Well, okay, good afternoon. You know, when I'm speaking with you, and the custom also, it's not just peculiar to me, speak to you about Zen Buddhism, Maybe it's because the emphasis on showing the practice or being a metalogue is a word, not an analogue, but you are what, hopefully, you... See, the Christian side of me just popped out. You are what you're doing. I mean, a metalogue is something like, if you say good morning, that's a metalogue, because what you say, but if you say, how are you, that's asking a question.

[01:02]

But to say good morning is just good morning. So the idea of a metalogue is, you are what you're doing or saying. It's not about what you're doing or saying. So maybe because of that emphasis in Zen practice, when I'm speaking, as much as possible I'm speaking to your body and your feeling. And I would say non-graspable feeling, not emotions. And then I'm also speaking to your emotions. You want to turn off the machinery? Yeah, you can turn it off as far as I'm concerned. We're natural around here. This is the only place I... That's fine with me. This is the only place I've ever been where you see cars go by with two kayaks, three mountain bikes on top, and the passengers are wearing backpacks.

[02:15]

They could think they could take them off in the car, you know. So I'm speaking to your bodies, to your feeling and to your emotions. I hope through your emotions. And I'm only secondarily speaking to your intellect. Although the intellectual part of what I'm saying is, I hope, obviously important to me, because it's got to compute, it's got to hold together intellectually. But that's only for you to check up on later. And I know two scientists, Heisenberg and Hans-Peter Doerr, used to have conversations and was all emotional about what this is and how do you feel and what could it look like this, etc.

[03:25]

And when they finished a conversation and came to a conclusion, they'd say, okay, tomorrow we'll do the mathematics. And the mathematics will work out. Because if they got it at this other level, then the mathematics would follow. And some kind of image like that is part of Zen practice. However, some of you have to write a paper. And there may be a ten oxymoron quality here in that it's pretty hard to listen with your body and then know how to write a paper. But I guarantee you that what I'm talking about is not difficult to understand. I'm sure I can sit down with any one of you, even those of you who might think you're stupid, though I hope there's no one who thinks that here.

[04:30]

Point by point, I can make clear what I'm saying, but putting it together And getting a feeling for it and concentrating on the feeling of it makes it difficult to write a paper, so I really sympathize with you who have to write a paper. It may be somewhat contradictory to listen to this as practice and also have to write a paper. But it sounds interesting, too. Now, is there anything anybody would like to speak about? Yes? After practicing certain skills, do you have a choice of whether or not to be happy? Well, it might be you might be a perverse person, but in general there's no choice. well compassion literally means to suffer with

[05:50]

So it's not, I don't know, it's a hard point to speak to. You see, the image we have of the individual is that you're some kind of whole person who, if there's something wrong or you're sick, you need to be healed. And healed, health, whole, they're all the same root. So you want to become whole again. But the image of the person in Buddhism is not one of a whole person.

[07:05]

It's of a multi-layered person. And those layers, you live by choice in different layers. I don't know if this makes sense. But there's one layer where you suffer and have the sufferings you've had, and you can identify and feel other people's suffering. And it's not some kind of manipulative thing, I'm just suffering this because I want to be, you know, go along with you. It's genuinely you feel this, you are this suffering, and yet you don't have to live there all the time. And of course we all function this way, in fact. But it's clearer if you, practice makes this clearer. Does that make sense? No? So you can't... I wouldn't discriminate what suffering you go through.

[08:07]

You don't go through the suffering of confusion, perhaps. But if you... I mean, we're all very related. And if you feel something, and I have much connection with you, I will feel it too, and I will feel it, you know, in a very... I mean, when you break down this sense of being separate and you open yourself to more connectedness without being armored, you really feel what other people feel. And I think some of us can experience that most easily in a movie. Sometimes in a movie, we'll burst into tears about something, which in ordinary life you wouldn't do because you just don't do that. But with a movie person, you can do it. Does that make sense? Anyway, something else?

[09:11]

Yes? Is there a sense that beyond therapy, Yes. I mean, in two senses that I pointed out. One is awareness, like awareness extends through your sleeping. But you can wake up at 6.02 if you set your mind to it, but you're not conscious. So something is aware, okay? So awareness is one thing in which we are connected without knowing how or being able to grasp that connection. And the more you can let that happen, the more you feel connected and know what's going on around you. And that's also, there's a phrase that, one of my favorite phrases is, to practice with, is in this sense, although you do not hear it or know it, do not hinder that which knows it.

[10:22]

So that's one sense. And the other sense is the understanding that the five senses are five realms, and there may be large gaps between them or around them. And so that's being open to a kind of mystery, but that's related to the sense of letting, not hindering that which knows. Okay? I mean, you're a mathematician, you told me? I had a friend who was a pure mathematician and he worked in a way which I think is characteristic of, this was years ago in the 60s, of scientists trying to work with territory which hasn't been discovered yet. He would study everything he could about this problem which other people had tried to find solutions. And once he'd studied as much as he could, very carefully, then he'd forget about it. And he'd wait around and hope for, you know, little blips and, you know, suggestions of what direction to take and so forth.

