So we should take a break soon, but we'll have your question. Yeah, that's all right. After the break, maybe? After the break? Yeah. Okay. So let me say something now. Let me know it first. When you find this gap, Finding the gap isn't enlightened. Yeah, it's a taste maybe. But entering it, this is something. It's acting in which, it's through acting that there's wisdom and truth. Not through knowing. And there are funny tastes, funny tastes. For example, little things.

[01:13]

Little things, maybe they're big things, like the street is different every day. Your face is different every time I see you, so I'm not even sure I've met you before. Or I remember a funny experience I used to have Every now and then I would be unsure if I was standing upright. Because up and down it disappeared from me. So I'd be in a store and I'd see the person, the clerk, and I'd suddenly think, maybe I'm over here. And So I learned when I have that feeling, don't try to stand up because you might fall over. But you have that experience in Zazen sometimes. You're sitting quite straight, but you feel like maybe you're over here or something.

[02:33]

And that experience can occur in ordinary life sometimes, and you think, whoa, what is she seeing? So I had to learn how to find another way of feeling upright, proprioceptively, which wasn't based on a mental image. and wasn't dependent on comparing my position visually to the counter and so forth. So, maybe we have to learn to walk again. It may be different to put one foot in front of another.

[03:36]

Yeah, not, as I said, not knowing is nearest. So, let's take a break. So, quarter after twelve or so. Okay? Thank you very much. Thank you. So to live from vows rather than living from karma.

[04:46]

So you intercede. with some wisdom teaching in your life. And the most basic and most subtle we are discussing this weekend to vow to be in accord with Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Now, In the many problems we face in life what's most important is the mind with which we face the problem.

[05:47]

It would be nice if none of us had to face, say, having cancer. But some of us will, or certainly some of our friends will. And what's important is, you know, it's terrible to have cancer. It'd be nicer not to have it. But much more important than whether you have cancer is the mind with which you accept having cancer. Or accept losing your job. Or accept getting a promotion in your job which will cause you to act like an idiot.

[06:57]

There's a koan that Sekirushi spoke about often and And occasionally, in the latter year or two of his life when he had cancer. And the koan is in the Shoyaroku, the book of serenity, but it's also in the blue cliff record. It's number three. I think it's number three. And it's basso or matzo. Or basso.

[07:58]

See, I can pay a little bit of attention. So Matsu Tsukiyoshi loved describing Matsu. For Tsukiyoshi he was fairly frail and somewhat unhealthy and even had tuberculosis when he was young. And Matsu In those days, people often didn't survive, of course, tuberculosis. And it was also, as David's book points out, a stigma.

[08:58]

It was so contagious that People were afraid of you the rest of your life if they'd known you had TB. And often you couldn't get married because people were afraid to be close to you. And in fact, his wife did get TB. I don't know if from Suzuki Roshi, but many people got TB in those days. Anyway, he was very frail. Or somewhat frail.

[10:04]

And his teacher though, Gyoko-jun So-an, was this very big, strong guy, rather tough. I didn't say that, but that's okay. I expressed it, if you like. And in fact, Sukiroshi showed me his bow once, because he had a bow which nobody in Japan but he and one other person could pull, could string. Too frail. All right. So he always would talk about Matsu and say he was this big guy and his tongue would cover his nose. I can't even touch mine, you know. My nose is doing three quarters of the work.

[11:19]

So one day his attendant monk came to see Matsu. And Matsu had been somewhat sick. And he said, how are you? How are you today? And Matsu said, sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha. The sun-faced Buddha is a Buddha that lives for 1,800 years, they say. And the moon-faced Buddha only lives one day and one night. Like an insect. Or a wild flower. Now, you can understand this to mean, well, however it is, you make the best of it.

[12:41]

But this isn't really what it means. It means, whatever your situation, to have underneath that or within that Buddha mind. And if you see an insect, some extraordinary insect, it may only have a few days of life. But this is a full life for this insect. And when we take this vow to take refuge or find ourselves in accord with Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, although we may not know exactly what Buddha, Dharma and Sangha are, we do know what they're not. So you stop taking refuge in things which are clearly not Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

[14:00]

And this change, this vow is a big thing. And you might look at when you have come close to a vow. Or perhaps taken a vow. But often we find ourselves, I think, on the edge of a vow which we then back off from. But notice also what you're in the presence of. Sometimes to come into nearness to a vow, we need to be near other things. Perhaps a friend.

