I thought this was a more fruitful, would be maybe a more fruitful way to establish practice. And in this, most of us, I hope most of us don't have anywhere near as difficult and shattered life, culturally, you know. But he kept turning to this, what is my inner request? And I think that's all he had. I think that was all he had. I think at that time he didn't even have Buddhism.

[01:01]

But he had the resources of Buddhism. You know, each of us has the, you know, the path of our own life. And do we find that through our own... You know, every word I use I feel is not quite on the mark. But, you know, I do the best I can here. Do we define our life through our inner needs? Or sometimes our outer definitions.

[02:12]

Some compromise, or both are necessary. As I've told you a number of times that I mentioned it a number of times. Sukhiyoshi at some point said to me, after a year or so practicing with him, You seem to have gotten your life in some order. Now I can start teaching you in a new way. The sense was, until your own life is in order, like life, but emotionally, personally, and so forth, you can't really step forward into practice.

[03:28]

Of course, it's also true that practice helps us bring our life into some clarity. But at first, maybe I could say simply, the practice serves our life. At some point, if you continue, our life serves our practice. And this is an old tradition actually going back into India. And this is really an old tradition that goes back to India.

[04:29]

The fact that you're taking care of your basic wife, your children, then you focus on a more shamanic side of life. This tradition is that if you have loved your life, if you have raised your children, then you can take care of yourself. And the Chinese tried to build that into everyday life. For example, they when a parent got it. So, it's a very, it's the five reasons that's been in a little bit of style. You're supposed, the custom was to take a full year off and live more or less by yourself and write poems or paint, something like that. Kind of sabbatical from conventional life. And I've read statistics which suggest or show that after a parent dies, people are much more likely during the following two years to get cancer.

[05:54]

So there may be biological wisdom as well as spiritual wisdom in taking And so it's not just a spiritual thing, but also a healthy way that you take a break for a while at certain times of your life. And in another way you live it normally. I think again, I'm now trying to speak about this term in most requests.

[07:28]

As it functions, I'm sure in his life, and how it can function in our life. And I know it's functioned in my life. I mean, in various ways, at times, I try to decide what would really happen. What would I do? How can I put it? I made a decision to do nothing. And I really mean do not. Why don't you wash my face? After three or four days, five days, you kind of want to wash your face. So I said to myself, this is one thing I want to do.

[08:31]

I want to wash my face. In such a way, I built up one thing after another. What do I want to do? Eat, yeah, breathe. I don't mean you have to be that busy. I hope you don't show up tomorrow all with dirty faces. I hope you don't show up tomorrow with dirty faces. Okay. But in some way you can kind of enact that, that's a hard word to translate, I don't know, in your own life.

[09:39]

What really do I want to do? What do I really want to do? And what do I have to do? Because my responsibility is to do it. Because of my responsibility in my situation. I don't think it works very well for mental and physical health to hide what we want to do from ourselves. Und ich glaube, das ist unserer physischen und psychischen Gesundheit nicht sehr zuträglich, wenn wir bestimmte Dinge vor uns verstecken wollen, die wir tun wollen. In Ordnung, das war diese Erfahrung schon. The brightness and the light is when you uncover that, even in our conventional light. Excuse me. And the brightness of the light, there's a kind of light in our life when we uncover what we really want to do.

[10:59]

Even if we lead a conventional life. It's actually a kind of power. Das ist wirklich eine Art von Kraft. There's an expression in Zen. Es gibt im Zen so einen Ausdruck. Walking along the murmuring street. I stopped the sound. And Suzuki Roshi said, this is a kind of freedom.

[12:13]

Now, what exactly a phrase like that means, I will try to bring up. I stopped the sound of the murmuring stream. We have now the sound of the rain. And also there's another saying in Japan, the firefly. Firefly? So again, it's these kind of phrases which reflect

[13:21]

the resources Sukhiyoshi found in Buddhism. Even when it came to this point of he was only going to trust his inner most request. Now, I'd like to try to bring this out, but I think we need a shift in gears, so we'll take it back.

[14:51]

Okay, thank you very much. Vielen Dank. I brought this stick along. Ich habe diesen Stahl mitgetragen. I generally use them in the sender when doing formal T-Shirts, sender jerseys. Also ich verwende ihn normalerweise im Sender bei sehr förmlichen Sendvorträgen, den T-Shirts. But it was just given to me by Sir Kirshen's son.

[15:56]

And it is from a cryptomeria tree, a Japanese cedar tree that died on the property of Prince Owen. Cryptomeria, a Japanese cedar, which was stored on the crown of Rensyoin, the monastery of Tsukiroshi. And I did some of my practices and teachings with Tsukiroshi at this temple. So he had this made for me and gave it to me as a gift. And there's several customs in how this should be. made.