[11:27]

And Zen practice is much like that. Yes? There's a lot of discussion in Buddhism about delusion. And I sometimes... Well the basic delusion is to think that things are permanent or have an inherent identity. And delusion and the various obstructions and delusions usually stem from that basic idea. But there's another sense that's related to delusion is the degree to which the world is an illusion and imagined. And sometimes when they speak about delusion, they actually mean perceiving the world as real when it's not. That's a somewhat more subtle point. Yes?

[12:37]

What's the most ordinary thing about Zen? Me. No, no. You. Well, I mean, you could say that one of the aims at Zen is to be ordinary, not to be Buddha. Yeah. And practice is certainly, as I said, just based on an effort to keep accepting yourself as you are, over and over again. Yes? It's really, again, a question of where you live

[14:00]

what mind you identify with. If you identify with conceptual thinking, and with comparing yourself to others through conceptual thinking and so forth. If that's part of your conceptual thinking, then when you do an analysis of a situation, it does interfere with this going with the flow. But when you, where you, it's a little bit like instead of going one, two, three, four, five, or A, B, C, D, or 7, 15, 64. Instead of going like that, you go 1, 0, 2, 0, 3, 0, 17, 0. In the spaces of conceptual thought, in the spaces between the words and a page, you're not caught up in the words, you're the page.

[15:16]

or you're the zero. Does that make sense? I mean, the easiest ways to illustrate this is with this sense of borrowed consciousness, secondary consciousness, and immediate consciousness. But I've taught that so many times, even if it's useful. If all of you have heard it three times and want to hear it a fourth, I will do it again. But I think you've got the idea. It's So we have to do analytical thinking sometime. The question is, are you doing analytical thinking, as I said earlier, from a concentrated state of mind, samadhi, somatic mind, or are you doing it from a mind which in itself is not concentrated? Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. That's why you start meditating. But if you start meditating, my experience is, I don't know, you know, I can't say what it's like to meditate in your home without a teacher and without other practitioners, but my experience is people who start to meditate, and meditate at least sometimes with others a few times a week, pretty quickly,

[16:39]

get that different feeling. And if there is a general confusion, you can actually sit down and meditate and do that same analysis. I mean, if you have to solve a problem like, should I quit my job and change my apartment, it might be good to think that through while you're sitting on the cushion as well as at a lawyer's, you know, desk. But it's pretty, I mean, I'm surprised at how fast practice works. I'm also, uh, you also should understand it's slow. It's fast and slow. Yes? Are there times when I, I know I'm violent, but there have been times where I've had to go on this as well. As awful and painful as that was, I had to do that because I had thought something through and find out this was. Well, that of course depends on what we mean by the flow. And it's a phrase that even Joseph Campbell used, which I found a little, if you'll forgive me for saying so, sloppy of Joseph to say, to go with the flow, because it kind of doesn't mean anything.

[17:54]

But in a sense, we know what it means if we're just sitting here talking together. But in general, going with the flow can be, you know, you can end up in jail going with the flow. depending who your companions are. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Something else? Yes. Which one? Oh. But you're not somebody who's heard it before. Okay. Okay. Well, it is useful. Do you mind if I do this again? What if you say yes? What am I going to do? I'm going to go against the flow. Okay, I'm looking at Retta here. I can look at Retta and have no ideas in my mind and just feel her presence.

[19:02]

That's called immediate consciousness. I can also look at her and notice, this is the classic way of describing this, I can also look at her and say, well, she's younger than I am. And that observation came out of this situation. Then I can look at her and I can wonder what her birth date is. I can't figure that out from this situation. She has to tell me that it was such and such in 1951. Well, maybe 49. I don't know. And this had to be told to her, too. And that's called borrowed consciousness. And it means that, not borrowed negatively, but someone had to tell you or you had to find it out from someone else, it didn't arise from this situation.

[20:07]

Okay? Do you want that distinction fairly clear? So... If I draw it, we have borrowed... consciousness, secondary consciousness, and immediate consciousness. So if you're taking, let's use the example I always use, if you're taking a walk, And we're just walking along the path and looking at the trees and feeling the presence of the path, the trees, and so forth. You're not thinking about it. You just feel it, like you were practicing with the vijnana. This is immediate consciousness.

[21:09]

If your friend is with you and the two of you are walking along, you're sharing the space. If you say to your friend, oh, look, they've cut a couple of trees down over there. That observation has come out of the situation, and that's called secondary consciousness. And it's actually a kind of different level of thinking. But it can sink back into immediate consciousness. And it's nourished by the immediate situation. It's rooted, that observation is rooted in the immediate situation. So whenever you are thinking about things in a way that's rooted in the immediate situation, you'll feel nourished. When you start thinking like you say, then you're walking on the path and you say to your friend, Gosh, it's 12.15. I've got to make some phone calls. I've got to do this and this and so on. And I have to talk to my landlord. You're immediately in borrowed consciousness. And energetically, you feel differently.