[15:08]

Perhaps a tree. I particularly like this tree outside the two toilets. These buildings are quite tall, but the tree is not tall at all, but higher than the buildings. So the tree doesn't look so big, but it's bigger than the building. And it fills the toilet windows. And sometimes, you know, it's a storm or something, or an insect, perhaps, that is our presence in vowing. I can remember a very important time in my practice was, I was working at the University of California.

[16:10]

And before I went to Japan. And my little girl was, who's now 35, was one or two or three years old. She was then two or three. We went to Japan when she was four. And I would take, you know, ride the bicycle every day to the bus station and take the bus across to Berkeley and go to work. And I would always bring the Lankabhatara Sutra with me. And I would choose, I read usually a page, I read usually only one sentence or maybe a paragraph a day. It took me about two years to finish.

[17:13]

But I would not go any faster than I could practice the sentence. Or discover that I could not practice it. But I didn't let a single sentence pass without either practicing it or discovering that I couldn't practice it. That was my vow to, you know, I've discovered I've made that vow, it wasn't, it was implicit. To go no faster in this book than I could practice it. So I usually read a sentence in the morning before breakfast. And then I would hold that sentence before me all morning on the way to work and then working.

[18:37]

And during that time I was also a graduate student as well as working for the university. So I had a rather demanding schedule, but I still held this sentence in front of me, with me. And then I would come back to that sentence at lunch. I would usually eat my little stream. under some ginkgo trees and then I would see if I could move to the next sentence at one time sometimes I could sometimes I couldn't But there was some presence, really, I can't say it was just the book, it was the presence of these ginkgo trees.

[19:54]

And ginkgo trees in the fall, their leaves become bright yellow. Do you know the word ginkgo? We have it. Same word? Same word, same tree. And quite a few in Berlin. Yeah. And they have nice fruits too. Yeah. And... It's so beautiful when they would all be yellow and on the surface of the stream. It was so beautiful that I never forgot how beautiful it was. So even when they were green, I had this feeling of their becoming gold. And it also gave me some feeling in the text was becoming gold.

[20:58]

And there was a tree, one time I had to go to a meeting and coming back from a meeting I stopped on a kind of granite step in front of one of the buildings, science building I think. Yeah, again, sort of staying with the sentence and trying and being mindful of my walking and sitting and so forth in the cold stone under my bottom. Und wiederum, ich war achtsam meinem Gehen und mich Bewegen, auch dem Satz im Buch und auch meiner kalten Steinunterlage, auf der ich saß. And I, since we're telling anecdotes today, I just start adding this anecdote.

[22:04]

So I'm sitting on the step there and not thinking about anything, you know, except noticing the situation. And there was a small tree there. And it kind of grew over to where it ran into another tree in the building. And then sort of stopped and went around the tree and moved differently for the building. And on this side of the tree the branches didn't run into anything and were a little different. And suddenly I had a distinct feeling of the consciousness of the tree. Like when you look at a dog, you know the dog is just like you, but it's in the form of a dog consciousness. Probably much more.

[23:20]

I'm convinced, of course, that animals are in bliss consciousness most of the time. That's why they're able to be animals. We have much more trouble being an animal human being because we're not in bliss consciousness most of the time. So whether this makes logical sense or not is unimportant, really, to me. What's important is this was a distinct... moment in my life which there has never been any other moment exactly like it when I really felt the consciousness of that tree and it made me understand my own consciousness in some way And of course I like the fact that the word tree and truth have the same root.