[17:02]

One is it should stand by itself. Which, as you can see, it's going pretty well. I have a leash here, so it doesn't get in the way. And it also represents the background. And also the kind of experience we have in practicing with our spine. And it's also meant to be on the one hand an actual piece of wood. On the other hand, you make the curve go against the grain. To show that while it's natural, there was human intervention.

[18:13]

And then it's originally derived from a back scratcher. You can imagine in a hot, sweaty, air-conditioned Chinese temple. Without our modern facilities for bathing. People have itchy backs. So while you're giving a lecture, you might... Because it reaches anywhere, it's a teaching step. The others... teaching staff is the fly whisk and that's the same thing like a horse.

[19:33]

So for me, your lineage too is from Rensselaer, so I thought I'd bring this in some way. So I thought I'd bring this Now, what are the ingredients we have? So, was sind also die Zutaten, die wir hier zur Verfügung haben? We have this phrase again. And most of us. Wir haben hier wiederum diesen Spruch, diesen Satz des tiefsten Verlangens. Which I think we can find the phrase itself has its own power. But when Suzuki Roshi spoke about the power of this phrase, he said its power is nothing but

[20:33]

one's inner request plus nothing. And as I said last night, by nothing, he meant nothing. Something without form and color. Or before form and color appear. Yeah. If I only say that much, you're really deeply in the world of Dharma, Dharma practice, Buddhism. Because if we talk about before form and color appear, it ascones a mind which doesn't rest in objects, but rests before objects appear, before form and color.

[22:21]

So such a phrase... Mature is in us. When Oumon, famous Oumon, a young man, Oumon, Oumon, said, everyone has their own lot. Everyone has their own light. Everyone has their own light. And then he said... if you want to know what I mean by that.

[23:34]

And then he paused. And then he said... I want to... Stick them in my eyebrows. Okay. He said, then he paused and then he said, temple storehouse, temple gate. And then he said, the temple warehouse, the temple gate. Now, if you read this, everyone has their own mind. You don't know what I mean. You don't know what I mean. Temple storehouse, temple gate. Tempel Lager, Tempel Tor.

[24:38]

What's this all about? Well, Sukhiroshi's commentary here. The young man, Yan Min, said this partly because he wanted to avoid easy answers. Easy answers that you congratulate yourself for and then they never affect you at all. Simple answers that you can answer for yourself, but that don't affect your own life. How can you make this function in us throughout our life? But how can we make it work in our lives and work in our lives for a long time?

[25:39]

So that's what I really would like to do right now. And here, if you want to say something about what we spoke about this morning or last night, if you were here, or your own sense of an inner request. But what I would like to do now is just to listen and hear what you have to say about what I said this morning or yesterday evening. Yeah, thank you. I depend on the Wiener Band. Yesterday you spoke about the For me, in a request, it's not so much that I have some desire and I'm looking for a way to fulfill it, whatever.

[26:58]

But more like, in my experience with Sarsen, is that... practice in the southern gives a feeling which tells me that an inner request has been fulfilled. You know? Oh, good. It feels good. It feels nourishing and good and it gives more answers by doing than asking the question before. Okay. For me, this is inner But in the end, it's not like you have such an abstract wish beforehand and then make a search to fulfill it. But my question is with the possession of the Shazen, that it simply has a somewhat nourishing, nourishing feeling and it fits so well that it is actually more a Someone else?

[28:01]

Yes. What is it? Yes. Okay. Can you say that? Do you feel? Deutsch, bitte. Die Frage kam von der Kiste nach. [...] Yeah, in many ways. That's the case, I think.

[29:02]

And probably the case for any outstanding teachers. Is it somehow the path of your life? and the path of practice merge. What I learned from Harry Roberts, white man who grew up with the Yurok Indians in the American Northwest. What was his name? Harry Roberts. Harry Roberts. And his teacher was, if you know, anthropological literature about American Indians. could read about him in the literature was the last shaman of the Uruks.

[30:23]

And, uh, uh, Harold Roberts lived with us for years and was a close friend. And he said that, um, um, What happens is they pick certain people who look like they have the capacity for shaman or medicine training. And they give them as much as possible the full training while they're young. But it takes life circumstances to make it work or come together. But if all that background isn't there, Life subscription finances don't transform it into being a real shaman within the tribe.