[22:12]

It didn't arise from the path. It didn't arise from the tree. It didn't arise from the situation. It didn't arise out of your friend. That's borrowed consciousness. So now, if I'm speaking to you, I should try to speak to you from immediate consciousness and into secondary, and as much as possible, speak through what arises from this situation. But the problem is, for us and for most folks, is that our entire educational system is here. And the whole way we think of ourselves in relation to other persons, comparing ourselves to other persons and so forth, is here. And it's always not nourishing you. Now, to make the picture slightly more subtle, is if you are here and you observe that some trees have been cut down, this line is also immediate consciousness.

[23:18]

OK? Or even if you go up here and you say something, geez, I got an appointment later. If you stay abiding here, or it's just a momentary thing, then this line still remains immediate consciousness. But if like most of us, we are here in borrowed consciousness, and you sometimes notice something, or you sometimes go sunbathing, Still, if this line keeps returning to here, basically you're located in borrowed consciousness. And borrowed consciousness, again, isn't very nourishing. And the third point to why I drew it out, to learn from this, is you should really learn how to notice these differences. There's a little bump. When you're walking with your friend and you start observing the trees cut down, immediately the feeling tone changes between you and there's some danger it's going to lead to more conceptual thought.

[24:29]

Not necessarily, but there is. But there's a bump you go over. As soon as you start talking about that you might lose your apartment or whatever, or you have some appointments, you're over another bump. The important thing is to notice these bumps. And the more you notice these bumps, you can then, as somebody spoke to me this morning, you can begin to feel that bump in your body. And you can know when you're in this consciousness, when you're in this consciousness, and you can know how to stay in immediate consciousness with your breath, with your body, and with how you're thinking. Does that help with what you said earlier? So you can come up here and do your analytical thinking, but if basically where you feel grounded, it's nurtured, it's mostly in here, then the analytical thinking is the problem. And this isn't just a quality of meditation. I meditate a lot. It's a quality of seeing this and beginning to feel the bumps.

[25:36]

That make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it can be thoughts about the present too. It can be thoughts about, you know, whether you like me or not. But if those thoughts are based in a basic anxiety of mine about whether people like me, because you didn't just hit me or something, then it's a kind of borrowed consciousness. But borrowed consciousness is also very... If this carpet is made of plastic, for instance, and scientists have determined that it off-gases, and right now I'm being polluted by it, you know, I might not be sense enough to know it, but I'm very happy that the scientists have provided me with the borrowed consciousness of... So borrowed consciousness is negative.

[26:54]

It just means it's not rooted in the immediate situation. Yes? It isn't sustained by the situation and you get home after work and you've, that's why people don't feel good after work or after school work or whatever because you feel, if you're doing things that make you feel depleted you can be almost certain that you're in borrowed consciousness. So again, I started out this seminar with noticing when you feel nourished or when you feel complete. And I would invite you to have the courage to lead a life in which you always feel nourished. And if you don't, discover what to do to make yourself feel nourished. It's not really, you can have, I mean, in almost any employment situation that I can think of, unless you have to be a crook or something, you can so adjust yourself within the situation that you can feel nourished.

[28:04]

Okay? Yes? I'd like to know how these consciousnesses relate to you. Emotions, you brought this up before and I haven't spoken to it. Emotions are rooted in caring. I would rather have an emotional person as a student than an intellectually brilliant student, say, if I had to choose between the two. Because if you don't care about things, you don't get anywhere. Emotions is a way of caring, but when emotions are in the service of the ego,

[29:13]

when emotions are tied to what kind of person you are and whether people like you or dislike you, whether you're doing well or whether you like yourself, then emotions are very sick-making. So we're not trying to get rid of emotions. We're trying to free emotions from being imprisoned within the self. Does that make sense? So, for instance, anger is also outrage. Outrage at the way the environment is being treated. Outrage at the way human beings are treated. What is outrage? Wisdom. So anger actually is the basis for wisdom. But anger released from the confines of self is wisdom. So that's why the fierce figures like Achala and others with their sword and their flames, they're this divine anger. which is also wisdom, which cut through, which, you know, etc.

[30:19]

So, I think to, you know, the basic mindfulness practices are about how to create space around emotions. And I think in Zen practice, this sense of observing thoughts, following thoughts to their source, which is, if some of you are writing the paper, one of the psychological aspects of Zen is this following thoughts to its source or observing emotions and so forth. When you do that, you usually find, Sukhya Rishi used to say that a thief always is stealing for his mother. Actually, there's some kind of strange truth to that, that when you're doing something at root, you're actually trying to do something good, probably.

[31:17]

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