[24:36]

It's some human understanding that trees are an example of truth. And that vows were often made under a tree. I think even in Socrates or Plato, there's some talk about certain truths that can only be expressed under an oak tree. So Tsukiroshi even once said that he was a tree. Yeah, I stand up by myself. But I'm related to everything. So this effort to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha is to notice when you're ready to

[26:04]

Take a vow. You take that opportunity. It won't come again. If you think it will come again, it won't. Maybe you can't take it now and maybe some other opportunity will come. But that cold granite and that tree presence won't be there again. Everything is at that moment, in those moments, cooperating with you. Someone just gave me that, isn't it? And when you take that opportunity, when the tree or the insect has taught you something,

[27:13]

then you feel the strength of the tree as your own as well. And you live then from that vow. This is living from a vow rather than living from karma. then your karma is different. And this vow is, you know, not some kind of thing from outside. It's the ability to hear your inner request. And a mindfulness is not a vow. But mindfulness allows us to hear the vows we want to take.

[28:49]

Now we vow not only because it's wisdom, a wisdom teaching to bring a wisdom teaching into our lives. It's not just that it would be nice to vow because this is wisdom or truth. We vow because we are always vowing. Thinking is a form of vow. If I think you are such and such a person that's a kind of vow. If I say I look at you and I say I don't know that's another kind of vow. That's to vow or to take refuge in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha.

[29:56]

If I say, you know, this is a bell. It's a kind of vow. It's maybe a teacup. It's not a bell till I hit it. And the hitting of it is, I don't know what will happen. Each time sounds different. And we are a web of vows that our culture has given us. And so we are a fabric of blessings that our culture has given us. Or you're a big eater.

[31:02]

Or very many vows we have that what kind of person we are, what our society wants us to be. The world is permanent. Or we should act as if it is. Or thinking clearly in borrowed consciousness is the way to function in our society. Or just that we are separated by space is a kind of vow. Instead of we're connected by space. So you need antidotal vows. You need vows which are an antidote to the many vows you already have. So if I take refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, I may have many habitual relationships to Neil.

[32:04]

What kind of person he is, what kind of person I am. But in my practice, all those habitual or thoughtful ways of acting, I can't remove them all. I can change some of them. And some of them are quite natural and useful, normal ways of acting. But they're all leavened by... Leavened? Leavened, lightened, or you put, like when you make bread rise, you use leavening.

[33:09]

Leavened by... It's okay. Opened up a Bible. By my vow to treat you and feel you are a Buddha. You can translate it. It's okay. So the possibility that he's a Buddha is one of the most exciting things in this world. As Sukershi used to say, we're always showing what kind of Buddha we are. You're also showing what kind of ordinary person you are.

[34:13]

But from my way of seeing, you're showing me what kind of Buddha you are. Not so good sometimes, but you know. Yeah, but I would rather be a bad Buddha than a good ordinary person. So, So this is, you know, taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. And so what Matsu is speaking about is, well, let's say the Buddha nature or the truth body. The truth body, we can say, is a very stable state of mind which accepts what is.

[35:19]

If I'm an insect and only live a day and a night, It's okay. What a beautiful life. You try to live a long time? Okay. Secure, she used to say. we all have exactly the problems we need. Now this is hard to believe. But in fact later in life, if you survive your problems, your life has been so defined by those problems that they were in fact exactly the problems you needed.

[36:24]

But although accidents do happen, Trees fall on our good friend Joe. Or trucks break loose their chain and fly across the highway and run into his car. This is accident. I don't think this is his karma from the past or something. But I don't know anyone who could have become a more beautiful, soft person than Joe with such extraordinary destructive things happening. But although, again, this is hard to believe that we have exactly the problems we need.

[37:36]

Still, in fact, whatever your karma is, it has brought you to situations which have caused this to happen. I mean, no one else did it. And if someone else did it, you're the person who knew that person. So there's something subtle in our life. I don't think we can explain it exactly. But you know open yourself to the subtlety of life if you blame others. Even though it might not be quite true. You open yourself to some subtlety of life.

[38:43]

When you say, yes, I have exactly the problems I need. Some power comes forth from me. Yes. some stability of mind. Sun-faced Buddha or moon-faced Buddha. So we're supposed to have lunch in a few minutes. And maybe we sit for a few minutes and then have lunch. Yeah. Thank you.

[40:58]

What would you like to talk about? Yes. Yes. German, please. Well, Buddhism is a very big, durable teaching.