[31:44]

Okay. Yeah. Yes? I just read a book about shamans in all kinds of countries, from Amazonas to the Philippines. And actually, it was brought up that each single person of love had a traumatic illness at a certain stage of their lives, and that made them understand self-healing powers. And then they can continue to give it to others. Because what they do, they induce self-healing powers in people. I was quite impressed. I was very moved by the reading of a book about shamanism, from Amazonas to the Philippines, where it is clear that all these healers, these shamans, through their own traumatic, almost fatal illness, learn

[32:48]

Yeah, I I agree with it and I'm skeptical about it too. What I mean by my skepticism is there's a contemporary idea of about 30 years ago of the wounded helix. And that's certainly true. But to explain shamanism all over the world by such an idea is too simple. It's the work of anthropologists. But there is certainly truth to it.

[34:02]

But it doesn't mean that all of you have to go out and look for a wound in order to be healed. We could say in a way that practice is a way to avoid being wounded. Or discover that wounded and not wounded are some sort of territory of being alive. Yes. Can I rephrase it in a way that life is somehow the stuff, and to this, you know, shamanism is somehow, it's like a technique or is a worldview, how you work with the stuff, and when you bring these things together, you change the stuff and the stuff, and this process of coming together changes the stuff, but it changes also the technique and the worldview.

[35:19]

Exactly. You have to translate all of that, including your last date. Okay, not if they're... Also kann man das auch so meinen, dass man sagt, das was du gesagt hast, Schamanismus oder Buddhismus, das ist wegen Technik oder einer Weltsicht. Und das Leben ist so etwas wie das Material, mit dem man arbeitet. Und indem diese beiden Dinge zusammenkommen, verändert sich von einem die Weltsicht, auf der anderen Seite verändert sich aber auch das Material, sodass das in einer wechselseitigen Beziehung ist. Buddhism is a kind of tool, provisions, resource that you can use or not. Yeah.

[36:38]

So this innermost request is deeper than Buddhism. Yes, exactly. So it's, yeah, much deeper. Buddhism comes out of an innermost request. Yeah. Buddhism is one way to answer and mature, develop, evolve this innermost request. I would like to say something about this deepest inner desire. I would like to say something to this, about this innermost request. It's in no way explainable what's going on there.

[37:48]

But it's very, you can feel it very intensely and very strongly. And this feeling has a dynamic, it has power and it also has direction. and by direction I mean that when you have to make a decision you feel whether it's satisfying or not and whether it leads in this direction or not yeah My impression is that the more you are able to follow this feeling, the more you are able to let yourself into it.

[39:06]

the more some of the decisions you have to make become clearer. But on the other hand, it also becomes more difficult to be implemented in the sense of the outside world, you know? Yes. So I can feel this feeling not only in big issues and big decisions, but also in very tiny or little decisions in daily life. For instance, when we get close to the feeling and you make the decision that you want to pause for a moment.

[40:14]

So what I realize is that you are... Remember this. You get a feeling. You get in touch with this feeling instantly when you remember this source. Remember to pause. And that's before you let yourself into the pause. Before you go into the pause. Okay. That's right. That's good. Yeah, I think, for me, two of the ideas at the root of our Western culture are Socrates' daemon, or his inner voice. And the idea of hubris.

[41:42]

It's simply translated pride goes before a fall. And as is well known, the word diamond, mistrusted in later Western culture, becomes in Christianity, demon. And there's much discussion about do you trust in anybody or do you trust the Bible or God and so on. So if we assume that Daimon is something in order to inner most request.

[42:56]

And is it the root of our individual separate life. I mean, you've seen my little daughter running around here, not always behaving. And she is separate from us. She's closely related to us, of course. But she has and will have her own diamond. But she has and she will have her own diamond.

[43:57]

We can influence how she treats that, that this is her own treasure. We can try to influence her, how she connects with this diamond, but there is her own chance. A story I can tell you before I mention it again. My daughter Sally is now 43. Eine Geschichte, die ich immer wieder erzählt habe, aber die ich euch wieder erzählen möchte, handelt von meiner kleinen Tochter Sally, die jetzt 43 ist. Her mother, Virginia, was trying to get a reducing. Und ihre Mutter, Virginia, die versuchte, sie dazu zu bringen, etwas zu tun. And she wouldn't do it. So I was called in to help. So I said, look, Sally, Virginia, and I made you. Virginia and I, we made you.

[45:02]

And you belong to us. And you have to do what we say. And she said, it's too late now. I belong to me. Okay, what can you do? So this has led to the Integrity and separateness, too, of each individual. This rootedness in the most request. And it's rooted in this ideal. And it's rooted in this ideal. Okay, now, what do you do with this?

