more coherent. And the three that intend I teaching which I mentioned. And this teaching to try to look at causation in a more sophisticated way than a sequential temporal process, describes each

[108:52]

moment as 3,000 coherences. So it's not just this leads to that. At this moment, there's some innumerable number of coherences which you're giving coherency to. So what is the process of giving shape to those innumerable already coherences? And then as soon as you have a definition like that, you immediately bring up the possibility that the field of coherencies in your experience can be less or more.

[110:13]

And bring up the further observation and possibility that are the incoherencies excluded? And what way is absence excluded? and incoherencies participate in coherences. Because absence is a dynamic of presence. Okay, so that's all part of the laya jnana thinking. Oh, dearie.

[111:14]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_68.95