[42:29]

And it's also a very fragile, precious teaching. And I mentioned this morning Matsu, this big, strong Zen master whose tongue covered his nose. I hope he didn't do that in restaurants. Everybody in the next table moves away of this guy. And he was the grandson of the sixth, so-called sixth patriarch. And he was the disciple of Nanyue.

[43:36]

And there's only two disciples of the sixth patriarch, he had a number of disciples, there's only two disciples from whom all the Zen lineage comes. Nanaku and Seigen. These two people, Nanaku and Seigen. This is quite fragile. Two people. Yeah, and every lineage is the same. Not just the six patriarchs. Most lineages disappear. So it's funny, we have this big durable teaching that depends on a few people. And Sukhira, she said at one point in Tassajara, you know, you may not understand Zen yet, but be patient.

[44:59]

When you have an old Caucasian Zen master, it will be okay. Well, I'm not old, and I'm only a kind of moderately good Zen teacher. So you all have to wait for a good Caucasian, or maybe not Caucasian, some good... German, European, or some person. So you have to be patient. Now maybe one of you will be that person. I hope so. But you know, even... There's thousands of people who practice Buddhism, so there's thousands of lineages, but the next generation, there's one or two, three.

[46:03]

Yeah, and there was our lineage, Sukhya Rishis lineage, Isn't it Nishihari Bokusan? Nishihari, do you remember his name? Bokusan, yeah. And then his disciple, I guess it was Oka Sotan. And... This is the strong, seems to have been at least what Suker used to say and what David Chadwick has ferreted out for this book. Represent the strongest lineage in Dung Shan's Japanese lineage in this recent century. And although Gyokujin Sohan, Sukhiroshi's teacher, is not directly a disciple of those two, Gyokujin's lineage teacher is Sukhiroshi's father.

[47:19]

I'm trying to not answer your question in the abstract. And there I'm not sure I've got the relationship even there clear. I'd have to look it up. But anyway, Gyokujin studied with Oka Sotan. And if that was probably his real teacher, I mean most definitive teacher. And Suzuki Roshi's teacher from whom he Maybe his spirit comes from Gyokujin, but his understanding comes from Kishizawa Roshi. Kishizawa. You heard it yesterday. K-I-S-H-I-Z-A-W-A.

[48:44]

Kishizawa. A Japanese fellow. And Kishizawa Roshi was Tsukiroshi's teacher at Eheiji. And he was the great Dogen scholar teacher within our lineage in this century. So I'm trying to give you a feeling of actually how lineage works. So at least this is the outside look at it.

[49:45]

So... And he was in a lineage of people who made a point of their life work was to study Dogi and to understand Dogi. When Kichisawa Roshi left Eheji, and I think David has it, at least David has it in the book, a little differently than Sukyoshi told me. So I have to tell David I haven't yet.

[50:46]

Kishizawa wanted Sukhiroshi to be his protege. Yeah, so he moved. Sukhiroshi was head of a temple which had about 200 sub-temples. So to be near Suzuki Roshi, his disciple, he moved into a sub-temple of Suzuki Roshi's. So Suzuki Roshi had a little problem because his big teacher was under him in the hierarchy and sometimes he'd have to bow to his teacher and sometimes his teacher would have to bow to him. But sometimes teacher and disciple express that, but we have a bowing cloth, and sometimes we put the bowing cloth, our teacher puts his bowing cloth over ours, and we bow, and sometimes we put our bowing cloth over his and we bow.

[52:08]

So as Sukyoshi became, you know, studied with Kichisawa Roshi up until the time he came to America pretty much, So this tradition with Dogen was very important. But it was hard to know this. For instance, when Kanahashi Sensei first went to see Suzuki Roshi, So Kershie at that time was mainly teaching from the Blue Cliff Records. Mainly teaching koans.

[53:27]

And that's the time I was studying with him primarily. We worked through the whole hundred book of the Blue Cliff Records, hundred koans. And Kaz Tanahashi Sensei said to Sukhiroshi, Do you teach Dogen to your students? And Suzuki Hoshi said, no, Dogen is too difficult. I only teach them koans. And Sukershe said also, I don't understand Dogen very well.