[46:06]

How does the culture support this or not support this? There could be one way to support this. And it's up to you if you want to use it or not. But the first step is to have trust in, because it requires trust. And if you can't trust your innermost request, You're a ghost that can't be satisfied. You throw those needles out, and no matter how much you eat, you're never nourished. Sometimes I think society wants us all to be hungry ghosts.

[47:10]

Maybe we should form the revolt of the hungry ghosts. Maybe we should form the revolt of the hungry ghosts. Okay. Someone else? Yes. What I find interesting is that I think that the inner most request, that it is always there, So what is interesting for me is that this innermost request is always present in each person continuously. And then it happens to me, for example, with a business or a poor teacher,

[48:24]

And suddenly, what happens? You happen to learn about Buddhism or some other teaching? For me, it has to do with consciousness. Because this person, I know, is perhaps unconscious. Yes, because there is no life. But maybe it also has something to do with consciousness, because maybe this innermost request is unconsciously present for years. And maybe because of certain reasons which in themselves are somehow difficult to know or to penetrate because of your life situation and your life and the story of your life.

[49:29]

And suddenly you come across a certain teaching. And suddenly suddenly there is a certain consciousness or awareness that there is something like an innermost request. It emerges from coming across this teaching, something which was unconscious before enters your consciousness. But he also said, or he said in English, innermost request dies. It sounded like he said, And it can, when you lose touch with it, it can die. Isn't that what you said?

[50:31]

No? No, okay. Yes, and that, it is like, it's like a, [...] And it's somehow, I think it's a common problem. Yeah. And there is something happens like fragilization, you know, and it's like being pregnant. Then suddenly this innermost request is more in the foreground or is present. Yeah. Yeah. This inner most request enters in every activity of your everyday life. Even if you are not constantly consciously aware of it, it somehow enters into your life.

[51:31]

And somehow it merges and it grows together. So for me, it's very interesting because it comes from unconsciousness. And the interesting thing is that it helps, this merging, this coming, and also that and how it acts. Yeah, I would, of course. I think we can think of it as a plant, like a plant. I think we can imagine it as a plant, which needs light. And it needs light and nourishment. And it needs food. And a teaching or a practice will give about what kind of light it gets, what kind of nourishment.

[52:54]

But it also needs our life to be plowed in a certain way. So I think in the context of this seminar, and your individual life, I think we can say that the phrase, the idea, and the trust in the idea This idea of an innermost request can have power in itself in each of our lives. That's good. To me, it's clear to me, before I came to the seminar, that would be the case for each of you, I hope, most of you.

[54:13]

Yeah. just the phrase in her most request. This is also a big step. I mean, there's tons of teaching built into this. recognition of these two words. So even though each of you, without any contact with others or anything, so have an innermost request. To hear the idea makes a difference. And to And to know it's true, and then to trust it, those are three big steps.

[55:29]

Now, that's really easy to present. Because I think we're all ready to notice. Now, the more difficult part is what are the conditions that nourish this inner request? Näher. Now, I would not use the word, it's unconscious. Ich würde das Wort unbewusst nicht verwenden. No, I mean it's underused. And it's kind of common use of something we're not aware of. But we cannot separate the common use of the word unconscious from the creation of the idea of the unconscious by Freud.

[56:44]

The idea of the unconscious exists before Freud. But really as a dynamic in our personality, it's given a particular form by force. This dynamic is quite unimportant in Buddhism. I ignore this, brethren. We need to use a word like non-conscious. We need to use a word like non-conscious. we may not be conscious of our inner monstrosity.

[57:50]

But if we use the idea of the alaya-vijnana instead of an unconscious container, It's a very important idea to grasp if you're going to practice effectively. And the Alaya Vishniana is not a territory of repressed material. And the Alaya Vishniana is not a territory of things that don't fit in the consciousness. It's simply the totality of all of our experience. A totality that's always present in our activity. But present to different degrees.

[58:54]

So practice is to increase the presence, the totality of our experience in our everyday activities. At that, practices like fishing in the sea of our experience. The innermost request is a kind of way to fish. But really, in the deepest sense, what our life can be. There's also an idea of what's called far-reaching eyes. And this is to do fundamental work in your life.

[60:14]

Fundamental work may not be noticed. Often, if we create a life full of short-term goals, And we're a talented, capable person. We'll do many things and receive support for the many things we do. And we do a lot of things and support each other for the many things that we successfully accomplish. As Suki Roshi would say, this is the kind of work which will be forgotten when you die, when you're old. And Suki Roshi says, this is the kind of things that will be forgotten when you are old and dead. How can you do fundamental work?

[61:22]

which reaches many generations. I feel our innermost request wants us to do fundamental work. That's part of the teaching of the firefly and the cicada. That the firefly is silent, maybe, but close. The, does blue really slice it? I always do. Okay. Yes.

[62:25]

One sec. We're going to eat again at 1245. We don't have a lot of time. Forty-five, okay. Oh, yes. So what I want to share is that I think that circumstances, everything I tend to look on, I sort of think that I come off by several steps aside from this feeling of confidence. And But we got the picture. So it's very subtle. And it's going on, and you say, oh, it's just circumstances, everybody does this, and so on.

[63:30]

Can you explain yourself why you step And this is not really, this is a process that is very clear to me. And it takes tremendous energy to concentrate again, to straighten the background, to cultivate confidence again. And for me, Inner World Street West is for physical competence. That almost has nothing to do with it. It's just a kind of what you want to be, what you want that happens in the world. So you... It's a kind of mission. And so it's this going back with society and this together, growing away from this, and coming back together.

[64:46]

This is what I'm speaking process now. very know that maybe Christianity and hierarchy is worth this step. And it's hard work to pull out one's own light and to trust in it. It's acceptable to everyone. Yes, it's workable. Yeah. Doris, bitte. I observe in this process with the I've been observing for a long time that all of my circumstances in a situation where you say, okay, it's still a short time and everyone else is doing it too, and now I'm also doing it with the spiritual state. So it's very encouraging to just get rid of this feeling of despair.

[65:51]

And then it doesn't take long and everyone comes together. It's very sticky. And it takes a lot of strength and energy to get it out of the way again. That you can pull yourself out of it and get back into it, so to speak. a way to evaluate it. I also notice that the history of Christianity in the form is also politically related to the history of hierarchy. Support. Yes. Okay, thank you. We want to know when this cosmic world was created. We want to know how this cosmic world exists.

[67:25]

But why we want to know this has to be answered differently. In other words, we want to know how this cosmic world exists, but what we want to know is closer to an innermost world. Okay. Yeah. But how do you distinguish your innermost request? I mean, it can also be somehow neurotic.

[68:27]

I mean, for instance, because you asked this question of why do we want to know how this world exists and how it grows. created, if it was created, how it came into existence. So this is also, if I answer, a quick answer for me would be, if I would know that I would, I can map out and I find some security in, because now I know how it existed, how it came into existence, I can find my place there and it's not so threatening anymore. And then, yeah, um, Many of the most requests, for instance, requests for closeness or intimacy. Intimacy for closeness is also in some way neurotic. So how do you distinguish a neurotic desire from your innermost request? I have a question that came to me, as you said, we want to know how the world was created, if it was created at all, how it exists and how it came into existence.

[69:40]

And that it makes a difference to ask this question or to ask the question, why do we want to know that at all? And a quick answer to that for me at the moment, actually, if I can answer this question, then... Then I know what the world looks like, how it exists and how it has been created. I feel a little safer now, actually not a little further, but very safe. Because it's planned, I find my place in it. And many of my wishes, to be general, are partly neurotic. For example, the desire for closeness. I'm just using the label Neurotic because you put so much emphasis on Neurotic and how you use it in a common understanding that somehow it's disturbed. In other words, is it probably a slip in most requests?

[70:42]

Yeah. I mean, okay. Do you have that term in German, Freudian slip? Well, I don't know. I'm not used to the word slip. No, we're used to the word slip. It's an error. It's an error, yeah. Yeah, an error. Right. Yeah, we have, we have, yeah. Okay. For our wisdom. You said trust is an important factor, it's an important component in that.

[71:46]

Could we use trust in some way? Could you have a closer look at this trust? Could you examine it more closely? What kind of trust is it? So there's also a kind of trust that everything will be okay. Optimist. Yeah. And I don't think that that's the kind of trust you mean. And Regina talked about a kind of physical trust, a trust in the body. And maybe you could elaborate more on this kind of trust you mean.

[73:04]

Last time. Let me say that, as you would say, when you discover you can't satisfy your desires. And I would say, neurotic desires are desires you can't satisfy. But maybe in the afternoon when we have some points, small groups, And we can ask ourselves, how do we distinguish between our true nature or in our true sense in most requests? And other requests and other desires.

[74:14]

And what is the trust? nourishes and supports her in most requests. What is trust? This is a big question in psychotherapy as well as in every aspect of life. I trust her when I wash my face most mornings. I think trust is also at that kind of level, too. And I also would like to speak about the conditions that nourish.

[75:01]

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