[54:30]

But at the same time, he was the main heir of the Dogen lineage in our whole school. And now when I look back, I realize, I was saying this to you the other day, He kept hinting to me and also to Paul, because Paul knew Sanskrit. Maybe you should study Dogen. Maybe you should go to Japan and study it. And he kept hinting to me that I should study Dogen. I should go to UC Berkeley and finish my graduate work in Dogen. But it was always very casual. He always gave me lots of room to say no. And I didn't actually get it, what he was asking me. Because I'd say basically now he wanted me to continue Dogen's, this lineage, specific within our school, emphasis on Dogen.

[55:51]

So, you know, I do my best. I know a little bit about Dogen. But I have emphasized Koan study much more than I have Dogen. So actually Karl Bielfeldt, in some ways, who was practiced at the same time I did, about the same time, a bit later, but around the same time, was the Kyrgyz. Karl is the main scholar of Dogen, or at least pretty close to one of the top three or four scholars of Dogen in the West.

[56:56]

Do you remember when Karl was at Tassajara? Yeah, anyway, he's a fine person, Karl. He was a mensch, yeah. But I made the decision because I realized if I went to graduate school, I was in graduate school and I was working on a PhD, In any case, I made a decision. I was in graduate school at the time and I was working for my doctor. And I decided two reasons. One is I really only wanted to be his attendant for the rest of his life.

[58:05]

That basically was my only desire to be his attendant for the rest of his life. And I realized that if I wanted to really practice as a monk, you know, for me, my kind of monk at least, I had to, you know, I had to full-time do that. I couldn't do something else like study unrelated subjects. So I knew it was much better for me to just study with him and on my own. I appreciate the things I learned at the university. Japanese history, Chinese history and things, but really I knew enough to practice Zen, at least.

[59:23]

But I knew also, very clear, if I got my doctorate, I gave society a very big handle on me. The department made very clear to me, you know, we're giving you this money to go to Japan and study. I had some money from them to get my Ph.D. They said, we're giving you this money because we expect you to come back and help make our department well known. So you'll write papers that people will like and it'll I didn't want to do that.

[60:36]

I mean, I knew that, I mean, it's just, you know, if they do a lot for me, I'm obligated to them. I only wanted to do the obligated distribution. And I wanted to live in the cracks of society. Because I find the cracks quite big and roomy. So I actually made the decision for that reason. And if I'd really understood how deeply he wanted me to continue with Dogen... Maybe I would have made a different decision. But he gave me a lot of room and never told me really how deeply he felt. But in other ways I did... I think it's just in this way I didn't satisfy.

[61:55]

So lineage is very fragile. And it often takes quite a few people to continue a lineage. One person may get the press releases and somebody else actually doing the real work. But it's not important. What's important is to carry this teaching forward, if possible. And the more of us who carry this teaching forward, this is a Buddha field. And this is the Sangha. It's one of the reasons I decided to get ordained too, because I was quite... I'm a person who wouldn't even wear a tie in college, even if they wouldn't feed me.

[63:13]

Now I wear ties all the time. Because I realized that no matter how critical I and Suzuki Roshi both were of the institutional side of Zen, it had produced Suzuki Roshi. And it created conditions for him to study. So part of my I guess responsibility is to try to create not only to continue Sukhiroshi's lineage but to try to create conditions in the West that support practice.

[64:25]

So I'm not interested in spreading Buddhism particularly. But I'm interested in creating conditions that might mean Buddhism will be here in a 100 years or more. So that's one of the reasons I want to get this Buddha. Because I think if we make, you know, I think if we make Johannesoth and Crestone real beautiful, And Atmar is doing great work at Crestone, making nice walkways and stones in the garden and stuff. And the walkways make you notice your breathing. And at night you have to be careful with your wooden shoes because they're a little bumpy sometimes.

[65:47]

So you have to pay attention to walking, which is good. So if we make a place that's beautiful, people will take care of it after I die. And we have this nice Buddha there, people will want to take care of it, I think. So Sangha is what makes a Buddha field.

[66:56]

And a Buddha field is what allows people to notice a Buddha if there happens to be one. And generates the condition for one of us being Buddha. And if one of us is Buddha, then we're all Buddha. Because it doesn't matter which one of us, because the real Buddha is the Buddha field. So I think we're making a nice Buddha field here. Yeah. Something else? Yes. This is more a type of relief. I didn't feel any pressure.

[67:56]

Now, this story we discussed very often, but life is very short. So you have to go through this life, and you have to go through it to make this decision. So now this kind of contradiction is going on. And not to push that, because I don't feel well if I push myself too much. This was part of my life too often. But the other thing, often it's true. Life is much shorter. Deutsch, bitte. Thank you very much for your time today. I am very grateful for the opportunity to speak with you. How old was Sukershi when he died?

[69:29]

67, I think. So he was five years older than me. And I think it was about my age where he started being sick. And I think in myself I'm beginning to feel his death in myself. Although I'm planning to live to 120. Why not? But who knows? Life is much shorter than any of us realize. So it's true, there isn't much, and there isn't, this is it. But I also want to give all of you lots of chances to say no, that's my tradition I've inherited.

[71:02]

But if you look out of the corner of your eyes sometimes you might see me standing over you with a sword. But don't forget to practice. But I'm a kind of softie. I'm sorry, I should be more strict. But it's a lovely life, so it's okay. Could you give us your question?

[72:08]

In both. When I ask you We talked about the sense of continuity. One sense of continuity, we are born in our story, our profession, our parents, teachers, and the other sense of continuity, Buddhism shows us having a sense of continuity in our body. And basically, we can discover a set of cognitive decisions that we have, maybe the feeling of just prayer. It's just something we do. It's just the body sitting there. But we're going back in our daily life with other things. sense of continuity is sometimes, or very often, quite overwhelming. We are always confronted with people who care about media, care about life, who do passively care about all that, I think.

[73:19]

And the experience we have had, we have had maybe for 10 minutes, I'm pushing it, getting smaller and smaller, and the other sense of continuity is so much bigger. So what I would like to know is how can we do it, not to? lose the other sense of community? How can we contact it without worrying back and saying, I would suffer for a while to have this place where I know where I can contact it? But how can I contact it in a new talk, for example, or use my parents to ask me what we want to do and how do we want to make money out of things? How can I contact, how can I... feel that there is also a level of sense of continuity. From which I know that it's there, but sometimes I just have no contact with it.

[74:26]

It's somewhere in the middle of the field. In German, it's about these two feelings of continuity. This is once the feeling of That we all know where we come from, from society, from education, from parents, to have our continuity in the group, in the family, in our history, in our career, in money, and whatever. That is what we are constantly living with. And the buddhism helps us to find our continuity. For example, only in the breath, there is only something there that breathes and breathes to the other, only the father breathes. And then it is very important that we discover it somehow, to get in contact with it. And what I also experience is that the other, the other feeling of continuity that we are constantly confronted with, that it always overwhelms us again and that, compared to other experiences that we had in the past, then completely disappear, that we have no experience at all, that we have no contact anymore.

[75:44]

And what interests me now is, how can one react when the money from their society is actually blocked and everything else is really gone, is not there at all. Yeah, that's of course why monastic practice is easier. But still, you know... There's a general acceptance in the world that we're one species. And it takes the form now of a kind of commitment that everyone on the planet really has a right to food, housing, medical care and so forth.

[77:02]

And although this is rather limited and not a spiritual vision, if the beginning of a vision of all of us are somehow the same on the planet, And I think that vision is the background of our Pentecostal lay practice. It's not just that most of us are laymen, we have to earn a living and stuff. But I think our work as Buddhists is to be part of this planetization of humanity or something like that. And Buddhism is certainly the most obvious teaching that I think isn't at war with other teachings.

[78:27]

And since it's not theologically based, it fits in with scientific views and so forth. So I think that although we may not be conscious of it, our work is also not just monastic work, but to be part of this culture which is developing throughout the world. To be part of this culture which is developing throughout the world. This is the first time in human history it's been possible. And if it's possible, it will almost certainly happen. But how it will happen is something else again.

[80:03]

And there are lots of totalitarian pitfalls along the way and so forth. So I don't think that my own feeling is that We need to find a way to practice with people in lay life, not just monastic life. So my vision is some mixture of monastic practice and lay practice. So I said that because I think compassion is a big part of making practice work in your daily life.

[81:05]

So on the one hand, we go along with people, you know, If they're stealing horses, you help them out a little. But just as about you're ready to get the horse, you say, oh, let's walk. Yeah. So somehow compassion is to go along with people and at the same time to as much as possible bring the presence of practice by your own example into their life. So as long as you

[82:08]

The more you have that feeling, the more it happens. On the one hand, when I first taught in Europe, for instance, I wore my robes in seminars. But I got tired of explaining the robes. Because actually the concept of the robes is quite interesting. But I felt it separated me too. Do you remember when I used to wear my robes? Did I ever wear my robes in seminars you were in? No. I can imagine that very well. They're quite pretty. They're my party dresses. I have silk ones, linen ones. I have shoes with white straps.

[83:31]

So I stopped wearing robes, but I still wear my raksu or I have my shaved head. You can carry beads or something. Mm-hmm. Because I want to, you know, throw food in a restaurant. You want to what? Throw food in a restaurant. I said I want to throw food in a restaurant. It means to have a good time eating and get your napkin really filthy. If the next table is interested, you lob us. But at the same time, I want to have my shaved head and, you know, cause some problem. It's the first time I've said anything he wouldn't translate.

[84:47]

No, the second thing, yes, dear. So... So that's one thing, this feeling of... of sharing practice with people. And second, I think, is your intention. Third, it's also I think useful to work with a phrase. Yeah, like, this is also me. This is also I. This is this. Some phrase. Yeah. And a phrase like that begins to generate a background mind.

[86:10]

Just the intention to not only brings your attention back to your breathing, but generates a background mind. And a background mind is, as I always say, like a... Perhaps a woman who's pregnant always remembers the baby is in her tummy. So we feel pregnant with practice. And this is this background mind we begin to have while we have a foreground mind that pays attention to things.

[87:19]

So this intention and the practice of bringing your attention to your breath And working with some phrase or developing a background mind. And some compassionate vision. And you emphasize one or the other different times. But they do come together. At some point they come together. And then you can be present with people and not lose your breath or stable state of mind. And if your intention is there, you can be patient.

[88:20]

It might take some years, but what's a few years? Okay, that's the best I can say. Okay. Anybody else? Yes? I was thinking about feelings. For example, the framework in which I get the advice, it's very important. We accept this situation.

[89:32]

We accept this situation, but what is your view of this? I think it's very difficult. I mean, there is kindness, and there is a lot of kindness, and a lot of approach. Yeah, okay. Don't you get that? Thank you very much. Yesterday, I had a very interesting talk about the Atsuchi and Blessing that you are, and I was wondering what you feel about the fact that you are standing in front of an extreme woman, that you are standing in front of her, that you are standing in front of her, that you are standing in front of her, that you are standing in front of her.

[90:37]

Well I think we have a little different view of feelings in Buddhism than is customary in our popular way, usual way of thinking. I think that we have the feeling of... Emotions as some kind of pressure or steam or something like that. Something that we have to express, it has to come out. And I think we have the feeling of, like if we don't express it, we tend to repress it or suppress it or something.

[91:41]

And I would say that my feeling is, as I would put it, is that at root all emotions are about caring. Even if you're angry, say, it's because you care. Most of our emotions, we experience most of our emotions in the service of the self.

[92:56]

Defending who we are, expressing who we are. But in Buddhism, emotions are just, I would say, a way of thinking. Feeling and I think that feeling and emotion precede thinking. Your thinking is usually within the flavor of some emotion. Particularly creative thinking. You write a poem out of a feeling. And if some phrase comes to you, it opens up a feeling which then you follow and other words come to you. I don't have all the answers to these things, so I'm just talking about it as I think about it myself.

[94:15]

There's not much idea, for example, in Buddhist thinking

[94:20]

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